Pakistanis please gather around.

[Paris]

Generally speaking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strict are people from Karachi with regards to love marriages?

I understand that my question will no doubt baffle most - but there is reason behind it even if it isn't apparent.

[JustBinPraised]

Generally speaking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strict are people from Karachi with regards to love marriages?

It is very hard to gauge because it depends on how religious the family that you obviously have concerns about are, but since this is Pakistan and seems to be changing for the worse it is very hard to say. However, assuming that the family are devout Muslims then they will be extremely strict in regards to love marriages, but if they are the modernist types then they probably would not have any concerns about it. I personally would be very strict in this regard, and would advise that the marriage not take place because it essentially is illegal.

[MalikOne™]

I personally would be very strict in this regard, and would advise that the marriage not take place because it essentially is illegal.

:rotfl: what did u base that on?

[JustBinPraised]

:rotfl: what did u base that on?

Let me see, in Islamic law fornication is regarded as being sinful/unlawful, therefore, since a “love marriage” constitutes as a relationship in which a boy and girl decide to form an intimate relationship before being married. This is fornication and is not lawful. So I am confused as to what you find so funny. Maybe you are of the modernist variety who believes that it is ok to have a relationship with someone before getting married. Please clarify your position!

[Ebony]

Depends on the family. Geographical location isn't a good indicator on this issue.

[JustBinPraised]

Depends on the family. Geographical location isn't a good indicator on this issue.


Exactly what I said!

[Paris]

JBP,

Seeing as you haven't ridiculed me for posing a question that others may take offence at - hence, reflecting that your a reasonable person, I'd like to expalin the situation I'm in.

I am a student at university - currently in my final year. I started off the academic year with the aim of obtaining a 1st class degree. I had no desire to spend time with the opposite gender. However, recently I realised that I have developed really strong feelings for this girl of Pakistani Origin - It's not lust, Wallahi. I tried to supress these feelings, but I just can't. Everytime I'm alone, her face just appears in my head. I like her not because of her looks (albeit she is a fairly good looking girl) but her attitude is really good. In her, I see all the characteristics of a truly good Muslim - who will be a truly devoted life partner.
I was going to tell her how I feel - but I've read and heard about how strict Pakistani famalies are. As a westerner who hasn't had much contact with females of Asian Origin, I've no idea how she will respond if I told her how I felt. She is a very shy girl and my guess is that her parents are very strict - meaning no chance of her having a westerner as her husband. Today, whilst chatting to her I came very close to telling her - but I stopped myself.

I really wish I was from Karachi........

[muslim warrior0]

JBP,

Seeing as you haven't ridiculed me for posing a question that others may take offence at - hence, reflecting that your a reasonable person, I'd like to expalin the situation I'm in.

I am a student at university - currently in my final year. I started off the academic year with the aim of obtaining a 1st class degree. I had no desire to spend time with the opposite gender. However, recently I realised that I have developed really strong feelings for this girl of Pakistani Origin - It's not lust, Wallahi. I tried to supress these feelings, but I just can't. Everytime I'm alone, her face just appears in my head. I like her not because of her looks (albeit she is a fairly good looking girl) but her attitude is really good. In her, I see all the characteristics of a truly good Muslim - who will be a truly devoted life partner.
I was going to tell her how I feel - but I've read and heard about how strict Pakistani famalies are. As a westerner who hasn't had much contact with females of Asian Origin, I've no idea how she will respond if I told her how I felt. She is a very shy girl and my guess is that her parents are very strict - meaning no chance of her having a westerner as her husband. Today, whilst chatting to her I came very close to telling her - but I stopped myself.

I really wish I was from Karachi........
well if you aint a paki i doubt her parents will be cool with it.
some parents are really narrow minded and if the girls alright with it i dont think the parents will be.
you say your a westerner? are you a white muslim or something?

[witty]

Dont give up hope because your not from karachi.

there are some families that are ok with reverts, (if of course, you are a revert), and in the end, what matters is, whether or not both of you would better each other in this world and in the hereafter.

It depends on her family, and they could be good/nice people, you shouldn't just hang in the balance, ask her/speak to her and proceed from there.

[JustBinPraised]

JBP,

Seeing as you haven't ridiculed me for posing a question that others may take offence at - hence, reflecting that your a reasonable person, I'd like to expalin the situation I'm in.

I am a student at university - currently in my final year. I started off the academic year with the aim of obtaining a 1st class degree. I had no desire to spend time with the opposite gender. However, recently I realised that I have developed really strong feelings for this girl of Pakistani Origin - It's not lust, Wallahi. I tried to supress these feelings, but I just can't. Everytime I'm alone, her face just appears in my head. I like her not because of her looks (albeit she is a fairly good looking girl) but her attitude is really good. In her, I see all the characteristics of a truly good Muslim - who will be a truly devoted life partner.
I was going to tell her how I feel - but I've read and heard about how strict Pakistani famalies are. As a westerner who hasn't had much contact with females of Asian Origin, I've no idea how she will respond if I told her how I felt. She is a very shy girl and my guess is that her parents are very strict - meaning no chance of her having a westerner as her husband. Today, whilst chatting to her I came very close to telling her - but I stopped myself.

I really wish I was from Karachi........

Firstly, we all feel sexual desires, be it lust, love or however you wish to define these desires, it is human nature to feel such desires, so there should be no shame in expressing such desires. However, what is important, especially being Muslims is to not make them unlawful.

So far since you have not done anything unlawful, I would then advise that you go through the correct channel, i.e. have someone, maybe your parents; approach her family to ask them for her hand in marriage.

Have you actually spoken to your parents about this?

Yes, many Pakistani families prefer to arrange marriage for their children through people they know of. Rather than have someone they have never seen before approach them for their daughters hand in marriage.

Furthermore, if it is done like that, there is the possibility that the family may get the wrong impression and assume that their daughter is actually already dating you. It is very tricky but I think if you can get your parents involved there might be a solution.

But I could be wrong all together.

Just one other thing, you state that you are a westerner, but what does that actually mean? Are you a Pakistani westerner or a white westerner? The term westerner is very vague. It will help to further understand your situation.

[JustBinPraised]

ask her/speak to her and proceed from there.

I personally would not recommend speaking with her personally.

[Paris]

well if you aint a paki i doubt her parents will be cool with it.


That's my fear. I don't want to meet her in secret which is why I wanted to tell her how I feel and if she consents, along with her parents, I wanted get engaged to her.

you say your a westerner? are you a white muslim or something?

No. I'm of South American origin (Argentina to be prcise) and have darker skin colour to the indigenous English population, but I've lived in England all my life.
Picture this scenario: My Parents are not muslims. They would rather I marry an Argie, but wouldn't complain If I chose someone of a different race - how on Earth are they going to convince her parents?

Man.....this is just doomed. Only Allah can help me in this situation.

[JustBinPraised]

No. I'm of South American origin (Argentina to be prcise) and have darker skin colour to the indigenous English population, but I've lived in England all my life.
Picture this scenario: My Parents are not muslims. They would rather I marry an Argie, but wouldn't complain If I chose someone of a different race - how on Earth are they going to convince her parents?

Man.....this is just doomed. Only Allah can help me in this situation.


Then it is a very difficult situation. Some may disagree, but I believe that the vast majority of Pakistani families are not really interested in whether you are Muslim. What is important is that you are Pakistani. It does sound very racist. However, what you need to understand is that Pakistani people are extremely family orientated, what that means is that your family needs to be able to get along with their family an if there is a language barrier than this will cause problems in fomenting strong family ties.

Since I am purely making an assumption about this particular family. I would suggest still go through the correct channels, and maybe this time have someone approach the girl directly rather than her family, and ask her what is the possibility of her marrying a non-Pakistani Muslim. If she says her parents would object, then I can only suggest that you go look elsewhere because if you do pursue this relationship unlawfully you may cause problems with her and her family, and both of you will be in a state of sin.

There is also the possibility that she may not wish to get married yet or her family may have already have arranged someone for her. Therefore, find out all the necessary details before you pop the big question.

[Paris]

Then it is a very difficult situation. Some may disagree, but I believe that the vast majority of Pakistani families are not really interested in whether you are Muslim. What is important is that you are Pakistani. It does sound very racist. However, what you need to understand is that Pakistani people are extremely family orientated, what that means is that your family needs to be able to get along with their family an if there is a language barrier than this will cause problems in fomenting strong family ties.

Since I am purely making an assumption about this particular family. I would suggest still go through the correct channels, and maybe this time have someone approach the girl directly rather than her family, and ask her what is the possibility of her marrying a non-Pakistani Muslim. If she says her parents would object, then I can only suggest that you go look elsewhere because if you do pursue this relationship unlawfully you may cause problems with her and her family, and both of you will be in a state of sin.

There is also the possibility that she may not wish to get married yet or her family may have already have arranged someone for her. Therefore, find out all the necessary details before you pop the big question.

Very Helpful and informative post, BJP!!!

Pray for me all fo you guys!!!

[MalikOne™]

Let me see, in Islamic law fornication is regarded as being sinful/unlawful, therefore, since a “love marriage” constitutes as a relationship in which a boy and girl decide to form an intimate relationship before being married. This is fornication and is not lawful. So I am confused as to what you find so funny. Maybe you are of the modernist variety who believes that it is ok to have a relationship with someone before getting married. Please clarify your position!

No i am a proper muslim alhamdullilah, BUT you said that if they had a relationship before marriage, it is illegal for them to get married.........what do u base that on? How is it "essentially illegal" :rolleyes: to get married, if they had a relationship before marriage? I am in no way supporting/encouraging that type of behaviour, but Im asking you a question

[locked]

dunno about illegal...but they may well be dead...dont they get stoned for that? i.e. fornication...

[MalikOne™]

dunno about illegal...but they may well be dead...dont they get stoned for that? i.e. fornication...

Naa thats adultery

Fornication if the sin was open and ppl know about it- is a 100 lashes

[locked]

Naa thats adultery

Fornication if the sin was open and ppl know about it- is a 100 lashes
oh yeah...that sounds right

(bet some of you boys and girls are relieved ;) )

[JustBinPraised]

No i am a proper muslim alhamdullilah, BUT you said that if they had a relationship before marriage, it is illegal for them to get married.........what do u base that on? How is it "essentially illegal" :rolleyes: to get married, if they had a relationship before marriage? I am in no way supporting/encouraging that type of behaviour, but Im asking you a question

So are you saying that it is ok for a fornicating couple to get married so long as they get their lashes before marriage?

Cool, thanks for that information since I am pretty sure AND strong enough to handle 100 lashes. I guess this means it is ok for me to go on a dating spree. Cool, now I can date, make love to as many girls as I want before I decide upon which is the right one for me to get married with....so long as I get my 100 lashes.

[MalikOne™]

So are you saying that it is ok for a fornicating couple to get married so long as they get their lashes before marriage?


No that isnt right for anyone to do

Of course fornication is disgusting, haraam and a major sin.

But if u could please post evidence from the quran and sunnah affirming what you have said.

[JustBinPraised]

:wacko: btw i didnt assume at 1st you meant relationship as fornication.

Of course fornication is disgusting, haraam and a major sin.

But if u cud pls post evidence from the Quran and Sunnah, Jazakallahkhair

Sorry you are all over the place. Could you please clarify your position clearly first? Are you saying that it is ok for fornicating people to get married so long as they get their lashes first?

[MalikOne™]

Sorry you are all over the place. Could you please clarify your position clearly first? Are you saying that it is ok for fornicating people to get married so long as they get their lashes first?

My position is of the Authentic Islamic one based on the Quran and Sunnah. I am in no way saying that it is ok in any way, shape or form.


Is this what you are basically saying?-- " Two people that have fornicated with each other, it is illegal for them to marry each other"

If so, could you please just clarify that using the Quran and Sunnah, it is alhamdullilah of no personal concern to me, but the only reason i am questioning you is because logically it doesent make sense to me, or maybe I have just mis-intepreted or mis-read something you have said. :)

[JustBinPraised]

My position is of the Authentic Islamic one based on the Quran and Sunnah.

Which is?

[Paris]

Please guys, put your differences aside. You both know what's right and whats wrong in accordance with the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunnah....there is no need to dwell on a small misunderstanding and certainly no point in proving who knows more. Life is too short for that :) vanity = :nono: Let's see the two of you show some more :love: and :there: towards each other.

[musalimah]

SubhanAllah......


Well for the brother who is in "love" a piece of advise Alhumdullillah not by me but by a Alhumdulillah knowledgeble person plus it makes sense too so InshaALlah here it is....
brother u know shaytan may come to u wid a good thing MAshaAllah u know ur rights and she knows her u know for this reason fot these temptations that y it is soo prohibited to talk to a strange male or female ( intermingling i mean) u meantion u r in univstity mashaAllah but i know a lot os sisters as well as brother who are like don not even approach the opposite gender ( unless of course theres a big time emergency) but again guzarah ho jata hai ( means u dont have to talk to the opposite to survive in uni Alhumdulillah)
Getting to my point InshaAllah first she is paki althou if u both are muslim culture, race wot ever shudnt matter if parents both side agree. But once again u mentioned u wanted to tell her that u like her wen u guyz r alone well the third party is shaytan ( hadeetg approx meaning) so beeter b careful.

The advice that was given to a person i know by a mashaAllah knowledble person was that if u like the girl go talk to her parents marry her ( do nikkah) so u cant commit or even go near zina u dont know how many pple shaytan had led astray. Allah knows best but better b careful wen talkin to her and she shud be too like the smiles n all that u know this mite not seem a big thing but wallahi it is ....it surely is....

And umm one last thing InshaAllah ( wont bore u) there is sumone who loves u soooooooooooooooooooo much like the O's wud go on forever y dunt u luv Him back care abt His love u know . Plus ask Allah for a religous spouse InshaAllah u will be aazed InshaAllah at how He ( SWT) can help and InshaAllah how (SWT) can bless u with a wonderful spouse InshaAllah.....

As far astalkin wid the oposite strange widout any reason like all aiwian kisam ki talks ( useless talks) is again not allowed


Allah knows best


This us just an advice from ur sis InshaAllah no offence.....

JazakAllahu khairun

walaikum aslam wr wb

[Aseer]

Salam,

brother, i think you should listen to this lecture, its all about what your going through and how to deal with the situation....

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6TSWGM7K (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6TSWGM7K)

[musalimah]

Aslam o Alaikum wr wb

JazakAllah....sth we should all listen i think u shud post this in the general discussion too InshaAllah....

Walaikum aslam wr wb

[Aseer]

salam sis, did you listen to it??

i would urge everyone to listen to that, especially the youth cos its all so true with society today.