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:salams
hmm would you marry a person who has been divorced before?
if this thread has alredy been done can a mod plz merge it, thanx :D
:scratch:
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:01 PM
:salams
hmm would you marry a person who has been divorced before?
if this thread has alredy been done can a mod plz merge it, thanx :D
:scratch:
why not?
SoulAsylum
28-10-05, 03:01 PM
Thats a hard one, depends if you yourself are single or divorced. However i should'nt see a problem with marrying someone who has been divorced before, as long as both couples are happy with each other. There is too much of a stigma attached to marrying someone who has been divorced before in our culture.
i dont know, i dont think i could
:rubeyes:
SoulAsylum
28-10-05, 03:03 PM
i dont know, i dont think i could
:rubeyes:
Fair enough :D
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:08 PM
Get your intentions straight, you marrying someone because they were not married before.. why ? Do you consider such person "fresh"?
If your intentions were solemly only for Allahu SubhanuA Ta'ala then you would marry the person for their knowledge in Deen and characteristics, and not their status regards to being divorced or a "freshie".
I am sure there are "cool" divorced people out there, perhaps your talking about age. you mean old divorced person?
or even a young divorced person?
Check your intention. :)
its just that its ur first time that u get married n u want the other person to feel what ur feeling :s
maybe its jus me
jus wanted to know what ya'll think
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 03:18 PM
:wswrwb: sis
Maybe someone who has been divorced would appreciate you more and the importance of the marriage more and so would feel what you are feeling more intensely.
Even an unmarried person, how would you know if they "feel what ur feeling"?
SoulAsylum
28-10-05, 03:32 PM
:wswrwb: sis
Maybe someone who has been divorced would appreciate you more and the importance of the marriage more and so would feel what you are feeling more intensely.
Even an unmarried person, how would you know if they "feel what ur feeling"?
So true CW..........a person who has been married before would appreciate you more. They know what marriage is about, and how to be sensitive to their partners needs. Just because they have been divorced does'nt mean they are rejected and second hand goods. A lot are people are divorced and they are completely innocent, they are not to blame for the divorce.
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 03:34 PM
Divorce shouldn't always be seen in the context of blame either. Sometimes two people are just not right for each other and decide it is best to end the marriage rather than live life in misery and allow it to affect the other aspects of their life and deen.
As-Salafee
28-10-05, 03:37 PM
Salaam alaykum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh,
As long as she is pious and conscious about the struggle, so that she help me and I help her, and we both struggle together to please Allah (saw) and be rewarded with Jannah.
You really have to get your priorities straight. Remember we are travellers in this world, and travelling alone is the time when Shaytaan and his cronies jump you. Travel together so that you can watch each others backs...that is an effective strategy. 50 years and poof, you are done, you have done your obligations, get your Jannah Certificate, and please make your way down the Siraat on the left, at it's end you shall find the door of Jannah.
Alhumdulilah. Mission Complete.
Wa alaykum wa salaam wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh
would you marry a divorced person that had children :p
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:39 PM
Divorce shouldn't always be seen in the context of blame either. Sometimes two people are just not right for each other and decide it is best to end the marriage rather than live life in misery and allow it to affect the other aspects of their life and deen.
Because an unhealthy marriage does not only affect the two couples married, but their families aswell. If the misery and inconveniences will outweigh the good then your better of to call it quits in good terms.
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 03:41 PM
would you marry a divorced person that had children :p
That would be even better than marrying one without!
InshaAllah you would get emmense reward for rearing the child and providing the healthy family unit children need.
SoulAsylum
28-10-05, 03:47 PM
That would be even better than marrying one without!
InshaAllah you would get emmense reward for rearing the child and providing the healthy family unit children need.
I would'nt advise marrying someone with children for someone who is very young in terms of age and maturity. They got to know what bringing up children involves, and they got to be totally commited. They cant go in to it half hearted. Some people might marry someone with children just because they are in love with them and take the kids on as part of the deal which is wrong.
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:51 PM
ok the questions are getting too much for me... sorry i am leavin this thread..
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 03:53 PM
Maturity isn't necessarily dependant upon age and experience.
But you are right, children are a huge responsibility and often a strain on marriage so it would have to be very carefully thought out decision.
brothers would you marry a woman who was alot older than you, like 10 years older?
sisters would you marry a guy who was younger than you?
:D well u all love talking about marriage, by the time im done with this this thread ur all going to be sick of marriage :D
MalikOne™
28-10-05, 03:56 PM
brothers would you marry a woman who was alot older than you, like 10 years older?
As Aaliyah said...Age aint nuthin but a number
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 03:56 PM
Age isn't an issue as long as he can be a MAN, not a little whimpy kid in comparison to you, as long as he can take control, be assertive, decisive, protect and maintain you and make you feel like you are married to a MAN and not a boy.
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:57 PM
yes she can be 20yrs as far as i care, but plz under 40 please...
abdusamad
28-10-05, 03:57 PM
Age isn't an issue as long as he can be a MAN, not a little whimpy kid in comparison to you, as long as he can take control, be assertive, decisive, protect and maintain you and make you feel like you are married to a MAN and not a boy.
:rolleyes:
bumped into kids lately?
MalikOne™
28-10-05, 04:00 PM
ok the questions are getting too much for me... sorry i am leavin this thread..
:scratch:
abdusamad
28-10-05, 04:01 PM
:scratch:
ok not all of us are in the state of ..:inlove:
As Aaliyah said...Age aint nuthin but a number
did she say that when she was with r.kelly :torture:
MalikOne™
28-10-05, 04:03 PM
did she say that when she was with r.kelly :torture:
She was with r kelly? LOOOOOL... poor girl
Its an old skool tune....
Chained_Water
28-10-05, 04:03 PM
Can we keep celebrity dirt out of the thread inshaAllah :S ..it just lowers the tone of the discussion.
abdusamad
28-10-05, 04:05 PM
uhhh, i dont see the point of this thread now?
newnida
28-10-05, 04:33 PM
Salaams 2 all
Maashallah ppl r too knowledgeable as far as marriages r concerned.:up:
I ‘d just like 2 add that it has been said that if a person is marrying 4 the 1st time…
Its better 4 him 2 marry a single. I mean a spinster /bachelor.
Because if a person marries a window ..only 4 the “sawaab”..that is u’ll be awarded by Allah. Beshak the intentions r noble. but in future that person might feel he has done something wrong …because of the responsibilities …as u mentioned that the widow might have children …it will be a big responsibility..4 a bachelor.
& age difference doesn’t matter much. The only thing that is that the person must be
pious , a good Muslim , & the maturity of the person .
sisters would you become a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife??
would you marry a divorced person that had children :p
This divorced person its a woman or man?
abdusamad
28-10-05, 04:59 PM
obviously YOUR opposite gender.
ohh:embar: In the case of the divorced man with children its good if you find out why did she divorced from him. Sisters are generally very brave and sit long time inside of the marriage before to decide to walk away. You need to know much more about him. It would not be very nice to listen him how he rem about his ex wife: she did that in this way or other.
About to be 2 or 3 or 4 wife in my case its not an option at all. I was not raised in this way.
No i would not become a 2nd,3rd or 4th wife, personally i do not think having more than 1 wife in this day an age is reasonable.
In our noble prophet(saw) age this was reasonable as back then expectations were alot more different than today, and being equal to each wife was relevatively easy, however, today it is practically impossible to be equal to more than one wife.
Perhaps for some pious brothers who think helping a widow or a divorcee with financial assistance, but only that and no emotional or phsycial attachment then yes, but otherwie for me no.
So i suppose for me , no , never.
SoulAsylum
28-10-05, 05:31 PM
uhhh, i dont see the point of this thread now?
Me niether :rubeyes:
.: Anna :.
28-10-05, 09:01 PM
no cos I already married. I dnt wna swap him for a divorced person thanks :p
happy with the one I got :D hehe
newnida
29-10-05, 08:51 AM
sisters would you become a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife??
Salaams 2 all
Hey brother initially u were talking about …marrying a divorced person…now u asking us will we be 2nd ..3rd..4th wife……:rolleyes:
1st thing let us not say things out of thin air…
I mean not have negative opinions on the issues that the almighty Allah & his messenger (s) …has said they r halaal .
Beshak in today’s world it might not be possible 2 either be 2nd wife or 3rd wife 4 that matter. as in today’s world we have big egos..attitudes..demands…
May allah protect us …let us not have opposing views …as far as Islam is concerned .
May allah never tests us …in what so ever way.
..
Beshak in today’s world it might not be possible 2 either be 2nd wife or 3rd wife 4 that matter. as in today’s world we have big egos..attitudes..demands…
.
Its not about to have ego ..attitude. I understood over this years if do you want to do something good you can do it in a discrete way too. If brothers wants to help widows they can open a bank account and give her money in this way without to expect something in return. If they want to be generous let them to be.Its not need to know everyone that.
ur_yusra
29-10-05, 11:30 AM
If a man was divorced .. I would ask him the reason why..
personally I think men who have been in a marriage are much more mature then men who havent.. they have more life experience as well and with that maybe even more knowledge..
If he was practising (went to the masjid for every salaah including fajr etc...) and he had a nice personality then I would consider him.. although no guarantees my parents would.. but then pleasing your parents and pleasing yourself can often have contra-indications.. :rolleyes:
in_exile
29-10-05, 02:32 PM
nope I would not marry a divorced woman well unless i was divorced myself then i would marry a divorced or widowed woman . or if she was exceptional in the deen and i mean really exceptional
different strokes for different folks... can't expect your own marriage to be same as the next couple! :)
ummbilal
06-11-05, 06:12 AM
its just that its ur first time that u get married n u want the other person to feel what ur feeling :s
maybe its jus me
jus wanted to know what ya'll think
well they will never feel exactly what u're feeling but it will be the first time they marry u! and inshaallah their last marriage!
ummbilal
06-11-05, 06:15 AM
sisters would you become a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife??
hasnt this been done on another thread?
i'm married but if i wasnt then i would consider it yes.
janathi
06-11-05, 12:40 PM
Assalamualykum wrwb
Subhanallah I have gained so much knowledge from this thread.
Many poeple have diiferent opinions and are very open minded!
Alhamdulillah!
May Allah (swt) Guide you MMS to the right path and make decisions easier for you
Insha'allah
Wa'salaam
Aisha Aini
06-11-05, 03:16 PM
i dont know, i dont think i could
:rubeyes:
why? the Profet(saws) did it ecxatly to show that there`s no problem ! why should you not do it ? why should you act diferently with a woman just because she has been married and the marriege didn`t work out ? why ? what is the diference ? it seems that men prefer women that they can manipulate easier! but ther`s no needy of this ! we are all obidient belivers, if Allah(swt) allowed divorce and remarring , why should you not accept this ? it is very strange...
*IslamicGirl*
06-11-05, 04:49 PM
:start:
:salams
It's whatever Allah Almighty gives :)
If the br is divorced but he had a heart of gold then why not?
If the Brother had children and i was capabale- mentally and physically to look after them then sure- kiddies are gorgeous :inlove: and the reward to look after them SubhanAllah. :)
2nd, 3rd, 4th wife- i'm still working on this, i know Muhammad :saw: Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him married 9 times, but look at his :saw: character :inlove:- if there was a guy who had 10% of the personality and manners Muhammad :saw: Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him had and he asked me to be his fourth wife then i would accept :insha: .
I would find it better to be the 4th wife of a lovely br who follows Islam as best as he can than to be the one and only wife of an idiot- i wouldn't want someone like that heaping his attention on me solely.
:love: May Allah give us spouses who are the coolness of our burning hearts and the peace of our minds. AMEEN.:love:
:salams
Niqaabi
06-11-05, 04:57 PM
Wa alaikum was salaam
Would i marry someone who was previously married?
YES.
Would i marry someone who already has children.
Allahu Alim, marriage isnt something you can pick up and play with for a bit and then leave if you no longer like it.
That child will see you as its mother and confide in you and trust you and bond a relationship and feelings for you.
If :insha: i had the sabr and strength to take care of someone else's child and treat it like my own and not differentiate my children with that child because i didnt carry it for 9 months, then :insha: it would work out.
taking on someone else's child is a very difficult thing to do and Allah reward those that do mashaAllah.
abdusamad
06-11-05, 05:01 PM
:rolleyes:
Niqaabi
06-11-05, 05:02 PM
:rolleyes:
you got something to say bruv?
abdusamad
06-11-05, 05:15 PM
you got something to say bruv?
nah i posted that emoticon so i could save it... i was happening to read that thread ya post wasnt there when i posted it... sorry for the misunderstanding.
*IslamicGirl*
06-11-05, 05:22 PM
:start:
:salams
nah i posted that emoticon so i could save it... i was happening to read that thread ya post wasnt there when i posted it... sorry for the misunderstanding.
An MSN smilie perhaps? :D
:salams
.: Anna :.
06-11-05, 07:46 PM
:start:
:salams
It's whatever Allah Almighty gives :)
If the br is divorced but he had a heart of gold then why not?
If the Brother had children and i was capabale- mentally and physically to look after them then sure- kiddies are gorgeous :inlove: and the reward to look after them SubhanAllah. :)
2nd, 3rd, 4th wife- i'm still working on this, i know Muhammad :saw: Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him married 9 times, but look at his :saw: character :inlove:- if there was a guy who had 10% of the personality and manners Muhammad :saw: Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him had and he asked me to be his fourth wife then i would accept :insha: .
I would find it better to be the 4th wife of a lovely br who follows Islam as best as he can than to be the one and only wife of an idiot- i wouldn't want someone like that heaping his attention on me solely.
:love: May Allah give us spouses who are the coolness of our burning hearts and the peace of our minds. AMEEN.:love:
:salamsawwww ameen :inlove:
sweet dua
MivharMeni
06-11-05, 07:51 PM
Yeah.
Guardian Hijab
06-11-05, 08:08 PM
Asalamualaikum
I personally wouldn't, I believe in the whole 'virgin for virgin, and non virgin for non virgin'
Wa'alaikumasalam
Niqaabi
06-11-05, 10:59 PM
Asalamualaikum
I personally wouldn't, I believe in the whole 'virgin for virgin, and non virgin for non virgin'
Wa'alaikumasalam
i only believe in that if the person has commited adultry and not being married before.
in_exile
07-11-05, 04:25 PM
virgins are advised to marry virgins, the prophet (saw) himself advised the sahaba to marry virgins.
Divorced women tend to be more set in their ways and have different attitudes which is perhaps harder for a person who has not been married before to cope with, I presume the same is for divorced men.
Plus you dont get the same benefits out of marrying a divorcee as you do from marrying a virgin :rolleyes:
hasnt this been done on another thread?
i'm married but if i wasnt then i would consider it yes.
Are you his only one wife?:scratch:
Plus you dont get the same benefits out of marrying a divorcee as you do from marrying a virgin :rolleyes:
And what benefits would that be?
in_exile
08-11-05, 12:42 PM
And what benefits would that be?
what do u think :rolleyes:
what do u think :rolleyes:
If I knew, I wouldn't be asking now would I? :rolleyes:
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 04:50 PM
If I knew, I wouldn't be asking now would I? :rolleyes:
If you dont know then I dont think I should be telling you :rolleyes:
Maybe ill tell you but it depends are you a brother or a sister?
Im sure im not the only one wanting to know of these "benefits".
A sister if you must know, although I would've thought that was obvious :rolleyes:
SoulAsylum
08-11-05, 05:31 PM
If you dont know then I dont think I should be telling you :rolleyes:
Maybe ill tell you but it depends are you a brother or a sister?
This is just a misconception that marrying someone who is'nt a virgin your somehow getting second hand goods. This is just stupid. Obviously its the brothers who would'nt consider marrying a divorcee.
The sexual relationship you have with your wife/husband is something linked only to that relationship, its new and its not like the relationship the wife would have had with her ex husband. So what if shes not a virgin?? Shes still a women Is'nt she?? ;)
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:01 PM
Im sure im not the only one wanting to know of these "benefits".
A sister if you must know, although I would've thought that was obvious :rolleyes:
if your a sister then you dont need to know it doesnt effect you :rolleyes:
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 08:02 PM
well soul asylum.. its such ashame that some men have such a narrow attitude, sure one whose not been married before should marry someone whose also not been married before... but that doesnt mean they should saying stupid things about divorcees, that is what seperates the men from the boys and unfortunately there are too many boys around.. but thats ok because if I was a divorcee and a man wished to marry me at least I know i'd be marrying a MAN and not someone with a stupid attitude who was only thinking about one thing, I shall not name anyone in this case.... but further stupidity on 'their' part may call for exposure..
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:03 PM
This is just a misconception that marrying someone who is'nt a virgin your somehow getting second hand goods. This is just stupid. Obviously its the brothers who would'nt consider marrying a divorcee.
The sexual relationship you have with your wife/husband is something linked only to that relationship, its new and its not like the relationship the wife would have had with her ex husband. So what if shes not a virgin?? Shes still a women Is'nt she?? ;)
no bro I didnt say that they were second hand goods, their purity and the purity of the virgin is the same as one has not engaged in any relationship and the other only in an islamic enviroment. When you marry your wife is yours and no one elses no concept of second hand goods.
But but but but.... yes she is a woman no doubt... but are you errr how do I say this.... its not the same is it if you know what I mean :rolleyes:
well soul asylum.. its such ashame that some men have such a narrow attitude, sure one whose not been married before should marry someone whose also not been married before... but that doesnt mean they should saying stupid things about divorcees, that is what seperates the men from the boys and unfortunately there are too many boys around.. but thats ok because if I was a divorcee and a man wished to marry me at least I know i'd be marrying a MAN and not someone with a stupid attitude who was only thinking about one thing, I shall not name anyone in this case.... but further stupidity on 'their' part may call for exposure..
Yeh I think the thread is definately turning in to a stupid conversation, largely due the brothers. Funny how such a good question that started the thread and can be answered and discussed in an intelligent Islamic manner, has turned in to somthing completely different, because some men on this forum are obsessed with one thing and one thing only......its TOTALLY inappropiate and quite disgraceful actually...some of the brothers on the forum need to start taking this forum....no life....a little more seriously.....
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:11 PM
Yeh I think the thread is definately turning in to a stupid conversation, largely due the brothers. Funny how such a good question that started the thread and can be answered and discussed in an intelligent Islamic manner, has turned in to somthing completely different, because some men on this forum are obsessed with one thing and one thing only......its TOTALLY inappropiate and quite disgraceful actually...some of the brothers on the forum need to start taking this forum....no life....a little more seriously.....
we are discussing something which is important when considering marrying a non-virgin woman it is inline with the topic and if you want me to bring hadith that prophet (saw) advised to marry virgins for this reason then I will. If you dont like the discussion then feel free not to read or respond.
oh man this thread is still going on :|
my intention was to ask annoying questions so you all get fed up of talking about marriage
i see i have failed :(
no bro I didnt say that they were second hand goods, their purity and the purity of the virgin is the same as one has not engaged in any relationship and the other only in an islamic enviroment. When you marry your wife is yours and no one elses no concept of second hand goods.
But but but but.... yes she is a woman no doubt... but are you errr how do I say this.... its not the same is it if you know what I mean :rolleyes:
yeh id like to see you pull out a hadith encouraging such comments.......NO i think its clear that its about time you left...
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 08:16 PM
oh man this thread is still going on :|
my intention was to ask annoying questions so you all get fed up of talking about marriage
i see i have failed :(
no no no totally untrue... there are some people who NEVER get tired of expressing their sadistic opinions
Al-Mujaddidah
08-11-05, 08:22 PM
LOL MMS!
Maybe you should try another approach....maybe plan B? :D
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:23 PM
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith
Hadith 7.14
Narrated by Aisha I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: 'Aisha meant that Allah's Apostle had not married a virgin besides herself .)
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith
Hadith 7.14
Narrated by Aisha I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: 'Aisha meant that Allah's Apostle had not married a virgin besides herself .)
The hadith is valid no doubt. subhanAllah...but ermmm....urrrr....BUT exactly how does that back up your rather irrelevant comments that you made earlier regarding 'it not being the same' exactly???? May be you should go and find hadiths regarding the numerous sahaabah that married divorcees........i dont think any of these hadiths will refer to anything 'not being the same'..........I would advise you to think wisely before you choose your words and try to tie them in with ahadith in future.....
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 08:35 PM
The hadith is valid no doubt. subhanAllah...but ermmm....urrrr....BUT exactly how does that back up your rather irrelevant comments that you made earlier regarding 'it not being the same' exactly???? May be you should go and find hadiths regarding the numerous sahaabah that married divorcees........i dont think any of these hadiths will refer to anything 'not being the same'..........I would advise you to think wisely before you choose your words and try to tie them in with ahadith in future.....
:up: ... nawar i take it ur a sister... or are u just one of the few decent bros around..
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:37 PM
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 16:
Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah:
While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 16:
Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah:
While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region.
ERMMM...........that still dont back up your point....please stop trying......maybe its best you just stick to your 'its not the same wink wink comments'.............
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 08:45 PM
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 17:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:
When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?'
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 08:53 PM
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 17:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:
When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?'
u keep quoting hadith about virgins!!! but which hadith says u should refrain from marrying divorcees... anyway never mind... whatever u fancy, marry virgins , noone has a problem with that, but those who want to marry a divorcee dnt deter them
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 08:55 PM
u keep quoting hadith about virgins!!! but which hadith says u should refrain from marrying divorcees... anyway never mind... whatever u fancy, marry virgins , noone has a problem with that, but those who want to marry a divorcee dnt deter them
sorry i meant marry a virgin as opposed to virgins... I dnt think u'l be able to handle more then one woman..
u keep quoting hadith about virgins!!! but which hadith says u should refrain from marrying divorcees... anyway never mind... whatever u fancy, marry virgins , noone has a problem with that, but those who want to marry a divorcee dnt deter them
LOL................UR_YUSRA......my thoughts exactly.......LOL
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 09:01 PM
the hadiths say marry the virgins as opposed to the non-virgin.
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 09:15 PM
LOL................UR_YUSRA......my thoughts exactly.......LOL
u havent said wether ur a bro or sis... my curiosity is killing me.. I like ur comments though, ur well on target ... I think im gnna rep u.. keep up the good work
Al-Irhaab
08-11-05, 09:23 PM
u havent said wether ur a bro or sis... my curiosity is killing me.. I like ur comments though, ur well on target ... I think im gnna rep u.. keep up the good work
shes a sis cant u tell by her posts
shes a sis cant u tell by her posts
The Prophet (saw) was reclining in his house with his legs and thighs bared. Abu Bakr (rdn) and Umar (rdn) asked to enter.......and when they did...the Prophet (saw) remained in that position. They conversed with each other, and then Uthman (rdn) asked permission to enter. Immediately Rasool (saw) sat upright and covered himself .The Prophet (saw) and Uthman (rdn) conversed. When Uthman went out, I (Aisha rdn) asked , ' O messenger of Allah! Abu Bakr then Umar entered but you did not sit upright for them. But when Uthman entered..you sat upright and covered yourself?'
The Prophet (Saw) answered...' You do not want me to be shy in front of a man whom the angels feel shy of????' (MUSLIM)
We should aspire to have the character and shyness of sahabah like our beloved Uthman (rdn). THIS has been my point. In future, think carefully when discussing such sensitive issues and avoid making comments such as 'its not the same wink wink' As muslims we should address such topics which modesty, adhab, shyness and understanding.
I dont really wish to disclose whether I am a bro or a sis.......Ur_Yusra i'll tell you in private......Irhaab.....keep wondering
ur_yusra
08-11-05, 09:41 PM
The Prophet (saw) was reclining in his house with his legs and thighs bared. Abu Bakr (rdn) and Umar (rdn) asked to enter.......and when they did...the Prophet (saw) remained in that position. They conversed with each other, and then Uthman (rdn) asked permission to enter. Immediately Rasool (saw) sat upright and covered himself .The Prophet (saw) and Uthman (rdn) conversed. When Uthman went out, I (Aisha rdn) asked , ' O messenger of Allah! Abu Bakr then Umar entered but you sit not sit upright for them. But when Uthman entered..you sat upright and covered yourself?'
The Prophet (Saw) answered...' You do not want me to be shy in front of a man whom the angels feel shy of????' (MUSLIM)
We should aspire to have the character and shyness of sahabah like our beloved Uthman (rdn). THIS has been my point. In future, think carefully when discussing such sensitive issues and avoid making comments such as 'its not the same wink wink' As muslims we should address such topics which modesty, adhab, shyness and understanding.
I dont really wish to disclose whether I am a bro or a sis.......Ur_Yusra i'll tell you in private......Irhaab.....keep wondering
yes the way that the topic at hand is being addressed is jahil to say the least...
Another Hadith in praise of modesty quotes the Prophet (saw) as saying: "Modesty is part of faith, and faith leads to heaven; while vulgarity is part of unfaith, and unfaith leads to hell." (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim).
"The Prophet (saw) said: ‘Modesty brings nothing but good.’
so from this we see the IMPORTANCE OF BEING MODEST... WHICH SOME BROTHERS LACK UNFORTUNATELY..
i think its really quite interesting that people have said outright that they will or will not marry certain people of mental or physical dispositions. Can i ask, how do you know who you are going to fall for or who Allah (swt) has in line for you?
If a person has a mental or physical difference, it does not make them any less human. Sure, society is belligerant in casting them aside, but that doesnt mean that Muslims should follow what society pursues.
Now, topics on this forum always digress to the issue of sex without people openly admitting it. Marrying a virgin or not marrying a virgin. Who cares, if she is the one which you like and she likes you (which judging from the responses on this thread, will be the difficullt part), then marry. Otherwise, dont make judgements about non virgin or virgin women.
jimm
if your a sister then you dont need to know it doesnt effect you :rolleyes:
I can't recall where it says matters of the Deen are applicable to one sex or the other :rolleyes:
Do you side with the opinion that divorced individuals are "2nd hand goods"?
Or maybe its because you find them intimidating? :rolleyes:
I can't recall where it says matters of the Deen are applicable to one sex or the other :rolleyes:
Do you side with the opinion that divorced individuals are "2nd hand goods"?
Or maybe its because you find them intimidating? :rolleyes:
we are all humans and we make mistakes, is that so hard to forgive? :)
Al-Irhaab
14-11-05, 12:40 PM
I can't recall where it says matters of the Deen are applicable to one sex or the other :rolleyes:
Do you side with the opinion that divorced individuals are "2nd hand goods"?
Or maybe its because you find them intimidating? :rolleyes:
I do find divorced women intimidating, it takes a lot more to please them and to handle them.
Some matters of the deen are more applicable to one sex more then another.
Divorced individuals are not second hand goods and astagfirullah I have never said this. What I did say was their is a difference between marrying a virgin and marrying a non-virgin, both from the males side and the females side, however it is much more pronounced when a male marries a non-virgin female.
In regards to this it is also a matter of personal taste, what the prophet (Saw) did was to give advice on a certain topic he did not in anyway make it binding although it is rewardable if you do it.
In terms of defects, it is again about personal choice, like inshallah I would not have a problem marrying a disabled woman but I would not marry an obese woman, it is my personal choice. Or if I liked someone and I found out she could not have kids I would marry her but knowing I would marry again for kids.
Al-Irhaab
14-11-05, 12:41 PM
I dont really wish to disclose whether I am a bro or a sis.......Ur_Yusra i'll tell you in private......Irhaab.....keep wondering
your a sis I already know nothing to wonder about :rolleyes: the writing under your name explains all.
I do find divorced women intimidating, it takes a lot more to please them and to handle them.
Some matters of the deen are more applicable to one sex more then another.
Divorced individuals are not second hand goods and astagfirullah I have never said this. What I did say was their is a difference between marrying a virgin and marrying a non-virgin, both from the males side and the females side, however it is much more pronounced when a male marries a non-virgin female.
In regards to this it is also a matter of personal taste, what the prophet (Saw) did was to give advice on a certain topic he did not in anyway make it binding although it is rewardable if you do it.
In terms of defects, it is again about personal choice, like inshallah I would not have a problem marrying a disabled woman but I would not marry an obese woman, it is my personal choice. Or if I liked someone and I found out she could not have kids I would marry her but knowing I would marry again for kids.
it's all in the mind...
Al-Irhaab
14-11-05, 01:41 PM
it's all in the mind...
:rolleyes:
I do find divorced women intimidating, it takes a lot more to please them and to handle them.
.
I agree with that but you should begin with the fact their heart and feelings were already destroyed by a man, so each woman ,deep inside, keep the trace of the mens which entered in their life. They can't speak or act like an innocent girl which has no clue what means to live with a man. With other words they are not anymore naives.
Al-Irhaab
14-11-05, 03:41 PM
I agree with that but you should begin with the fact their heart and feelings were already destroyed by a man, so each woman ,deep inside, keep the trace of the mens which entered in their life. They can't speak or act like an innocent girl which has no clue what means to live with a man. With other words they are not anymore naives.
im not blaming them im just stating that it is harder to deal with a wife who has been divorced already then one who has no experiance of marriage. That is one of the reasons a divorcee does not need her parents consent to marry again.
sick of marriage yet?? :P
lonely_me
15-11-05, 09:22 AM
sick of marriage yet??
Not really... just sick of people theorizing marriage
sick of marriage yet?? :P
well it depends whether you are married or not LOL
Not really... just sick of people theorizing marriage
ya... and also it's always about 'what i want' and seldom 'what i give' LOL
Al-Irhaab
17-11-05, 12:07 PM
its all about how much attention you give and how much abuse you put up with if your the husband of course :rolleyes:
ur_yusra
17-11-05, 03:03 PM
its all about how much attention you give and how much abuse you put up with if your the husband of course :rolleyes:
so what ur saying basically is a wife has to put up with non of that because men dont need attention AND they would never DREAM and cannot even COMPREHEND giving abuse...??
Al-Irhaab
17-11-05, 08:32 PM
men need the attention but good men dont give out abuse wheras good women still give out abuse :rolleyes:
lonely_me
19-11-05, 07:25 PM
sisters would you marry a guy who is younger than you?
No.
No.
No.
ur_yusra
19-11-05, 08:51 PM
I personally would not marry someone younger then me... its hard enough finding someone with a decent level of maturity whose OLDER then u these days let alone younger then u.. erm.. if u get my point.
.: hayat :.
25-10-06, 09:34 AM
:salams
hmm would you marry a person who has been divorced before?
if this thread has alredy been done can a mod plz merge it, thanx :D
:scratch:
i think i would...
.: hayat :.
25-10-06, 09:37 AM
Are you his only one wife?:scratch:
why amaized..?it must all man have more than one wife?
.: hayat :.
25-10-06, 09:38 AM
brothers would you marry a woman who was alot older than you, like 10 years older?
sisters would you marry a guy who was younger than you?
:D well u all love talking about marriage, by the time im done with this this thread ur all going to be sick of marriage :D
i would not marry a younger bro..
.: hayat :.
25-10-06, 09:39 AM
sisters would you become a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife??
nope..no way..no..not..la!!!!!!!!
tuliiip
25-10-06, 03:42 PM
:salams
hmm would you marry a person who has been divorced before?
if this thread has alredy been done can a mod plz merge it, thanx :D
:scratch:
why not !!
if he is a great person :)
Al Qadr
25-10-06, 03:44 PM
As long as his ex wife aint a maniac :eek: and if she is well n truly out the picture
lol why has this been bumped u guys do realise i only created this to annoy ppl so theyd shut up about marriage lol hence the silly questions to get on ppl's nerves :wacko:
it was mimicking the would u marry this person would u marry that person sorta threads that still go on till today
lol why has this been bumped u guys do realise i only created this to annoy ppl so theyd shut up about marriage lol hence the silly questions to get on ppl's nerves :wacko:
it was mimicking the would u marry this person would u marry that person sorta threads that still go on till today
u stirrer :torture: :torture: :torture: :torture: :torture: :torture:
**blu eyez**
25-10-06, 04:31 PM
i aint gettin marrid :D :D :D
AnisahDavid
26-10-06, 12:27 AM
Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu, I think it is an interesting thing that needs to be discussed, not only here but in the masjids around the world.
As a former marriage-match-maker, I came across this issue alot. It was amazing to me how many of our Muslim men want virgins or at least someone they can pretend to others was a virgin.
I mean "pretend" because they would ask for a woman who doesn't have kids, so that no one else would need to know she was ever married before.
All I can say is that there are a whole lot of men, including divorced men, who need to live alone for a long long long long time; so that they can learn to appreciate the relationship of marriage. Its not about "conquering" her in the bedroom.
It shouldn't be about image or ego either. The prophet :saw: married a NON-Virgin when he was a virgin! He later married divorced women & only ONE virgin. So why do so many men in the less pious modern age think they "deserve" more than the Prophet :saw:?
I went through the experience as a convert of first dealing with a "husband" who used me for my citizenship. Lied that my kids where his (amongst the Muslims) though he never supported us financially. Once I learned my rights in Islam, I divorced him because it was my right to.
I've also seen the ones who want to hide the divorced woman's kids from their families back home.
Divorced women are no "WORSE" than divorced men, but unfortunately too many cultural communities have chosen to adopt their kufr pre-Islamic traditions and mistreat their divorced & widowed women as though they are deceases!
Alhumdulillah, my brother (sibling, who also embraced Islam) has a beautiful Muslimah as a wife now, because he sought out a divorced or widowed Muslimah when it came time to marry. She's from Singapore & was a widow with three children.
Perhaps, its issues like these that make our Ummah truly weak. Our Muslim men have been more concerned with the issue of veils and hijabs (mind you I believe in hijab) rather than the social issues of proper treatment & support of the women they are NOT married to!
Perhaps if sheikhs and imams focused on the real social issues, and began teaching the men their responsibilities to the women in the community -- ALLAH would bless our ummah with success.
.: hayat :.
26-10-06, 08:12 AM
Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu, I think it is an interesting thing that needs to be discussed, not only here but in the masjids around the world.
As a former marriage-match-maker, I came across this issue alot. It was amazing to me how many of our Muslim men want virgins or at least someone they can pretend to others was a virgin.
I mean "pretend" because they would ask for a woman who doesn't have kids, so that no one else would need to know she was ever married before.
All I can say is that there are a whole lot of men, including divorced men, who need to live alone for a long long long long time; so that they can learn to appreciate the relationship of marriage. Its not about "conquering" her in the bedroom.
It shouldn't be about image or ego either. The prophet :saw: married a NON-Virgin when he was a virgin! He later married divorced women & only ONE virgin. So why do so many men in the less pious modern age think they "deserve" more than the Prophet :saw:?
I went through the experience as a convert of first dealing with a "husband" who used me for my citizenship. Lied that my kids where his (amongst the Muslims) though he never supported us financially. Once I learned my rights in Islam, I divorced him because it was my right to.
I've also seen the ones who want to hide the divorced woman's kids from their families back home.
Divorced women are no "WORSE" than divorced men, but unfortunately too many cultural communities have chosen to adopt their kufr pre-Islamic traditions and mistreat their divorced & widowed women as though they are deceases!
Alhumdulillah, my brother (sibling, who also embraced Islam) has a beautiful Muslimah as a wife now, because he sought out a divorced or widowed Muslimah when it came time to marry. She's from Singapore & was a widow with three children.
Perhaps, its issues like these that make our Ummah truly weak. Our Muslim men have been more concerned with the issue of veils and hijabs (mind you I believe in hijab) rather than the social issues of proper treatment & support of the women they are NOT married to!
Perhaps if sheikhs and imams focused on the real social issues, and began teaching the men their responsibilities to the women in the community -- ALLAH would bless our ummah with success.
yeah....this makes me think that things r not so bad for..........................
Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu, I think it is an interesting thing that needs to be discussed, not only here but in the masjids around the world.
As a former marriage-match-maker, I came across this issue alot. It was amazing to me how many of our Muslim men want virgins or at least someone they can pretend to others was a virgin.
I mean "pretend" because they would ask for a woman who doesn't have kids, so that no one else would need to know she was ever married before.
All I can say is that there are a whole lot of men, including divorced men, who need to live alone for a long long long long time; so that they can learn to appreciate the relationship of marriage. Its not about "conquering" her in the bedroom.
It shouldn't be about image or ego either. The prophet :saw: married a NON-Virgin when he was a virgin! He later married divorced women & only ONE virgin. So why do so many men in the less pious modern age think they "deserve" more than the Prophet :saw:?
I went through the experience as a convert of first dealing with a "husband" who used me for my citizenship. Lied that my kids where his (amongst the Muslims) though he never supported us financially. Once I learned my rights in Islam, I divorced him because it was my right to.
I've also seen the ones who want to hide the divorced woman's kids from their families back home.
Divorced women are no "WORSE" than divorced men, but unfortunately too many cultural communities have chosen to adopt their kufr pre-Islamic traditions and mistreat their divorced & widowed women as though they are deceases!
Alhumdulillah, my brother (sibling, who also embraced Islam) has a beautiful Muslimah as a wife now, because he sought out a divorced or widowed Muslimah when it came time to marry. She's from Singapore & was a widow with three children.
Perhaps, its issues like these that make our Ummah truly weak. Our Muslim men have been more concerned with the issue of veils and hijabs (mind you I believe in hijab) rather than the social issues of proper treatment & support of the women they are NOT married to!
Perhaps if sheikhs and imams focused on the real social issues, and began teaching the men their responsibilities to the women in the community -- ALLAH would bless our ummah with success.
mashallah sis, you would get a rep if i had any left :)
I probably would marry a man who's been divorced. But I wouldn't marry someone who has a track record of getting divorced. A serial divorcer looks like someone who takes the whole idea of marriage too lightly.. ;)
scribble
26-10-06, 01:29 PM
I wouldn't mind if he had been divorced niether would I mind him being younger than me :D Quite frankly marrying someone younger than me could be quite coolness. :D He could work for longer, innit. :p
As a former marriage-match-maker, I came across this issue alot. It was amazing to me how many of our Muslim men want virgins or at least someone they can pretend to others was a virgin.
I mean "pretend" because they would ask for a woman who doesn't have kids, so that no one else would need to know she was ever married before.
Whats the big deal about marrying someone who hasn't married before and som1 who has.
If the person whos been married has had kids then it can be a set back he might not be able to provide for them, but in the other case .. i dont understand some ppl
umme ahmed
26-10-06, 06:05 PM
lol why has this been bumped u guys do realise i only created this to annoy ppl so theyd shut up about marriage lol hence the silly questions to get on ppl's nerves :wacko:
it was mimicking the would u marry this person would u marry that person sorta threads that still go on till today
sis why would you want to put people off discussing an important sunnah?
i agree some of the threads people start are ridiculous such as.... " would you mind if your hubby was 0.75 inches shorter than you, weighed 1.5 stones more than his BMI, and had a huge collection of mickey mouse socks", but some important aspects of marriage need to be discussed, no?
Ibn-e-Muslim
26-10-06, 07:45 PM
do our opinion realy count here or matters directly to any1?
as far as i think being a muslim 1 shudnt b bothered about a girl been married/widow/with kids as far as both boy n girl has no prob to in geting married
if i find a widow n i find my self n her comfertable to spend our rest of the life togather than iv no prob getting marry to her
btw it all depends on time which 1 u find 1st the virgin or the widow n feel OK to continue ur life with
Sunnah4UShia4Me
19-04-08, 02:40 PM
i think that marring a divorced woman would b the best thing u could do, cuz thn u gona mak her insha'allah feel valueble and help her out again:) i bet she had a broken heart olready so b easy on our muslim ladies:)
Sunnah4UShia4Me
19-04-08, 02:44 PM
:salams
hmm would you marry a person who has been divorced before?
if this thread has alredy been done can a mod plz merge it, thanx :D
:scratch:
i think that marring a divorced woman would b the best thing u could do, cuz thn u gona mak her insha'allah feel valueble and help her out again:) i bet she had a broken heart olready so b easy on our muslim ladies:)
faishaan
20-04-08, 08:56 AM
i wouldnt mind marrying a devorced woman as long as she dont have kids from her previous marrige :D
just kiddin even if she has kids i would still marry her :D
Its great to see most ppl on the internet saying how they wouldnt mind marrying a person who has been divorced (w/ or w/o kids).
Its a realy shame that in the REAL world, it doesnt happen. Most ppl end up marrying quite the opposite in fact.
Ignatius F. Peace
20-04-08, 05:45 PM
I'm getting divorced ... I don't think I will ever get married again though ...
Chained_Water
20-04-08, 06:02 PM
I'm getting divorced ... I don't think I will ever get married again though ...
There is always hope Iggy.. amazing things can happen to people at any point in life.. life can take on a whole new meaning, and that's especially true when you're going through tough times and thinking it's all over.
You should take your shahadah Iggy.. if you believe that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad saw was His Messenger and final prophet.. 'scuse the blatant dawah but you're a slow coach and it needs to be said.. wholeheartedly and sincerely accept Islam and I swear it will turn your life around and give you peace..
..and we'd totally find you a wife :up:
the_middle_road
20-04-08, 06:42 PM
There is always hope Iggy.. amazing things can happen to people at any point in life.. life can take on a whole new meaning, and that's especially true when you're going through tough times and thinking it's all over.
You should take your shahadah Iggy.. if you believe that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad saw was His Messenger and final prophet.. 'scuse the blatant dawah but you're a slow coach and it needs to be said.. wholeheartedly and sincerely accept Islam and I swear it will turn your life around and give you peace..
..and we'd totally find you a wife :up:
:rotfl:
Very subtle.
scribble
20-04-08, 06:44 PM
lol. I love her.
That made me smile and laugh, you made me smile and laugh CW! :D
Aww, but Inshallah, then we'll have reverted another person. Mwhahaha!
Chained_Water
20-04-08, 06:55 PM
:rotfl:
Very subtle.
I can't be subtle with Iggy, sorry :(
He needs the subtlety of a sledgehammer.. or we'll be here forever :o
..I've already thought for about two years that Iggy will be our brother in Islam soon ..and thus far he's proved me wrong :torture:
There is always hope Iggy.. amazing things can happen to people at any point in life.. life can take on a whole new meaning, and that's especially true when you're going through tough times and thinking it's all over.
You should take your shahadah Iggy.. if you believe that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad saw was His Messenger and final prophet.. 'scuse the blatant dawah but you're a slow coach and it needs to be said.. wholeheartedly and sincerely accept Islam and I swear it will turn your life around and give you peace..
..and we'd totally find you a wife :up:
:rotfl: :rotfl: you are way too much CW but i love you! lol classic.
Chained_Water
20-04-08, 07:01 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl: you are way too much CW but i love you! lol classic.
You lot all picking me? :( ..I'm just tellin the dude he's welcome in the family..
Iggy, you know you want to.. stop living in denial, you ain't getting any younger you know :outta:
..and besides any of us could drop dead any minute ..and you know you wanna be raised up with the ummah of Rasool Allah [saw] and drink from the Prophetic Fount inshaAllah :D
You lot all picking me? :( ..I'm just tellin the dude he's welcome in the family..
Iggy, you know you want to.. stop living in denial, you ain't getting any younger you know :outta:
..and besides any of us could drop dead any minute ..and you know you wanna be raised up with the ummah of Rasool Allah [saw] and drink from the Prophetic Fount inshaAllah :D
No im not making fun of you sweety :smack: lol i think ya fab :inlove:
Iggy shes right ya know! :( you know you want to- youre in denial. You and cashew both :D :hidban:
We will make lots and lots of duaa for you both but honestly.. you know you just gotta believe and do it! :hidban:
Chained_Water
20-04-08, 07:08 PM
erm.. you think I scared him away? :o
Iggggggggggy, come back.. we don't drag you to the masjid at gun point.. promise :D
we'll use a sword instead.. more authentic :up:
:p
erm.. you think I scared him away? :o
Iggggggggggy, come back.. we don't drag you to the masjid at gun point.. promise
we'll use a sword instead.. more authentic :up:
:p
:rotfl: ohh come of it- we all know Iggy doesnt scare that easily... then again, maybe this time you just pushed it all abit too far this time!
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