To have had a Love, and lost it ... ?

[Stanley Stunodd]

We all have experienced the loss of a loved one, usually through death.
But, how many will admit to having had a person in their life,
whom they love and thought the feelings were mutual,
only to find out that what might once have been present,
has been lost forever?

Having another, besides family, to fall in love with you,
admire you, want to spend all their days with you,
then to find it has been lost forever, is the pain in my heart today.

Hurdles such as the division of equity and who gets the cats
can easily be arranged but, a broken heart ?
That is not so easily or readily dismissed like so much trash
to the curb for pickup.

I wonder, what guidance has my Creator given regarding
the mending of the human heart ?

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

But, how many will admit to having had a person in their life,
whom they love and thought the feelings were mutual,
only to find out that what might once have been present,
has been lost forever?

been there...

[lonely_me]

Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) has granted us ALL the virtue of oblivion...without which we cannot move a step forward... A heart break doesn't last forever... it hurts, it may make your heart bleed to lose a loved one... but eventually you'll be able to cope with the pain... there are no guarantees that you're going to forget it all 100% ... yet you'll be able to go on with your life...breathe the same air ... do the same things... you WILL wake up every morning.. knowing that THAT person will no longer hear you talk or call your name...but with TIME which is another healer you will be capable of conducting the same life you used to have minus -that loved one...
We're asked not to get SO attached to a person... cuz we're mortals... and if you don't lose a person through separation then you're going to lose him/her inevitably through death... so be prepared for that moment... nothing lasts forever...and nobody lives forever...

Here's a hadith by the prophet... that shows how we should moderate when it comes to love and even hate... it's only when you get soooo attached to a person that his/her departure rocks your foundation and shake your core...

“Do you know the old statement: Love moderately, for the person you love today may be the one you hate in future; and hate moderately, for the person you hate today may be your loved one in future.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Al-Tirmidhi and Al-Tabarani).

[lonely_me]

...Mind you... the word 'In-saan' in Arabic (=human being) is derived from the noun 'Nis-yaa-n' (=Oblivion/forgetfulness) ... that's really worthy of noting ... so oblivion/forgetfulness is part of our nature that actually helps us 'survive'!

[Stanley Stunodd]

...Mind you... the word 'In-saan' in Arabic (=human being) is derived from the noun 'Nis-yaa-n' (=Oblivion/forgetfulness) ... that's really worthy of noting ... so oblivion/forgetfulness is part of our nature that actually helps us 'survive'!

Thank You for the post !
In regards to what you have posted, would the aboriginal term of going for a "walkabout (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?va=walkabout)" be equal to the description of "oblivion/forgetfulness "

[lonely_me]

Sorry but couldn't open that site...

[Stanley Stunodd]

Sorry but couldn't open that site...http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?va=walkabout
One entry found for walkabout
1 : a short period of wandering bush life engaged in by an Australian aborigine as an occasional interruption of regular work

[lonely_me]

hmmmmm....

[lonely_me]

Well... it is a kind of interruption... the thing is that it won't be for a short period... as you'll have to live on with that... like forever...until another interruption (whether good or bad) occurs... life is never easy... never meant to be easy... full of interruptions AND heart-breaks.

[Mary Carol]

Express yourself Stan, just as you have been doing to your friends and to Allah (swt).

Feel the emotions you are experiencing fully, then they will subside.

I like to listen to "Crazy" by Patsy Kline when I need a release of such feelings.

As the following scientific study finds, to mend a broken heart you have to explore the break before it can heal:

How To Mend A Broken Heart

Despondent lovers take note. The latest advice to the lovelorn comes from an expert on thought control.

He finds that the best way to stop pining for a lost love is... to pine for the lost love. Attempts to banish the memories only fan the flames.

The paradoxical prescription stems from studies which show that suppressing an unwanted thought prevents people from habituating to it. Each time the thought reenters consciousness, the body reacts to the distress as if it were the first painful time.

Daniel M. Wegner, Ph.D., and his University of Virginia associate Daniel Gold tested the physiological reactivity of 70 young men and women to thoughts of an old flame. In half of them the flame was hot--that is, a relationship was still desired. In the others the flame was deemed cold because the relationship was no longer desired.

Among those who focused on relationships that were still desired, levels of skin conductance started out high; they were more physiologically aroused. After a period of thought suppression, they were asked to think about their old flame again. This time their physiological responsiveness was even greater. The responses were identical in men and women.

Those whose flames were cold from the start had lower skin-conductance levels at the outset and after thought suppression, and their reactivity decreased over time. It was similarly low among those who were asked to suppress thoughts of a neutral object--such as the Statue of Liberty.

Best to get a past love off the mind by expressing the thoughts, Gold and Wegner reported to the American Psychological Association. Otherwise, in the immortal words of Hank Williams, you'll find yourself crying the whole night through.

http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19920101-000002.html

[Stanley Stunodd]

Express yourself Stan, just as you have been doing to your friends and to Allah (swt).

Feel the emotions you are experiencing fully, then they will subside.

I like to listen to "Crazy" by Patsy Kline when I need a release of such feelings.
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19920101-000002.html (http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19920101-000002.html)Thank you for the thought's.
"Crazy" by Patsy Kline Eh? Hmm? Is that while eating an entire pineapple pizza alone?

You are right about "Express yourself Stan", and I find posting these expressions out in cyberspace a release because I might receive companionship in return for posting my thought's.

I guess, I could express my thought's just as well, while walking through a forest and telling the creatures there, my story.
In fact, that is the direction I have been leaning toward most, these days.
If it weren't so darn cold outside ! ! ! :)

That is why I mentioned the walkabout in an earlier post to lonely_me.

At times I wish I were as simple as the synchronous (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=synchronous) actions of an atom.
Remember those rides at the traveling fairs, the one called "the Octopus" ?
Eight legs, each with a compartment for passengers.
My life, today, feels as if we are going top speed and the bolts holding my carriage together
have become unshackled and I'm flailing away while everybody laughs and has a great ride.


Rather than therapists or psychiatrists, what I need is a walkabout whereby the path ends at the edge of a one thousand foot cliff. If I am successful at remaining steady and calm, I may be able to ask & find the answers I seek.
This synchronous (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=synchronous) action by me, I believe would show me my place in this world far more than speaking to someone and receiving advice.
Not that speaking on this forum, is not helpful !!!

Well, this post has certainly spun out of control, so I'll end it here. :1peace:

[Chained_Water]

lonely_me.. that rings so true.. the forgetfulness thing I mean..

I think you are absolutely spot on.. it is a survival mechanism.. we forget our pain and bad times.. and that is how we "get over them" ..if we remembered them and kept them as fresh and raw as when we first felt them, we would be in endless unhappiness and living a life of torture..

we forget the "feeling" ..and maybe it is in that same way that people turn their back on you and stop loving you.. they forget how, they forget that feeling?

[Arsalan]

Well my policy is better not to love, better not to hate, better not to care, just love yourself, hate yourself, and be who you are,

in my case nothing much :)

[kawthari]

Its better to not have known it in the first place... what kind of love is it that one can lose?

[lonely_me]

lonely_me.. that rings so true.. the forgetfulness thing I mean..

;)

[Stanley Stunodd]

;)Is it easier to forget that which exists no more, as in death ?
Or, if her heart still beats, does moving further away from that sound, ease the pain ?

[lonely_me]

it's easy to forget ... easier to pretend...and trust me... out of sight, out of mind! That's so very true... not wanting to forget won't take you anywhere... so give in to it.. and let Time deal with things... Time is the best healer... and so you will know...

[lonely_me]

Observation (Stan's style): Why is it that when we cling to somebody/something with all our hearts... they/it fade(s) away... why not learn to let go... getting so attached to somebody may scare them away... me thinks... lol...don't you agree?

[Stanley Stunodd]

it's easy to forget ... easier to pretend...and trust me... out of sight, out of mind! That's so very true... not wanting to forget won't take you anywhere... so give in to it.. and let Time deal with things... Time is the best healer... and so you will know...

In your personal opinion, is this going too far ?
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[lonely_me]

WAY too far...

[Stanley Stunodd]

WAY too far...:rotfl: :rofl1: :rotfl:

You're probably right, the sound of her heartbeat will most likely become an echo out in those canyons.

[lonely_me]

:eek2:

[slmz :)]

erm ok sooo....... btw stan is this reflectin on ur luv life????