Falling Victim

[AbuMubarak]

In the Name of Allah, most Compassionate, most Merciful
Gheebah
Shariffa Carlo
http://www.islammessage.com/en/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=183&mode=thread&order=0&thold=-1
Living in non-Muslim societies, it is easy for us to fall into the habits and customs of these lands. We start to set our moral compasses in relation to theirs. Sometimes, we go so far as to think that if what we are doing is better than what they are doing, its acceptable. While this may be true in a society of honorable people, in this society where the woman who wears a one-piece bathing suit instead of a bikini is considered modest, we can not use them to set our compasses.

We have to set our standards much higher. They have to correspond with the teachings and understandings of Islam.
Also, we have to recognize that when it comes to morality and values,
Islam is the standard. Want to know a prime example? Ever heard of the Golden Rule? It says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sound familiar? It should, the Prophet stated the same basic thing.
He said, Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 2, Number 12.
What about the statement, " If you can't say something good, say nothing at all." Here it is in our beloved Prophet's words.
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (or insult) his neighbor..." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 482.
All this goes to preface the idea that we have to care about each other in a way that is in line with Islam, not the lessor standards of the non-believers. Let them follow us.
When we think of gheebah (gossip, backbiting), most of us think that this is the speech as defined by the non-believers - saying something negative about someone - whether truthful or not. But Islam has given it a stronger definition:
Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: Do you know what is backbiting?
They (the Companions) said: Allah and His Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) know best.
Thereupon, he (the Prophet) said. "Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner that he does not like.
" It was said to him, "What is your opinion about this that if I actually find (that failing) in my brother which I made a mention of? He said, "If (that failing) is actually found (in him)
what you assert, you in fact backbiten him, and if that is not in him it is a slander. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6265, Abu Dawud, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, others...
and Al-Muttalib ibin Abdullah said, "The Messenger of Allah said, 'Gheebah (gossip, backbiting) means that a man mentions about a person something which is true, behind his back."(Al_Suyuti, Zawa'id Al Jami from the report of al Khara'iti in Masawi Al Akhlaq. Malik reported something similar with a Mursal Isnad as mentioned in Al-Sahihah, No. 1992)
Just imagine the high standards that Islam has set, that this horrible sin is not even confined just to the oral or written statement.
Hasan Ibin Al Makhaariq reported that "Once a woman visited Aisha and when the woman got up to leave,
Aisha made a sign with her hand indicating to the Prophet that the woman was short.
The Prophet immediately chastised her, saying, "You have backbitten!" (Ibin Jareer tafseer Al Quraan al AdHeem, vol. 4, p. 328)
and Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: I said to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him): It is enough for you in Safiyyah that she is such and such (the other version than Musaddad's has:) meaning that she was short-statured. He replied; You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it... Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4857:
Here we can see that Gheebah (gossiping, backbiting) is also what we do that a person may dislike if done in reference to them.
This is a serious sin. I know it is easy to underestimate its worth, but Allah has warned us about it in His Glorious Book,
O you who believe! Avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others.
Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful. 49:12
Allah described backbiting as an act of eating our brothers or sisters flesh. But don't think of this as only metaphorical. Our beloved prophet proved this to us in one of his great miracles.
Ubaid, the freed slave of the Prophet, reported that someone came to the Prophet and showed the Prophet two women who were fasting and said that they were dying of thirst.
The Prophet turned away silently refusing to give permission for them to break their fast. So, the man begged him again, mentioning that the women were on the verge of death. The Prophet then said, bring them to me and bring along a bowl. When they turned to him, he turned to one and told her to vomit in the bowl.
She complied, spitting up a mixture of vomit, blood, pus and pieces of flesh which half filled the bowl. He then turned to the other and had her do the same.
After the bowl was filled, he said, "Verily these two have fasted from what Allah has made halal for them and broken their fast from what Allah has made haram. They spent their fast eatting the flesh of others." Ahmad
These women gave up food and drink - halal substances, and instead partook of the flesh of their brothers and sisters. So distasteful was this fare that it made them sick to the point of near death. Subhanallah!
Further, our scholars have warned us and have warned us to repent from it: Al Qurtubi said, "The scholars agree that it is a major sin, and that the committing of this sin necessitates repentance (tawbah) to Allah" (Al-Qurtubi, Tafsir of Surat Al Hujirat).
The Prophet has warned us of great punishments which may befall us as a result of committing this sin:
Narrated AbuBarzah al-Aslami: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: O community of people, who believed by their tongue, and belief did not enter their hearts, do not back-bite Muslims, and do not search for their faults, for if anyone searches for their faults,
Allah will search for his fault, and if Allah searches for the fault of anyone, He disgraces him in the open for everyone to see, even if he hid it in the innermost part of his house.
Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4862, Sahih Sunan Al Tirmidhi (1655), Ibin Hiban, Hasan by Al Albani, Ghaybah al-Muram, 420
See, we talk about others, exposing them and Allah gives us a taste of our own medicine - exposing us. Which of us has no secret which would harm us if exposed? Who among us can afford to risk this punishment? Allah Protect us form his Wrath.
We have to be very careful. Remember, on the day of Judgement, Allah may forgive us the sins we committed against Him, but He will not take away our rights as individuals.
A person will have the right to take our good deeds or even give us their bad deeds because of crimes we have committed against them. One of these crimes is gheebah, where we sacrifice the honor of our brothers and sisters.
Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth.
He (the Prophet) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one
(who suffered at his hand).
And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6251
Let's reflect on this. Here we are. We thought we were doing good. We prayed. We fasted. We worked hard on doing good deeds. Yet, there we will be on the day of Judgement.
We will have survived all of the horrible trials, the judgement, the bridge and the huge thorns which snatch us according to our deeds and throws us into Hell. (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 577). We will have been through all this, only to lose all our good deeds because we could not or would not control our tongue.
On this day, we will stand there and be asked by those whom we harmed for their rights. A person whom we have backbitten may take that one crucial deed that means Heaven or Hell.
How many deeds can you afford to GIVE away? Personally, I don't feel that I can spare one.
Subhanallah! On this day, the mother will drop her load.
Your mom will not know you or care about you! Your mother!
The Prophets will be saying, "I am not fit for that" The Prophets, what chance do you or I have??? We must not give ourselves so much credit that we actually have the gall to believe that we can afford to give away even one deed. Allah protect us all.
This is a major sin that we have to guard against. We can not allow ourselves to fall into it. Allah warns us that nothing will be hidden on that day. We will have even our limbs speaking against us or for us:
Allah says,
On the day when their tongues and their hands and their feet shall bear witness against them as to what they did. 24:24
And Our Prophet warns us to be careful of our tongues, what we say. He also encouraged us with the rewards we get for doing so.
Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 481:
and
Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: The servant (whose fault) Allah conceals in this world, Allah would also conceal (his faults on the Day of Resurrection. Muslim: Book 31, Number 6266
and Narrated Uqbah ibn Amir:: Whoever covers the faults of believer is like one who has brought to life a female child buried alive. Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4873
Mashallah. The rewards are so great. We should be so careful in this matter to avoid the punishment and to receive the great blessings.
There are a few situations where it is allowed for us to talk about something, but these are limited. Here are a few allowed situations:
Marital advice or protection from possible harm: Fatimah bint Qays went to the Prophet seeking marital advice when both Muawiyah Ibin Abu Sufyan and Abu Jahm had proposed to her.
The Prophet told her, "Muawiyah is stingy and tight fisted) and Abu Jahm beats his women." So marry Usamah instead. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, At Tirmidhi, An Nisai, and Ibin Majah
Complaint: Narrated 'Aisha: Hind, the mother of Mu'awiya said to Allah's Apostle, "Abu Sufyan (her husband) is a miser.
Am I allowed to take from his money secretly?" The Prophet said to her, "You and your sons may take what is sufficient reasonably and fairly."Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 34, Number 413:
Seeking advice from someone who has the power to help: Abu Hurayrah narrated that a man said, ""O Messenger of Allah! I have a neighbor who is harassing me.
" He said, "Go and put your belongings on the street." So, the man went and put his belongings on the street. People gathered and asked, "What's wrong with you?" He said, "I have a neighbor who is harassing me; I told the Prophet about it and he told me to go and put my belongings in the street." The people began to say, "O Allah Curse him! (about the neighbor). the neighbor heard about this so he came to the man and told him, "Go back into your house, by Allah I will not disturb you again." Bukhari: Adab Al Mufrad 124 (Al Mundhiri classified its isnad as Hasan in Targhib wal Tarhib)
Now, once we have seen this, we have to reflect upon it.
What if we have committed gheebah, what should we do? Well, Al Nawawi said, "The Ulama have said that if you have committed Gheebah, then ask forgiveness for it. Commenting on this, Shiekh Al Albaani said, "This is if you do not fear any worse evil to result from askinf him for forgiveness; otherwise, it is enough to pray for him.' (Gossip and its adverse effects on the Muslim Community, Husayn Al Awayishah, 76).
So, how do we repent from this awful deed? We have to first ask Allah to forgive us and make a decision to not repeat it.
Then, we go to the person, if possible, and ask them to forgive us. Remember, Allah will forgive us his right, if we ask sincerely, but He will not remove a right from a believer. So we must ask the believer for his forgiveness as well.
One last note: What shall we do if we are in a situation where others are backbiting? We have to first remember Allah, and have them do so as well by advising them nicely.
If this does not work, we must leave, because sitting there and listening is as bad as doing the deed. For the scholars agree that a person who is in attendance when a sin is being committed is as guilty as the ones who are committing the sin.
Your presence is a kind of approval of the deed. If your friends are angry with you for not participating in their sins, they are not really friends. Why would they want to harm you? Your deen? or hurt your chances to get to Paradise? Also, remember in doing so, you are protecting the honor of your brother or sister, and look to the reward of doing so:
The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will deflect fire from the face of one who defends his Muslim brother's honor in the latter's absence." At Tirmidhi
O Allah! Guard our tongues. O Allah! Guard our actions. O Allah! Forgive us our sins against You and ease the hearts of those we have harmed so that they too will forgive us. Ameen

[AbuMubarak]

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem

In the Name of Almighty Allah,
Most Beneficent, Most Merciful

[Dr. Jerald Dirks was at a Toronto conference with Dr. Munir last week.
“The Cross and the Crescent” and “Understanding Islam”
are two of his books.
“Islam - Our Choice” is authored by
Dr. Dirks’ wife Debra Dirks & Stephanie Parlove.]


A CHRISTIAN MINISTER’S CONVERSION TO ISLAM
(Abu Yahya) Jerald F. Dirks, M.Div., Psy.D.

One of my earliest childhood memories is of hearing the church bell toll for
Sunday morning worship in the small, rural town in which I was raised. The
Methodist Church was an old, wooden structure with a bell tower, two children’s
Sunday School classrooms cubbyholed behind folding, wooden doors to separate it
from the sanctuary, and a choir loft that housed the Sunday school classrooms
for the older children. It stood less than two blocks from my home. As the
bell rang, we would come together as a family, and make our weekly pilgrimage
to the church.

In that rural setting from the 1950s, the three churches in the town of about
500 were the centre of community life. The local Methodist Church, to which my
family belonged, sponsored ice cream socials with hand-cranked, homemade ice
cream, chicken potpie dinners, and corn roasts. My family and I were always
involved in all three, but each came only once a year. In addition, there was
a two-week community Bible school every June, and I was a regular attendee
through my eighth grade year in school. However, Sunday morning worship and
Sunday school were weekly events, and I strove to keep extending my collection
of perfect attendance pins and of awards for memorizing Bible verses.

By my junior high school days, the local Methodist Church had closed, and we
were attending the Methodist Church in the neighbouring town, which was only
slightly larger than the town in which I lived. There, my thoughts first began
to focus on the ministry as a personal calling. I became active in the
Methodist Youth Fellowship, and eventually served as both a district and a
conference officer. I also became the regular “preacher” during the annual
Youth Sunday service. My preaching began to draw community-wide attention, and
before long I was occasionally filling pulpits at other churches, at a nursing
home, and at various church-affiliated youth and ladies groups, where I
typically set attendance records.

By age 17, when I began my freshman year at Harvard College, my decision to
enter the ministry had solidified. During my freshman year, I enrolled in a
two-semester course in comparative religion, which was taught by Wilfred
Cantwell Smith, whose specific area of expertise was Islam. During that
course, I gave far less attention to Islam, than I did to other religions, such
as Hinduism and Buddhism, as the latter two seemed so much more esoteric and
strange to me. In contrast, Islam appeared to be somewhat similar to my own
Christianity. As such, I didn’t concentrate on it as much as I probably should
have, although I can remember writing a term paper for the course on the
concept of revelation in the Qur’an. Nonetheless, as the course was one of
rigorous academic standards and demands, I did acquire a small library of about
a half dozen books on Islam, all of which were written by non-Muslims, and all
of which were to serve me in good stead 25 years later. I also acquired two
different English translations of the meaning of the Qur’an, which I read at
the time.

That spring, Harvard named me a Hollis Scholar, signifying that I was one of
the top pre-theology students in the college. The summer between my freshman
and sophomore years at Harvard, I worked as a youth minister at a fairly large
United Methodist Church. The following summer, I obtained my License to Preach
from the United Methodist Church. Upon graduating from Harvard College in
1971, I enrolled at the Harvard Divinity School, and there obtained my Master
of Divinity degree in 1974, having been previously ordained into the Deaconate
of the United Methodist Church in 1972, and having previously received a
Stewart Scholarship from the United Methodist Church as a supplement to my
Harvard Divinity School scholarships. During my seminary education, I also
completed a two-year externship program as a hospital chaplain at Peter Bent
Brigham Hospital in Boston. Following graduation from Harvard Divinity School,
I spent the summer as the minister of two United Methodist churches in rural
Kansas, where attendance soared to heights not seen in those churches for
several years.

Seen from the outside, I was a very promising young minister, who had received
an excellent education, drew large crowds to the Sunday morning worship
service, and had been successful at every stop along the ministerial path.
However, seen from the inside, I was fighting a constant war to maintain my
personal integrity in the face of my ministerial responsibilities. This war
was far removed from the ones presumably fought by some later televangelists in
unsuccessfully trying to maintain personal sexual morality. Likewise, it was a
far different war than those fought by the headline-grabbing paedophilic
priests of the current moment. However, my struggle to maintain personal
integrity may be the most common one encountered by the better-educated members
of the ministry.

There is some irony in the fact that the supposedly best, brightest, and most
idealistic of ministers-to-be are selected for the very best of seminary
education, e.g. that offered at that time at the Harvard Divinity School. The
irony is that, given such an education, the seminarian is exposed to as much of
the actual historical truth as is known about: 1) the formation of the early,
“mainstream” church, and how it was shaped by geopolitical considerations; 2)
the “original” reading of various Biblical texts, many of which are in sharp
contrast to what most Christians read when they pick up their Bible, although
gradually some of this information is being incorporated into newer and better
translations; 3) the evolution of such concepts as a triune godhead and the
“sonship” of Jesus, peace be upon him; 4) the non-religious considerations
that underlie many Christian creeds and doctrines; 5) the existence of those
early churches and Christian movements which never accepted the concept of a
triune godhead, and which never accepted the concept of the divinity of Jesus,
peace be upon him; and 6) etc. (Some of these fruits of my seminary education
are recounted in more detail in my recent book, The Cross and the Crescent: An
Interfaith Dialogue between Christianity and Islam, Amana Publications, 2001.)

As such, it is no real wonder that almost a majority of such seminary graduates
leave seminary, not to “fill pulpits”, where they would be asked to preach that
which they know is not true, but to enter the various counselling professions.
Such was also the case for me, as I went on to earn a master’s and doctorate in
clinical psychology. I continued to call myself a Christian, because that was
a needed bit of self-identity, and because I was, after all, an ordained
minister, even though my full time job was as a mental health professional.
However, my seminary education had taken care of any belief I might have had
regarding a triune godhead or the divinity of Jesus, peace be upon him. (Polls
regularly reveal that ministers are less likely to believe these and other
dogmas of the church than are the laity they serve, with ministers more likely
to understand such terms as “son of God” metaphorically, while their
parishioners understand it literally.) I thus became a “Christmas and Easter
Christian”, attending church very sporadically, and then gritting my teeth and
biting my tongue as I listened to sermons espousing that which I knew was not
the case.

None of the above should be taken to imply that I was any less religious or
spiritually oriented than I had once been. I prayed regularly, my belief in a
supreme deity remained solid and secure, and I conducted my personal life in
line with the ethics I had once been taught in church and Sunday school. I
simply knew better than to buy into the man-made dogmas and articles of faith
of the organized church, which were so heavily laden with the pagan influences,
polytheistic notions, and geo-political considerations of a bygone era.

As the years passed by, I became increasingly concerned about the loss of
religiousness in American society at large. Religiousness is a living,
breathing spirituality and morality within individuals, and should not be
confused with religiosity, which is concerned with the rites, rituals, and
formalized creeds of some organized entity, e.g. the church.

American culture increasingly appeared to have lost its moral and religious
compass. Two out of every three marriages ended in divorce; violence was
becoming an increasingly inherent part of our schools and our roads;
self-responsibility was on the wane; self-discipline was being submerged by a
“if it feels good, do it” morality; various Christian leaders and institutions
were being swamped by sexual and financial scandals; and emotions justified
behaviour, however odious it might be.

American culture was becoming a morally bankrupt institution, and I was feeling
quite alone in my personal religious vigil.

It was at this juncture that I began to come into contact with the local Muslim
community. For some years before, my wife and I had been actively involved in
doing research on the history of the Arabian horse. Eventually, in order to
secure translations of various Arabic documents, this research brought us into
contact with Arab Americans who happened to be Muslims. Our first such contact
was with Jamal in the summer of 1991.

After an initial telephone conversation, Jamal visited our home, and offered to
do some translations for us, and to help guide us through the history of the
Arabian horse in the Middle East. Before Jamal left that afternoon, he asked
if he might: use our bathroom to wash before saying his scheduled prayers;
and borrow a piece of newspaper to use as a prayer rug, so he could say his
scheduled prayers before leaving our house. We, of course, obliged, but
wondered if there was something more appropriate that we could give him to use
than a newspaper. Without our ever realizing it at the time, Jamal was
practicing a very beautiful form of Dawa (preaching or exhortation). He made
no comment about the fact that we were not Muslims, and he didn’t preach
anything to us about his religious beliefs. He “merely” presented us with his
example, an example that spoke volumes, if one were willing to be receptive to
the lesson.

Over the next 16 months, contact with Jamal slowly increased in frequency,
until it was occurring on a biweekly to weekly basis. During these visits,
Jamal never preached to me about Islam, never questioned me about my own
religious beliefs or convictions, and never verbally suggested that I become a
Muslim. However, I was beginning to learn a lot. First, there was the
constant behavioural example of Jamal observing his scheduled prayers. Second,
there was the behavioural example of how Jamal conducted his daily life in a
highly moral and ethical manner, both in his business world and in his social
world. Third, there was the behavioural example of how Jamal interacted with
his two children. For my wife, Jamal’s wife provided a similar example.
Fourth, always within the framework of helping me to understand Arabian horse
history in the Middle East, Jamal began to share with me: 1) stories from Arab
and Islamic history; 2) sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him;
and 3) Qur’anic verses and their contextual meaning. In point of fact, our
every visit now included at least a 30 minute conversation cantered on some
aspect of Islam, but always presented in terms of helping me intellectually
understand the Islamic context of Arabian horse history. I was never told
“this is the way things are”, I was merely told “this is what Muslims typically
believe”. Since I wasn’t being “preached to”, and since Jamal never inquired
as to my own beliefs, I didn’t need to bother attempting to justify my own
position. It was all handled as an intellectual exercise, not as proselytizing.

Gradually, Jamal began to introduce us to other Arab families in the local
Muslim community. There was Wa’el and his family, Khalid and his family, and a
few others. Consistently, I observed individuals and families who were living
their lives on a much higher ethical plane than the American society in which
we were all embedded. Maybe there was something to the practice of Islam that
I had missed during my collegiate and seminary days.

By December, 1992, I was beginning to ask myself some serious questions about
where I was and what I was doing. These questions were prompted by the
following considerations. 1) Over the course of the prior 16 months, our
social life had become increasingly centred on the Arab component of the local
Muslim community. By December, probably 75% of our social life was being spent
with Arab Muslims. 2) By virtue of my seminary training and education, I knew
how badly the Bible had been corrupted (and often knew exactly when, where, and
why), I had no belief in any triune godhead, and I had no belief in anything
more than a metaphorical “sonship” of Jesus, peace be upon him. In short,
while I certainly believed in God, I was as strict a monotheist as my Muslim
friends. 3) My personal values and sense of morality were much more in keeping
with my Muslim friends than with the “Christian” society around me. After all,
I had the non-confrontational examples of Jamal, Khalid, and Wa’el as
illustrations. In short, my nostalgic yearning for the type of community in
which I had been raised was finding gratification in the Muslim community.
American society might be morally bankrupt, but that did not appear to be the
case for that part of the Muslim community with which I had had contact.
Marriages were stable, spouses were committed to each other, and honesty,
integrity, self-responsibility, and family values were emphasized. My wife and
I had attempted to live our lives that same way, but for several years I had
felt that we were doing so in the context of a moral vacuum. The Muslim
community appeared to be different.

The different threads were being woven together into a single strand. Arabian
horses, my childhood upbringing, my foray into the Christian ministry and my
seminary education, my nostalgic yearnings for a moral society, and my contact
with the Muslim community were becoming intricately intertwined.

My self-questioning came to a head when I finally got around to asking myself
exactly what separated me from the beliefs of my Muslim friends. I suppose
that I could have raised that question with Jamal or with Khalid, but I wasn’t
ready to take that step. I had never discussed my own religious beliefs with
them, and I didn’t think that I wanted to introduce that topic of conversation
into our friendship. As such, I began to pull off the bookshelf all the books
on Islam that I had acquired in my collegiate and seminary days. However far
my own beliefs were from the traditional position of the church, and however
seldom I actually attended church, I still identified myself as being a
Christian, and so I turned to the works of Western scholars. That month of
December, I read half a dozen or so books on Islam by Western scholars,
including one biography of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Further, I
began to read two different English translations of the meaning of the Qur’an.
I never spoke to my Muslim friends about this personal quest of self-discovery.
I never mentioned what types of books I was reading, nor ever spoke about why I
was reading these books. However, occasionally I would run a very
circumscribed question past one of them.

While I never spoke to my Muslim friends about those books, my wife and I had
numerous conversations about what I was reading. By the last week of December
of 1992, I was forced to admit to myself, that I could find no area of
substantial disagreement between my own religious beliefs and the general
tenets of Islam.

While I was ready to acknowledge that Muhammad, peace be upon him, was a
prophet of (one who spoke for or under the inspiration of) God, and while I had
absolutely no difficulty affirming that there was no god besides Allah,
glorified and exalted is He, I was still hesitating to make any decision. I
could readily admit to myself that I had far more in common with Islamic
beliefs as I then understood them, than I did with the traditional Christianity
of the organized church. I knew only too well that I could easily confirm from
my seminary training and education most of what the Qur’an had to say about
Christianity, the Bible, and Jesus, peace be upon him. Nonetheless, I
hesitated. Further, I rationalized my hesitation by maintaining to myself that
I really didn’t know the nitty-gritty details of Islam, and that my areas of
agreement were confined to general concepts. As such, I continued to read, and
then to re-read.

One’s sense of identity, of who one is, is a powerful affirmation of one’s own
position in the cosmos. In my professional practice, I had occasionally been
called upon to treat certain addictive disorders, ranging from smoking, to
alcoholism, to drug abuse. As a clinician, I knew that the basic physical
addiction had to be overcome to create the initial abstinence. That was the
easy part of treatment. As Mark Twain once said: “Quitting smoking is easy;
I’ve done it hundreds of times”. However, I also knew that the key to
maintaining that abstinence over an extended time period was overcoming the
client’s psychological addiction, which was heavily grounded in the client’s
basic sense of identity, i.e. the client identified to himself that he was “a
smoker”, or that he was “a drinker”, etc. The addictive behaviour had become
part and parcel of the client’s basic sense of identity, of the client’s basic
sense of self. Changing this sense of identity was crucial to the maintenance
of the psychotherapeutic “cure”. This was the difficult part of treatment.
Changing one’s basic sense of identity is a most difficult task. One’s psyche
tends to cling to the old and familiar, which seem more psychologically
comfortable and secure than the new and unfamiliar.

On a professional basis, I had the above knowledge, and used it on a daily
basis. However, ironically enough, I was not yet ready to apply it to myself,
and to the issue of my own hesitation surrounding my religious identity. For
43 years, my religious identity had been neatly labelled as “Christian”,
however many qualifications I might have added to that term over the years.
Giving up that label of personal identity was no easy task. It was part and
parcel of how I defined my very being. Given the benefit of hindsight, it is
clear that my hesitation served the purpose of insuring that I could keep my
familiar religious identity of being a Christian, although a Christian who
believed like a Muslim believed.

It was now the very end of December, and my wife and I were filling out our
application forms for U.S.A. passports, so that a proposed Middle Eastern
journey could become a reality. One of the questions had to do with religious
affiliation. I didn’t even think about it, and automatically fell back on the
old and familiar, as I penned in “Christian”. It was easy, it was familiar,
and it was comfortable.

However, that comfort was momentarily disrupted when my wife asked me how I had
answered the question on religious identity on the application form. I
immediately replied, “Christian”, and chuckled audibly. Now, one of Freud’s
contributions to the understanding of the human psyche was his realization that
laughter is often a release of psychological tension. However wrong Freud may
have been in many aspects of his theory of psychosexual development, his
insights into laughter were quite on target. I had laughed! What was this
psychological tension that I had needed to release through the medium of
laughter?

I then hurriedly went on to offer my wife a brief affirmation that I was a
Christian, not a Muslim. In response to which, she politely informed me that
she was merely asking whether I had written “Christian”, or “Protestant”, or
“Methodist”. On a professional basis, I knew that a person does not defend
himself against an accusation that hasn’t been made. (If, in the course of a
session of psychotherapy, my client blurted out, “I’m not angry about that”,
and I hadn’t even broached the topic of anger, it was clear that my client was
feeling the need to defend himself against a charge that his own unconscious
was making. In short, he really was angry, but he wasn’t ready to admit it or
to deal with it.) If my wife hadn’t made the accusation, i.e. “you are a
Muslim”, then the accusation had to have come from my own unconscious, as I was
the only other person present. I was aware of this, but still I hesitated.
The religious label that had been stuck to my sense of identity for 43 years
was not going to come off easily.

About a month had gone by since my wife’s question to me. It was now late in
January of 1993. I had set aside all the books on Islam by the Western
scholars, as I had read them all thoroughly. The two English translations of
the meaning of the Qur’an were back on the bookshelf, and I was busy reading
yet a third English translation of the meaning of the Qur’an. Maybe in this
translation I would find some sudden justification for.....

I was taking my lunch hour from my private practice at a local Arab restaurant
that I had started to frequent. I entered as usual, seated myself at a small
table, and opened my third English translation of the meaning of the Qur’an to
where I had left off in my reading. I figured I might as well get some reading
done over my lunch hour. Moments later, I became aware that Mahmoud was at my
shoulder, and waiting to take my order. He glanced at what I was reading, but
said nothing about it. My order taken, I returned to the solitude of my
reading.

A few minutes later, Mahmoud’s wife, Iman, an American Muslim, who wore the
Hijab (scarf) and modest dress that I had come to associate with female
Muslims, brought me my order. She commented that I was reading the Qur’an, and
politely asked if I were a Muslim. The word was out of my mouth before it
could be modified by any social etiquette or politeness: “No!”. That single
word was said forcefully, and with more than a hint of irritability. With
that, Iman politely retired from my table.

What was happening to me? I had behaved rudely and somewhat aggressively.
What had this woman done to deserve such behaviour from me? This wasn’t like
me. Given my childhood upbringing, I still used “sir” and “ma’am” when
addressing clerks and cashiers who were waiting on me in stores. I could
pretend to ignore my own laughter as a release of tension, but I couldn’t begin
to ignore this sort of unconscionable behaviour from myself. My reading was
set aside, and I mentally stewed over this turn of events throughout my meal.
The more I stewed, the guiltier I felt about my behaviour. I knew that when
Iman brought me my cheque at the end of the meal, I was going to need to make
some amends. If for no other reason, simple politeness demanded it.
Furthermore, I was really quite disturbed about how resistant I had been to her
innocuous question. What was going on in me that I responded with that much
force to such a simple and straightforward question? Why did that one, simple
question lead to such atypical behaviour on my part?

Later, when Iman came with my cheque, I attempted a round-about apology by
saying: “I’m afraid I was a little abrupt in answering your question before.
If you were asking me whether I believe that there is only one God, then my
answer is yes. If you were asking me whether I believe that Muhammad was one
of the prophets of that one God, then my answer is yes.” She very nicely and
very supportively said: “That’s okay; it takes some people a little longer
than others.”

Perhaps, the readers of this will be kind enough to note the psychological
games I was playing with myself without chuckling too hard at my mental
gymnastics and behaviour. I well knew that in my own way, using my own words,
I had just said the Shahadah, the Islamic testimonial of faith, i.e. “I testify
that there is no god but God, and I testify that Muhammad is the messenger of
Allah”. However, having said that, and having recognized what I said, I could
still cling to my old and familiar label of religious identity. After all, I
hadn’t said I was a Muslim. I was simply a Christian, albeit an atypical
Christian, who was willing to say that there was one God, not a triune godhead,
and who was willing to say that Muhammad was one of the prophets inspired by
that one God. If a Muslim wanted to accept me as being a Muslim that was his
or her business, and his or her label of religious identity. However, it was
not mine. I thought I had found my way out of my crisis of religious identity.
I was a Christian, who would carefully explain that I agreed with, and was
willing to testify to, the Islamic testimonial of faith. Having made my
tortured explanation, and having parsed the English language to within an inch
of its life, others could hang whatever label on me they wished. It was their
label, and not mine.

It was now March of 1993, and my wife and I were enjoying a five-week vacation
in the Middle East. It was also the Islamic month of Ramadan, when Muslims
fast from day break until sunset. Because we were so often staying with or
being escorted around by family members of our Muslim friends back in the
States, my wife and I had decided that we also would fast, if for no other
reason than common courtesy. During this time, I had also started to perform
the five daily prayers of Islam with my newfound, Middle Eastern, Muslim
friends. After all, there was nothing in those prayers with which I could
disagree.

I was a Christian, or so I said. After all, I had been born into a Christian
family, had been given a Christian upbringing, had attended church and Sunday
school every Sunday as a child, had graduated from a prestigious seminary, and
was an ordained minister in a large Protestant denomination. However, I was
also a Christian: who didn’t believe in a triune godhead or in the divinity of
Jesus, peace be upon him; who knew quite well how the Bible had been
corrupted; who had said the Islamic testimony of faith in my own carefully
parsed words; who had fasted during Ramadan; who was saying Islamic prayers
five times a day; and who was deeply impressed by the behavioural examples I
had witnessed in the Muslim community, both in America and in the Middle East.
(Time and space do not permit me the luxury of documenting in detail all of the
examples of personal morality and ethics I encountered in the Middle East.) If
asked if I were a Muslim, I could and did do a five-minute monologue detailing
the above, and basically leaving the question unanswered. I was playing
intellectual word games, and succeeding at them quite nicely.

It was now late in our Middle Eastern trip. An elderly friend who spoke no
English and I were walking down a winding, little road, somewhere in one of the
economically disadvantaged areas of greater ‘Amman, Jordan. As we walked, an
elderly man approached us from the opposite direction, said, “Salam ‘Alaykum”,
i.e., “peace be upon you”, and offered to shake hands. We were the only three
people there. I didn’t speak Arabic, and neither my friend nor the stranger
spoke English. Looking at me, the stranger asked, “Muslim?”

At that precise moment in time, I was fully and completely trapped. There were
no intellectual word games to be played, because I could only communicate in
English, and they could only communicate in Arabic. There was no translator
present to bail me out of this situation, and to allow me to hide behind my
carefully prepared English monologue. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t understand
the question, because it was all too obvious that I had. My choices were
suddenly, unpredictably, and inexplicably reduced to just two: I could say
“N’am”, i.e., “yes”; or I could say “La”, i.e., “no”. The choice was mine, and
I had no other. I had to choose, and I had to choose now; it was just that
simple. Praise be to Allah, I answered, “N’am”.

With saying that one word, all the intellectual word games were now behind me.
With the intellectual word games behind me, the psychological games regarding
my religious identity were also behind me. I wasn’t some strange, atypical
Christian. I was a Muslim. Praise be to Allah, my wife of 33 years also
became a Muslim about that same time.

Not too many months after our return to America from the Middle East, a
neighbour invited us over to his house, saying that he wanted to talk with us
about our conversion to Islam. He was a retired Methodist minister, with whom
I had had several conversations in the past. Although we had occasionally
talked superficially about such issues as the artificial construction of the
Bible from various, earlier, independent sources, we had never had any in-depth
conversation about religion. I knew only that he appeared to have acquired a
solid seminary education, and that he sang in the local church choir every
Sunday.

My initial reaction was, “Oh, oh, here it comes”. Nonetheless, it is a
Muslim’s duty to be a good neighbour, and it is a Muslim’s duty to be willing
to discuss Islam with others. As such, I accepted the invitation for the
following evening, and spent most of the waking part of the next 24 hours
contemplating how best to approach this gentleman in his requested topic of
conversation. The appointed time came, and we drove over to our neighbour’s.
After a few moments of small talk, he finally asked why I had decided to become
a Muslim. I had waited for this question, and had my answer carefully
prepared. “As you know with your seminary education, there were a lot of
non-religious considerations which led up to and shaped the decisions of the
Council of Nicaea.” He immediately cut me off with a simple statement: “You
finally couldn’t stomach the polytheism anymore, could you?” He knew exactly
why I was a Muslim, and he didn’t disagree with my decision! For himself, at
his age and at his place in life, he was electing to be “an atypical
Christian”. Allah willing, he has by now completed his journey from cross to
crescent.

There are sacrifices to be made in being a Muslim in America. For that matter,
there are sacrifices to be made in being a Muslim anywhere. However, those
sacrifices may be more acutely felt in America, especially among American
converts. Some of those sacrifices are very predictable, and include altered
dress and abstinence from alcohol, pork, and the taking of interest on one’s
money. Some of those sacrifices are less predictable. For example, one
Christian family, with whom we were close friends, informed us that they could
no longer associate with us, as they could not associate with anyone “who does
not take Jesus Christ as his personal saviour”. In addition, quite a few of my
professional colleagues altered their manner of relating to me. Whether it was
coincidence or not, my professional referral base dwindled, and there was
almost a 30% drop in income as a result. Some of these less predictable
sacrifices were hard to accept, although the sacrifices were a small price to
pay for what was received in return.

For those contemplating the acceptance of Islam and the surrendering of oneself
to Allah—glorified and exalted is He, there may well be sacrifices along the
way. Many of these sacrifices are easily predicted, while others may be rather
surprising and unexpected. There is no denying the existence of these
sacrifices, and I don’t intend to sugar coat that pill for you. Nonetheless,
don’t be overly troubled by these sacrifices. In the final analysis, these
sacrifices are less important than you presently think. Allah willing, you
will find these sacrifices a very cheap coin to pay for the “goods” you are
purchasing.


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