Future Spouse: Right to Know About Partner's Past Fornication?

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I would like to know the Islamic guideline concerning a particular situation. My fellow sisters and I had quite a lively debate over this. The situation: a sister who had fornicated later reformed her ways and became a practicing Muslimah, Alhamdulillah, who was now receiving marriage proposals. This sister was not sure if she should inform the proposing brothers of her past.

The great majority of the sisters were overwhelmingly against this and said that no guy would proceed to marry her if he found out. Their reasoning was now that the sister had changed, there was no need to tell anyone anything.

I, however, was adamantly in favor of letting the potential future spouse know beforehand. I believe that a man would have a right to know if his future wife was not a virgin (when she should have been) and vice versa.

Of course, no one has to announce it to the whole world, but fornication directly affects the future spouse and at the very least, this future spouse should be in the know.

Am I correct as according to Islam?

However, there's an even more fundamental question: is a fornicator even allowed to marry a non-fornicator--even if he/she has reformed? I am reminded of this Qur'anic verse (translation from Yusuf Ali):

"Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." 24:3

If any of the above is incorrect, please inform/correct.

Lastly, as I'm a new member, I apologize if this topic has already been discussed in this forum.

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[ze leetle elper]

If a woman was not a virgin before she accepted Islam, and is questioned about her virginity... is it better to be honest or admit her sin? I know that Muslims should not admit their sins, but when I said this to another sister ... she said it would be deceptive to tell someone you were marrying that you were a virgin if you were actually not

In the Hanafi madhhab, a woman can either actually be a virgin or effectively so.

An ‘actual virgin’ is a woman whose hymen (def: ‘A fold of tissue that partly covers the entrance to the vagina of a virgin’) is still intact.

An ‘effective virgin’ is a woman whom people consider still a virgin, even though she may have had sexual intercourse in the past without this being presently known about her. This is because virginity is something of great social weight in Islamic society, and for a past error (from which the woman has presumably repented) to affect her honor and future would be wrong… [Radd al-Muhtar, Majma` al-Anhur]

[ze leetle elper]

Is it permissible to ask a potential spouse whether they are a virgin?

The right thing to ask about is the potential spouse's religion, character, and personality. In general, it is not permitted to talk about past sins or indiscretions, as the answers below explain.

Related Questions

Effectively A Virgin? (http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/QA00000772.aspx)
Committed Zina: Guilt, Prayers, Marriage (http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/QA00003826.aspx)
Why virgins? (http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/QA00000844.aspx)
Repentance, Talking About Past Sin, and Avoiding That Which Does Not Concern One (http://www.sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/QA00000821.aspx)

[Proud_2B_Muslim]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Thank you for your replies and links.

Maybe I did not make my post clear last time: Actually, the identity of the sister whose situation we were discussing was completely unknown and anonymous to all of us except for one who was her friend. Also, this reformed sister was not a revert; she was a Muslim all her life but was not practicing beforehand. And she herself was confused as to what the proper Islamic guideline was concerning her situation and the discussion was being taken on her behalf. This is also when we discussed the Qur'anic verse: "Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." 24:3

In one of the links you sent, the author also wrote: "People should not be asking you if you are a virgin or not. I don’t know if a virgin only marries a virgin, but I would say that a fornicator deserves a fornicator and a virgin deserves a virgin. You ask if it is unjust to marry a virgin or not. Ask yourself the question of whether you deserve a virgin or do you deserve a person who has lost their virginity for a few moments of fleeting pleasure and everlasting guilt? I personally think that you should get married to the person who you lost your virginity to."

And as I mentioned before, of course the world has NO right whatsoever to know of one's previous sins. But when it tramples on someone else's right, then that individual (and that individual only) has the right to know, correct? I'm not advocating this sister tell everyone; no, never--only that her future husband know.

Because, after all, going back to that Qur'anic verse: how can a fornicator only marry a fornicator if the involved parties hide this fact?

Wasalaamu Alaikum

[MG]

i maybe wrong but i think that verse is talking about people who continue to be fornicators, there is a hadith/ quranic verse which says, if a muslim repents of a sin, it is like he never committed it.