dilemma !!!

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Amazing double life a growing trend among Muslim girls

By Claire Coleman

For the past four years, 24-year-old engineering student Sofia Ahmed
has been leading a double life. During a typical week, she will study
in her university library by day, then head to any one of Liverpool's
many student bars at night.
There, she will party until the early hours: drinking, smoking and
experimenting with the hedonistic lifestyle of a typical British
undergraduate.

But at the weekend, Sofia plays the role of a completely different
person; a dutiful daughter of a well-to-do, traditional Muslim family
who have raised their daughter to shun such Western temptations.

"Every Friday I get on a train home to Manchester to stay with my
family," she says. "It isn't up for discussion; it is just expected.
Before I leave, I tidy myself up, make sure I don't smell of drink or
cigarettes, and head home to play the dutiful daughter, helping my
mother in the kitchen, attending mosque and sitting with my parents'
guests."

On Sunday night, Sofia returns to Liverpool and the cycle begins
again.

"Within half an hour, I will be slipping into a sexy dress and be on
my way to a bar to meet friends."

For most teenagers, university life brings the first experience of
freedom from parental control. It is a taste of a life to come.

But for many female Muslims like Sofia, this taste is bittersweet.
When she graduates this year, she will return to her parents' home,
where she'll revert back to the life of a "good girl", cocooned in a
close-knit community where drinking, smoking and having boyfriends is
considered sinful.

"In my time at university I have done everything that is forbidden by
my religion. I didn't set out to rebel, nor did I feel peer pressure
to do what I've been doing," she says.

"I was just genuinely curious about what all my friends were getting
up to. You can't grow up in this country and ignore the culture
around you."

And as more Muslim women than ever go into higher education, this
double life is becoming something of a hidden social phenomenon.

Psychologist Irma Hussain has counselled many Muslim women who have
experienced this culture clash.

"Muslim women have faced these conflicts for more than 20 years, but
nowadays more women who come from very traditional families are going
into higher education, which they never would have been allowed to
before."

"It is a great temptation to break from tradition when they are away
from their family and everyone around them is having a good time, but
it is not without consequences."

"Some may look back and think it was fun, but others struggle with
the double life and can never be happy leading such a conflicting
existence."

But those thoughts are far from their minds when they set out.

"My first night at university was amazing," recalls Sofia. "I'd never
really gone out before, so I had no clothes to wear. That afternoon,
I went out and bought a sparkly red top with a scoop neck and a cut-
away back. I wore it that night with black trousers and heels so high
they made my feet hurt. I was really excited."

"In the student bar, there was a promotion on alcopops. Never having
drunk before, I was knocking them back. I hadn't gone out with the
intention of getting drunk or of kissing a man, but I did both. That
pretty much set the tone for the next four years."

Luckily for Sofia, her university years quenched her thirst for
freedom, and she is now happy that those days are coming to an end.

"After four years of living it up, I feel as if I've got it out of my
system. I've always known that my years at university would be a
fixed time in which I would be able to live my life the way I wanted
to, but after doing what I thought I wanted, I realise that what my
parents have planned for my future is not so bad."

Unfortunately, not all young Muslims find it so easy to forgo their
new life.

For Faribah Khan (23), a graduate of Bath University, her education,
and all that has come with it, has been a major source of tension
with her parents.

"The only reason my parents allowed me to go to university was
because they hadn't found a suitable man for me, and an education was
a respectable second best to marriage," she says.

"I was excited about university and getting away from home. It was my
chance to escape."

Although her family moved from Iran to the UK when she was three,
Faribah's parents have made sure she would never forget her roots.

"We speak Farsi and Iranian food is always on the table. Going home
is like travelling from the UK to the Middle East."

"The religion goes hand in hand with the culture. I was brought up to
fast during Ramadan, celebrate festivals and have an innate belief in
the principles of Islam."

In a bid to break free, Faribah applied to universities such as
Birmingham and Leeds, where she believed she would be able to live
independently from her parents.

"But they refused to let me live away from home and insisted I should
go to the local university in Bath."

"I resented that - just as I resented the fact that I had no choice
in what I studied. It had to be science as it was 'respectable'."

Despite having to live in the family home, Faribah still managed to
enjoy some of the student life on offer. And her parents' worst
nightmare came true when she fell in love with a British boy.

"Robert and I dated for the whole time I was studying, but I knew
there was no real future to our relationship. He wasn't a Muslim so
my parents would never have accepted him."

"I kept him a secret. I would lie and say I was staying at a friend's
house so I could spend the night with him in his student digs."

"He hated the lying and the fact he could never meet my family. It
made our relationship seem wrong, bad, dirty even."

For devout Muslims, this really is the crux of the matter. How can a
woman call herself a Muslim and behave in a way that contravenes the
laws laid down by Islam?

But having been brought up in Britain, most of these girls find no
contradiction in taking a couple of years off from tradition to enjoy
what all their friends are doing.

And ironically, these women are only experiencing what their brothers
have been doing for years.

"It's almost an accepted rite of passage that men go to university
and live it up before returning home to settle down with a good
Muslim girl," says Amina (30) from London.

"One guy I know has had a succession of girlfriends throughout his
time at university. He's living with one of them now but admits he'd
never marry any of them."

Faribah also knew her freedom and relationship had a shelf life. "I
cried for a month when my university course ended," she confesses. "I
was convinced I'd be married off within a year to a suitable Iranian
man."

That day still hasn't arrived. Now, nearly three years after leaving
university, she is still living with her parents, but is also working
in public relations.

'They think I'm still a virgin but if they ever knew, they would
either
ostracise me or marry me off to the first potential suitor, like they
did with my sister, Leila."

"She married young. She knows about my life and has the same wishes
as me. But she has to keep her views hidden from her husband. She's
content because he is a good man. But I don't want to be content; I
want to be happy."

Not surprisingly, many Muslim women students find it incredibly hard
to lead this double life. In the case of Malaysian-born Faria (21), a
student at Sheffield University, her freedom came with overwhelming
guilt.

"In my country, unmarried men and women are not allowed to be alone
together. If caught, you can be jailed or fined,"[1] she says.

"But because I was on my own, I felt I could enjoy a Western life. I
dated and eventually slept with a boy I met here."

For a while, she enjoyed her new-found openness. But soon, she was
overcome by feelings of guilt and paranoia.

"I felt anxious throughout our relationship and had to lie to my
parents and tell them I spent all my time studying."

"Then finally, last year, I had a nervous breakdown. I couldn't cope
with my double life any more. I regret having a sexual relationship.
I can't wait to finish my studies and go back to my country to make a
fresh start."

"If anyone in Malaysia discovered the truth, my life wouldn't be
worth living."

But though they have had very differing experiences there is one
thing Sofia, Faribah and Faria agree on: they all expect to have an
arranged marriage and are insistent they will keep their wild-child
days secret from their husbands.

As Faribah says: "I know people will find it hard to understand that
after living a free life I am willing to accept an arranged marriage,
but ultimately, my family is all I have." - Daily Mail.

[AbuMubarak]

sad predicament, but one she brings on to herself

islam is true, yesterday, today and tomorrow

[uWot]

:(

SubhanAllah...

some people need a mentor...

[lonely_me]

hmmmm...

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

Asalaamu Alaikum,


What upsets me (besides the obvious) is the fact that these girls intend to keep their double lives a secret from their future spouses. How can they knowingly, and wrongly, commit fornication with non-Muslim men with the intention of leaving to marry some respectable, decent brothers??

It makes me so angry. :mad:

This whole fornicating trend is, sadly, a growing phenomenon amongst both Muslim men and women. It's hard enough to find a suitable partner for marriage; now we must add "virgin" to the list as well? That was always supposed to be a given!

And another problem is HIV infection and/or AIDS; a friend told me a true horror story of a Muslim woman contracting this virus---through her husband!! :sub:

This is all so disturbing...

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[keira_21]

VERY IMPORTANT!
before marraiage it is advisable for ur future spouses to have an aids and drug test done, for male and now sadly female too.
i hear in malaysia it is compulsory ?

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

VERY IMPORTANT!
before marraiage it is advisable for ur future spouses to have an aids and drug test done, for male and now sadly female too.
i hear in malaysia it is compulsory ?


Asalaamu Alaikum,

I don't know if such tests are mandatory in Malaysia, but I would not be surprised if that was the case.

Isn't it sad that we as Muslims would even have to take those kind of tests??

What's scary is someone who may look pious may not be at all!

Leading double lives....so deceiving.....

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[Supernova Nebula]

i heard it's mandatory, but i'm not sure about the implementation here.

[Khuzamah]

that is such a sad and disturbing article :( Also I cant believ that even if they are gonna do such acts, that they will go and talk about it all to the paper? quite strange...

This is why we hav 2 take more care bringing up our children. We have to teach them Islam not just as "tradition" or "customs" but they have to know WHY we do things, what it means, properly understand our duty to Allah... cos living in this country, if we do not properlly install some fear and love of Allah into our children's hearts then we can be sure that this WILL happen to them too! :(

May Allah guide all of us, protect us from the temptations of shaytaan, and put sadness in these girls hearts about what they hav done in order for them to do tawba

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

I read the article and i'm curious as to what grades this sofia chick and her possies got.

So these idiots think a few years at Uni is all that, wow big deal let's move on. Next.

Uni life is great, I've completed first year but yes there is a clubbing and drinking scene but Wallahi it can be so non existant where if you graps the Islamic society at uni i swear you never even hear about the binge drinking.

There was a guy at my class always drinking, he was a non Muslim Indian, always laughing and joking about it as well, he was a complete leech, a very creepy guy

I've passed my entire year with no resits and he has to either do resits or redo the year.

And i will be honest, it's this stupic culture cr@p where parents teach kids the culture values and so on, 'yes beta go to mosque and learn Quraan' then when they compkte it 'Oh son read the Quraan today as it's this day' etc.

Most asian parents attitudes towards their sons are more relaxed than daughters, when a lot of these guys are a bunch of creeps.

GRASP THE DEEN. This culture of wearing mickey mouse style scarves and no western clothes as that's so haraam yet wear Asian clothes which are tighter and reveal more is ridiculous.

Fun time? Can someone expalin this concept of coming home blindingly drunk, puking on the walls and prob being affected of AIDs as well as 'FUN' as i do not understand it.


:salams

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams


WAIT A MINUTE

I'm not saying these things do not occur at universities sadly but look at the source:

DAILY MAIL

WHAT THE HECK?!?!

They're the trashy newspaper and isn't it weird these girls saying that they hope their parents never know o/w they'll be married off etc when they're talking to a newsapper and one's 30 when she's past her 'asian sell by date' for marriage??


Weird :scratch:

:salams

[Khuzamah]

:start:

:salams

I read the article and i'm curious as to what grades this sofia chick and her possies got.

So these idiots think a few years at Uni is all that, wow big deal let's move on. Next.

Uni life is great, I've completed first year but yes there is a clubbing and drinking scene but Wallahi it can be so non existant where if you graps the Islamic society at uni i swear you never even hear about the binge drinking.

There was a guy at my class always drinking, he was a non Muslim Indian, always laughing and joking about it as well, he was a complete leech, a very creepy guy

I've passed my entire year with no resits and he has to either do resits or redo the year.

And i will be honest, it's this stupic culture cr@p where parents teach kids the culture values and so on, 'yes beta go to mosque and learn Quraan' then when they compkte it 'Oh son read the Quraan today as it's this day' etc.

Most asian parents attitudes towards their sons are more relaxed than daughters, when a lot of these guys are a bunch of creeps.

GRASP THE DEEN. This culture of wearing mickey mouse style scarves and no western clothes as that's so haraam yet wear Asian clothes which are tighter and reveal more is ridiculous.

Fun time? Can someone expalin this concept of coming home blindingly drunk, puking on the walls and prob being affected of AIDs as well as 'FUN' as i do not understand it.


:salams

yeah... IG is completely right. It depends what crowd you get into at uni because many of the Muslims are very good people, so join the isoc and hang around in the prayer room etc and you will meet the best people :)
I don't hear a word about drinking and clubbing when I am at uni, because if you get into a different circle, it is not a part of your life at all you can be pretty much oblivious to it the whole time.
I know a couple of people who came to uni, went to a bar about once or twice, then they realised it was nothing special and they did not continue it any more... but I think my uni is one of the better ones for Muslims cos we are everywhere so you could very very easily escape from the peer pressure to drink etc. Even from the non muslims @ soas i think some of them dont drink

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

@ our University i heard they're planning on closing down the student drinking bar cuz not that many people go there i.e. they got terrible business :ahb:

:D

:salams

[MG]

Only Allah swt knows what is in a heart of person.

[Khuzamah]

:start:

:salams

@ our University i heard they're planning on closing down the student drinking bar cuz not that many people go there i.e. they got terrible business :ahb:

:D

:salams

that's great :D :up:

[Ebony]

The part of most shame and disappointment is how she can betray the trust of her parent's like that.

Shame on her. Stupid girl.

[Niqaabi]

i dont agree with this:
You can't grow up in this country and ignore the culture
around you
Just because you cant ignore it doesnt mean you cant avoid it.
I live in the west, i am exposed to that sort of behaviour, but i dont take part in activities that are sinful just because i cant ignore it.

anyways couldnt be bothered to read the rest, may Allah guide us all and protect us from shaytaans decietful games.

[K@M]

If this is true, may Allah guide her.

[AbuMubarak]

i wonder, since we have so many muslims here at ummah.com that go to university

would you send your child, boy or girl, to university?

[lonely_me]

Of course I would send them to University !! Why shouldn't they join one?! ... afterall it all depends on the upbringing and the morals instilled in those kids. we all (almost all) been to mixed universities... so why not our kids!...

[sufic_man]

hell no, i see no reason for my chidlren to go to a university jsut so she can prove to the west that she knwos what the hell she is talking abotu


universities are for the panzy rich kids

stupid preps

[lonely_me]

Then you planning to keep your kids at home??? How are we going to have doctors, engineers, scientists, teachers, nurses....etc... Or should we 'import' them from the 'west' ,as you say?!


That's just narrow-mindness...


next thing, we'd be asked to go live in tents!!!

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

i wonder, since we have so many muslims here at ummah.com that go to university

would you send your child, boy or girl, to university?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Insha'Allah, it is my plan to settle in Pakistan very soon after I finish my education. I know that they have separate schools for boys and girls all the way to high school. The majority of the universities, however, are mixed though there are some that are all-girl.

I would not allow my children, especially my daughters, to live on campus (daughters need more protection!). Going to a university here in the U.S., I commuted everyday (graduated in December, Alhamdulillah!) and my sister is doing the same. It easily takes my sister 1.5 hour to drive one way to her university and Alhamdulillah, she has been doing that for three years now. My brother who is starting college in the fall, Insha'Allah, will also be commuting.

I think it is very important to raise children in the Islamic manner--to have Islam play a vital and significant part of the children's daily lives. This kind of upbringing is an important factor in how they will react to any kind of situation.

So in the end, I would want my children to complete higher education with certain restrictions (such as no living on campus). And I want a higher education for them not so they can be deemed "successful" in the material sense, but so they can learn and practically apply their knowledge to help the ummah in any way whatsoever. I would love it if my children would wish to major in education, for example, to become Islamic teachers or study Islam with the intent to become righteous scholars.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

i wonder, since we have so many muslims here at ummah.com that go to university

would you send your child, boy or girl, to university?

Yes :insha: i would.

There are so many people who are culture driven who take their kids out of school at the age of 16 for fear of them girls talking to guys etc yet their parents LEt them work in a place where asian guys dominate and most of them tend to flirt Astaghfirullah.

I would send my kids to uni so they would be dependant on Allah alone and no one else, hence the reason i go to uni. I may get married to a God fearing brother i may not. If the marriage doesn't work out, InshaAllah i have an education where i can start a job, i will not have to go to people and beg for debts and help as generally people have very small hearts in that department. It always becomes a 'favour'.

Always teach the kids the difference between right and wrong and then they make their own path, i know that if i ever lost my Parent's trust life would lose it's meaning. Yes i have this freedom, but my parents love and trust are two things that i will never gamble InshaAllah not for this Dunya nor for any thrill seeking guy.

InshAllah.

:salams

[.: Anna :.]

Abu Mubarak... Insha Allah yeah I think I would let them go. Both me and Baba go to uni and we have managed to keep out of trouble :p Well I'm planning on bringing them up with strong Islamic Values so insha allah if you do that, by the time they are 18 n off to uni they should be too strong in their Iman to consider going for a drink down the bar or something like that astaghfirullah. Also I think another big thing that keeps Muslim kids out of trouble is : if they come to you and say they hav found a decent bro / sis who they want to marry, then LET THEM. I find it so irresponsible how some parents are all like "no you are too young, no finish uni first." If they have found someone, and are going to be 3 more years seeing that person every day you are making it hard for them, cos they can't even talk in a Halal way :rolleyes:
So... insha allah I wna get my kids going to uni (i would like if they study arabic like me :p but i'll let them hav the choice insha allah as long as nothing stupid) and then get them married off asap to keep them out of trouble (if they are mature enough)

[imran1976]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Insha'Allah, it is my plan to settle in Pakistan very soon after I finish my education. I know that they have separate schools for boys and girls all the way to high school. The majority of the universities, however, are mixed though there are some that are all-girl.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

yes we have separate schools for girls, upto graduation level we also have separate colleges for girls.we don't have many universities so it's not possible for a separate uni. for girls.

a separate insitution doesn't guarantee that one's kid come up with some sort of very high religious/moral values. for the information Islamic knowledge in Pakistan education system is almost negligible.I have seen spoiled kids though they study in separate institutions.

[.: Rashid :.]

Abu Mubarak... Insha Allah yeah I think I would let them go. Both me and Baba go to uni and we have managed to keep out of trouble :p Well I'm planning on bringing them up with strong Islamic Values so insha allah if you do that, by the time they are 18 n off to uni they should be too strong in their Iman to consider going for a drink down the bar or something like that astaghfirullah. Also I think another big thing that keeps Muslim kids out of trouble is : if they come to you and say they hav found a decent bro / sis who they want to marry, then LET THEM. I find it so irresponsible how some parents are all like "no you are too young, no finish uni first." If they have found someone, and are going to be 3 more years seeing that person every day you are making it hard for them, cos they can't even talk in a Halal way :rolleyes:
So... insha allah I wna get my kids going to uni (i would like if they study arabic like me :p but i'll let them hav the choice insha allah as long as nothing stupid) and then get them married off asap to keep them out of trouble (if they are mature enough)

:up: Insha'Allah. If only some people did what you're saying :rolleyes: You can be the first :p We've had to go 3 generations to get there. My parents raised by sister in a uber-Asian sort of way, restricting her from any form of higher education etc. Now, out of spite (IMO), she raising her kids in an uber-Western/liberal way. *sigh*

-Rashid-

[Niqaabi]

Would i let my children go to uni?

It depends on the following:

whether they want to go to uni.
what they are studying (will it help the ummah?)
where the uni is (my girls wouldnt be allowed if it was far and she had to stay over)
what sort of review the uni has gotten.
whether they can be provided with prayer rooms etc.
I think we need more women doctors and denists etc, so it is good if my children want to study. Also, it does in a way show the west that muslim women arent locked up, and can go into futher education or straight into marriage, the choice is theirs.
Insha'Allah i will bring up my children within a good islamic community, and if that is not possible then try my best to teach them islamic morals.
It will be a struggle but it will be worth it, knowing that my children insha'Allah will not fall into destruction.

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

yes we have separate schools for girls, upto graduation level we also have separate colleges for girls.we don't have many universities so it's not possible for a separate uni. for girls.

a separate insitution doesn't guarantee that one's kid come up with some sort of very high religious/moral values. for the information Islamic knowledge in Pakistan education system is almost negligible.I have seen spoiled kids though they study in separate institutions.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I guess I was thinking of something like Fatima Jinnah Medical School which is an all-girl school, but then those are specialized institutions, not general universities.

I don't know too much about the Pakistani school system--only what I know from my parents and that they did tell me: that they have separate schools up to the graduation level, as you stated.

And I completely agree with you that a separate school system does not, in any way, guarantee that a child will come up with Islamic values. However, if a child is raised properly, Insha'Allah, then separate schools actually benefit the child. It all works as a complete package. :)

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

I would send my kids to uni so they would be dependant on Allah alone and no one else, hence the reason i go to uni. I may get married to a God fearing brother i may not. If the marriage doesn't work out, InshaAllah i have an education where i can start a job, i will not have to go to people and beg for debts and help as generally people have very small hearts in that department. It always becomes a 'favour'.



Asalaamu Alaikum,

Yes...my parents, especially my father, are adamant supporters of women's right to education for those reasons. God forbid, if one's husband dies or the marriage doesn't work out, then a Muslimah can still support herself, Insha'Allah.

Ideally, of course, the Muslim community would take care of her if she had no family (such as a father, brother, husband, etc), but sadly, as you mention, people will take it as a "favor."

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[.: Rashid :.]

Insha'Allah i will bring up my children within a good islamic community, and if that is not possible then try my best to teach them islamic morals.
It will be a struggle but it will be worth it, knowing that my children insha'Allah will not fall into destruction.

Insha'Allah. I can only imagine how difficult it is. Sometimes you have it all "worked out", but of course, you don't. Only Allah, and whoever he wants to know, knows how things will work out.

Insha'Allah this generation of Muslims will enjoy chaste, and Islamic marriages, and will raise a generation of Muslims with strong iman. Ameen.

-Rashid-

[Khuzamah]

^ ameen :)

[imran1976]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I guess I was thinking of something like Fatima Jinnah Medical School which is an all-girl school, but then those are specialized institutions, not general universities.

I don't know too much about the Pakistani school system--only what I know from my parents and that they did tell me: that they have separate schools up to the graduation level, as you stated.

And I completely agree with you that a separate school system does not, in any way, guarantee that a child will come up with Islamic values. However, if a child is raised properly, Insha'Allah, then separate schools actually benefit the child. It all works as a complete package. :)

Wasalaamu Alaikum

ya Fatima Jinnah medical college (lahore) is a specialized institute.
also i came to know that Lahore college for women has been given the status of university:http://www.lcwu.edu.pk/index/index.asp

than we have a separate uni. for women in Rawalpindi:http://www.fjwu.edu.pk/

also in Karachi :http://www.juw.edu.pk/default.html

In other women colleges limited master level facutly is also available, for more facultites than u have to move to punjab university(lahore), i have studied in this uni & the atmospehere is good here:www.pu.edu.pk/

as i said b4 Islam has a very limited place in our school system, so it's upto parents to bring them up with Islamic knowledge!

[Twix]

[QUOTE=Niqaabi]

Also, it does in a way show the west that muslim women arent locked up, and can go into futher education or straight into marriage, the choice is theirs.

we don't need to show the west anything, if they cannot see the truth, then that is their problem.

My father in law who is not a muslim says that muslim women are stuck in the kitchen with a bag over the head.
Silly man can't he see that his daughter in law studies, works and is a muslim. I guess his blind too.

Everything we do should only be for the sake of allah.

[.: Rashid :.]

Everything we do should only be for the sake of allah.

:ahb:

-Rashid-

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

ya Fatima Jinnah medical college (lahore) is a specialized institute.
also i came to know that Lahore college for women has been given the status of university:http://www.lcwu.edu.pk/index/index.asp

than we have a separate uni. for women in Rawalpindi:http://www.fjwu.edu.pk/

also in Karachi :http://www.juw.edu.pk/default.html

In other women colleges limited master level facutly is also available, for more facultites than u have to move to punjab university(lahore), i have studied in this uni & the atmospehere is good here:www.pu.edu.pk/ (http://www.pu.edu.pk/)

as i said b4 Islam has a very limited place in our school system, so it's upto parents to bring them up with Islamic knowledge!

Asalaamu Alaikum,

:jkk:for the information; I checked out the websites you provided. The first one wasn't working (I can try again, later, Insha'Allah), but the other ones seem nice.

It seems as if the facilities are very nice, Masha'Allah, from what I saw in my brief visits to the sites. My cousin is applying for medical school in Pakistan, Insha'Allah, and he was telling me I should go there too. I am very unsure of that because of a lot of factors, so I might just stay here for now. :-)

Anyways, again, thank you brother for the information; I appreciate it.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

we don't need to show the west anything, if they cannot see the truth, then that is their problem.



Asalaamu Alaikum,

I completely agree that we do not need to prove ourselves to anyone. Our goal in life should be attaining the pleasure of Allah as it is to Him that we are accountable for all we do.

Of course, dawah is different and bringing the message of Islam is required and that we can do in even the smallest of gestures. I knew of a brother who would always manage to bring up Islam in his conversations with non-Muslims, whatever the topic, Masha'Allah. Just simple information can start a non-Muslim's journey to the ultimate truth.

But I think I know where Sister Niqaabi is also coming from: when non-Muslims see Muslim women actively engaged in the community, their opinions and stereotypes can very well change and that in itself, may also pave the way to seek truth.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[NickedNick]

are you guys thick or naive?

I assumes no muslim drinks until i went to uni.
some of the so called muslim girls there are worse than any kaffir I met.

you see what happens is that when you supress a man or a woman for that matter in an environment where its difficult to supress these urges, sooner or later it will snap.

Specially with women I find, they r easily coaxed.

There is nothing wrong with uni providing a boy or a girl has a sound understandin of whats what.

I was prob a better muslim during my Uni years than at any other time.
I was in a great environment, had some great teachers and shiekhs.
I hate the smell of smoke and drink and was never curious about it.

I have sisters now who go to uni, ALL LOCAL uni, so they come back home EVERY DAY.

why wud any sane "muslim" let their daughter go away from home to study anyway?

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

are you guys thick or naive?

I assumes no muslim drinks until i went to uni.
some of the so called muslim girls there are worse than any kaffir I met.

you see what happens is that when you supress a man or a woman for that matter in an environment where its difficult to supress these urges, sooner or later it will snap.

Specially with women I find, they r easily coaxed.

There is nothing wrong with uni providing a boy or a girl has a sound understandin of whats what.

I was prob a better muslim during my Uni years than at any other time.
I was in a great environment, had some great teachers and shiekhs.
I hate the smell of smoke and drink and was never curious about it.

I have sisters now who go to uni, ALL LOCAL uni, so they come back home EVERY DAY.

why wud any sane "muslim" let their daughter go away from home to study anyway?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I believe that's what just about everyone was saying here: that we need to make sure the children have a sound understanding of "what's what," as you say so that they are able to stay away from the haram.

I don't think anyone here was saying they would send their children off to stay on campus--just that they would allow them a higher education. That was the original question, I believe.

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I would not allow my future children (Insha'Allah) to stay away from home during their education. Like your own sisters, I, too, commuted from a local university. My sister is doing the same.

That just makes more sense.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[MangoChutney]

Asalaamu Alaikum,


What upsets me (besides the obvious) is the fact that these girls intend to keep their double lives a secret from their future spouses. How can they knowingly, and wrongly, commit fornication with non-Muslim men with the intention of leaving to marry some respectable, decent brothers??

It makes me so angry. :mad:

This whole fornicating trend is, sadly, a growing phenomenon amongst both Muslim men and women. It's hard enough to find a suitable partner for marriage; now we must add "virgin" to the list as well? That was always supposed to be a given!

And another problem is HIV infection and/or AIDS; a friend told me a true horror story of a Muslim woman contracting this virus---through her husband!! :sub:

This is all so disturbing...

Wasalaamu Alaikum

true say. May Allah SWA cure our ummah from ignorance.

[*muslim*]

true say. May Allah SWA cure our ummah from ignorance.
I am wonderning when i read this article what is point of showing this stories , are we supposed tp feel sorry for them or not.

wirter the way he put lines in order to casue to feel sympathy and make people think how islam is horrible and does not work in this life.

Then what , who does misatke has got two option either to return to his or her root and think deeply which is good or bad ,or stick with new life but with time year after year truth will be quit obvious who leave this religion will suffer and find that chosen path was wrong one.

i would like to be cleard here, the western life is not about drink,going out with girls or boys ,having sex , NO i can be western in same time i am proud of being muslim .

they are thousand of mulsims girl s in unis are doing veru will in uni and same time they respect thire culture, why they do not talk about them.

[.: Rashid :.]

i would like to be cleard here, the western life is not about drink,going out with girls or boys ,having sex , NO i can be western in same time i am proud of being muslim .

:rolleyes:

-Rashid

[.: Anna :.]

I am wonderning when i read this article what is point of showing this stories , are we supposed tp feel sorry for them or not.

wirter the way he put lines in order to casue to feel sympathy and make people think how islam is horrible and does not work in this life.

Then what , who does misatke has got two option either to return to his or her root and think deeply which is good or bad ,or stick with new life but with time year after year truth will be quit obvious who leave this religion will suffer and find that chosen path was wrong one.

i would like to be cleard here, the western life is not about drink,going out with girls or boys ,having sex , NO i can be western in same time i am proud of being muslim .

they are thousand of mulsims girl s in unis are doing veru will in uni and same time they respect thire culture, why they do not talk about them.

well the article is from the daily mail....
kind of explains it!

[abdusamad]

I kinda lived a life which wasnt parrallel to path of islam. Not to the extreme as the female was talking bout in the paper. The thing is with her, she says she had a respectable family whom were tradionalist and practising muslims. Yet she has guts to do such things. I could only hope my parents would be like that not to mention support me to grow my beard. Everytime i hear, "Arent you going to cut that thing?" SubhanuAllah they are my parents, i respond with a smile and repear how it is sunnah, and its my duty to follow it.

We all have what we have, we should be gratefull if my parents werent like this, would i have come to england and meet this wonderfull muslims? Thos questions relay in my head, and because of those questions i am gratefull for what i have. I dont hope for any changed, but only for further success which Allah has bestowed on me. There not a single thing in this world which could buy me to go back as i was. The life which i call "The life of a kaffir".... May Allah guide the remaining of my Family and the Ummah. Ameen.

jazakuAllah khair.

[.: Rashid :.]

I kinda lived a life which wasnt parrallel to path of islam. Not to the extreme as the female was talking bout in the paper. The thing is with her, she says she had a respectable family whom were tradionalist and practising muslims. Yet she has guts to do such things. I could only hope my parents would be like that not to mention support me to grow my beard. Everytime i hear, "Arent you going to cut that thing?" SubhanuAllah they are my parents, i respond with a smile and repear how it is sunnah, and its my duty to follow it.

We all have what we have, we should be gratefull if my parents werent like this, would i have come to england and meet this wonderfull muslims? Thos questions relay in my head, and because of those questions i am gratefull for what i have. I dont hope for any changed, but only for further success which Allah has bestowed on me. There not a single thing in this world which could buy me to go back as i was. The life which i call "The life of a kaffir".... May Allah guide the remaining of my Family and the Ummah. Ameen.

jazakuAllah khair.

Ameen. :)

I know what you mean...a lot of parents are...

My dad "ordered" my brother to shave off his beard, because of the fear of the backlash.

At least his reason was slightly better than some...but still, I don't think its legitimate.

-Rashid

[abdusamad]

Ameen. :)

I know what you mean...a lot of parents are...

My dad "ordered" my brother to shave off his beard, because of the fear of the backlash.

At least his reason was slightly better than some...but still, I don't think its legitimate.

-Rashid


SubhanuAllah, your brother was ordered?.... I guess i am off better, i am continiously asked. I should be gratefull for what i have.