The Purpose Of Marriage

[toxic]

The purpose of marriage is not pleasure; rather, it is to establish a family, and to ensure the continuation of the nation of Mohammed (saw- may the peace & blessings of Allah be upon him).

Marriage will also save the individual from scattered feelings and thoughts, and will enable them to control desires in a Halal (permissable) way.
We should not marry a person because of their wealth, or physical beauty; rather, we should marry someone for their piety, spiritual beauty, honor, morality, and good character.

If a couple wants t divorce, the most intelligent criteria are of no use to those who did not get married for the right reasons. The important thing is not to escape from the fire in the home with the least harm, but to prevent a fire from ever starting there.

Mariages based on Islam are built upon piety and the fear of Allah. These marriages are so sacred that, throughout a lifetime, they function just like a school, and their "students" guarantee the nation's continuation. As well a nearness to Allah and the attainment of Jannah (Paradise), Inshallah (by the will of Allah).

When a person is chosen as a marriage partner on the grounds of external beauty, wealth and or status, instead of islam. You will find that most of these marriages lack the blessings of Allah. The ever growing number of divorces have left behind crying wives, husbands and children. As a result, the break down of the marriage also affects other family members causing them to feel pain.

Nations are based on homes and individuals. If homes are good, the nation is good; if homes are bad, the nation is bad. If only those who want the best for the nation would first work to reform the homes!

The word home is used according to the people in it. They are considered happy to the degree that they share human values.

A home is a small nation, and a nation is a large home.

A disorderly house means that its people are unhappy.

What is right is beautiful in character, and the one who is right is sweet. Even if the right falls into the mud, it remains pure and upright. Even if the unjust is washed with musk, it remains impure and disgusting.

Color and shape may change, but essence does not. Name and title may change, but character does not. Such changes have, and continue to, fool many people.

Those who oppresses the weak are defeated even if they are the victors; those who are right are victorious even if they are the losers.

[sunrise]

As salam ou lkaoum

Jaza kAllah ou kolli kahyr

A good reminger for us all!
InshALlah when it comes to us picking a spouse we dont base our choices on Materialistic elements that will son fade away as wil the marriage

Ma'salama

Sunrise

[abdusamad]

Straight forward and to the point.

:up:


jazakuAllah khair, something to bare i mind.

[Aseer]

Any suggestions as to how to find a decent wife??

[LiveIslam]

a women who has a lot of love for allah, because then you will know she will follow the rules of allah

[Aseer]

yeah but how do i find her?

[toxic]

A lecture by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings. The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."

[toxic]

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. [Barnett Brickner]

[muslim_sis]

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. [Barnett Brickner]
subhanallah :love: :up:

[muslim_sis]

just wanted to share something new i learned ,the prophet dreamt aisha (ra) before he married her ....
Narrated cAishah, may God be pleased with her: The Messenger of God(P) said (to me): "You have been shown to me twice in (my) dreams. A man was carrying you in a silken cloth and said to me, 'This is your wife.' I uncovered it; and behold, it was you. I said to myself, 'If this dream is from God, He will cause it to come true."
:love:

[toxic]

"The word "shams" (sun) is feminine, and "qamar" (moon) is masculine. The sun burns itself out to give light and life to everything around, and the moon is muneer, meaning it reflects the light. Within itself it has no light; it radiates the brilliance of the sun. So when we shine as men, the implication is that we are reflecting the glorious light of our women. May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with them."- Shaykh Abdullah Adhami

[Hayaa]

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. (Bukhari: Book #62, Hadith #27)

----
excellent posts Toxic, jazakaAllah khair :up:

[toxic]

To Find Someone

Somebody once told me that "Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong...It is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there... you'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you...and don't rush things... coz somewhere somehow Allah Almighty is preparing somebody for you."

You can never be perfect...the person you love can never be perfect...but both of you can be perfect through love and prayers, and your love can be perfect through the both of you. But, no relationship is complete without Allah Almighty... That’s why we have marriage... It’s a bond not only between you and your loved one.... but also with Allah Almighty.

Our relationships fail not because (s) he’s not the right person.... it's because we expected too much and we decided on our own.... let Allah do the work...you may call it waiting time.... but while you are waiting... pray. Let Allah guide you always...He knows better. No, He knows best.

Love is not what you think it is.... Sometimes we mistakenly feel that our first relationship will be our last. Because we are overwhelmed with joy and romance, we forget to learn the meaning of true love. Some are saying that love is unselfish, blind, and unconditional or simply denying oneself for the sake of someone very important in our life. Others are saying love is immortal and can never be defined. When we think we're in love the first
thing we almost wanted the whole world to know is that our love for someone very special can never be taken away from us.

We say this phrase "You are the most wonderful gift from Allah I have ever received...” After a terrible fight or sometimes even a petty quarrel we then say, "You are the biggest mistake I’ve ever made for my entire life...!". Now, how do you say and spell the word L-O-V-E? Are you really deeply into it?

Nobody can tell what love really is until experience speaks and whispers right into our ears. Most of the time, these love promises like "Forever, Till Death do us apart, etc. "would end up "Never" and "We should part ways, I’m no longer happy with you! My love for you is DEAD!!!" Many times we thought after having committed to someone and your trust to one another freezes down to zero degree "S/He is not the right one. I should probably wait for the right one to come." But the big question anyone could not answer is "Is she/he the right one?" And "When is the right time?"

That made us stick to whom we are with. Will you always be waiting for the right person to come and the right time to commit? A big YES is the answer. Don’t be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship. You're right, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don’t give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made. If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much-needed attention.

Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself. More frequently than not, we all act in a hypocritical manner for some reason. We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, its just pity. We call it love when we’re too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood; it’s just that we're too much dependent to them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, its just insecurity. But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn’t something you can buy nor beg. It is real and existing. You can’t touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven.

Qur'an emphasizes that the special unity between the spouses is one of the great signs of Allah (S.W.T.) and a blessing from his great blessings.

Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ar-room, (Verse 21), what can be translated as, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect."

Imam Ash-shawkaani, in interpreting this verse, clarifies the nature of this special relationship between the two spouses. He says, ". That you may find rest in them." means to feel comfortable with and be attracted to. One cannot feel comfortable but with the other and does not get attracted to anyone but to the other. “. And He has put between you mawadah and rahmah." Means deep love and mercy because of marriage so that one will feel sympathetic with the other without any previous knowing of each other, or love or mercy between you; indeed a great sign from Allah!

[SoulAsylum]

Good post..........Jazakallah :)

[K@M]

:jkk: for all the posts :)

[toxic]

Marriage


What is Marriage but a bond between two souls
To help each other through this test
There for the tiptoes and falls
Loving and carring like each others guest

What is marriage but a shield
Against the fitna’s ordeal
Allah’s protection does it yield.
Let’s make each other a pious deal

What is marriage but Allah’s Gift.
Many make it seem like a dud
When Sahih Bukhari’s Pages you shift
See you will love of Prophet (PBUH) and Ayesha (RAA), Bud

What is marriage but Sadaqah.
Making a place in Janat-ul-Firdaus
Giving and forgiving for the sake of Allah
Raising Allah’s Bounty, Mo’Minin and Mo’ minaas

One, two, three or four,
Brothers & Sisters, Ask for it at Allah’s Door.

[toxic]

Carry me in your Arms

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ” you are not a man!”

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

Courtesy: AL-ISLAAH PUBLICATIONS