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:salams
Hi everyone! I need yur help.
I recently got divorced from my "husband" (who follows the Quran and Sunnah) who choose to abondon me and my 4 kids for another woman. I am not against men marrying more than one woman coz Allah (s.w.a) has given them the right to marry more than one. So who am i to go against it. The thing is my "husband" does not have the means to support me and my children yet alone another family? I live in a Jamm'a and the leaders were also against the idea of a second marriage for the time being.But my"husband" went against everyone and married a woman leaving me and my children to be taken care of by my parents. I was mad. Very mad.:( So i applied for a divorce and got one. My question is,
Did i act hastily or was what i did right?
Anyone out there who could help me with this?
:jkk:
Hamza_786
29-06-05, 08:17 AM
Salam. This is an awful situation. I am by no means a scholar but i do kno that if a man marries two women he has to treat them both equally in terms of money, and time spent together. Basically in everything.
About the divorce, theres not much use worrying about it now coz its done. But in future situations like this should be dealt with doing that prayer that guides you. I think its called istikhara?
Well i hope allah makes everything easy for you and your children
Wassalam
Jazakallah bro . I did do the istikara prayer. Like i said bfore who am i to object when Allah(s.w.a) has given men permission. But does it say anywhere that you should go against the Jama'a and willingly choose to abandon your exsisting family for someone else? I choose divorce because i felt that it was unfair to me and my kids to be abandond like that.There is no place for such a man in my life. The elders in the Jama'a advised me to apply for a divorce and move on with my life.I was pronounced divorce under Taklik since i don't know where my husband was.
Hamza_786
29-06-05, 11:03 AM
well i dont really know about that. i think you should just move on. its your husbands loss
:salams
SubhanAllah sister, your situation is truly a struggle and inshAllah all will be well soon. Just remember that all of life's struggles were meant to bring us closer to Allah and who better to demonstrate that than the Prophets of Allah?:) Khair, I will only advise you to look for what is best for your children now and forget about your ex-husband and to put your trust in Allah.
When I read your post about whether the divorce was a good idea or not, a verse in the Quran came to mind and I hope with Allah's mercy it will help you.
3:159 It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
Fabima rahmatin mina Allahi linta lahum walaw kunta faththan ghaleetha alqalbi lanfaddoo min hawlika faAAfu AAanhum wastaghfir lahum washawirhum fee alamri faitha AAazamta fatawakkal AAala Allahi inna Allaha yuhibbu almutawakkileen.
:wswrwb:
Supernova Nebula
30-06-05, 01:20 AM
seems to me, your ex-husband actually did not follow the Quran and the Sunnah properly, but he followed his sheer hawa... just a personal opinion.
:salams
:jkk: Sadia, The ayah has brought ease to my heart. :up: I have been following your advice ever since the "incident". With Allah :saw: help i am trying my best to bring my kids up by myself. It is no easy task, but with Allah :saw: help and everyones Dua:insha: i'll manage. Please Dua for my kids. :jkk: once again.:)
Al-Nasser
30-06-05, 01:38 AM
so smart
:salams
:jkk: Sadia, The ayah has brought ease to my heart. :up: I have been following your advice ever since the "incident". With Allah :saw: help i am trying my best to bring my kids up by myself. It is no easy task, but with Allah :saw: help and everyones Dua:insha: i'll manage. Please Dua for my kids. :jkk: once again.:)
Wayaaki Sister
This is truly a sign of Allah (SWT)'s love
My Du'as are with you all the way.:)
ponderingstar
30-06-05, 06:57 PM
I have been lead to believe (and i am in no way a scholar) there is grounds for divorce if either party cannot remain within the limits ordained by Allah.
And a man must feed, shelter and clothe his wife.
If he is not doing these things then he is not fulfilling his basic duties.
Al-Nasser
30-06-05, 07:01 PM
how old are you ismj and where are you from?
Salaam to all. :jkk: to every one who has answered to my qestion .All your advise and kind words have really put my troubled heart at ease. I' frm Singapore and i'm 28. :jkk: once again everyone. Remember to Du'a k?:)
Its your previous name from here? Du'a k? I don't remember at all.
What happened with you its typical for mens. When a man says " I love you" you need to translate for yourself " I use you". Until he can use you everything is pink. In the moment when you have nothing to offer to him, from his point of view, you are free. And man get bored quickly. After me , with 4 children,you are in the position to use him, i want to say its tiresome to raise four children. Less stress for him to go with other woman without childrens, no? Mens are selfish.
Hope you will manage to raise the four childrens, i know they cost a lot.
"What happened with you its typical for mens. When a man says " I love you" you need to translate for yourself " I use you". Until he can use you everything is pink. In the moment when you have nothing to offer to him, from his point of view, you are free. And man get bored quickly. After me , with 4 children,you are in the position to use him, i want to say its tiresome to raise four children. Less stress for him to go with other woman without childrens, no? Mens are selfish."
Salaam , U've mistaken me for someone else. i only joined recently.
As heart broken as i am mara, i believe in Takdir. Allah (s.w.a) is Testing His servents (me and my kids) through trials and tribulations. And above all Allah(s.w.a) loves us and i am sure that :insha: He will bring me and my kids glad tidings. Not all men are alike mara.There are genuine men out there who love only Allah and not their seer hawa. As i have said before its all Takdir who should end up being your other half.
I talked in general:embar: about mens.I don't know at all your husband. But what i said its valid, you will have time to check up the theory. About use = love.
MangoChutney
06-07-05, 04:48 AM
:salams
3:159 It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
:wswrwb:
BEAUTIFUL AYAH!
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