questions about marriage

[<Pathan>]

Assalamalaikum

i am not sure about the Islamic view on the 'age differences' between a boy and girl when getting married.

my dad's friend is about 10 years older then his wife and i asked him, why is the man always older then the women in the marriage
(i assumed it is not a cultural thing as it always seems to be the case in every muslim marriage i know of..).

he told me something about how the man is like a horse in the marriage and is in control while the women is taken on the ride.

i did not understand what he was trying to say with the example he used, but i got the idea that because of the mans role in the marraige is like that of a boss in control, he therefore needs to be older and mature in order to fullfill his role.

[MG]

Assalamalaikum

i am not sure about the Islamic view on the 'age differences' between a boy and girl when getting married.

my dad's friend is about 10 years older then his wife and i asked him, why is the man always older then the women in the marriage
(i assumed it is not a cultural thing as it always seems to be the case in every muslim marriage i know of..).

he told me something about how the man is like a horse in the marriage and is in control while the women is taken on the ride.

i did not understand what he was trying to say with the example he used, but i got the idea that because of the mans role in the marraige is like that of a boss in control, he therefore needs to be older and mature in order to fullfill his role.
from what i understand, i havent read anywhere that the husband has to be older at all.the main thing is that he is a good muslim husband and does what a good muslim husband is supposed to,which is look after his wife and family, and yes your father is right, the husband is reagrded the leader of the household.

[THC]

WHEN NABI SALLALAHU ALAIHI WASSALIM WAS 25 , KHADIJA (MAY ALLAH BE PLEASED WITH HER) WAS 40. tHIS IS A 15 YR AGE GAP THE OPPOSITE WAY. AGE DOES NOT MATTER

[<Pathan>]

:rubeyes: :up:

[muslimPK]

when people intend to do something then they find an argument to convince others. :rolleyes:

like when my father intended me to study he would give example of Muhammad Ali Jinnah that he was studing till night. :D

[ponderingstar]

personally i think the reason the majority of marriages are this way is due to a few reasons. One i that men generally are rather simple minded and only tend to find young women attractive. secondly a woman can have children (i mean have the physical capability) between the ages of say early teens to early 40's whereas a man can father up until VERY late in life. Also (APPARENTLY!!!) after women go through menopause their interest in having "intimate relations" wanes rather significantly (APPARENTLY!). Whereas i am not aware of any such wane in the male interest. So if a man is a lot older this waning of interest from his wife effects him a lot later. I also think this is one of the reasons men can have up to four wives.
Also, in society, older women are not perceived to attractive (*SOB!*) whereas older men are.

[Jam]

*stretches* ahhh, tis good to be a man :D

[ponderingstar]

*stretches* ahhh, tis good to be a man :D
only a single man has the luxury to sretch in that manner:D

[NoorAlHuda]

i think also within muslims girls tend to marry younger, whereas men tend to finish their education, work etc, making them not have the same luxtury as a lot of women and therefore marrying at an older age, and yes men are more attracted to young women, but women are also more attracted to older men and sis pondering star is right its due to mens simple mind that a younger woman is all he can cope with, wheras an older woman or someone his age is much more challenging:D

[hen]

you know your posts are very well reasoned.

doesnt the man also lose interest as he ages? I thought that was why they sell Viagra now to help men be interested in intimate relations.



personally i think the reason the majority of marriages are this way is due to a few reasons. One i that men generally are rather simple minded and only tend to find young women attractive. secondly a woman can have children (i mean have the physical capability) between the ages of say early teens to early 40's whereas a man can father up until VERY late in life. Also (APPARENTLY!!!) after women go through menopause their interest in having "intimate relations" wanes rather significantly (APPARENTLY!). Whereas i am not aware of any such wane in the male interest. So if a man is a lot older this waning of interest from his wife effects him a lot later. I also think this is one of the reasons men can have up to four wives.
Also, in society, older women are not perceived to attractive (*SOB!*) whereas older men are.

[Stanley Stunodd]

Could it have everything to do with the ability to create children, rather than Love?

An old man can still father children, while an older woman physically passes an age where she no longer can give children to her husband.

[amal]

Are indeed man interested to have children ,even after 50 or 60? I think they not because know the time until which will be able to raise them its not enough.

So the love or better said the wish to have 4 wives not need to be related to children.

[hen]

I read recently that men in their 60's only want to have intimate relations a couple of times per month, that most of the time they prefer to crawl into their beds alone with their jammies as their only company. This was actually a paraphrase of a quote from Jack Nicholson, the movie star. Not that I put any credit on anything coming from a movie stars lips, but it was interesting to read about it, since Nicholson is a well known womanizer.

It is true, as men age they retain their sex appeal, while women who age do not. Although I did read that in France women who are older are viewed as a fine wine. That is why I could never hate the French like the rest of my American compatriaots.

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
see what happens when I stand in line at the grocery store? I get caught up on all the crap coming out of hollywood from the gossip rags. sigh............

[ponderingstar]

doesnt the man also lose interest as he ages? I thought that was why they sell Viagra now to help men be interested in intimate relations.
The man loses the ability but not the desire.

i have been lead to believe women lose the actual desire.

[lonely_me]

Here's how I see it... women, being such clever creatures outsmart men... A woman who's 20 outsmarts a 30 years old man... so... in order to live a harmonious life women should marry men who are older so that they (men) can keep up with them (women), intellectually speaking! If a woman marries a guy who's of her age, it would be like talking to be like talking to -10 yrs old creature... so...there... :rolleyes:

[MG]

you know your posts are very well reasoned.

doesnt the man also lose interest as he ages? I thought that was why they sell Viagra now to help men be interested in intimate relations.
lol!!!

[afrasayab]

There is no age gab limit, or who should be older and who should be younger in Islam.

Now to why in most marriages the man is older then woman is due to many diff reasons; monetary, maturity, personal values, and culture.

Most men see family finance as their responsibility, so they want to be secure financialy before they get married. On the other hand, alot of woman look for financial stability in a marriage, ie, a man who can provide for them.

Not sure how much it is true, but its been said that women mature faster then men and are in need of security.

Men usually get attracted to youthfulness and beauty, so they tend to marry younger woman, and as said before fertility of a woman is also very important to man. Woman get attracted to a man's personality and maturity.

In most cultures it is expected that the man is older then the woman when it comes to marraige.

[Ali_Khan]

Here's how I see it... women, being such clever creatures outsmart men... A woman who's 20 outsmarts a 30 years old man... so... in order to live a harmonious life women should marry men who are older so that they (men) can keep up with them (women), intellectually speaking! If a woman marries a guy who's of her age, it would be like talking to be like talking to -10 yrs old creature... so...there... :rolleyes:I agree with this but its more like a 3-4 year difference.

[lonely_me]

I agree with this but its more like a 3-4 year difference.

I set the numbers myself... didn't depend on any statistics or empirical studies... those figures may go up or come down.. depending on other factors... but it's a valid theory!! trust me! :rolleyes: