View Full Version : 10Tips How to be a Successful Wife
ZawjatuRaafi
29-09-04, 04:49 PM
Prepared by Muhammad Alshareef
1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta'ala - into Jannah.
2. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect.
3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.
4. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”
5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again.
This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.
6. Joke and play games with your husband.
A mans secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.
7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.
From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband.
8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them
The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.
9 . When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.
10. Use your ‘Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah - Azza wa Jal - has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.
ze leetle elper
29-09-04, 07:15 PM
Great tips mashaAllah! :D :up:
peace2u
30-09-04, 07:46 AM
Have these tips ever been applied and do they really work??? That's what makes a tip great, it's success rate. ~this is not a joke, I really want to know~
Peace
Umm_Mujahid
30-09-04, 07:57 AM
depends on who your married to sis I would say yes many of the tips have been done and succesful too, but you have to be with someone who accepts these things and has much compassion and love in his heart for ya...
I know sisters that for example have done the apology even when they werent wrong but if they have a bullheaded husband he still may not accept it. then I know some that as soon as they see that from their wife say OH mashaa Allah you know in thinking you really arent the one who should be apologizing i should be ya know so i guess the success rate has alot to do with the spouse too...
i like the tip about the hoor al ayn though mashaa Allah thats a good one...
peace2u
30-09-04, 08:05 AM
okay, I guess tip #1 should be......find a brother who accepts these things. but I like tips #7 through 10. As for the rest, you're right, it depends on the kind of man you're married to. Saying sorry to a jerk when it's not your fault is a little hard to do.
Insha Allah I pray I don't land with a Jerk.
Peace
okay, I guess tip #1 should be......find a brother who accepts these things. but I like tips #7 through 10. As for the rest, you're right, it depends on the kind of man you're married to. Saying sorry to a jerk when it's not your fault is a little hard to do.
Insha Allah I pray I don't land with a Jerk.
PeaceI have the same doubts, because it needs a really understanding man which don't push the line to far. This obey and listen can turn in somethnig very very....better not to mention.
Its like the woman need to do everything for her hubby happiness but the question is if he will appreciate this, or after a while will consider its his right to be spoiled. I like when the relation its mutual, not one in top and other at bottom doing everything for the other.
Baby Paw
01-10-04, 02:53 PM
If you can fix up a tasty dish for your man to eat, then this will please him. I know it would please me.
I would never want a wife like that. I want a wife who wants more than simply stays at home and clean house. I do not want a wife that is thanking me constantly. And above all I want a wife who not only wants to fight back, but will fight back when she is knows she is right, or knows when I am wrong. I want a wife with her own opinions and her own ideas, and ideals and is willing to stand up do defend and fight for them. I also do not want a wife that is dependent upon me.
Just wanted to say that because other cultures and other people have different views of what type of person they want to marry.
Tahiyah
02-10-04, 04:44 PM
i love islam.. but i also agree with dour 100%. how is that possible?
i love islam.. but i also agree with dour 100%. how is that possible?You still can be a Muslim and be/or have a different wife than what then what is written in the first post. The first post is only one man's opinion what a perfect wife is. Becoming well educated, defending your ideas and ideals, having opinions that you are willing to fight for and argue about, and/or having a life outside the house does not mean you are turning your back on Islam. Just make sure you marry the right man/woman who is willing to listen, adapt, and compromise. I do not think it is against Islam to want that.
Baby Paw
02-10-04, 07:09 PM
She got to be a good cook too, you know like a master chef or something.
Ain't afraid to experiment in the kitchen, and fix up a tasty plate.
I want a wife with her own opinions and her own ideas, and ideals and is willing to stand up do defend and fight for them.
Fight for her own ideas,in the house,
this makes her fight against you !!!!!
Is that what you want?!!! :scratch:
i love islam.. but i also agree with dour 100%. how is that possible?
Al-Islam doesn't want it a war in the house,this is not against
the wife,of course she has her own opinions & ideas,
but doesn't it better to share it with her husband rather than
being against him?
Fight for her own ideas,in the house,
this makes her fight against you !!!!!
Is that what you want?!!! :scratch: Yes, in my opinion the only wife worth having is a wife who is willing to speak her mind, stand up for herself, and is a person who has her own ideas, ideals, and opinions. The only wife worth having is a wife who is willing to argue when she thinks she is right or when I am wrong. The only wife worth having is a wife that you can have an intellectual conversation or argument with; and is person who has a different views of the world than my own. Also, she must be a person who can mentally challenge me and is my equal in knowledge and intelligence, and even better, someone who even surpasses my own knowledge and wisdom from time to time. That is what makes life worth living.
The last thing I want is to be married to someone who always says "yes dear" or "I am sorry...you are right as always." That would be the worst type of wife in my opinion. What would the fun of being marrying someone like that? What is the point of marrying someone like that?
Baby Paw
02-10-04, 10:58 PM
Plus she got to make a mighty fine biryani too!
Yes, in my opinion the only wife worth having is a wife who is willing to speak her mind, stand up for herself, and is a person who has her own ideas, ideals, and opinions. The only wife worth having is a wife who is willing to argue when she thinks she is right or when I am wrong. The only wife worth having is a wife that you can have an intellectual conversation or argument with; and is person who has a different views of the world than my own. Also, she must be a person who can mentally challenge me and is my equal in knowledge and intelligence, and even better, someone who even surpasses my own knowledge and wisdom from time to time. That is what makes life worth living.
All of this is ok.
what i'm about 2 say is that the wife should fight beside
her husband,not against him,and if she think he's wrong about
something she MUST argue about it to clear out her opinion &
why she think he's wrong,BUT away from loud voice & angry,cuz
if this happen each one will stand up for his own thoughts.
"I am sorry...you are right as always." does the women say that?!!
Oh no,they replace the word(right) with (wrong)
yakforna al-3asheer ela man rahema Allah(swt)
Well I think it's pretty obvious, if a husband and wife respect each other there shouldn't really be a major spasm attack over household politics. There also shouldn't be a power struggle, both partners should be striving to be blummin good spouses and if they are blessed enough- parents. If there are differences that arise, (which is natural) just discuss things!
I would like a husband that demands me to speak my mind.
In fact I DEMAND it, in a sultry kohl covered eye perfume stinkin kinda way.
(Darn it, these beauty products are expensive, I better hide my receipts)
Abdullah al-Muhajir
03-10-04, 02:23 AM
Is marriage compulsory? Just a question.
ZawjatuRaafi
03-10-04, 03:08 AM
Mashaa Allah this is yes the opinion of one man but it is a good guideline for what a wife should do. RasulAllah saw said that when the husband goes to sleep angry the wife is cursed by the angels until the husband no longer angered by her. If a little peace in the home comes from simply apologizing what can it hurt. I mean if it is major issues that truly need resolve then of course she must show her husband this but it should be done with wisdom (hikmah) it doesnt have to be done by arguing and fighting (well it shouldnt have to anyhow). The man also should be willing to compromise and discuss things and see his wrongs. A hardheaded man who is unwilling to hear will never be able to gain from a woman who screams yells or argues. It just has to be handled in a proper manner is all. This does not mean in any way she cannot have her own wants needs, or the right to express them RasulAllah saw was known to listen to and take the advice of his wives and the women throughout his life. So nowhere in Islam is it saying that a woman cannot speak whats on her mind. It is all about the way you do things.
just my opinion on it. But as a whole this set of tips, one of many that have been put out there for us, is a good guideline as to how to keep peace within the home, and brings about a want for our husbands to want and desire us as women, within the confines of Islamic mannerisms. And yes baby paw she should cook good food to. I agree. Would be nice if he knew his way around the kitchen too, could make for a very happy wife as well :)
ZawjatuRaafi
03-10-04, 03:10 AM
it fulfills half your deen so what do you think???
Is marriage compulsory? Just a question.
I don`t think tha is mandatory. In this day and age, merry life is very stressful, since a woman want to many things. And man still old fashion on marital life.
The really love is almost extint. So, here it goes the romantic part of a marriage.
Convinience is no long a dependency and vice verse.
Abdullah al-Muhajir
03-10-04, 03:36 AM
it fulfills half your deen so what do you think??? I dunno, though sometimes I wish that I would never marry. Probably one day or another, only Allah knows best.
Just a personal opinion. :)
Abdullah al-Muhajir
03-10-04, 03:56 AM
then don't An articulate response, certainly, dour. :D
peace2u
03-10-04, 06:25 AM
I think baby paw is mighty hungry!!!! :D
I love you sis, you always have the right words to say at the right time:love:
Peace
Supernova Nebula
03-10-04, 07:22 AM
Mashaa Allah this is yes the opinion of one man but it is a good guideline for what a wife should do. RasulAllah saw said that when the husband goes to sleep angry the wife is cursed by the angels until the husband no longer angered by her. If a little peace in the home comes from simply apologizing what can it hurt. I mean if it is major issues that truly need resolve then of course she must show her husband this but it should be done with wisdom (hikmah) it doesnt have to be done by arguing and fighting (well it shouldnt have to anyhow). The man also should be willing to compromise and discuss things and see his wrongs. A hardheaded man who is unwilling to hear will never be able to gain from a woman who screams yells or argues. It just has to be handled in a proper manner is all. This does not mean in any way she cannot have her own wants needs, or the right to express them RasulAllah saw was known to listen to and take the advice of his wives and the women throughout his life. So nowhere in Islam is it saying that a woman cannot speak whats on her mind. It is all about the way you do things.
just my opinion on it. But as a whole this set of tips, one of many that have been put out there for us, is a good guideline as to how to keep peace within the home, and brings about a want for our husbands to want and desire us as women, within the confines of Islamic mannerisms. And yes baby paw she should cook good food to. I agree. Would be nice if he knew his way around the kitchen too, could make for a very happy wife as well :)
I agree :up:
Al-Nasser
03-10-04, 07:28 AM
Is marriage compulsory? Just a question.
sometimes it is compulsory and some times it is haram....it is compulsory if the young man fear so much falling in a sin...and it is haram if the man is sure the marriage will be unfair to the future wife....for example if he is having a physical problem or a STD.
Baby Paw
03-10-04, 08:28 AM
peace2u, thanks.
Rose, the only thing that I could fix up in the kitchen for wifey is beans on toast. I also do a lean, mean tuna & mayo sandwich, it's kinda smelly, but it tastes nice!
Well I am not one of these people who believe that romance without the finance is no chance.
I guess you just have to find somebody that you can connect with, you know like your personalities compliment each other. Sorta like the way strawberries and cream go together, you need to find that combination.
Other than being able to be an ace cook, I think wifey has got to get on with my mother and respect my mother.
After all by the grace of Allah, mum dukes carried me in her belly for like 9 months, fed me, clothed me, raised me and loved me unconditionally since day one until day now.
So I can't be having a wifey who is gonna front on my mother or try and sever my ties with mum dukes, cos like Hall and Oates said I can't go for that!
I'd just have to tell her, woman your love is like burning fire on me soul, however, it's all about my mother, my mother, my mother.
My mum is sound as a pound and she gets on with everybody more or less. So wifey would have to learn that mums is number one to me, not number two, three, four or five.
It is very important to me that wifey keeps a good relationship with my mum, if she doesn't and purposely tries to instigate fitna in the household. Then I would have to sever my ties with wifey if that is what it comes down to in the end.
Also, wifey got to be clean. I can't be doing with a woman who doesn't have a sense of cleanliness and hygiene.
Plus she can't be one of them make up types, like she dipped her face in a bowl of max factor or something, eeewww!
You got to remember that a woman with her real hair, real eyes gets the real guys, can't be doing with all that synthetic cosmetic, that sorta woman, gets no credit.
Also, she can't be one of them, wanna keep up with the smith and jones types, you know a dunya girl. I need a woman who has got her eyes firmly fixed on the prize that lays waiting in the akirah, and she knows how to go about securing the said prize.
Fix me a tasty plate to eat, make sure me undies are fresh and clean, don't be creating friction with my mum dukes or me family, don't be bringing other peoples business into our household or our business into their household, don't be stressing me when I wanna go spend some time with The Creator.
But on top of all that, I need a woman who I can talk to and understands me. She got to be able to talk back and I got to be able to understand her.
She got to be like a plllow, so after a hard day I can lay my head in her lap, and she can make me feel like sunshine with her words and her touch.
I needs a woman like that, Allah send me one just like that (one for my brother too) a pious woman, who adheres to your prescribed laws and commands. One who upholds family values and religous values, a patient wife, an understanding wife. One who knows how to protect herself and me against the afflications that this dunya may throw at us. One who will help to instill good values and manners into our offspring, Insha'Allah.
peace2u
03-10-04, 08:58 AM
:eek2: I don't know Baby Paw, that's one heavy request, but nothing's too heavy for Allah (swt). I hope you find that "special" sister.
Peace
:eek2: I don't know Baby Paw, that's one heavy request, but nothing's too heavy for Allah (swt). I hope you find that "special" sister.
Peace
:rotfl:
sounds like he wants a maid, not a wife :P
Baby Paw
03-10-04, 03:07 PM
I don't think I am asking for too much, am I?
It's sad but true, that marriage is something I am dreading.
I know that wedlock completes half your deen, but if wifey is just gonna create fitna in a happy household then I can't be doing that.
I know of so many accounts where wives have driven a wedge between mother and son.
After all that is one of the signs of kiyament, that men will listen to their wives rather then there mothers.
Not this one though, wifey can go take a hike, cos she ain't gonna manipulate moi to adhere to her petty politricks and wot not.
:rotfl:
sounds like he wants a maid, not a wife :PJust young. Realities will hit him latter in life.
Baby Paw
03-10-04, 03:36 PM
A wife who is a burden rather than a blessing is no good to me.
I need someone to help carry the load, not someone who will make my load heavier.
If such is the case then you will probably see the current trend to be ever increasing i.e. males around my age group abstaining from marriage due to fears of the wrong women wrecking what they have worked hard to build up.
I don't believe in keeping a black book but many lads do, if it is continually perceived by lads that marriage is like a prison sentance with wifey playing the role of the warden then they will just avoid it.
Instead, fornication will become the norm, well it already has to a certain degree. Yet another sign of the end of the days.
I think the minimal a guy expects from a wife to be is that she respects him, his family and the household values.
You don't have to be pious sister or a non pious sister to respect these sort of values.
Not this one though, wifey can go take a hike, cos she ain't gonna manipulate moi to adhere to her petty politricks and wot not.
Wow!
You know, I do have this issue in my family. One bro married someone who has taken him away from his mother. They show all respect and generosity to her mother but not his which leaves his mom unhappy with him........ it's rather sad actually. The wife is also leaving to spend ramadan with her mom overseas and is leaving her hubby by himself for ramadan......... weird innit? :scratch:
Baby Paw
03-10-04, 05:30 PM
A'Salaam-a-laykum 777, sorry to hear that about your brother. However, those kind of situations have become the norm now within this society that we live in, sad but true.
Allah has not blessed me those the qualities of tact and diplomacy. Rather I have been blessed with the ability to be upfront and honest, I call it like I see it.
So with me what you see is what you get, if wifey and her family try and pull a fast one on me. Insha'Allah, I will speak my clout and if need be I will sever ties with wifey.
I note that divorce is frowned upon by Allah, however, I'd rather lead a happy single life with good relations in tact with my immediate family.
Rather than be wrapped around the finger of some manipulating wife, not be happy and be far from my immediate family, who I love with all my heart.
Wifey to be, got to realise that we have a nice household here, we are not misers for food, shelter and heating. However, we are not extravagent people and we do not live beyond our means.
My goal is firmly on the prize in the akirah, Insha'Allah may Allah reward us with much success in this life and in the next.
The way that I see it, this whole world is one big test including the people close to you.
Therefore, a wife can either be a blessing or a burden, a trial or a treasure. Your closest friend or your worst enemy. There's a thin line between love and hate, you are what you make it. I just hope she recognises and realises what I am aiming for.
What-ever happens, just happens though, at the end of the day I know this world is only temporary, just got to keep my faith in the most high.
All relationships shall be severed in the end, except for the believers relationship with Allah, that bond remains forever.
I dig women who dig me. At the end of the day, a woman who can help maintain a good household, get along with my mother, be a good role model to my offspring, stand by me through thick and thin, I can dig that kinda woman.
I'm always thinking to myself, what will happen when it comes to namaz time. I see myself running back and forth most days in order to get to masjid to make congregational prayer.
Now if she gonna front on that. I'd really have to evaluate the angle from which she is coming from.
Like I got to pray or at least try my best to pray the daily prescribed prayers. If there is any time left, I am hoping to spend with you honey and the rest of the family.
But I got to pray, that's all I got.
It's a tricky situation, cos time is limited, even for hard rock. How does one balance their time to fit everything in, without wifey nagging.
peace2u
04-10-04, 06:48 AM
I think most of the time the problem comes when people choose and marry their spouces for reasons other than piety. When men and women choose their spouces based on race, beauty, their social status, then you run the chance of marrying someone who has very little respect for deen and those different from them. The wife and the husband should both respect their mother-in-laws. that should be the first thing discussed when talking to a potential spouce. No one wants a spouce who is going to disrespect their parents!! Man or wife.
Peace
sojourner
06-10-04, 05:03 PM
I think most of the time the problem comes when people choose and marry their spouces for reasons other than piety. When men and women choose their spouces based on race, beauty, their social status, then you run the chance of marrying someone who has very little respect for deen and those different from them. The wife and the husband should both respect their mother-in-laws. that should be the first thing discussed when talking to a potential spouce. No one wants a spouce who is going to disrespect their parents!! Man or wife.
Peace
Good response.
Baby Paw
06-10-04, 07:01 PM
What aspects of one's character go towards making up the essence of piety?
Break it down for a brother, if you don't mind.
Great tips ukhti!! Erm…I might need that in the near future.
ze leetle elper
06-10-04, 07:07 PM
Your avatar reminds me of lonely_me.....:(
Your avatar reminds me of lonely_me.....:(i miss her too,wondering where is she?!!
ZawjatuRaafi
06-10-04, 10:47 PM
Ya know Ebony I dont hear maid at all in his post. I hear wanting a wife that can be a part of his family, be a garment to him, help him to stay on the straight path, and inshaa Allah Allah will bless him with all of that and more may Allah grant you all that is good for you in this life and the akhirah akhi Ameen!
Your avatar reminds me of lonely_me.....:(
I can not replace the place of such a great sister ukhti but she shall come back :insha: ...no need to fear :)
w/s
Owl Mirror
07-10-04, 12:30 PM
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Prepared by Muhammad Alshareef
3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.
Oh my !
Each individual soul is precious to God !
Why would a woman's future journey to God's Kingdom depend upon her husband?
If we reversed this scenario, saying that a woman does all the prescribe items in your post yet, her husband is not pleased by her efforts, his actions doom the wife to eternal Hell ?
reachin'out
07-10-04, 01:23 PM
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.Oh my !
Each individual soul is precious to God !
Why would a woman's future journey to God's Kingdom depend upon her husband?
It is also true that, if we raise three, or even two, daughters up to be pious Muslimahs, then the eight gates of heaven are open to us.
Also, that heaven lies at the feet of your mother.
And various other statements of pleasing and being good to family members.
If we reversed this scenario, saying that a woman does all the prescribe items in your post yet, her husband is not pleased by her efforts, his actions doom the wife to eternal Hell ?
And why would a husband not be pleased with a wife's efforts, if they are sincere?
1. Certainly, if he was not, he would be the one whose action would be reprehensible, not her.
2. It does not say that the gates of heaven would be closed to her should her striving to please her husband failed.
3. It is not even clearly stated that if she failed to strive, her destiny would be hell, so why make such an assumption?
Owl Mirror
08-10-04, 06:09 PM
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Originally Posted by zawjaturaafi
Prepared by Muhammad Alshareef
3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.
The statement above indicates an action that's predicated upon anothers actions.
Obviously, there is an opposite effect if the prescribed verse is not adhered to.
Even taking the verse at face value, subscribes the husbands authority over the wifes destiny.
God, doesn't operate that way with his creation !
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It is also true that, if we raise three, or even two, daughters up to be pious Muslimahs, then the eight gates of heaven are open to us.
Also, that heaven lies at the feet of your mother.
And various other statements of pleasing and being good to family members.
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And why would a husband not be pleased with a wife's efforts, if they are sincere?
1. Certainly, if he was not, he would be the one whose action would be reprehensible, not her.
2. It does not say that the gates of heaven would be closed to her should her striving to please her husband failed.
3. It is not even clearly stated that if she failed to strive, her destiny would be hell, so why make such an assumption?
A woman needs to have more in her life than just a desire to please her husband. Otherwise she might go blinking insane........!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha. But seriously, yes, please your husband but dont worship him! He isnt God.
And , might I add that if a husband wants to even see half of those 10 tips , he should be doing a few things to serve and love his wife...........so that her gratitude will be authentic..............and not some forced thing because I know I "have " to. When you get into behaviour because you "have to" or because you "should" it ends up making a person bitter inside because they arent doing wht they want but what they have to. Sure there is some obligation in life but there has to be room for taking time to do the things you love.........
Woman's sole purpose in life is NOT to merely serve men.
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:34 AM
Ya know I think some of you are taking this article a little too serious... just perception maybe lol...
Anyhow Owl Mirror, it is not saying the only way you can get to jennah is by pleasing your husband, it is saying if you die and your husband is pleased with you when you die that you will be given a great reward of jennah through any gate you choose, thats all thats not saying that you can not get into jennah any other way. If thats what it meant women who did not have husbands would not see jennah or anything else. It is just a reward for pleasing your spouse.
Your jennah could be solely from the strength of your imaan or anything else too. The tips are not LAW, they are just guidelines to help you to have a succesful marriage, and to being a better wife. Inshaa Allah we can follow these and alot more, because in marrying you want or at least I do that your spouse is pleased with you. There are tips for the men too. I didnt think that anyone would post on my post like this so i guess i just never put them on here.
Usually I post a thread and I get a couple great threads posts in reply and they die off. I dont think I have ever posted anything at ummah that had more then three posts in reply and those are pretty much from my husband anyhow LOL I think he tries to make me feel good by doing that HAHA so sweet. Anyhow maybe I will post them tips as well. Have to find them. I hope you have a better understanding to what the meaning of that hadith is now inshaa Allah...
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:37 AM
Some for the marriage as a whole
Steps to a successful marriage
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Married life should be smooth, as smooth as a stream flowing without and
hurdles in its way. There are many factors that tend to disrupt a content
and peaceful married life and in many case the couple themselves are not
aware of what is happening till it is too late. Some reason for a breakup is
genuine but in most cases it happens due to misunderstanding or because both
are not willing to give in and adjust. Even love marriages are found to be
failures from the start.
As for arranged marriages, they are mostly decided based on the social and
economic status of both families. Little priority is given to whether the
two to be married actually like each other or whether they will be able to
adjust together. Whether a love marriage or an arranged one, the first few
years fly off without any problems or hassles. After that the true picture
clears , hardships are encountered at all stages and problems seem to pour
in. The easy way out is a "divorce", the first alternative the couples find.
However life after a divorce is hell and by the time the couple realizes
that, it is too late. Think of it this way. Why you make your life hell?
It is up to you to decide whether you want your life to be happy and
blissful or bitter and dreary. By attaching importance to a few things that
may seem trivial, you could make your married life heaven.
1) Treat your spouse exactly the way you want him/her to treat you. Give
ample respect and love.
2) Accept your spouse's faults and try to live with it. However if there
are bad habits or things you dislike thoroughly about the other be frank
about it, talk things out and advice the other to change. Your approach
should be with love and patience.
3) Never blame your spouse before others. Always talk high of the other in
an audience. Faults are to be discussed in private.
4) Your spouse is an individual with his/her own identity. Hence never
compare your spouse with another. If you are in the habit of doing so, you
better stop immediately otherwise you could get yourself on the verge of a
divorce.
5) Never fight over trivial matters and do not make a mountain of a
molehill. Giving in to a fight never means that you have lost. There are so
many ups and downs in life, why waste time fighting over small matters.
6) Talk openly to your spouse. Share and discuss matters openly. If there is
anything you dislike about your spouse talk openly about it and finish it
off there and then. Do not dig up old stories to hurt the other.
7) If you have any doubts about your spouse be open about it. Do not keep
the matter in mind. Give your spouse the chance to explain himself/herself.
Unnecessary doubts could damage your marriage.
8) Do not give up your identity just because you are married. Keep old
friends, meet them once in a while and have a good time yourself. There is
no harm in inviting your spouse to join you.
9) Most husbands complain that their wives do not approve of their friends.
Try to understand his friends and if there are anyone you particularly
dislike, discuss it with him. Do not be rude and embarrass him before his
friends.
10) Before marriage you would have discussed your future plans, your dreams
and aspirations with your spouse. Let the same continue after marriage also.
You need not give up your dreams just because you are married. Share your
dreams and grow together.
11) You need not just close your eyes and agree to every thing your husband
says or decides. Give your opinion too and speak it out tactfully. Most
people prefer a spouse who has an opinion on every matter and who speaks
out.
12) Be open about your sexual desires and needs. Sex plays an important role
in a happy and content married life. Women must also participate actively
during sexual encounters, which should make both happy.
13) Proper understanding and mature behavior are factors that keep couples
close for many years. However do not forget yourself. Take special care to
remain healthy and beautiful and dress well.
14) Do not feel that everything is over now that your marriage is over. Keep
trying to make life even happier and exciting after marriage.
15) Take time off however busy you may be to spend time with each other.
There is no harm in taking a break at least once a year, from everyday life
and the children, just to be together. Imagine you are on a second
honeymoon. For those who have not tried this out, it is still not too late.
16) Try to satisfy each other. Surprise gifts for no particular reason are a
good idea. Keep reaffirming over and again that you are deeply in love with
the other. Even with so many ups and downs, life is beautiful. Live it well
and enjoy yourselves till the end……
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:37 AM
More for the women
For the WOMAN: Tips to a Better Marriage
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By Sr. Muntaqima Abdur-Rashid
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect" (30:21 ).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic
marriage, as well as, those who are already married. I do not pretend to
be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through marrying at
the early age of18 , just 9 months after em bracing Islam. I muddled my
way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and consider myself a
graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious
of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to personal
hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and muscular. Most
likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate was your
appearance, so don't think that simply because you are married the task
is over. You can't hide a weight problem under Thawbs' (dress) and long
Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware that you live in a society
that places a high premium on physical appearance. It flaunts the
shapely female and her muscular counterpart. Temptations that beckon
non-Muslims beckon Muslims as well. Don 't allow your mate to get
side-tracked by the likes of a 'Raquel Welch or an Arnold
Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller skate, swim and stay in shape.
Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant, more radiant, and more
attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim
spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to do
things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the conditions
prevailing in their country. For example, most female converts are
taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home raising her
children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the
home to maintain the family.
She may have read about Birth Control and assumed that it has no place
for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting that the Prophet himself
allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic conditions prevailed, there
would be no reason for a sister to worry about her financial situation
interfering with her right to bear children.
However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families may have to
resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and Sadaqah. This
creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can place extreme
stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful for the Muslim
couple to delay having children, for the wife to work while the children
are young and until the couple 's financial situation improves. Islam
gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse
's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run
races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your
interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your
commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social outlet.
Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote Islam. Have
dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims, and don't
neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly
enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of
activity and con~ac~s.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when
your mate errs. This country is a difficult place to live in. Most
Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be
quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be
understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and
gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor
aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to
test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This
will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties. Brothers, take note. This is especially
important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet
always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own
clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the
evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the
afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the
believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the
best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone,
away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this
can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him
how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open
discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can.
Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and
belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim
couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The
Prophet did not live this way, neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself,
either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable
person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others. There are a few
exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems,
make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence.
If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek
him or her out first.
On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in
the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting.
The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with
his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her
husband?" The people were silent.
Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and
men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male
shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her
while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal
achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps ' .
Wait for the proper time.
>>>>You may be saying to yourself, "This is
easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage
doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the
right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being
selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind
but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of
faith".<<<<
In perfect conclusion: Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and
relationship successful. All good things are from Allah. Never forget to
ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that
begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta'ala -
into Jannah.
And Allah ta'ala knows best.
May Allah Su7anahu Wa Ta3ala bless the marriages of those married among
us ... and grant pious spouses to the singles among us, that they may
find peace and comfort with each other.
And grant us with pious and righteous children who would grow up to be
brave Mujaahideen of deen Al Islaam. . .
Ameen ya Rabb Al 'Alameen
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:41 AM
Just good naseeha
Beautiful advice on Marriage by Sheik Muqbil
Bismillah Ir Rahman Ir Rahim
As Salaamu Alaikum
wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakathu
All praise is to Allah, we praise Him, seek His aid, and ask His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of ourselves, and from the bad consequences of our deeds. Whoever Allah guides there is none who can lead him (or her) astray, and whoever Allah leads astray there is none who can guide him (or her).
I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah alone without any partners (i.e. sons, daughters, wives, etc), and I testify that Muhammad ibn Abdullah (salAllahu Alayhe wa Salaam) [the direct descendant of Ibrahim (alayhe salaam) through his son Isma'eel (alayhe wa salaam)] is His last Prophet and Messenger.
As for what follows...
Our Sheikh, the Muhaddith, Muqbil ibn Haadee was asked by some of the brothers from the United States:
There is an evil habit that has spread amongst the practicing brothers (Salafis), it is that one of them will marry a woman and after a few short days a quarrel will take place between the spouses and the news will spread [to the community] then there are some brothers who encourage him to divorce her, until the point that there is a sister who has been divorced fourteen times, and this is widespread and apparent, and there is no one there from the people of knowledge for them to return to, so what do you advise us with?
The Sheikh answered:I advise the brothers with what the Messenger of Allah has said: The believing man does not dislike the believing woman, if he is displeased with something in her, he is pleased with something else. And what has come in the two Saheehs on the authority of Abu Hurairah on the Messenger of Allah: Be good to women, for indeed they were created from the rib, and indeed the rib is crooked, and the most crooked part of the rib is the upper portion, so if you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it as it is it will remain crooked, so be good to women. And also on the Prophet: Indeed the woman was created from the rib and she will not be straightened, so if you leave her as she is she will remain crooked, and if you try to straighten her you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her. And the Messenger of Allah said: I have not seen anyone more deficient in intellect and religon that takes away the mind of a prudent man faster than one of you (women). So deficiency of intellect and religion is something persistant in most women.
And Allah says in His Noble Book: And live with them in kindness. And He also says: Men are over the women because Allah has caused one of them to excel the other and because of what they spend to support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in their husbands absence what Allah would have them guard. As for the women on whose part you see ill-conduct, then admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them lightly but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means of annoyance. Surely Allah is Most High, Most Great.
So if she has some bad etiquittes then be patient with her, but if she is not chaste (lewd) then divorce her, Allah says: The fornicating man only marries the fornicating woman or a mushrik and the fornicating woman only marries the fornicating man or a mushrik and this is forbidden from the believers.
And she is in a land of self-indulgence, and a land of sin and evil that does not aid one upon the religion, not to mention upon good. And for Allah to guide this women by your hands is better for you than Humurun-Niam (the red she-camel). [See Tufatul-Mujeeb question no. 112]
It has been collected by At-Tabaraanee in his Mujam Al-Kabeer, and has been authenticated by Al-Muhaddith Al-Albaanee in As-Saheehah (no.2871), on the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Madee that the Messenger of Allah stood in front of the people and said:
Verily Allah commands you to be good to women [three times], for certainly they are your mothers, daughters, and aunts, and indeed a man from the people of the Book will marry a poor young woman and neither one of them will desire to leave (divorce) the other until they die of old age.
Imaam Al-Manaawee says in Faydul-Qadeer (2/404) in the explanation of this hadeeth:
What is intended is to encourage the companions to be good to women and to be patient with them.
Sheikh Alee Ridaa said in commentary of this hadeeth:
From the most precious of the Prophetic Hadeeths in commanding with being good to women, and kind to them, rather in it is the encouragement not to divorce, and to remain with them until death.
Abul-Hasan Malik Adam Al-Akhdar
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:44 AM
And a little somthing for the Brothers may Allah bless them to be the maintainers and Protectors over the women that they are born to be!
Ameen!
Guidelines for the Husband in
Interacting with his Wife
Author: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
Source: Al-Asaalah Magazine
Translator: isma'eel alarcon
www.salafitalk.com
The family is that brick which forms the foundation of
a society. It is composed of individuals that have
permanent relations established between them. Most
importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the
different kinds of personal relations.
Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes
placed in order to control and regulate these
relations. This is such that it can be maintained in
the best possible manner, and so that it can generate
and produce its proper fruits. Family relations
consist of the relationship between the spouses from
one perspective, the relationship between the parents
and the children from a second perspective, and the
relationship between the children themselves from a
third perspective.
Etiquettes of the husband:
1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from
good manners, that the husband shares in the
responsibility of specified matters, such as the
mending of garments or what is similar to that.
2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself
from serving himself. This is since the wife takes
care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is
from good manners that the husband extend a helping
hand to his wife in the house, during times of
necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has
given birth or similar to that.
3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his
wife by bearing good relations and showing kind
manners (to her), according to the full extent of the
meaning contained in these (last) two expressions.
Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside
their wives are the best of mankind in the view of
Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses
must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life,
even at the time of divorce.
4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between
the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed
characterizing the family life with a militaristic
nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and
bad results.
5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is
that he complies and assents to the requests of his
wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the
Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and
clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in
the Religion.
6. The husband should specify a time in which he can
play around and pass free time with his wife.
7. The relationship between the spouses must contain
one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be
this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the
obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For
example, the husband should not feel timid and
restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup
that his wife drinks out of.
8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there
is no doubt that the husband will see things in his
wife that does not comply with his natural disposition
and preferences. If these aspects are not in
opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the
obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that
point, he should not try to change her personality so
that it complies with his natural preference.
9. And he must always remember that for each member of
the couple, there will be an aspect of ones
personality that conflicts with the others
personality. And he should also remember that if there
are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing
in his wife, then indeed she has other
characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to
him.
10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you
from showing affection to your wife, such as by
kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to
refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the
days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and
recount them to her, for too much blaming and
reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the
two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital
life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make
mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like
something small.
12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing
your wife with good clothing and food, and from being
generous in spending money on her. This is of course
according to the extent of your ability.
13. Do not give little importance to implementing the
punishment required for any acts in opposition to the
Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is
in the home or outside it. This should be the main
reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other
reason should affect you (besides this one).
14. What has been stated previously does not mean that
you should leave matters alone until that result comes
to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is
left alone, weigh it with seriousness and
determination, without being too harsh or rude about
it.
15. The woman is the head of the household, the one
responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into
affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and
responsibilities, such as the food and the order of
the house.
16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a
mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even
if they are your own children. For indeed that is an
act that goes against correct behavior and it will
lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your
wife, then let it be by staying away from her at
bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done
within the household. And avoid using foul language,
insulting her, beating her and describing her with
repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an
exemplary husband.
18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of
your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your
love for her. However it is on the condition that you
do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then
at that point, it would turn into something worthy of
no praise.
19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by
entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they
are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask
about them and how they are doing. And do not forget
to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you
enter the house.
20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the
intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that
is something restricted and forbidden.
21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and
the freshening of your breath.
22. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you
can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from
taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress
her.
23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family
is showing respect and kindness to her. And this
applies even after her death, on the condition that it
is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the
Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being
in privacy (with them).
24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having)
little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect
for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions
which you promised to your wife during the
pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the
highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect
that after getting married.
26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or
simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of
words and expressions for your speech. And do not
reprimand her in front of others or in front of your
children.
27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look
for work outside of the house or to spend upon you
from her wealth.
28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is
not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the
environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not
like urban service, and the service of a strong woman
and her preparation for it is not like the service of
a weak woman.
29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's
service to her husband that negates his assisting her
in that regard, if he should find the free time.
Rather, this is from the good manners of living
between the spouses.
This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if
Allaah wills
ZawjatuRaafi
09-10-04, 04:57 AM
Okay I guess this will be my last one for the night...
Im a library on marriage cant you tell HAHAHA!!!
May Allah bless me to be a succesful wife and I pray I die a pleasure to my husband AMEEN!!!
Here goes One for the hubby and wife. Ze and Seven you two pay attention now!!! You too Ahlam since I know your on the way to this as well :)
by: Sheikh al Albaani
The husband and wife need to be compliant, cooperative and conciliatory toward one another, and to advise each other and urge each other toward obedience to Allah subhana wa ta'ala, following all of His ruling which have been clearly established in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. These must never be superceded by blind following of any religious or other figures, or any custom or school of thought which has predominated among the people. Allah aza wa jal says "It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. " [al ahzab:33-36]
Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obligated them toward the other...thus, the wife should not try to have all of the same rights as her husband, and the husband must never exploit the role of leadership and authority to which he has been assigned in the marriage relationship to oppress her, strike her or to be otherwise unfair to her.
Allah said: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree of advantage over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. [al baqarah:228]
Allah also said "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill:(conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. " [an-nisaa:34]
Mu'awiya ibn Haida radi Allahu anhu said "O rasulullah, what rights do our wives have over us?" Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam said "That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them, (referring to the custom of the Arabs when they are angry they say 'May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them in the face, and in boycotting the marital bed, do not go outside of the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these things) after you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regard to her (for valid reasons). [ahmed/sahih]
In another hadith rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said "The doers of justice will be on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand and both of Allah's hands are right hands- whose who were just in their ruling, with their families and in all that over which there were given authority." [Muslim]
When they both know and practice this, Allah subhana wa ta'ala grants them a good life and they will live for as long as they remain together- in the bliss of happiness. Allah said "Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions." [an nahl:97]
it fulfills half your deen so what do you think???If all men are like Baby Paw, I should learn how to be an excellent cook.
[QUOTE=jamila]If all men are like Baby Paw...QUOTE]
No.
Owl Mirror
10-10-04, 02:09 PM
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Ya know I think some of you are taking this article a little too serious... just perception maybe lol...
Anyhow Owl Mirror, it is not saying the only way you can get to jennah is by pleasing your husband, it is saying if you die and your husband is pleased with you when you die that you will be given a great reward of jennah through any gate you choose, thats all thats not saying that you can not get into jennah any other way. If thats what it meant women who did not have husbands would not see jennah or anything else. It is just a reward for pleasing your spouse. Hello zawjaturaafi,
You sound like a very educated and wise woman !
Would all these tips, also transfer to ones dealings with their neighbors too?
I believe it is merely a matter of interpretation that poses a distance between what I believe and that of Islam.
I believe, ones entire life's struggles are for the building up of ones PERSONALITY, which in turn, builds the quality and content of ones soul.
When my wife and I were married, I selected a religious man whom I had only met once in my life, to perform the marriage ceremony.
Of all the people I have ever encountered throughout my life, this one man, epitomized a person who truly walks with God on a daily basis.
During our ceremony, he asked each of us if we were willing to give 100% of our life to the other, even if the other gave 0% in return.
And in this way, my wife promised to give 100% to our marriage, regardless of my actions, and I in turn made the same promise.
In this way, regardless of the ups and downs of life, each continues to strive in providing 100% effort to keep the marriage strong and viable.
I believe also, that this is what God wishes for each of us, to conduct ourselves in our relations with every human being we encounter along the way.
Supernova Nebula
10-10-04, 02:47 PM
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Hello zawjaturaafi,
You sound like a very educated and wise woman !
Would all these tips, also transfer to ones dealings with their neighbors too?
Owl Mirror, sorry If i was harsh on you on the other thread of yours. May the love between you and your wife last forever.
Sorry I'm not speaking here on behalf of our esteemed sister zawjaturaafi. But this is my personal view - common sense - not Islam.
You dont come to your neighbor's house uninvited - simply not proper. Let alone accusing him/her of committing crime like possesing dangerous weapon. But say for example you insist to come, not only accusing him/her of having dangerous weapon, but you assault him/her, killing few members of his/her family, destroying his/her house. Do you expect him/her to prepare for you cheesecake?
Owl Mirror
10-10-04, 03:47 PM
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Owl Mirror, sorry If i was harsh on you on the other thread of yours. May the love between you and your wife last forever.
Sorry I'm not speaking here on behalf of our esteemed sister zawjaturaafi. But this is my personal view - common sense - not Islam.
You dont come to your neighbor's house uninvited - simply not proper. Let alone accusing him/her of committing crime like possesing dangerous weapon. But say for example you insist to come, not only accusing him/her of having dangerous weapon, but you assault him/her, killing few members of his/her family, destroying his/her house. Do you expect him/her to prepare for you cheesecake?
Hello Rose Nebulae,
Your example is quite correct.
I'm assuming you are speaking metaphorically in regards to both actions, Israel & Iraq.
REF:
Balfour Declaration, 1917
http://www.worldhistory.com/wiki/B/Balfour-Declaration%2C-1917.htm (http://www.worldhistory.com/wiki/B/Balfour-Declaration,-1917.htm)
Historical Importance: The 1917 letter that made public the British support of a Jewish homeland in Palestine led the League of Nations to entrust the United Kingdom with the Palestine Mandate in 1922.
http://www.wzo.org.il/en/default.asp (http://www.wzo.org.il/en/default.asp)World powers have often dictated conditions around the globe.
Britain and France are the powers which facilitated the creation of Israel, not the United States.
This current invasion of Iraqi soil by the administration in power today, was definitely WRONG !
That is why this particular election in America this year is so important.
I have written on many occasions about the
The Project for the New American Century.
http://www.bushpresident2004.com/pnac.htm (http://www.bushpresident2004.com/pnac.htm)
http://www.newamericancentury.org/ (http://www.newamericancentury.org/)
This group of people, includes Vice President **** Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, Assistant to the President I. Lewis Libby, and Defense Policy Board Chairman Richard Perle.
It's mandate is total global domination by America, as the last remaining SuperPower on the planet.
For this reason, they must be defeated and rousted from all governmental influences in America.
"You don't come to your neighbors house uninvited - simply not proper. "
While I have expressed my views above in relation to the actions of these people, using our treasury and the blood of our military for the pursuit of their own aims, the same can be said of Islamisists as well.
There are many references to this effect to be found around the globe as well.
The most recent and tragic occurrence being in the Darfur region of Sudan.
If the people in power in Sudan are corrupt and misrepresenting Islam and it's values, why has not any Islamic figure stood tall and denounced their actions?
Because to do so would prevent the spread of Islam ?
ZawjatuRaafi
13-10-04, 02:05 AM
well gee rose im not sure how this relates in any way to iraq or otherwise...I could have sworn this was a marriage thread but then what do i know...
I am assuming that your post was in no way to discredit me, and if it was if i have said anything that was improper I pray you forgive me as I truly did not mean to...
As for your comments Owl. I hope your marriage continues to work in such a positive manner. I am not quite certain what your question regarding neighbors is, but in islam we are told to treat our neighbors very well in mannerisms, I hope you were also not changing the topic of the thread to a political basis we dont need to have this on every thread on the forum I dont feel anyhow... As for treatment towards our neighbors if one is ill we should do all we can to help them, muslim and non muslim alike, we should strive to introduce ourselves, keep our homes in order so as not to disturb our neighbors there are a great many hadiths regardding our treatment towards our neighbors. I hope that I have answered your question as I am not quite sure I understand it.
Supernova Nebula
13-10-04, 07:43 AM
well gee rose im not sure how this relates in any way to iraq or otherwise...I could have sworn this was a marriage thread but then what do i know...
I am assuming that your post was in no way to discredit me, and if it was if i have said anything that was improper I pray you forgive me as I truly did not mean to...
As for your comments Owl. I hope your marriage continues to work in such a positive manner. I am not quite certain what your question regarding neighbors is, but in islam we are told to treat our neighbors very well in mannerisms, I hope you were also not changing the topic of the thread to a political basis we dont need to have this on every thread on the forum I dont feel anyhow... As for treatment towards our neighbors if one is ill we should do all we can to help them, muslim and non muslim alike, we should strive to introduce ourselves, keep our homes in order so as not to disturb our neighbors there are a great many hadiths regardding our treatment towards our neighbors. I hope that I have answered your question as I am not quite sure I understand it.I'm terribly sorry sis zawjaturaafi, I didnt mean at all to discredit you or anything and you've said nothing improper. and again teribly sory for bringing up the Iraq thing on your marriage thread. I dont know but what is happening around the world and especially the issue of Iraq, Palestine etc really make me so emotional these days and unfortunately when I see Mr Owl Mirror, I see politics, I dont know why. I'm really sorry again but trust me, I didnt's see you at all when I brought up the issue of Iraq in my answer to Mr Owl Mirror regarding his question on how to deal with your neigbour in Islam. But your answer for his question, enlightens me so much. May Allah bless you.
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