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View Full Version : Why one Muslim girl became a born-again virgin for her wedding night .



Hudson
23-01-12, 04:18 PM
When Aisha Salim marries her fiance in Pakistan next March, it will be the wedding of her dreams.
Wearing a veil and gown, she will be every inch the fairytale virgin bride and as befits her strict Muslim religion, after the ceremony, she will hand her blooded wedding-night sheets to her in-laws as proof of her virginity.
But far from being the traditional untouched bride that many Muslim families demand, she is a modern-day university graduate who has smoked, drunk, made love to - and even lived with - a previous English boyfriend.
To disguise the fact that she has had sex, she has paid for painful surgery to "restore" her virginity.
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Pressure: Modern Muslim women can struggle to balance conflicting cultures
It is a drastic and costly measure but as she takes her husband's hand in marriage, she knows it is one which may - quite literally - save her life.
The horror and outrage that would ensue if it was discovered she had already slept with a man would be so damning that her own strictly religious relatives might kill her rather than face public shame.
"My virginity was restored in a delicate operation just last week, and I honestly view it as life-saving surgery," says Aisha.
"If my husband cannot prove to his family that I am a virgin, I would be hounded, ostracised and sent home in disgrace. My father, who is a devout Muslim, would regard it as the ultimate shame.
"The entire family could be cast out from the friends and society they hold dear, and I honestly believe that one of my fanatically religious cousins or uncles might kill me in revenge, to purge them of my sins. Incredible as it may seem, honour killings are still accepted within our religion.
"Ever since my family arranged this marriage for me, I've been terrified that, on my wedding night, my secret would come out. It has only been since my surgery last week that I've actually been able to sleep properly. Now, I can look forward to my marriage."
Aisha is far from alone in seeking such drastic - and almost barbaric - surgery.
The rise in Islamic fundamentalism is being blamed for the growing trend for hymenoplasties, where the hymen is re-created from the already torn tissue, or a new membrane is inserted using a gelatine-like substance.
In some cases, the vaginal lining can also be used to create a "false" hymen.
A blood capsule can be inserted into the lining to ensure realistic blood flow when the false hymen is broken.
Twenty-four women in the UK had the procedure on the NHS between 2005 and 2006, but it is thought that hundreds or even thousands more - Aisha included - have plundered their savings to pay up to £4,000 to have private surgery.
Aisha's story illustrates the intense pressures on young British Asian women caught between the strict moral code of their own community and the laxer, permissive attitudes of their white contemporaries.
She grew up against a stiflingly strict background as one of seven dutiful Muslim daughters in an affluent middle-class family who moved to England from Pakistan two generations ago.
Aisha says: "I've always adored my parents. My father, now 62, is a retired accountant and my mother raised a family of seven sisters in a five-bedroom house in Birmingham.
"I attended the local Catholic secondary school and although I wore a scarf on my head, I refused to wear a veil, telling my parents that it would make me stand out too much.
"I was one of the girls, totally accepted by my white, English friends whose lives revolved around shopping and fancying boys.
"But the moment I stepped over the doorstep, normal teenage life would cease and it was like entering an entirely different world. At home, we had to pray together five times a day.
"We weren't allowed to watch television. My parents were so worried that Western influences might take our minds off the most important things - education and religion - that we were never allowed to bring any schoolfriends home.
"But it made all the things my friends did more attractive to me. I would sneak out on Saturday afternoons and join them in town, hanging around, shopping and chatting to boys."
Perhaps ironically, it was Aisha's academic success that was to prove her downfall, as she moved away from home to study language and politics at university, and found herself plunged into a world of louche student living.
She recalls: "I was a totally naive 18-year-old, and found myself living away from my parents for the first time, and suddenly, everything that I had been bought up to believe was wrong, was being played out in front of me.
"I decided that drinking, smoking and having boyfriends was just a part of normal, teenage growing up.
"Like other young girls, I just wanted to be part of a crowd. I stopped wearing the veil and for the first time in my life I wore Western clothes - designs which revealed far more of my body than anything I had ever worn before.
"I also started drinking. I started off on beer and then gradually things like vodka and cocktails, which naturally helped me lose my inhibitions."
Aisha was in her second year of university when she found love and inevitably, lust.
She says quietly: "He was another student in my tutorial class, and the more time we spent together, the more I found myself falling in love.
"Philip was white, English, charming and kind. When we started dating, I told him I was a virgin and that I was expected to keep my virginity for marriage.
"But he wore my inhibitions down, and I began to see that having a physical relationship with him would be pleasurable.
"All my friends were sleeping with their boyfriends and it was entirely accepted. I was the odd one out, so after several months I took the plunge and went on the contraceptive pill as a precaution.
"As the months went past, he became more and more desperate to make love.
"I wrestled with my conscience night after night, but having taken away the fear of pregnancy by being on the pill, I saw that - as long as my parents never found out - there was no reason not to make love.
"Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. Anyway, at that time I assumed I would marry for love, not have an arranged marriage."
She says: "I tried to resist Philip but I discovered that I liked the physical contact. Then one fateful night, we went out and I had too much to drink. My head was spinning, we ended up in bed together and couldn't resist any longer. It was really lovely, and I felt no shame.
"It was only when I woke up the next morning, and saw Philip lying beside me, that I thought: 'What have I done?'
"But there was no turning back and it felt entirely natural. He reassured me it was OK and told me that he loved me.
"Part of me was scared but I was also rather proud of what I'd just done. I wasn't just a little Muslim girl, I was an independent young woman who could make up her own mind how she was going to live her life.
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Traditional: Muslim brides are expected to be virgins when they marry
"Four months later, Philip and I broke up but I suddenly felt sexually empowered.
"When I started going out with another student, I knew from the word go that we would sleep together and we did, on the second night.
"I also had another sexual fling at university with a friend.
"Having lost my virginity, it didn't seem to matter how many men I slept with, the damage was already done.
"Besides, I was living away from my parents, and my old life of endless prayer and abiding by the customs of our religion seemed a long way away."
The full reality didn't hit home until Aisha returned home to Birmingham at 22, after she finished her degree.
"It was horrible," she says. "It felt like returning to a prison, and I could feel my father's eyes burning into me, as if he knew. I tried to play the dutiful Muslim daughter, but I had changed.
"I felt as if I was being smothered. My parents wanted me to live at home and work in Birmingham, but I got a job on a graduate sales training scheme in London. I convinced my parents it was a great honour."
With a new job and a new life, Aisha fell in love with a colleague, Steve, and the couple moved in together in an astonishing breach of her strict Muslim upbringing.
She says: "I still managed to keep it secret from my parents; my father was quite ill by now and they rarely travelled.
"I would talk to them on my mobile phone, and we didn't have a landline in the flat.
"Steve and I lived together for two years, but then the relationship started to go wrong. He spent too much money, and he was very jealous and possessive of me.
"When a job opportunity came up in the chain of stores I worked for in Birmingham, I seized it and moved back to get away from him. My parents were thrilled and they started talking seriously about an arranged marriage.
"I realised I had two choices. I could either move back to London and live a Western life, bringing shame on my poor parents and estrange myself from the sisters, aunts and uncles I loved. Or I could go along with their dreams of an arranged marriage.
"A Muslim husband would have the same values as me, and I would be firmly back within my family support system.
"For a year I played the part of the dutiful daughter. I wore the hijab, even to work, and I helped my mother care for my father. His pleasure at my return was so touching."
Then last summer, Aisha's mother announced that she had found a prospective husband who came from an affluent Muslim family living in Pakistan.
As tradition demanded, the families had shared two ceremonial meetings and the parents of both prospective bride and groom agreed to a match.
In July, Aisha flew to Pakistan to meet her "fiance" for the first time.
She says: "I was absolutely terrified. This was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
"I didn't know if I would get on with him, or even if he would approve of me.
"And at the back of my mind was this awful, sickening worry about my virginity.
"But when I met him, I liked him immediately. He is 28, 6ft 3in tall with black hair and very handsome. He made me feel so welcome.
"I spent a month at his parents' house, and I grew to love my future husband. We didn't kiss in all the time we were together, and I played the diligent Muslim girl who prayed five times a day, wore my hijab and kept my eyes downcast.
"But as I said goodbye to my future husband and flew back to Birmingham, I really started to panic about my virginity.
"Muslim tradition demands that on my wedding night, my bridegroom will take the bloodied sheets to show his mother and aunts to prove that his bride is pure.
"If I do not bleed, the wedding will be annulled, and I will be sent home in disgrace.
"This was all I could think about. How could I fool my own husband and his family into believing that I was pure?"
Through friends, Aisha heard of a new operation to "restore" a torn hymen, and, in her desperation, she went onto the internet to find out more.
Aisha explains: "A few friends have already had this operation, though it has to be done with the utmost secrecy, as we would be disowned by our family if the news ever came out.
"On the internet, I found the clinic of Dr Magdy Hend, at the Regency Clinic on Harley Street.
"I went for an initial consultation, telling my family I was travelling to London on business, and was absolutely reassured.
"The operation would cost £2,000 and would be done under local anaesthetic.
"Dr Hend said it would take only about an hour and a half, and I would be able to go back to work the next morning, though I had to be careful not to do anything which would make the hymen break, such as strenuous exercise.
"The operation would involve taking the 'torn' parts of my hymen and basically stitching them back together, adding further tissue from the side of my vagina.
"If I wanted, just prior to my wedding he could place a capsule of blood into the hymen which would ensure a healthy amount of blood. It sounds barbaric, but what choice did I have?"
Inevitably, there was controversy when it emerged that taxpayers had funded such operations on the NHS, with MPs suggesting it was a sign of "social regression".
But while Aisha felt she had no choice, she preferred the discretion of a private clinic: "The operation went just as he predicted. It was painless, and I can feel no difference at all.
"I think I will have the blood capsule put in place, just to make sure. I've had to save up for months to afford it, and I still have student debts, but it is such a weight off my mind. I had been crying myself to sleep, wondering how I was going to cope, and now I know that my secret is safe.
"I feel very sad that women like me feel so torn between our two cultures. Our religion is so rigid - yet I was brought up among Western friends who thought nothing of sleeping with their boyfriends.
"It makes life so confusing and I feel so deeply for all the many Muslim girls in Britain who are caught in the same dilemma.
"I was lucky, I suppose, in that I could afford to repair my 'mistake' so no one would know.
"But it scares me to think what will happen to Muslim girls who do not have this option and are seen to be 'shaming' their families. They are the ones whose lives will be at risk."
? Aisha's name has been changed


[SOURCE] (http://adf.ly/4wxKR)

So, dear brother and sisters . What are your reactions and comments after reading this surprising (or not so surprising ) article .

Juvegirl
23-01-12, 04:36 PM
:salams

Disgusting. The way it depicts Islam and glorifies her horrible behaviour. She was shameless and sinful but it's all the fault of the rigid and repetative religion, right? Astafghrilla. Her poor husband. What kind of a life does she really expect to have?

You know we talked recently about the importance of virginity in prospective spouses - I wonder how many men are getting patched-up virgins and don't know it?

This girl clearly has no understanding of Islam, no morals, no decency. We talked also about why Asian girls in Britian can't get married - maybe this is one of the reasons, brothers are worried about getting someone like this. The hymen isn't the real issue here IMO; it's the girl's total lack of remorse, her total lack of accountability, her willingness to deceive, her horrible view of Islam. She is a terrible candidate for marriage.

Ikki
23-01-12, 04:39 PM
:smack:

Z-e-b-z
24-01-12, 07:16 PM
I live in a place where haram is VERY easy and there is only a handful of other practising Muslims

I feel for her as I know it is hard to keep on the straight path but she feels no shame and she is lying for the rest of her life :S whaaaat?!

uncle umar
24-01-12, 07:21 PM
[SOURCE] (http://adf.ly/4wxKR)

So, dear brother and sisters . What are your reactions and comments after reading this surprising (or not so surprising ) article .

that its jahiliyah to have to prove your virginity with blooded sheets.

samin62
24-01-12, 07:24 PM
whats a born again virgin? The title sucks, the custom sucks, the culture in that article sucks.

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 07:25 PM
wrong to be fair....
restore her virginity Audhu Billaah..

Allah knows best

con
24-01-12, 07:32 PM
that its jahiliyah to have to prove your virginity with blooded sheets.
Actually I have never heard about or seen this giving blooded sheets to in-laws. Looks utter BS to me. Also, its the typical attempt by f-word western media to malign islam. I read this article sometime ago and couldn't complete it as the level of BS was way off for me.

The White Rose
24-01-12, 07:44 PM
:O I can't believe this exists seriously. I don't blame the girl as much as I do the culture she was obviously doing everything her culture wantd and I doubt her parents were teaching her how to be a good Muslim it was more like how to be a good Asian girl. I think the virgin issue is the same with guys an girls now you can never tell who is and who isn't. I think the virgin issue is stressed too much I mean people make mistakes at times of weakness and if a guy is willing to marry a girl who isn't a virgin I don't see why the parents have to intervene why do we have to show them the sheets it disgusts me. Its none of their business lol. Does this still happen??

Umm_Adam_
24-01-12, 07:52 PM
Old story and sooooooo boring

Peacenik
24-01-12, 07:56 PM
When Aisha Salim marries her fiance in Pakistan next March, it will be the wedding of her dreams.
Wearing a veil and gown, she will be every inch the fairytale virgin bride and as befits her strict Muslim religion, after the ceremony, she will hand her blooded wedding-night sheets to her in-laws as proof of her virginity.

What kind of sick animals are these ?

hamza05
24-01-12, 08:09 PM
...

Umm_Adam_
24-01-12, 08:13 PM
What kind of sick animals are these ?

Its sooo sad isnt it :(

Hiking
24-01-12, 08:14 PM
removed

*aisha*
24-01-12, 08:17 PM
rmvd

M_I
24-01-12, 08:18 PM
She needs to restore some shame and self respect. I feel for her parents, this woman has taken advantage of them and holds sick, baseless and short lived youthful thrills more important than respect and sincerity to her family.

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 08:18 PM
What kind of sick animals are these ?



lool i dont think thats natural tbh... if i was the fam id be like crazy woman get away from my son...

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 08:18 PM
errrm speechless that you actually think that was worth sayin on here :scratch:

The White Rose
24-01-12, 08:24 PM
lool i dont think thats natural tbh... if i was the fam id be like crazy woman get away from my son...

Astagfirullah how do you know your son is a good little boy himself??

Peacenik
24-01-12, 08:25 PM
holy crap thats my wife. she wasnt virgin no wonder she rocked on our wedding night. thats it im divorcing her when i can jus cause she thinks im a freshy she cant get away with this i jus gt to stay till i gt d passport then im divorcing her, these western women think dey can get away with this tauba tauba

Bro, too much information.

Just too much.......

Deema
24-01-12, 08:26 PM
You can't have an intellectual discussion about something posted on the Daily Mail.

*aisha*
24-01-12, 08:27 PM
But thats grossss who wants to see bloody sheets:smack:Oh em gee I would be so embarressed I would want to crawl into a hole and die rather than for them to see that.

This practise was like waaaaay back then with our ancient ancestors before islam came around why people are still doing it:(?

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 08:28 PM
Astagfirullah how do you know your son is a good little boy himself??


my son... hes 2 thank you very much... so dont try talk bad about my son

Peacenik
24-01-12, 08:32 PM
Astagfirullah how do you know your son is a good little boy himself??

No need for that.

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 08:34 PM
No need for that.

agreed :up: my sons only a baby aswell

The White Rose
24-01-12, 08:36 PM
my son... hes 2 thank you very much... so dont try talk bad about my son

Aww MashAllah...

I hope you understand what I'm saying though. The point is guys can get away with comitting zina whereas girls can't not really unless they have this opp... You get the point.

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 08:37 PM
Aww MashAllah...

I hope you understand what I'm saying though. The point is guys can get away with comitting zina whereas girls can't not really unless they have this opp... You get the point.

no i dont understand what your saying cos you used MY son as a example when hes 2...

im not talking about the guy and what hes doin or not doin... i think its crazy that a woman would wanna show blooded bet sheets to her inlaws

Peacenik
24-01-12, 08:37 PM
I hope you understand what I'm saying though. The point is guys can get away with comitting zina whereas girls can't not really unless they have this opp... You get the point.

You'd be surprised how many girls get away with such acts too (especially in this day and age).

And wearing Hijaab too (to cover their tracks).

The White Rose
24-01-12, 08:45 PM
no i dont understand what your saying cos you used MY son as a example when hes 2...

im not talking about the guy and what hes doin or not doin... i think its crazy that a woman would wanna show blooded bet sheets to her inlaws

Well dear sister you brought your son into it not me, had I known he was 2 I wouldn't have mentioned it.

Anyway ye its just the backward culture adopted from the times of jahiliyah. There are many ways of showing that you are a virgin when your not I agree but women have to do it themselves whereas guys don't have to think twice about anything.

Umm_Adam_
24-01-12, 08:46 PM
Astagfirullah how do you know your son is a good little boy himself??

Because he is 2 :smack:

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 09:02 PM
Well dear sister you brought your son into it not me, had I known he was 2 I wouldn't have mentioned it.

Anyway ye its just the backward culture adopted from the times of jahiliyah. There are many ways of showing that you are a virgin when your not I agree but women have to do it themselves whereas guys don't have to think twice about anything.


i didnt bring my son into it... i just said what i said as a comment... not referring to my own life... so next time think before you speak about me or my son thanks :up: cos you clearly dont know me or him and yeah it was offensive what you said

when my son grows up... if hes not 100% pious then thats between him and Allaah not some person on this forum :)

Unregistered201
24-01-12, 09:26 PM
This is an issue which many young western muslims face on daily, on one side they have their religion their family (and what honestly feels like not being able to do anything fun because it is forbidden) and on the other side you've got the western culture you were bought up in, where your friends are having fun and doing all the things you wanna do as well and you do feel like you are being pulled in two different directions and you find it very difficult to reconcile these two parts of your life together. I don't blame her for what she has done or for paying and having this procedure done. I think it is much more difficult for girls than it is for boys.

The White Rose
24-01-12, 09:30 PM
i didnt bring my son into it... i just said what i said as a comment... not referring to my own life... so next time think before you speak about me or my son thanks :up: cos you clearly dont know me or him and yeah it was offensive what you said

when my son grows up... if hes not 100% pious then thats between him and Allaah not some person on this forum :)

Well I'm sorry for offending you please forgive me. I don't wish to continue discussing this further thankyou.

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 09:32 PM
Well I'm sorry for offending you please forgive me. I don't wish to continue discussing this further thankyou.


lol thats ok with me

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 09:33 PM
This is an issue which many young western muslims face on daily, on one side they have their religion their family (and what honestly feels like not being able to do anything fun because it is forbidden) and on the other side you've got the western culture you were bought up in, where your friends are having fun and doing all the things you wanna do as well and you do feel like you are being pulled in two different directions and you find it very difficult to reconcile these two parts of your life together. I don't blame her for what she has done or for paying and having this procedure done. I think it is much more difficult for girls than it is for boys.


i didnt even know you couldd get this done... but at the same time she is a revert, so her past sins are forgiven at the time she said her first shahadah.. so for her not being a virgin, thats something thats personal to her... even though she sold the stoty but in general cases i mean

IbnulQayyim
24-01-12, 09:39 PM
What kind of sick animals are these ?

It happens in many cultures. Not just ignorant Muslim cultures in the Indo-Pak region.

uncle umar
24-01-12, 09:53 PM
first off, men dont get away scott free when it comes to zina.

it catches up to you, sooner or later. and there are a wide range of issue and problems that can happen.

secondly, Allah commands us as muslims not to speak of fitnah and fassad like this. it corrupts the hearts. if there are muslims out there committing zina in secret, we ask Allah to bring them away from it.

uncle umar
24-01-12, 09:55 PM
She needs to restore some shame and self respect. I feel for her parents, this woman has taken advantage of them and holds sick, baseless and short lived youthful thrills more important than respect and sincerity to her family.
forget sincerity to family. one should be sincere to Allah when it comes to deeds.

Umm_Adam_
24-01-12, 09:58 PM
Well I'm sorry for offending you please forgive me. I don't wish to continue discussing this further thankyou.

Wow subhanAllaah sister :rubeyes:

Unregistered201
24-01-12, 09:59 PM
i didnt even know you couldd get this done... but at the same time she is a revert, so her past sins are forgiven at the time she said her first shahadah.. so for her not being a virgin, thats something thats personal to her... even though she sold the stoty but in general cases i mean

I think she was right to tell her story because this issue affects a lot of British/western muslims, including myself, you've got these two totally different cultures and your in the middle trying to somehow fit them together. You can feel extremely lonely because your conscience is fitting with itself and sometimes you just wan all your worries to go away and you can be a care-free teenager/young adult like everyone else.

I think she was born a muslim, I didn't read anywhere where it said she is a revert.

Juvegirl
24-01-12, 10:00 PM
i didnt even know you couldd get this done... but at the same time she is a revert, so her past sins are forgiven at the time she said her first shahadah.. so for her not being a virgin, thats something thats personal to her... even though she sold the stoty but in general cases i mean

She's not a revert.

Salams2All
24-01-12, 10:01 PM
"I feel very sad that women like me feel so torn between our two cultures. Our religion is so rigid - yet I was brought up among Western friends who thought nothing of sleeping with their boyfriends.
And that's why you go to islamic schools people ;)
Like seriously I don't get why Muslim parents can't take their children to Islamic Schools... I'm going to admit they do have some issues but subhanallah it's not like us sisters go around talking about having sexual relations with the opposite gender... that' just wrong.
Also if she feels Islam is to 'rigid' then why does she still call herself a Muslim. In the end I don't sympathize with the girl or her family (bloody sheets really?), but I do empathize with the Muslim Ummah because we're constantly being attacked from all sides because of stories like this.

Juvegirl
24-01-12, 10:04 PM
I think she was right to tell her story because this issue affects a lot of British/western muslims, including myself, you've got these two totally different cultures and your in the middle trying to somehow fit them together. You can feel extremely lonely because your conscience is fitting with itself and sometimes you just wan all your worries to go away and you can be a care-free teenager/young adult like everyone else.

I think she was born a muslim, I didn't read the bit it said she is a revert.

Oh cry me a river! So what about the western non-Muslims who become Muslims? You dont think it's really hard for us? We turn our backs on everything we ever knew about family, about God, about how to live your life, and we start all over, offending our friends, relatives and neighbours, dropping bad habits and struggling to learn new ones.

I know so many reverts who, mashaAllah have really and truly kept chaste post-shahada. Is it hard? Yep. But that's what you if you have a commitment that matters to you.

If you care about the dunya, like this girl, then you'll go off and be a tramp, then pay for someone to hide your sins and pretend you're chaste and ruin some poor guy's life. If you carea bout the akhira, you won't ever have to do anything like this, and like some girls on here, you won't even know such an operation exists.

My husband told me of all the hospitals in clinics in the middle east that offer these surgeries...just sad.

As for bloody sheets, the Italians were still doing this in the 60s, IDK about more recently.

Qassem
24-01-12, 10:11 PM
unIslamic

Unregistered201
24-01-12, 10:17 PM
Oh cry me a river! So what about the western non-Muslims who become Muslims? You dont think it's really hard for us? We turn our backs on everything we ever knew about family, about God, about how to live your life, and we start all over, offending our friends, relatives and neighbours, dropping bad habits and struggling to learn new ones.

I know so many reverts who, mashaAllah have really and truly kept chaste post-shahada. Is it hard? Yep. But that's what you if you have a commitment that matters to you.

If you care about the dunya, like this girl, then you'll go off and be a tramp, then pay for someone to hide your sins and pretend you're chaste and ruin some poor guy's life. If you carea bout the akhira, you won't ever have to do anything like this, and like some girls on here, you won't even know such an operation exists.

My husband told me of all the hospitals in clinics in the middle east that offer these surgeries...just sad.

As for bloody sheets, the Italians were still doing this in the 60s, IDK about more recently.

I can only speak from my experiences as a msulim growing up in the west, I'm not saying its not difficult for reverts but it is just as difficult for people who were born muslim, we may not have your problems per se but we all have our own challenges. I've got to say part of me is envious of you (I know that may be wrong) but at least you've lived, done all the things your friends did and been a teenager but for us it was never that easy. We always had two identities, one muslim which was at home and the other with our friends, which was western and at times it felt really difficult to try and reconcile the two. I wouldn't call her a tramp, I could her a girl who has made some mistakes (who of us hasn't), at home she was forbidden from doing anything and when she got that freedom of course she did things she wanted to do. Sometimes when your growing up it feelings like everything fun is forbidden in Islam, don't listen to music, don't watch tv etc etc and of course the more your forbidden to do something the more you want to rebel and do it.

In regards to our Islamic teaching, most muslims from what I have seen were taught how to read the Quran but never taught the meaning, your taught very little about Islam at home, your told to read the Quran, girls to wear scarves/hijabs and boys to pray at the local mosque that is about it. Your kept on a tight leash at home not allowed to do anything you want to do.

Qassem
24-01-12, 10:18 PM
I mean those people - the relatives. How can the school that followes Lord Mohmad be so Horribly what-do-you-call-it..Islam does away with all that bunkum... i guess this is one more result of the Ali - Abu Bakr rift

SilverTexture
24-01-12, 10:26 PM
Read a few lines of the OP but something seems a bit stupid here. So this person wants to hide the fact that she's not a virgin from her in-laws but then goes on to tell the whole world?

Riight..

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 10:40 PM
She's not a revert.

was me i miss read :smack:

but in them cases she shouldnt have to... and well since she chose to sleep with the men she slept with then i guess either way thats her sin, and between her and Allaah, so why the need to be a born again virgin is beyond me...

F_R
24-01-12, 10:40 PM
I really thought, from all the billions of made-up, false, unreliabley sourced reports/articles that the world posts, that we, the muslims of this forum (atleast), would learn to not trust them until they are verified.

How many copy and pastes does it take?

Muslims are funny mA

Attiyah Abdul Hamid
24-01-12, 10:41 PM
Read a few lines of the OP but something seems a bit stupid here. So this person wants to hide the fact that she's not a virgin from her in-laws but then goes on to tell the whole world?

Riight..

thats what i was jus thinking... why would she wanna prove her 'innocence' if shes gonna sell the story... i dont think i get this thread at all to be fair...

The White Rose
24-01-12, 10:41 PM
Read a few lines of the OP but something seems a bit stupid here. So this person wants to hide the fact that she's not a virgin from her in-laws but then goes on to tell the whole world?

Riight..

Loll shhh

al-siddiq
24-01-12, 10:44 PM
What kind of sick animals are these ?

That's the only think you found to comment on in the whole article? =S.

Kya
24-01-12, 11:13 PM
very well written, I found myself caught in the story.

innocent_girl
25-01-12, 12:02 AM
i dont think her story is news worthy ,, this surgery was popular in the Gulf from late 90`s

-Shamil-
25-01-12, 12:31 AM
very well written, I found myself caught in the story.

this aint harry potter

seonaid
25-01-12, 12:42 AM
i am a revert and im not a virgin but all my sins are now forgiven so in the eyes of allah im now a virgin

-Shamil-
25-01-12, 12:58 AM
i am a revert and im not a virgin but all my sins are now forgiven so in the eyes of allah im now a virgin

aye :up:

Sister Faisa
25-01-12, 01:15 AM
This article disgust me.. I actually don't feel well :smack:

abubakarbristol
25-01-12, 01:28 AM
You can't have an intellectual discussion about something posted on the Daily Mail.

My thoughts exactly.

All Mail articles vaguely connected to the subject of Islam and Muslims should carry a "nowhere near the truth" warning.

anonymous_mehip
25-01-12, 01:35 AM
twisted

inprogress
25-01-12, 02:59 AM
This, my friends, is why we should never send our kids to public schools. Islamic school or home school. Your kids friends should be practicing Muslims. Problem solved.


The over emphases on virginity, bloody sheets, honor killings, etc. It is sick and it needs to stop. Absolutely nothing Islamic about having to prove virginity.

Unregistered201
25-01-12, 07:46 PM
Read a few lines of the OP but something seems a bit stupid here. So this person wants to hide the fact that she's not a virgin from her in-laws but then goes on to tell the whole world?

Riight..

I think she was trying to highlight her issue and about the difficulties faced when you are caught between two cultures....I think it will have changed her name and those of the people she mentioned as otherwise it probably would be too easy to identify her.

oz99
26-01-12, 07:33 PM
"The entire family could be cast out from the friends and society they hold dear, and I honestly believe that one of my fanatically religious cousins or uncles might kill me in revenge, to purge them of my sins. Incredible as it may seem, honour killings are still accepted within our religion.
"Ever since my family arranged this marriage for me, I've been terrified that, on my wedding night, my secret would come out. It has only been since my surgery last week that I've actually been able to sleep properly. Now, I can look forward to my marriage."
Aisha is far from alone in seeking such drastic - and almost barbaric - surgery.
The rise in Islamic fundamentalism is being blamed for the growing trend for hymenoplasties, where the hymen is re-created from the already torn tissue, or a new membrane is inserted using a gelatine-like substance.


Then she name drops 'Phillip' as her lover and discloses her subject of choice.

Sorry but this sounds like another B.S. article to rile the Daily Mail crowd against the 'mozlemz'.

But there is certainly an important message behind this story.

Never stray to extremism.

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Beware of going to extremes (in religion), for those before you were only destroyed through excessiveness.” [An-Nasai]

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Religion is easy, and no one overburdens himself in his religion but he will be unable to continue in that way. So do not be extremists, but try to be near perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded. Gain strength by worshipping in the mornings and afternoons and during the last hours of the night.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (39) and Muslim (2816).

As usual, this girl was denied of even simple things such as the TV and the restrictive lifestyle obviously played a huge burden on her once she entered university. It was a 'whole new' world for her.

isawab_user
26-01-12, 11:26 PM
Is this story even real?

Creepy if it is.

Switch
27-01-12, 03:45 AM
Even though I want to say what she did was wrong, because it is. It's one thing to do things and keep the past in the past, but it's another when she announces it to the world. It shows that she didn't repent sincerely and thinks of her life with her parents as a prison. It makes the religion look bad because of some cultural nonsense.

In any case, I found myself thinking about two issues when I read this article.

1.
"As the months went past, he became more and more desperate to make love.
"I wrestled with my conscience night after night, but having taken away the fear of pregnancy by being on the pill, I saw that - as long as my parents never found out - there was no reason not to make love.
"Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. Anyway, at that time I assumed I would marry for love, not have an arranged marriage."
She says: "I tried to resist Philip but I discovered that I liked the physical contact. Then one fateful night, we went out and I had too much to drink. My head was spinning, we ended up in bed together and couldn't resist any longer. It was really lovely, and I felt no shame.
"It was only when I woke up the next morning, and saw Philip lying beside me, that I thought: 'What have I done?'
"But there was no turning back and it felt entirely natural. He reassured me it was OK and told me that he loved me.
[...]
"Four months later, Philip and I broke up but I suddenly felt sexually empowered.
"When I started going out with another student, I knew from the word go that we would sleep together and we did, on the second night.
"I also had another sexual fling at university with a friend.
"Having lost my virginity, it didn't seem to matter how many men I slept with, the damage was already done.

To me, this doesn't sound like someone sexually empowered, whatever that means. It seems like her first boyfriend pressured her to have sex and then when she was drunk enough, he took advantage of her. At this point she felt dirty, but thought this is normal. If he loved her, then it's okay was probably what she was thinking. Then when they broke up, she felt like it didn't matter anymore. This isn't someone who is sexually empowered, just someone who made a bad choice and feels like they can't go back. Due to self esteem issues and the pressures of society and her boyfriend, she felt like it was okay even though she didn't want to at first. It doesn't excuse her behaviour, of course. But it is interesting.

2. Even though her parents tried their best to raise her up Islamically, they didn't take into account how much school affects kids. Peer pressure and cultural norms are different and her parents clearly had no idea what they got themselves into. This should be a warning to parents to watch their kids and make sure they go to proper schools. This still may happen, but if you don't have the time to home school then at least send them to a place where it isn't too bad for them deen wise.

BrotherZee
27-01-12, 07:52 AM
Sad part is... Eventhough her father is ill/sick she still lives with that one guy in london!
Now how sad and pathetic this girl is? Then you wanna go ahead and use islam as a scapegoat?? Really?

sam0812
22-03-12, 10:31 AM
On one hand I don't blame her, since she said she may have even been killed.. within the Asian culture it is near impossible to find a guy who will accept a non-virgin.
How would he knows the girl was a non-virgin though? Maybe I'm being naive but ive heard many girls dont bleed etc :|

~ Jumana ~
22-03-12, 01:39 PM
It might be me only ,but i view this article as a great source of fitnah regarding :

1-opening the eyes of more girls that it is ok to commit zina because later they can patch up things.
2- Many brothers actually became paranoid and started pointing fingers on other girls who were "really" virgins.I remember when this article first was published, the reaction of the public here was just horrible.Many innocent girls were put in a situation were they have been asked "well, how do i know you are not fake?" which i believe is very sad.La hawla wala qowwata illa billah.

LondonGal
22-03-12, 01:44 PM
It might be me only ,but i view this article as a great source of fitnah regarding :

1-opening the eyes of more girls that it is ok to commit zina because later they can patch up things.
2- Many brothers actually became paranoid and started pointing fingers on other girls who were "really" virgins.I remember when this article first was published, the reaction of the public here was just horrible.Many innocent girls were put in a situation were they have been asked "well, how do i know you are not fake?" which i believe is very sad.La hawla wala qowwata illa billah.

I don't believe it can be considered as a quick an easy fix - as any educated woman/man would know that a hymen or lack thereof is not a 'proof' of virginity.

~ Jumana ~
22-03-12, 02:04 PM
I don't believe it can be considered as a quick an easy fix - as any educated woman/man would know that a hymen or lack thereof is not a 'proof' of virginity.

Few years ago this kinda surgery got wildly spread among the "very rich" in Egypt.According to that specific surgeon who did the surgeries his clients were highly satisfied with it.Some of the women who did the surgery were actually married women who had their husband`s consent to re-virginize themselves (i dunno if this is even a word)!!!!!

Token
22-03-12, 03:07 PM
Shes alot like a rotten apple. You go outside one day and you see it hanging in the tree all bright and shiny. You think its got a good personality the way its ripened and matured so you commit yourself to it. After taking a bite you think 'oh GOD' what is this man and spit it out. You see that its rotten to the core. I ask everyone to never judge something by its cover, but rather by whats inside it.

Umm Fatimah
22-03-12, 03:29 PM
Assalamo alaikum,

This hymen reconstruction surgery is available in uK now, it's actually a *muslim* surgeon who does it, i was reading an article where he was boasting that even a doctor would not know that it had been broken before, wal a'oothoo billah. There is even an option of sewing in a blood capsule that will release false blood upon penetration, and it is available on day surgery for a fee of around £3,500. He said in the last few years the number of girls getting this operation has drastically increased, nearly all of them british born muslims. You can take the people out of the village, but you can't take the village out of the people. Just another example of how cultural practice is given precedence over islam:-(

However I do think that services like this (I think I read somewhere that is available on the NHS in some circumstances) will give girls without taqwa a free license to get up to no good, and then become *pure* again before their wedding night.

Ariadne
22-03-12, 04:52 PM
"why our religion is so rigid"

BLAH

I never think of myself that having a multiple sexual partners meant "sexually empowered". It's a false perception blown by the feminist movement. Changing sexual partners easily like switching a TV channel is just proving that we're that "cheap" and "easy" -- no matter if you're man or woman. Women are just kind of "victimized" (is this the right word?) because they have hymen and men don't. How do you know if a guy is a virgin or not? But it doesn't make the adultery one made is "better" than another.

Fortunately, the muslim country I live in doesn't have such "virginity checking" culture. This article stated as if the "virginity checking" belongs to Islam and Islam alone. If they look into other parts of the world there are a lot of non-muslim culture emphasizes the importance of virginity. It's too biased to attribute this to Islam alone, and made it as if Islam had been unfair to women.

Juvegirl
22-03-12, 05:20 PM
I've got to say part of me is envious of you (I know that may be wrong) but at least you've lived, done all the things your friends did and been a teenager but for us it was never that easy.

Oh. Em. Gee.

You know that MAY be wrong???? Listen, whatever part of you is thinking those things I did in my past that were wrong were experiences you may have wanted is shaitan playing with you. Those experiences didn't benefit me as a person and didn't add enjoyment to my life. Otherwise WHY WOULD I BE WILLING TO GIVE IT UP FOR AN ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE?

Subhanallah, I WISH I didn't have to live with the memories of my sins.


We always had two identities, one muslim which was at home and the other with our friends, which was western and at times it felt really difficult to try and reconcile the two.

Virtually ALL teenagers suffere with dual-identities until they mature enough to accept themselves for who they are. It has nothing to do with religion. Some people never manage it. Being two-faced is a choice, not an obligation. Be western and a Muslim, like thousands (millions?) of others out there. These concepts are not mutually exclusive.


I wouldn't call her a tramp, I could her a girl who has made some mistakes (who of us hasn't), at home she was forbidden from doing anything and when she got that freedom of course she did things she wanted to do.

She was a tramp. Sleeping around with men you don't know is what a tramp is. She wasn't forbidden from doing "anything" at home. She was stopped by her righteous parents from committing grave sins that would destroy her in this life and bar her from the next.


Sometimes when your growing up it feelings like everything fun is forbidden in Islam, don't listen to music, don't watch tv etc etc and of course the more your forbidden to do something the more you want to rebel and do it.

This, again, is not about Islam. Non-Muslim children are forbidden from drinking and sex, etc., and yes, shaitan preys on those children as well and seeks to corrupt them. But not everyone rebels and does what they want. Some care about their religion, their God and their families, even if they don't care about themselves. You make it sound as though you think she had no chance to live an upright and moral life. Totally not true.

Brother, it's so much easier to stay away from what you don't know than from what you've already experienced...


In regards to our Islamic teaching, most muslims from what I have seen were taught how to read the Quran but never taught the meaning, your taught very little about Islam at home, your told to read the Quran, girls to wear scarves/hijabs and boys to pray at the local mosque that is about it. Your kept on a tight leash at home not allowed to do anything you want to do.

Maybe this is your community and if that is the case then it is messed up. However, I take umbridge to the phrase "...not allowed to do anything you want to do." You should be wanting to please your Creator and if you don't then you're trying to justify serving the devil, and hiding that in "normalcy". It's not normal to want to disobey Allah swt and blame your parents for protecting you from it. It's normal to have desires/urges, to be tempted. But to refuse to see just how badly these things affect everyone around you, to refuse to get to the bottom of why your parents want you to avoid these things, to refuse to look at what Allah swt has ordained in the Quran that your parents have you reading, is shocking to me at least.

It's not like in my day, when the nearest computer was over an hour's drive away, you had to wait in line to use it, and there was no internet available at all. You kids have grown up with the answers as far away as your fingertips. Will you really use these types of arguments with Allah swt on the last day??? Do you think He swt will accept them?

Hudson
23-03-12, 05:37 PM
Assalamo alaikum,

This hymen reconstruction surgery is available in uK now, it's actually a *muslim* surgeon who does it, i was reading an article where he was boasting that even a doctor would not know that it had been broken before, wal a'oothoo billah. There is even an option of sewing in a blood capsule that will release false blood upon penetration, and it is available on day surgery for a fee of around £3,500. He said in the last few years the number of girls getting this operation has drastically increased, nearly all of them british born muslims. You can take the people out of the village, but you can't take the village out of the people. Just another example of how cultural practice is given precedence over islam:-(

However I do think that services like this (I think I read somewhere that is available on the NHS in some circumstances) will give girls without taqwa a free license to get up to no good, and then become *pure* again before their wedding night.

You are so naive . Do you still think that in this age , all muslim girls are innocent and virgin on their wedding beds ?

I think this cultural practise to prefer virgins is good . At least this acts as a deterrent to stop people from committing these huge sins .

samin62
23-03-12, 05:39 PM
You are so naive . Do you still think that in this age , all muslim girls are innocent and virgin on their wedding beds ?

I think this cultural practise to prefer virgins is good . At least this acts as a deterrent to stop people from committing these huge sins .

this act doesn't do nothing but humiliate the muslims and compound ignorance.

If you are going suspect the muslim girls, the chances of muslim guys not being virgins are even more likely.

Hudson
23-03-12, 06:02 PM
this act doesn't do nothing but humiliate the muslims and compound ignorance.

If you are going suspect the muslim girls, the chances of muslim guys not being virgins are even more likely.


I never denied that !!

But in this age , most girls are as bad as a bad boy .