Compatibility in marriage

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Assalam Alaykum

I know a few people who have reached ages of 30+, still unmarried looking for their ideal partners, and it generally is the case with many people and a growing trend.

Main cause of this is people looking for 'ideal partners'. Sometimes its a guy looking J lo in Hijaab or girl looking for Rambo with a beard and thobe. Sometimes its more than than, they look for 'compatibility' in a really superficial way, like looking for someone who thinks the same, has the same sense of humour, has same type of education, and blah blah stuff.


Is this all necessary if people can adjust later after marriage? Do looks really matter? or sense of humour for that matter?

any thoughts?

[MG]

unfortunalty its does to alot of people, the worst one is, wen they say, i want her to have the same education as me, i mean how dumb is that?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

unfortunalty its does to alot of people, the worst one is, wen they say, i want her to have the same education as me, i mean how dumb is that?

Exactly, or they look for people better than them especially parents. They might have a son who hasnt had a job since dropping out of uni but the girl for him has to be a doctor and vice versa.

In my opinion none of that matters, what matters is that they are rational people and able to get on with each other, adjustments and improvements happen later.

[sajid]

Interesting subject salman ;)

[Chained_Water]

In the end.. no matter how perfect something or someone can seem.. marriage is a risk.

You risk your whole life.. you hand yourself over to one person for life. And thats that.

No matter how long you search for someone compatible.. you have no guarantee of anything.. they could turn out different from what you thought, the relationship could turn out different to what you thought.. your own feelings could turn out different to what you thought.

What if you just can't be satisfied or happy with what you have despite the person trying their best.. sometimes it's just a matter of your own head and heart being the problem.. not your husband or wife.

[MG]

Exactly, or they look for people better than them especially parents. They might have a son who hasnt had a job since dropping out of uni but the girl for him has to be a doctor and vice versa.

In my opinion none of that matters, what matters is that they are rational people and able to get on with each other, adjustments and improvements happen later.

defo, i think some parents make the situation worse for their kids, cos the kid could be an ok person but the parents are like in yer face.

i mean the reasons i have heard for turning down a sister (dunno about brothers) are absolutly atrocious and i would giv my left arm, to see exactly wat kind of wife these brothers have ended up with (if they got married)

its really sad

[moshyman]

It's about compromise blah blah...


Compatiblilty is needed to an extent, eg. you don't really want two hot-headed people gettin' 'itched, they'll batter each other to bits...

Parents often go over the top with their expectations and tend to forget about what their own kid has to offer...

Marriage is overrated...

[imran1976]

unfortunately thats happening alot & not a healthy sign. i have personally seen so many ppl around me with 30+ & still lookin for ideal.
it's not possible to find a partner with same mind, one shud learn to compromise.
among the parents mothers mostly do this see we want 5ft 6inch tall gal, she must be slim, with fail color & this & this education. her nose shud be like this etc etc etc.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

defo, i think some parents make the situation worse for their kids, cos the kid could be an ok person but the parents are like in yer face.

i mean the reasons i have heard for turning down a sister (dunno about brothers) are absolutly atrocious and i would giv my left arm, to see exactly wat kind of wife these brothers have ended up with (if they got married)

its really sad

I agree, people are too picky and they never find the right wife, and never will.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Here is an absurd one, my cousin is looking for someone with exact age with one or two months difference. :wacko:

[sajid]

if one is too picky u cud lose out!

[Mira]

It amazes me how people have different reasons for getting married. Some of the sisters believe they were born for the sole purpose of getting married. I heard some people want to get married to move in with a new person, coz they're bored with their family lol :wacko:

Compatibility is necessary; compatibility in the deen, I mean.

[MG]

Here is an absurd one, my cousin is looking for someone with exact age with one or two months difference. :wacko:


hers another, my friend got turned down cos "she wears hijab and my son attends alot of functions and , u know..... it doesnt look good"


and this boy and his mother were from (and living in ) pakistan :O


happy to say, my friend is now happily married, with a hubbie who dotes on her and 2 beautiful kids mashallah, love to see what he settled with.....

[Hafsah]

unfortunately thats happening alot & not a healthy sign. i have personally seen so many ppl around me with 30+ & still lookin for ideal.
it's not possible to find a partner with same mind, one shud learn to compromise.
among the parents mothers mostly do this see we want 5ft 6inch tall gal, she must be slim, with fail color & this & this education. her nose shud be like this etc etc etc.

i think the problem is that as these people get older....and become more 'their own person'....they are less willing to compromise and want someone who is at 'their level' and who wants 'what they want' ... and even though their older and should be less 'fussy' they add more to the list of what their looking for

heres some silly reasons i've heard ppl say no for:
-the guys too settled (and thats a bad thing because???)
-the girls too short (even though the dude is 5'7" ... hardly a basketball player)
-hes not a doctor (cos theres only one good profession in the world)
-shes too old (well at 37 your hardly the pick of the pod)

[Muslim01]

i never understood how we really should choose who we want to marry. i guess you'd have to get along with them and love them, evne withoiut the superficail things like humour and fun and looks, though that's what we search for lol.

but it is understandable to choose people we REALLY like for marraige, includin those superficial stuff like looks. they will determine a lot of the happiness...or lack of, in our lives. so we want to choose the best - however we must not marry people ONLY for these superficial things or else the marraige may not last.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

It amazes me how people have different reasons for getting married. Some of the sisters believe they were born for the sole purpose of getting married. I heard some people want to get married to move in with a new person, coz they're bored with their family lol :wacko:

Compatibility is necessary; compatibility in the deen, I mean.

You are right there, alot of sisters do want to get married to leave their parents home for various reasons, like parental restrictions etc. For this they have to marry a guy with his own house, leaving no chance for bros who perhaps cant affor their own place.

[Mira]

You are right there, alot of sisters do want to get married to leave their parents home for various reasons, like parental restrictions etc. For this they have to marry a guy with his own house, leaving no chance for bros who perhaps cant affor their own place.

Oh well, tough luck for the spinsters, I guess :rolleyes:

[Salman Al-Farsi]

hers another, my friend got turned down cos "she wears hijab and my son attends alot of functions and , u know..... it doesnt look good"


and this boy and his mother were from (and living in ) pakistan :O


happy to say, my friend is now happily married, with a hubbie who dotes on her and 2 beautiful kids mashallah, love to see what he settled with.....

lol.. so basically he wanted J Lo without the Hijaab.. :wacko:

Alot of guys see their wives as a trophy which they like to show off. Astaghfirullah.

[MG]

You are right there, alot of sisters do want to get married to leave their parents home for various reasons, like parental restrictions etc. For this they have to marry a guy with his own house, leaving no chance for bros who perhaps cant affor their own place.

i know some girls who have said no to this, because of it affecting the marriages u know the politics that come with living with the in laws, it is sad, but , most relationships break down thru other people poking there noses in,

i know in islam it is valid to do this in serious situations, which is fine, i agree with this.

But in this day and age elders, hardly to tings islamically more culturally but i personally would not say no to a guy who for me is perfect but lives with his parents.

I think we could look at this from both sides.

[MG]

You are right there, alot of sisters do want to get married to leave their parents home for various reasons, like parental restrictions etc. For this they have to marry a guy with his own house, leaving no chance for bros who perhaps cant affor their own place.

i know some girls who have said no to this, because of it affecting the marriages u know the politics that come with living with the in laws, it is sad, but , most relationships break down thru other people poking there noses in,

i know in islam it is valid to do this in serious situations, which is fine, i agree with this.

But in this day and age elders, hardly do things islamically more culturally but i personally would not say no to a guy who for me is perfect but lives with his parents.

I think we could look at this from both sides.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

unfortunately thats happening alot & not a healthy sign. i have personally seen so many ppl around me with 30+ & still lookin for ideal.
it's not possible to find a partner with same mind, one shud learn to compromise.
among the parents mothers mostly do this see we want 5ft 6inch tall gal, she must be slim, with fail color & this & this education. her nose shud be like this etc etc etc.

Sad, but true.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

i think the problem is that as these people get older....and become more 'their own person'....they are less willing to compromise and want someone who is at 'their level' and who wants 'what they want' ... and even though their older and should be less 'fussy' they add more to the list of what their looking for

heres some silly reasons i've heard ppl say no for:
-the guys too settled (and thats a bad thing because???)
-the girls too short (even though the dude is 5'7" ... hardly a basketball player)
-hes not a doctor (cos theres only one good profession in the world)
-shes too old (well at 37 your hardly the pick of the pod)

lol.. stark realities.

Here is a another one, 'NO! because the girl wears spectacles' yeah but mum I do too.

[MG]

lol.. so basically he wanted J Lo without the Hijaab.. :wacko:

Alot of guys see their wives as a trophy which they like to show off. Astaghfirullah.

i agree, sort it out brothers, J LO has professional make up put on all day by 6 poeple, she spends 3/4 of the day working out, its not real life, jus take a look at her pics b4 she got in da money.......... :D

[Hafsah]

lol.. stark realities.

Here is a another one, 'NO! because the girl wears spectacles' yeah but mum I do too.

i know this women .. mashaAllaah she was really beautiful ...and her parents wanted some super handsome ...super rich prince type of dude for her...and every guy that came to ask for her was turned away ..whether she liked them or not because 'no one was good enough for their daughter'... then at the age of about 32 (this was quite a while ago...abt 30-40 yrs..so 32 was oldddddddd) she married this hindu guy and went off with him :(

[moshyman]

i agree, sort it out brothers, J LO has professional make up put on all day by 6 poeple, she spends 3/4 of the day working out, its not real life, jus take a look at her pics b4 she got in da money.......... :D

That's it, just go and ruin all of moshy's dreams... *hmph*

[Salman Al-Farsi]

i know this women .. mashaAllaah she was really beautiful ...and her parents wanted some super handsome ...super rich prince type of dude for her...and every guy that came to ask for her was turned away ..whether she liked them or not because 'no one was good enough for their daughter'... then at the age of about 32 (this was quite a while ago...abt 30-40 yrs..so 32 was oldddddddd) she married this hindu guy and went off with him :(

Astaghfirullah :(

In this society the parents should long to marry their children as early as they are ready and educate their children about their decisions.

Sometimes this society leave even good people deprived and this deprivation leads to some sick things for the weak ones. :(

[MG]

That's it, just go and ruin all of moshy's dreams... *hmph*

had to be said, now come back to real life!!

[MG]

i know this women .. mashaAllaah she was really beautiful ...and her parents wanted some super handsome ...super rich prince type of dude for her...and every guy that came to ask for her was turned away ..whether she liked them or not because 'no one was good enough for their daughter'... then at the age of about 32 (this was quite a while ago...abt 30-40 yrs..so 32 was oldddddddd) she married this hindu guy and went off with him :(

*vomit*

[moshyman]

Yahya related to me from Malik from Malik from Abu Hazim ibn Dinar from Sahl ibn Sa'd as-Sa'idi that a woman came to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, "Messenger of Allah! I have given myself to you." She stood for a long time, and then a man got up and said, "Messenger of Allah, marry her to me if you have no need of her." The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do you have anything to give her as a bride-price?" He said, "I possess only this lower garment of mine." The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If you give it to her you will not have a garment to wear, so look for something else." He said, "I have nothing else." He said, "Look for something else, even if it is only an iron ring." He looked, and found that he had nothing. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do you know any of the Qur'an?" He said, "Yes, I know such-and-such a sura and such-and-such a sura," which he named. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to him, "I have married her to you for what you know of the Qur'an."

[In Bukhari and Muslim]


Nice & simple...eh... not that I'm saying we should all go and marry anyone this quickly but they were in the Blessed gathering of the Prophet (Pbuh) and he obviously knows more than us...

[ze leetle elper]

That's it, just go and ruin all of moshy's dreams... *hmph*

And I doubt JLo can cook a decent curry with handmade roti :D

I feel this thread is in need of my input- however I shall wait a while longer till I post... ;)

[Salman Al-Farsi]

And I doubt JLo can cook a decent curry with handmade roti :D

I feel this thread is in need of my input- however I shall wait a while longer till I post... ;)


Oh no, the experts here :D

:outta:

[Salman Al-Farsi]

i know some girls who have said no to this, because of it affecting the marriages u know the politics that come with living with the in laws, it is sad, but , most relationships break down thru other people poking there noses in,

i know in islam it is valid to do this in serious situations, which is fine, i agree with this.

But in this day and age elders, hardly do things islamically more culturally but i personally would not say no to a guy who for me is perfect but lives with his parents.

I think we could look at this from both sides.

you are right, sometimes its understandable for Islamic reasons why she would want her own place. But they should keep in mind its not easy for a bro to get his own place nowdays.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

I once read, sister looking for jihadi bro for marriage. I just couldnt get my head around that one. :rolleyes:

[MG]

I once read, sister looking for jihadi bro for marriage. I just couldnt get my head around that one. :rolleyes:

i read about jihadi brother lookin for a wife and saying hopw evrey1 keeps turning him down

[Salman Al-Farsi]

i read about jihadi brother lookin for a wife and saying hopw evrey1 keeps turning him down

Yeah cuz they all think, he is a nutter. :wacko:

[MG]

Yeah cuz they all think, he is a nutter. :wacko:


ity would have to be someone very understand ing to say yes, knowing they could lose their hubbie, wifey :(

[Niqaabi]

great topic bro! :thumbsup:

Does height, weight, age, looks, wealth, family, etc matter? YES.
Should they? NO!

The prophet salallahu alayhe wa sallam said muslims are but travellers in this world. What you see is brothers and sisters are making the world out to be their home and wanting jannah here; making the dunyah their paradise.

You see some brothers rejecting sisters because the sister is taller then him. Or some sisters rejecting brothers because the brother doesnt have a 6pack. Or (and this really disgusts me) parents rejecting the brother/sister because she is not light skinned.

However what CW said is true, marriage is a risk, and you dont want to get into something that in a few years down the line you think to yourself that this isnt the type of marriage you imagined. So this leads to shaytaans tricks and the result? Allahu Alim.

However, Jlo and Rambo (lol) they might seem the type of person you want to marry now, but looks fade away, but a good personality and a pious husband/wife insha'Allah doesnt.
Allah is the best of planners and whoever he has destined me with, insha'Allah we have love and mercy between us and live long!

As salaamu alaikum

[niqaabi_18]

what is Jlo?

[imran1976]

And I doubt JLo can cook a decent curry with handmade roti :D

I feel this thread is in need of my input- however I shall wait a while longer till I post... ;)

welcome aapa gee...........:D

[ze leetle elper]

And so to address the question that has boggled the male species for generations :D


I know a few people who have reached ages of 30+, still unmarried looking for their ideal partners, and it generally is the case with many people and a growing trend.

Main cause of this is people looking for 'ideal partners'. Sometimes its a guy looking J lo in Hijaab or girl looking for Rambo with a beard and thobe. Sometimes its more than than, they look for 'compatibility' in a really superficial way, like looking for someone who thinks the same, has the same sense of humour, has same type of education, and blah blah stuff.


Is this all necessary if people can adjust later after marriage? Do looks really matter? or sense of humour for that matter?

Now firstly, this is very obvious that the brothers have put Salman up to this ha! To see what the sisters say (so they can take notes for potential wives :D )

Secondly, and more to the point. I don't think that looking for the perfect partner is actually the problem as to why so many brothers and sisters are unmarried in their 30's etc. We can also see the Western trend of education, career, house, car, pay off mortgage and THEN get married here.

I think that many brothers MAY think about what kind of wife they would like in terms of 'BUFF' 'NIQAABI' 'AALIMAH' 'BUFF' or whatever, but in REALITY, my opinion is that they don't actually have a CLUE what they want.

It seems as though they are just meandering along this windy path hoping that someone will come along and actually show them a direct route. I'm not saying that it isn't good to have an idea of what you want in a spouse, but sometimes you have to give and take a little.

Brothers should remember that a woman is like a bent rib. If you try to straighten her she will crack ( :nuts: ) I also agree that parents play a HUGE part in the marriage saga. Especially within the asian culture where the parents feel it is their responsibility to find their son/daughter the perfect match, even though the two may have completely different ideas of perfect. Many parents want someone who has a stable job, house etc-- this is understandable, therefore do not MOAN at your parents for mentioning this. To them you are the most precious pearl ever, and they only want to make your life easy and perhaps avoid the difficulties they had in their lives.

But what seems to be the MOST missing yet MOST important point here is TRUST. No, not trusting whether your little brother is speaking teh truth when he says he ate 2 jalebis, but TRUST in Allah. <-- a fact that is SO OVERLOOKED I CANNOT EMPHASISE IT ENOUGH.

IF there is someone, perhaps your parents have introduced you or your friends have or whatever... DO ISTIKHARAH....and all your worries will vanish. Put your trust SOLELY in Allah and He will guide you to what is best inshaAllah.

I apologise for going off topic :p And this prolly didn't address the question at all haha! But I guess that's what you get from a bent rib eh? :D

[outlandish]

Salaam
I agree whole heartedly,its trust in Allah. Those whom think whom have all the answers will find themself with nothing in the end. Allah knows better if something will work in the end or not,not YOU. You have to trust in Allah and go for it,rather than not go for it coz she lives in a different country and this freaks you,or thinking she is not this or that. You can never know a person truly unless u guys live together,no matter how many times u met before getting married. So do istikhara since that is the most important issue.
As for why marriages are being delayed so much these days,since parents want first of all their kids to complete their education,do masters,some even want him to finish doing phd,than they go on a hunt for a perfect match. Whom in terms of looks,career,job is perfect,and deen is not even many times looked at.

[Umm Layth]

I once read, sister looking for jihadi bro for marriage. I just couldnt get my head around that one. :rolleyes:

:rofl1:

That would be classic example of someone who doesnt know what they want in their potential partner.

This usually is the case with sisters (maybe even brothers) that they think they are looking for spouse. So not surprised there.

[Ebony]

Assalam Alaykum

I know a few people who have reached ages of 30+, still unmarried looking for their ideal partners, and it generally is the case with many people and a growing trend.

Main cause of this is people looking for 'ideal partners'. Sometimes its a guy looking J lo in Hijaab or girl looking for Rambo with a beard and thobe. Sometimes its more than than, they look for 'compatibility' in a really superficial way, like looking for someone who thinks the same, has the same sense of humour, has same type of education, and blah blah stuff.


Is this all necessary if people can adjust later after marriage? Do looks really matter? or sense of humour for that matter?

any thoughts?


There's no such thing as perfect compatibility.
Some common ground is preferable, although not a necessity (IMHO)

[hijabi_sis]

Asalaa,u alaikum

i think that all that should matter when choosing a marriage partner is how pious they are and how string his/her Iman is and it is generally preferable to marry someone with a higher level of Iman than you or the same level so that you can help each other in your deen because at the end of the day our deen is the only thing that matters!!!

[hijabi_sis]

Asalaamu alaikum

i think that when it comes to choosing a marriage partner the only thing that we should look at is how pious that person is and how strong his/her Iman is and it is generally preferable to marry someone with a higher level of Iman than yourself or the same level as you because then you can help each other in your deen and at the end of the day our deen is the only thing that matters!!

[hijabi_sis]

i dont know how that came up twice!!! just ignore the 1st one lol

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Asalaamu alaikum

i think that when it comes to choosing a marriage partner the only thing that we should look at is how pious that person is and how strong his/her Iman is and it is generally preferable to marry someone with a higher level of Iman than yourself or the same level as you because then you can help each other in your deen and at the end of the day our deen is the only thing that matters!!

Walakumsalaam Sister

well thats the issue here, because to say its preferable to marry someone with higher imaan than oneself or someone who is more pious itself is setting unrealistic conditions. Because we dont have an Iman-o-meter that we can use to measure thier imaan!!! or thier piety. What we have in allowance is perhaps a few meetings and to determine whatever we can in those meetings. So to have a clear view of what we looking for, it has to be rational and realistic something we can determine.

I hope that made sense.

[Amatullah_]

Assalaamu alaykum

Good thread!

My cousin and I talk endlessly on this topic, but we never seem to find answers.

Some people say you have to look for compatibility in a prospective marriage partner, some say its not important. Some say look for the most religious person, some say you are not able to determine a person's taqwa. Some say looks dont matter, some say it does. etc.. etc

Ya Allah...once again, Im confused. @)

How would you know when to go forward and marry someone?

[ABDELWAHHAB]

Assalaamu alaykum



How would you know when to go forward and marry someone?
wa Alaykom as-Salaam wa-Rahmatullaahi wa-Barakaatuh

Jazaakee ALLAHU Khair to you Ukhtee Amatullah for your post

May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala shower you Ukhtee Amatullah always with his infinite tremendous immense generosity here and the hereafter.

In'shaa'ALLAH when I find a Pious Chaste Devoutly Obedient Virgin Muslimah Woman who is a Muminah. In'shaa'ALLAH I will marry the Pious Chaste Devoutly Obedient Virgin Muslimah Woman who is a Muminah according to the Islamic Shariah Rules.

[Amatullah_]

Jazakallahu khair for the dua akhi...Ameen!

I'm having trouble making decisions on marriage proposals as it is already. :eek: Some advise and answers would be appreciated.

[ABDELWAHHAB]

Jazakallahu khair for the dua akhi...Ameen!

I'm having trouble making decisions on marriage proposals as it is already. :eek: Some advise and answers would be appreciated.
in'shaa'ALLAH pray duaa to ALLAH to help you Ukhtee Amatullah pick one of the marriage proposals that is the best for you Ukhtee Amatullah and in'shaa'ALLAH ask your father to help you Ukhtee Amatullah pick one of the marriage proposals that is the best for you Ukhtee Amatullah.

[ABDELWAHHAB]

Jazakallahu khair for the dua akhi...Ameen!

I'm having trouble making decisions on marriage proposals as it is already. :eek: Some advise and answers would be appreciated.
In'shaa'ALLAH pray Salat UL-Istikhara to ALLAH to guide you Ukhtee Amatullah to pick one of the marriage proposals that is the best for you Ukhtee Amatullah

[Salman Al-Farsi]

wa Alaykom as-Salaam wa-Rahmatullaahi wa-Barakaatuh

Jazaakee ALLAHU Khair to you Ukhtee Amatullah for your post

May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala shower you Ukhtee Amatullah always with his infinite tremendous immense generosity here and the hereafter.

In'shaa'ALLAH when I find a Pious Chaste Devoutly Obedient Virgin Muslimah Woman who is a Muminah. In'shaa'ALLAH I will marry the Pious Chaste Devoutly Obedient Virgin Muslimah Woman who is a Muminah according to the Islamic Shariah Rules.

If she has a sister with same qualities, let me know. :rolleyes:

[Khadhijah]

:salams
Nobody will know exactly how it feels to be married until they are in that situation. Many people thought they had thier "ideal" partner but it turned out to be not so ideal marriage. Some with the most unlikely partner turned to have a very strong marriage. Allahu a'alm. Some who never even met before their wedding day have had a lasting marriage.

Main thing to have is the trust of Allah... The least person that you thought you would ever be likely to be married to may turn out to be the ideal partner for you. But sadly in today's society such an important sunnah (marriage) has turned into a daunting task.

A very important dua:

"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun"
(25:74)

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Talking of compatibility, here is an interesting one and a common one amongst the 'practising' brothers and sisters.

The issue is that, nowadays we happen to disagree on everything in terms of how we follow Islam. So I see some poeple like us get too much into looking for the person who follows the same understanding of islam.

For example, I often hear poeple say, 'well, I really like the person, I like their family, everything is ok...just that he/she is a bit of a Salafee, or Tableeghi or a bit on the soofi flex and I dont really agree with that!!'

What does everyone think of this?

A real compatibility issue or just another obstacle?

[Khadhijah]

Subhan Allah.

It doesn't matter what madhab a person follows, what should raise their hairs is if the other person is following the Quran and the Sunnah not if a person is following their madhab or not. Wallahi that is such a petty reason or more like an excuse to reject a person.

[Chained_Water]

If you are both passionate about Islam but have minor differences.. what is the problem? If you can't overcome minor differences to unite based on love for Allah(swt) then there is something not quite right..

On the other hand, if someone rejects you because of that.. you have no reason to be sad about that, the persons thinking is obviously not the kind that can be good in a marriage.. marriage which would constantly require compromise, understanding and forgiveness.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Subhan Allah.

It doesn't matter what madhab a person follows, what should raise their hairs is if the other person is following the Quran and the Sunnah not if a person is following their madhab or not. Wallahi that is such a petty reason or more like an excuse to reject a person.

JazakAllahu khayr dear sis

I totally agree there. However I think with different Madhabs its not such an issue but on doctrinal issues there maybe. For example, Soofis and Salafees are always into arguments, is it practical for a soofi and a salafi to get married? Perhaps thats a very extereme example, but just to illustrate what I am getting at.

[Chained_Water]

The question is why on earth would they want to get married if they hate each others practice of Islam and thinking? Wouldn't really make any sense :scratch:

[Salman Al-Farsi]

The question is why on earth would they want to get married if they hate each others practice of Islam and thinking? Wouldn't really make any sense :scratch:

lol.. yeah true, but that was an exterem example. The point really is that as I said ealier nowadays we seem to disagree on everything in terms of how we follow islam. So people long to find someone who agrees with them in everything, in the process get old.

But like you said earlier, there has to be some compromises is well in a married life.

so the question was lookiing for someone with same view of Islam really important? because it can prove very difficult. Or is this as silly as finding someone on the same academic level?

[ze leetle elper]

Personally, I was looking for two or three qualities, which I find very rare in society nowadays. Honesty, Kindness and God-fearing. Very easy to say 'Oh yes well I'm kind and honest and I fear Allah' but how many of us actually ARE? If a person fears Allah (fearing in the true sense not just fear of punishment) then they will not be unjust towards you, in terms of your rights, your belongings, your family etc even if they are going against themselves. If they are honest, they will be able to guide you and help you strengthen your faith through TRUTHFUL observation etc (and not pretending you are the most perfect person in the world and you REALLY do not look fat in that skirt... :p ) If they are kind, subhanAllah in the true sense of kindness and helping towards everyone they meet regardless, kindness with nature, they will not be loud and aggressive; they will not be brash and you will be able to see an inner beauty that shines on their face.

Darn. I think I started talking about my husband again. :D :inlove:

[Ebony]

You wanting a loan of his credit card again ze? :p

As far as finding out about the individuals perspective of Islam....asking questions is the only way you can go about doing that.

If you don't ask, you won't know. And making assumptions can easily backfire.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

lol.. i was about to say that :D

WE are talking about compatibility issues, whether they are important or not, and if so which ones?

[Chained_Water]

LOL sis, we all know you're talking about him whenever you get in mushy marriage mode.. mashaAllah :)

Salman.. a passion for Islam, a sense of justice, a desire to know and accept the truth (not just whatever fits preconcieved idea's).. a desire to try and live out what you believe and learn.. those are the kind of things we need to look for.. not where he puts his hands in prayer or whatever.

In marriage you can't spend your time time obsessing about little differences or minor faults.. so you need to start as you mean to go on and not attach too much importance to minor issues when looking for a spouse.

Just have to be reasonable about things.. if we're not then we're the ones who lose out. ..and again it goes back to what ze said about trusting in Allah(swt).

[ze leetle elper]

You wanting a loan of his credit card again ze? :p

I resent that :D

[ze leetle elper]

Salman.. a passion for Islam, a sense of justice, a desire to know and accept the truth (not just whatever fits preconcieved idea's).. a desire to try and live out what you believe and learn.. those are the kind of things we need to look for.. not where he puts his hands in prayer or whatever.

MashaAllah. Excellent point. :up:

[imran1976]

thankx Allah i never went into these problems coz my mom chosed for me,:D normally mom's choose the life partner here & most of the time that decision is correct.
not only search for ideal but there are also other reason's for late marriages, like my elder brother he's 34 yet unmarried, i don't know what he's upto in the past he used to say i'll marry only when my salary reaches so & so, i have my own car etc. etc. now he has all that stuff now he says imran i have applied for canada immigration first let me move there than i'll think, lol.
a few guyz i know have financial problems so they r unmarried at 35, some family's can't arrange for dowry so their gals sit home ,
so there are mny reasons for late marriages.

[imran1976]

lol.. yeah true, but that was an exterem example. The point really is that as I said ealier nowadays we seem to disagree on everything in terms of how we follow islam. So people long to find someone who agrees with them in everything, in the process get old.

But like you said earlier, there has to be some compromises is well in a married life.

so the question was lookiing for someone with same view of Islam really important? because it can prove very difficult. Or is this as silly as finding someone on the same academic level?

at least i don't find that a big issue, like we have all sorts of hanafi/wahabi/brelwi in our family, my sis married in a wahabi family but every thing is fine......:)

[ze leetle elper]

The best of dowries is that of Ali to Fatima. Funny how so much emphasis is placed on the dowry-- this is not the foundation of the marriage! :rolleyes:

[ze leetle elper]

is it practical for a soofi and a salafi to get married

I know of one example of this :D Because both parties understand the validity in each others views, they can respect them and compromise when issues arise.

[Chained_Water]

I know of one example of this :D Because both parties understand the validity in each others views, they can respect them and compromise when issues arise.

:up: MashaAllah.. now that is more like it!

[imran1976]

The best of dowries is that of Ali to Fatima. Funny how so much emphasis is placed on the dowry-- this is not the foundation of the marriage! :rolleyes:

yup i agree, but u know ppl here are dum-heads they even demand & provide a full list of the items, isn't that stupidity......:mad:

[ze leetle elper]

yup i agree, but u know ppl here are dum-heads they even demand & provide a full list of the items, isn't that stupidity......:mad:

Very. I don't even know why the sister's side DEMAND what dowry they get :confused: The brother is supposed to give to the best of his ability and what he sees fit in relation to his wealth etc; as long as he meets the basic requirement why is there a problem? The mehr of Ali to Fatima in sterling terms would be about £250-- any more than this should be considered a gesture of generousity on the brothers half. Money is given too much importance nowadays!

[Chained_Water]

Sis, in Pak it is usually the other way around.. the brothers side do the demanding :banghead:

[ze leetle elper]

Sis, in Pak it is usually the other way around.. the brothers side do the demanding :banghead:

What a sour beginning to a life together. :(

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Very. I don't even know why the sister's side DEMAND what dowry they get :confused: The brother is supposed to give to the best of his ability and what he sees fit in relation to his wealth etc; as long as he meets the basic requirement why is there a problem? The mehr of Ali to Fatima in sterling terms would be about £250-- any more than this should be considered a gesture of generousity on the brothers half. Money is given too much importance nowadays!

Its the guy who gives the dowry, but asian traditions are messed up :(

There are cases of sisters demanding some silly amount for dowry, which is of course her right but going overboard creates issues.

I ve heard of cases where sisters are demanding house, car and up to 10,000 in cash for mehr. :wacko:

[Chained_Water]

Talk about high maintainance!

Demanding that much is like basically saying "Wake up, don't ruin your life by marrying me, break the engagement now!" :p

[Hafsah]

I ve heard of cases where sisters are demanding house, car and up to 10,000 in cash for mehr. :wacko:

you think thats bad...i know this arab sis who's mehar was £65K and a house!!!! no wonder they're having a long engagement!!! i've heard this is quite a common practice amongst arab...extortionate mahars..which is why they find it sooooooooo hard to get married :rolleyes:

so on top of compatibility..and ..family..you got mahar to contend with .. no wonder people are finding it so hard to get married!

[moshyman]

I ve heard of cases where sisters are demanding house, car and up to 10,000 in cash for mehr. :wacko:

Hmm I've seen that although I see the family making the demands. The sister often has absolutely no idea how much she is being sold for... and yes it seems to be a business transaction these days rather than a gift...

"Oh well, I got £10,000 for my daughter..."

"Is that all? My son-in-law is a barrister, he gave my daughter £20,000"

moshy: "What can I get for 50p and all the love in the world?"

"behsharam! Get outta here..."

"youth these days..."

[Salman Al-Farsi]

you think thats bad...i know this arab sis who's mehar was £65K and a house!!!! no wonder they're having a long engagement!!! i've heard this is quite a common practice amongst arab...extortionate mahars..which is why they find it sooooooooo hard to get married :rolleyes:

so on top of compatibility..and ..family..you got mahar to contend with .. no wonder people are finding it so hard to get married!

SubhanAllah yeah its true. My egyption friend who has been engaged since uni is still saving up the Mehr to get married. :(

[MG]

you think thats bad...i know this arab sis who's mehar was £65K and a house!!!! no wonder they're having a long engagement!!! i've heard this is quite a common practice amongst arab...extortionate mahars..which is why they find it sooooooooo hard to get married :rolleyes:

so on top of compatibility..and ..family..you got mahar to contend with .. no wonder people are finding it so hard to get married!

i hope in the mean time he finds a sis who says "forget the mahar, jus marry me for Allah's sake" and then id love to see the HIGH maintenece families face, wen he doesnt marry her :)

[Hafsah]

i hope in the mean time he finds a sis who says "forget the mahar, jus marry me for Allah's sake" and then id love to see the HIGH maintenece families face, wen he doesnt marry her :)

sad thing is...like others have been mentioning...the girl doesn't really care about the mahar and wants to get married ASAP but because of the mahar issue they can't

[Salman Al-Farsi]

The problem is, its easy for us to say things but different people react differntly when it comes to going against traditions. Sometimes there are too many issues involved and one just gets undermined and becomes difficult to take a stand against family and traditions. :(

[Salman Al-Farsi]

On top of compatibility, mehr/dowry, family ther are a few more issues which effect people's decision, such as the heavy cost involved in wedding ceremonies and its all traditional bakwas.

So even before considering the date they have to look for the hall, and it has to be the best, so wedding date is decided when the hall is booked. Nowdays this can take up to months. Then there is the Jewlery, bridal dresses, the heavy cost of food, and the whole affair has to be so lavish and becoming extravagant by the day. :( I know brothers who got themselves into big debts to have these kind of weddings. An average pakistani wedding can cost up to £15000, and average UK wage is 13,450 per anum (I was shocked when i read this). :eek:

All of this points out how important it is for us to take a stand against backward, unislamic traditions and customs and return to pure Islamic traditions in order to save the noble institution of marriage from fading away like many other aspects of Islam :(

[Supernova Nebula]

speaking of mahr, can i ask a telescope as my mahr?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

speaking of mahr, can i ask a telescope as my mahr?

Not if you really wanna get married.

[Chained_Water]

Not if you really wanna get married.
:rotfl:

[Arsalan]

yes you may.

[Supernova Nebula]

yes you may.

hold on...hold on, not a telescope but an observatory, big one, is it ok?

[Arsalan]

hold on...hold on, not a telescope but an observatory, big one, is it ok?

lol

not for most ppl.

ideally id just give my wife a tenner and asker to to buy some avon cosmetics.. but those days are gone. :z

everyone is lalchee

[ze leetle elper]

ideally id just give my wife a tenner and asker to to buy some avon cosmetics..

Some? Brother, you can probably buy HALF an Avon cosmetic with a tenner....:D

[Mira]

It makes me wonder: Those women who ask for a huge dowry, or let's say their families - aren't they worried about what could happen to their daughter after marriage? She will be living with a short-tempered hubby, who can't seem to save up enough money for anything, coz he's got to pay up all his debts. If the missus was even planning to be a housewife, then she should just come back from dreamland and go earn some money to pay for that costly wedding she/or her family had demanded.

They also better postpone the idea of having kids. Can't have kids and not be able to provide for them.

[Supernova Nebula]

Not if you really wanna get married.

u should be lucky if your future wife asks a telescope as her mahr, cause other girls might ask million pounds and a telescope doesnt cost that much:p

[Supernova Nebula]

lol

not for most ppl.

ideally id just give my wife a tenner and asker to to buy some avon cosmetics.. but those days are gone. :z

everyone is lalchee

wot is lalchee? dont give me urdu plzzzz

[imran1976]

Sis, in Pak it is usually the other way around.. the brothers side do the demanding :banghead:

In Pakistan it goes both way!
in punjab/sindh bride's family arrange for the dowry & in balochistan/nwfp groom has to arrange for it!
there are some places here where u go n pay to gals father & get married.
10 years bak my friends brother married an arab woman, he had to pay money to her father for marrying!

[Mira]

In Pakistan it goes both way!
in punjab/sindh bride's family arrange for the dowry & in balochistan/nwfp groom has to arrange for it!
there are some places here where u go n pay to gals father & get married.
10 years bak my friends brother married an arab woman, he had to pay money to her father for marrying!

Paying the father to marry the daughter? What sort of slave-trade is that?

[Chained_Water]

Yeh I've heard that amongst arabs and I thought :eek: the brides father demands a set amount for the groom to marry her!

Demanding dowry is just out of order from either side/family.

[imran1976]

Yeh I've heard that amongst arabs and I thought :eek: the brides father demands a set amount for the groom to marry her!

Demanding dowry is just out of order from either side/family.

it's just like selling a daughter.....

[MG]

it's just like selling a daughter.....

especially wen they up the mehr by a few thousand cos the boy/gal is EDUCATED (not islmaically)

[imran1976]

especially wen they up the mehr by a few thousand cos the boy/gal is EDUCATED (not islmaically)

no no u didn't got my point, the bride gets the maher but in this case the father keeps the money thats why i said 'selling a daughter'

[Salman Al-Farsi]

My friend's wife asked for 33 quid as mehr.

[imran1976]

My friend's wife asked for 33 quid as mehr.

whats quid.........

[Salman Al-Farsi]

whats quid.........

Pounds.

[peace2u]

how much is a pound worth in dollars ??

Peace

[MG]

My friend's wife asked for 33 quid as mehr.


mashallah, at least someone has their head screwed on right

[Salman Al-Farsi]

how much is a pound worth in dollars ??

Peace

US dollar?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

mashallah, at least someone has their head screwed on right

Mashalah.

My other friends wife asked him to teach her Quran for Mehr. MashAllah there are some great poeple out there. :)

[MG]

Mashalah.

My other friends wife asked him to teach her Quran for Mehr. MashAllah there are some great poeple out there. :)


wow

hey thats an idea! *jots it down*

[sajid]

how much is a pound worth in dollars ??

Peace

$1.80 = £1

[Ebony]

..MashAllah there are some great poeple out there. :)

Where? :rolleyes:

[ze leetle elper]

Right here...in my book. :)

[Ebony]

Right here...in my book. :)

Its tattered.

[SoulAsylum]

Right here...in my book. :)

Its all well and good having ur book, but when things dont work out in ur matchmaking, ur gonna get some irate customers and ppl wanting their money back :p

[ze leetle elper]

Things always work out....inshaAllah :p

[Chained_Water]

Not always sis.

[Guardian Hijab]

what is Jlo?

Asalamualaikum

:rotfl:

Aw sis, its just some celebrity from America that people think is pretty, no one important eh:up:

Thanks for the laugh:D

Wa'alaikumasalam:)

[.: Anna :.]

Yeh I've heard that amongst arabs and I thought :eek: the brides father demands a set amount for the groom to marry her!

Demanding dowry is just out of order from either side/family.
no sis... dowry is the RIGHT of the wife and it is not wrong to ask for it. The wife has got the right to set any price she wants. It might be silly but it is not wrong. The are reasons why Allah gave this right to women, and it is very practical to have at leasy a small dowry because,(although we hope these things will not happen) what if there is a problem and the husband dies or something like that, or in case of divorce... the dowry acts as a security for the wife if something was to go wrong.
I dont agree with asking such ridiculous amounts, it is unneccesary and unrealistic but the dowry itself is not problematic as long as people are sensible.

[Chained_Water]

No sis, I don't mean the wife :p

I meant her family making demands for themselves, or the guys side making demands.

[.: Anna :.]

ohh.. ok then sis

agree with you then. They have no right to do that and to put extra conditions like that on the marriage is really stupid.

I hate the way many people try and make marriage difficult for their children. It is a sunnah and should be encouraged... but unfortunately many parents in this world hav such jahil attitudes, its very sad.

[Chained_Water]

I hate the way many people try and make marriage difficult for their children. It is a sunnah and should be encouraged... but unfortunately many parents in this world hav such jahil attitudes, its very sad.

Yeh it is sis :(

And causes so much problems for their children.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Where? :rolleyes:

all the great ppl got married to rest of the great ppl. :rolleyes:

[Ebony]

Not always sis.

Finally, someone on my wavelength!

Welcome to the gang sis :D


all the great ppl got married to rest of the great ppl. :rolleyes:

Ze supposedly knows a few. Try her :p

[Chained_Water]

I really think newly weds can be completely blinded by the newness and excitement, the buzz, the initial joy.

It doesn't always stay new, it doesn't always stay at all.

Feelings can wear off.. contentment can disappear.

It's all in the mind.

..marriage will often be more about compromise and commitment than love or ANY other feelings.


..so yeh Ebony.. I think maybe your influence has rubbed off on me.. budge up and let me jump into your boat :p

[moshyman]

I see this thread has become a major downer...

How about newly weds being near on perfect for eachother and through compromise and love they become the coolness of eachothers eyes...

Let's not all be cynics now... don't diss love, it's part of the compromise...

[Chained_Water]

Stop being so optimistic.. we're being realists here, thats why bro Salman posted the thread.. there's too much newly wed mushy influence on the forums :p ..Arshy and Ebony here I come :mujahida:

[moshyman]

My optimism comes from my faith in Allah SWT; anything and everything he gives me will be for my benefit InshaAllah...


So despite all this negativity, you guys are still gonna throw yourselves into this marriage malarky? Surely you should enter the marriage as an optimist and things will become better InshaAllah. If we enter with a negative thought process, then it's more-or-less doomed.


Man, I've become MUSHYman...:embar:

[Chained_Water]

No it's not about entering it negative.. it's about being realistic about what marriage is like.. it's not all a bed of roses, and it's not all mush.. and things don't always work out.

That's just recognising reality.. not dooming anyones marriage.

[moshyman]

I beg to differ... through compromise and adoption of the sunnah and fulfilling eachother's rights, I think it can be a bed of roses... although there are times of strain, but these can be limited if you go the right way about it... again, it's also about compatibility and stuff...


I believe marriages are made in heaven and spent on earth...

[Chained_Water]

So when do you want to get your name changed to mushyman then :rolleyes:

I'm not saying it can't be happy.. I'm saying it can't ALWAYS, in everyones case. Otherwise divorce would never have been permitted would it?

Not that I wanna be get that negative about things.. but it's just to say it doesn't always work out.

[moshyman]

mushyman: of all the things permitted by Allah, divorce is the thing he hates most.

moshyman: but sometimes divorce is necessary...

mushyman: only in extreme cases as a last resort...

moshyman: well if you don't like the old bag, you gotta kick her to the kerb...

mushyman: it may be that your wife has a bad quality but if you overlook it, you may find another which is good...

moshyman: what if she has many bad ones...

mushyman: she may also have many good ones...

moshyman: can you divorce four wives at once and then get another four?

mushyman: oh get lost...

[Chained_Water]

:rotfl:

[hijabi_sis]

mushyman: of all the things permitted by Allah, divorce is the thing he hates most.

moshyman: but sometimes divorce is necessary...

mushyman: only in extreme cases as a last resort...

moshyman: well if you don't like the old bag, you gotta kick her to the kerb...

mushyman: it may be that your wife has a bad quality but if you overlook it, you may find another which is good...

moshyman: what if she has many bad ones...

mushyman: she may also have many good ones...

moshyman: can you divorce four wives at once and then get another four?

mushyman: oh get lost...

lolzzzz

i actually agree with mushyman on this issue

[Noor]

Stop being so optimistic.. we're being realists here, thats why bro Salman posted the thread.. there's too much newly wed mushy influence on the forums :p ..Arshy and Ebony here I come :mujahida:

welcome aboard CW... now ur on da boat, it will be hard for you to leave it!!

[Chained_Water]

welcome aboard CW... now ur on da boat, it will be hard for you to leave it!!
I need the break sis.. I think I'll just enjoy the view from the boat and chill out a bit. :D

[moshyman]

How is it, that me, being a guy, is being the mushy one and all the women are being cynics? Surely the men of this ummah don't leave you so errrmm dispondent?

[Chained_Water]

You're an optimist.. we're realists.. the newly weds are.. well they're just msuhy newly weds :p

[Chained_Water]

Anyway there is no major disagreement here.. everyone knows marriages can work out fab.. and everyone should be able to accept that sometimes they just don't!

Just depends on the circumstances and the couple.

[hijabi_sis]

how do u think newly weds should be then?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

We have to be realistic about this, no wedding is ever perfect or what is being called 'bed of roses'. Even Prophet (saw) had issue where he was inclined to divorce one of his wives, and the sahabah faced issues with marriages many ending with divorce, and they were the bes to men to walk the face of this earth. So the thinking that if both are good Muslims, everything will work is out of the window.

We have to be critical and evaluate things, moreover be ready and prepared for whats to come.

[Chained_Water]

how do u think newly weds should be then?
:rubeyes: What do you mean sis?.. that seems like a pointless question, to which I don't have an answer :scratch:

I'd want everyone to be happy but REALITY bites sometimes and the world isn't all happy happy joy joy.

[moshyman]

I believe we could, or I could, make the world happy happy joy joy... only by the permission of Allah SWT of course and through patience and love and stuff...


*walks out before being called a sissy again*

[Ebony]

CW

You have to be anti-mush all the time to be part of our organisation.
Decide wisely.

[Chained_Water]

Sis.. now you are asking far too much :p

I can't be anti-mush all the time.. I take the middle road.. right now I'm on your boat so budge up woman or the biscuit tin gets shekken! :p

[Ebony]

So long as you bring tea to shlok, you can come aboard!

[Chained_Water]

*gets her thermos out* Ahoy matey! and all that

[hijabi_sis]

i agree that no matter who you end up marrying it can go either way...because we cant predict the future and we just have to hope for the best.

but we also have to remember that divorce is a very last resort and it is actually disliked in Islam (even though in some cases it is necessary) i guess what im trying to say is that both of the partners should enter the marriage in the frame of mind that he/she is going to try their utmost best to make it work and to fulfill the rights of their partner and try and overlook some bad qualities that the partner may have...like we'v established before nobody is perfect...so both man and woman should have a positive and optimistic approach to marriage otherwise it is doomed from the start....put your trust in Allah Almighty and InshAllah the problems that do arise will find a solution, one way or the other.

in my opinion...that is what the approach to marriage should be and if after this it still doesnt work out then it was not meant to be and we have to remember that everything is a test from Allah Almighty...we should never lose hope and always keep our faith strong no matter what happens...if you want something bad enough and pray for it sincerely then Allah Almighty answers the prayer of that person...its all about having trust and strong faith in our Lord

[hijabi_sis]

I believe we could, or I could, make the world happy happy joy joy... only by the permission of Allah SWT of course and through patience and love and stuff...


*walks out before being called a sissy again*

i agree

lol@sissy

[Ebony]

Its best to remember that there WILL be rough patches in your marriage, you WILL argue/fight and so on.

It won't always be hunky dory...and if anyone thinks that their marriage will not be afflicted with problems..then its time to smell the coffee.

[hijabi_sis]

there are always going to be problems...we need to deal with them in the right way

[Salman Al-Farsi]

hmm.. interesting :rolleyes:

[Chained_Water]

Very true sis.. if you go in thinking it will always be wonderful.. when you have problems, it will hit you harder because that image of perfection in your head will be destroyed!

All anyone is saying is: be realistic.

[ze leetle elper]

I think all the bachelors and spinsters need to stop posting about marriage :D And just do it :D

I understand that you have to be realistic, but that is life in general, not just attributed to marriage. There will ALWAYS be obstacles in life, regardless of whether you are married or not-- the difference being that when you are married you can help one another across those obstacles, ie: bettering oneself inshaAllah.

Anyone who thinks marriage is a bed of roses is dreaming. Marriage is a part of LIFE, life is not a part of your marriage. If you feel that your LIFE is going to be a bed of roses, then attribute it to marriage if you wish to.

You mat argue with your parents or you may argue with your wife-- its still an ARGUMENT. What I am trying to say is that you cannot attribute these thing to marriage; they can just as well happen outside of marriage.

What is important is HOW you deal with these obstacles-- be willing to work through them with an open mind AND love <-- yes it does come into it ;) :p

[Ebony]

You just want to make use of your black book Ze!

[.: Anna :.]

I think all the bachelors and spinsters need to stop posting about marriage :D And just do it :D

LOL :D I agree :p

[imran1976]

Anyone who thinks marriage is a bed of roses is dreaming. Marriage is a part of LIFE, life is not a part of your marriage. If you feel that your LIFE is going to be a bed of roses, then attribute it to marriage if you wish to.


ya very true infact marriage is all abt responsibilities!
ppl expect too much like after marriage life is gone be full of joys/honey moon's or a wonderland but when it comes to reality it disturbs them. i have seen ppl separating on the grounds that they thought life wud be so wondeful after marriage but in reality it's not!

[Salman Al-Farsi]

ya very true infact marriage is all abt responsibilities!
ppl expect too much like after marriage life is gone be full of joys/honey moon's or a wonderland but when it comes to reality it disturbs them. i have seen ppl separating on the grounds that they thought life wud be so wondeful after marriage but in reality it's not!

very true.

[Freshie]

oh.. good topic.

people should marry from their native country so they can bring thier cousins and give them permenant stay to uk. This way alot of Musilms will come to uk and do many nice things.

[MG]

oh.. good topic.

people should marry from their native country so they can bring thier cousins and give them permenant stay to uk. This way alot of Musilms will come to uk and do many nice things.

wat kinda "nice" things

[Chained_Water]

Nice things like sit on their butts whilst you pay the rent and look after the kids I 'spoze :D

[Freshie]

Nice things like sit on their butts whilst you pay the rent and look after the kids I 'spoze :D

sir, this is outrageous generalisation, when they come here, they work hard in kebabish and resturants and leave liek slaves. Whic is good for their benifector

[Freshie]

wat kinda "nice" things

Like, they become imam in masjid, taxi drivers, bus drivers, mistry, work in kebabish, washing dishes and make it big family, so muslims live easy in their country.

[MG]

Nice things like sit on their butts whilst you pay the rent and look after the kids I 'spoze :D


:rofl1: sounds about right

[Niqaabi]

is this still on the topic? just wondering cant be bothered to re-read the entire thread

[Freshie]

is this still on the topic? just wondering cant be bothered to re-read the entire thread

I said, they shold listen to their parents and marry thier cousins from back home.

I hope you agree.

[Niqaabi]

I said, they shold listen to their parents and marry thier cousins from back home.

I hope you agree.
:rotfl:
i beg to differ! i think they should listen to their parents, and clean the dishes!

[Salman Al-Farsi]

:rotfl:
i beg to differ! i think they should listen to their parents, and clean the dishes!

Don't they already do that? :nono:

[Niqaabi]

i do :D
i meant the bros as well, now get cooking!

[MG]

i do :D
i meant the bros as well, now get cooking!


fat chance of that happening!

[Niqaabi]

lol yeh true!
cooking for brothers is more like putting the baked beans tin into microwave.

[MG]

I said, they shold listen to their parents and marry thier cousins from back home.

I hope you agree.

defo a bro, gotta be

[imran1976]

fat chance of that happening!

hey what u think we can't do, see i can make tea , boil eggs, frie potatos & hmmmm isn't that enough.........:D

[moshyman]

I said, they shold listen to their parents and marry thier cousins from back home.

I hope you agree.

'sup bro, long time no see, how's the business?;)

[MG]

'sup bro, long time no see, how's the business?;)

he has no business, he is a student

[Salman Al-Farsi]

u mean she..

[MG]

u mean she..

sorry SHE has no businees . she is a student, try to latch a walaythee brother, watch out moshy, she could eb after u!

[Salman Al-Farsi]

sorry SHE has no businees . she is a student, try to latch a walaythee brother, watch out moshy, she could eb after u!

lol... that would be a real compatibility issue.

What a way to kill off such a good thread. :p

[moshyman]

sorry SHE has no businees . she is a student, try to latch a walaythee brother, watch out moshy, she could eb after u!

Lol can she cook? Tchssk at "walaythee"....

[MG]

lol... that would be a real compatibility issue.

What a way to kill off such a good thread. :p

phreshie + closet phreshie= Excellent match :D

[Salman Al-Farsi]

phreshie + closet phreshie= Excellent match :D

yeah, freshies, should marry freshies.

[imran1976]

now who the hell is freshie. Is freshie a he or is freshie a she, unless it becomes clear i think we shud call him 'khusra'............:rofl1: :rofl1: :rofl1:

[MG]

now who the hell is freshie. Is freshie a he or is freshie a she, unless it becomes clear i think we shud call him 'khusra'............:rofl1: :rofl1: :rofl1:

well if it was a "he" do u think moshyman would be offering to be her "walaythee dulha?"

[Freshie]

now who the hell is freshie. Is freshie a he or is freshie a she, unless it becomes clear i think we shud call him 'khusra'............:rofl1: :rofl1: :rofl1:


this very rude.. boss

[Freshie]

well if it was a "he" do u think moshyman would be offering to be her "walaythee dulha?"

what that mean?

[MG]

what that mean?

u have succeeded in getting a walaytee rishta :)

sona munda moshyman aka starfish wants to be your walaytee dulha, dont u read the threads freshie?

[Mujahedin]

As long as I can have intelligent discussions with her its ok, she doesnt have to be a Mensa member but you get the idea.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

As long as I can have intelligent discussions with her its ok, she doesnt have to be a Mensa member but you get the idea.

And if she is not intelligent??

Does she have to have a certain IQ level?

[Mujahedin]

And if she is not intelligent??

Does she have to have a certain IQ level?

I dont care about her IQ, as long as she is not a "bimbo" so to say then its ok. I mean when I talk to her I dont want to feel like I'm talking to a wall.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

I dont care about her IQ, as long as she is not a "bimbo" so to say then its ok. I mean when I talk to her I dont want to feel like I'm talking to a wall.

Is that all your require from your spouse to be?

[Mujahedin]

Is that all your require from your spouse to be?

Of course she has to be a good mosleem and have good values for our children to take after. And then we have the usual kind, caring etc.

[Ebony]

Is that all your require from your spouse to be?

You sound like a marriage bureau.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

You sound like a marriage bureau.

no, lol I am attempting to broaden their horizons. :rolleyes:

[Ebony]

no, lol I am attempting to broaden their horizons. :rolleyes:

(and your wallet)

[Ruqayya]

if one is too picky u cud lose out!

people these days are toooooooooooooo picky!

[Salman Al-Farsi]

people these days are toooooooooooooo picky!

so they lose out.

[Ebony]

Lose..not loose

~Red marker on the ready

[Amatullah_]

people these days are toooooooooooooo picky!

I swear I've heard these words before...:scratch:

[norrizah]

I'm not married yet and my age is nearly 30. For me, I do not look for handsome or educated man but I am looking for a man that really responsible especially in his religion and his life. It is much enough. But nowadays, it is really difficult to meet a man like that. Have any idea?

[ILM]

Islam, the Caste System, and Marriage
Answered by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, Leicester (UK)

Could you please tell me what Islam says about the caste system, which we can find in India and also in Pakistan? (E.g. one's zaat, if one is a Rajput or a Jatt etc). Perhaps this isn't so important to people today as it used to be, but many people still marry their kids within their own caste because of things like status etc. Isn't this wrong?



In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Suitability and compatibility (kafa’a) is one of the most important things that need to be considered when looking for a spouse. One of the main ingredients for a prosperous and successful marriage is compatibility. This is the reason why Islam laid great emphasis on it.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said:

“When you find a suitable partner for a widow (non-married woman, m), then conduct the marriage without any delay” (Sunan Tirmizi, 1/206).

Not going into the fiqhi details with regards to suitability (kafa’a), it is generally advised to look for a life partner who is compatible to you. He or she should have the same interests, aims, objectives and aspirations to you. When this is found in a certain person, then there should be no reason from abstaining from conducting the marriage.

With regards to the different casts and the tendency in many to marry within one’s own caste, if this is based purely on pride and vainglory, then it is certainly that is not in line with the teachings of Islam. Many times it is observed that all the other factors (of which religious piety is of utmost importance) are neglected, and only the aspect of lineage is given importance. This is something that certainly needs to be changed.

It should be remarked here that all non-Arabs are considered a suitable match to each other [and for Arabs without a known and established lineage to one of the original Arab tribes, which is rare, as mentioned by Ibn Abidin – F] from a fiqhi aspect. It could be so that a boy/girl from a different background altogether is a suitable match, rather than your cousin brother or sister. Students of sacred knowledge have a lot in common and it would be advisable to marry a fellow student from a different caste rather than your first cousin who does not have a clue what you are studying.

Pride, boasting and vainglory based on ancestry, lineage and origin has clearly been condemned in Islam. Allah Most High Says:

“O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other (not that you may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) most righteous of you” (Surah al-Hujurat, 13).

Allah Almighty also says:

“The believers are but a single brotherhood. So make peace and reconciliation between your two (contending) brothers” (al-Hujurat, 10).

The Messenger of Allah said:

“Verily Allah has removed from you the stupidity of the Jahiliyya and their boasting of their ancestors. Whether you are god-fearing believers or wretched sinners, you are the sons of Adam, and Adam was created from dust” (Sunan Abu Dawud,).

Therefore, basing the search for a suitable marriage partner purely on caste and family origin is certainly something that should be avoided. Parents and elders should be explained in a calm, polite and gentle manner along with complete respect and adab, that this is not something which Islam teaches. The first and primary consideration should be a person’s Deen.

And Allah knows best

[ILM]

The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained that the primary consideration in choosing a spouse should be their deen.

"Deen" is a very comprehensive word. It does not only mean praying and fasting. The deen relates to one's entire life-transaction:

(1) One's relationship to Allah, through belief, worship, and following His Commands;

(2) One's relationship to others, through being good in one's dealings, good character, honesty, uprightness, and so on;

Therefore, it covers:

(1) Belief;

(2) Outward worship;

(3) Good character and manners (akhlaq);

(4) Good, upright dealings with others (mu`amalat), in accordance to the Sacred Law and guidance of the Beloved of Allah (peace and blessings unlimited be upon him, his family, companions, and followers);

(5) One's turning to Allah in all one's affairs (suluk).

Therefore, these are things one needs to consider when marrying someone.

Someone with the above is better than someone of noble lineage or social standing with shortcomings in the above, and the former would be a more suitable choice in marriage. This is why another condition for a legal match is that their "deen" be comparable to the deen of the girl and her father. [Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said,

"Whoever's actions slow him down will not be speeded up by his lineage." [Muslim 4867, Tirmidhi 1853, Abu Dawud 1243]

[Khadhijah]

The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained that the primary consideration in choosing a spouse should be their deen.

"Deen" is a very comprehensive word. It does not only mean praying and fasting. The deen relates to one's entire life-transaction:

(1) One's relationship to Allah, through belief, worship, and following His Commands;

(2) One's relationship to others, through being good in one's dealings, good character, honesty, uprightness, and so on;

Therefore, it covers:

(1) Belief;

(2) Outward worship;

(3) Good character and manners (akhlaq);

(4) Good, upright dealings with others (mu`amalat), in accordance to the Sacred Law and guidance of the Beloved of Allah (peace and blessings unlimited be upon him, his family, companions, and followers);

(5) One's turning to Allah in all one's affairs (suluk).

Therefore, these are things one needs to consider when marrying someone.

Someone with the above is better than someone of noble lineage or social standing with shortcomings in the above, and the former would be a more suitable choice in marriage. This is why another condition for a legal match is that their "deen" be comparable to the deen of the girl and her father. [Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said,

"Whoever's actions slow him down will not be speeded up by his lineage." [Muslim 4867, Tirmidhi 1853, Abu Dawud 1243]
Masha Allah. Jazaka Allah Khayr sis. Very informative.

[Hijaban]

:salams
Compatibiltiy in marriage?
practicing educated sister not so practicing or educated brother wanting to get married to one another based only on love for one another oh yeah and from different countries.....Good idea bad idea???????? :scratch: Would such a marriage be blessed??:confused:

W/SALAAM

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Walakumsalaam

It will not work, most marriages or attempted marriages based on love devoid of realistic thinking do not work out, one only needs to look at examples of Romeo and Julliet, Laila and Majnoo etc.

As for blessing, well one of the reason we are suppose to marry is for their piety, if they are not pious ..whats the point?

[Kulthoom]

Walakumsalaam

It will not work, most marriages or attempted marriages based on love devoid of realistic thinking do not work out, one only needs to look at examples of Romeo and Julliet, Laila and Majnoo etc.

As for blessing, well one of the reason we are suppose to marry is for their piety, if they are not pious ..whats the point?
theres nothing wrng with romeo and juliet etc, if a marraige is soley based on that purpose then yes i agree it will never work and it has no basis.

However if a marraige is done for the purposes of piety and love then in my opinion that would be fine, we have to look at both sides, we can go to the extreme of just love, a person may be pious, but if they have no love and compassion within them then it sucks :(

[witty]

no one can be totally pious but loving someone for their goodness and their fear/remembrance of God is the most important thing.. idle love cannot be eternal or successful.. whats the basis of love that has no grounding in islam? Beauty? Intelligence? Both these things erode with time.

[Hijaban]

THANK U For all ur advice just like to say not exactly romeo and juliet more family politics and stress.Inshallah sabar and dua will help-pray:

[witty]

Sometimes families say some things we dont want to hear but its for the best. Sometimes, its not justified, but yeh inshallah pray for the best and remember allah is close to us. I hope your issue gets resolved, and (romeo and juliet are annoying).

[Salman Al-Farsi]

oh please spare me.. not love again. it has been discussed thoroughly all over the forum.

[Hijaban]

True i agree but there r certain family members who dont always want the best for u.Does anybody have any dua's they could please recommend:rolleyes:
Jazakallah Kheir

[Ebony]

oh please spare me.. not love again. it has been discussed thoroughly all over the forum.

:rotfl:
Sounds like you need to join the Anti-Mush Squad.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

True i agree but there r certain family members who dont always want the best for u.Does anybody have any dua's they could please recommend:rolleyes:
Jazakallah Kheir

I agree, these are real problems and we have to view them practically to find a real solution and of course make dua same time.

[witty]

hijaban.. Theres many - have a look at www.duas.org (http://www.duas.org)

Salman: you partypooper ;) Love is the way to Allah - not always reasoning. And love of creation is part of our deen.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

hijaban.. Theres many - have a look at www.duas.org (http://www.duas.org/)

Salman: you partypooper ;) Love is the way to Allah - not always reasoning. And love of creation is part of our deen.

as I said, it has been discussed thoroughly.

[witty]

Right. Anyway, here's two good links:
http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/dua77.htm
and
Dua e Mashlool - http://www.duas.org/mashlool.htm

[Hijaban]

as I said, it has been discussed thoroughly.

:up: THANKS for all ur help i'l stop now dont want to annoy Salman :)

[ABDELWAHHAB]

I'm not married yet and my age is nearly 30.
as-Salaamu wa Alaykom wa-Rahmatullaahi wa-Barakaatuh Ukhtee Norrizah

The best advice I can give you is to in'shaa'ALLAH Pray Duaa to ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala asking ALLAH to get you Ukhtee Norrizah married soon and in'shaa'ALLAH all your prayers will be answer. Remember this please that at age 30 you Ukhtee Norrizah are a very wise educated Muminah Alhamdulillaah wa ma'shaa'ALLAH and in'shaa'ALLAH you Ukhtee Norrizah will make an Excellent Muminah Wife and an Excellent Muminah Mother.
Whenever you feel worried and sad about something in your life, you should count all of your entire blessings that ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you. It will take you here and hereafter to count your entire blessings that ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you and you will never be done. ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala has been most generous to you since your birth. So whenever you feel worried and sad about something in your life, say AL-HAMDO LILLAHI RABBIL 'ALAMIN!. The fact is that ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala cares about you dearly and ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta'ala loves you dearly and that is all what matters here and the hereafter.
ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!!!!!!
ALLAH ma As-Sabereen!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al-Hilali/Khan Translation Interpretation of the Meaning of Surah Al-Baqarah 2 Ayat 151-153 and 186
Surah Al-Baqarah 2 Ayat 151-153 and 186
151. Similarly (to complete My Blessings on you) We have sent among you a Messenger (Muhammad :saw: ) of your own, reciting to you Our Verses (the Qur'ân) and sanctifying you, and teaching you the Book (the Qur'ân) and the Hikmah (i.e. Sunnah, Islâmic laws and Fiqh - jurisprudence), and teaching you that which you used not to know.

152. Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.

153. O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salât (the prayer). Truly! Allâh is with As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).

186. And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad :saw: ) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.

Shakir Translation Interpretation of the Meaning of Surah Al-Baqarah 2 Ayah 186

"2.186": And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make you Ukhtee Norrizah get married soon. May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make your future marriage be a tremendous immense infinite happy success in this earth and in the highest Jannatul.
May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make you Ukhtee Norrizah have kids who love you dearly and take care of you dearly in your old age
May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make you Ukhtee Norrizah become a strong firm Muminah excellent Mother who will raise your kids to be successfull excellent Muminneen.
May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala shower an immense infinite Baraka of the Highest Jannatul on to you Ukhtee Norrizah on this earth and in the Highest Jannatul.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please in'shaa'ALLAH check out this website for duaas

Theres many - have a look at www.duas.org (http://www.duas.org)

[mara]

Walakumsalaam

It will not work, most marriages or attempted marriages based on love devoid of realistic thinking do not work out, one only needs to look at examples of Romeo and Julliet, Laila and Majnoo etc.

The romanticism is burried?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

The romanticism is burried?

It naturally occurs in a healthy marriage based on real emotions and a bond based on thought and pleasure of Allah Tala.

[Kulthoom]

It naturally occurs in a healthy marriage based on real emotions and a bond based on thought and pleasure of Allah Tala.
lol bro you make it sound like rocket science :rotfl: it is based on human emotions and a close tie of affection :p

[Salman Al-Farsi]

lol bro you make it sound like rocket science :rotfl: it is based on human emotions and a close tie of affection :p

My sis, it is rocket science.. trust me :rolleyes:

[Kulthoom]

My sis, it is rocket science.. trust me :rolleyes:
okay bro ill ask you in a few years ;) when you get married it'll be all natural affection :p


SALMAN: :)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>:inlove:

hehehe!

[witty]

:up: THANKS for all ur help i'l stop now dont want to annoy Salman :)

You shouldn't have to stop. People get annoyed and uptight all the time :), some more so than others. But anyway, may Allah have mercy on your situation and resolve the complex issues you must be going through. These things can be a real emotional burden. Goodluck.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Many many years.. not a few :D

[Kulthoom]

Many many years.. not a few :D
whatever :evilb: ,...we'll see who traps you in thier net of love !

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Lahol Wala Quata Illa Billah


:rolleyes:

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:


:salams

Love= Snicker bar :love:

:salams

[Ebony]

Love is the wonderful potion that relieves all ailments?

Some people need to come out of the Twilight Zone

[SoulAsylum]

lol bro you make it sound like rocket science :rotfl: it is based on human emotions and a close tie of affection :p

yeh :up: , well said.

[sajid]

*yawn*

welcome to the 436th thread on Love

gosh it gets boring after a while!

[student'86]

I would like to add to this thread :)

I used to think that you should marry someone who had nearly everything in common with you so that you had familiar ground to share for the rest of your days....alas I have soon learnt this is foolish.

People change, interests change, fashions change....you can not rely on having so much in common one year to keep you together for the next 70 years! :rubeyes:

I have now come to the conclusion that affection does indeed matter as you need to be concerned about your spouse should they become saddened or unwell and you should honestly wish to do your best to help them at all times :)

I also beleive that you need to find some one that you get along with and who is benifical to developing your character. They do not need to have a lot of common interests so long as you can live in harmony with them and help to better each other. Which will help you more in the long run? ;)

Me and my partner have a lot of differences in taste and interests but we help each other and care for each other. He is my strength when I am weak and I am his peace when he is vexed. We always want the best for each other and help each other so I see this (personally lol) as a good match :)

[Mira]

I would like to add to this thread :)

I used to think that you should marry someone who had nearly everything in common with you so that you had familiar ground to share for the rest of your days....alas I have soon learnt this is foolish.

People change, interests change, fashions change....you can not rely on having so much in common one year to keep you together for the next 70 years! :rubeyes:

I have now come to the conclusion that affection does indeed matter as you need to be concerned about your spouse should they become saddened or unwell and you should honestly wish to do your best to help them at all times :)

I also beleive that you need to find some one that you get along with and who is benifical to developing your character. They do not need to have a lot of common interests so long as you can live in harmony with them and help to better each other. Which will help you more in the long run? ;)

Me and my partner have a lot of differences in taste and interests but we help each other and care for each other. He is my strength when I am weak and I am his peace when he is vexed. We always want the best for each other and help each other so I see this (personally lol) as a good match :)

Masha'Allah Sis! You are indeed mature for your age :D

[Kulthoom]

I would like to add to this thread :)

I used to think that you should marry someone who had nearly everything in common with you so that you had familiar ground to share for the rest of your days....alas I have soon learnt this is foolish.

People change, interests change, fashions change....you can not rely on having so much in common one year to keep you together for the next 70 years! :rubeyes:

I have now come to the conclusion that affection does indeed matter as you need to be concerned about your spouse should they become saddened or unwell and you should honestly wish to do your best to help them at all times :)

I also beleive that you need to find some one that you get along with and who is benifical to developing your character. They do not need to have a lot of common interests so long as you can live in harmony with them and help to better each other. Which will help you more in the long run? ;)

Me and my partner have a lot of differences in taste and interests but we help each other and care for each other. He is my strength when I am weak and I am his peace when he is vexed. We always want the best for each other and help each other so I see this (personally lol) as a good match :)
couldnt have said it better myself :up:, a difference of interest is great as you learn to grow. explore and appreciate each other

[Freshie]

Compatibility issue not matter really, if one from england and one from back home, its perfect. :up:

[MG]

Compatibility issue not matter really, if one from england and one from back home, its perfect. :up:

for whom....:rubeyes:

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Compatibility issue not matter really, if one from england and one from back home, its perfect. :up:

Ony if things were that easy. The bond of self-interest would never set correct basis for a marriage.

[MG]

Ony if things were that easy. The bond of self-interest would never set correct basis for a marriage.


:D

[Niqaabi]

Love,
What is Love?

Love is different for everyone,
Love is when its an all day back to back episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants.

[moshyman]

Love,
What is Love?

Love is different for everyone,
Love is when its an all day back to back episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants.

That really is love... :rolleyes:

[Zrq]

love is created by allah swt, he are lord has burried this feeling deep inside we cannot escape, wont even try, love is the best thing in the world.
the fact is whatever were given whereever we are we will never be satisfied, cos thats who we are, love brings peace, peace is islam. SO STOP and THINK look who we are look how we were formed look wherw were ending, why is the world changing.

take a deep breath and say I LOVE ISLAM.

[Hafsah]

love is created by allah swt, he are lord has burried this feeling deep inside we cannot escape, wont even try, love is the best thing in the world.
the fact is whatever were given whereever we are we will never be satisfied, cos thats who we are, love brings peace, peace is islam. SO STOP and THINK look who we are look how we were formed look wherw were ending, why is the world changing.

take a deep breath and say I LOVE ISLAM.

what has love got to do with compatability? thought that was the subject...not love *yawn* :rolleyes:

[Salman Al-Farsi]

'love' keeps creeping into marriage discussions.. argg.

[Ebony]

It seeps in everywhere

[Salman Al-Farsi]

:(

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:


:salams

'Ti Amo' ?!?!

~ please get real :freedom: what a bunch of {edited for health and safety reasons}

:salams

[Ebony]

This may be funny for some people..but really....its starting to peeve me off BADLY :mad:

[Hafsah]

This may be funny for some people..but really....its starting to peeve me off BADLY :mad:

me 2 :freedom:

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

I know the love thang is stressed upon in marriage and i can understand that but also i want to talk about compatability in marriage with regards to people's beliefs. This isn't an issue of Muslim and non Muslim getting married, more so about two Muslims getting married yet have different views.

Is it possible to live and interact well with a spouse who has different views, Say one regards practically most things as Bidaah, yet the other one doesn't. Is it possible to live in harmony? Is it worth entering a marriage with them as the perfect spouse i.e. someone who agrees with your views i doubt exists, yet we look for people with similar views yet what if there was someone and had different views to an extent where it was 'opposites attract' scenario (or opposites ATTACK :p ). Would you enter a marriage like that? Or have done and experince shows it's not so bad/is bad?

Answers appreciated but i don't want this to turn out to be a lovey dovey thread, if loveis connected with your answer then sure use it but please don't make this thread into a harlequin (sp?) novel :p


:salams

[sajid]

i think there is no such thing as "perfect partner"

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

[30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

:salams

[MG]

:start:


:salams




I know the love thang is stressed upon in marriage and i can understand that but also i want to talk about compatability in marriage with regards to people's beliefs. This isn't an issue of Muslim and non Muslim getting married, more so about two Muslims getting married yet have different views.

Is it possible to live and interact well with a spouse who has different views, Say one regards practically most things as Bidaah, yet the other one doesn't. Is it possible to live in harmony? Is it worth entering a marriage with them as the perfect spouse i.e. someone who agrees with your views i doubt exists, yet we look for people with similar views yet what if there was someone and had different views to an extent where it was 'opposites attract' scenario (or opposites ATTACK :p ). Would you enter a marriage like that? Or have done and experince shows it's not so bad/is bad?

Answers appreciated but i don't want this to turn out to be a lovey dovey thread, if loveis connected with your answer then sure use it but please don't make this thread into a harlequin (sp?) novel :p


:salams

when it comes to religious differences (i.e both muslims) it depnds how deep these differences are or how big, if one believes certain things to be bidah then how will u both live in harmony?
Islam is wat will keep u both together and help u thru your difficult times and if you cant even agree on things that are in islam, then there is not point.

But u have to use your discretion and look at things like, " What are things that u clash on religiously"

"how Big/or imporatant a part are they in islam?"

"could these things lead u to separate?"

"how important are these things to you in your life"


somebody who i had alot of religious differences with (he was muslim) wanted to marry me but i had to really really think hard cos, evrything was perfect to me except for that part, his differences were too big for me, and i could already see us clashing especially when it would come to our kids, so i jus said no and to this day i believe i made the right decision.

But the person in this situation will know best for themselves, as all situations are different.

[.: Anna :.]

Sis I think it will be MUCH easier if u agree on the majority of issues especially on ur understanding of Islam because it is that which should determine ur way of life. If you have major differences in understanding it would lead to constant clashes :S