marriage partly love and arranged

[Rosie]

Assalamualaikum-- My name is rosie and I am 18 years old.
about 2 years ago I went to a wedding nearby. They are relatives of ours. I started to like the brides' brother and he did the same in return.
After less than a week after I came bak to my own town from his town, he got my number from someone. He rang me and expressed his feelings. I did the same.
Since then I have not seen him. I have been talking to him a lot after he got my number.
I did not hide anything from my parents. I told them exactly what was going on. My mum said that I can get married to him, but my elder brother is not allowing for this to happen. His family has agreed, but my family is being awkward now.

I really love this boy-he is 5 months younger than me but that doesn't bother me at all.
He goes to college, but is now in pakistan,
Hopefully he will be back soon and continue loving me the way he did before he went.
Please,, can u all give me advice on what I can do to make my family agree???

In the Quran, I read that if a muslim male asks a muslim female to marry him and she agrees, the parents (anyone) do not have the right to disagree.

I know that my family know's this--but they are still too strict on me.
I have not seen him or even planned to meet him since March lastyear, my parents know this too. They also let me talk to him,, but............. they are not agreeing for me to marry him because of my brother and my grandma's emotional blackmail..

please help me out-- thankyou.

[Rosie]

PLEASE EMAIL ME AND DON'T MIND ME TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND LOVE-- THIS MARRIAGE WILL BE PARTLY LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME, AND IT WILL BE PARTLY ARRANGED BECAUSE WE ARE RELATED TO EACH OTHER AND THE FAMILY WILL SORT IT OUT.
IF IT WORKS.........

[Lateafha]

Salam dear Sista

No no one minds that you talk about marriage or love, Thats what every muslim wants achieve one day. :)

your in a tough situation. InshaAllah ALLAH will point you to the right and suitable direction for both you and the man you desire to be married to. You are right , no one has the right to force you into any marriage nor can anyone stop you from getting married to the person you want to be married to. Parents always want the best for us thats the bottom line.

I think you need to know this person, what I mean by knowing him is his "ISLAM". Your parents won't disapprove of a person who is a good muslim InshaAllah. If you are related to him, I don't understand why your parents don't want you to marry him. I pray and hope that things will turn out alright for you sista.

It's important that you get your parents blessings & councel. I tell you this though, if your parents don't want to see the good in the person, then they are wrong, Thats where the "right" of marrying him steps in regardless what they have to say.

I know a sister. she wanted to marry this man and they were in love, he was such a good muslim and still her parents kept saying no. I took the story to my father, my father visited the family and told them that they were wrong, and that they should marry these two people as quickly as possible and not stand in their way. I understand why some parents disapprove, but I don't understand why some parents that are approached with the sunnah & Respect in their home by a good righteous-muslim say no. It's not right.

By the way, just incase your wondering, my friend is happily married and she a son alhamdulilah.

There is a hadeeth about a righteous muslim-man asking for a muslimahs hand in marriage and the parents disapprove, and ras-lulah said something about that InshaAllah i'll try find the exact hadeeth, i don't want to say something wrong.

I pray that ALLAH gives you a good pious muslim with taqwa and Imaan. and that ALLAH keeps away from evil-doers ameen,

let me know how things go,

FiamaanaALLAH

[Rosie]

ASSALAMUALAIKUM SISTER--
I HOPE YOU RECIEVED MY LAST EMAIL.. I THOUGHT I'D JUST EMAIL YOU BACK AND THANKYOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME AND TO LET YOU KNOW THAT MY FAMILY HAVE ALL AGREED FOR ME TO MARRY THE MAN OF MY DREAMS,ONLY WHEN HE COMES AND ASKS FOR MY RISHTAA.
BASICALLY HE HASN'T ACTUALLY COME AND ASKED FOR MY HAND JUST YET..HE IS STILL IN PAKISTAN.. AND WHEN HE COMES,,I HOPE MY FAMILY KEEP THEIR WORD AND BE HAPPY WITH MY MARRIAGE.

I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD EID AND I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL THE LOVE YOU NEED OFR WANT TO BE HAPPY...

INSHALLAH,, I WILL HERE FROM YOU SOON???

KEEP INTOUCH AND FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS ANYTHING YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT WITH ME..

THANKYOU ONCE AGAIN... YOU REALLY DID CHEER ME UP AND I APPRECIATE IT..
TAKE CARE..

FIMAN-ALLA

[Aiasha]

pray for me
i wana marry a guy of my choice too

[outlandish]

is this the love season or what?
everyone is in love and marrying people?
:confused:

[Lateafha]

Originally posted by Rosie
ASSALAMUALAIKUM SISTER--
I HOPE YOU RECIEVED MY LAST EMAIL.. I THOUGHT I'D JUST EMAIL YOU BACK AND THANKYOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME AND TO LET YOU KNOW THAT MY FAMILY HAVE ALL AGREED FOR ME TO MARRY THE MAN OF MY DREAMS,ONLY WHEN HE COMES AND ASKS FOR MY RISHTAA.
BASICALLY HE HASN'T ACTUALLY COME AND ASKED FOR MY HAND JUST YET..HE IS STILL IN PAKISTAN.. AND WHEN HE COMES,,I HOPE MY FAMILY KEEP THEIR WORD AND BE HAPPY WITH MY MARRIAGE.

I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD EID AND I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL THE LOVE YOU NEED OFR WANT TO BE HAPPY...

INSHALLAH,, I WILL HERE FROM YOU SOON???

KEEP INTOUCH AND FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS ANYTHING YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT WITH ME..

THANKYOU ONCE AGAIN... YOU REALLY DID CHEER ME UP AND I APPRECIATE IT..
TAKE CARE..

FIMAN-ALLA

Alhamdulilah I am glad that all is going well for you sis,
You are most welcome, If there is anything that I can do at all just give me alittle holla, I'll try to be there in anyway I possibly can.:);)

Outslandish, I agree lol
when will it be your turn?:p :cool:

[Aiasha]

man am not in love or ready for maarraige..l0ozl
am juz saying
yah..pplz r soo in love, nd marraige ish deze days
but not me
:)

[outlandish]

Originally posted by LATEAFHA


Outslandish, I agree lol
when will it be your turn?:p :cool:
Mine turn naa not for a long time,marriage doesnt hold the same eagerness for me like it has for a lot of people
dont think I will ever feel like getting married
:p

[Ayah]

[i]

In the Quran, I read that if a muslim male asks a muslim female to marry him and she agrees, the parents (anyone) do not have the right to disagree.

please help me out-- thankyou. [/B]

Point out to me where it says that. I've never read that before,so before saying that they Quran says "so-and-so" you should really double check your sources. Both the parents and the girl must agree to a marriage. Otherwise, what would be the point of having a wali (guardian) at your nikaah??? Also, I don't understand why your parents agree to let you talk to him when at the same time, they're not allowing you to marry him because of your brother and grandmother. It's like putting candy in front of a child and telling them not to go near it. Maybe you should stop talking to this guy until you settle the issue with your family. For more information, please see below. May Allah help you, Ameen.

~Ayah

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=22760&dgn=4
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The presence of the wali (guardian) is one of the conditions of marriage, and a woman’s marriage is not valid unless this condition is met. This is the correct view and is the view of the majority of scholars. See question no. 2127.

The person who has the most right to be a woman’s guardian is her father, but if it is proven that he is not qualified for this role then it moves to the next closest relative, such as her grandfather for example.

For more information on this issue, with evidence, please see question no. 7193 and 31119.

Secondly:

With regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084.

See also question no. 6942 and 5202.

Thirdly:

One of the shar’i conditions of marriage is the consent of the wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how does she give her permission?” He said, “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4741; Muslim, 2543.

No one has the right to force a girl to marry anyone, but at the same time she does not have the right to get married without her guardian’s permission.

The presence of the guardian is an important condition for a marriage to be valid, but a girl should not be forced into marrying someone who she does not want to marry, and she is not regarded as disobeying her parents in this case. Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said: “The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient, like eating something that he does not want.” Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344

Fourthly:

With regard to your father and the way he is, we offer the following advice:

(i) Make du’aa’ for him in his absence. There is no specific du’aa’, so pray to Allaah to reform him and open his heart.

(ii) Seek the help of some of your father’s friends or relatives whom you trust to try to change him.

(iii) Give him some books or tapes in your language that will encourage him to have a good attitude and warn him against the opposite, and give them as a gift using a good approach when you do so. Allaah may make this a cause of his reforming.

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=2127&dgn=3

What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony. I am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for this role.

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.

He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

[Rosie]

Ayah----

I'm sorry-- in the Qur'an i read that if a girl wants to marry a man he must be muslim and visaversa---
in a book called-- "The etiquettes of marriage in the pure tradition of the prophet", it says that if a muslim man proposes to a muslim woman they have the right to marry. and that the mother of=r father (anyone) can not say no...as long as they are happy ....

i couldn't get hold of the book to write down the qoutes,, but basically this is what i read..
i only talk about things that i have heard about or read before.

[Ayah]

Yes, in the Quran it says that girls have to marry Muslims and so on. However, that's not what you said in your first post. You said:

"In the Quran, I read that if a muslim male asks a muslim female to marry him and she agrees, the parents (anyone) do not have the right to disagree."

These two points are totally different. I've never read the latter in the Quran. There's multiple ahadith stating how marriage without a wali (guardian) is invalid. More details are in my earlier post.

~Ayah

[amal]

Originally posted by outlandish
is this the love season or what?
everyone is in love and marrying people?
:confused:
Please think positive. I keep to repeat to myself i will marry soon and will be for love. Hoping that will really become true one day.:) Until than listening "Sister you don't have to be alone".:D