I am in need of some Peace and Calm

[Stanley Stunodd]

Tonight began like every other night before since 10 year ago.
Except this one was met with the demise of my marriage and not my first meet my wife.
So many things have occured, there isn't enough cyberspace to hold it all,
if I were to type it all out.
Suffice to say; I became a millstone around my wife's neck.
I became ill and slowly dragged her down with me until tonight
she told me she can not take it any more.

I know she will be alright, she's a very strong woman in all regards.
As for me, Dr.'s haven't helped me for the past 8 years,
I guess when I lose my health care, I can stop taking all those damn pills !
This is so new to me, the only thing I can think of is to walk out into the desert,
without any supplies, and just keep walking.
I'll have to find a nice family to leave my dog with, on the way south.
Would "the only thing I can think of is to walk out into the desert,
without any supplies, and just keep walking." technically be the same as suicide?
I know God frowns upon that.

[admin]

Hey, hey there. Slow down, now. I'm sad to read your post. Life tosses some pretty tough pitches at us, now and then. Some tougher than others. You probably had some good times. Maybe now is the time to grieve, but maybe later you can remember the good times. I agree your in a real bad place now, but it is within your power to make it better, over time.

Peace,

Oneshot

[Mary Carol]

Glad you found the Peace and Calm of this spot when you most needed it.

Wish I could offer you more right now than my friendship and my sympathy.

I know what it is like when a marriage ends, and what a burden illness can be both on the patient and their family.

I can promise you that for me, things have always improved after my world was at it's lowest.

I know that doesn't make the present any easier to bear.

But I hope that it gives you a little strength to see another dawn.

:love:

[Tahiyah]

Stan..

Hang in there, and don't give up. trying talking things out with your wife, maybe she is saying this just to let you know its time to make some changes that will help her out more. try marriage counseling. and always let her know you appreciate her.

we are all faced with hardship and difficulty in our lives. it could be Allah has a plan for you, or a certain level of understanding he desires for you to attain, and you cant get there without these struggles. our wisdom and knowledge develops with these experiences.

(also keep in mind that an ending is also a new beginning.)

turn to Allah, ask him to guide you, grant you patience and the ability to understand.

visit the following post/thread

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46393

[Chained_Water]

Stan,

That is very sad to hear.. it's difficult to give advice when you don't know the whole story. I hope you work things out though and that your marriage doesn't end though. If that is what is meant to happen though, I hope you move forward and find happiness again.

I think it would be good for you to read the Quran right now. Hearts find peace in the rememberance of Allah(swt).. inshaAllah you will find peace in His words and they will help you and guide you through your problems and through your life.

That is my sincere advice, I hope it helps you if you give it a chance, inshaAllah.

[Stanley Stunodd]

Thank you everyone !

I've been doing a whole lot of thinking today and I think I'll be Ok.
It's just the sudden shock of it all and being ill, with no family to turn to, I'm sort of out in the cold after we part ways.

I'm going to talk to her when she comes home tonight and suggest that I seek psychiatric assistance to get my head on right. A No-fault divorce takes a minimum of two months to become final and our home most likely won't sell quickly unless I can get the IRS off my loan.
So, maybe by the time all this becomes final, I'll be better able to handle it.

[Chained_Water]

Stan, is there no way to save things?

If you both still love each other, but it's the circumstances you find yourselves in that drive her to this.. then surely there can be a way to overcome that.

Would it be too personal for you to tell us about the problems/illness?
I don't want to pry or make you feel uncomfortable at all. It's just to better understand your position and maybe be able to help/advise you better if we can at all.

[AbuMubarak]

whats with the sappy stuff going on in here?

stan, i presume you are a grown man, and that life may have thrown you a few curve balls

thats life

take it from someone who has had to deal with more curveballs than i will ever share on ummah.com

but my wife can testify, the last thing you need to do is wallow in sorrow

not that i am sounding harsh, you got enough people's shoulders here to support you, as for me, my method of support is to remind you that everything in life works out for the best (unless you are going to hell), so dont give up

dont wallow
dont wail
dont feel sorry for yourself

if the chick wants to go, there aint nuttin you can do to stop it, if you were muslim, i would tell you that Allah has something better right around the corner, but since you aint, i dont know what to tell you other than, hang in there kid

it aint over till the fat............ uh guy sings

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

wait isnt it..lady?

[AbuMubarak]

and before you go on that long walk, stop by a masjid, take your shahada

you will thank me in the morning

[Stanley Stunodd]

and before you go on that long walk, stop by a masjid, take your shahada

you will thank me in the morning

stop by a masjid, am I allowed entry, as a non-muslim?
take your shahada, what exactly is a shahada
Do you think it's possible, somebody would hold my dogs leash while I went inside?

[AbuMubarak]

i dont know about the dogleash, but depending upon where you live, maybe tying him outside will do

or leave him home

yes, a non-muslim is allowed inside the masjid

and shahada is where you verbally say, you believe that there is nothing worthy of worship but the one true god (of creation) and that muhammad is the messenger of that one god

[Chained_Water]

I think his dog is a guide dog..

I'm sure they'd make arrangements for it, and take good care of you whilst you are at the mosque Stan.

[AbuMubarak]

depends on the masjid, chained

i didnt know stan was blind,

stan, if you are blind, how are you posting at ummah?

[admin]

Stanley:

I will hold your dog's leash, if necessary. You would be welcomed at any masjid, especially if your intent is made clear. And Shahada is of course the Declaration of Faith. I would caution you to make sure you have a clear vision and unemcumbered heart first, but then some people just rush right in when in dire need. You are in our dua's (I'll even have a word with your pal Kaleem26 on your behalf!). Keep an even keel, is my best advice.

Peace,

Oneshot

[Chained_Water]

well AbuM, I'm only guessing.. not blind, maybe partially blind? I don't know.. but his other post on this forum seemed to hint at something of that nature.. he mentioned his walking stick and his dog, colour going from life, etc..

I could be totally wrong, it would certainly help if he stuck to prose in explaining things as poetry leaves more room for incorrect interpretation.

[CoolGhostAD]

well after all this help stan, how r u? r u comforted, calm, at peace, or anything else gud?

[Stanley Stunodd]

stan, if you are blind, how are you posting at ummah?


LOL ! :rotfl:

NO No no, regardless of anything else which might occur,
I need to provide for my friend, she gives love, unconditionally.
And some times, when I least deserve it !

If I am left with two sets of clothing and my dog,
then that is where I'll start over from. I guess !!!?

It's just that my life is in shambles right now and I haven't figuired it out yet.
I was running on pure emotion this morning and I knew that I could come here and talk openly about my problem.

Thank you, everyone , for being so kind-hearted toward a stranger & a kaffir. (sp?) :)

[CoolGhostAD]

that is gud, i guess.

[Stanley Stunodd]

Stanley:

I will hold your dog's leash, if necessary.
You would be welcomed at any masjid, especially if your intent is made clear.
And Shahada is of course the Declaration of Faith.
I would caution you to make sure you have a clear vision and unemcumbered heart first,
but then some people just rush right in when in dire need.
You are in our dua's (I'll even have a word with your pal Kaleem26 on your behalf!).
Keep an even keel, is my best advice.

Peace,

Oneshot
Thank you for the invite but, I wouldn't rush right in because I couldn't honestly declare this Shahada .
No visitors allowed Eh?

My pal Kaleem26 , is merely filled with a young man's passions.
If I hazard a guess, if he has children, he's most likely a good father.
I do wish he could channel his passion toward building things up, rather than tearing them down.

You know, now that the day has passed, and I have spoken to many of you,
I'm coming to be at ease with the whole matter and simply resigned to sign which documents are needed and complete this separation.
I looked it up on the internet and it takes 2 months min.
Selling the house, decide about the cars, she definately gets the two cats !
Speaking of Kaleem26 (or other tough talkers), I wonder if my moments this morning made me appear weak?
I realize there are many young lions out there who have suffered even greater things than I have complained about today and, in comparison, I should be ashamed at losing my head.

[ZawjatuRaafi]

Nah everyone hits their hard points owl...(sorry i will probably always call you owl)

As my husband said he has definitely hit hard times. BUT he is always as brunt about it as he was with you LOL... Nothing SEEMS to effect that man!

But dont let him fool ya he has his days too. Divorce is hard, especially when you see value in marriage, when you really believe in its sacredness. Marriage is also hard, but if you can reconcile your affairs this is best.

Either way just hang on cause tomorrow often brings a better day :)

[Stanley Stunodd]

Marriage is also hard, but if you can reconcile your affairs this is best.
What is really sad is that I talk to perfect strangers more often and more intimately than my wife.
I believe she lost that loving feeling a long time ago and just kept pushing forward due to our vows but, I guess there comes a breaking point for everything.

[CoolGhostAD]

this is really sad stuff

[ZawjatuRaafi]

OKAY Owl LOSE THE BLEEDING HEART NOW!!!

many net users tend to in my opinion, its something that all should stop doing and focus more on talking to our family members. It is amazing how much is talked about with people on the net versus the people in our own homes...

Something we ALL must work more on...

[Mary Carol]

Thank you, everyone, for being so kind-hearted toward a stranger & a kaffir. (sp?) :)

May I make a generalization here? :)

It was our pleasure and Allah's (swt) Stan.



By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well.

003.092 Al-E-Imran

[Stanley Stunodd]

OKAY Owl LOSE THE BLEEDING HEART NOW!!!..
Ok. I lost the bleeding heart avatar. I was aksed by someone else and found the funny goat smiley facebut, it seems it wasn't found to be funny by some, so I changed it to the smiley face above.

[sajid]

hmm just saw this thread..sorry to her about it Stan i really wish u all the best and hope things work out

yeh its only natural to come on the net and share your concerns with total strangers if that what makees u feel betetr then no one is stopping u..........im sure ppl here can give ya good advice and i guess u can use this forum as a shoulder to cry on...if ya know what i mean

like abu said hang in there :)