marriage 2 brother in law

[rabia]

My husband are in the process of divorce. We are totally incompatible. I have recently met his brothers and I feel that my marriage with the family was right but the brother I was married to was wrong. Is it permissible for me to marry my brother in law? He is younger than me by 3 years....

[.: Rashid :.]

You shouldn't really be asking here :) We're not scholars, there are many Islamic "fatwat" type sites where you can put your questions to real "scholars".

Personally, I can see no real problem with it :) Although the family might get a bit ticked off :p

-Rashid-

[Salman Al-Farsi]

I agree with Brother Rashid, you should consult a scholar for proper advice.

From shari point of view, once you have completed the 'Iddat, you can marry his brother, but I would think more about the social aspect of doing such a thing.

[azureal]

well..when you devirce him..he is no longer your brother in law is he?...so it shouldn't be a problem..though, you will have to wait six months

[Khuzamah]

Yeah he is not Mahram to you... but as brother Salman advised you it may be best to ask advice from a learned person. Also do not forget istikhara especially in such life changing desicions

[mara]

You need to be really attentive because the brothers are very close. Its not like changing two tomatoes.
They are living near to each other?Same town?

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

You need to be really attentive because the brothers are very close. Its not like changing two tomatoes.
They are living near to each other?Same town?

Exactly, there is a family impact as well, this could cause a big ridge between the brothers and even the family and despite people saying 'Oh i love you who cares about this or that'

We have to be realisitic. Family life is very important in Islam. One needs a good foundation. So if the foundation is rocky cuz there are too many rifts and arguemnts isn't it best to avoid the scenario altogether?

My 5 Cents :)

:salams

[seven]

i think you need to think about what impact the marriage will have on the 2 brothers.

[jimm]

i think you need to think about what impact the marriage will have on the 2 brothers.

agreed

going from one brother to another, i think, isnt the best thing to do.

[*muslim*]

My husband are in the process of divorce. We are totally incompatible. I have recently met his brothers and I feel that my marriage with the family was right but the brother I was married to was wrong. Is it permissible for me to marry my brother in law? He is younger than me by 3 years....

I am wonderig is reason to get divorced becasue of his brother or something else, if it is i think you are making big mistake , becasuse you will ruine his relationship with his brother.

you are getting divorce that means you are still his brother wife , how he could stand having any kind realation an same time you are married of his brother. even he should not look at you more than sister in law.


do you like to have decent life and break family in same time .

[rabia]

I knew it wasn't working before I met his brother! There were certain lies told to me and my family before the Nikkah which I later found out. Tell me something, does banging your head against a headboard.door or concrete wall, not just once but constantly show how much you respect someone? Or prove your 'Love' 4 them? He thought I was peeved of with him, which I found outwhen he had calmed down & I asked y he had behaved like that, i explained I was thinking of other things(family concerns) I replied that i was tired emotionally.
On top of that he has verbally insulted my family and myself and his family. So how can you even think that it becos of anything else!!???

[abdusamad]

I dont completely understand you situation, but if you are not yet divorced then you shouldnt be speaking of who to marry or such, but rather keep quiet till you have met your time. To think of such thoughts or discussing it while stil in marriage, i find inappriopriate. Well but consult a scholar.

[rabia]

You shouldn't really be asking here :) We're not scholars, there are many Islamic "fatwat" type sites where you can put your questions to real "scholars".

Personally, I can see no real problem with it :) Although the family might get a bit ticked off :p

-Rashid-
HI, THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE. i'M NEW TO THIS SO I DON'T KNOW WHO I CAN ASK? I ONLY ASKED COS I DIDN'T KNOW WHO ELSE TO ASK!! IF YOU COULD HELP ME I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. I DON'T WAN'T TO CAUSE ANY DISRUTION BETWEEN THEIR FAMILY

[.: Rashid :.]

HI, THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE. i'M NEW TO THIS SO I DON'T KNOW WHO I CAN ASK? I ONLY ASKED COS I DIDN'T KNOW WHO ELSE TO ASK!! IF YOU COULD HELP ME I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. I DON'T WAN'T TO CAUSE ANY DISRUTION BETWEEN THEIR FAMILY

If I can help you? Well, all I can do to help is link you to AskImam.com (http://www.askimam.com/). I can't remember any others off the top of my head...sorry...

I'm sure some other brothers and sisters here know plenty more sites, which are much better. I remember reading some not so good fatwas on askimam :(

-Rashid-

[*muslim*]

If I can help you? Well, all I can do to help is link you to AskImam.com (http://www.askimam.com/). I can't remember any others off the top of my head...sorry...

I'm sure some other brothers and sisters here know plenty more sites, which are much better. I remember reading some not so good fatwas on askimam :(

-Rashid-

I did not meant that , there is question i hope you do not mind , before you met his brother and think if it is possibel to marry him ,were you thinking to get divorced from your husbnad.

other thing how you are sure his brother is better from his husband , you might do same mistake and he says lie or is like his brothers , you dont know his brothe, everyove behave differnt before marriget to get attention from girl , it is hard to find differnet between brothers.

I think if i am having bad expereince , i will do my best to be away from any thing remind of me.


have you though , there is any chance to stay with your husband , do you know what does patience mean , if you are patient and stay with him for allah sake and remmebr allah will help you if you do that and trying to change him.


I heard story took place in egypt , that poor husband was suffering from his wife , and he decided to divorce her. he wen to masque telling imam stroy , imam said to him if you stay with her and try to be patient for allah sake nothing elese , allah will guarantteeto you heaven , after he left imam in two months , he came to imam telling he didnit divorce his wife telling him , when i was thinking about what you said to me in last meeting ,(i said to my self what i want in this life money car house or to be in heaven , then i decided to stay with my wife and be patient , may allah help ,becasue i wanted to saty with her because of allah sake , after three weeks , allah reward me and make me to love my wife , even i can not stand calling her more that 5 times ,i do love her too much .


to be patient is only way to face this life

[*muslim*]

6 * Married life
Married Life



An article written by Amr Khaled for Almara’a Alyawm Magazine (The Woman Today) on 11/5/04. (This is a translation of this article):



Our talk continues regarding the fields that Muslim women can regularly and constantly exert effort on for the sake of their nation and religion; without disrupting their main mission of raising their children as good Muslims, and providing a dwelling place in which her husband finds calmness and rest.



In the previous article I discussed the problem of unmarried women. I explained a possibility of a solution by applying the rule of exerting effort, as discussed in the previous article. This rule is: One hour in a day for the nation and religion”.



Today we test the ability of this rule to solve another problem. The problem today is liken to a blind man walking in a busy road. Big trucks and reckless cars are traveling across this road. He has no one to take him by his hand and guide him to safety from all the dangers on his right and left. All the possibilities of this poor man’s situation seem to be very disrupting and miserable. Standing still is not safe; walking forward or backward is very risky. Going left or right involves dangers that are clear for anyone who is in the same situation. This blind person has no way out except by two ways. One way is surgery performed by a clever surgeon whom Allah chooses as a way to cure this man. The second is that someone with vision and kindness would go and guide him to safety. Any solution other than those two will lead this blind man to death. I think that we all agree on this.



This situation is an analogy; the blind man is anyone who is deprived of the light and guidance of the Qur’an and Sunnah. This is what the Qur’an expressed in the following verse, that can be translated as, “Is he who was dead then We raised him to life and made for him a light by which he walks among the people, like him whose likeness is that of one in utter darkness whence he cannot come forth? Thus what they did was made fair seeming to the unbelievers.” (TMQ, 6:122)[1] (http://www.amrkhaled.net/articles/articles756.html#_ftn1).



The Light mentioned in this verse is the light of the Holy Qur’an. The question in this verse is not a question that requires answer; the answer is already clear. Rather the question is for admonishment.



As for the big trucks and cars mentioned in our example, they represent life with all its problems that surround everyone. A Muslim, and even a Non-Muslim, who tries to pass through life without The Qur’an and Sunnah will be overpowered and crushed by the daily problems of this life. This is simply because he just got rid of his main source of guidance that can solve all of his problems.



Lets examine some of these problems and see how they have affected people who have dealt with them without the Qur’an and Sunnah. Lets begin by a problem like the problem of divorce. The average cases of divorce in our society in the first year of marriage reached 33%. Do you know what is the reason behind this? The cause is that the very basic reason that Islam provides for getting married is not in the mind of the bride and groom. The foundations and criteria of this marriage by which a man chooses his wife and a woman accepts a marriage proposal were actually corrupt and rejected by Islam. The nature of the relation between a man and a woman was unclear with no clear boundaries, like letters with no dots. Everything in it was distorted. The concept of Qawama (protectors and maintainers) has no clear meaning or boundaries to be kept within this marriage. For a man, this concept represents the illusion of control and subjection. While for a woman, it represents a chain that she seeks to break and run away from. Both of those matters are not what the Qur’an and Sunnah orders or commands. Surely this is the atmosphere in which trivial problems inflate and stubbornness takes control. It is the atmosphere of which mercy diminishes, the firm bonds become untied and the value of the covenant that Islam prescribes as a title for the relation between a man and a woman is reduced.



Marriage is a matter of life that has the goal of providing stillness, mercy and love between the man and the woman. This has been made clear in the Qur’an in the following verse, that can be translated as, “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (TMQ, 30:21).



This goal will not be established except with the foundations, ways and principles that Islam provides for building this relation. Trying to deal with this matter in any other way can turn things into a nightmare and a disastrous clash that destroys everyone, from the woman, the man and finally, the children.



The person who insists to be blind and rejects the light of the Qur’an and Sunnah is forcing himself to be in the situation of the blind man that we discussed in our previous analogy.



What is the relation between the Muslim woman applying the one-hour rule and this problem?



A Muslim woman concerned with serving her nation and religion is capable, with the will of Allah, of greatly reducing this problem that is destructive for individuals and for the entire community as well.



How? By using this one-hour to talk with women like her. Whether they are about to get married or they are already married. She can guide them to the purpose and understanding of the Fiqh of marriage as Islam outlined in the Qur’an and Sunnah.



The Fiqh of marriage is everything that has to do with getting married: Purpose, conditions, mandatory acts and rights, manners to be observed in all the stages of getting to know one another starting from the first meeting, engagement, acceptance, the marriage contract as well as the building of life together. Similarly, all matters concern the duties of each side and the nature of relation between them and how to prevent and solve problems.



Such a discussion can be done in a mosque in the form of a circle of knowledge or at home. It can be done even over the phone. The important thing is that it should be based on Qur’an and Sunnah. A woman might object to this and say, “I don’t know such matters enough to convey them to others!” That is fine; learn it! Use three hours of the seven hours you have in the week to learn from a scholar, a book, a tape or any other way that suits you. Then use the other four hours of the week to discuss what you learned with others. You can choose any other way to partition your time in accordance with what suits your situation the best. The important thing is that at the end, you have helped in providing light that shows the way and helps solve this problem. The problem of divorce is a problem that is widely spreading in a rate that is pointing to another disaster that might afflict us on top of the problems that our nation is living in nowadays.



Surely divorce, especially if it is caused by violent problems and arguments that caused it to happen in a bad way will lead to many ugly outcomes. Children that complain from restlessness, anxiety, fear, feeling alienated or hatred toward the society, extremism in manners and ideas and other problems that psychology points out. I do not want to be harsh; harshness is one of the most hated things to me. I do not want to be harsh with my words against the child that passed through such an experience, but it is a reality. A reality that we need to contain and ask our women to exert their efforts to treat.



What I mentioned from the effects of divorce on the child is not far from that of the parents, especially the woman whose life has become complicated. Unfortunately, the society and people around her start fearing her and avoiding her and even oppressing her by the way they think of her. This decreases her chances of starting a new life. What I mentioned about the woman also applies to a certain degree (although in a lesser extent) on the man as well. The result of this is men, women and children that complain. Surely the Muslim women we are addressing should be concerned with protecting the children, men and women of her nation from such an adversity. With the will of Allah, we will continue our talk next week.

[mara]

On top of that he has verbally insulted my family and myself and his family. So how can you even think that it becos of anything else!!???
I would go back to my parents.When the divorce will be over. For a while.