2 nd wife

[rukayya1424]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

:hidban:
al'hamdulillah, i am muslima for 5 years, i was 18 when i converted, now i am 23 and al'hamdulillah, i am happily married for 2 and half years.
yesterday my husband said to me that he wants to marry a new wife, inshaAllah, but not in near future because we live in germany and its not easy in the west.
now i want to know if anyone has experiences with 2 nd wife? living in the west?
i am not against it. i said if he wants he can...

ashadu allah ilaha illa la wa ashadu anna muhammad rasul allah (saw.)

may allah bless all muslims, make their deen strong.

wa'salam

[AbuSadiq]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

:hidban:
al'hamdulillah, i am muslima for 5 years, i was 18 when i converted, now i am 23 and al'hamdulillah, i am happily married for 2 and half years.
yesterday my husband said to me that he wants to marry a new wife, inshaAllah, but not in near future because we live in germany and its not easy in the west.
now i want to know if anyone has experiences with 2 nd wife? living in the west?
i am not against it. i said if he wants he can...

ashadu allah ilaha illa la wa ashadu anna muhammad rasul allah (saw.)

may allah bless all muslims, make their deen strong.

wa'salam

I cherish your courage, Ukhtee. I pray your husband engage a very responsible partner for you.

Khair....:up:

[abdusamad]

Whats his intention for marrying a second one?



hope he knows the amount of responsibility he is importing with a second wife.

[AbuSadiq]

Whats his intention for marrying a second one?



hope he knows the amount of responsibility he is importing with a second wife.

The respected wife should educate him more, should he not be aware about such stuff. However, am sure he is a aware, because getting into the "temptations" of having second wife is not a small man's (in terms of taqwa) concern, especially these days where the popular trend is monogamy.

[mara]

You are very calm which its a good sign :).
You should think only at your feelings, what would means to know your husband with another one.Can you accept this?:embar:

[abdusamad]

You are very calm which its a good sign :).
You should think only at your feelings, what would means to know your husband with another one.Can you accept this?:embar: Don't try to live a life which its not good for you at all.


Absolutly it is best to resolve everything before it is too late. So to be a little selfish it is not bad at all.

[Su'ad]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

:hidban:
al'hamdulillah, i am muslima for 5 years, i was 18 when i converted, now i am 23 and al'hamdulillah, i am happily married for 2 and half years.
yesterday my husband said to me that he wants to marry a new wife, inshaAllah, but not in near future because we live in germany and its not easy in the west.
now i want to know if anyone has experiences with 2 nd wife? living in the west?
i am not against it. i said if he wants he can...

ashadu allah ilaha illa la wa ashadu anna muhammad rasul allah (saw.)

may allah bless all muslims, make their deen strong.

wa'salam

Walaikum asalaam Uhkti, gosh i have to admire your patience and subr, i would never be able to accept my husband wanting another partner. But then you havent said why he wants to.

Im in awe at your resilience. Alhumdulillah.

[.: Anna :.]

wa alaykum salaam

i think if u join an nisaa forum some of the sisters there hav experience in this matter :)

[rukayya1424]

salam sis,

do you have adresses of nisaa forums?
are you from the uk?
yeah, i would agree when he wants to marry a second wife, because he has reason to understand. from my birth i have several ilnesses, al'hamdulillah allah ta ala guided me to islam and gave me such a :love: husband. i mean it is not sure if i can have children... i do not really know. my husband is fear that i am too weak for preagnance because of my health but allah knows. his mother said that i am one of her daughters now. :)

wa'salam

[.: Anna :.]

www.an-nisaa.org :)
yeah I'm in London.

[jannah1978]

salam sis,

his mother said that i am one of her daughters now. :)

wa'salam

Ahhhhhh mashallah thats so lovely where is she from orignally?

[Supernova Nebula]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

:hidban:
al'hamdulillah, i am muslima for 5 years, i was 18 when i converted, now i am 23 and al'hamdulillah, i am happily married for 2 and half years.
yesterday my husband said to me that he wants to marry a new wife, inshaAllah, but not in near future because we live in germany and its not easy in the west.
now i want to know if anyone has experiences with 2 nd wife? living in the west?
i am not against it. i said if he wants he can...

ashadu allah ilaha illa la wa ashadu anna muhammad rasul allah (saw.)

may allah bless all muslims, make their deen strong.

wa'salam

MashaAllah, I really admire you sister. Strong iman mashaAllah. If i were you, i would have gone ballistic maybe :embar:

[in_exile]

assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

mashallah sister i pray yours is an example for the rest of the sisters (ameen)

[Aasiya]

Well, this is interesting. I myself was brought up in the shade of two mothers, and I will still say that it is the best thing for children security-wise.

When my own mom was too busy for me, I could always go to the other who has her own house (she has no children so she was always free!) if I ever needed any help and that put less of a burden on everyone. It was good fun, too.

We would go on holidays everywhere together. I had two houses I would go sleep at, and I had fun having sleepovers at the weekends. If we ran out of milk, we could always go over to our second house and find some there.

Once I bought a few cockatiels and a fish tank and I wanted a kitten, but I couldn't get one because cats usually eat birds. So instead, my second mom agreed to buy me a kitten and have it at her house. So that worked out fine.

It's really great that your husband has actually told you in advance that he is thinking of getting another wife. I know some men who will steam-roll ahead without even giving a damn who gets hurt.

You have a good husband too, he knows you are sick and that you might never have any kids. . . but he is still willing to look after you, and that shows he loves you. :)

[Guardian Hijab]

MashaAllah, I really admire you sister. Strong iman mashaAllah. If i were you, i would have gone ballistic maybe :embar:
Asalamualaikum

lol i'd go beyond ballistic, like atomic bomb kaboom

Wa'alaikumasalam

[Aasiya]

By the way, since I live in Europe, the law here does not recognize polygyny and will usually just define the second wife as a 'mistress'. That's one of the reasons why my Dad had to have a house for each wife.

So that's another thing: a separate living arrangement for each wife would be better suited in the West.

[rukayya1424]

assalamu alaikum,

yeah his mother lives in marocco, casablanca, she stayed at our house for 3 months... even i do not speak arabic. inshaAllah i am going to fly next year.

wa'salam

[forskeNed Life]

:salams

:insha: may Allah make things easy for you.

:wswrwb:

Nomie

[Niqaabi]

wa alaikum was salaam
mashaAllah thats great to hear your so agreeable to him wanting a second wife :D.
May Allah reward you both :)

[JustBinPraised]

Mashallah sister! I wish there were more sisters like you. Insha Allah, one day I intend to have two wives. I need to find the first wife first :) However, my intension is to have two if I am able to financially support both. I think when I go around looking for my first wife this will be one question I will ask of her. I think unfortunately, many sisters have a very western mentality to marriage and having a second wife or third has become a very taboo issue. I guess this is one of the flaws to living in a western country. Anyway, I hope things work out for you sister!

[Mujaheedah]

assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

mashallah sister i pray yours is an example for the rest of the sisters (ameen)

ameen

[Mujaheedah]

what I mean is that I pray that the muslim sisters everywhere whos husbands have a second wife are given more patience Inshaallah, because personally i have no clue what i'd do, i guess I'd have to wait and see when i get married but Alhamdulillah sister patience is a virtue and mashaallah you are being given alot of ajr right now. May Allah reward you and give you even more sabr.

[Billie]

Mashallah sister! I wish there were more sisters like you. Insha Allah, one day I intend to have two wives. I need to find the first wife first :) However, my intension is to have two if I am able to financially support both. I think when I go around looking for my first wife this will be one question I will ask of her. I think unfortunately, many sisters have a very western mentality to marriage and having a second wife or third has become a very taboo issue. I guess this is one of the flaws to living in a western country. Anyway, I hope things work out for you sister!

:salams

can i ask why you're planning to have 2 wives? :)

:wswrwb:

[_NOra_*Sanfora*]

i would never let my future husband have a 2nd wife :torture:

[peace2u]

never say never sis:) everything is the will of Allah (swt)



Peace

[in_exile]

sis most women cant stand their husbands to have second wives because they suffer from low self esteem and do not have a good solid relationship either with their husband or with their creator if they did then they would not take the attitude of I would divorce him or how could you do it.... Sis I think most sisters here are jelous of you which you should take as a compliment mashallah

[abdusamad]

Now a days specially here in the west it is tough having one, why get a second. Its a suicide mission really.

[Billie]

salam sis,

do you have adresses of nisaa forums?
are you from the uk?
yeah, i would agree when he wants to marry a second wife, because he has reason to understand. from my birth i have several ilnesses, al'hamdulillah allah ta ala guided me to islam and gave me such a :love: husband. i mean it is not sure if i can have children... i do not really know. my husband is fear that i am too weak for preagnance because of my health but allah knows. his mother said that i am one of her daughters now. :)

wa'salam

Aslam-ulaikum sister

I really admire your courage and patience being in the situation you are in. May Allah give you peace, and i pray that He shows you the joys of motherhood.

Walekumaslam

p.s. I would go totally mad if my hubby even suggested such a thing, but i know he won't. :rolleyes:

[peace2u]

sis most women cant stand their husbands to have second wives because they suffer from low self esteem and do not have a good solid relationship either with their husband or with their creator if they did then they would not take the attitude of I would divorce him or how could you do it.... Sis I think most sisters here are jelous of you which you should take as a compliment mashallah

hmm, I don't think it's jealousy that the sisters have towards her akhi, in fact, I think she stands as a role model for them. They are just expressing their own feelings toward this issue. However I think sisters who oppose polygamy should not advise sisters who are open-minded because they might change her way of thinking or influence her in a bad way. It is halaal and while yes in many cases not done properly, we should still accept it's permissibility.


Peace

[Yusuf!]

two wives = twice the nagging!


aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[Bent_al-islam]

:wswrwb:
:masha: sister u seem to be calm alright .i admire that from u
i come from a family of where my dad has 4 wive brother and cousens also have more then one wive..u see its the way ur hubby will treat u after words.and how is that is from the way u treat him and his wife let me tell u this...i had a close someone who got maried on his wife and when ppl would ask him (why are u gonnna get maried look at ur wife she is pretty,nice,she was there for u,she respecet u and ur family what are u gonna go look for.????he would replay i want to (etmam al sunna with a second wife.anyways the wife#1 would also say...>>he is free to do what he wants to do if he is gonna have a happy life marring a second wife i have no prob...days came and went and he got maried the second wife came into the family what the first wife did was (she use to treat her like a sister )that the other one didn't do the same all this was happining infront of the husbends eyes days came and went ..the first wife asked for a nicklace the second one asked for the same he went and bought the 1st one but not the second she got so mad (and she said thats it i cant take this no more i am outtta here what is all this love he is giving her why not me..we all know why right:up: ............
so even if ur husbend gets maried its ok as long as u stay calm and treat him with more respect and love:love: you will always be no.1

[abdusamad]

two wives = twice the nagging!


aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!



Thas rude!

[cheeky]

:wswrwb:
:masha: sister u seem to be calm alright .i admire that from u
i come from a family of where my dad has 4 wive brother and cousens also have more then one wive..u see its the way ur hubby will treat u after words.and how is that is from the way u treat him and his wife let me tell u this...i had a close someone who got maried on his wife and when ppl would ask him (why are u gonnna get maried look at ur wife she is pretty,nice,she was there for u,she respecet u and ur family what are u gonna go look for.????he would replay i want to (etmam al sunna with a second wife.anyways the wife#1 would also say...>>he is free to do what he wants to do if he is gonna have a happy life marring a second wife i have no prob...days came and went and he got maried the second wife came into the family what the first wife did was (she use to treat her like a sister )that the other one didn't do the same all this was happining infront of the husbends eyes days came and went ..the first wife asked for a nicklace the second one asked for the same he went and bought the 1st one but not the second she got so mad (and she said thats it i cant take this no more i am outtta here what is all this love he is giving her why not me..we all know why right:up: ............
so even if ur husbend gets maried its ok as long as u stay calm and treat him with more respect and love:love: you will always be no.1

Really?..u never told me that...mashallah.

[Yusuf!]

Thas rude!

t'was only a joke bro!

[ur_yusra]

I am just soo fed up with this whole second wife thing.. I give up..

I think every man should have a second wife.. end of..

[ummbilal]

salaam alakum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

Mashallah you have a loving husband who thinks of your feelings Allhumdulilah, inshaallah you will both be very happy together, when he does take another wife inshaallah i hope you get to share in the wonder of motherhood inshaallah.

I would encourage my husband to take a second wife if thats what he wanted, if i'm totally honest i may feel a little jealous at first and maybe on the sisters turn with him, but mashallah its his right as a muslim man, who am i to go against what Allah has given permission for??


sisters who say NEVER!!

mashallah why??

Allah has said men may marry up to 4 women.

If your husband is a good pious man why would you want to be selfish and not allow other sisters to benefit from hs kindness and knowlage?

I noticed brothers ask why does he want a second wife??

why not?
mashallah
why not?

inshaallah Allah will reward you for your patience sister and with many children to love whether born from you or not.

fi ammanillah
your sis in islam

oh and should say my dads moroccan, from oujda!

[Al-Nasser]

this sister is brave :up:

there is stroies from the arab world about Muslim women not just approving their husbands decisions to have 2nd wife but also looking for a suitable wives for their husbands....because you know she will be your husband's wife and your friend in the same time

[ummbilal]

this sister is brave :up:

there is stroies from the arab world about Muslim women not just approving their husbands decisions to have 2nd wife but also looking for a suitable wives for their husbands....because you know she will be your husband's wife and your friend in the same time


yep indeed it happens,

my parents are divorced and my mother was asked to e a co wife by her friend, but she declined,

[Arsalan]

this sister is brave :up:

there is stroies from the arab world about Muslim women not just approving their husbands decisions to have 2nd wife but also looking for a suitable wives for their husbands....because you know she will be your husband's wife and your friend in the same time

Apart from religious permissability and guidance on the matter of polygomy.

Yeh in Arabia is still "ok" and not against cultural norms. Even in pakistan in rural communities or rich upper middle classes it does happen. But i am surprised that the sister above is so accepting of it, given that i thought British or Pan-european women would be very much against it because of the culture they have been brought up in is strickly speaking only accepting of monogomy.


May ALlah give her patience and may Allah give her all that is good , and prevent all that is not good for her. Ameen.

[ummbilal]

western society does condition people into one partner way of thought, but how many men have mistresses?

the sister who statred the thread is unwell and may never have children, in western society she would live without children to help bring up,

Allhumdulilah Islam is so perfect and beautiful it gives her the chance to experience this by sharing her husband, a small price to pay dont u think??

there are many reasons for pologomy most of the good reasons mashallah.

[Arsalan]

western society does condition people into one partner way of thought, but how many men have mistresses?

the sister who statred the thread is unwell and may never have children, in western society she would live without children to help bring up,

Allhumdulilah Islam is so perfect and beautiful it gives her the chance to experience this by sharing her husband, a small price to pay dont u think??

there are many reasons for pologomy most of the good reasons mashallah.

All good points sis. Having mistresses has done more damage to western family life then polygomy ever would. ( of course , Allah legislates what is Best for us !! ) Anyhow one prime reason for allowing polygomous marriage from a wider perspective isto maintain the idea of responsibility and respect the male member should have for a woman, financially, emotioanlly and religiously .. hence if the situations permits formal marriages contract as sacred as it is in Islam is the way of doing it. Although nowadays, as irreligious many people are they are negligent of the massive burden of responsibility and the need to treat 2 wives equally etc...etc.. so its not always a good idea for some people.

[TinyTerror]

Assalamualaikum

Though it is every woman's right to refuse her husband this right
( Right of a wife: To refuse to move, travel, or be a co-wife if previously stipulated before marriage ~ http://muttaqun.com/marriage.html )
i would like to say Mashallah sister. May Allah give us all the taqwa to overcome our jealousy and accept his covenant with such grace. Especially if a husband should show such desire only for the sake of Allah! There are many of our sisters who are poor, widowed, estranged (i.e due to war) who could benefit immensely from this. :)

"None of you is a perfect Muslim until he desires for his brother Muslim that which he desires for himself."
Reported by Anas Bin Malik and recorded by Imam Bukhari and Muslim.

(This Hadith not only applies to the husband in this case but also the sister who may be in need of support/husband)

However, saying this brothers should also remember the guidelines laid within the Noble Qur'an and the sunnah of our beloved prophet sallallahu Alayhi wasallam.

Wa Alaikumassalam

[Siddiqa]

The appropriate term to use is *polygyny*, not polygamy.

po·lyg·a·my (phttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gif-lhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ibreve.gifghttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/prime.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gif-mhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gif)
n.
The condition or practice of having more than one spouse at one time. Also called plural marriage.
Zoology. A mating pattern in which a single individual mates with more than one individual of the opposite sex.
po·lyg·y·ny (phttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gif-lhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ibreve.gifjhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/prime.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gif-nhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gif)
n.
The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.
Zoology. A mating pattern in which a male mates with more than one female in a single breeding season.

As for stipulations made for marraige. I do recall reading that it is permitted to make a stipulation etc as Tinyterror mentioned and yes, on about the same site and some other. But, I did later come across... I am not sure if it was a fatwa or an explanation, of how a woman cannot make stipulations for nikah. She is not permitted to... which makes more sense.

A man is permitted by Allah to practise polygyny... and he does not need his wife permission to begin with. Allah's permittance takes precedence over any other law. He can marry another woman without informing his present wife. Still, most men do prefer to tell the first wife, for reasons of socio-politics that may/will arise as a result of such an arrangement.

When Rasullallah (saws) chose to marry a muslimah, neither did he (saws) ask nor seek any form of acceptance from his wives. And he (saws) is the best of examples to all of mankind.

[tar]

If the husband's desire for a second wife is due to wanting children - then why not adopt?

[peace2u]

because Islamically they are not his children. Men who marry second wives for children are wanting their own children.



Peace

[song_in_wind05]

I would agree to 2nd wife, if in different houses,,as being a widow..its not easy to find good muslim, but i would agree,to be part of a family unit, and have the rest of my life protected by marriage,inshaAllah..in fact, as single muslimah, this sounds wonderful to me,as I miss married life,,and is half of our Deen,,,:)

[in_exile]

the arguement that is used by a lot of feminist sisters and a lot of modern brothers in relation to why men should not get married twice is that in this day and age men cannot treat their wives equally, well these same men who cannot treat two wifes equally cannot treat one wife well, so should we say that these same people should be banned from marrying full stop. Argue and debate all you want but Islam has been revealed for all time until yaumal qiyamah. Polygany is part and parcel of that no matter how so called modern you want to make yourself.

Astaghfirullah some sisters would prefer divorce seperating their families even if they have children over being a co-wife, sign of how jahil these times are.

[ur_yusra]

the arguement that is used by a lot of feminist sisters and a lot of modern brothers in relation to why men should not get married twice is that in this day and age men cannot treat their wives equally, well these same men who cannot treat two wifes equally cannot treat one wife well, so should we say that these same people should be banned from marrying full stop. Argue and debate all you want but Islam has been revealed for all time until yaumal qiyamah. Polygany is part and parcel of that no matter how so called modern you want to make yourself.

Astaghfirullah some sisters would prefer divorce seperating their families even if they have children over being a co-wife, sign of how jahil these times are.

what ur saying there is a load of garbage, there is alot of difference between having one wife and having two wives. A man who is good with one wife may not necessarily be able to fulfil the rights of two. Also a man should realise the immense responsiblity of having more then one wife. The sahabas (ra) could do it because they had a level of piety which cannot be matched by the men of today. There is not a single polygamous marriage that I have seen where the husband has been able to treat both wives equally. The marriages have ended up failing with both women unhappy. Great justice that is.

And how does the man realistically aim to distribute his money, clothes, food and attention COMPLETELY EQUALLY (as islamically required) without a penny here or there, where without realising he may end up sinning and earning Allah(swt)'s anger.. theres something to think about..

Rather, in a society where many brothers struggle to have successful marriages with just one wife, an intelligent brother seriously considers and realises that he should appreciate and focus his attention and energy on building a successful islamic home with one woman. In fulfilling such a deed he should know that he is attaining Allah (swt)'s pleasure and immense reward..

'dealing justly with each wife' may appear to be a condition easily fulfilled for naive brothers, I can guarantee it is not one that brothers today can..

[islaha]

i usd fink diferently bout dis co-wives topic. but now i wudnt mind bein a 2nd 3rd 4th wife. i jus dun care, cos dunya is short ya get me. and Allahs plesure is da most importnt fing. but da Q is wich man is upto iT!!!?

[in_exile]

what ur saying there is a load of garbage, there is alot of difference between having one wife and having two wives. A man who is good with one wife may not necessarily be able to fulfil the rights of two. Also a man should realise the immense responsiblity of having more then one wife. The sahabas (ra) could do it because they had a level of piety which cannot be matched by the men of today. There is not a single polygamous marriage that I have seen where the husband has been able to treat both wives equally. The marriages have ended up failing with both women unhappy. Great justice that is.

And how does the man realistically aim to distribute his money, clothes, food and attention COMPLETELY EQUALLY (as islamically required) without a penny here or there, where without realising he may end up sinning and earning Allah(swt)'s anger.. theres something to think about..

Rather, in a society where many brothers struggle to have successful marriages with just one wife, an intelligent brother seriously considers and realises that he should appreciate and focus his attention and energy on building a successful islamic home with one woman. In fulfilling such a deed he should know that he is attaining Allah (swt)'s pleasure and immense reward..

'dealing justly with each wife' may appear to be a condition easily fulfilled for naive brothers, I can guarantee it is not one that brothers today can..

ok so to apply your stupid logic, the sahaba were very pious so they could keep two wives, the people of today are not as pious so they cant keep two wives, so these same brothers who are not as pious as the sahaba obviously have a problem lowering their gaze because obviously theyre not as pious as the sahaba so then theyre not pious enough to have second wives and theyre not pious enough to lower their gaze then what should they do perhaps take mistresses instead seeing as they are not all the pious anyway :rolleyes:

you can guarantee that the condition is one not any brother can fulfill, subhanallah you must have knowledge of the unseen or perhaps you think that you know something that Allah (swt) didnt know when he revealed the quran to the prophet (Saw), perhaps the ayah should have been , today i have completed my favour upon you apart from the ayah of marrying twice which will be changed by ur_yusrah because people will not be pious enough to marry twice.

Seriously their is one thing joking or like saying I wouldnt like to be second wife or my husband to have a second wife their is another thing saying its not viable today and trying to forbid it, so many of the ulema and mujahideen have multiple wives, are they all sinners because they cant fulfill their duties to their wives. You need to check where your iman and your priority lies, as Allah (Swt) says nay they cannot believe until they make you (muhammed) a judge in all their affairs. Dont try to change the deen because of your jealousy and because of ignorance to the rest of the world. What you in uk think is not the same for the rest of the world. Apart from the sub continent seccond marriage is very commong but i guess theyre all doing sin aswell.

[Hekmaa]

Assalamu Alaikum WR WB



I was just browsing the net and a link from Google brought me here, though the topic had nothing to do with my search. However, I was very interested by the topic and I thought I could share a few things.



For all those sisters who are saying things along the lines of "I would blow up" if my husband had the thought of a 2nd wife. I would like to let you know that feeling of "you are mine" is normal. It is something all the wives of the Holy Prophet SAW had. This can be found in many Ahadith. The wives would indicate their feelings if the Holy Prophet spent some of his time at one of the wives homes doing something that would give some significance to that wife; the other wives would be restless and make comments about it. No doubt if the husband is not wise and just, the atmosphere can be tight and any little thing can cause a spark.



The question we ask is what allowed or made possible the wives of the Prophet able to share the best of humanity. If our sisters are going to blow up over their husbands marrying, who are full of errors, then how did the wives of the holy Prophet SAW share the best of creation in such respectful manner?



There is no doubt that sacrifice is on top of the list.



A single wife has the entire attention of the husband, in all areas of life, from money to the bed. When there is a second wife that is halved. Therefore a women who is willing to share her husband, is indeed a women who realises the issue of polygyny as meant by the Sunnah. We know that every true Muslim would carry every Sunnah and Saying of the Prophet on their eyes.



If our dear sisters realise the reality of polygyny then they would not blow up, and maybe just question themselves in the light of the actions of Ayesha, and Zaiynab. It goes without saying that polygamous relations are not easy, especially were the man does not do justice and understand his responsibilities. But that should not sanction us to react negatively to something the Holy Quran permits, and the holy Prophet practiced. But rather, question ourselves, as to why am I not ready to accept something that people better than me accepted?



All duas to the sister who has accepted her true position and realised that for the safe guarding of her husband, he can get another wife. Mashallah.



In fact the sister is doing what Allah asks of a husband and wife. In Surah Baqara Allah say “Huna libasul lakum, wa antum libasul lahoom”. When we accept the Nikkah contract and say “I do”. We are agreeing to be garments of modesty, chastity, respect and honour for one another. This also includes protecting each other from nearing major sins. The sister is being very wise in fulfilling her husband’s needs in a halal way. We are all weak and we don’t know what reasons from shaytan will lead to our fall.

[Hekmaa]

.

[in_exile]

mashallah sister may Allah (Swt) reward you for your honest and guide all muslims ameen.

[Abu.Bakr]

Asalam alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I have a close friend of mine who has taken a second wife. This is because his first wife was unable to give him more than one child and he so desperately wanted more kids of his own, hence adoption was not an option. Alhamdulillah his first wife was an understanding sister and she gave him her blessings in finding another wife. May Allah reward them all for their patience and may He bless them with more beautiful mu'mineen.

Wasalamu alaikum

[witty]

Dont try to change the deen because of your jealousy and because of ignorance to the rest of the world. What you in uk think is not the same for the rest of the world. Apart from the sub continent seccond marriage is very commong but i guess theyre all doing sin aswell.

No one has changed the deen and no one is stopping any brother who is not satisfied in bed with one woman. :)

Moving on, i hope people realise that you are personally responsible for providing for your wives, and that means working - and buying them separate dwellings if this is what they demand. It doesn't mean you shout 'kuffar' on a forum and then rely on Mr Blair's generous taxpayers to fork money for your women.

Realistically speaking, i don't think an average man's wages would pay a mortgage even in a cheap area and provide for wives and children equally. It makes me laugh that we all claim to be afraid of Allah and then we're willing to take on more responsibility - naturally that means more to account for on yaumuddin, but i guess that doesn't matter to some. (not all).

Back to the topic at hand. How would you know what it's like for other people in the world. In fact, it is much worse, and i have studied extensively on this so i can say with full confidence that polygamy and having many children certainly does not improve living standards, or quality of life in the muslim world or for that matter, in the third world/developing world.

It's a very common thing, but there are many injustices that are widespread and abuses that go on. Human rights are being curtailed, and women are not moving up in society, they are subjugated and treated like animals. And this is not a western view before one of you nutters on this forum jumps up and down and shouts 'kuffar kuffar'. This is the truth. The Prophet came to better women's position, and women have the right to reject marriage offers from men who want to acquire multiple wives. Why should this be a problem to anyone here? This is her right and personal freedom.

stop jumping to nonsensical conclusions.

Subhanallah, look at the hypocrisy. When muslim nations exile their citizens, they run to the west. Most of you guys on here live in the west and enjoy a lot of things you probably wouldn't enjoy in your home countries. In comparison to other nations, you enjoy security, prospect of promotion in society, and the freedom to practise at will. Yet, when it comes to pointing the finger, you are quick to blame the west for women not wanting to be co-wives.

Get real, and stop being idiots.

[ur_yusra]

No one has changed the deen and no one is stopping any brother who is not satisfied in bed with one woman. :)

Moving on, i hope people realise that you are personally responsible for providing for your wives, and that means working - and buying them separate dwellings if this is what they demand. It doesn't mean you shout 'kuffar' on a forum and then rely on Mr Blair's generous taxpayers to fork money for your women.

Realistically speaking, i don't think an average man's wages would pay a mortgage even in a cheap area and provide for wives and children equally. It makes me laugh that we all claim to be afraid of Allah and then we're willing to take on more responsibility - naturally that means more to account for on yaumuddin, but i guess that doesn't matter to some. (not all).

Back to the topic at hand. How would you know what it's like for other people in the world. In fact, it is much worse, and i have studied extensively on this so i can say with full confidence that polygamy and having many children certainly does not improve living standards, or quality of life in the muslim world or for that matter, in the third world/developing world.

It's a very common thing, but there are many injustices that are widespread and abuses that go on. Human rights are being curtailed, and women are not moving up in society, they are subjugated and treated like animals. And this is not a western view before one of you nutters on this forum jumps up and down and shouts 'kuffar kuffar'. This is the truth. The Prophet came to better women's position, and women have the right to reject marriage offers from men who want to acquire multiple wives. Why should this be a problem to anyone here? This is her right and personal freedom.

stop jumping to nonsensical conclusions.

Subhanallah, look at the hypocrisy. When muslim nations exile their citizens, they run to the west. Most of you guys on here live in the west and enjoy a lot of things you probably wouldn't enjoy in your home countries. In comparison to other nations, you enjoy security, prospect of promotion in society, and the freedom to practise at will. Yet, when it comes to pointing the finger, you are quick to blame the west for women not wanting to be co-wives.

Get real, and stop being idiots.

couldnt have put it better..

[ur_yusra]

ok so to apply your stupid logic, the sahaba were very pious so they could keep two wives, the people of today are not as pious so they cant keep two wives, so these same brothers who are not as pious as the sahaba obviously have a problem lowering their gaze because obviously theyre not as pious as the sahaba so then theyre not pious enough to have second wives and theyre not pious enough to lower their gaze then what should they do perhaps take mistresses instead seeing as they are not all the pious anyway :rolleyes:

you can guarantee that the condition is one not any brother can fulfill, subhanallah you must have knowledge of the unseen or perhaps you think that you know something that Allah (swt) didnt know when he revealed the quran to the prophet (Saw), perhaps the ayah should have been , today i have completed my favour upon you apart from the ayah of marrying twice which will be changed by ur_yusrah because people will not be pious enough to marry twice.

Seriously their is one thing joking or like saying I wouldnt like to be second wife or my husband to have a second wife their is another thing saying its not viable today and trying to forbid it, so many of the ulema and mujahideen have multiple wives, are they all sinners because they cant fulfill their duties to their wives. You need to check where your iman and your priority lies, as Allah (Swt) says nay they cannot believe until they make you (muhammed) a judge in all their affairs. Dont try to change the deen because of your jealousy and because of ignorance to the rest of the world. What you in uk think is not the same for the rest of the world. Apart from the sub continent seccond marriage is very commong but i guess theyre all doing sin aswell.

you have a tendency of taking things out of context which is a shame..

anyway yes alot of men who are engaged in second marriages are accumulating sin because they are not treating both wives equally..

[-Espérer-]

Wow SubhanAllah. Some of you sisters are like, "I wouldn't mind." wow. Wow. I rally admire that. I don't think I could stand the thought of my man LOOKING at another lady for a second too long. Know what I mean?


I know it's not haram for the man to have more than 1 wife.. But.. I just could't let my man do it. :shudder:

wow :blink:


SubhanAllah. Co-wives got strength masha`allah. I admire that. I met four woemn last summer. All married to one man. They were like sisters. That is just like, wow subhaaaanalllah!

[Nawar]

I agree 100% with the comments made by ur_yusra and witty , they obviously have an intelligent understanding of this issue. In exile, I don't think anyone here is implying that brothers should take mistresses or forbidding second marriages??? Which forum are you on??? Do brothers usually have such problems communicating their views on this forum?? Ur_yusra is correct; brothers in today’s society appear to be very naive. Instead of focusing their attentions on building a successful relationship with one wife, they are already thinking about second wives...and these are only the unmarried brothers!!! Brothers seriously have to remember the STRICT conditions regarding multiples marriages, and many pious brothers in today’s society actually refrain from having multiple marriages because of the fear that they will not deal justly between them and will earn Allah (swt)'s wrath!! SubhanAllah. Although love for the wives does not have to be equal, distributing the material things is NOT EASY as ur_yusra stated ‘they could be accumulating sin’ without even knowing it, because of that ‘one penny here or there’?!! What's easy… is to point the finger at sisters on this issue and say that they are questioning the hiqma of Allah (swt), astagfirullah, and calling them jealous and ignorant???!!!.…. Please..…… O yeh...Ulema references available on request...

[Nawar]

.

[ur_yusra]

I agree 100% with the comments made by ur_yusra and witty , they obviously have an intelligent understanding of this issue. In exile, I don't think anyone here is implying that brothers should take mistresses or forbidding second marriages??? Which forum are you on??? Do brothers usually have such problems communicating their views on this forum?? Ur_yusra is correct; brothers in today’s society appear to be very naive. Instead of focusing their attentions on building a successful relationship with one wife, they are already thinking about second wives...and these are only the unmarried brothers!!! Brothers seriously have to remember the STRICT conditions regarding multiples marriages, and many pious brothers in today’s society actually refrain from having multiple marriages because of the fear that they will not deal justly between them and will earn Allah (swt)'s wrath!! SubhanAllah. Although love for the wives does not have to be equal, distributing the material things is NOT EASY as ur_yusra stated ‘they could be accumulating sin’ without even knowing it, because of that ‘one penny here or there’?!! What's easy… is to point the finger at sisters on this issue and say that they are questioning the hiqma of Allah (swt), astagfirullah, and calling them jealous and ignorant???!!!.…. Please..…… O yeh...Ulema references available on request...

lol... hahahahaha

[in_exile]

first of all i was born in the west i did not emigrate their, second of all there is a difference between utilising the financial benfits in the west and adopting their views and beliefs, yes it is permissible to work in the west no it is not permissible to follow their views on homosexuality and polygany.

The rubbish that again you are regurgitating of living in sin and living in sin, how many brothers are living in sin because they cannot treat one wife correctly actually scratch that how many sisters are living in sin because they cannot fullfill the duties of the wife, actually scratch that how many sisters are living in sin full stop because they dont cover pray fast or do anything at all to differentiate between themselves and non-muslims. The fact of the matter is and this is the truth whether you like it or not sisters in the west have jumped onto this feminist bandwagon and gone down the line of yes its polygny is wrong but unlike the non-muslims they try to use so called islamic arguement. This whole issue of mortage blah blah blah again just an excuse so its fine for a rich man to get married twice but not for a poor man.

Instead of sisters concentrating their efforts on islamic needs and islamic duties what do they come out with oh no look he wants to get married twice oh no the end of the world how oppressive. Astaghfirullah i presume they would have the same discussion with the prophet (Saw) if he was here hey, or the sahaba.

And if a sister does want to be a second wife then she must just be plain crazy, not to mention half of the so called islamic scholars who have multiple wives and are apparantly all living in sin. Subhanallah why not just be honest I dont want to be second wife because im jealous and i cant take it. Is a simple answer and is the truth but dont try to islamicise your short comings because you just end up playing with the deen. and ask any alim who follows classical islam not pseudo islam and he will tell you polygny is from the sunnah.

[ummbilal]

I would agree to 2nd wife, if in different houses,,as being a widow..its not easy to find good muslim, but i would agree,to be part of a family unit, and have the rest of my life protected by marriage,inshaAllah..in fact, as single muslimah, this sounds wonderful to me,as I miss married life,,and is half of our Deen,,,:)


inshaallah Allah will make these trials easy 4 u sister and reward u for your sabr and compensate you with a good husband.

:love:

[Eclipse]

Rukayya sis, you have a lot of sabr and are accepting of a second wife, Mash'Allah. However, with all due respect to the other members and their views, I think this is a matter in which your husband should be the first point of contact before seeking external advice. Is your husband in any position to support a second wife and not just financially but providing emotional comfort to both is a significant concern. We want many things in life but one should also be prepared to take on the responsibilties of any decision they make, whether or not you (both of you) are prepared to accept a wife and friend into your lives is something the two of you need to figure out for yourselves, seeing as it will impact your lives. Discuss this matter with him in private, if you both come to realise that you are not ready then there are many other avenues one may take in having children. If you both conclude that this is what you want then May Allah make it easy on you both..

Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to meet many sisters with husbands having more than one wife here in Australia , I've only heard people talk.

[ummbilal]

salaam alakum brothers and sisters,

mashallah witty and ur yusra, i understand sometimes marrying a second wife may be hard, may not work out etc.. but you are not saying oh it may not work ....

you are saying it never will work..

this is extreemly negative,

witty, did you not think maybe some of these co wives have money of their own?

maybe are widows with homes of their own businesses etc.. not every muslimah needs "looking after" but we do need husbands mashallah.mortgages are haram mostly so most muslims spend money on rent etc...

many men can afford to look after two women or more, also i find your comments about "in your home country..."

i an english born and raised here, this is my home country, what r u saying?
i should go home and talk about pologomy there???

your reasons for being anti co marriages sound like the reasons they are banned in turkey and other non practising hypocritical countries, ie noone could be 100% fair, well of course not but we can try can we.

its sad that neither of u can see the goodness in it.

[Hekmaa]

Mashallah, allot of flavour and fever.



I would like to make a few points with regards to ethics of debate and conduct.



1. Islamically we are not allowed to attack a person regardless of their views.

2. We are to debate the person’s views and not slander them.

3. Our views should be 100% based on Quran and Sunnah, as this issue has been dealt with extensively in the Quran, Sunnah and Ijma of the A'ima.



Therefore for our sisters and brothers who are going haywires, over the topic due to their personal feelings and emotions. please calm down. With all due respect, we respect your views, however if they contradict the Quran and Sunnah, then they mean very little to us, but they concern us, in the that "why does my fellow Muslim feel this way about something Allah allowed, and His Prophet practiced?" this is what i would like to address.



Polygyny or polygamous relationships are one that require great Athim (Resolve) both from the man and women. Polygamy is not for the selfish, wrongly jealous, suspicious and ego centric individuals. Both the man and women of the relationship must have a high level of God consciousness. The must be open hearted and deep hearted and not grudge and hasty. A man who knows the reality of Polygamy will himself know what type of a wife to look for. A wife who will live in a polygamous marriage compare to a wife who will not are very different. Therefore if you see yourself getting all emotional and uncomfortable with the idea of polygamy for whatever reasons your mind is creating to justify that emotion. Please know that you are in fact finding it difficult to accept something that has been allowed in the Quran and Practiced by the Holy Prophet. So in fact you have discomfort with one of the Prophets Sunnah and you need to look long and hard at yourself and find impartially the reason why that is so.



Everyone knows that in a polygamous marriage the man has to materially provide equally to both wives. However like I mentioned above, women who know the reality of married life, will know the limit of their husbands and not demand more then he can afford. The Holy Prophet was no millionaire, he lived a very simple life, and our beloved mothers, his wives respectfully accepted. They could have each demanded a camel of their own (car), and villa of their own, and maid of their own, luxury clothes and plenty of Jewellery however they did not. That is the scale by which you measure yourself. Our model is the Holy Prophet, and for our sisters with women issues, his wives are your models, they are who you should compare yourselves to.



Each wive does not need a separate House, they can live in separate rooms. Anyone who had been to Saudi in the 80’s would have seen Aiysha RA house and the other wives homes. They were actually rooms, not homes like we know today, with 4 bed rooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge, kitchen, laundry etc.



Thus, if we are, due to our emotions and negative experiences trying to make something right wrong, then that is an error with us that needs attention from ourselves, and rectified. We can create a million reasons to try and change reality, but reality is reality. Wa Qulja Al Haqqu Wa Thahaqal Batil, Inal batilla Kana Tha hooqa.

[in_exile]

why cant people just be honest say look ok
i dont cover because im not practicing
I dont pray because im ignorant of Islam
I do this and this because there is something wrong with my deen
I dont accept my husband to marry again because there is a problem with my thought because im a jelous etc

that way then at least they dont go into the biddah of changing the deen

kullu biddatun dallah wa kullu dallatun fin naar

[in_exile]

why cant people just be honest say look ok
i dont cover because im not practicing
I dont pray because im ignorant of Islam
I do this and this because there is something wrong with my deen
I dont accept my husband to marry again because there is a problem with my thought because im a jelous etc

that way then at least they dont go into the biddah of changing the deen

kullu biddatun dallah wa kullu dallatun fin naar

[Haz]

How can brothers think about marrying a second wife when there are who haven't even got the oppurtunity to think about having a first wife? :mad: . You can't marry all the pious women and make us go off-shore.

[in_exile]

incidentally the ratio of practicing sisters to practicing brothers in uk is much higher then 1:1 so i guess those excess sisters should marry jahil men, or perhaps not marry at all seeing as if they are involved in polygnous marriages they know that their husband will d haram so is helping them do haram :rolleyes:

[Ebony]

You are obviously missing the point.

No-one is asking to change the deen. No-one is denying it is permissible to marry more than one. No-one is saying its "disgusting" (Astaghfirullah)

The issue here is to recognise that although some men may wish to have more than one wife (for whatever reason), not all may be able to treat them in the manner required.

[in_exile]

You are obviously missing the point.

No-one is asking to change the deen. No-one is denying it is permissible to marry more than one. No-one is saying its "disgusting" (Astaghfirullah)

The issue here is to recognise that although some men may wish to have more than one wife (for whatever reason), not all may be able to treat them in the manner required.

go flick through the quotes on this thread and the one in the poll what was said was not that SOME men cannot keep their duties to 2 wives but that ALL men cannot do this. For example

Quote There is not a single polygamous marriage that I have seen where the husband has been able to treat both wives equally. The marriages have ended up failing with both women unhappy. Great justice that is.

And how does the man realistically aim to distribute his money, clothes, food and attention COMPLETELY EQUALLY (as islamically required) without a penny here or there, where without realising he may end up sinning and earning Allah(swt)'s anger.. theres something to think about..

Rather, in a society where many brothers struggle to have successful marriages with just one wife, an intelligent brother seriously considers and realises that he should appreciate and focus his attention and energy on building a successful islamic home with one woman. In fulfilling such a deed he should know that he is attaining Allah (swt)'s pleasure and immense reward..

'dealing justly with each wife' may appear to be a condition easily fulfilled for naive brothers, I can guarantee it is not one that brothers today can.. Unquote

Now either im blind or that is inferring it is haram.

[Ebony]

Maybe you should stop inferring/looking for underlying "messages" and just read whats being written.

The above quote you used is stating the understanding most people have of conditions that have to/need to/should be fulfilled for polygynous marriages. (Circle that which you believe is "correct")

No-one has stated polygyny is haram.

The belief that responsibilities, fair treatment etc aren't fulfilled for some polygynous (sp?) marriages is the issue here.

And as for the last part of the quote: 'dealing justly with each wife' may appear to be a condition easily fulfilled for naive brothers, I can guarantee it is not one that brothers today can..

The reasons for breakdown of polygynous marriages may very well be the same reasons that lead to the breakdown of monogamous marriages. Just as there is no "guarantee" that a monogamous marriage will last, the same applies to polygynous marriages.

Basically, people should recognise their limitations. If a man sincerely believes he has the means to have another wife and is aware of what it entails then, with the correct intention, he can exercise this right of his.

If on the other hand he fears he won't be able to treat them fairly and fulfill his responsibilities to them, then it is probably best he does not marry again.

[in_exile]

Maybe you should stop inferring/looking for underlying "messages" and just read whats being written.

The above quote you used is stating the understanding most people have of conditions that have to/need to/should be fulfilled for polygynous marriages. (Circle that which you believe is "correct")

No-one has stated polygyny is haram.

The belief that responsibilities, fair treatment etc aren't fulfilled for some polygynous (sp?) marriages is the issue here.

And as for the last part of the quote: 'dealing justly with each wife' may appear to be a condition easily fulfilled for naive brothers, I can guarantee it is not one that brothers today can..

The reasons for breakdown of polygynous marriages may very well be the same reasons that lead to the breakdown of monogamous marriages. Just as there is no "guarantee" that a monogamous marriage will last, the same applies to polygynous marriages.

Basically, people should recognise their limitations. If a man sincerely believes he has the means to have another wife and is aware of what it entails then, with the correct intention, he can exercise this right of his.

If on the other hand he fears he won't be able to treat them fairly and fulfill his responsibilities to them, then it is probably best he does not marry again.

ahem the last quote says i repeat it is not a condition brothers today can meaning what meaning if they cant fullfill the condition it is not allowed to do it meaning it is haram

[Ebony]

ahem the last quote says i repeat it is not a condition brothers today can meaning what meaning if they cant fullfill the condition it is not allowed to do it meaning it is haram

So, according to you, one person's opinion (that brothers cannot fulfill these duties in this day and age - how they know that unless they can see into their hearts, abilities etc is beyond me ) means they are stating polygyny is "haram"?

[witty]

Again, i notice that the word 'feminist' keeps popping up. Feminism is very complex, thus there are extensive studies on the topic. So stop talking about things you hardly have a clue about. As for people quickly condemning those sisters who refuse to have polygamous relations for personal preference, by saying 'you wouldn't say that about the Prophet' and so on. The prophet married more than 4, why don't you go and marry more than 4? According to some hadith, he had the sexual power of 30 men and could satisfy all his wives' sexual needs in one night. So before you open your mouth, i suggest you actually think through what you say.

This whole issue of mortage blah blah blah again just an excuse so its fine for a rich man to get married twice but not for a poor man.

I didn't even imply that a rich man can marry more than once and a poor man cannot. :) You seem to think, that if a man is rich, a woman will rush off and willingly be his second wife - and the implication i get is that you seem to think women are like prostitutes who are mesmerised at the sight of a man with lots of cash. If this is what you are implying, you are mistaken.

And if a sister does want to be a second wife then she must just be plain crazy, not to mention half of the so called islamic scholars who have multiple wives and are apparantly all living in sin.

I did not imply it was a sin, and nor am i denying its permissibility. As for women being 'crazy' - thats nothing to do with you, and nor is it your business to put it frankly. A woman, any woman, is entitled to reject marriage proposals - be it from men who already are married or are single. And this is a woman's right, how about you comprehend that and acknowledge it rather than quickly saying 'she must be plain crazy'. What gives you the right to judge every polygamous marriage? Of course there are some that run smoothly, but there are also many in third world countries where men treat their women badly - and unequally. Not all are like that, but then saying that all polygamous marriages are successful is extremely naive and ignorant. You saying that a woman who rejects a polygamous relationship is 'plain crazy' implies that she's crazy because a polygamous marriage is workable in all situations, and runs smoothly all the time - so can i ask, how you have come to that conclusion? Or are you assuming as usual?

Umm Bilal:

witty, did you not think maybe some of these co wives have money of their own? Yes, i realise that, but a woman does not have to spend her money if she chooses not to therefore the responsibility of providing lays with the man.

mortgages are haram mostly so most muslims spend money on rent etc... Right, well we cannot deny that there are muslims with mortgages or who HAVE taken out mortgages as a necessity to house their families. Insurance and car cover is also haram, but i bet many of you on here pay it.

Men get very jumpy when women don't like polygamy or dont want a polygamous relationship. For all you jumpy guys - i am not saying polygamy is haram, or unworkable *refer to Ebony's post above*. If you are not satisfied by one, marry more, but logically thinking, one cannot satisfy their nafhs.

Now let's come to the Maths because some naive men who are unmarried (mostly) tend to think, a man can sustain many wives WITHOUT depending on the welfare state.

The Maths behind marrying multiple women - i am working on approximates, and this may not be right all across the country as prices vary:

Including Bills and food costs as well as clothes and if you have 4 family members or more, your monthly costs could amount to £400 - £500 (bottom end) - depending on whether you need to buy nappies (before you say it's too much).

If you're living on rent, the cheapest price i have seen in the south are around £500, up north, £3-400 for a decent house.

If you have a mortgage, then throw in a couple of thousand for the whole year.

Let's assume a man has 4 wives and 2 kids from each.

4 x £500 = £2000 a month and £24000 a year excluding rent. Let's use the bottom end of rent, £300 x 12 = £3600. Food + rent = £27300. Let's say you have 1 car for the whole 4 wives and yourself, allow £1000 minimum for road tax, mot, servicing and insurance, the total now stands at £28,300. If you're not paying rent and your houses are mortgaged (god help you, i won't work that one out!).

I'm not exaggerating in any sense at all. If you live in London, this is probably the right cost of your living expenses and possibly less! There are men of course out there who can sustain and maintain many wives (i'm not saying its absolutely impossible). And of course, in other countries, prices and living costs undoubtedly vary.

If your house is already bought and you're not paying rent, then you still have the living expenses to spend, unless you like to survive on one meal every two days (LOL) or are extremely stingy in your heating and food.

But then of course, what would young naive men and women on here know?

Most of the people i've seen depend on welfare either for one wife or two or more, either in living expenses or rent. It's so much easier isn't it? Very easy to condemn the kuffar and then take their money so you can enjoy yourself.

All you armchair Ummah.com mullah's are telling me, you don't need to depend on welfare if your an average joe providing for multiple wives?

You are nothing but a joke. And a laughable one at that. :rolleyes:

[in_exile]

So, according to you, one person's opinion (that brothers cannot fulfill these duties in this day and age - how they know that unless they can see into their hearts, abilities etc is beyond me ) means they are stating polygyny is "haram"?

they are stating polygny in this day and age is haram.

the codnition to marry twice is you treat your qives equally, if you cannot do this it is haram, the sister has categorically stated all brothers cannot do this today (whats changed I dont know perhaps sisters attitudes in the west) therefore if one cannot fullfill the condition it becomes haram for one if all cannot fulfill the condition it becomes haram for all easy to follow non?

[witty]

the codnition to marry twice is you treat your qives equally, if you cannot do this it is haram, the sister has categorically stated all brothers cannot do this today (whats changed I dont know perhaps sisters attitudes in the west) therefore if one cannot fullfill the condition it becomes haram for one if all cannot fulfill the condition it becomes haram for all easy to follow non?

‘Ye are never able to do justice to wives even if it is your ardent desire’ (4:129)

And you are condemning us for pointing out the obvious to you?

[in_exile]

again witty stop changing the subject from one thing to money, no one denies that some people cant afford it and anyway most would argue that your whole issue of it now being haram to take welfare is wrong , not that im in support of taking welfare nor against it, its personal preference.

Again what we said is if you dont like your husband marrying again fair enough, but you cannot state it is wrong and will lead to sin. Polygny is part of Islam is part of the sunnah and the majority of the famous pious muslims married more then once and are marrying more then once.

The whole issue is about attitude, if YOU dont like it say I dont like it but islamically there is nothing wrong with it, Just be honest state your OWN personal choice but dont make YOUR choice the basis for saying something is allowed or not as some have chosen to do.

I am a brother and alhamdulillah i find it no really to have a polygnous marriage but that is MY choice. If a brother wanted to get married twice I would explain the pros and cons and let him make his mind up and if he wants to do it then mashallah May Allah (Swt) reward him as he has done a good deed.

[in_exile]

‘Ye are never able to do justice to wives even if it is your ardent desire’ (4:129)

And you are condemning us for pointing out the obvious to you?


please quote the tafsir on the ayah, please state whether it is your opinion that this will lead to sin as this ayah is addressed to the prophet (saw) first and foremost.

[in_exile]

sorry scracth that pls quote the correct translation to the full ayah

129. You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allâh by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allâh is Ever Oft­Forgiving, Most Merciful

[witty]

Listen to yourself:

again witty stop changing the subject from one thing to money, no one denies that some people cant afford it and anyway most would argue that your whole issue of it now being haram to take welfare is wrong , not that im in support of taking welfare nor against it, its personal preference.

I'm not changing the subject, in fact i am referring to what is at hand since people keep saying it is workable and financially practical in the UK. Even abroad, it isn't too practical but there is a greater likelihood of it working there than here - but then the odds of that are small, and anyone whose dont independent research on such things knows.

As for welfare, you are personally responsible for providing for your wife. Like i said, if you're all geared up for the sex and the pleasure of marrying many, then get set for the money issue too. Bob down the street should not have to pay through his taxes for you. It is extremely unislamic from my point of view. And need i say, welfare is not provided to ALL 4 women as they are not recognised in the west. So the man would have to lie about his relations with his wives - i.e. i have left woman x, as the state does not provide otherwise. :) Know the facts before you speak.

Again what we said is if you dont like your husband marrying again fair enough, but you cannot state it is wrong and will lead to sin. Polygny is part of Islam is part of the sunnah and the majority of the famous pious muslims married more then once and are marrying more then once.

I have expressed my preference on the other thread. I am referring to something else in my post above. Of course it is part of islam, saying it isn't would lead to your argument being reduced to absurdity. We keep telling you, and i dont seem to understand why you cannot comprehend this; we are not saying it is haram.

[witty]

Oh shut up, please and stop being pathetic.

Rather than condemning us - Ebony - for pointing out the obvious - that it is difficult to do justice, how about you take the matter up with God and stop doing our flippin' head in.

004.129YUSUFALI: Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
PICKTHAL: Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
SHAKIR: And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/quran/004.qmt.html

[Ebony]

The condition which Islam lays down for permitting a man to have more than one wife is confidence on his part that he will be able to deal equitably with his two or more wives in the matter of food, drink, housing, clothing and expenses, as well as in the
division of his time between them.

Anyone who lacks the assurance that he will be able to fulfill all these obligations with justice and equality is prohibited by Allah (swt) from marrying more than one woman, for Allah (swt) says: ...But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one....(4:3)

And the Prophet (peace be on him) said, “Anyone who has two wives and does not treat them equally will come on the Day of Resurrection dragging one part of his body which will be hanging down.” (Reported by the compilers of Sunan and by Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim.)

[witty]

And the Prophet (peace be on him) said, “Anyone who has two wives and does not treat them equally will come on the Day of Resurrection dragging one part of his body which will be hanging down.” (Reported by the compilers of Sunan and by Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim.)

In other words, paralysed. :up:

[in_exile]

Listen to yourself:



I'm not changing the subject, in fact i am referring to what is at hand since people keep saying it is workable and financially practical in the UK. Even abroad, it isn't too practical but there is a greater likelihood of it working there than here - but then the odds of that are small, and anyone whose dont independent research on such things knows.

As for welfare, you are personally responsible for providing for your wife. Like i said, if you're all geared up for the sex and the pleasure of marrying many, then get set for the money issue too. Bob down the street should not have to pay through his taxes for you. It is extremely unislamic from my point of view. And need i say, welfare is not provided to ALL 4 women as they are not recognised in the west. So the man would have to lie about his relations with his wives - i.e. i have left woman x, as the state does not provide otherwise. :) Know the facts before you speak.



I have expressed my preference on the other thread. I am referring to something else in my post above. Of course it is part of islam, saying it isn't would lead to your argument being reduced to absurdity. We keep telling you, and i dont seem to understand why you cannot comprehend this; we are not saying it is haram.

I never said YOU said it was haram I said a post was put up saying that all brothers who get married twice would do sin.

The man does not have to lie about his relationship with his wife so learn the fact before you speak, the man does not even have to state he is married twice, it is actually the women that would apply for the welfare. I dont know who bob down the road is and if he wanted to pay through his taxes for whoever he was paying to because I dont claim welfare that is his problem not mine, not to say that I have any pity for him because the majority of the west is built on the money stolen from the rest of the world.

the odds of polygny working are small according to whom? the majority of divorce happenes between couples singular relationships and is most common in the west. The arabs divorce each other for fun as they dont have a stigma to divorce reglardless of whether its first wife or second or third or fourth. Again these so called facts you come up are derived from whom?

Finally like I said you dont like the idea of second marriage fair enough no problem but dont try to defend anyone who says it will definately lead to sin (as you have not said that yourself) .

[in_exile]

Oh shut up, please and stop being pathetic.

Rather than condemning us - Ebony - for pointing out the obvious - that it is difficult to do justice, how about you take the matter up with God and stop doing our flippin' head in.

004.129YUSUFALI: Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
PICKTHAL: Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
SHAKIR: And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/quran/004.qmt.html

first of all the above named translations themselves are weak the best translation of the quran in english is done by Sheikh Taqiuddin al Hilali
129. You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allâh by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allâh is Ever Oft­Forgiving, Most Merciful
Second of all the tafseer by the fuqaha of which niether you or I are one is that this is in relation to love as Allah (Swt) does not contradict himself.

Thirdly no one is denying that if you dont treat your wives fairly or equally it is sin.

Fourthly being pathetic :rolleyes: nah its ramadhan i dont want to start throwing low blows at you

Fifthyl I didnt not condemn sister ebony :scratch:

[witty]

I don't have the time of day to argue with you, but to clarify on two points:

The man does not have to lie about his relationship with his wife so learn the fact before you speak, the man does not even have to state he is married twice, it is actually the women that would apply for the welfare.

You actually would have to lie. You have to state alternative income and whether your partner lives with you or not. If you say he does, for obvious reasons you're going to be under scrutiny and asked to work. Hence, most men on welfare either lie themselves, or their women lie by saying my partner does not live with me, and hence they have no means of supporting their children - and this is how they claim.

I dont know who bob down the road is and if he wanted to pay through his taxes for whoever he was paying to because I dont claim welfare that is his problem not mine, not to say that I have any pity for him because the majority of the west is built on the money stolen from the rest of the world.

Islam tells us to do justice to all human beings, even nonmuslims - they are human at the end of the day, not aliens. And we don't follow the thought of 'original sin' so if bobs grandparents looted india or some remote muslim nation back in the colonial times, bob is not personally held accountable for those deeds - as you are only accountable for what you do. And no, it isn't the taxpayers problem, they have to pay. There are many muslims who get taxed harshly too. :)

[Nawar]

first of all i was born in the west i did not emigrate their, second of all there is a difference between utilising the financial benfits in the west and adopting their views and beliefs, yes it is permissible to work in the west no it is not permissible to follow their views on homosexuality and polygany.

Umm....hold on....let me stop you right there...I beg to differ....working in the west ultimately means working FOR kuffar and UNDER kuffar, which ultimately means paying your taxes and financially benefiting these kuffar, which ultimately means funding the jahil governement of such western societies, which ultimately means sustaining their views and belief rather than working to change them...which is probably worse than following them...so I'm afraid working in the west isnt as straight forward as you seem to make out.....'utilising the financial benefits of the west' in a contradiction in itself.


Apart from that...in exile...the rest of your posts are hilarious!!! are they meant to be????? You seem to be exerting a lot of emotion. Maybe if you expressed your views once you are less emotional,they might make more sense.....

[Freshie]

i know many kaffir who have wife children, and many girlfriends sametime, if that can work so can muslim guy having three or four wives. :D

[Freshie]

Umm....hold on....let me stop you right there...I beg to differ....working in the west ultimately means working FOR kuffar and UNDER kuffar, which ultimately means paying your taxes and financially benefiting these kuffar, which ultimately means funding the jahil governement of such western societies, which ultimately means sustaining their views and belief rather than working to change them...which is probably worse than following them...so I'm afraid working in the west isnt as straight forward as you seem to make out.....'utilising the financial benefits of the west' in a contradiction in itself.


Apart from that...in exile...the rest of your posts are hilarious!!! are they meant to be????? You seem to be exerting a lot of emotion. Maybe if you expressed your views once you are less emotional,they might make more sense.....

maybe you should get out of the cave one day and truy to get a job... and you will learn what the world is about.

[ur_yusra]

Umm....hold on....let me stop you right there...I beg to differ....working in the west ultimately means working FOR kuffar and UNDER kuffar, which ultimately means paying your taxes and financially benefiting these kuffar, which ultimately means funding the jahil governement of such western societies, which ultimately means sustaining their views and belief rather than working to change them...which is probably worse than following them...so I'm afraid working in the west isnt as straight forward as you seem to make out.....'utilising the financial benefits of the west' in a contradiction in itself.


Apart from that...in exile...the rest of your posts are hilarious!!! are they meant to be????? You seem to be exerting a lot of emotion. Maybe if you expressed your views once you are less emotional,they might make more sense.....

well yes men can be more emotional then women sometimes.. what I dont understand is why do people bother arguing with us. We have our views they have theirs. If a man wants more then one wife then he should marry someone with the same views that he holds. I think alot of men who have grown up in the west are immature to put it nicely. He'd have to be very pious indeed to take up a polygamous responsibility..

[Al-ghurabah]

salam sis. respect to you. there are not many sisters like you these days. its sunnah to get married more than once. but girls these days specially ones in the west. dont like it. if only all women were like you hey...
all you other sisters take some advice ok. ;)

[Nawar]

maybe you should get out of the cave one day and truy to get a job... and you will learn what the world is about.

Umm...err....let me get this straight.....YOU, a 'freshie', repeat, A FRESHIE... is telling ME to get out of MY cave?????? Your one line answer is enough to show the fact that you have no adhab or understanding of what is being discussed....Don't presume to know anything about me or my jobs.....and anyways, I wouldn't mind living in a cave...at least its well away from brothers and freshies like you who obviously dont have a clue...

[Hekmaa]

All the math for multiple wife expenses means nothing. You sisters and we brothers know that if a woman wants to be demanding then we can’t even meet the demands of one woman. So let’s not argue for the sake of argument.



The reality of marriage life will always remain to be co-operation, whether it is one wife or 4 wives. Secondly as I had stated above, polygamous relationships is not the cup of tea for every tom, **** and harry. This goes for both sisters and brothers. So please lets drop the bashing of those who have done it incorrectly and focus on the object of debate which was its practicality for the sister in question.



I believe our personal experience in life and social leanings will do little to aid the sister who asked the question in the first place.



Polygamy is allowed in Islam.

The prophet practiced polygamy.

Polygamous relationships require great resolve from both the man and women of the relationship.

There have been bad examples of people marrying more then one wife for the very wrong reasons and hence leaving people hurt.

However the way people practice a certain teaching has no bearing on that teaching.

The best example in how to practice polygamy is to follow the Prophet SAW, his Sahaba and the Aa’ima of Islam.



For those who wish to give twisted reasoning against Islamic teaching, and try to justify it using the time debate. Then know well Islam is a religion for all time, from its revelation until Qeyaamah. None of its rules will be made Naskh, after that which the Prophet made Naskh. Therefore whatever we have is a complete package. Allah mentions in the Holy Quran, Udkhulo fis silmi Kaffa. Enter Islam completely. Meaning no mix and matching, I like this part it makes sense to me, and this other part doesn’t. Anything that doesn’t make sense to you is because your are not thinking right. The deen is perfect.

Wa Minallahi Tawfeeq wal hidayah

[Haz]

4 x £500 = £2000 a month and £24000 a year excluding rent. Let's use the bottom end of rent, £300 x 12 = £3600. Food + rent = £27300. Let's say you have 1 car for the whole 4 wives and yourself, allow £1000 minimum for road tax, mot, servicing and insurance, the total now stands at £28,300. If you're not paying rent and your houses are mortgaged (god help you, i won't work that one out!).

:rolleyes:

chill out witty, don't worry about it, there are dudes who wouldn't even think about a second wife.

[Haz]

Islam Questions & Answers
www.islam-qa.com

Question Reference Number:: 14022
Title: The ruling on plural marriage and the wisdom behind it
Home > Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings > Transactions > Marriage > Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives >
Question:



I was really into becoming a Muslim. I came to this site to find out how to become Muslim, on doing so I found out alot about the religion I never knew before, and it's kind of disturbing and almost a let down. I'm sorry I feel like that but it's true. One of the things that bother me is the polygamy thing, I would like to know where it addresses that in the Holy Qu'ran, please try to give me tips on how to live like that and remain sane?
Answer:


Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah concluded His Message to mankind with the religion of Islam, and He tells us that He will not accept any religion other than that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]

Your backing away from the religion of Islam is considered to be a loss for you, and a loss of the happiness that awaited you, had you entered Islam. You should hasten to enter Islam, and beware of delaying, for that delay may lead to regrettable consequences.

With regard to what you mention about the reason for your backing off being the idea of plural marriage [polygamy or polygyny], we will present to you the ruling on plural marriage in Islam, and then the wisdom and noble purposes behind it.

1 – The ruling on plural marriage in Islam:

The shar’i text which permits plural marriage is:

Allaah says in His Holy Book (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”

[al-Nisa’ 4:3]

This is a Qur’aanic text which shows that plural marriage is allowed. According to Islamic sharee’ah, a man is permitted to marry one, two, three or four wives, in the sense that he may have this number of wives at one time. It is not permissible for him to have more than four. This was stated by the mufassireen (commentators on the Qur’aan) and fuqaha’ (jurists), and there is consensus among the Muslims on this point, with no differing opinions.

It should be noted that there are conditions attached to plural marriage:

1 – Justice or fairness.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one”

[al-Nisa’ 4:3]

This aayah is indicates that just treatment is a condition for plural marriage to be permitted. If a man is afraid that he will not be able to treat his wives justly if he marries more than one, then it is forbidden for him to marry more than one. What is meant by the justice that is required in order for a man to be permitted to have more than one wife is that he should treat his wives equally in terms of spending, clothing, spending the night with them and other material things that are under his control.

With regard to justice or fairness in terms of love, he is not held accountable for that, and that is not required of him because he has no control over that. This is what is meant by the verse,

“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire”

[al-Nisa’ 4:129 – interpretation of the meaning].

2 – The ability to spend on one’s wives:

The evidence for this condition is the verse:

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty”

[al-Noor 24:33 – interpretation of the meaning]

In this verse Allaah commands those who are able to get married but cannot find the financial means, to remain chaste. One such example is not having enough money to pay the mahr (dowry) and not being able to spend on one’s wife. (al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah, part 6, p. 286).

2 – The wisdom behind permitting plural marriage

1 – Plural marriage helps to increase the numbers of the ummah (nation, Muslim community). It is known that the numbers can only be increased through marriage, and the number of offspring gained through plural marriage will be greater than that achieved through marriage to one wife.

Wise people know that increasing the number of offspring will strengthen the ummah and increase the number of workers in it, which will raise its economic standard – if the leaders run the affairs of state well and make use of its resources in a proper manner. Ignore the claims of those who say that increasing the numbers of human beings poses a danger to the earth’s resources which are insufficient, for Allaah the Most Wise Who has prescribed plural marriage has guaranteed to provide provision for His slaves and has created on earth what is more than sufficient for them. Whatever shortfall exists is due to the injustice of administrations, governments and individuals, and due to bad management. Look at China, for example, the greatest nation on earth as far as number of inhabitants is concerned, and it is regarded as one of the strongest nations in the world, and other nations would think twice before upsetting China; it is also one of the great industrialized nations. Who would dare think of attacking China, I wonder? And why?

2 – Statistics show that the number of women is greater than the number of men; if each man were to marry just one woman, this would mean that some women would be left without a husband, which would have a harmful effect on her and on society:

The harmful effect is that she would never find a husband to take care of her interests, to give her a place to live, to spend on her, to protect her from haraam desires, and to give her children to bring her joy. This may lead to deviance and going astray, except for those on whom Allaah has mercy.

With regard to the harmful effects on society, it is well known that this woman who is left without a husband may deviate from the straight path and follow the ways of promiscuity, so she may fall into the swamp of adultery and prostitution – may Allaah keep us safe and sound – which leads to the spread of immorality and the emergence of fatal diseases such as AIDS and other contagious diseases for which there is no cure. It also leads to family breakdown and the birth of children whose identity is unknown, and who do not know who their fathers are.

Those children do not find anyone to show compassion towards them or any mature man to raise them properly. When they go out into the world and find out the truth, that they are illegitimate, that is reflected in their behaviour, and they become exposed to deviance and going astray. They may even bear grudges against society, and who knows? They may become the means of their country’s destruction, leaders of deviant gangs, as is the case in many nations in the world.

3 – Men are exposed to incidents that may end their lives, for they work in dangerous professions. They are the soldiers who fight in battle, and more men may die than women. This is one of the things that raise the percentage of husbandless women, and the only solution to this problem is plural marriage.

4 – There are some men who may have strong physical desires, for whom one wife is not enough. If the door is closed to such a man and he is told, you are not allowed more than one wife, this will cause great hardship to him, and his desire may find outlets in forbidden ways.

In addition to that, a woman menstruates each month, and when she gives birth, she bleeds for forty days (this post-partum bleeding is called nifaas in Arabic), at which time a man cannot have intercourse with his wife, because intercourse at the time of menstruation or nifaas is forbidden, and the harm that it causes has been proven medically. So plural marriage is permitted when one is able to be fair and just.

5 – Plural marriage does not exist only in the Islamic religion, rather it was known among the previous nations. Some of the Prophets were married to more than one woman. The Prophet of Allaah Sulaymaan (Solomon) had ninety wives. At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), there were some men who became Muslims who had eight or five wives. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told them to keep four wives and to divorce the rest.

6 – A wife may be barren, or she may not meet her husband’s needs, or he may be unable to have intercourse with her because she is sick. A husband may long to have children, which is a legitimate desire, and he may want to have a sex life within marriage, which is something permissible, and the only way is to marry another wife. It is only fair for the wife to agree to remain his wife and to allow him to marry another.

7 – A woman may be one of the man’s relatives and have no one to look after her, and she is unmarried or a widow whose husband has died, and the man may think that the best thing to do for her is to include her in his household as a wife along with his first wife, so that he will both keep her chaste and spend on her. This is better for her than leaving her alone and being content only to spend on her.

8 – There are other shar’i interests that call for plural marriages, such as strengthening the bonds between families, or strengthening the bonds between a leader and some of his people or group, and he may think that one of the ways of achieving this aim is to become related to them through marriage, even if that is through plural marriage.

Objection:

Some people may object and say that plural marriage means having co-wives in one house, and that the disputes and enmity that may arise between co-wives will have an effect on the husband, children and others, and this is harmful and should be avoided, and the only way to prevent that is to ban plural marriage.

Response to the objection:

The response to that is that family arguments may occur even when there is only one wife, and they may not even happen when there is more than one wife, as we see in real life. Even if we assume that there may be more arguments than in a marriage to one wife, even if we accept that they may be harmful and bad, the harm is outweighed by the many good things in a plural marriage. Life is not entirely bad or entirely good, but what everyone hopes is that the good will outweigh the bad, and this principle is what applies in the permission for plural marriage.

Moreover, each wife has the right to her own, separate accommodation as prescribed in Islam. It is not permissible for the husband to force his wives to live together in one house.

Another objection:

If we allow men to have plural wives, why are women not allowed to have multiple husbands, why does a woman not have the right to marry more than one man?

Response to this objection:

There is no point in giving a woman the right to marry multiple husbands, rather that is beneath her dignity and she would not know the lineage of her children, because she is the one who bears the offspring, and it is not permissible for the offspring to be formed from the sperm of a number of men lest the lineage of the child be lost and no one will know who is responsible for bringing up the child; this will lead to breakdown of families, loss of ties between fathers and children, which is not permitted in Islam as it is not in the interests of the woman or of the child or of society as a whole.

Al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah, part 6, p. 290




Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

[Haz]

and for those who consider islamqa a salafi website

(http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1885&CATE=10)

Polygyny in Islam: Marrying more than one woman... RE: My 70 year old father has re-married...
Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari


http://www.sunnipath.com/images/Q_Image.jpgPolygyny in Islam: Marrying more than one woman… RE: My 70 year-old father has re-married… is this right? Is it allowed? Is it fair on our ageing mother?
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/A_Image.jpg
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/bism01.jpg
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited. In this brief answer I will use the term ‘polygamy’ with regards to a man marrying more than once, due to its widespread usage.

Polygamy is one of the main targets for criticism on the part of non-Muslims and even some who claim to be Muslims. However, polygamy is not something that appeared with the advent of Islam, rather it was present in human societies since the very beginning, and was practiced in many parts of the world.

Before the advent of Islam, polygamy had been practiced unlimitedly in many parts of the world. A man use to marry several women at one time. Even the Prophets (upon whom be peace) were not immune from it. Sayyiduna Ibrahim (peace be upon him) had two wives, Sayyiduna Ishaq and Sayyiduna Musa (peace be upon them both) had many wives, Sayyiduna Sulayman (peace be upon him) had several wives whilst Sayyiduna Dawud (peace be upon him) had hundred wives. In fact, there are only two prophets who never married, one being Sayyiduna Isa and the other Sayyiduna Yahya (peace be upon them both).

Historically, the Jews and Christians were polygamous. The ban on polygamy in Christianity is a man-made prohibition, not divine law. Polygamy was also practised among the Persians, Greeks, Arabs and Hindus. Unrestricted polygamy was permissible in all the religions before the advent of Islam.

When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) brought the message of Islam, polygamy was still a widespread and well-established custom. It was practiced without any restriction or limitation. Due to this, a man would marry many women, but failed to fulfil their rights, and the women who were in his marriage were oppressed and treated unjustly.

Islam came and banned the ill-treatment of women. It limited unrestricted polygamy that was the custom of the times of ignorance. It also laid certain conditions in order to practice polygamy.

The following verse of the Qur’an was revealed:

“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

The circumstances in which this verse was revealed illustrate the sincere teachings of Islam regarding polygamy. It was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which a significant number of Muslim men were martyred and as a consequence, many women were widowed and their children orphaned. To safeguard the new Muslim community, this just and compassionate law was revealed, and it remains in effect until the end of time.

Islam requires men to take full care of the orphan's interests and property, but if they felt that they could not do justice to them as custodians, then they were advised to marry other women, up to a maximum of four.

Also, the Qur’an conditioned the permissibility of marrying more than one wife with justice and fair treatment. It is a grave sin to treat the wives unequally. Any man who wishes to take a second wife also has to meet the important condition of fair treatment of all his wives. The verse quoted above includes the command to treat wives equally, and anyone who is unable to do so should marry only one wife.

Equal treatment includes all social, economical and physical needs. It is very difficult for human beings to be completely fair, a fact which is recognised by the Qur’an:

“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)... (Surah al-Nisa, 129).

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“A man who marries more than one woman and then does not deal justly with them will be resurrected with half his faculties paralysed” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

However, this refers to aspects that are within the capacity of a man such as equal treatment with regards to social, economical and physical needs. As far as the inclination of the heart is concerned, then that is beyond the capacity of a man.

Wisdoms behind polygamy

There is much wisdom why men have been given the permission to polygamy. I would just like to mention a few:

2) It is a known fact that there are more women than men and that they have a longer life. More men die due to wars and other incidents. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

If we restricted men to having only one wife, then there would be many women without husbands. Especially, when a woman is divorced or she becomes a widow, at times it is very difficult for her to remarry. In permitting polygamy, there is a solution to this problem. These women will have someone to look after their social and economic needs.

2) At times, the wife is incapable of procreating and the husband desires to have children. Polygamy can also serve as a solution to this problem.

3) Some men are not satisfied with one woman. Recognising this need of a man, Islam permitted them to marry more than one wife, rather than falling into the trap of adultery and fornication.

In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

At times, the woman may not be able to fulfil the physical needs of her husband due too illness. By permitting polygamy, the door of extra-marital affairs is closed.

The above are just some of the reasons and wisdoms behind the permissibility of practicing polygamy. This is the decision of Allah, and we as Muslims must accept it.

Allah Most High says:

“It is not fitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have any option about their decision. If anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path”. (al-Ahzab, 36).

Therefore, in light of the above, if your farther was able to marry second time and he treats both his wives justly, then there is nothing Islamically wrong with that. The age gap is of no significance, as long as he is able to fulfil the rights of both wives.

It is his responsibility that he treats both his wives justly. Failure to do so will amount to a grave sin, as mentioned earlier. Explain to your mother and other family members that your farther should not be confronted with regards to his actions, as he has not committed a sin. Having patience will bring great rewards for your mother.

However, your mother has a right that she is treated justly with love and respect. Your farther should not forget all that she has done for him over the years. It will be difficult for your mother to swallow this, but the rewards for accepting this are immense and who knows, it could be a means for her to enter paradise. May Allah keep us all steadfast on Deen, Ameen.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK

[in_exile]

Umm....hold on....let me stop you right there...I beg to differ....working in the west ultimately means working FOR kuffar and UNDER kuffar, which ultimately means paying your taxes and financially benefiting these kuffar, which ultimately means funding the jahil governement of such western societies, which ultimately means sustaining their views and belief rather than working to change them...which is probably worse than following them...so I'm afraid working in the west isnt as straight forward as you seem to make out.....'utilising the financial benefits of the west' in a contradiction in itself.


Apart from that...in exile...the rest of your posts are hilarious!!! are they meant to be????? You seem to be exerting a lot of emotion. Maybe if you expressed your views once you are less emotional,they might make more sense.....
first of all as you sound like you have very limited intelligence let me explain some things to you first of all, I dont live in the west though I was born there, second of all im not currently working and Im not taking benefits so all that rubbish about supporting anyone is exactly that rubbish.

Yes the rest of my points are hillarious to some because some have very little knowledge about haram and halal in Islam.

Actually you know what this whole debate is nonsensical. Polygny in ISlam is halal the prophet (Saw) did it so did the sahaba do did the tabieen so did the majority of the ulema and mujahideen of the past so do many of the ulema and the mujahideen of today. Its good some sisters say they would never allow their husbands to do it, it means a lot of good husbands wont have to worry about westernised feminist wives as none will ever marry them alhamdulillah.

[Haz]

Please refer to my last two post. I have extracted two Fatwas relating to this issue.

To summarize what is said:


It is permissible to marry upto four women as long as he can treat them fairly.
You don't need the permission of the first wife to marry a second.
If a man is afraid that he will not be able to treat his wives justly if he marries more than one, then it is forbidden for him to marry more than one.
he should treat his wives equally in terms of spending, clothing, spending the night with them and other material things that are under his control.
With regard to justice or fairness in terms of love, he is not held accountable for that, and that is not required of him because he has no control over that
Please also read the section under the heading 'The wisdom behind permittingplural marriages'.

Lastly both men and women should fear Allah regarding this issue.

[Ebony]

Polygny in ISlam is halal the prophet (Saw) did it so did the sahaba do did the tabieen so did the majority of the ulema and mujahideen of the past so do many of the ulema and the mujahideen of today

Yes we know its halal. No-one stated otherwise. You seem to love chasing your own tail.

And that other jibe about women not finding good husbands (western feminist wives - like to define what you understand "feminism" to be?) is in bad taste indeed. Nice to know you care so much about your sisters in Islam :rolleyes:

[ummbilal]

Again, i notice that the word 'feminist' keeps popping up. Feminism is very complex, thus there are extensive studies on the topic. So stop talking about things you hardly have a clue about. As for people quickly condemning those sisters who refuse to have polygamous relations for personal preference, by saying 'you wouldn't say that about the Prophet' and so on. The prophet married more than 4, why don't you go and marry more than 4? According to some hadith, he had the sexual power of 30 men and could satisfy all his wives' sexual needs in one night. So before you open your mouth, i suggest you actually think through what you say.



I didn't even imply that a rich man can marry more than once and a poor man cannot. :) You seem to think, that if a man is rich, a woman will rush off and willingly be his second wife - and the implication i get is that you seem to think women are like prostitutes who are mesmerised at the sight of a man with lots of cash. If this is what you are implying, you are mistaken.



I did not imply it was a sin, and nor am i denying its permissibility. As for women being 'crazy' - thats nothing to do with you, and nor is it your business to put it frankly. A woman, any woman, is entitled to reject marriage proposals - be it from men who already are married or are single. And this is a woman's right, how about you comprehend that and acknowledge it rather than quickly saying 'she must be plain crazy'. What gives you the right to judge every polygamous marriage? Of course there are some that run smoothly, but there are also many in third world countries where men treat their women badly - and unequally. Not all are like that, but then saying that all polygamous marriages are successful is extremely naive and ignorant. You saying that a woman who rejects a polygamous