View Full Version : love marriages
young muslim
03-07-02, 12:38 PM
love marriages are not really evryones thing are they
Muslim Sista
03-07-02, 12:41 PM
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
hmm
I am looking for wife and you scared me for this information!!
:(
Originally posted by muslim sister
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
AmusedII
03-07-02, 01:01 PM
Originally posted by muslim sister
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
Ha ha ha ,
Relax Bilal, the numbers are not quite that high. Even if they were who would want to be stuck in a marraige with someone they did not love ??
Outcider
03-07-02, 01:13 PM
Originally posted by young muslim
love marriages are not really evryones thing are they
Unfortunately old habits are still rampant in some places. Love marriages are what most people look for. And good luck, Bilal. Don't forget that interdenominational marriages also exist.
love marriages usually involves some haraam means of communication. and when this leads to marriage, there's very little barakah in the marriage and that's why they break up. (i think). the situation is different for everybody tho, a lot of it depends on the person too.
kenwayy
03-07-02, 02:38 PM
Well, I suspect that if I were forced into marrage with the threat of death if I don't or try and leave them, then yes, I probably wouldn't
Originally posted by kenwayy
Well, I suspect that if I were forced into marrage with the threat of death if I don't or try and leave them, then yes, I probably wouldn't
well forced marriage has no basis in islaam. it's not allowed.
forced marriage come from the hindus culture which has unfortunately seeped into some muslims
Originally posted by Bilal
hmm
I am looking for wife and you scared me for this information!!
:(
Bilal:
Want a prediction? You will find your wife when you quit looking for her. Good luck and God Bless. I don't want to embarrass you, but I bet that you will proove to be the "best catch" of all the eligible bachelors here at ummah.com.
Peace,
AmGod
EVILution
03-07-02, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by young muslim
love marriages are not really evryones thing are they
Aslaam u Alaikum sis,
Now love marriage, what does it mean? It means falling in love before marriage and then getting married on the basis of love. Prophet Muhammad(saw) said in your partner, there will be wealth, beauty, religion and status and then pick religion and you will prosper. Isn't love blind, yes it is, thus meaning that you will make a choice other than religion in him/her!
Now by falling in love, we are looking at freely mixing with the opposite sex, again this is forbidden in Islam cos in a hadith I read, the first glance is forgiven but the second isn't! It's better that u speak behind a screen with the opposite sex to keep ur heart clean.
Choosing your partner in Islam is permissable and you can look at your partner that u are surely going to marry but only moderately!
i dont think 'true' love exists before marriage... although people might think they are in love before marriage... it is nothing compared to the love between a married couple because Allah says in the Qur'an that it is He that creates the love between the hearts of the husband and wife.
EVILution
03-07-02, 04:58 PM
True brother Seven, but misconceptions lead some ppl to think otherwise, May Allah keep all of our hearts pure. Ameen.
pathenry
03-07-02, 04:59 PM
Women and Children are chattel, property of their parents until the Male is emancipated or the Female is traded to others. However, the female children must not be killed no matter how poor the family is. Women are valued as much as horses. A non-virgin may give her consent but a more valuable virgin has to object to avoid being traded. A family member negotiates for each family. It is permissible but not required that the female be told about the issues.
But all in all this was par for the 800s.
Pat
Is this another slandering post
you mentioned the marriage bit pat, lets hear the Qur'an bit now?
AnnaMarie
03-07-02, 05:40 PM
all I have to say is that I's really want to get to know everything about the man I am going to marry and have his children because remember you are going to be spending your whole life with them and you don't want it to be with someone who you disagree with about everything and you don't love.well thats just me to each his own.
Amir Ali
03-07-02, 06:11 PM
Peace be upon you all,
Love - haraam? I see evil has reached here before I did....I would have it no other way I can't imagine anyone getting married for money, pleasure of society, and all that phoney cr@p.
Khalil Gibran on Love:
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there
fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
pathenry
03-07-02, 06:28 PM
Each of the statements above the 800s line is a verse from the Qur'an.
Note, however that this was fairly typical of the times.
In the US women were chattel up until the 1900s and the first trail that protected children from their parents was tried under the Humane Society's Cruelty to Animals Law--in the 20th century I think.
Pat
pathenry
03-07-02, 06:31 PM
It may have been the East that introduced the concept of romantic love to the West at about the time of the Pope's crusades.
Help please. How old is Albelard and Heloise?
Can anyone think of earlier literature about romantic love?
Pat
Thanks AmGod,
The problem that I want my wife to agree to live in Palestine.
Thanks again for your sincere reply
Originally posted by AmGod
Bilal:
Want a prediction? You will find your wife when you quit looking for her. Good luck and God Bless. I don't want to embarrass you, but I bet that you will proove to be the "best catch" of all the eligible bachelors here at ummah.com.
Peace,
AmGod
Amir Ali
03-07-02, 08:41 PM
Peace be upon you Pat Henry,
You wrote:
"It may have been the East that introduced the concept of romantic love to the West at about the time of the Pope's crusades."
Help please. How old is Albelard and Heloise?
Can anyone think of earlier literature about romantic love?"
Alberad and Heloise is Early 12th century.
The greatest romantic literature I have read have all been Persian. These were tales as early as 4th century AD.
1. Laila and Majnun - by Nizami (based in North Africa). This is a tale of the height of love. Layla and Qays were lovers from different tribes and were separated- the separation caused Qays to become a "madman". He talked to the wind, animals and the birds about his love for Laila. People called him "Majnun" which translated literaly means "One who has an obsession" Its a Masterpiece by Nizam.
2. Sheikh of Sanan and the Christian Maiden. By Fariduddin Attar told in the book "Conference of the Birds") A Great Islamic Sheikh in Mecca who has hundreds of student learning under him goes to Constantinople with his students and falls in love with a Christian woman. This is a classic and a personal favorite.
3. Shirin and Khusrau. by Nizami. Shirin - an Armenian Princess and the Emperor of Persia in the 4th century. And the passionate lover of Shirin called Farhad who the emperor just hated and gave impossible tasks to like carving a tunnel through a mountain - it is said upon every stroke of the hammer on the chisel Farhad evoked the name of his beloved Shirin.
Peace.
Crusade and Romantic love!!
So funny…………..
In Middle Ages the church was against any kind of love and against women. At that moment the Crusaders learned from Muslims how to behave like human!!
Romantic Love is essential and historical part from Muslims and Middle Eastern cultures.
In Middle Ages, the Catholic religious men were fighting love and even marriage (because Jesus did not marry). In modern ages, the West believes that Love is just sexual relations, so they killed the real meaning of Love.
Originally posted by pathenry
It may have been the East that introduced the concept of romantic love to the West at about the time of the Pope's crusades.
Help please. How old is Albelard and Heloise?
Can anyone think of earlier literature about romantic love?
Pat
AbuMubarak
05-07-02, 01:54 AM
Question:
I am currently in a sitaution that may be common among the muslim community. I have met a wonderful Muslim XXX girl six months ago, I am XXX. We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other. Everything about our relationship has been wonderful.I feel Allah has brought us together. We have talked about marriage and both agree we want to spend our lives together.Now here is where the problem begins.Her father would not agree to marry her to anyone but a XXX that he has chosen in an arranged marriage.Even if she doesnt love him. I have spoken to her mother and she really likes me.She tried to talk to her husband but he wouldnt listen.Now it looks like her dad will arrange a marriage for her soon. What can we DO!!!I dont want to lose her I love her soooo much.Is there anything we can do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Praise be to Allaah besides Whom there is nobody to praise when calamity strikes.
My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance.
Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the shar’i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:79]
it comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in sharee’ah, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allaah.
Don’t you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allaah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love – which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin. You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it.
You have been very frank in describing this disease from its onset, and how you fell into this devilish trap, when you said in your question: “I have met a wonderful Muslim girl six months ago... We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other.”
But you mention that you feel that Allaah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allaah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allaah. But if you meant that Allaah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, (this is wrong, because) Allaah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allaah likes it or approves of it. Allaah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows.
If you say now that what has happened has happened, and cannot be changed, so what can we do about this father who is standing in the way of these two lovers who want to get married?
I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts – in halaal ways, of course – to persuade this father, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre where the father goes, and so on, and praying earnestly to Allaah to make this girl part of your lot in life if this is good for you and for her. If what you want happens, then praise be to Allaah, Who is the Giver of bounty and blessings.
But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and the wind blows in the way that the sailor does not like (i.e., things do not go the way you hoped), then you should know that from the point of view of sharee’ah you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian – which is her father in the case – because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges.
It is impossible for running away with this girl to be a valid solution, either in this world or in the next.
We must also ask some other questions raised by your situation, such as: what is your commitment to Islam – do you pray regularly, for example? Does she adhere to the hijaab prescribed by sharee’ah? What is the attitude of your own family to the idea of your marrying this girl?
Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allaah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. If this girl is not destined to be your lot in life, then we ask Allaah to compensate you with someone better than her. “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost.” [Yoosuf 12:90 – interpretation of the meaning].
pathenry
05-07-02, 04:57 AM
can a woman be forced to marry someone she does not want to.
However, it's your choice. Not whether you will be happy for the rest of your life but whether you are man enough to help a girl you love who is about to be submitted to ritual rape for and by her father as though she's his property. Forget yourself and help her.
If the girl is a US Citizen, her father may be selling her to a man who will try gain US citizenship, not only for himself for his entire extended family.
But again, it's your choice.
Pat
jacobblutosky
05-07-02, 05:19 AM
where the father gained some advantage like money! Some marraiges were arranged for the benifit of the young people or for tribal or clan affiliations. I believe that Allah is the true matchmaker for reasons that are not always apparent. I put my faith in Allah for what was proper for me and I was rewarded and have been very happy discovering what Allah has intended for Husband and Wife. Submission was the key for me, submission to the Wisdom of Allah!
Originally posted by Kohr-Ah
Is this another slandering post
I think its just *ignorant*
Originally posted by young muslim
love marriages are not really evryones thing are they
um - just curious how people here (who don;t go for the love marriages ) think about ... that first nite ... I just can't imagine getting into bed with .. someone I don't have romantic feelings for. Is this not an issue for most people?
A life without love...? Why, that's terrible!
AbuMubarak
07-07-02, 12:43 PM
first comes the obligation of marriage
then comes the attraction (or acceptability) of the spouse
then comes respect of mutual goals and aspirations
then comes love
if put love first, when it goes, the marriage goes
marriage is a committment, not a movie to enjoy or walk out of
my kafir grandparents were married for over 70 years, you think they "loved" each other when they first met, or during the entire time?
but they were committed to each other, and they respected each other and they respected their "vows"
they knew at the age of 20 that you get married and you STAY married, period, this lovey-dovey stuff is why most marriages in the west fail, you put the cart before the horse
StickyPeas
07-07-02, 01:07 PM
that jus sums it all up i think
;)
Originally posted by Raafi
first comes the obligation of marriage
then comes the attraction (or acceptability) of the spouse
then comes respect of mutual goals and aspirations
then comes love
if put love first, when it goes, the marriage goes
marriage is a committment, not a movie to enjoy or walk out of
my kafir grandparents were married for over 70 years, you think they "loved" each other when they first met, or during the entire time?
but they were committed to each other, and they respected each other and they respected their "vows"
they knew at the age of 20 that you get married and you STAY married, period, this lovey-dovey stuff is why most marriages in the west fail, you put the cart before the horse
There is definately something to what you say!!
I read a book about 'love' by writer named erich fromme. He Sees the modern notion of love as *market driven* We (modern westerners) go out in the 'market' & promote our product - "me" & shop for someone who fills our list of what we look for in a product. It is a very intersting analysis. I buy this take on romanitc love to some degree. However, my own personal take on the prior success of non-love marriages and the emphasis on romantic love today has to do a lot with the focus on(or the liberation of the individual). Back in the day, people felt some group they belonged to was more important than them as a single person - and I believe this was true. But today one must find one's identity in oneself - for example, I am struggling to be a writer - (oh this is getting long)
The path of the individual is a hard row to hoe. When you get out there, you are alone, but that is what you asked for. That is the model of the modern western society. It works for some modern westerners, but not for all!
WOnder if this makes sense to you ?
L
Kasim2k7
12-03-08, 04:12 PM
Question:
I am currently in a sitaution that may be common among the muslim community. I have met a wonderful Muslim XXX girl six months ago, I am XXX. We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other. Everything about our relationship has been wonderful.I feel Allah has brought us together. We have talked about marriage and both agree we want to spend our lives together.Now here is where the problem begins.Her father would not agree to marry her to anyone but a XXX that he has chosen in an arranged marriage.Even if she doesnt love him. I have spoken to her mother and she really likes me.She tried to talk to her husband but he wouldnt listen.Now it looks like her dad will arrange a marriage for her soon. What can we DO!!!I dont want to lose her I love her soooo much.Is there anything we can do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Praise be to Allaah besides Whom there is nobody to praise when calamity strikes.
My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance.
Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the shar’i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:79]
it comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in sharee’ah, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allaah.
Don’t you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allaah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love – which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin. You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it.
You have been very frank in describing this disease from its onset, and how you fell into this devilish trap, when you said in your question: “I have met a wonderful Muslim girl six months ago... We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other.”
But you mention that you feel that Allaah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allaah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allaah. But if you meant that Allaah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, (this is wrong, because) Allaah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allaah likes it or approves of it. Allaah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows.
If you say now that what has happened has happened, and cannot be changed, so what can we do about this father who is standing in the way of these two lovers who want to get married?
I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts – in halaal ways, of course – to persuade this father, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre where the father goes, and so on, and praying earnestly to Allaah to make this girl part of your lot in life if this is good for you and for her. If what you want happens, then praise be to Allaah, Who is the Giver of bounty and blessings.
But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and the wind blows in the way that the sailor does not like (i.e., things do not go the way you hoped), then you should know that from the point of view of sharee’ah you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian – which is her father in the case – because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges.
It is impossible for running away with this girl to be a valid solution, either in this world or in the next.
We must also ask some other questions raised by your situation, such as: what is your commitment to Islam – do you pray regularly, for example? Does she adhere to the hijaab prescribed by sharee’ah? What is the attitude of your own family to the idea of your marrying this girl?
Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
What happened Mubarak Bhai? Did you get married?
muslimah85
12-03-08, 04:18 PM
love marriages usually involves some haraam means of communication. and when this leads to marriage, there's very little barakah in the marriage and that's why they break up. (i think). the situation is different for everybody tho, a lot of it depends on the person too.
not really? People meet in all sorts of ways and communication has to take place in o9rder for them to know whether they want to get married, but this does not classify it as haraam, for instance emailing, texting, etc.
that post was like 6 years ago :smack:
muslimah85
12-03-08, 04:42 PM
that post was like 6 years ago :smack:
oh I just saw the date lol.
Raashid
12-03-08, 04:46 PM
During Umar (ra) rule he said "When two people are in love it's like a disease, which marriage is the only cure for".
Why didn't he just say it's something haram? Surely under his strict rule, there could be no way of two people falling in love?
Sulaiman Harun
12-03-08, 05:00 PM
:start:
:salams
Actually there's a hadith in Sunan Abu Dawud that has the same meaning as you've quoted 'Umar (RA) saying
Peace be upon you Pat Henry,
You wrote:
"It may have been the East that introduced the concept of romantic love to the West at about the time of the Pope's crusades."
Help please. How old is Albelard and Heloise?
Can anyone think of earlier literature about romantic love?"
Alberad and Heloise is Early 12th century.
The greatest romantic literature I have read have all been Persian. These were tales as early as 4th century AD.
1. Laila and Majnun - by Nizami (based in North Africa). This is a tale of the height of love. Layla and Qays were lovers from different tribes and were separated- the separation caused Qays to become a "madman". He talked to the wind, animals and the birds about his love for Laila. People called him "Majnun" which translated literaly means "One who has an obsession" Its a Masterpiece by Nizam.
2. Sheikh of Sanan and the Christian Maiden. By Fariduddin Attar told in the book "Conference of the Birds") A Great Islamic Sheikh in Mecca who has hundreds of student learning under him goes to Constantinople with his students and falls in love with a Christian woman. This is a classic and a personal favorite.
3. Shirin and Khusrau. by Nizami. Shirin - an Armenian Princess and the Emperor of Persia in the 4th century. And the passionate lover of Shirin called Farhad who the emperor just hated and gave impossible tasks to like carving a tunnel through a mountain - it is said upon every stroke of the hammer on the chisel Farhad evoked the name of his beloved Shirin.
Peace.
If we need to Learn about Love, we do so from the best Sources, like the Prophet :saw: and the example of the Ummul Mu'mineen for the Sisters ...
not from Zani/Zaniya's ...
the So called Love stories are based on Pre-Marital Relations, Zina in one form or another, it is ill befitting a Muslim to read such stories, or to take their examples ...
:jkk:
afsalim
12-03-08, 06:53 PM
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
Very strange, absurd and baseless statistics. My parents had love marriage. I also had a love marriage.
Kasim2k7
13-03-08, 08:04 AM
I am the perfect example of arranged marriage and my young brother is perfect example of love marriage so our younger brothers got wide options.
love marriages are not really evryones thing are they
i dont believe there is such a thing as a love marriage, either way, it is YOU who agree to marry the person, whether u chose them or your parents did and eithr way your parents end up ARRANGING it too!
Kasim2k7
13-03-08, 08:43 AM
i dont believe there is such a thing as a love marriage, either way, it is YOU who agree to marry the person, whether u chose them or your parents did and eithr way your parents end up ARRANGING it too!
What if the parents are not agreed and the son force them to marry him to his lover? If love is involved, it is love marriage. Now thats a name love marriage. Further going into it, if its against the Shariah laws then its Haram and it is very strict as the woman is to wear Hijab and not necescrily talk to men and all that. Personally I dont think love marriage are good because its start of doing something wrong. A small sin leads to a big sin and you never know when Shaytaan kicks in and things starts to go down the bad road. Alhamdulillah I stayed away from such thing.
What if the parents are not agreed and the son force them to marry him to his lover? If love is involved, it is love marriage. Now thats a name love marriage. Further going into it, if its against the Shariah laws then its Haram and it is very strict as the woman is to wear Hijab and not necescrily talk to men and all that. Personally I dont think love marriage are good because its start of doing something wrong. A small sin leads to a big sin and you never know when Shaytaan kicks in and things starts to go down the bad road. Alhamdulillah I stayed away from such thing.
in my opinion "love marriages" are a name for couples who had a haraam relationship (b/f and g/f) and then got married.Or did things they were not supposed to together before getting married - and then got hitched.
afsalim
14-03-08, 03:58 AM
There are a lot of examples where couples chose not to go overboard and not cross the limit. Personally I can't understand how and why would a person chose to marry someone whom they're not deeply in love with.
LastFriday
14-03-08, 04:24 AM
There are a lot of examples where couples chose not to go overboard and not cross the limit. Personally I can't understand how and why would a person chose to marry someone whom they're not deeply in love with.
? You can't promote Love before marriage. Its more like infatuation.
There are a lot of examples where couples chose not to go overboard and not cross the limit. Personally I can't understand how and why would a person chose to marry someone whom they're not deeply in love with.
if those couples had "love marriages" and they were in love before getting married then everyone of them did break the boundaries (breaking boundaries does not necessarily have to mean co-habiting here).
You fell in LOVE with each other, hence you want to marry, how do u fall in love? you dont fall in love by "sticking to the boundaries" you end up falling in love with each other because you broke those boundaries, no two ways about it.
When you get married by the rules, you are only attracted to each other and attraction is the only thing our beloved Prophet SAW mentioned, should happen before marriage, - your attraction for your wife-to-be.
Taking the above into account, Love is not the deciding factor when deciding who to marry, as long as your attracted to one another its enough.
ze leetle elper
14-03-08, 11:58 AM
that post was like 6 years ago :smack:
:o
ze leetle elper
14-03-08, 12:52 PM
What do you mean; do I arrange them or did I have one? :D ;)
This subject is discussed like children on this forum in all honesty. We have some people here who are blinded by the romanticism of love, that its hard for them to understand those type of emotions for a person in Islam is simply not acknowledged prior to marriage. And then we have some people who - in my opinion - act almost rife with jealousy at how someone can be allowed to fall in love and somehow have the audacity to justify it Islamically, and veraciously rip the notion apart.
The best people to discuss it with are those who are married, or whom are getting married. Everyone else will give a standard default response.
The best people to discuss it with are those who are married, or whom are getting married. Everyone else will give a standard default response.
okay :o [enter gucci]
wats the difference between a "love marriage" and a marriage where you choose your own spouse.
wat MG says makes more sense because the "love" happens after boundaries are broken but "choosing your own spouse" marriage works wen ur attracted to someone and u dont break those boundaries :o unless of course you're a believer in "love at first sight" which really isnt "love" its still attraction cuz u liked wat u saw :smack: i believe the latter is better because it saves all from heartbreak and bad feelings wen everything goes wrong and starts to fall apart if in "love marriage" it happens you have no one to blame but urself for going about the wrong way of doing things :o but with the other ones its easier to get over it and move on. moral of the story is keep your eyes to the ground :up:
This subject is discussed like children on this forum in all honesty. We have some people here who are blinded by the romanticism of love, that its hard for them to understand those type of emotions for a person in Islam is simply not acknowledged prior to marriage. And then we have some people who - in my opinion - act almost rife with jealousy at how someone can be allowed to fall in love and somehow have the audacity to justify it Islamically, and veraciously rip the notion apart.
The best people to discuss it with are those who are married, or whom are getting married. Everyone else will give a standard default response.
u dont need to be married or getting married to know the simple etiquette in islam of what rules should be followed when considering someone for marriage.
u dont need to be married or getting married to know the simple etiquette in islam of what rules should be followed when considering someone for marriage.
I dont think you'd understand my point of view
I dont think you'd understand my point of view
its not about understanding yours or anyones point of view, the rules in islam are quite clear.
its not about understanding yours or anyones point of view, the rules in islam are quite clear.
Who says we're talking about interpreting Islamic law, MG?
I agree with Kal in that it is very possible to "love" someone before marriage - even if you do marry them eventually or it never materialises. Sometimes it is also true that infatuation is miscontrued for love, the same goes for admiration and lust. So if you are getting married you may be inclined towards feelings of love, admiration, tenderness and care for your spouse-to-be, which isn't much of a surprise although not entirely recommended should things go belly up (which they may do). Sometimes you may just "like" someone but those feelings are so intense you think it is love. It is hard to explain/describe what love is as its quite frivilously chucked about these days so has lost any "real" meaning for most people.
But IMO you only "really" experience it in its truest form when living with a person in a committed r'ship.
Dappodan1
14-03-08, 07:22 PM
The biggest problem with love marriages (marriages based on "being in love"/infatuation etc are
1) What happens when you are no longer in love
2) What happens when you fall in love with someoneelse
3) Falling in love is easier with a new and improved Possibly younger partner
4)What if you fall in out of love really easily
5)The things I loved yesteryear I now detest (maturity)
A marriage has to be based on lots of things not just Love like
Respect
Fulfilling Allah (SWT) will and hukum
Sense of Duty
Pro-creation
being your own person/findinhg yourself with the help of your life partner
etc etc everything is everything.
and a whole list of other reasons which are equally as important as being in love, when you are in love enjoy it and hope you can keep it goign as long as posiible or it revisits miore frequently but do not make it the be all and end all of your marriage.
Who says we're talking about interpreting Islamic law, MG?
i dont remember mentioning islamic law in my post, im talking about rules/etiquette relating to conducting yourself towards a potential spouse
i dont remember mentioning islamic law in my post,
its not about understanding yours or anyones point of view, the rules in islam are quite clear.
I'm not sure I understand you
i dont believe there is such a thing as a love marriage, either way, it is YOU who agree to marry the person, whether u chose them or your parents did and eithr way your parents end up ARRANGING it too!
in my opinion "love marriages" are a name for couples who had a haraam relationship (b/f and g/f) and then got married.Or did things they were not supposed to together before getting married - and then got hitched.
if those couples had "love marriages" and they were in love before getting married then everyone of them did break the boundaries (breaking boundaries does not necessarily have to mean co-habiting here).
You fell in LOVE with each other, hence you want to marry, how do u fall in love? you dont fall in love by "sticking to the boundaries" you end up falling in love with each other because you broke those boundaries, no two ways about it.
When you get married by the rules, you are only attracted to each other and attraction is the only thing our beloved Prophet SAW mentioned, should happen before marriage, - your attraction for your wife-to-be.
Taking the above into account, Love is not the deciding factor when deciding who to marry, as long as your attracted to one another its enough.
u dont need to be married or getting married to know the simple etiquette in islam of what rules should be followed when considering someone for marriage.
its not about understanding yours or anyones point of view, the rules in islam are quite clear.
I'm not sure I understand you
my posts above are quite clear, there is specific etiquette , that as muslims we should follow when meeting and considering a potential wife/husband. Those that dont follow this etiquette when they see someone from the opposite sex that they feel an attraction for and instead go above and beyond the limits that are set, are the ones that end up "falling in love" before marriage - and this is not of islam.
Attraction is one of the things (the others being, deen, good character etc) what is stated u should have for your potential wife/husband in order to think about accepting them as you wife/hubby, not "love".
That is what im talking about.
ummbilal
14-03-08, 09:12 PM
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
90% of statistics are made up.
muslimah85
14-03-08, 09:12 PM
statistics are a social construction, believe them and you will believe anything
Abu-Amr
15-03-08, 05:51 AM
Unfortunately old habits are still rampant in some places. Love marriages are what most people look for. And good luck, Bilal. Don't forget that interdenominational marriages also exist.
whats one of those ?
afsalim
15-03-08, 09:06 AM
? You can't promote Love before marriage. Its more like infatuation.
That's where you are wrong.
if those couples had "love marriages" and they were in love before getting married then everyone of them did break the boundaries (breaking boundaries does not necessarily have to mean co-habiting here).
You fell in LOVE with each other, hence you want to marry, how do u fall in love? you dont fall in love by "sticking to the boundaries" you end up falling in love with each other because you broke those boundaries, no two ways about it.
When you get married by the rules, you are only attracted to each other and attraction is the only thing our beloved Prophet SAW mentioned, should happen before marriage, - your attraction for your wife-to-be.
Taking the above into account, Love is not the deciding factor when deciding who to marry, as long as your attracted to one another its enough.
Your opinions are purely based upon your own views. Unless you experience premarital love and devotion, you cannot hope to comprehend what it truly is.
muslimah85
15-03-08, 09:11 AM
I agree with brother Afsalim.
The notion that one has to have a haraam relationship or one out of the realm of Islam is nonsense. Only those who have experienced love before marriage can vouch it exists.
That's where you are wrong.
Your opinions are purely based upon your own views. Unless you experience premarital love and devotion, you cannot hope to comprehend what it truly is.
you cannot make your assumptions of what i have felt or not felt in my personal life, from my posts.,
Love is a deep emotion and does not develop into "love" over a few days or a number of weeks or months.
if im talking nonsence, how come the Prophet Muhammad SAW has not mentioned that "love" should be a condition fulfilled when you wish to marry someone and he only mentioned "attraction"?? because true love is not possible before marriage UNLESS you break the boundaries, i.e. talking to them daily for no legitimate reason, meeting up with them alone, when there is no need, holding hands, kissing, and worst of all co-habitiing with each other before marriage.
Real love cannot develop between you until u go through the trials of being married, helping each other through dark times in your marriage,supporting each other in your good times through your marriage and you cannot do the above whole heartedly with the opposite sex before marriage, unless you break the boundaries.
Whether u agree with me or not, im not to bothered about it , i stand by what i say, wholeheartedly. What you have before marraige, is deep lust and attraction which you confuse for love.
muslimah85
15-03-08, 09:36 AM
you cannot make your assumptions of what i have felt or not felt in my personal life, from my posts.,
Love is a deep emotion and does not develop into "love" over a few days or a number of weeks or months.
if im talking nonsence, how come the Prophet Muhammad SAW has not mentioned that "love" should be a condition fulfilled when you wish to marry someone and he only mentioned "attraction"?? because true love is not possible before marriage UNLESS you break the boundaries, i.e. talking to them daily for no legitimate reason, meeting up with them alone, when there is no need, holding hands, kissing, and worst of all co-habitiing with each other before marriage.
Real love cannot develop between you until u go through the trials of being married, helping each other through dark times in your marriage,supporting each other in your good times through your marriage and you cannot do the above whole heartedly with the opposite sex before marriage, unless you break the boundaries.
Whether u agree with me or not, im not to bothered about it , i stand by what i say, wholeheartedly. What you have before marraige, is deep lust and attraction which you confuse for love.
thats a VERY big generalization sis. I know many a people who have had love marriages and to claim the love they shared before as mere 'lust and attraction' is very offending and a very generalistic comment. Only two people having experienced love before marriage can vouch for it.
if two people talk daily with the other for purposes of marriage what wrong is their in that? You dont have to hold hand/sleep/have a haraam relationship to be in love with someone!!!!
Nothing is better for two people who love each other, than Marriage (Ibn Majah)
.: Anna :.
15-03-08, 09:53 AM
I was going to mention that hadith...
Then we cant say rasoolallah :saw: mentioned only about "attraction" bc this hadith is referring to love. it doesn't mean it has to be attained thru haram means and breaking boundaries, and of course it won't be on the same level as the love which they have between them after getting married and living together, knowing each other a lot more.. but there can be something, and if it is that is a positive actually.
i think its actually that some people take more time to love someone than others, so for those people they cant see that this can happen without anything haram taking place, whereas other people they start to love someone alot quicker and easier and that is the difference, not that the 2nd one necessarily did any haram...
afsalim
15-03-08, 11:34 AM
you cannot make your assumptions of what i have felt or not felt in my personal life, from my posts.,
Love is a deep emotion and does not develop into "love" over a few days or a number of weeks or months.
if im talking nonsence, how come the Prophet Muhammad SAW has not mentioned that "love" should be a condition fulfilled when you wish to marry someone and he only mentioned "attraction"?? because true love is not possible before marriage UNLESS you break the boundaries, i.e. talking to them daily for no legitimate reason, meeting up with them alone, when there is no need, holding hands, kissing, and worst of all co-habitiing with each other before marriage.
Real love cannot develop between you until u go through the trials of being married, helping each other through dark times in your marriage,supporting each other in your good times through your marriage and you cannot do the above whole heartedly with the opposite sex before marriage, unless you break the boundaries.
Whether u agree with me or not, im not to bothered about it , i stand by what i say, wholeheartedly. What you have before marraige, is deep lust and attraction which you confuse for love.
No I cannot vouch for what you have experienced, nor would I dare, as it would be utterly disrespectful. But you're looking at this in a western perspective. Love before marriage do exist and many Muslims continue to pursue marriage and live happily with the person they're in love with. I'd rather not go into personal details, but from my own experience, love marriages with self-preservation is very much possible. You do not need 'physical' contact to be in love with a person.
muslimah85
15-03-08, 12:57 PM
a beautiful post by Br Hekmaa' Mash'Allah
Very often love is misunderstood, and even more often it is confused with the western notion of 'love'.
Love does not require any form of physical contact. It does not require to have heard the person, seen the person, or lived with the Person.
Lust on the other had requires most of those things, if a person lusts for something, they lust for it out of being exposed to it. Either they have seen it, felt it, heard it, smelt it, or tasted it. Be it a car, a food, a perfume or a person.
Let me explain, you hear somebody narrate a story to you, a story either from the past or from some recent happenings. The characters of this story, you have never met. Yet you find yourself, your heart feel drawn towards them.
Let me give another example, you hear about a scholar, or a pious person, and you feel great amount of love for them, like it is instant. If someone was to tell you that person passed away, you would cry. You hear about an individual in the way of Allah swt, a story of one, and then some time later you hear they passed, you feel lose like your own family member is lost.
The righteous heart is guided to love what is righteous and those who are righteous. There are numerous narration from our salaf, from the tabieen, from the Sahaba and from Rasoolullah saw, of such incidences.
Owais Al Qarni, never saw Rasoolullah saw, but his love for Rasoolullah saw was immense. Omar RA had never seen Owais but he loved him after he heard from Rasoolullah about him.
Now let me tell you about another form of love, it is love that is not uncovered, it is hidden, yet it is the deepest form of love you will ever experience towards someone. There is no strings attached to it, there are no conditions, it is love by way of servitude. There are creations of Allah swt you love that you do not even know you love, loving them is part of your obedience to Allah swt.
There is a Sahih Hadith "If Allah swt would love his servant He would call Archangel Jibreel and tell him "I love this person, therefore love him." And Jibreel would love him and call out in the heavens "Allah swt loves this person, therefore love him." And the inhabitants of the heavens would love him. Then he would be embraced by the people of this world. But if Allah swt would abhor his servant, He would call Jibreel and tell him "I abhor this person, therefore abhor him". And Jibreel would abhor him and call out in the heavens " Allah swt abhors this person, therefore abhor him." And the inhabitants of the heavens would abhor him. Then he would be abhorred by the people of this world." (narrated by Muslim)
There are thus people walking this earth toward whom love is assigned from Allah swt, and the heart of men is in the hands of Allah swt, and He swt can turn it towards who He swt wills.
If a person finds their heart turned towards someone, then it is upon them to pursue that in a halal way, and if they cant pursue it in a halal way then it is not love, but lust.
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 01:37 PM
I was going to mention that hadith...
Then we cant say rasoolallah :saw: mentioned only about "attraction" bc this hadith is referring to love. it doesn't mean it has to be attained thru haram means and breaking boundaries, and of course it won't be on the same level as the love which they have between them after getting married and living together, knowing each other a lot more.. but there can be something, and if it is that is a positive actually.
i think its actually that some people take more time to love someone than others, so for those people they cant see that this can happen without anything haram taking place, whereas other people they start to love someone alot quicker and easier and that is the difference, not that the 2nd one necessarily did any haram...
Anna, what's your definition of 'love' before marriage? Can you give me a small scenario of a halal love before marriage?
there is no love without talking and meeting or watching each other....
it is haram
.: Anna :.
15-03-08, 01:42 PM
Anna, what's your definition of 'love' before marriage? Can you give me a small scenario of a halal love before marriage?
well like what m85 just posted from hekmaa i agree with that one :up:
when u have the marriage getting arranged and then u know this is the one who will insha allah be ur husband, and be ur companion in life, and u know good things about them.. then u start naturally feeling more towards them, bc ur excited and happy to get married to them. it doesnt have to be anything more than that... like i said some people feel these things easily and some people dont
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 02:20 PM
well like what m85 just posted from hekmaa i agree with that one :up:
when u have the marriage getting arranged and then u know this is the one who will insha allah be ur husband, and be ur companion in life, and u know good things about them.. then u start naturally feeling more towards them, bc ur excited and happy to get married to them. it doesnt have to be anything more than that... like i said some people feel these things easily and some people dont
Anna, what you said is still ambigous! Can't you just give me a full scenario from A to Z for a halal love before marriage?
When do you think halal love can start? You said when the marriage is being arranged! So, can we say if the love did not start until the arrangemnet time then can we say this marriage is based on love? We can't say that because love by your definition is the excitment for the marriage arrangement so I ask how did you decide to marry him in the first place?
muslimah85
15-03-08, 02:25 PM
there is no love without talking and meeting or watching each other....
it is haram
yawn :zzz:
Anna, what you said is still ambigous! Can't you just give me a full scenario from A to Z for a halal love before marriage?
When do you think halal love can start? You said when the marriage is being arranged! So, can we say if the love did not start until the arrangemnet time then can we say this marriage is based on love? We can't say that because love by your definition is the excitment for the marriage arrangement so I ask how did you decide to marry him in the first place?
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
brother there is no such halal love
there is love and halal but not halal love
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 02:43 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
brother there is no such halal love
there is love and halal but not halal love
I now understand your opinion but she has a different opinion which I want to understand too.
i don't think the whole loving somebody because of what you have heard or seen of their character really exists today :o
I'm not saying it's not possible, it's just too difficult to tell the real people from the fake's :(
I mean you could fall in love with someone you don't actually know personally but the person is from you're community and they do a lot of charity and dawah work or whatever but everybody seems so deceiving and have like hidden agenda's :nervous:
maybe that is why a lot of love marriage's fail because you fall in love with somebody you think you know and then that person is not what they had seemed :smack:
so nowadays i think you can only love someone after you have seen the way they handle themselves through hardships and in anger etc, you can only really find that out after marriage, tis a bit of a gamble isn't it :zzz:
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 02:46 PM
so nowadays i think you can only love someone after you have seen the way they handle themselves through hardships and in anger etc, you can only really find that out after marriage, tis a bit of a gamble isn't it :zzz:
How do you do that? Can you explain?
How do you do that? Can you explain?
vat u talkin? :scratch:
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 02:55 PM
vat u talkin? :scratch:
Do you have an explanation for what you said or you just like repeating after others?
Do you have an explanation for what you said or you just like repeating after others?
no English, i sorry :rubeyes:
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 03:11 PM
no English, i sorry :rubeyes:
No man I'm sure you're English is just perfect. I just want you to help me understand more about different kind of marriage's. As you said, some people have hidden agenda's. ;)
Reference: post# 78 :rolleyes:
Some people have no excuse for there mistakes. ;)
Redmist.
15-03-08, 03:17 PM
Love provides that amazing rush.......that no other emotion produces.
The initial sighting, the eye contact, the smile........moving towards one another. Its like animal attraction, If only girls eyes could talk..........the x rated stories theyd tell. But u got to be brave to persue love!
Love is painful but it can be the sweetest feeling in the world.
No man I'm sure you're English is just perfect. I just want you to help me understand more about different kind of marriage's. As you said, some people have hidden agenda's. ;)
Reference: post# 78 :rolleyes:
Some people have no excuse for there mistakes. ;)
thank you, it must be all those years of studying English at Cambridge :rolleyes:
what i mean to say is that you might see a person who appears religious in you're community but people are not always what they appear to be on the outside
This thread can be summed up in one way only
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
Redmist.
15-03-08, 03:21 PM
This thread can be summed up in one way only
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
But hopefully Kal El ull get better love interest than from that thing :p
This thread can be summed up in one way only
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
oh
mashaALLAH
this animal is very beautiful.. i like it.. :inlove:
There's no such thing as love :outta:
.: Anna :.
15-03-08, 05:43 PM
Anna, what you said is still ambigous! Can't you just give me a full scenario from A to Z for a halal love before marriage?
When do you think halal love can start? You said when the marriage is being arranged! So, can we say if the love did not start until the arrangemnet time then can we say this marriage is based on love? We can't say that because love by your definition is the excitment for the marriage arrangement so I ask how did you decide to marry him in the first place?
a full a to z well no not really brother bc everyone's situation may be different, no need to go to so much details...
i mean when the bro sends the proposal and then she gets to know whats his character like, she finds out all things about him, sometimes it can happen.
there's a lot of different ways, not everyone feels the same way in situation as other people do. if u dont want to feel ne love or positive feeling for someone b4 marriage, thats up to you... but some ppl are able without doing nething haram
Saudi Prince
15-03-08, 10:52 PM
a full a to z well no not really brother bc everyone's situation may be different, no need to go to so much details...
i mean when the bro sends the proposal and then she gets to know whats his character like, she finds out all things about him, sometimes it can happen.
there's a lot of different ways, not everyone feels the same way in situation as other people do. if u dont want to feel ne love or positive feeling for someone b4 marriage, thats up to you... but some ppl are able without doing nething haram
Anna, In the case you mentioned, how is this different from other marriages?! You didn't say how the man decided to send the proposal? On what basis? How did he come to love her?
I'm now tired about all this love but let me explain to you how I think a possible love can happen. Before that, I must say arrange marriage is always mistaken for forced/pushed marriage! An arrange marriage can absolutely be a love marriage. For example, your mum suggested you a husband and when you enquired about him and SAW him you just found him to be the man you have always wanted to marry...you can't just wait for the marriage day! Wehn you marry him, this marriage is called a love marriage.
Now, some peope want to portray themselves as angles and say you can't speak with a woman for a reason! You can't salam a woman! You can't just deal with a woman and then say you can love a woman in a halal way!! "How?", I ask "brader, it just happens like dat!", they reply! Then I go like. :mad: Some say "you love her like you love a scholar" Well, I am sorry I love some scholars but I do not want to marry them! This is called admiration not love!!!
How do you love in a halal way?! Well, it may happen that your sister tells you about how beautiful, nice, educated and religious her friend is!! She is not married and is looking for someone! Now, if you go and see her and after that you just think that wow she is just great and is the right person for you and can't wait for the marriage then this is a halal love!!
Another example, you see a girl and from the way she dresses, the way she behaves and the way she looks you think she is mashaa Allah just great. You then go and ask her father for her hand. This is a halal love marriage!
Furthermore, a girl sees a man and from the way he handles himslef and from what she hears about/from him she thinks wow he is just mine! She then equires about him and every info she gets just reinforce what she has in mind about him! Then she goes to her walli and say can you please go and get me 'so and so' dead or alive- I just love him! :D. This is a halal love marriage!
Some people think that love can not be aquired unless you speak to the girl for 2 months! This must involve something haram- at least being soft in speech!! Some say I want to know more about him/her! How she/he acts when she/he angry. Well, if you are looking for this info then you will never get it unless you live with the person in a daily haram life or you know someone who lives with them in a daily life! A part from that you are just deluding yourself!
other people say, I'm an angel when a girl or a man salams me I don't reply! When they speak to me for a good reason, I don't reply and when she/he passes by me I look completely to the other side of the road, the room or whatever and sometimes I hit things in my way- like an electric bar because my face is completely to the other side of the road! BUT they love a man/woman for their deen while they haven't seen them before! How? "it just happends, brader". Well, I don't buy this sort of love. Sorry. :)
I hope you get me, Anna.
ze leetle elper
16-03-08, 07:34 AM
W00t :confused:
Arsalan
16-03-08, 07:45 AM
There is a no such thing as a love marriage, marriage is a mechanical relationship designed to help the weaker sex, and a legitimate and healthy union for procreation and developing and stocking up of offspring , over a period of time.
ze leetle elper
16-03-08, 08:04 AM
There is a no such thing as a love marriage, marriage is a mechanical relationship designed to help the weaker sex, and a legitimate and healthy union for procreation and developing and stocking up of offspring , over a period of time.
Who says romance is lost?! :D
~Warda~
16-03-08, 10:27 AM
a full a to z well no not really brother bc everyone's situation may be different, no need to go to so much details...
i mean when the bro sends the proposal and then she gets to know whats his character like, she finds out all things about him, sometimes it can happen.
there's a lot of different ways, not everyone feels the same way in situation as other people do. if u dont want to feel ne love or positive feeling for someone b4 marriage, thats up to you... but some ppl are able without doing nething haram
I agree with sis Anna. U dont have to be in a haraam relationship to love someone, however, the love u experience after marriage is obviously going to be stronger. U can love someone from what you hear about them, about their character,their deen...etc.
.: Anna :.
16-03-08, 11:10 AM
Saudi Prince i agree with you i think? I am not saying this cant happen in any kind of arranged marriage etc. All I am saying is that its natural they might develop a bit of feelings to each other b4 the actual marriage takes place. Its unrealistic to think before that there will be nothing whatsoever, and as soon as its done, then some feelings can develop. Even that they have a desire to marry them, this means some positive feelings have come for that person... this can be in arranged one aswell, i dont really differentiate it, however they came to know of that person, thru family or thru someone suggesting them or whatever
There is a no such thing as a love marriage, marriage is a mechanical relationship designed to help the weaker sex, and a legitimate and healthy union for procreation and developing and stocking up of offspring , over a period of time.
who is the weaker sex?
rukayya
18-03-08, 02:41 PM
i've heard 39/40 love marriages end in divorces
salam alaikum,
well, you have to look what is LOVE? i mean, love your husband for the Allah if he is good muslim.
well, i can say by myself, sometimes it is not really easy, i mean intercultural marriages, i have also heard that these marriages end in divorce, i have heard this very often. but you have to work for it. i mean, it is not sweetness every day, when you are married for some years. alhamd.
whats your experiences?
wa salam
rukayya
Those who say love marriages fail or criticise it are themselves stuck in loveless marriages and trying to make themselves feel better by saying such things. That's the unspoken truth
LastFriday
18-03-08, 03:46 PM
Those who say love marriages fail or criticise it are themselves stuck in loveless marriages and trying to make themselves feel better by saying such things. That's the unspoken truth
I sort of agree. But we can all agree, falling in Love before marriage is...not allowed?
This thread can be summed up in one way only
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
thats so scary :(
Noor_Usman
19-03-08, 08:57 AM
Asalamalikum.
I just wanted to add that on several occasions love marriages are what actually bring people into Islam.
If a revert does not find Islam by themselves they are often lead to it after falling for a muslim. They revert...the couple gets married....:up:
There is the issue that the Muslim would have been doing some 'minor' haram things to have such contact with their partner to be...but at the end of the day I think Allah will forgive them for helping lead their partner to be towards Islam and then making an honest person of them by marrying them (instead of just ditching them!)
I think after the 'honeymoon' period wears off it's pretty much the same as any arranged marriage. People change over time....faith will get both stronger and weaker...compramises have to be reached etc....
There's no such thing as love :outta:Ah, love, love... what is love ?
Love is a many-splendored thing
it's the April rose that only grows
in the early spring.
Love is nature's way of giving
a reason to be living
the golden crown that makes a man a king
Sigh...
hanaa_al_muminah
19-03-08, 11:12 PM
Allah(swt) places the love n mercy between the two spouses, so we don't have no hard work to do! alhamdillah Allah has truly made ISLAM easy 4 us!!!
Peacenik
19-03-08, 11:20 PM
There is the issue that the Muslim would have been doing some 'minor' haram things to have such contact with their partner to be...
I think many people would regard the 'minor' things you mention, as being major haraams.
but at the end of the day I think Allah will forgive them for helping lead their partner to be towards Islam and then making an honest person of them by marrying them (instead of just ditching them!)
Many people might use that as an excuse to engage in pre-marital relations.
Saudi Prince
19-03-08, 11:26 PM
Those who say love marriages fail or criticise it are themselves stuck in loveless marriages and trying to make themselves feel better by saying such things. That's the unspoken truth
This could be true but the other unspoken truth is that it is very rare to be in a love marriage without doing some haram stuff before the actual marriage even if some of them are small. ;)
This could be true but the other unspoken truth is that it is very rare to be in a love marriage without doing some haram stuff before the actual marriage even if some of them are small. ;)
You don't need to marry someone you loved prior to marriage, to have a marriage of love. In other words, you can have a marriage based around love and be happy regardless if you knew the person before or not.
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 12:23 AM
You don't need to marry someone you loved prior to marriage, to have a marriage of love. In other words, you can have a marriage based around love and be happy regardless if you knew the person before or not.
I hate marrying someone before knowing her!!
I hate marrying someone before knowing her!!I share that view.
In fact, I almost never marry someone before knowing her.
I share that view.
In fact, I almost never marry someone before knowing her.knowing me knowing you hu hu.its when you realy get to knw them can be the real problem hu hu.
I hate marrying someone before knowing her!!
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes:
brother how you will date a muslimah and its haram...
and i know the rule of saudi Arabia people because i have saudi relatives...
so how come you talk with your future wife???
before malcha you cannot talk with your wife ...
so tell me ... how come your culture allow to talk and meet your future wife before malcha???
Sister Who
20-03-08, 12:04 PM
Whats a 'malcha'?
Whats a 'malcha'?
its ملجه=ملكه
so it drived from "you owened something"
so it is Nikaah but we call as malcha or malkah ... means you have owned your wife or husband islamically..
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 12:29 PM
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes:
brother how you will date a muslimah and its haram...
and i know the rule of saudi Arabia people because i have saudi relatives...
so how come you talk with your future wife???
before malcha you cannot talk with your wife ...
so tell me ... how come your culture allow to talk and meet your future wife before malcha???
In Saudi, we don't marry strangers or someone from the street. You need to know the girl first through your male friend, relatives, or family and then you go to her family and they allow you to see her and talk to her. She usually brings the tea and serves you and you have some chat together! After that, you decide whether you like each other or not!
Aboo, don't tell me this haram. :)
In Saudi, we don't marry strangers or someone from the street. You need to know the girl first through your male friend, relatives, or family and then you go to her family and they allow you to see her and talk to her. She usually brings the tea and serves you and you have some chat together! After that, you decide whether you like each other or not!
Aboo, don't tell me this haram. :)
well i am shocked...
their parents do all this stuff...
search for good man and good women for marraige..
then there comes the part of watching each other in picture..
bringing tea and chatting???
:shock:
isnt this indian culture???
i saw in movie that girl brings tea and then sit and chat ...
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
i did not know that in saudi Arabia you have open culture too
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes:
and which kind of chat you guys have???
its allow to chat about marraige in front of walli not alone and chatting about useless thing..
well i am shocked...
their parents do all this stuff...
search for good man and good women for marraige..
then there comes the part of watching each other in picture..
bringing tea and chatting???
:shock:
isnt this indian culture???
i saw in movie that girl brings tea and then sit and chat ...
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
i did not know that in saudi Arabia you have open culture too
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes:
and which kind of chat you guys have???
its allow to chat about marraige in front of walli not alone and chatting about useless thing..i still think you need to lie down.go on you tube and actualy see what goes on ksa you will be amazed
i still think you need to lie down.go on you tube and actualy see what goes on ksa you will be amazed
i don't need..
because good muslims don't show what is happening inside their homes... and they don't allow stranger to make movie about their daughters..
Sister Who
20-03-08, 12:51 PM
its ملجه=ملكه
so it drived from "you owened something"
so it is Nikaah but we call as malcha or malkah ... means you have owned your wife or husband islamically..
Oh right okay. JazakAllah khair for explaining that.
i don't need..
because good muslims don't show what is happening inside their homes... and they don't allow stranger to make movie about their daughters..if you see what goes on outside you can imaing what happens inside.i think you have had a very sheltered life.
if you see what goes on outside you can imaing what happens inside.i think you have had a very sheltered life.
well i know condition of muslims more then you know about them
Raashid
20-03-08, 01:40 PM
In Saudi, we don't marry strangers or someone from the street. You need to know the girl first through your male friend, relatives, or family and then you go to her family and they allow you to see her and talk to her. She usually brings the tea and serves you and you have some chat together! After that, you decide whether you like each other or not!
Aboo, don't tell me this haram. :)
Thing is, how do you know if the person is really like that? If they're virgin or not? Because their family won't know or admit it will they?
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 02:08 PM
Thing is, how do you know if the person is really like that? If they're virgin or not? Because their family won't know or admit it will they?
You know through the person who tells you about her. Also, you know how her family handles themselves in general. Then, it is your turn to check yourself and see her and how she communicates with you. This of course will not allow you to know every sigle thing about her but you know you don't expect yourself to marry an angel with no faults whatsoever as you're not angel yourself.
Even in love relations where they spent about 6 months haram relations before marriage, they will never know each other 100% becuase everybody can pretend to be the person who they are not!
As for being virgin, you expect any Saudi girl who is not previously married to be a virgin. No question about that.
saladin1970
20-03-08, 02:09 PM
Aslaam u Alaikum sis,
Now love marriage, what does it mean? It means falling in love before marriage and then getting married on the basis of love. Prophet Muhammad(saw) said in your partner, there will be wealth, beauty, religion and status and then pick religion and you will prosper. Isn't love blind, yes it is, thus meaning that you will make a choice other than religion in him/her!
Now by falling in love, we are looking at freely mixing with the opposite sex, again this is forbidden in Islam cos in a hadith I read, the first glance is forgiven but the second isn't! It's better that u speak behind a screen with the opposite sex to keep ur heart clean.
Choosing your partner in Islam is permissable and you can look at your partner that u are surely going to marry but only moderately!
The prophet said you CAN marry for wealth, beauty, lineage and piety, and piety is the best (but all others are still valid)
And also what happens if you just don't take your eyes of this special girl, does it still count as the first glance? :D
You know through the person who tells you about her. Also, you know how her family handles themselves in general. Then, it is your turn to check yourself and see her and how she communicates with you. This of course will not allow you to know every sigle thing about her but you know you don't expect yourself to marry an angel with no faults whatsoever as you're not angel yourself.
Even in love relations where they spent about 6 months haram relations before marriage, they will never know each other 100% becuase everybody can pretend to be the person who they are not!
As for being virgin, you expect any Saudi girl who is not previously married to be a virgin. No question about that.
its trtue..
but why most man care about virginity??
and you did not answer me...
isnt that an indian culture??
bringing tea and chatting??
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 02:56 PM
its trtue..
but why most man care about virginity??
and you did not answer me...
isnt that an indian culture??
bringing tea and chatting??
I don't know about Indian culture but in Saudi we bring coffe first then tea later. So, she doesn't come at the beginning but later and this is not a rule by the way but some people do it becuase it is easer for her to serve than just sit waiting for questions!
I don't know about Indian culture but in Saudi we bring coffe first then tea later. So, she doesn't come at the beginning but later and this is not a rule by the way but some people do it becuase it is easer for her to serve than just sit waiting for questions!
no no
i am not saying that..
but my relatives don't do that because their women are hasheem...
they don't come infront of man...
so it means there are also some open culture too in saudi arabia...
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:09 PM
no no
i am not saying that..
but my relatives don't do that because their women are hasheem...
they don't come infront of man...
so it means there are also some open culture too in saudi arabia...
What do you mean by 'open culture'? :rolleyes: This is recommended by the prophet SAAW!
.: Anna :.
20-03-08, 03:22 PM
Abood... it is allowed for husband to see wife before marriage, and recommend.. so that they can see if there is any attraction. im sure she will be still decently covered not with hair out and everything. What he has described, the family is all there and everything, not like the two of them meeting up and going out for a date :s
What do you mean by 'open culture'? :rolleyes: This is recommended by the prophet SAAW!
i know ...
but saudi girls marry whom their parents choose..
and they just see their future husband in picture...
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:26 PM
i know ...
but saudi girls marry whom their parents choose..
and they just see their future husband in picture...
If you say so, Abood. ;)
Abood... it is allowed for husband to see wife before marriage, and recommend.. so that they can see if there is any attraction. im sure she will be still decently covered not with hair out and everything. What he has described, the family is all there and everything, not like the two of them meeting up and going out for a date :s
alhmadulillah ...
its ok if they both want to see and talk about marraige infront of wali...
but i don't like it... its better to see your spouse after malcha
that my opinion
LastFriday
20-03-08, 03:26 PM
I share that view.
In fact, I almost never marry someone before knowing her.
I hate marrying someone before knowing her!!
Lol..you guys acting like you've married a few times before :rolleyes:
well i am shocked...
their parents do all this stuff...
search for good man and good women for marraige..
then there comes the part of watching each other in picture..
bringing tea and chatting???
:shock:
isnt this indian culture???
i saw in movie that girl brings tea and then sit and chat ...
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/charmer2002650/1203011967543.gif
i did not know that in saudi Arabia you have open culture too
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes: :rubeyes:
and which kind of chat you guys have???
its allow to chat about marraige in front of walli not alone and chatting about useless thing..
Sis, I thought it was actually recommended by the Prophet (pbuh) to see the women you are marrying first. So lets get this, you can't go up to her on the street, well you can, but lets just say your being more cautious. So you go to her parents, directly without ever asking her. Wouldn't this make her more angry? To her it would feel like, she has no SAY!. Sis, GUYS can't sit home and wait for their mommy's to get them a sister. Doesn't happen like that.
Most Muslim men if they see a sister who they think is practicing, they will go to up to her, ask her would you be interested in marriage and can if they approach her Wali. At this point, she looks up at him, decides and say yes or no, if she says yes, then they go to her dad and set up an appointment to meet her. Of course with the wali present, they talk and see if they are compatible.
no no
i am not saying that..
but my relatives don't do that because their women are hasheem...
they don't come infront of man...
so it means there are also some open culture too in saudi arabia...
Whats wrong with bringing Tea and speaking? It's not haram to do that.
If you say so, Abood. ;)
tell me..
you are saudi....
you know better then me...
am i wrong or right???
LastFriday
20-03-08, 03:27 PM
alhmadulillah ...
its ok if they both want to see and talk about marraige infront of wali...
but i don't like it... its better to see your spouse after malcha
that my opinion
What if they guy wants to see you? You won't allow it? Sister, the Prophet (pbuh) told the men!
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:31 PM
alhmadulillah ...
its ok if they both want to see and talk about marraige infront of wali...
but i don't like it... its better to see your spouse after malcha
that my opinion
What's the point of seeing him after being already stuck together? ;)
What if they guy wants to see you? You won't allow it? Sister, the Prophet (pbuh) told the men!
no no..
i don't want to show my self...
he can marry another girl...
well i want my husband like me... so ofcoure he will see me after malcha
inshaALLAH
What's the point of seeing him after being already stuck together? ;)
i want every thing new :D
LastFriday
20-03-08, 03:35 PM
no no..
i don't want to show my self...
he can marry another girl...
well i want my husband like me... so ofcoure he will see me after malcha
inshaALLAH
:) Insha'Allah, You will find someone like that. There are a lot of brothers who wouldn't mind this :).
~Warda~
20-03-08, 03:36 PM
no no..
i don't want to show my self...
he can marry another girl...
well i want my husband like me... so ofcoure he will see me after malcha
inshaALLAH
Sister, what of you find ur hubby not attractive at all? And doesnt it cross your mind that he might not find you attractive either? I dont mean it in a bad way, but its a possibility...
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:37 PM
tell me..
you are saudi....
you know better then me...
am i wrong or right???
Ya abood, I don't know what to say to you! You seem to be always right. ;)
Yes, Saudi girls marry what their parents recommend for them BUT they have the choice to decline the offer if they don't like the person. Sometimes they tell their parents to ask the prospective husband's family to ask for their hands. Of course, Saudi girls don't wander in the streets looking for husbands and then ask them 'will you marry me?'. :)
Sister, what of you find ur hubby not attractive at all? And doesnt it cross your mind that he might not find you attractive either? I dont mean it in a bad way, but its a possibility...
no no sister
i don't want handsome or beautiful
the thing which matter to me is his deen..
he should have taqwah nothing else
Ya abood, I don't know what to say to you! You seem to be always right. ;)
Yes, Saudi girls marry what their parents recommend for them BUT they have the choice to decline the offer if they don't like the person. Sometimes they tell their parents to ask the prospective husband's family to ask for their hands. Of course, Saudi girls don't wander in the streets looking for husbands and then ask them 'will you marry me?'. :)
but actually i want to say that saudi girls are more cover up then us...
and my relative don't go infront of man
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:41 PM
no no sister
i don't want handsome or beautiful
the thing which matter to me is his deen..
he should have taqwah nothing else
But the thing is it is not about you only! It's about you and him? If he doesn't care marrying any girl beautiful or otherwise as long as she is religious then no need for meeting up. :)
But the thing is it is not about you only! It's about you and him? If he doesn't care marrying any girl beautiful or otherwise as long as she is religious then no need for meeting up. :)
that is why i said.. he should be like me...
he should not care for beauty... he should care for deen
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:43 PM
but actually i want to say that saudi girls are more cover up then us...
and my relative don't go infront of man
It's not just a man! It's a prspective husband to whom the parents have agreed to marry their daughter.
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 03:43 PM
that is why i said.. he should be like me...
he should not care for beauty... he should care for deen
okay then. :)
~Warda~
20-03-08, 03:45 PM
that is why i said.. he should be like me...
he should not care for beauty... he should care for deen
Masha-Allah....
May Allah grant you a husband like that. Ameen:)
Masha-Allah....
May Allah grant you a husband like that. Ameen:)
and may ALLAH grant you a husband whom you like
amin
This thread gets funnier with each post. Unbelievable!
LastFriday
20-03-08, 04:00 PM
and may ALLAH grant you a husband whom you like
amin
Sis, I hope you don't look down upon those who don't hold the same mindset. I'm not accusing of anything ok? I'm just saying, men have their needs and men get attracted to beauty. Its natural. Not saying all men are like that. But that is the reason Rusulullah (saw) recommended the men to go look at the potential first. In a marriage, the wife is suppose to take care of the Husband and the kids and the household, whereas the husband goes out and does the religious duties and working to put the food on the table. Why do you think women don't HAVE to go to Jummah, or stay up late and pray Qiyaam? yes they need to be religious as well, but isn't it true that the wife should be more obedient to her husband? Khair, May Allah help you find the one your looking for.
Sis, I hope you don't look down upon those who don't hold the same mindset. I'm not accusing of anything ok? I'm just saying, men have their needs and men get attracted to beauty. Its natural. Not saying all men are like that. But that is the reason Rusulullah (saw) recommended the men to go look at the potential first. In a marriage, the wife is suppose to take care of the Husband and the kids and the household, whereas the husband goes out and does the religious duties and working to put the food on the table. Why do you think women don't HAVE to go to Jummah, or stay up late and pray Qiyaam? yes they need to be religious as well, but isn't it true that the wife should be more obedient to her husband? Khair, May Allah help you find the one your looking for.
i don't look down upon to any one...
i express my opinion...
he should have taqwah... and he should not care for beauty...well alhamdulillah women are beautiful...
in my opinion first thing should be taqwah then another things...
jazakALLAH khair
Raashid
20-03-08, 04:48 PM
You know through the person who tells you about her. Also, you know how her family handles themselves in general. Then, it is your turn to check yourself and see her and how she communicates with you. This of course will not allow you to know every sigle thing about her but you know you don't expect yourself to marry an angel with no faults whatsoever as you're not angel yourself.
Even in love relations where they spent about 6 months haram relations before marriage, they will never know each other 100% becuase everybody can pretend to be the person who they are not!
As for being virgin, you expect any Saudi girl who is not previously married to be a virgin. No question about that.
Ok but what about Muslims living in a society not as strict? How should they find out these things? Like if they had boyfriend or girlfriend if you just leave it to the family they don't know and they don't admit it?
Also, how do you know if you're attracted to them or not?
I don't know about Indian culture but in Saudi we bring coffe first then tea later. So, she doesn't come at the beginning but later and this is not a rule by the way but some people do it becuase it is easer for her to serve than just sit waiting for questions!
Coffee? yucky continental attitudes :p ... Tea all the way. Good strong tea, maybe some camomile or mint!
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 05:03 PM
Ok but what about Muslims living in a society not as strict? How should they find out these things? Like if they had boyfriend or girlfriend if you just leave it to the family they don't know and they don't admit it?
Also, how do you know if you're attracted to them or not?
If you live in a society such as this then you ask them if she is virgin if you suspect anything and you should take their words and if you find otherwise later on after marriage then if you feel so strong about then it up to you to divorce her.
What do you mean 'how do you know if you're attracted to them or not?'? Don't you meet with them and decide later?
Raashid
20-03-08, 05:06 PM
If you live in a society such as this then you ask them if she is virgin if you suspect anything and you should take their words and if you find otherwise later on after marriage then if you feel so strong about then it up to you to divorce her.
What do you mean 'how do you know if you're attracted to them or not?'? Don't you meet with them and decide later?
OK, I suppose that makes sense, but in terms of attraction, like you can't see them much and it's only in front of the family so you don't know what they really like.
If you live in a society such as this then you ask them if she is virgin if you suspect anything and you should take their words and if you find otherwise later on after marriage then if you feel so strong about then it up to you to divorce her.
What do you mean 'how do you know if you're attracted to them or not?'? Don't you meet with them and decide later?
I don't even understand why virginity matters so much in some societies. If they are, fine and good, if they're not and they've never been married before - then it still doesn't matter so long as they've changed and left their sins behind.
Saudi Prince
20-03-08, 05:22 PM
OK, I suppose that makes sense, but in terms of attraction, like you can't see them much and it's only in front of the family so you don't know what they really like.
That's what Islam permits and even if you stay with her 6 months in a haram relation, she can always pretend untill you marry her!
Noor_Usman
20-03-08, 05:49 PM
Asalamalikum.
Sin is sin but there are major and minor sins (in comparrison to each other). A major sin is to associate partners with Allah....in relation other things may be seen as more minor sins.
Just because you get to know a person before marriage does not mean that you are sleeping with them or living with them :( It does happen granted - but you could also be a really close friend without any sexual intent or interaction.
I think it's sad that you seem to beleive that all the brothers who lead their wives to Islam and have since married them and started families with them where the children as raised with strong Islamic backgrounds (due to the passion of the mothers new found faith) will not be forgiven by Allah :(
Surely what they have acheived with Allah's help is great enough to be counted in their good deeds? :(
Raashid
20-03-08, 06:15 PM
I don't even understand why virginity matters so much in some societies. If they are, fine and good, if they're not and they've never been married before - then it still doesn't matter so long as they've changed and left their sins behind.
A fornicator isn't allowed to marry another fornicator according to Islam. Besides, what man wants another man's leftovers?
Come on guys...where is this thing about love marriages coming from, Subhanallah. Yes love is required in the marriage but there is a complete difference between "love" and "lust". And Allah says:
"and dont go near zina"...i.e. anything and everything leading to zina is HARAM. from boyfriend/girlfriend, this weird "friend" relationship (by the way, the boy is not looking for friendship)...and the whole freemixing idiology. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:
"it would be better for you to be pierced with a nail through your head then touch the hand of a female (non-mahram)"
Therefore you ask what can be done...hmmm...the man approaches the Walee (Father or older brother) and asks to marry the girl, then with the Walee present the girl and boy can conversate etc. (the walee is there so no dodgy business is occuring)...and for the girl approaching a girl, she sends her walee with the message and they may then do the conversating proccess...finally when they come on common terms i.e. if they wish to marry or not...they can proceed from there...and PLZZZ brothers take heed...DO NOT GO NEAR ZINA
Raashid
20-03-08, 06:34 PM
You're right but younger Muslims are grappling with the very real problem that the traditional approach to marriage isn't bringing them happiness. Marriage is seen as serving a familial and societal need rather then a bond between two people.
Think about it: if you;re going to stick to Islam properly, you'll marry a total stranger who you have nothing in common with, probably won't be attracted to and will ahve to put much of your lifes hopes and dreams aside for. Now I know Muslims will jump to say "it's half your deen, do it for Allah swt" etc. but human beings unfortunately have very real feelings and desires.
That's why this is a problem for our generation.
Akhi...first and foremost, before we look at who to get married to, we must look at why a person should get married (according to ISLAM)
-To increase the ummah
-To carry on the deen
-To protect oneself from zina
and the most important reason
-It is shariah
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:
"marry the one with deen and khuluq (character), truely this will make you successful" therefore when marrying you look for one with these two qualities
but how to find out if a person has these qualities is obviously by meeting them...that is why you shouldnt rush into marriage but definitely and find out about the person islamically...if you feel you cant really find a proper insight let your brother or sister go and chat to the person...and 1-2 meetings will not show you if the person is actually is on the deen or has gd character. plus, i here a lot of girls saying...oh so and so approached me, he is such a good muslim...WHAT!!!! if he is such a good muslim, why is he "approaching" you...later on there is a problem with he is always chatting to girls...well how did he approach you? you should have clocked on...and finally divorce
Allah knows his creation best and therefore we must stick to the guidelines, i.e. Quran and Sunnah...and if you dont understand approach a Scholar or Student of knowledge
A fornicator isn't allowed to marry another fornicator according to Islam. Besides, what man wants another man's leftovers?
See, that's the sort of disgusting attitude that the rest of the world has got over but that is still tainting some Muslims. Leftovers? Is that what you think women are? Objects that are 'defiled'? What would you say to widows then? Or divorcees? They're just leftovers too, I suppose.
What if somebody has changed, reformed, or reverted to Islam? I suppose they're all 'used' right?
The point about a fornicator is valid, although if someone has sincerely changed - reverted back to Islam - as it were, you would let bygones be bygones.
If Allah (swt) is prepared to forgive them, who am I, and who are you to hold it against them and treat them as 'leftovers'.
:rubeyes: This thread has so many twists and turns i have no idea how iv managed this far without a SatNav- TomTom thingy..............
Unbelivable with what some ppl have cum up with but sum of them havnt been unexpected..
LastFriday
20-03-08, 07:49 PM
:rubeyes: This thread has so many twists and turns i have no idea how iv managed this far without a SatNav- TomTom thingy..............
Unbelivable with what some ppl have cum up with but sum of them havnt been unexpected..
I suppose you disagree with more then o.O
I suppose you disagree with more then o.O
I respect every1z view so agreeing and disagreeing dosnt really cum in2 it, right now i dont have a set view of love 'before' marraige or 'after', what ppl have said so far has been eye opening to put it mildy but very intresting. Im never going to comment on a post here saying this 'right' or this is 'wrong'. Every1 shuld do what 'they' 'feel' is right. Regardless of wheather its marrying without setting eyes on each other, or marrying sum1 uv got 2 know over a period of time so long as its in the boundries of Islam. Iv never been in love so im not going to say ooh its a wonderful lubbly bubbly feeling i culd never marry without it being present and again im not going to say its a massive :nono: i iz neutral in all of this. :D
.: Anna :.
20-03-08, 09:14 PM
Asalamalikum.
Sin is sin but there are major and minor sins (in comparrison to each other). A major sin is to associate partners with Allah....in relation other things may be seen as more minor sins.