View Full Version : 'Waiting state'- Prepared to wait?
*IslamicGirl*
08-11-05, 07:56 PM
:start:
:salams
I’m not talking about software engineering and waiting states related to that :p
I was in a discussion where people were discussing the M word, no not Maltesers sob :crying: but marriage :D
And the gist of the topic was that by the will of Allah if there was a person you considered for marriage but you couldn’t marry them as they had matters to attend to such as finishing education/ stint in another country or looking after parents, anything that prevented you to marry them ASAP, would you wait for them?
Option 1: Would you give them the time and space to finish whatever they were doing, however long it took them ranging from months to a few years.
Or
Option two: Would you move on? As ‘waiting for someone’ is unfair to both parties especially since Allah may provide someone else. Waiting for someone might mean being binded to someone but it can also sometimes become a burden perhaps when one of them doesn’t want to marry the other party and wants to marry someone else instead, leaving the other heart broken. (It does happen :crying: )
Views appreciated from a wide range of people especially, :jkk:
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:00 PM
hmm interesting very interesting. I dont understand why people cant get married and study at the same time... would I be prepared to wait.... well im not married and ahem does that answer the question :rolleyes:
.: Anna :.
08-11-05, 08:40 PM
Yeah as Irhaab said, I think people can marry and do these things at the same time. Unless u really feel you can not do both people should hasten to marry... that is the best thing in Islam, avoids fitna although sometimes people's circumstances cant allow it.
Nothing wrong with waiting although if there is no good reason, then I think it is wrong cos shaytaan will whisper to them like "you are going to marry this person eventually, you can talk with them, you can be alone with them" but you should be married then u can do all those things legit. Even if u jst get ur nikaah and live apart.
BUT some people have the control not to do that. If its someone in ur uni who u see every day I would say you should either marry them quickly or cut off all the communication with them... cos it will be too fitnafied, no denying it... you will talk.
But sadly in this world peoples parents dont let people get married quick as they should, so everyone needs 2 prepare for a small wait at least. so just try to keep urself within the boundaries of Islam.
And also one of the most important things to remember... some people are so good that they are worth waiting for :love:
.: Anna :.
08-11-05, 08:43 PM
Poll added
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:49 PM
Yeah as Irhaab said, I think people can marry and do these things at the same time. Unless u really feel you can not do both people should hasten to marry... that is the best thing in Islam, avoids fitna although sometimes people's circumstances cant allow it.
Nothing wrong with waiting although if there is no good reason, then I think it is wrong cos shaytaan will whisper to them like "you are going to marry this person eventually, you can talk with them, you can be alone with them" but you should be married then u can do all those things legit. Even if u jst get ur nikaah and live apart.
BUT some people have the control not to do that. If its someone in ur uni who u see every day I would say you should either marry them quickly or cut off all the communication with them... cos it will be too fitnafied, no denying it... you will talk.
But sadly in this world peoples parents dont let people get married quick as they should, so everyone needs 2 prepare for a small wait at least. so just try to keep urself within the boundaries of Islam.
And also one of the most important things to remember... some people are so good that they are worth waiting for :love:
tell me about it :rolleyes:
Im good enough to wait for :D inshallah
abdusamad
08-11-05, 08:53 PM
Allah knows best, inshaAllaah first of all dont think about marriage untill your sure your ready. And if the person aint ready, then move on inshaAllaah, because this dunya is tooo short to wait... who guarantees when she/he is ready you'll be breathing. Remember the reasons why you are getting married, and fo who's sake?
Niqaabi
08-11-05, 11:26 PM
hmm well it occures mostly in asian families where the guy's family or girl's want them to wait because the older bro/sis isnt married yet, also 17-19 is very young to marry and they want the child to finish uni etc.
I wouldnt want to annoy the parents too much so for those reasons id probably wait, but if it was anything else, like they just dont want to be the only married person amongst their friends or they wana get married when their mates get married etc then id be like "byebye! :wavey:"
I do agree that you can be married and still get an education at the same time, but different people have different situations, for example, sometimes brother need to move to another city to attend that uni and he's living with 4 other guys then i'd wait for him. Also if he's only 18 and studying and doesnt have a job and keeps saying "how can i marry you now? i cant even afford the invitation cards let alone your mahr" then i wouldnt annoy him, :insha: id just have sabr and wait for him.
And id only wait if he was worth waiting for :love:
Allahu akbar!
forskeNed Life
08-11-05, 11:47 PM
:salams
I guess it just depends on you and whether or not you really want to wait...meaning the person is worth waiting for really. You also have to consider that if you DO wait, how real are the chances of things working out? Obviously, one must sit down with the other party as well and discuss the matters. So in conclusion, it depends really..:D
May Allah help us all. :insha:
:wswrwb:
Nomie
nonmuslim
09-11-05, 03:06 AM
I think it depends on the situation, on the goals attached to the waiting.
If it's about saving money for a flash wedding no, don't wait. If both people are ready to marry but money, family etc are in the way then pushing back constantly and constuctively to marry immediately.
If one is gaining an education and the other is literally waiting for them to get it done that's inequitable and not fair on the waiting person with no gaol other than something another person only can accomplish. Time must be used constructively, the waiting person needs to find a less dependent way of using their time that doesn't feel like "marking time"
Problem solving cannot start too soon in a marriage, working together on solutions teaches each other a lot about who your'e marrying. If you don't like the way it goes, he's too selfish or she has no life outside waiting for him, you can still change your mind and not marry. Waiting can be done while moving forward, if it isn't it's bad use of time.
id be prepared to wait if they were a good person
Siddiqa
09-11-05, 05:35 AM
C) Depended. (X)
Depended on time span, on the person itself (person being worthy enough to wait for... etc) and.... depended on if waiting would lead me to do something haram or not.
Yeah as Irhaab said, I think people can marry and do these things at the same time. Unless u really feel you can not do both people should hasten to marry... that is the best thing in Islam, avoids fitna although sometimes people's circumstances cant allow it.
Nothing wrong with waiting although if there is no good reason, then I think it is wrong cos shaytaan will whisper to them like "you are going to marry this person eventually, you can talk with them, you can be alone with them" but you should be married then u can do all those things legit. Even if u jst get ur nikaah and live apart.
BUT some people have the control not to do that. If its someone in ur uni who u see every day I would say you should either marry them quickly or cut off all the communication with them... cos it will be too fitnafied, no denying it... you will talk.
But sadly in this world peoples parents dont let people get married quick as they should, so everyone needs 2 prepare for a small wait at least. so just try to keep urself within the boundaries of Islam.
And also one of the most important things to remember... some people are so good that they are worth waiting for :love:
Not possible incase of brothers. I have met only a few people who are married, in most cases they have the help of of their parents. If you want to get married a brother should be in a state that he can support his wife and his family, and provide them with required subtanance.
option d) dont get married at all.
option d) dont get married at all.
why its marriage so bad?
I would not wait. Finding reasons only don't get marry and make the other to wait you i found like a very selfish behaviour and has nothing to do with love. And here i would like to add i don't like the conditions which are often put by the groom side only for the wedding to take place, like they would give you the gold man or something ohh dear.
Khadhijah
09-11-05, 07:05 AM
C) Depended. (X)
Depended on time span, on the person itself (person being worthy enough to wait for... etc) and.... depended on if waiting would lead me to do something haram or not.
Exactly!
.: Anna :.
09-11-05, 10:24 AM
Not possible incase of brothers. I have met only a few people who are married, in most cases they have the help of of their parents. If you want to get married a brother should be in a state that he can support his wife and his family, and provide them with required subtanance.
Yeah why does that mean he can't get married young? you don't have to be completely independant to get married... it's not a shari3ah requirement. as long as u can provide, doesnt matter if ur parents help u in that
ur_yusra
09-11-05, 02:28 PM
I dnt think I could study and be married at the same time.. especially if ur in full time education ie,five days a week. This is for several reasons...
1) I'd have no time for my husband
2) I'd have no time to cook unless he cooks for the both of us
3) Id be concentrating on my coursework and exams
4) I'd probably look like a tramp (no time for fashion or cosmetics when doing a degree like mine, but everyones different)
5) I would have alot of other things to worry about.. like children for example.
6) I'd have to hire a maid which my husband will have to finance
...I guess the only way it could be done is if the hubby had a good job, so was ok financially and also if he was patient with me and understood my situation. I have freinds who do it, so it is possible.. and about waiting.. I think its a risk to wait for someone because noone quite knows the future especially if the families havent agreed... Its just plain foolishness..
option 2 if ur a girl
dont worry about the broken heart thing, guys dont have feelings :D
...I guess the only way it could be done is if the hubby had a good job, so was ok financially and also if he was patient with me and understood my situation. I have freinds who do it, so it is possible.. and about waiting.. I think its a risk to wait for someone because noone quite knows the future especially if the families havent agreed... Its just plain foolishness..
The magical warm feelings, innocent feelings from the beginning i don't think will come back. This wait will affect seriously your feelings toward him.
abdusamad
09-11-05, 06:22 PM
Married couple dont have to move in together right away, i fink.
ur_yusra
09-11-05, 06:31 PM
The magical warm feelings, innocent feelings from the beginning i don't think will come back. This wait will affect seriously your feelings toward him.
what do u mean, are u saying by waiting ur feelings will decline?
.: Anna :.
09-11-05, 08:31 PM
Married couple dont have to move in together right away, i fink.
yeah but then u want to...
it would be too hard 2 keep away from ur lovely new husband!!
Salahudin
09-11-05, 08:34 PM
as some have suggested
I guess the answer is diffirent for each indivitual,
and each answer depends on the situation at hand.
Salahudin
09-11-05, 08:35 PM
yeah but then u want to...
it would be too hard 2 keep away from ur lovely new husband!!
:D :D
Yeah why does that mean he can't get married young? you don't have to be completely independant to get married... it's not a shari3ah requirement. as long as u can provide, doesnt matter if ur parents help u in that
where did i say that you can't get married young? I was touching upon the most cases where a student cannot afford to get married while he is studying. its more of a fact than a quote.
you don't have to be completely independant to get married... it's not a shari3ah requirement.
there are issues such as when your living in your parents house, there should be a proper seperation particularly if you have brothers and sisters live in the same house depending whether your the SIL or BIL
what do u mean, are u saying by waiting ur feelings will decline?
I believe that because deep inside you will feel hurt by him. Lets say he is marrying you only after you have finish the studies, which would be around 5 years
What you say? You will not think you are not good for him without this studies?
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