View Full Version : My Wife And Hijaab
Slmz all... How do i convince my wife to abandon dressing like the kufaar of the west? I have given her books on virtues on hijaab and stuff i found on the net and i even told her that i would buy her all of the most expensive hijaabs and scarfs that she wanted. She just seems non interested. :( I dont want to force her, i want her to do it cos she sees the benefit for herself..
peace2u
21-11-05, 06:31 AM
You can't, unfortunately. You will just have to be patient and keep encouraging her to wear it.
Peace
Salam Alaikum
The best thing akhi, is to lead by example. If the husband starts practising the sunnah then the wife, InshaAllah, will come around.
Sometimes i find it very annoying when brothers want their wives to wear the hijab whilest they look like skinned chicken.
Haz
peace2u
21-11-05, 07:49 AM
skinned chicken??!!??LOL
But akhi she is right, maybe if you set a better example she may follow. Maybe she needs to see you firmer in the deen to fill the need to become stronger in hers. But insha Allah, our duas are with you.
Peace
Al-ghurabah
21-11-05, 12:01 PM
did you not know of this issue before marriage? after marriafe the wife is no longer a responsiblity of her dad or brother but her husband. if she sins you will be responsible. she should under islam listen to you. anyway make duah. ask her its a duty from alah. and if you dissobey you are commiting a sin. and that you are naked infront of allah if you do not cover up
Salahudin
21-11-05, 12:21 PM
Akhi since we don't know enough about your wifeto provide you with the best advice on the issue, I would advice you to figure out why, the reasong behind her not wanting to dress Islamicly.
why is she not interested is the question?
Is it because of ignorence, or lack of imaan or simply she is following her hawaa?
so try to understand her mindset and then try to give her Nasiiha in a kind wise manner, that will be the most productive way.
Insha'Allah make duas to Allah too that He may guide her and all of us to the straight path.
ps. unless you are yourself dressing and living islamicly, nothing you do will matter. so make sure you lead by example as have been sugested above.
Fi'amanillah
You can't, unfortunately. You will just have to be patient and keep encouraging her to wear it.
Peace
i agree, jus say it and thats it, dont pressurise her or force her, she needs to do this for herself.
My frineds' hubbie kept sayign to her and she used to feel pressurised , she told him not to do that and that she would do it wen she is ready , mashallah now she wears itr and wouldnt be without it!
jus make dua, she knows u want her to wear it, thats enuff, let her be guided to it herself inshallah.
Be patient. :)
Thanks for the advice! I have a beard and follow sunnah. Its not like she is unislamic, no,she makes all her salaah and reads quran but she likes fashion a bit too much. ALLAH shukr she is a beautiful woman. I see how men and women stare at her and this is what angers me more.She doesnt dress open or anything but still not islamic.
Supernova Nebula
21-11-05, 12:52 PM
try take her to some religious lectures, a place where usually muslim women wear proper hijab. it's ok, if she starts with something like shawl or a small scarf that doesnt really cover. gradually inshaAllah she'll wear a proper hijab. or try introduce her to your friends' wives who wear proper hijab.
tell her how beautiful she looks in it :D
AbuMubarak
21-11-05, 02:02 PM
some good advice has been given
first, look at yourself and the niyyah when you married her
two be a good example, not like chicken skinned (that was funny)
lastly, if she makes salat, then she fears Allah, and all that needs to be done now is to nurture her knowledge of the grave and teh day of judgement, there are punishments for a woman attracting men's attention outside, she should not want that, because she will be punished for that on the day of judgement
Salman Al-Farsi
21-11-05, 03:07 PM
Slmz all... How do i convince my wife to abandon dressing like the kufaar of the west? I have given her books on virtues on hijaab and stuff i found on the net and i even told her that i would buy her all of the most expensive hijaabs and scarfs that she wanted. She just seems non interested. :( I dont want to force her, i want her to do it cos she sees the benefit for herself..
Wa alaykum as slaam
InshAllah spend time with her and get to the bottom of why isnt she comfortable wearing the Hijaab. Perhaps its her friends the peer pressure is one of main factors. Apart from that there are western ideas like women's liberation which are infected in our minds since childhood and we are taught its our RIGHT to dress how we like etc.
I would say, evaluate her ideas and show her that only Allah aza wa jal knows whats best for her. Alas introduce her to your friends wives who wear the Hijaab so all her misconceptions are clear.
Chained_Water
21-11-05, 03:44 PM
Women can be VERY touchy about this, especially if it is a man encouraging them. Because it never seems like encouragement from a man, it would feel like she is being pushed into it, like you don't accept/love her as she is, that you think she's suddenly not good enough for you, that she has no say over how she lives, like she's being forced, and so on and so forth.
I think it would be better coming from another woman, so Salmans idea about meeting your friends wives and so on is a good one.. but do it subtely! Do not make it obvious or she will switch off and take no interest in getting to know them.
Approach it with wisdom. Be patient, loving and affectionate towards her, make her feel loved and accepted, treat her like an ADULT not like a little child whom must simply "do as i say!" ..engage with her, TALK to her about it, find out why she doesn't want to, what she believes about hijaab, how important islam is to her, discuss islam with her in general, speak, debate, discuss, get her opinion, treat her as a mature adult with her own thoughts, feelings and opinions. Once she gets talking, then you can overcome each of her objections one by one and make her see why hijaab is necessary and good.
I agree with bro AbuM about prayer.. does she pray? do you pray with her? (don't answer that, just ask yourself) Start at the beginning! Hijaab is not the be all and end all, it is not the foundation nor the finishing touch, its just one part of a big thing. Help her lay the foundations of practising Islam first.
:wswrwb:
did you not know of this issue before marriage? after marriafe the wife is no longer a responsiblity of her dad or brother but her husband. if she sins you will be responsible.
What?? If she sins, she is responsible. It's up to him to give her advice, but she's the one who gets the hasanaat or sayi'aat for listening or not. The advice everyone else gave is :up: I have nothing to add ;)
jannah1978
21-11-05, 04:59 PM
ALLAH shukr she is a beautiful woman. I see how men and women stare at her and this is what angers me more.She doesnt dress open or anything but still not islamic.
Her beauty should be for you. She can still dress up in non islamic clothes but for you. That shows how much she loves you. She can still get all dressed up when she is with sisters on a special day or when they meet together. How does she feel if other women stare at you? Ask her that........
Maybe she needs to be in the company of sisters that dress islamically that might encourage her to dress islamically.
-Espérer-
21-11-05, 08:31 PM
You should spend more time with her, teaching her what's right and what's wrong and the punishments of doing whats wrong. Just don't force her into it.
You should spend more time with her, teaching her what's right and what's wrong and the punishments of doing whats wrong. Just don't force her into it.
You know, I know I am going to regret asking this, why? If she is doing wrong, and her husband is able to stop her by forcing her to stop, why, from an Islamic point of view, shouldn't he force her to stop? I am not suggesting beating, but anything short of that? It is not as if this is a trivial matter either in this world or the next.
Al-Irhaab
21-11-05, 08:54 PM
assalamualaikum wr wb
brother talk to her about her islamic duties about heavan and hell ask her to become a good muslim, if she does not listen then divorce her, Allah (swt) will ask you on the day of judgement why you chose such a mother for your kids, if she does not change. Allah (Swt) will account you for her deeds as you are her mahram and her wali.
May Allah (swt) make it easy for you and guide your family to the deen and all of us.
walaikum assalam wr wb
Chained_Water
21-11-05, 08:54 PM
You know, I know I am going to regret asking this, why? If she is doing wrong, and her husband is able to stop her by forcing her to stop, why, from an Islamic point of view, shouldn't he force her to stop? I am not suggesting beating, but anything short of that? It is not as if this is a trivial matter either in this world or the next.
Err how about because it may cause her to start hating and resenting him and lead to further problems within the marriage?
She is NOT a child who can be forced to do this or that. He's not going to dress her in the morning like you do a 5 yr old, and it is not something he can beat her over, how can you force an adult to do something against their will?
She has to take responsibility for her own actions and make up her own mind, because Allah(swt) will judge her on her own actions and her life is her own test.
Her husband has to fulfil his responsibility which is to advise her and correct her, and continue to do so, with wisdom. Why would he be held to account for her sins if he does that to be best of his ability?
Al-Irhaab
21-11-05, 09:00 PM
Err how about because it may cause her to start hating and resenting him and lead to further problems within the marriage?
She is NOT a child who can be forced to do this or that. He's not going to dress her in the morning like you do a 5 yr old, and it is not something he can beat her over, how can you force an adult to do something against their will?
She has to take responsibility for her own actions and make up her own mind, because Allah(swt) will judge her on her own actions and her life is her own test.
Her husband has to fulfil his responsibility which is to advise her and correct her, and continue to do so, with wisdom. Why would he be held to account for her sins if he does that to be best of his ability?
he is accountable because he is her wali, he is accountable because he is her mahram, he is accountable because he is choosing her to be the mother of his kids.
-Espérer-
21-11-05, 09:00 PM
You got there before me... Thanks.
Btw, I always read Chained Water as clear water :rolleyes:
Don't ask why
-Espérer-
21-11-05, 09:02 PM
he is accountable because he is her wali, he is accountable because he is her mahram, he is accountable because he is choosing her to be the mother of his kids.
You can take a horse to a river, but you can't make him drink the water. He has to make her understand but if she wants to accept or not.. thats her problem. She has to make the choice of left or right. He can't make her do it. He's doing all he can, and after that, it's upto her.. He cannot be accountable for her wrong doings. :S
ur_yusra
21-11-05, 09:20 PM
Slmz all... How do i convince my wife to abandon dressing like the kufaar of the west? I have given her books on virtues on hijaab and stuff i found on the net and i even told her that i would buy her all of the most expensive hijaabs and scarfs that she wanted. She just seems non interested. :( I dont want to force her, i want her to do it cos she sees the benefit for herself..
this might sound like the most stupidest question on Earth... but can I ask why you would like her to wear hijab?? what has expensiveness got to do with hijab..?? I just want to know where your coming from.. also why did u marry such a woman who does not cover... or is it that u progressed in your own deen after marriage...??
Al-Irhaab
21-11-05, 09:58 PM
You can take a horse to a river, but you can't make him drink the water. He has to make her understand but if she wants to accept or not.. thats her problem. She has to make the choice of left or right. He can't make her do it. He's doing all he can, and after that, it's upto her.. He cannot be accountable for her wrong doings. :S
your wife is not your horse she is gonna be the mother of your kids what is she gonna teach your kids if she cant show her own deen to be good. imagine your horse refused to drink or do anything else you told it to... what would you do... youd get rid of it simple as..
and before some of the sisters start going crazy and spouting rubbish about thats no way to treat your wife etc etc the same goes for the husband... if the husband does not pray or fast or is abusive to his wife the wife should leave him... deen comes before everything.
this might sound like the most stupidest question on Earth... but can I ask why you would like her to wear hijab?? what has expensiveness got to do with hijab..?? I just want to know where your coming from.. also why did u marry such a woman who does not cover... or is it that u progressed in your own deen after marriage...??
Erm... for one thing, he might be trying to encourage her to wear it by telling her that he'll get the most expensive ones (ie: fancier/prettier/etc.). He's willing to pay top dollar, if it'll get her to wear it. I don't see a problem with this idea, wallahu a3lam. Yes, we should be humble in our way of dressing. However, deen is something that's taken step by step. One can't expect a non-hijaby to all of a sudden to dress humbly in a hijab and jilbab forever, overnight.
Also, a woman that does not cover- does that make her unmarriageable to someone who is practicing?? Whether or not he progressed in his deen after marriage shouldn't be an issue. Maybe she comes from a good family, has a good heart, and has the potential to wear the hijab.
he is accountable because he is her wali, he is accountable because he is her mahram, he is accountable because he is choosing her to be the mother of his kids.
Surat Abasa:
80:34 That Day shall a man flee from his own brother,
80:35 And from his mother and his father,
80:36 And from his wife and his children.
80:37 Each one of them, that Day, will have enough concern (of his own) to make him indifferent to the others.
("That day" refers to: The Day of Judgement).
So no, he's not accountable for her actions. He's accountable for giving her advice about her Islamic duties, but he's not going to be punished if she refuses to listen. Prophet Nuh, a3layhi as'salam, had a son who refused to listen to him. He pleaded for him to go in the ship with him, but the son disobeyed him, and thought that if he stayed on the mountain, then he will be protected from the flood. Prophet Nuh did his part, in telling his son to listen to him, and to obey Allah. His son disobeyed. Does this mean that Prophet Nuh will be punished for his son's actions? Audhu billah.
Islamically, parents have to fulfill their roles as parents. They must help their children & encourage them to obey Allah. Husbands have to encourage their wives to fulfill their duties in Islam, and vice versa. However, people will be held accountable for their actions only.
~Ayah
Khadhijah
22-11-05, 05:35 AM
Prophet Nuh, a3layhi as'salam, had a son who refused to listen to him. He pleaded for him to go in the ship with him, but the son disobeyed him, and thought that if he stayed on the mountain, then he will be protected from the flood. Prophet Nuh did his part, in telling his son to listen to him, and to obey Allah. His son disobeyed. Does this mean that Prophet Nuh will be punished for his son's actions? Audhu billah
To add on that, two good examples are the wives of Prophet Nuh (as) and Prophet Lut (as). Both their wives disobeyed them and Allah swt mentions them in the Quran. That does not mean that the fact that they did not listen to their husbands, these two Prophets (as) would be punished. Wal Iyadhu Billah.
He is responsible for his wife and all he can do is try his best to make dawah to her and remind her of her duties to Allah Azza wa Jal. In the end its upto her to choose whatever she likes and she will either be rewarded or punished for what she does.
Jzk ALLAH for the advice! Some very very good points were put forward and i will try some of them out.Ultimately, its all in the hands of ALLAH.
You could consider to reward her :), as follows:
you: Tell me, do you want something deeply and never have told me because you know i will say NO?
she: yes, it would be...
you: well if you wear a time of.... i will be agree with that.
During this time she will develop her skill to wear it and after that she might not give up too.
Meanwhile you can smile much more to her to show you are content too.
You could consider to reward her :), as follows:
you: Tell me, do you want something deeply and never have told me because you know i will say NO?
she: yes, it would be...
you: well if you wear a time of.... i will be agree with that.
During this time she will develop her skill to wear it and after that she might not give up too.
Meanwhile you can smile much more to her to show you are content too.
:scratch:
wat do u mean?
Err how about because it may cause her to start hating and resenting him and lead to further problems within the marriage?
Well yes, but that sounds like a Western answer - is it an Islamic one? If a wife refuses to fulfil her religious obligations surely any problems that result are her fault and her problem?
She is NOT a child who can be forced to do this or that. He's not going to dress her in the morning like you do a 5 yr old, and it is not something he can beat her over, how can you force an adult to do something against their will?
Well it probably is something he can beat her over to be honest - as if men who do that sort of thing need an excuse. But he can stop short of that and do all the "banish from the bed" things. Wives do a lot for their husbands.
She has to take responsibility for her own actions and make up her own mind, because Allah(swt) will judge her on her own actions and her life is her own test.
Her husband has to fulfil his responsibility which is to advise her and correct her, and continue to do so, with wisdom. Why would he be held to account for her sins if he does that to be best of his ability?
But "best of his ability" covers a lot of territory. Someone recently posted here about how he made his sister wear the hijab by not letting her out in anything else. And then later, when she was older, with the jilbab. And now she loves it. Is it worth the risk of marital disharmony to enforce the law?
Al-Irhaab
22-11-05, 10:07 AM
To add on that, two good examples are the wives of Prophet Nuh (as) and Prophet Lut (as). Both their wives disobeyed them and Allah swt mentions them in the Quran. That does not mean that the fact that they did not listen to their husbands, these two Prophets (as) would be punished. Wal Iyadhu Billah.
He is responsible for his wife and all he can do is try his best to make dawah to her and remind her of her duties to Allah Azza wa Jal. In the end its upto her to choose whatever she likes and she will either be rewarded or punished for what she does.
what did lut (as) do with his wife ... He LEFT her and she was punished with the rest of his people.
the prophet (saw) said one of the rights the child has over you is to have a good mother.
I will find you another hadith where the prophet (Saw) talks about every person is a shepard and has his sheep and the husband is shepard over his wife.
peace2u
22-11-05, 12:54 PM
yes he is the leader of his household and should do whatever he can to help her see the truth, but in the end, his job is done by enjoining what's good and lawful, he can not be punished for her sins if she refuses.
Peace
-Espérer-
22-11-05, 05:09 PM
your wife is not your horse she is gonna be the mother of your kids what is she gonna teach your kids if she cant show her own deen to be good. imagine your horse refused to drink or do anything else you told it to... what would you do... youd get rid of it simple as..
and before some of the sisters start going crazy and spouting rubbish about thats no way to treat your wife etc etc the same goes for the husband... if the husband does not pray or fast or is abusive to his wife the wife should leave him... deen comes before everything.
Hahahaha, awwww Al Ihraab... You make me laugh. The horse comment was a quote. It's a way of saying that you can provide someone with everyhting you have and wether they accept it or not, it's their choice. :)
I agree with the last thing you said.
and I'm not a bro. :)
Al-Irhaab
22-11-05, 05:14 PM
yes he is the leader of his household and should do whatever he can to help her see the truth, but in the end, his job is done by enjoining what's good and lawful, he can not be punished for her sins if she refuses.
Peace
so if your wife is say a prostitute its ok because its not your problem... what a stupid arguement.... course your accountable because you have the choice to stop her or leave her if you cant stop her then you must leave her.
so if your wife is say a prostitute its ok because its not your problem... what a stupid arguement.... course your accountable because you have the choice to stop her or leave her if you cant stop her then you must leave her.
Wow, astaghfarullah, you're blowing this way out of proportion. Of course no one would tolerate his wife to be a prostitute. My God, she just doesn't wear the hijaab. She hasn't committed zina! Subhan Allah. :rolleyes: I haven't read anywhere where it says that one must leave his wife b/c she doesn't fully practice Islam. What about men who marry Christian or Jewish women? Do they carry lesser of a responsibility b/c they're not Muslims? Our deen is simple. Don't complicate it more than neccessary. The brother is simply asking for advice on how to encourage his wife to wear the hijab. He's not going to be punished for her wrong doings. He's accountable for whether or not he helps to guide her, end of story. Produce an ayah from the Quran or a hadith to back up what you're saying, and maybe I'll think differently about your posts. Otherwise, quit acting like a judge, for Allah is the Judge of judges.
~Ayah
Al-Irhaab
22-11-05, 05:35 PM
Wow, astaghfarullah, you're blowing this way out of proportion. Of course no one would tolerate his wife to be a prostitute. My God, she just doesn't wear the hijaab. She hasn't committed zina! Subhan Allah. :rolleyes: I haven't read anywhere wear it says that one must leave his wife b/c she doesn't fully practice Islam. What about men who marry Christian or Jewish women? Do they carry lesser of a responsibility b/c they're not Muslims? Our deen is simple. Don't complicate it more than neccessary. The brother is simply asking for advice on how to encourage his wife to wear the hijab. He's not going to be punished for her wrong doings. He's accountable for whether or not he helps to guide her, end of story. Produce an ayah from the Quran or a hadith to back up what you're saying, and maybe I'll think differently about your posts. Otherwise, quit acting like a judge, for Allah is the Judge of judges.
~Ayah
the prophet (saw) said if one hair of a womans head is showing she is naked in the eyes of allah (swt)
so a husband should tolerate his wife walking around naked ?
explain to her that she must cover explain to her the beauty of hijab then give her an ultimatum either cover or talaq talaq talaq choose which one you want end of.
Allah (Swt) is the judge and the prophey (saw) said your children have a right over you that you choose a good mother for them.
It is not obligation on a christian to cover it is obligation on a muslim to cover.
explain to her that she must cover explain to her the beauty of hijab then give her an ultimatum either cover or talaq talaq talaq choose which one you want end of.
Where does it say that you're supposed to give such an ultimatum?? Back it up!! Otherwise, you're misguiding ppl to do something that has no basis in Islam.
www.sunnipath.com (http://www.sunnipath.com/)
This fatwa is about the convert's hijab. However, often times, Muslims themselves are new to Islam if they come from backgrounds where their families didn't practice. Thus, it can be applied to this situation, and Allah knows best.
Q: I would like some light on the rule about Hijaab if there are any exceptions in the case of a Catholic who has now converted, married with a Muslim man, and is now as I stated following the Islamic religion. The problem arises when she has heard from the local Sheikh that she does not NEED to wear hijaab because, if she is not prepared, then as he said, she is NOT obliged. As far as I know, rules are rules, Islam is flexible to all at times when required to do so, but I think that for the Sheikh to say that was not the best advice. She now has constant conflict with her husband concerning this topic stating that a “Sheikh” has said that she can. He wants her to wear her garments as prescribed by his religion because its the right thing to do and also has heard that its the husband’s duty to see that his wife dresses accordingly. Is there any exceptions for converts regarding Hijaab? Is this the husbands duty to see that she wears accordingly? Was the Sheikh wrong to say what he did?
As-Salamu `alaykum:
Hijab is hijab and the duty to cover stands as prescribed; but since she is a new Muslim she has to take things step by step, just as fard in Islam was revealed step by step. The Companions were taught Iman first; then the fara’id.
The husband will be questioned about his household including this matter. The Holy Prophet, upon him peace, warned against the dayyuth or one who does not care who sees his wife and daughters in ways they ought not to be seen by non-mahrams. So the husband is doing the right thing in principle, as Allah Most High said, {Protect yourselves and your spouses from the Fire}.
However, there is a good (ma`ruf) way of enjoining the good. Perhaps this is where the husband is doing it the wrong way, as his wife may or may not be ready to wear the hijab in the proper manner at this point. This should not become a conflict where everything becomes a problem. That is what Shaytan wants.
She has to be treated extra-leniently as she is still among the mu’allafat al-qulub or those new to Islam. Perhaps the Shaykh understood this more than the husband. Let her begin with a head-band and work her way up from there insha Allah. Her socializing with pious Muslimas will help greatly.
In recapitulation, the answer to the three questions are:
(1) Yes, there are exceptions for converts regarding hijaab, governed by mental disposition toward Islam, cultural background, cultural, social, and political context, knowledge, Iman, and other factors. The Prophet, upon him peace, even permitted an early convert to leave out certain daily prayers knowing that otherwise he would leave them all out and knowing that in the future he would be doing them all insha Allah. It took twenty-three years for many of the obligatory rulings to become obligatory in early Islam, yet today we want to jump from zero practice to perfection in 1 day.
(2) Yes, it is the husband’s duty and responsibility to see that hijab is worn by those responsible to do so in his household, but he must approach his duty with wisdom and right speech, not inflexibility.
Furthermore, he must be the first one to practice what he preaches AND provide a good example even in what is not obligatory for him. As Brother Musa Furber said:
“[T]he brothers should remember that all too often we get strict with the sisters when we should share part of the burden of responsibility. We are quite eager when it comes to enforcing the jilbab, khimar, niqab, and gloves when we’re back home--especially when it comes to the work place and at school. Yet you hardly see many of us walking around with loose fitting shirts, pants, abayah, and `imamah--especially in those same places. If we expect this from them, shouldn’t we demand it from ourselves?”
(3) The Shaykh was not wrong to say what he did. He said the right thing, applying the Qur’anic advices and following Prophetic precedents. May Allah reward him, help every couple in this state, and grant us Hikma.
Was-Salam
Hajj Gibril
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1928&CATE=121
Question:
I would like to ask what, are permissible reasons to divorce one’s wife. We have been married for 6 years. Beginning of the marriage my wife used to pray and cover. Now, she neither prays nor covers, and has little regard for the guidance of Islam. I have tried to talked to her bringing independent people in and she can tell them what problems she has from me and I can explain what problems I have and see if we can reach to a compromise or decision but she does not want that as well. I just can not stand to live like this non-Islamic way. Is it ok for me to make the decision for separation/divorce on grounds purely based on to look for some respect, live rest of my life according to Sunnah but nothing else.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
The first and primary thing to do is explain to your wife in a kind, gentle and pleasant manner. Explain to her the rewards in the hereafter for observing the injunctions of Islam and the promise for punishment in the case of non fulfilment. Also, explain to her the benefits, peace and tranquillity gained in this world in adhering to the commandments of Allah Almighty.
It may well be that you are over-insistent on outward details, when her problem is primarily an inward one of waning religious commitment and weakened faith. This is not helped by requests to adhere to a list of ‘rules’ but by indirect encouragement and positive reinforcement.
Think of such ways of improving the situation. This may include trying to visit religious friends whose wives may have a indirect positive long-term effect on her. Try also to re-kindle her love for you by giving her a lot of attention, time, and love, without being judgmental. Gifts and trips help in this regard.
Allah Most High says:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones”. (Surah al-Tahrim, 6).
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:
“Verily each one of you is responsible and each one of you will be questioned regarding those they are responsible for.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, & Sahih Muslim).
However, this must be done with wisdom (hikma) and gentleness, as not to cause more damage than already done. At times, due to the harsh and ruthless treatment of others in advising them, it has an adverse effect. Some may turn away (Allah forbid) from Islam altogether.
Allah Most High says:
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful counsel; and discuss with them in ways that are best and most gracious”. (Surah al-Nahl, 125).
If you fulfill your responsibility and she still does not change her un-Islamic ways, then you will not be held responsible, for Allah Almighty says:
““On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear/” (al-Baqarah, 286)
What about divorce?
As far as divorcing is concerned, it is not necessary for you to divorce a sinful or immoral wife. If you wish to remain with her by exercising patience coupled with good counsel, you will be rewarded. And who knows, this may even be a means for her reformation in the long run. And remember that, “Matters are according to their endings.”
One of the things to do is to supplicate for your wife, out of love and concern (not dislike or scorn), after every prayer, and every morning and night. Allah grants the prayer of needy and sincere believers.
The great Hanafi jurist, Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“It is not necessary (wajib) upon the husband to divorce his corrupt ( fajira) wife, and neither is it necessary for her to demand separation from a immoral husband unless when they both fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, in which case there is nothing wrong ( la ba’s) in separating”. (See: Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar, 3/50).
However, if you think that your rights (of which obedience is of primary importance) are being violated and will continue to be violated in the long run, and you are unable to remain with her due to her evil ways, then it would not be legally disliked to divorce her. Rather, this may well be recommended in some cases.
Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“It will be recommended (mustahab) to divorce her if she causes harm (verbally or physically, Ibn Abidin) or does not pray (includes other obligatory acts, Ibn Abidin). The outcome of this is that there is no sin in living with a woman who does not pray”. (Radd al-Muhtar, 3/229).
In summary, your responsibility is to advice her in a polite manner. By advising her, your responsibility will be fulfilled. In terms of divorcing her, it is not necessary to divorce her. However, if you wish to divorce her, then this is also permissible.
However, do not take the ‘final step’ of divorce before going to a reliable and wise scholar, with whom you should discuss the details of your case and the right way ahead.
And Allah knows best.
Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK
www.daruliftaa.co.uk (http://www.daruliftaa.co.uk/)
With Faraz Rabbani
serious
22-11-05, 06:07 PM
some times we find very islamic woman this way so it is not strange ,such that you should not try to force her .she might only know the major part like praying and fasting is the obligatory thing to do and hijab is some thing additional with a minor sin that can be removed with another good deed like praying more etc . if she is this kind of person she will one day come to the point where she understands the significance of the hijab with full satisfaction so all you need is to be patient at the same time she has to know you are not satisfied with her and your patience over her
she will one day understand her mistake and correct it inshallah
ur_yusra
22-11-05, 06:14 PM
erm..
ur_yusra
22-11-05, 06:19 PM
so if your wife is say a prostitute its ok because its not your problem... what a stupid arguement.... course your accountable because you have the choice to stop her or leave her if you cant stop her then you must leave her.
If a woman does NOT cover and the man was not practising before he married her (otherwise id assume he would have married a woman who covered) and he became practising and she refused to cover after dawah, then of course he should give her time as he himself should realise that coming to the deen is not always sudden, so divorcing her so soon is abit rash.. and plus when did the prophet (saw) say that one should divorce their wife if say she doesnt wear hijab?? ... I thought the criteria was that she was a muslim..
rather would it not be better to carry on giving dawah and doing lots of duah and inshaAllah the wife will come around..
(How will the husband be sinning if he is constantly doing duah for her and talking to her about hijab etc..and refraining from divorce which is in itself disliked and should be avoided.. as for comparing this action to a prostitute..astughfirullah.. do u know what a prostitute is??)
Al-Irhaab
23-11-05, 09:14 AM
If a woman does NOT cover and the man was not practising before he married her (otherwise id assume he would have married a woman who covered) and he became practising and she refused to cover after dawah, then of course he should give her time as he himself should realise that coming to the deen is not always sudden, so divorcing her so soon is abit rash.. and plus when did the prophet (saw) say that one should divorce their wife if say she doesnt wear hijab?? ... I thought the criteria was that she was a muslim..
rather would it not be better to carry on giving dawah and doing lots of duah and inshaAllah the wife will come around..
(How will the husband be sinning if he is constantly doing duah for her and talking to her about hijab etc..and refraining from divorce which is in itself disliked and should be avoided.. as for comparing this action to a prostitute..astughfirullah.. do u know what a prostitute is??)
I never said dont give her time :rolleyes: spend as much time as you can with her... she is your wife after all not some woman of the street... talk to her spend time with her and try to change her but if she does not then divorce her. why? because she will be the mother of your children and what mother do you want for your children a fajira?
yes I know what a prostitute is no a woman who does not cover is not a prostitute, yes you can compare the actions because one is zina and one is walking around naked, they are not equal but we are talking about the principle of leaving a wife for doing haram not comparing the action in terms of which one is better or worse, please read what I wrote before you get all emotional.
Al-Irhaab
23-11-05, 09:25 AM
Mufti Muhammed ibn Adam is not a scholar I trust in regards to fatawa.. I will check inshallah again from ulema here...
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones”. (Surah al-Tahrim, 6).
Verily each one of you is responsible and each one of you will be questioned regarding those they are responsible for.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, & Sahih Muslim)
Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“It will be recommended (mustahab) to divorce her if she causes harm (verbally or physically, Ibn Abidin) or does not pray (includes other obligatory acts, Ibn Abidin). The outcome of this is that there is no sin in living with a woman who does not pray”. (Radd al-Muhtar, 3/229).
Ibn Abidin (ra) is a well versed scholar who is trustworthy.. if it is mustahab to divorce then they should divorce...
sin and accountablity are 2 different things if i said sin then forgive me my mistake
Al-Irhaab
23-11-05, 09:29 AM
Book 020, Number 4496:
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn 'Umar that the Holy Prophet (May be upon him) said: Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shal be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.
.: hayat :.
16-02-07, 04:51 PM
Slmz all... How do i convince my wife to abandon dressing like the kufaar of the west? I have given her books on virtues on hijaab and stuff i found on the net and i even told her that i would buy her all of the most expensive hijaabs and scarfs that she wanted. She just seems non interested. :( I dont want to force her, i want her to do it cos she sees the benefit for herself..
it depends where u live..btw,if i would have a hubby like this...offering to buy the most expensives hijabs..uh...i buy hijabs with 1 or 2 euro....and have just 4:embar:
.: Anna :.
16-02-07, 05:42 PM
1 euro :eek: thats a bargain!
perfectpearl
16-02-07, 05:56 PM
asalmu alkum brother,
SEE this technic always works because a women feels special. With this technic i made non-mulsims want to wear it. lol i was just explaing why i wear it
You first tell her that a women is a pearl or a diamond, she always has to be coverd because she is so percious. KEEP GIVING HER COMPLIEMNTS about her looks exc.
tell her she is pretty and beutful and that she is soo gorgeous that you dont want other men to see her.
Tell her that her body and hair is percious and should be only shown to people she could. Tell her she should not be used as an object becuase people look at her and think of her as an object with that cloth. Question her why she wears. She is most likley going to make a real stupid exuse up. TEll her that SHE is married who else does she want to attract. sersiouly most muslism who dont wear it is becuase they want to attract men.
after u get serious start telling her she is very beutful and to think about it becuase you dont want other men seeing her.
----------------
if that doesnt work at all you have to grow iman in her heart first.
first scare her about hell. if you do not know much you have to read and explain hell in depth. Then explain the relgion. THEN expalin Jannah (paradise) in depeth. inshaa allah she will wear proper.
DONT NOT FORCE HER. SHE WILL NEVER WANT TO WEAR IT.
k may god help you and give her hedaih :)
inshaa Allah one day will realize that she should wear proper :)
:salams
This issue has many ramifications....
The first one is... does she think that wearing hijab is fard? That's the very basic thing.
So if she thinks that wearing hijab is not fard then I suggest you give her books on the issue that show the pro- and the against- reasons and then make du'a and ask Allah swt that He guides her to the truth.
But that's about all you can do... enjoin her to good.
Wearing hijab is an act of obedience and of ibada to Allah swt. That's it. So if you "force" her (as it's forced in Muslim majority countries) you're taking away the option for her to use it to please Allah swt. So, really her intention is not to please Allah swt but to get you to stop nagging her and then you will rob her the opportunity to maybe reach the truth! So not only she will be guilty of not wearing hijab, but also of being a hypocrite! Don't do that to her.
So, IMO, as much as you can't coerce someone to convert to Islam, you can "coerce" someone to wear hijab. The person either wears it or not. Period.
As her husband, you've done your duty to advise her and provide her with information and encouragement, which is great. Now it's her who will answer to Allah for her decision as we all will.
I don't understand... didn't you discuss this before marriage???
In the end, if this issue is so important to you, then you could consider divorce. But not in a threatening "if you don't wear hijab I'll divorce you" way, but in a simple "we don't see eye to eye in matters of deen so we should part" way. And make sure that you give her a generous maintainance so she can get back on her feet and redo her life (and you re-do yours).
Oh yeah, and the last thing....
... wearing hijab is not something isolated out of the blue. Wearing hijab is part of an all-encompassing lifestyle and way of submission to Allah swt.
So maybe there are other steps that need to precede this hijab thing. Most importantly, she needs to have a greater Iman, improve her relationship with Allah swt and be open to be guided to His truth. All these things are even more important than wear hijab or not. Establishing the 5 pillars not only in practice but in our hearts should be our first priority.
Book 020, Number 4496:
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn 'Umar that the Holy Prophet (May be upon him) said: Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shal be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.
:salams
Exactly and that means that he needs to "advise" her, not force her!!! If he forces her, her niyya would be incorrect anyways so she'll still have to answer for that.
The Quran, Allah's glorious words who are above any human writing, is very clear in this matter:
The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.[Quran 9:71]
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