faqir
11-03-05, 09:13 AM
http://www.islamonline.net/livedialogue/english/Browse.asp?hGuestID=H21Y8Z
Name Faraz Rabbani - Jordan
Profession Student
Question
As-Salamu`alaykum wa rahmatullah. Barak Allahu feekumaa. What would be you advice for a young person who feels disenchanted with the Muslim community, and with his family, and prefers the company of his young non-Muslim friends?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
As-Salamu `alaykum.
Before I answer the question, I would like to say salam and ask that you give my salams to Shireen and the family. It's been a long time.
Anyways, if I was presented with a young person who had become disenchanted with the Muslim community the first thing I would do, would be to find out what their specific issues were with the community and address them.
The next issue I would address is that this emotion of disenchantment is an expression of some other sentiment. What caused it? Why is this specific emotion being generalized to an entire community, this of course is illogical.
I would then address the issue of the non-Muslim friends. What is it in them that not having Islam is a benefit to them? Are they more loyal to him than the Muslims and his family? Are they better, more generous, do they love him more etc.?
I would then talk to them about why Allah SWT has advised us not to take the non-believers as our awliya' or our patrons. His point of coming close to the non Muslims is that they reject Allah SWT and this is something he needs to really think about, because this is a direct reflection of his own relationship with Allah SWT.
This would lead into what is his purpose here in life. What is he gaining? As a Muslim he must believe in the akhira (Day of Judgement). Allah SWT has asked us to invest in the akhira and not in this world, because really many times we prefer to hang out with non-Muslims because we wish to follow our desires, not thinking of where this will lead us.
It is important that every Muslim old and young understand that their complete goal in this life, must be to gain the pleasure of Allah SWT in order to enter Jannah. And the last reminder that I would give is that people on the Day of Judgement will be with those that they love.
May Allah SWT grant us all the pleasure of being with the righteous.
Allah SWT knows best.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. May Allah, the most Kind, most Merciful bestow upon us His peace and tranquility and replace our sadness and frustration with tawakul (ultimate reliance on Allah), yaqeen (certainty) and sakeena (divine tranquility).
It is good to hear from a dear friend by Allah's mercy, who could easily have answered such a question as well, with Allah's mercy.
So many times it is easy to become disheartened by the actions of some individuals especially within the name of Islam. This is because we perceive the actions of some to be contrary to the teachings of Islam even though the people doing them may actually claim to do things that are Islamic. Especially if there is a love of Islam in our hearts, the actions of those who do things to the contrary can be quite hurtful. To the point where we may choose to disassociate ourselves from such people.
This question has several dimensions and I will quickly address a few of them:
1) It is always important that we look within ourselves first when we face such dilemmas. But this is something that this young person needs to reflect upon, starting with why Allah created us - what is our purpose? Many times we forget about that. Why did Allah place the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the heart of jahiliyah and amongst the worst of people? He had a mission, connected to a divine purpose. So too we must begin to understand that Allah created us for a purpose which we must fulfill as well.
2) One of the things that we often have to focus on is how to change the way we see the world. Some of the questions I would ask this young person are: When you look at the Muslims or family members, you see all negatives? Would you want all people to see you the same way? How would the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) deal with such things, given that he was the most perfect example? And remember how he treated those who were most vile to him. He reminded us that when people throw stones at Muslims, we are like trees, we give them fruit in return.
3) I would also request this young person to learn to look at the world differently, MAYBE if he/she listens to theirselves, they will realise there is some pride in their words. As to why they see some people as being not "worthy" of their company. Force yourself to see something positive. When you think of negative things, think first- what is there that is positive. Think, "Am I perfect?" - "If I want Allah to overlook my flaws - then I need to overlook the flaws of his servants" Every time the negative comes to you from Shaytan, replace it with the positive from Allah. (If you can grab a copy of "Don't Sweat the Small stuff" - read it insha'Allah.)
4) We cannot cut ourselves off from our family. Unless we are being physically hurt or harmed we must maintain some type of respectable relationship with them.
5) In instances, there may be a need to be with good non-Muslim friends who are respectable and respect our faith and will not encourage us to do anything that will go against the will of Allah. Especially if the Muslims to whom this young person is exposed are corrupt in very bad ways, then they may need to make this decision. But this requires more dialogue.
6) To this young person, I say Remember that YOU can make a difference - instead of waiting to see the difference - find out what you CAN do to make a difference. Allah SWT says "Kuntum Khayra Ummatin Ukhrijat li Nas" (You are the best of peoples raised up for mankind) because we have a mission to fulfill for Allah. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a hadith that "the person who stays with people and endures their pain and suffering is better than the one who has secluded himself from people and their pain." I would also advise you to look to the advice of Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) when you see negative things - "hate the sin - not the sinner". Maybe what is lacking is adab - manners. But it was also lacking in many of those who lived in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) - he met their hostility with kindness and mercy.
Finally, remember that through patience and kindness, by Allah's mercy, we can make a difference in the world that we live in. It is important that we find good company of those who will remind us of Allah and our duty towards him, who will not disrespect us or try to turn us away from our deen.
If we struggle in this life for the sake of Allah, enduring the hurt and pain of people, Allah will bless us with what we truly seek - His pleasure.
And Allah knows best.
Name Faraz Rabbani - Jordan
Profession Student
Question
As-Salamu`alaykum wa rahmatullah. Barak Allahu feekumaa. What would be you advice for a young person who feels disenchanted with the Muslim community, and with his family, and prefers the company of his young non-Muslim friends?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
As-Salamu `alaykum.
Before I answer the question, I would like to say salam and ask that you give my salams to Shireen and the family. It's been a long time.
Anyways, if I was presented with a young person who had become disenchanted with the Muslim community the first thing I would do, would be to find out what their specific issues were with the community and address them.
The next issue I would address is that this emotion of disenchantment is an expression of some other sentiment. What caused it? Why is this specific emotion being generalized to an entire community, this of course is illogical.
I would then address the issue of the non-Muslim friends. What is it in them that not having Islam is a benefit to them? Are they more loyal to him than the Muslims and his family? Are they better, more generous, do they love him more etc.?
I would then talk to them about why Allah SWT has advised us not to take the non-believers as our awliya' or our patrons. His point of coming close to the non Muslims is that they reject Allah SWT and this is something he needs to really think about, because this is a direct reflection of his own relationship with Allah SWT.
This would lead into what is his purpose here in life. What is he gaining? As a Muslim he must believe in the akhira (Day of Judgement). Allah SWT has asked us to invest in the akhira and not in this world, because really many times we prefer to hang out with non-Muslims because we wish to follow our desires, not thinking of where this will lead us.
It is important that every Muslim old and young understand that their complete goal in this life, must be to gain the pleasure of Allah SWT in order to enter Jannah. And the last reminder that I would give is that people on the Day of Judgement will be with those that they love.
May Allah SWT grant us all the pleasure of being with the righteous.
Allah SWT knows best.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. May Allah, the most Kind, most Merciful bestow upon us His peace and tranquility and replace our sadness and frustration with tawakul (ultimate reliance on Allah), yaqeen (certainty) and sakeena (divine tranquility).
It is good to hear from a dear friend by Allah's mercy, who could easily have answered such a question as well, with Allah's mercy.
So many times it is easy to become disheartened by the actions of some individuals especially within the name of Islam. This is because we perceive the actions of some to be contrary to the teachings of Islam even though the people doing them may actually claim to do things that are Islamic. Especially if there is a love of Islam in our hearts, the actions of those who do things to the contrary can be quite hurtful. To the point where we may choose to disassociate ourselves from such people.
This question has several dimensions and I will quickly address a few of them:
1) It is always important that we look within ourselves first when we face such dilemmas. But this is something that this young person needs to reflect upon, starting with why Allah created us - what is our purpose? Many times we forget about that. Why did Allah place the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the heart of jahiliyah and amongst the worst of people? He had a mission, connected to a divine purpose. So too we must begin to understand that Allah created us for a purpose which we must fulfill as well.
2) One of the things that we often have to focus on is how to change the way we see the world. Some of the questions I would ask this young person are: When you look at the Muslims or family members, you see all negatives? Would you want all people to see you the same way? How would the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) deal with such things, given that he was the most perfect example? And remember how he treated those who were most vile to him. He reminded us that when people throw stones at Muslims, we are like trees, we give them fruit in return.
3) I would also request this young person to learn to look at the world differently, MAYBE if he/she listens to theirselves, they will realise there is some pride in their words. As to why they see some people as being not "worthy" of their company. Force yourself to see something positive. When you think of negative things, think first- what is there that is positive. Think, "Am I perfect?" - "If I want Allah to overlook my flaws - then I need to overlook the flaws of his servants" Every time the negative comes to you from Shaytan, replace it with the positive from Allah. (If you can grab a copy of "Don't Sweat the Small stuff" - read it insha'Allah.)
4) We cannot cut ourselves off from our family. Unless we are being physically hurt or harmed we must maintain some type of respectable relationship with them.
5) In instances, there may be a need to be with good non-Muslim friends who are respectable and respect our faith and will not encourage us to do anything that will go against the will of Allah. Especially if the Muslims to whom this young person is exposed are corrupt in very bad ways, then they may need to make this decision. But this requires more dialogue.
6) To this young person, I say Remember that YOU can make a difference - instead of waiting to see the difference - find out what you CAN do to make a difference. Allah SWT says "Kuntum Khayra Ummatin Ukhrijat li Nas" (You are the best of peoples raised up for mankind) because we have a mission to fulfill for Allah. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a hadith that "the person who stays with people and endures their pain and suffering is better than the one who has secluded himself from people and their pain." I would also advise you to look to the advice of Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) when you see negative things - "hate the sin - not the sinner". Maybe what is lacking is adab - manners. But it was also lacking in many of those who lived in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) - he met their hostility with kindness and mercy.
Finally, remember that through patience and kindness, by Allah's mercy, we can make a difference in the world that we live in. It is important that we find good company of those who will remind us of Allah and our duty towards him, who will not disrespect us or try to turn us away from our deen.
If we struggle in this life for the sake of Allah, enduring the hurt and pain of people, Allah will bless us with what we truly seek - His pleasure.
And Allah knows best.