RE: ma sister needs some help!!

[justyn]

Salaam,

Inshallah hope all is cool. i'm here looking for some advice and guidance for my lovely sister, i dunno much about islam, but my sister is practising and does alot of good stuff. We're like best mates and tell each other everything....so anyway she wants to get married, and mashallah was introduced to an incredible brother, the guy is amazing does so much for his community, is a revert (has a beard not that makes any impression on me, but she likes that kinda stuff!!) and very well educated, has a good job, and all the rest! etc etc, So my sister's problem goes like this:

He really liked her and made alot of effort in trying to impress her, and buy her things and you know be on his best behaviour. Now she likes him wants to get married, my dad has given his blessings all is well....however.....the brother has started acting all strange, and being distant with her...its like he is avoiding her, and seems to be ignoring her. Is this what happens with introductions? Is my sister being too possessive? She's been patient for a while (month already!), I thought the next stage was marriage?

Its like he not interested anymore? but then again thats my sisters opinion I don't know for sure....but he has changed sort of like become really distant. He never answer the phone, and never has any time, my family has invited him round for dinner to confirm the arrangements, etc etc. but we can't get hold of him.

When she does call him its like nothing happened, and its really sad cos they are good for each other. Its tearing her apart and she is getting down about it. I need some advice, what shall I tell her to do? Its like he's fogotten about her?
I can't tell my dad about it, he'd be really really angry, and I hate keeping secrets from my family.....so please if anyone has been in this situation that would be most encouraging!!

Thank you!!!

[sajid]

WAs the dude serious bout marrying yer sis?

[Chained_Water]

Wa alaikum as salaam,

Hmm, marriage is a big thing maybe he is just having doubts and wants to move a bit slower with things. Or maybe there are other things in his life that are worrying him right now and so taking priority over marriage.

Try talking to him yourself, arrange to meet up with him, just the two of you and ask him whats going on. Or speak to one of his close friends or something.

[Niqaabi]

wa alaikum was salaam.
Yeh same point as CW, instead of brining your sister with you, try talking to him alone, if he is not interested anymore, theres not much you can do.
Maybe he realised marriage is very big and wants to take things slowly, or maybe theres a problem with him family, like he hasnt told him parents yet and doesnt know when to find the right time.

just ask if everythings ok. :) Insha'Allah everything works out.

[triggerhappy]

walaikum as salaam
seems as though he has his own issues. Talk to him and find out whats his deal, he cant be playing with your sister's feelings like that or you can talk to his family or close friends to see if they notice anything strange with him lately as well

[umm.jihad]

sweetie tell ur sister to pray istaqkara, she may seek councel in u (us) or allah allah is the best.

I read her problem carefully and i have a few things to say

ist of all to love some1 for the sake of allah is the best form of love, many of us know this, to love some1 extremly will only cause heart ache if things do not work out, so sisters always try 2 love 4 the sake of allah and moderately only. that way if things do not work out as u had hoped ur love disapears without heart ache.

untill u become his wife that is,

i can understand what she may b going thru but pls tell her this from me inshahallah.
always trust allah and know that it takes as much energy in assumeing the bad as it does the good so what does she have to lose in keeping her head up and assuming good instead of bad.

chances are he may be going thru stuff, am not saying he is handling it well, but fact remains it is a possibility, men do not see the little things women see so can often hurt u un intentionaly.

i am presuming the brother prayed istaqkara and he did not find relief in his heart, i am also presuming he is fighting this outcome so that he may marry ur sister.

remember DOUBT is that hidden wisdom which often saves us i say this bcoz if u think about thru doubt we ask questions, thru these questions we seek 2 find truth.........and thru seeking we find it whether the outcome is good or bad.

remind her after hardship there comes relief and remind her "perhaps she dislikes a thing which is good 4 her"

it does get easier and i pray the brother does right by her but sisters pls dont open ur heart to a man whom u have not yet consumed marriage with.

even if u are going thru the perparations 4 ur wedding.

guard ur selfs be it by keeping chaste and ur emotions intact.

sister remind ur sister that no man is worth her tears and the one that is wont make her cry. there is good in every bad tell her 2 look for this.

i pray it gets easier for her inshahallah.

she will be in my ducas where ever she is.

[justyn]

Salaam to you all,

Thank you for your wonderful responses, I'm so glad I posted here...inshallah I will discuss with my sister the options, we've kinda been over these. But I think I need to sit down with him and ask him whats going on...you're right...

May Allah bless you.

Peace