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Assalam Alaikum
Dear brothers and sisters
I am a Pakistani Muslim woman who has married a white convert. But people are making my life a misery with the constant judgmental looks and comments. Some people won't talk to us, this is fellow muslims. We have been shouted at in the street, I have been laughed at.
Subhanallah, I don't understand what the problem is. We married with my parents consent, we have performed Hajj together but all people can see is that he is white and I am asian and I must be a bad woman. It seems to me people are very judgemental of me because I wear hijab and I am with a white man.
It is constant stares from people that I can't stand. I am a very private person and hate attention. I dress modestly, hijab and jilbab, when I am on my own people are friendly, when they see me with my husband then they become judgemental.
Allah gave a muslim woman the freedom to marry any man as long as he is muslim so I don't understand why I get all this hassle.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 08:53 AM
Assalam Alaikum
Dear brothers and sisters
I am a Pakistani Muslim woman who has married a white convert. But people are making my life a misery with the constant judgmental looks and comments. Some people won't talk to us, this is fellow muslims. We have been shouted at in the street, I have been laughed at.
Subhanallah, I don't understand what the problem is. We married with my parents consent, we have performed Hajj together but all people can see is that he is white and I am asian and I must be a bad woman. It seems to me people are very judgemental of me because I wear hijab and I am with a white man.
It is constant stares from people that I can't stand. I am a very private person and hate attention. I dress modestly, hijab and jilbab, when I am on my own people are friendly, when they see me with my husband then they become judgemental.
Allah gave a muslim woman the freedom to marry any man as long as he is muslim so I don't understand why I get all this hassle.
tell me about it, I'm a white convert married to a Pakistani women, we used to only get stared at in asian areas, but lately this has spread to white areas as well,
muslim_sis
08-11-05, 09:04 AM
well sis , they just getting mixed up with culture etc > ur culture is islam , and u want to please Allah so dont care about wat other people think .Allah make u strong.ameen.:)
Mr_Jailer
08-11-05, 09:06 AM
Guys, grow ur beards, so u can be seen to be muslim if u haven't already... n put those who stare to shame.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 09:20 AM
Guys, grow ur beards, so u can be seen to be muslim if u haven't already... n put those who stare to shame.
a beard helps, but not that much.
Mr_Jailer
08-11-05, 09:31 AM
a beard helps, but not that much.
What 'bout wearin' a thawb?
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 09:39 AM
What 'bout wearin' a thawb?
what about a few sun beds, or fake tan ?
and why go to so much trouble to please racists anyway,
its not the beard or the clothes its because he is european that people stare, and why should he try to hide the fact that he is european.
Salahudin
08-11-05, 10:19 AM
what about a few sun beds, or fake tan ?
and why go to so much trouble to please racists anyway,
its not the beard or the clothes its because he is european that people stare, and why should he try to hide the fact that he is european.
Xcatly!! :up:
jus ignore them and don't let 'what others thing of you' to bother you!
I would advice when this happens - just keep the smile(charity) and pray for them!
yes, believe me it helps, when someone, specially a muslim wrongs you, just send them a dua, it is a win-win deal.
you may say, Ya Allah cleanse their hearts, Ya Allah increase their Imaan, Ya Allah increase their knowledge, Ya Allah guide them to the straight path!
and then say Amiin with a smile! :)
you'll feel much much better!
I believe it was in Red's Short moral stories (http://showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=57891) that I learned - when others give you the gift of insults you either choose to deny it(mail it back to them) or accept them(own it)!
Mr_Jailer
08-11-05, 10:25 AM
He shouldn't hide his ethnicity but no harm in dressin' the sunnah :banbear: .
what about a few sun beds, or fake tan ?
and why go to so much trouble to please racists anyway,
its not the beard or the clothes its because he is european that people stare, and why should he try to hide the fact that he is european.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 11:18 AM
He shouldn't hide his ethnicity but no harm in dressin' the sunnah :banbear: .
unfortunatly by trying to apease asian racists he could end up making himself a target for white racists,
damn racists everywhere at the moment
in_exile
08-11-05, 12:48 PM
sister if they are staring at your husband because he is a white muslim then you should ignore them and their hindu culture and background. Most of these people probably dont pray or fast so who care for their opinions and their judgements, at the end of the day the judgement is only with Allah (swt). Maybe this is his way of rewarding you by testing you through your own. Think about it this way every time you go down the street with your husband you are getting rewarded for educating them about their deen just by showing Islam has no racism in it and also when you leave your probably getting rewarded because of the backbiting :rolleyes:. Just do duah to Allah (swt) and know the akhira is better then this life.
On the other hand if the people have doubts whether your husband is muslim or not then if he has already not he should grow his beard and yes maybe wear sunnah dress to clarify the matter.
.: Anna :.
08-11-05, 01:15 PM
sis thats really sad :(
astaghfirullah these ppl are just ignorant
dont let it bother you.
it DOES help if your husband has a beard, or wears a hat that distinguishes him a bit - i.e. the Afghan hats, or the one men sometimes wear to the mosque.
On some occasions he could wear pakistani/asian/arab clothes, it helps tone down any suspicions people may have and sends a clear signal that he is muslim.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 02:47 PM
Out of interest Serina, are you actualy from Pakistan ? or are you of Pakistani origin ?
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 03:03 PM
dont let it bother you.
it DOES help if your husband has a beard, or wears a hat that distinguishes him a bit - i.e. the Afghan hats, or the one men sometimes wear to the mosque.
On some occasions he could wear pakistani/asian/arab clothes, it helps tone down any suspicions people may have and sends a clear signal that he is muslim.
he could wear arab clothing, but as to wearing asian / pakistani clothing forget it, thats just giving into the racists.
my wife and i were considering moving to an asian muslim area, but in all honesty neither wants to be stared everytime we walk down the street.
we were also considering going up north to west yorkshire where her family are from but i think living in leeds or bradford would be fairly suicidal at the moment.
He should tan himself in a solar salon and after go and change his haircut into something small and curly :).
he could wear arab clothing, but as to wearing asian / pakistani clothing forget it, thats just giving into the racists.
my wife and i were considering moving to an asian muslim area, but in all honesty neither wants to be stared everytime we walk down the street.
we were also considering going up north to west yorkshire where her family are from but i think living in leeds or bradford would be fairly suicidal at the moment.
Well, by not wearing pakistani clothing, what do you achieve? You are letting a bunch of racists to get to you, which i'm sorry to say, is quite narrow minded. Once people know your a sincere practising muslim, many asians are willing to befriend you - and some are happy to hear how you reverted, met, and so on.
I have male white members of family, so speaking from experience, i know that my advice is sincere and would help anyone whose having difficulty. You can't expect someone walking down the street to distinguish you as a muslim if you have no signal or way of showing you are one. People live in tight-knit communities, and to some extent, this is good.
I wear a hijab - but if i were not to, many people would probably not recognise me as a Muslim.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 03:52 PM
Well, by not wearing pakistani clothing, what do you achieve? You are letting a bunch of racists to get to you, which i'm sorry to say, is quite narrow minded. Once people know your a sincere practising muslim, many asians are willing to befriend you - and some are happy to hear how you reverted, met, and so on.
I have male white members of family, so speaking from experience, i know that my advice is sincere and would help anyone whose having difficulty. You can't expect someone walking down the street to distinguish you as a muslim if you have no signal or way of showing you are one. People live in tight-knit communities, and to some extent, this is good.
I wear a hijab - but if i were not to, many people would probably not recognise me as a Muslim.
wear arab clothes and grow a beard sure.
but as to wearing asian / pakistani clothes ?
put it this way, if i lived in an area full of nazis would i start brandishing swastika's just to fit in and to stop them staring at me ?
no definately not.
wear arab clothes and grow a beard sure.
but as to wearing asian / pakistani clothes ?
put it this way, if i lived in an area full of nazis would i start brandishing swastika's just to fit in and to stop them staring at me ?
no definately not.
okay calm down :rolleyes: you can't liken them to nazis. at the end of the day, your wife is pakistani, and her family too presumably.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 04:03 PM
okay calm down :rolleyes: you can't liken them to nazis. at the end of the day, your wife is pakistani, and her family too presumably.
ok perhaps likening them to nazis is a bit strong, my wife is of pakistani origin born in the UK,
telling someone to wear pakistani clothes is like telling a sister to stop wearing a hijab and wear western clothes to fit in better.
ok perhaps likening them to nazis is a bit strong, my wife is of pakistani origin born in the UK,
telling someone to wear pakistani clothes is like telling a sister to stop wearing a hijab and wear western clothes to fit in better.
right, well up to you:)
back to helping serina solve her prob.
Abu Noah
08-11-05, 04:14 PM
There is a lot of racial tension around at the moment, unfortunately those in mixed marriages are liable to get it from both white and asian communities in this country.
Some people seem to be suggesting that white muslims should wear thawb, beard etc yet brown muslims needn't bother.
Personally even though I get a load of grief, I don't see why anyone should have to change the way they dress as as long as it is modest and covers the awrah.
I don't want to give in to the racists, and you can never please the racists as they will always find some objection.
Even on Hajj when my husband was in ihram, we got stared at and dirty looks and there was no doubt he was muslim there!
Abu Noah
09-11-05, 08:12 AM
Some people seem to be suggesting that white muslims should wear thawb, beard etc yet brown muslims needn't bother.
Personally even though I get a load of grief, I don't see why anyone should have to change the way they dress as as long as it is modest and covers the awrah.
I don't want to give in to the racists, and you can never please the racists as they will always find some objection.
Even on Hajj when my husband was in ihram, we got stared at and dirty looks and there was no doubt he was muslim there!
It can be dificult have you just moved to a new area or something or has this been going on for some time ?
Also where you live where are the majority of muslims from ?
india, pakistan etc
For all those people who have suggested changing the way you dress, my question is, why change anything to try to appease a group of people who wont be appeased. Societies is made up of idiots. Its not a surprise or anything, we breed like nothing else so a few a bound to grace this earth.
My suggestion is, as simple as this sounds, is to ignore it. Idiots will always be Idiots. You should try to please your husband and vica versa and let them be.
.: Anna :.
09-11-05, 10:20 AM
I agree they should not have to wear Pakistani clothes just to be treated nicely and properly by other Muslims.
Beard is a good idea, it is sunnah and insha allah the bros shud all try with it. Pakistani clothes are not even sunnah or from the deen it is just culture... being muslim is not synonymous with being a pakistani.
nonmuslim
09-11-05, 02:05 PM
I agree they should not have to wear Pakistani clothes just to be treated nicely and properly by other Muslims.
Beard is a good idea, it is sunnah and insha allah the bros shud all try with it. Pakistani clothes are not even sunnah or from the deen it is just culture... being muslim is not synonymous with being a pakistani.
Unfortunately in many parts of the US being black male and Muslim is synonymous with having been to jail, not to be messed with 'cos the Brothers are toughjer than the Mafia!
Khadijah06
11-11-05, 05:41 PM
I know its hard but dont let it get to you. I am black and my husband is bengali so just imagine the stares that we get!:rolleyes: Just make dua for them people and try to ignore it.
muslim warrior
11-11-05, 06:17 PM
tell me about it, I'm a white convert married to a Pakistani women, we used to only get stared at in asian areas, but lately this has spread to white areas as well,keep a beard and it will remove any suspicions that other people may have, im sure you know wot im talkin about.
by doing dat u will also b followin the sunnah
ummbilal
11-11-05, 06:49 PM
I agree they should not have to wear Pakistani clothes just to be treated nicely and properly by other Muslims.
Beard is a good idea, it is sunnah and insha allah the bros shud all try with it. Pakistani clothes are not even sunnah or from the deen it is just culture... being muslim is not synonymous with being a pakistani.
GOSH MAYBE I SHOULD QUOTE YOU TO THE GIRLS I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH WHO SAID "YOU'RE NOT MUSLIM YOU'RE WHITE" and then asked me to recite the shahada to "[prove it"
aarrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry didnt realise i had caps lock on...
well me and my hubby r white and we get funny looks and comments from non muslims and sometimes muslims, though Allhumdulilah most muslims in my area are very helpful and kind, its the odd few who spoil it.
ummbilal
11-11-05, 06:50 PM
do you know i was at the bus stop the other day chatting to an old lady from the carribean and she asked if i was a jewess??
me in jilbab and hijab!!!
hehe!!
i said no i'm a muslim!
-Espérer-
11-11-05, 08:13 PM
Live your life for yourself and for those you love. People will always be judgemental. Nothing will stop that. But if you give in and actually start bothering about the prejudice veiws of others, then the only person it'll effect is you. You know you're not doing anything wrong and so does Allah. That's all you need. :)
You know if it was the other way they wouldnt get all those stares. If the guy was Pakistani and he was with a white girl the looks would not be as much.
There is alot of psychocultural reasoning behind this, but to make the matter short. Cultures that tend to be very homogenus in nature, meaning mixing and matching only within that community do tend to find it difficult to accept people from outside that cultural group, and religion has little to do with it.
Alot of the time in minorities there are stereo types, images of odd sad stories they have heard, or run away brides etc. "Ah she must have married him to cover their relationship" "his not even a true Muslim, just by name" etc. Hence it is a catch 22, it will take many years before the ice breakers realise that they have to accept new ways. But until then they might just have mentally placed you as the black sheep of the family going against your parents consent, "che chee her parents must be hurting", thats the type of thought they have in their heads when they see you.
What you will also have to accept sister, that all cross cultural relationships are challenging and this is unfortunately one of the challenges.
On a good note, you might be like an example for them, ah what a nice couple Mashallah, we need more of this to break the barrier?
syedtaha
12-11-05, 12:05 PM
Assalam Alaikum
Dear brothers and sisters
I am a Pakistani Muslim woman who has married a white convert. But people are making my life a misery with the constant judgmental looks and comments. Some people won't talk to us, this is fellow muslims. We have been shouted at in the street, I have been laughed at.
Subhanallah, I don't understand what the problem is. We married with my parents consent, we have performed Hajj together but all people can see is that he is white and I am asian and I must be a bad woman. It seems to me people are very judgemental of me because I wear hijab and I am with a white man.
It is constant stares from people that I can't stand. I am a very private person and hate attention. I dress modestly, hijab and jilbab, when I am on my own people are friendly, when they see me with my husband then they become judgemental.
Allah gave a muslim woman the freedom to marry any man as long as he is muslim so I don't understand why I get all this hassle.
Asalam Alaikum dear sister. First of all, congratulations on your marriage. Most of humanity is trapped under the burden of culture and unfortunately that includes Muslims too. Us Muslims have forgotten the teachings of Islam altogehter. So what if the man you married is white? As long as he is Muslim and well mannered, thats all there is to it. Muslims must remember that what is allowed by Allah and Rasool Allah (saw) cannot be made haram by them and if they detest what you have done, then they are going to answer a very heavy question on the Last Day. May Allah bless your marriage and bless you with Salih offsprings, Ameen. May Allah bless your husband and help him towards Islam and help you as well, Ameen.
I tell you how mentally backwards we Muslims have become. My maternal uncle expired leaving behind a 5 year old son. The child's own mother expired a year back and after her death,my uncle married again for the sake of that child. The child's step mother turned out to be an excellent Muslimah and till date, she is taking a good care of this child (who happens to be my cousin). She is 44 years old.
Seeing this situation, I proposed her (I am 32), and that too for the sake of this child, because the child knows me and loves me most after his departed father, and I too love him as a son. Luckily I have been granted his guardianship legally, with the wilful consent of his step mother.
Now my own family members, my friends, my relatives etc are giving me and her undue tensions and trying to make us go through hell, just because she had been a wife to my late maternal uncle and that she is 12 years elder to me? She has accepted my proposal but is fed up with constant verbal harassment she has to face because of my proposal and people are unfortunately saying such things, which fall under the Islamic rule of BUHTAAN (If you know what I mean).
We are still not married yet and I have made my decision. For the sake of this child, I am going to marry his step mother and nobody else. Please dear sister, pray for me. You are talking about being harassed by marrying a white guy, and here is a case of Muslim Pakistani guy trying to wed a Muslimah Pakistani and being constantly harassed and taunted severly, mostly by my own immediate family members.
So much for Islam in Pakistan.
Supernova Nebula
12-11-05, 12:13 PM
Asalam Alaikum dear sister. First of all, congratulations on your marriage. Most of humanity is trapped under the burden of culture and unfortunately that includes Muslims too. Us Muslims have forgotten the teachings of Islam altogehter. So what if the man you married is white? As long as he is Muslim and well mannered, thats all there is to it. Muslims must remember that what is allowed by Allah and Rasool Allah (saw) cannot be made haram by them and if they detest what you have done, then they are going to answer a very heavy question on the Last Day. May Allah bless your marriage and bless you with Salih offsprings, Ameen. May Allah bless your husband and help him towards Islam and help you as well, Ameen.
I tell you how mentally backwards we Muslims have become. My maternal uncle expired leaving behind a 5 year old son. The child's own mother expired a year back and after her death,my uncle married again for the sake of that child. The child's step mother turned out to be an excellent Muslimah and till date, she is taking a good care of this child (who happens to be my cousin). She is 44 years old.
Seeing this situation, I proposed her (I am 32), and that too for the sake of this child, because the child knows me and loves me most after his departed father, and I too love him as a son. Luckily I have been granted his guardianship legally, with the wilful consent of his step mother.
Now my own family members, my friends, my relatives etc are giving me and her undue tensions and trying to make us go through hell, just because she had been a wife to my late maternal uncle and that she is 12 years elder to me? She has accepted my proposal but is fed up with constant verbal harassment she has to face because of my proposal and people are unfortunately saying such things, which fall under the Islamic rule of BUHTAAN (If you know what I mean).
We are still not married yet and I have made my decision. For the sake of this child, I am going to marry his step mother and nobody else. Please dear sister, pray for me. You are talking about being harassed by marrying a white guy, and here is a case of Muslim Pakistani guy trying to wed a Muslimah Pakistani and being constantly harassed and taunted severly, mostly by my own immediate family members.
So much for Islam in Pakistan.
MashaAllah. Men like you hard to find bro. May Allah make things easy for you. Amin.
DESTINY
13-11-05, 05:29 PM
Assalam Alaikum
Dear brothers and sisters
I am a Pakistani Muslim woman who has married a white convert. But people are making my life a misery with the constant judgmental looks and comments. Some people won't talk to us, this is fellow muslims. We have been shouted at in the street, I have been laughed at.
Subhanallah, I don't understand what the problem is. We married with my parents consent, we have performed Hajj together but all people can see is that he is white and I am asian and I must be a bad woman. It seems to me people are very judgemental of me because I wear hijab and I am with a white man.
It is constant stares from people that I can't stand. I am a very private person and hate attention. I dress modestly, hijab and jilbab, when I am on my own people are friendly, when they see me with my husband then they become judgemental.
Allah gave a muslim woman the freedom to marry any man as long as he is muslim so I don't understand why I get all this hassle.
THIS IS MY FIRST POST IN THIS SITE, AND WANT TO SAY ITS A DISGRACE HOW YOUR BEING TREATED BY MUSLIMS AND NON MUSLIMS ALIKE. THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH YOU OR WHAT YOU DO, BUT IN THE MINDS OF OTHERS. I HOPE YOU MEET PEOPLE WITH MORE OPEN MINDS AND HEARTS BE THEY MUSLIM OR NON MUSLIM.
jannah1978
13-11-05, 08:00 PM
We are still not married yet and I have made my decision. For the sake of this child, I am going to marry his step mother and nobody else. Please dear sister, pray for me. You are talking about being harassed by marrying a white guy, and here is a case of Muslim Pakistani guy trying to wed a Muslimah Pakistani and being constantly harassed and taunted severly, mostly by my own immediate family members.
May Allah bless your marriage and fill your hearts with love. InshAllah both of you will enter Jannah.
Would you like to be in the eternal Jannah with our beloved Prophet and the best of creation, sallallaahu`alaihiwasallam?
"I and the caretaker of the orphan will enter Paradise together like this, raising (by way of illustration) his forefinger and middle finger jointly, leaving no space in between." [Saheeh al-Bukhaari]
muslim_sis
13-11-05, 08:25 PM
Some people seem to be suggesting that white muslims should wear thawb, beard etc yet brown muslims needn't bother.
Personally even though I get a load of grief, I don't see why anyone should have to change the way they dress as as long as it is modest and covers the awrah.
I don't want to give in to the racists, and you can never please the racists as they will always find some objection.
Even on Hajj when my husband was in ihram, we got stared at and dirty looks and there was no doubt he was muslim there!
subhanallah , a place where all races ,nations etc are - where we should feel da brotherhood . i would never have thought that!! :(
...and yeh , i hate it when people see u in a hijaab and jilbaab and ask , are u a muslim ... once i got so annoyed and i said to them '' no actually im a nun'' and i asked are u a muslim ... it was one of those men on the scaffolding , lol and he goes 'nah mate nah mate , does it look like it'' ... lol and i thort they just so stupid , cudnt be bothered to waste my time wid dem subhanallah!
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