I need an advice too!

[afrasayab]

Salaam Brothers and Sisters.

I am posting this to share my thoughts, to get some reasurance and advice, and lesson for other ppl so they can learn.

About 6month ago one of my friend 'hooked' me up with this girl who lives backhome. Her family lives in USA, but she is still in the native country. Anyway, she contacted me and we started chating online, i found her interesting, and she also showed me some of her pics. She was drop dead gorgous, I mean, I havent seen a girl like her in my culture here. She was all serious and stuff about me and even made me talk to her family. I did talk to her family in USA but didnt take things too far coz, i wasn't sure, I told her that I'll go back home myself and see things for myself, because sometimes it sounded to good to be true. Throughout this time i was completely honest to her about everything.

Well, couple of weeks ago this other person added me to their chat list and started talking to me as a girl. But recently He revealed to me that it's HE not She, and that HE is in love with the girl whom i have been talking to for a while. He claimed that she loves him too but since her family is in USA and she wants to come to USA too, she was kinda forced to talk to me. But now she has realized how much i love her, and that's why she is not willing to talk to me anymore. He begged me not to tell her family in USA. I asked for proof, that I want to talk to her and hear from her, and if she varifies I wont tell anyone and leave them alone. He gave me his # and said that i can call and talk to her.

So this is the story so far..... I just dono what to beleive or trust anymore, who to trust anymore. I have been through this couple of times before too. In all those times I was honest but I got '****ed up my ass'. I am a very rational and honest person, I want a simple life. I have never decieved, or hurt anyone intentionaly, rather i have gotten hurt protecting other ppl. I also pray to Allah to protect me and to not put me through this kinda stuff again, but it happens everytime I open my heart for someone. I am reaching a point where I cant trust anyone anymore. And sometimes it feels that I cant even trust God, coz i never see a direction or the right path, i never see any hint, and i always pray to him for protection against such things, yet it happens again and again. To tell you guyz the truth, this incident is not bothering me as much, coz i have been through much worse before, so i guess i am used to it. However, i am at a point where i feeling like saying that this is just too much and pretty pointless, coz i have been trhough the same ****in things before. I have had my fair share, I have learned alot at this young age, and i just dont need this **** anymore.

In one way i like to beleive that God has protected me from worse and i should be thankful, on the other hand I feel that why is He putting me through this again? Its not that i havent had enough, as i said i have had my fair share of it already.

Anyways, enough of my complains, i do complain too much. As usuall i have decided to leave this matter alone, and close this chapter. If i was an asshole i would just tell her family, and even tell her brother who is still backhome, but I am not. I dont live to hurt ppl, I forgive them. I have. It is just that everytime I go through this i feel God hasnt forgiven me. I have learned not to expect much from ppl, but what should i expect from God.

Yes, i dont have the strongest faith or iman, but i do have the desire to have it. Everytime something bad happens, i dont get angry at ppl, i rather get angry at God, for putting me through it. Is it coz i have alot of love for God and i want to walk on the right path, and I get angry coz i love him so much, or is it that my faith is weak, and i dont trust him enough.

I am not asking anyone here to judge me, but to give me their advice, thougths, input.

Salaam

[ponderingstar]

Dear Brother,

i think you have two issues here , the first of your situation with this girl and the second your trust in Allah and your faith.

As for teh first, i do not quite understand your predicament, did you talk to the girl? I don't actually understand what happened or why the girl was talking to you? What was she to gain? I think i understand that she is fromthe USA, where do you live and where does this man who claims to share love for the girl live? I am sorry i am confused but i cannot give you my opinion until i understand the situation.

As for you faith in Allah, i find it silly. I think you need to realise there is a bigger picture, you must be strong and realise that life is not easy. It is not meant to be easy. Allah never promised that it would be easy. Life is difficult and far more difficult than what you have told us. For you to lose faith at every hurdle is in my opinion (and sorry if this offends you) arrogant. Allah has given you free will and all other people on earth have that same burden or privelidge. This means that Allah gives people the right to behave badly to other people. We all have this right. We are judged on our actions and that includes our actions in times of adversity. As someone put it to me recently: Islam should be your steering wheel and not your spare tyre. (cheesy, yes, but a good point) Meaning Islam should help you understand life and guide your actions as opposed to something you fall back upon when you find it convenient. Your life will not be padded with security and luxury always. you will go through incredibly tough times and you can ask many of the people on this forum about times when they have felt weak, attcked, victimised, lonely, abandoned etc. In my opinion if you study Islam and keep your faith strong it makes you a stronger human being and more capable of dealing with adversity. May Allah grant you strength and wisdom so that you are more capable to deal with your problems.

I am sorry if i have seemed a little harsh brother, it's just how i see it. If you are feeling low it is good to search for help and i probably have not answered your questions in the best way possible. It is far easier to complain about events that to be grateful for the things we take for granted.That is the nature of man. ANd as i've said before on this forum, if you have access to the internet, you are probably a lot luckier than most of the people on this planet. Turn to Allah for guidance and learns from your bad experiences. People can be bad, that is life, you should keep your guard up somewhat against people you do not know. This does not mean becoming hard hearted, it just means that you are wiser and less gullible. You do not have to be mean, just cautious.

I hope you can clarify your issues onthe first problem so maybe more people can help.

[Stanley Stunodd]

In the first instance, it would appear to me that this young woman is seeking an easy way to gain entry into the USA to be with her family.
It wouldn't appear from what you described as Love but, a need for an accomplice.

As for FAITH, this is made much harder due to the Unseen nature of God and his Spiritual Kingdom.
Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat

I dreamed last night I got on the boat to heaven
And by some chance I had brought my dice along
And there I stood
And I hollered "Someone fade me"
But the passengers, they knew right from wrong.
For the peopel all said sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat

People all said sit down
Sit down you're rockin' the boat.

And the devil will drag you under
By the sharp lapel of your checkered coat,
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down,

Sit down you're rockin' the boat.

I sailed away on that little boat to heaven
And by some chance found a bottle in my fist
And there I stood,Nicely passin' out the whisky
But the passengers were bound to resisist
For the people all said beware
You're on a heavenly trip
People all said beware
Beware, you'll scuttle the ship.
And the devil will drag you under
By the fancy tie 'round your wicked throat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat

And as I laughed at those passengers to heaven (laughs)
(gasps!) A great big wave came and washed me over board!
And as I sank And I hollered "someone save me!"
That's the moment I woke up Thank the lord
And I said to myself, sit down, sit down,
You're rockin' the boat!
Said to myself sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil will drag you under With a soul so heavy you'd never float,
Sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat

[outlandish]

Sorry brother but all I can say is having relationship with the girl in the first place like that was wrong. Than u blame God for something that u did wrong urself to start with,when it doesnt end well.?

If u have been through such things many times before,than isnt it better to sit down and reflect on what might have caused it,and learn from it and not do it again. If ur looking to marry than do it through right means,no heartbreaks can than ever occur like that.

[afrasayab]

Thanks brother and sisters for your input.

PonderingStar: I am sure alot of ppl have been through much worse then I am, but i have been through enoug too. I have seen my mom suffer from extreme pains, and dying of cancer infront of me. I have seen much more but i wouldn't go into details.

I am sorry u didnt understand the first part (my story) i guess i didnt explain it properly. The girl lives in pakistan, and we were used to talk on the internet. About a month ago she stopped talking, but i was still in touch iwth her family in USA. And few days ago this other person (who i assume in in pakistan) added me to their list and started chating. And then he told me that him and the girl in pakistan are in love and begged me to step aside. He bagged me to not tell the girls family in USA either. I hope I am more clear now.

Outlandish: I only had the 'relationship' with this girl through the net (if thats what u wanna call it). My intensions were pure and thats why I also talked to her family in USA. So the family was involved, and i dont think i did anything wrong. This is allowed in islam.

Stanly: i think you understood my story. thank you.

I am not weak, i have never been. My friends look up to me, and wonder how am i still sane and well even after going through so much. Life is hard, yes i agree. But going through this stuff consistantly makes me passismistic about rest of my life. I am young, this is the time that i should be enjoying not suffering. Anyway, i still pray to Allah to keep me on the right path, and i also pray for other ppl, and forgive them.

I am just sharing my thoughts with you guyz, the questions that are on my mind, that i ask my self and God. Allah has given me alot of things, yet i feel sometimes those things work against me. He has given me good looks, but what is good looks worth when all you get is ppl who betray you. He has given me perfect physical health, but equally stressful life. He has given me strong will ( i dont drink, smoke or do drugs), but i dont see those things appreciated. He has given me hope, but hope also kills, because when you hope you expect, and when your exepectations are not met, you get discouraged and disappointed. He has given me a very inteligent mind, abstract and creative, a strong sense of right and wrong, morality, and fairness. But sometimes i wonder my life would be a bliss if i was an ignorent fool.

anyway, thats guyz

salaam

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

ok..a) dude..u reali were ****ed up the a*s*s*
b)..dont let one bad experience hinder u..crap happens..move on..and forget..u'll find one..

[Reema]

hehehehehe isnt that just a nice thing to say ;)

[ponderingstar]

PonderingStar: I am sure alot of ppl have been through much worse then I am, but i have been through enoug too. I have seen my mom suffer from extreme pains, and dying of cancer infront of me. I have seen much more but i wouldn't go into details.

I am sorry u didnt understand the first part (my story) i guess i didnt explain it properly. The girl lives in pakistan, and we were used to talk on the internet. About a month ago she stopped talking, but i was still in touch iwth her family in USA. And few days ago this other person (who i assume in in pakistan) added me to their list and started chating. And then he told me that him and the girl in pakistan are in love and begged me to step aside. He bagged me to not tell the girls family in USA either. I hope I am more clear now.


Okay so basically this guy claims he is in love with thiswoman. YOu cannot take a strangers word over another strangers word (i assume you do not know either of them personally). you MUST clarify this issue with her. I suggest maybe even talking to her on the phone and asking the question so you can better gage her reaction. This is probably a rather important thing and hence to trust a stranger is bad. This could even be another girl who is jealous of the is girl you are talking to ... well i mean life can be extreme and bizarre. I have seen many stranger and more soap opera'esque' things happen around me that i would not regard something like that to be impossible.

i REALLY think you need to take this issue further before proclaiming yourself the victim. And also brother, even when times are hard it is not good to develop a victim mentality. I do not mean that in any way as an insult but when people go through tough times is makes them weak. You MUST realise that you HAVE TO get stronger otherwise these things will effect you for the rest of your life. You must learn from each experience. I think your mother getting cancer is very troublesome, maybe if this is the case you should not be looking to find a wife at the moment? NOt that i know your circumstances but just a thought. Married life can be wonderful but such a big change when you also have such a stressful situation at home is not somethign to take for granted. Not to say you shoudl put everything at hols until your mother is better, that may be extreme, but youneed to be mentally and emotionally strong before you make a decision regarding an appropriate wife.

I think i would like to know how this guy got your email etc. Did you ever ask him? I REALLY think youMUST ask the GIrl to clarify.

As for all your strengths and weaknesses, they are all relative. Allah does not give people good looks so that they cannot be betrayed. What a silly thing to say. Can you imagine if being good looking provided you with some sort of barrier? I you look at life and have EVER even supposed such a thing i think i will consider you somewhat immature. ( I think i can say that because i am probably older than you :D )

I think you need to see the reasoning abilities Allah has given you and understand the nature of life and the nature of humans. I think when you understand these things better you will see how Islam fits in with all of that. I know this sounds harsh but Life does not revilve around you. It does TO you, in your perception but life is FAR more complicated in a full bigger picture reality. don't be the victim.

Undertsand that different people are different and that MOST of the time, although you can tell them what is right and wrong or tell them the truth as you see it, theywill continue to be the same. People are victims to their own personalities. Certain people get angry quickly, some people lie and manipulate because they want people to liek them, some people act harsh and abrasive because many people rely on them and they are used to being that way and do not wnat to be seen as weak, come people act needy and desperate becaus ethey feel misunderstood. (we all have our own tests.) Most actions have reasons behind them, and all you can do is make the most of your lot and try and rememebr that ultimately YOU have control over your mind. I mean ESPECIALLY if you think or know you are intelligent etc.

This is YOUR mind, it will always be there unless you get a TERRIBLE illness or have a SERIOUS accident. Rememebr there is Always Allah, that he has provided things for you so that you can escape once in a while. Readv a book, go for a walk, talk with friends. Tell your friends your problems but also just chill with them etc, have a laugh and share some memories and jokes. Wallow every once in a while but get out too. Pray and keep faith. I know you have been through a lot but MOST people have. you are not alone brother.

[MG]

i have been thru some worse crap than this,trust me but u know what keeps me going and helps me be strongin my iman?


That allah tests those he loves,he tests the believers, that statement is what i have thought about evrytime, i went thruogh crap and it got me thru.

Pray and do duas ,the rewards are for those that are patient and steadfast

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

aww sorry to hear that sis..so have i..and yep he tests us..

[MG]

aww sorry to hear that sis..so have i..and yep he tests us..
thanks apprentice, always remeber there is someone worse of than u and then u cant go wrong.

May allah be with u all

[UNITED COLOURS]

Brother i feel for you
it may be harder for us people in the west living behind enemy lines.

I had a similar situation once and i learnt a valuable lesson.
i have never liked a girl ,then when i was at uni i met this muslim girl and she seemed so sweet and nice and family strong and she looked amazing too. :up:

i fell for her in a pure way and i told her how i felt .and that one day i would buy her a ring from Makro :D

but the lesson was if you dont do things the islamic way you will not get blessings(i am not saying you dident)
I mean there is a reason in islam why we are meant to wait and then our family arranges these things...the reason is control and love is like your virginity once its gone you cant get it back.
i dont think i will ever forget this girl i liked.its my curese and lesson .
have faith in Allah and Allah will bless you with and equal

And these things (not drinking being sincer) do count
i know this girl and when we were younger she used to have guys coming up to her 24/7 and she enjoyed it .she went uni messed around dated differrent races and religions .and now shes older after all that **** guess who she keeps trying to suggest i marry :D it does count.


in the uni 18-25 envirnoment it does not because everyone is so damm cheap .
but when marriage time comes round because you have not done these things you will have a beautiful marriage ,as you know you have the right to the best .
I guess we just have to have faith in Allah and wait,then one day inshalla we will get the equal that was made for us.

Dont worry bro it happens i tried not to fall in that situatrion but it was meant to be and its not an entirley negative thing .because once you see the how cruel evil soem woman are , when you find a real woman you will love her so much more because you will Know "what a womans worth" :rolleyes:

Brothers and sisters become diamonds
The reason i say this is.
why is a diamond so beautiful ??

becuase its surronded by rubbish ,dirt and pressure (ok i know its carbon)
and all that crap, if you dont break it will make you a diamond too. :wacko:

Players and hoes are 100 for £1 but real men and woman are one in a million :inlove:


sorry for spelling cant be bothered to check it cos its soo long :nuts:




Thanks brother and sisters for your input.

PonderingStar: I am sure alot of ppl have been through much worse then I am, but i have been through enoug too. I have seen my mom suffer from extreme pains, and dying of cancer infront of me. I have seen much more but i wouldn't go into details.

I am sorry u didnt understand the first part (my story) i guess i didnt explain it properly. The girl lives in pakistan, and we were used to talk on the internet. About a month ago she stopped talking, but i was still in touch iwth her family in USA. And few days ago this other person (who i assume in in pakistan) added me to their list and started chating. And then he told me that him and the girl in pakistan are in love and begged me to step aside. He bagged me to not tell the girls family in USA either. I hope I am more clear now.

Outlandish: I only had the 'relationship' with this girl through the net (if thats what u wanna call it). My intensions were pure and thats why I also talked to her family in USA. So the family was involved, and i dont think i did anything wrong. This is allowed in islam.

Stanly: i think you understood my story. thank you.

I am not weak, i have never been. My friends look up to me, and wonder how am i still sane and well even after going through so much. Life is hard, yes i agree. But going through this stuff consistantly makes me passismistic about rest of my life. I am young, this is the time that i should be enjoying not suffering. Anyway, i still pray to Allah to keep me on the right path, and i also pray for other ppl, and forgive them.

I am just sharing my thoughts with you guyz, the questions that are on my mind, that i ask my self and God. Allah has given me alot of things, yet i feel sometimes those things work against me. He has given me good looks, but what is good looks worth when all you get is ppl who betray you. He has given me perfect physical health, but equally stressful life. He has given me strong will ( i dont drink, smoke or do drugs), but i dont see those things appreciated. He has given me hope, but hope also kills, because when you hope you expect, and when your exepectations are not met, you get discouraged and disappointed. He has given me a very inteligent mind, abstract and creative, a strong sense of right and wrong, morality, and fairness. But sometimes i wonder my life would be a bliss if i was an ignorent fool.

anyway, thats guyz

salaam

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

Nice..bro..and ur right 100% muslim girl..:)

[MG]

[QUOTE=UNITED COLOURS]Brother i feel for you
it may be harder for us people in the west living behind enemy lines.

I had a similar situation once and i learnt a valuable lesson.
i have never liked a girl ,then when i was at uni i met this muslim girl and she seemed so sweet and nice and family strong and she looked amazing too. :up:

i fell for her in a pure way and i told her how i felt .and that one day i would buy her a ring from Makro :D

but the lesson was if you dont do things the islamic way you will not get blessings(i am not saying you dident)
I mean there is a reason in islam why we are meant to wait and then our family arranges these things...the reason is control and love is like your virginity once its gone you cant get it back.
i dont think i will ever forget this girl i liked.its my curese and lesson .
have faith in Allah and Allah will bless you with and equal

And these things (not drinking being sincer) do count
i know this girl and when we were younger she used to have guys coming up to her 24/7 and she enjoyed it .she went uni messed around dated differrent races and religions .and now shes older after all that **** guess who she keeps trying to suggest i marry :D it does count.


in the uni 18-25 envirnoment it does not because everyone is so damm cheap .
but when marriage time comes round because you have not done these things you will have a beautiful marriage ,as you know you have the right to the best .
I guess we just have to have faith in Allah and wait,then one day inshalla we will get the equal that was made for us.

Dont worry bro it happens i tried not to fall in that situatrion but it was meant to be and its not an entirley negative thing .because once you see the how cruel evil soem woman are , when you find a real woman you will love her so much more because you will Know "what a womans worth" :rolleyes:

Brothers and sisters become diamonds
The reason i say this is.
why is a diamond so beautiful ??

becuase its surronded by rubbish ,dirt and pressure (ok i know its carbon)
and all that crap, if you dont break it will make you a diamond too. :wacko:

Players and hoes are 100 for £1 but real men and woman are one in a million :inlove:






ditto bro,ditto.

Inshallah may allah guide us and keep us strong and steadfast.

Allah ho Akbar

[ABDELWAHHAB]

i have been thru some worse crap than this,trust me but u know what keeps me going and helps me be strongin my iman?


That allah tests those he loves,he tests the believers, that statement is what i have thought about evrytime, i went thruogh crap and it got me thru.

Pray and do duas ,the rewards are for those that are patient and steadfast

as-Salaamu 3laykum wa-Ra7matullaahi wa-Barakaatuh Sister Moslemah
In'shaa'ALLAAH may you never go through hardship again.
In'shaa'ALLAAH may you always be happy here and the hereafter.

[MG]

as-Salaamu 3laykum wa-Ra7matullaahi wa-Barakaatuh Sister Moslemah
In'shaa'ALLAAH may you never go through hardship again.
In'shaa'ALLAAH may you always be happy here and the hereafter.

Jazak Allah Brother

[UNITED COLOURS]

ditto bro,ditto.

Inshallah may allah guide us and keep us strong and steadfast.

Allah ho Akbar

Thanks bro ,i think alot of us go through the same situation "Forced marriage" and girls getting Love confused with lust is a common thing :wacko:

But if she comes to you ..........let it burn....cos she has done it to others

[afrasayab]

Thanks brothers and sisters for your ideas and support. i am sure alot of ppl have been through worse, and i feel sorry for them. I guess it hurts more especialy when it is not your fault but u still suffer.

Well, I dont get hurt from these kinda things as much now, coz i guess im used to them... lol. It rather gets frustrating.

As per my iman, i dono, sometimes i believe my iman is very strong, coz i feel many things deeply that many other ppl don't, or so i think. And sometimes i think my iman has weakened coz all of these things. I often talk to Allah and have conversations, but sometimes i feel that there is complete silence on the other end.

[MG]

Thanks brothers and sisters for your ideas and support. i am sure alot of ppl have been through worse, and i feel sorry for them. I guess it hurts more especialy when it is not your fault but u still suffer.

Well, I dont get hurt from these kinda things as much now, coz i guess im used to them... lol. It rather gets frustrating.

As per my iman, i dono, sometimes i believe my iman is very strong, coz i feel many things deeply that many other ppl don't, or so i think. And sometimes i think my iman has weakened coz all of these things. I often talk to Allah and have conversations, but sometimes i feel that there is complete silence on the other end.
QUOTE-"silence on the other side"

THIS is where your iman comes in brother,Allah has left so much on this earth ,to show us of his existence and to show us how we should live our lives.

As for "getting used to these kinda things happeing" to u, u need to get that negative thought out of ur head for starters and think more along the lines of "i am a stronger person BECAUSE of these things happeineg to me" , think what kinda person u woulda been if these so-called things hadnt happened to u, do u really think u would be as strong as u r today?

I know one thing, if i hadnt been thru half the ups/downs i would be a very weak person today, its BECAUSE of these TESTS (because this is what they are) that we are stronger in our iman and as a person and it is these tests that will make us a good muslim,inshallah.
#
May Allah Guide Us On The Right Path and Stop Us falling On The Wrong.