View Full Version : surrounded by backbiters (gheeba)
im trying to stop backbiting (trying to be a better muslim) but i am finding it so difficult as i am jus surrounded by people who are doing it around me, at home at work.
My friends and family talk to me about in-law problems, husband problems and i find it very difficult to stop them,( i stopped one and mashallah she has told her husband to stop as well!) ,i jus find i end up ooooohhhing and aaaahhhhinig to avoid saying anything a bad about he person etc.
anyone in the same position? anyone have any advice for me?
i have read up about gheeba and it is scary that it is so rife and embedded in society.
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 05:49 PM
jus be strate up sis..
jus be strate up sis..
easier said than done bro
sfvalley
22-01-05, 06:06 PM
here is a suggestion, the next time someone gossips just punch them in the stomach, and then if someone else does it do the same, after a while people will get the message and when they gossip to each other about you then they will all share stories and know not to gossip in front of your face.
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 06:08 PM
for real..that is a good idea valley..i did that once..
PaGaL~LaDo0
22-01-05, 06:12 PM
ohh man da dt tingz apnnd gain y wnt it lt me rite in propa eng i hd 2 cpy n pzte diz..:S
vel i sed i juz chge da subjct man wo00oho00o0o0o
here is a suggestion, the next time someone gossips just punch them in the stomach, and then if someone else does it do the same, after a while people will get the message and when they gossip to each other about you then they will all share stories and know not to gossip in front of your face.
u sure im gonna have anyone left to talk to after giving that kinda PHYSICAL message?
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 06:22 PM
hey..they ll get the message tho..lol
hey..they ll get the message tho..lol
LOL!
Jus' say you're a jedi and they won't mess!
Jus' say you're a jedi and they won't mess!
Hmmmmmm......*looks up thoughtfully*
but what if they start backbiting/slandering about the jedi..........
sfvalley
22-01-05, 06:28 PM
u sure im gonna have anyone left to talk to after giving that kinda PHYSICAL message?
it still is an untried theory. You can still talk to me though. and you can still talk to yourself. just don't gossip, of course you already will know not to.
hey, if you need help with your golf swing i can help with that also.
it still is an untried theory. You can still talk to me though. and you can still talk to yourself. just don't gossip, of course you already will know not to.
hey, if you need help with your golf swing i can help with that also.
eeerrr......eehhhhhhmm..ill get back to u on that one...
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 06:42 PM
actually..i do need help with my golf swing..the Jedi Sux
*ANGRRY* Don't insult master jedi!
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 06:44 PM
haha..i see someone has a temper *pats Ozzy on the head*
haha..i see someone has a temper *pats Ozzy on the head*
oooooohhhhh, jedi not like to be patted on head.....
muslim-bro
22-01-05, 06:47 PM
Try fasting and talking about others will be the last thing on yur mind. As well as this you can also learn to become a quiet person. A person whos quiet does not talk and therefore cannot commit gheebut or other similar types of bad deeds.
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 06:47 PM
Jedi est tres drole.. :P
Try fasting and talking about others will be the last thing on yur mind. As well as this you can also learn to become a quiet person. A person whos quiet does not talk and therefore cannot commit gheebut or other similar types of bad deeds.
i have found that i have become more quiet since trying to stop gheebah etc, its the only way i find it easy....u know? to jus not talk but its not always possible
Shaolin's-Finest
22-01-05, 08:10 PM
Why dont you tell them about what Islam has to say about backbiting? And create a scenerio of what would happen to one who would backbite in this world?
But if thats too hard, then you can bring the topic up slowly. Like you can start talking about Islam, then swiftly move onto the backbiting topic ("Guess What, I read up that backbiting isnt good because.....). Once it has been properly explained, if they do start back biting just tell them that Islam forbids it which would help refresh their memory.
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 08:11 PM
very nice Shaolin... :)
ABDELWAHHAB
22-01-05, 08:28 PM
Surah Al-Humazah 104
1. Woe to every slanderer and backbiter.
2. Who has gathered wealth and counted it,
3. He thinks that his wealth will make him last forever!
4. Nay! Verily, he will be thrown into the crushing Fire.
5. And what will make you know what the crushing Fire is?
6. The fire of Allâh, kindled,
7. Which leaps up over the hearts,
8. Verily, it shall be closed in on them,
9. In pillars stretched forth (i.e. they will be punished in the Fire with pillars, etc.).
Surah Hud 11 Ayat 2-4
2. (Saying) worship none but Allâh. Verily, I (Muhammad :saw: ) am unto you from Him a warner and a bringer of glad tidings.
3. And (commanding you): "Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace (i.e. the one who helps and serves needy and deserving, physically and with his wealth, and even with good words). But if you turn away, then I fear for you the torment of a Great Day (i.e. the Day of Resurrection). etc.).
4. To Allâh is your return, and He is Able to do all things."
Shaolin's-Finest
22-01-05, 08:33 PM
i think that if you say one bad word about someone, then 10 of your good deeds will goto him, and 10 of his bad deeds will come onto you. So if you back bite alot, and you also read namaz and are a very good muslim, when you die you will have very few good deeds.
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 08:34 PM
ouch...thats scary..
*IslamicGirl*
22-01-05, 08:37 PM
:start:
:salams
Nx time some one backbites, tell them to vision their brother or some one they love, then tell them to contemplate eating their dead flesh... no easy it it, prob see them gulp a few times bt gets the msg across
THAT'S what Islam says abt backbiting.
:salams
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 08:38 PM
*shivers some more*
yeah,i think thats the best way,to talk about islam and then bring it up,thats what i did with one of my friends (but only because im very open and comfortable with her) and it worked alhumdulillah.
im still trying to read up more on gheebah, u know trying to understand it etc.
but its jus so scary all the things im reading and hearing from you bros and sisters.
if someone has done something bad to you,is it still gheebah to talk about that person and what they did to u for example?
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 09:55 PM
i like Valleys theory tho..
ThE aPpReNtIcE
22-01-05, 09:56 PM
hmm..i think like say if i was shot..and i told pple bout that guy..i think its a good thing..unless that person has repented to Allah..cause then they'd be more wary of him..
batool hussain
24-01-05, 12:00 AM
I found myself in the same situation as you, i told my close family that gossiping/backbiting is a sin and i do not want to be a part of it and they shouldn't either.......so far they have listened...! and as for friends or distant relatives.. i just told them that they should just talk to the person with whom they have a problem and try to sort it out or i have said what goes around comes around so they shouldn't talk about others because someday someone may talk about them....
hardly anyone gossips or backbites infront of me now, but those few who do i just leave the room and leave them to it.
hope i have been of help.
[QUOTE=batool hussain]
hardly anyone gossips or backbites infront of me now, but those few who do i just leave the room and leave them to it.
QUOTE]
This is exactly what should be done.. tell 'em it's wrong and if they insist to continue, leave the room..
Slmz all..
Back biting is defined in Islam as: Anyting u say bout a person, and if that person were to hear what u said, they wouldnt like it.
Now, arnt we all guilty of backbiting to a degree??
Soft Heart
24-01-05, 08:20 AM
Just keep your mouth closed, that's what I always do. If you have trouble keeping your mouth shut, stuff it with food lol. Seriously though, backbiting is really like high schoolish man. It's like aunty jee's have nothing better to do. The Prophet (salllallahu alaihi wasalaam) said "Those who fear/believe in Allah and the Last Day shall speak good or keep silent." You should throw that at them, it's real fun when you throw out Qur'anic verses or hadiths at them, cuz then they can never say anything against it lol.
my sis and cousin always complain about their hubbies and i jus nod and stay silent all the time but i dont think i should even be nodding!!! (does this count as backbiting?)
i always say to them,talk to your husband etc and they ignore me and if i were to say to them its wrong islamically im sure they would say "and who do u think u are miss perfect!"
bros and sisters ur right,either keep silent or walk out the room,is da best thing.
it is SO EMBEDDED in society that i sometimes dont realsie i hav/am backbiting sometimes,i hope inshallah,Allah gives us the inner strength to conquer all wrongs that we do or come in our way.Ameen.
Slmz all..
Back biting is defined in Islam as: Anyting u say bout a person, and if that person were to hear what u said, they wouldnt like it.
Now, arnt we all guilty of backbiting to a degree??
www.islamonline.net (http://www.islamonline.net)
Scholars of Islam, as-Salamu `alaykum! Is there any situation where backbiting becomes permissible? Thanks a lot.
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear brother in Islam, thank you very much for having confidence in us, and we hope Allah might help us achieve this noble task successfully.
According to Islamic Law, there are certain matters which absolve a person from the sin of ghibah (backbiting), as follows:
First, complaining about oppression or injustice: It is lawful for an oppressed or wronged person to mention the evil things committed against him by one who has oppressed or wronged him, in the presence of someone who is supposed to bring him his right back.
Second, seeking others’ assistance for changing something wrong and bringing an oppressor back to the way of righteousness.
Third, seeking a Fatwa regarding a certain matter: However, it is recommendable for the person who wants to do so to use hints or indirect references when telling the Mufti about his legal opinion concerning "someone" who has wronged him.
Fourth, warning a Muslim against some evil: One, for example, is permitted to warn a pious person against some wicked or immoral person whom he visits frequently without knowing about his wickedness or immorality. This is also recommendable in consultation regarding matters such as marriage and entrusting money to people and the like. However, if the consulted person here has to warn against some evil, he must do so out of good advice, and not calumniation and slander.
Fifth, if a person is known with a special title such as "the lame" or "the bleary-eyed," it is not an act of ghibah to call him as such. But, if he can be recognized with another means, it is preferable to use this means instead of calling him with such titles.
Sixth, if a person commits immoral and indecent acts in public and does not feel shy of doing so, it is not an act of ghibah to tell the others about these acts.
As for expiation for ghibah, it should be known that a backbiter commits two sins: one is violation of Allah's right, as he has committed something that Allah has prohibited him to do; the expiation for this sin is repentance and regret. The other sin is committed against the honor of the backbitten person; if the latter has known about the backbiter's act against him, he should ask him for forgiveness. It was reported on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever has wronged his brother with regard to wealth or honor, should ask for his pardon (before his death), before he pays for it (in the Hereafter) when he will have neither a Dinar nor a Dirham. (He should secure pardon in this life) before some of his good deeds are taken and paid to this (his brother), or (if he has no good deeds) some of the bad deeds of this (his brother) are taken to be loaded on him.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
If, however, the person backbitten has not known about the backbiter's act against him, the latter should keep beseeching Allah to forgive him (the backbitten person), so that he may not know about it and thus become angry with him (and that he himself may forgive him if he is to know about it).
May Allah guide you to the straight path and direct you to that which pleases Him, Amen.
Quoted from ibn Qudamah's Mukhtasar Minhaj Al-Qasideen, with slight modifications.
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