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Angel Of Death

03-11-03, 11:08 AM

Assalamuaalykum,

Dear brothers and sisters in islam,

I hav been reading alot in this chat forum. i need help!! THere is this sister i really like and she really likes me , but the thing is dat we are still young... We both kno dat we are the ryt person for each other... How do we go and tell this to our parents? SHall we jus say it ? Is there a presigour we take in telling our parents? please help! :( :(

Gwenhwyvar

03-11-03, 12:39 PM

Salam Brother,

I think you and the sister you want to marry should do
( Al-Istikhaarah) which is a supplication for seeking guidance or choosing between something, and most people do this for marriage, and also many other things. Inshallah you will get all the answers you need. let me know if you want more information on Istikhaarah.

And in the case of parents, i think you'll be ok, if you sit your parents down , and explain how serious you are about this sister, they will understand and advise you. Remember that, at the end of the day, Allah has the finally decision so seek help from him, through Istikhaarah and du'as.

Good luck with it all brother, let me know how it goes, or if you need more advice.

Salam. :)

U_wott

03-11-03, 01:08 PM

Make istikhaara and ACT upon it. It does not suffice to simply make istikhaara and expect that the answer just come to you, the answer is available in many forms and some not immediately recognisable. Once you made istikhaara, ask a person of knowledge or a person who you are close (both even!) to and see how they advise you.

GoodLookinBro

03-11-03, 08:59 PM

Gwenhwyvar

03-11-03, 09:39 PM

GoodLookinBro,

im actually a sister, and i think brother Angel, can seek Al-Istikhaarah if he wants to, thats why its there, for us to seek guidance through Allah.

GoodLookinBro

04-11-03, 09:57 AM

yes seek guidance through allah for matters which are halal to start with.....if somefing is haraam...then there is only one definate answer...NO.....are you the sister that he wants to marryy...? just curious?......how can there be a may be in a matter which is haraam....if i stole something of someone.....and i wasnt sure what to do with it...i fout shud i return it....or shud i keep it.......wud u expect me to do istikhara?...u probably would...but accroding to shariah..i wudnt...if u cant see what am sayin...and u like to be ignorent...then dnt reply to this message.

haqa

04-11-03, 10:20 AM

Angel Of Death

04-11-03, 11:19 AM

jazakallah fto you all!! I really appreciated it!! Wot wud i get from istikhaara?

Angel Of Death

04-11-03, 11:24 AM

AM i gonna get a dream or summin ? or an inclination ? wot if the dream is bad? or my inclination is bad ?

I kno that the sooner u get married the beta. But i dnt hav the means to shelter and cloth her at the moment. ANd im not even working , im still stufying , wich is even harder for me wiv this situation .

U sed that i shud go a jus sit down wiv my parents. but its not how u think it is . Parents nowdays , especially asian parents , wen dey hear bout marriage they go crazy and they start shouting at you and telling you that your too young to tlk bout these things.

Ebony

04-11-03, 11:35 AM

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&forumid=42&threadid=12450

Gwenhwyvar

04-11-03, 11:45 AM

Originally posted by GoodLookinBro
yes seek guidance through allah for matters which are halal to start with.....if somefing is haraam...then there is only one definate answer...NO.....are you the sister that he wants to marryy...? just curious?......how can there be a may be in a matter which is haraam....if i stole something of someone.....and i wasnt sure what to do with it...i fout shud i return it....or shud i keep it.......wud u expect me to do istikhara?...u probably would...but accroding to shariah..i wudnt...if u cant see what am sayin...and u like to be ignorent...then dnt reply to this message.

First of all im not the sister his marrying.
secondly, Brother Angel did NOT come here seeking advice to be judged by an arrogant person like you...by the way we all know that free mixing is not permitted but in this society it is unavoidable...even with all these temptations, if you can control yourself not to act upon it then u are doin something a lot greater than some one who is not tempted by anything. To me, Brother Angel has good intentions he wants to marry her to make his relationship halal....another thing: IStikaara is RECOMMENDED to ppl who need advice in wot steps they want to take in their life so i dont think you should question wot Allah has allowed us to do.....i think you should read Brother Angel's post again because i think you're just chucking things in the air and your not making sense...you should not judge ppl coz the next time you fall in love don't come back to us. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WOT IM SAYING???
BY THE WAY, Brother Angel has already met and likes the girl so there is no point chatting about wot he should or shouldnt have done...ITS DONE end of story....now our muslim brother has asked us for advice on how to go about it the right way so if you cant be supportive then dont say anything at all....and another thing u say its your fard to tell muslim right from, wrong but your not supposed to impose your opinions onto them....u let them know and let them to decide. ...we aint sheep....we're human beings and we have free will and by the way...NO ONE ON THIS PLANET IS AN ANGEL. that is wot TAUBAH is for. i bet you done a few things u are not proud of, so dont act like you doo doo dont stink.

Gwenhwyvar

04-11-03, 11:51 AM

Brother Angel,
istikaara is something you will either see in a form of a dream so you know that the decision you're making is good or bad or if you dont see it in a dream, you will notice that the situation is going either one way or the other. Just make d'ua and inshallah eveything will be ok...you may have to do it more than once...and a little word of advice....get your education sorted, so you are able to support yourself and your future wife so then your parents can say that you are ready and mature enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage.

Angel Of Death

04-11-03, 11:55 AM

Woah Woah !! Hang on guys !! Dnt hav an argument or summin ova this matter!! Ur gonna make it worse otherwise!! I kno wot ur trying to say sister and i really apprecite it. And the gud lookingbro he did giv sum advice wich i can take and ponmder upon it. Sister i kno u r very understandin wich is y i came to this chat forum for advice... jazakillah .... Pray to allah dat woteva happens it is dun in a halaal way and not harram way..

Gwenhwyvar

04-11-03, 05:39 PM

Brother Angel,

dear brother, im not having an argument, i felt that goodlookin bro was rude to me for no reason. :confused: i feel whatever good or bad you've done, your judgement is soley with ALLAH. i'm only here to advise you as a sister in islam.

i really hope things work out for you, inshallah i will make du'as for you. let me know if you want me to write up the istikaara dua for you, mashallah its so beautiful, were so lucky to have Allah & islam as our deen. :inlove:

Angel Of Death

04-11-03, 06:46 PM

Slm sister , i kno wot u mean sista. U are ryt that Allah is the best judge. Its just dat u guys are trying to help me and giv me advice , but u shudnt argue or b rude to one another.. that is not how a muslim shud treat one another. Instead they shud forgiv each other coz Allah loves those hu forgiv.

Newayz... Pls do giv me sum duas wich i can say wile im doing my istikhaara.. Inshallah i will do istikhaara tonite and if it dus not work den i will do it tomorrw nyt too..

Once agen plz make dua for me .... and jakillah wa jazakallah khairan...

Gwenhwyvar

04-11-03, 10:40 PM

Originally posted by Angel Of Death
Slm sister , i kno wot u mean sista. U are ryt that Allah is the best judge. Its just dat u guys are trying to help me and giv me advice , but u shudnt argue or b rude to one another.. that is not how a muslim shud treat one another. Instead they shud forgiv each other coz Allah loves those hu forgiv.

Newayz... Pls do giv me sum duas wich i can say wile im doing my istikhaara.. Inshallah i will do istikhaara tonite and if it dus not work den i will do it tomorrw nyt too..

Once agen plz make dua for me .... and jakillah wa jazakallah khairan...

Brother Angel,

wasalam brother, your absolutely right, i don't have anything against the other brother i'm just giving him a response back. :p

ok now the following is the istikhaara du'a:

Supplication for seeking guidance in forming a decision or choosing the proper course.
(Al-Istikhaarah)

On the authority of Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah he said: The Prophet (S) would instruct us to pray for guidance in all of our concerns, just as he would teach us a chapter from the Qur’an. He (S) would say ‘if any of you intends to undertake a matter then let him pray two supererogatory units (two rak’ah naafilah) of prayer and after which he should supplicate:

‘O Allaah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength and I ask You from Your immense favour, for verily You are able while I am not and verily You know while I do not and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allaah, if You know this affair *-and here he mentions his need-* to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.’

One who seeks guidance from his Creator and consults his fellow believers and then remains firm in his resolve does not regret for Allaah has said:

‘…and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allaah…”

Brother read this du'a i would have wrote it in Arabic but i'm not sure how you'd type in the characters. i hope English is ok though. Inshallah everything will be alright. you take care let me know how things go.

Salam. :)

Ayah

05-11-03, 01:05 AM

Below is the transliteration. I also typed the link I got it from. You both need to inform your parents on this issue before you even bother making istikhara on whether or not you're "right for eachother." For a girl to make istikhara about marriage, there has to be a marriage proposal. Just because you both might be interested doesn't mean anything b/c she can't get married without the approval of her wali (guardian- ie: her father). So yes, go straight to your parents before you continue with this. It'll be a big mistake for the both of you if you let this go on without informing them. :( May Allah be with you, Ameen.

~Ayah

Transliteration:
http://islam.about.com/blistikhara.htm (you can also view the arabic here)

Allahumma inni astakheeroka bi ilmik. Wa'astaq-diroka biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka min fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka taqdiru wala aqdir. Wata lamo wala-a lam. Wa'anta-allamul ghuyoob.

Allahumma in kunta ta lamu anna (hathal-amra*) khayul-lee fi deenee wama ashi wa ajila amri wa'ajilah, faqdorho lee, wayassirho lee, thomma-barik lee fih. Wa'in konta ta lamo anna (hathal-amra*) sharrul-lee fi deenee. Wama ashi. Wa ajila amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho annee. Wasrifnee anh. Waqdur leyal-khayr haytho kan. Thomma ardini bih.

amal

06-11-03, 09:24 AM

Originally posted by Gwenhwyvar
get your education sorted, so you are able to support yourself . [/B]
I believe thats the most important, to finish your education , to can have a family. A marriage based on mutual love and understanding will last for your entire life. Because in your case its love ,she will wait until you will finish your education, or may be she too wants that:) The time spend on the net will help you to know better each other , to discover more common points regarding your point of view of life. In first month its a very strong attraction, you need a little bit more time to discern if its love or just attraction. I don';t think its haram if you just talk with she and you are honest

Ayah

06-11-03, 11:58 AM

They shouldn't continue talking until they each tell their parents. Talking about this issue unmonitored will lead to fitnah.

~Ayah

U_wott

06-11-03, 03:38 PM

Originally posted by Angel Of Death
Assalamuaalykum,

Dear brothers and sisters in islam,

I hav been reading alot in this chat forum. i need help!! THere is this sister i really like and she really likes me , but the thing is dat we are still young... We both kno dat we are the ryt person for each other... How do we go and tell this to our parents? SHall we jus say it ? Is there a presigour we take in telling our parents? please help! :( :(

In response to the good looking lad...

doesnt say he's doing anything haraam there, could b totally honest until someone puts thoughts into other peoples heads. Allahu Alam.

BTW, istikhaara COULD even be an inclination, a negative feeling, a change of situation, an upturn in events etc etc

seven

07-11-03, 04:44 AM

Originally posted by AbuMubarak
Marriage: To Wait or not to Wait, That is the Question
Assalamu Alaikum

By Baiyinah Siddeeq
Reprinted from AbuZubair.com

"I don't care if I am 55 when I finish school, I will not get married until I finish my education."

The above is a quote from a young Muslim woman pursuing what she calls her "education." Unfortunately, her strong dedication to finishing the Western undergraduate and graduate university "education" system reflects the ever-growing trend among young Muslims in this society: to wait until they posses a "degree" before entertaining the prospect of marriage. What is even more grim is the fact that these young Muslims' parents reflect the same diseased ideology.

Somehow, the Western system of "education" has replaced Islam as the central priority in Muslims' lives. This blind dedication to obtaining a degree is so ingrained in the Muslim family that if a daughter herself is interested in marriage, the parents will forbid the matrimony solely on the grounds that she must finish school. Thus, marriage has virtually become a bad word in several Muslim circles if that word "marriage" is at all connected with the marriage of a "daughter" who has not finished "school," i.e. "college." Of course, if she has not finished high school, marriage is beyond undesirable; it is unthinkable. Such counterproductive thought processes are contributing to the breakdown of the Muslim ummah, and they are preventing the true establishment of Islam in our society and lives.

Every society has a foundation, and that foundation is the family. If we Muslims value obtaining Western college degrees more than we value establishing the foundation for an Islamic society, what does this say for the future of our ummah? Furthermore, what does it say about our claim that we are indeed Muslims? It goes without saying that there is benefit to holding a college degree, but when weighed against the benefit of marriage, which is half of our religion, marriage heavily outweighs it. Thus, when we see that in the hearts and minds of Muslims the benefits or "urgency" of a college degree outweighs marriage, there is something seriously wrong in our ummah not to mention our thinking.

Although, on the surface, the issue of education versus marriage seems complex, the explanation for this phenomenon is actually quite simple: our basic values lie not in the akhira (Hereafter) but in the dunya (wordly life). Whenever we are presented with an order from Allah or His Messenger (i.e. marriage), we fulfill that order only in so much as it does not prevent us from attaining the glitter of the dunya. For many of us, if the order inconveniences our dunya too much, we ignore the order all together -- hence, the quote above. For most of us, if something must give -- dunya or akhira -- the choice is simple: akhira goes first. Hence, we have the prioritizing of school versus marriage.

Another phenomenon prevalent in our ummah that is weakening the foundation of our Islamic society (the family) and serves as a ground to delay marriage is Muslims' ever growing fascination with a chronological number attached to each person because that person happened to be born on a particular day in a particular year, commonly termed "age." Somehow, we have internalized the Western definition of "childhood" and "adulthood" so much so that we frequently refer to our young adult children of marriageable age as "children" or "too young" to marry. Both the labeling of adults as "children" and the excuse that adults are "too young" to marry are phenomena that are not only new to Islam but are inventions of the modern age in general. [Editor's note: dare we forget the ages of many of the sahaabah? How Usama bin Zaid led an army in his teens, and how we had "teenage" mujaahideen?]. And just as we follow the people of the world into the "lizard hole" of "education," we follow our modern teachers (who have replaced the Prophet (saw) as our example) into the "lizard hole" of obsession with age. And just as holding a college degree has become the single most important accomplishment of the young Muslim and her family, so has age become the most significant determinant of whether or not a person is "ready" to marry.

The question is, what do we do about it? First, we must reclaim our Islamic identity and reevaluate our purpose on this earth. When we do this honestly, we will discover that our purpose here is very straightforward: to establish Islam in our lives and then in the world at large. Everything else, such as attending a local university and obtaining a college degree, falls under the category of "accessories," i.e. "not necessary." Thus, when a Muslim is faced with the prospect of marriage, which falls under the category of "establishing Islam," there should be no hesitation, and any desired "accessory" should be pursued only in so far as Islam is pursued. As a result, there is the possible scenario of, yes, a "young married college student," or dare I say, "young married high school student."

The benefits of marrying are enormous, and those benefits increase when marriage occurs sooner rather than later. Guarding the chastity of our youth and encouraging the birth of several children for the growth of this ummah [not to mention the fact the marriage creates an ideal scenario for man and woman to increase their chances of entering Paradise and fulfill half of their religion] are serious benefits that Muslim parents and youth need to reconsider. Let us reclaim Islam for ourselves and share it with the world, and let us start in the home by encouraging young men and young women to marry. Let us redefine "education" and "adulthood" based upon Qur'an and Sunnah.

May Allah bless us to please Him while we are on this earth through establishing Islam in every aspect of our lives without hesitation, and may we attain Paradise, our goal. Ameen

Wa'alaikum Salam

alifromconroe

10-11-03, 01:46 AM

I agree with what seven posted 10000%

Zydee

10-11-03, 12:08 PM

angel of death, i was of the understanding that according to shariah, a man cannot take a wife if he cannot support her... i checked out your profile, and you said you were a student... maybe you should consider waiting till you have an income.
also, what if you get married, and the babies come, and you are not working? my granny used to say one should fast to take away the urges! :)

U_wott

10-11-03, 04:19 PM

Tawakkul il Allah

AhmedSyed

11-11-03, 02:15 AM

Salam Bros and Sisters

Im just curious. But since in Islam there is no idea of "free mixing", how are we supposed to find the future spouse? Im from Pakistan, and in Pakistan our parents go around and look for sutibale spouses. Is that what the rest of the Muslim world does?

(Im only in High School...far away from marriage, but I was just wondering...BTW I think we ought to bring Ze Helper here, she is a marriage expert.:) )

So basically, my question(s) is this...

1. How is one supposed to find a spouse?
2. Have their parents look for one?
3. Is that the only option?

Zydee

13-11-03, 08:32 AM

where i am from you check each other out in the neighbourhood. visit. if you visit the girl too much, his parents get called in. the girls parents ask what the boys intention is. if he is not serious about the girl, she doesn't see him any more. if he is serious, wedding arrangements get done. this process normally takes a year or two.

baba

14-11-03, 05:01 PM

Please refer to this hadith: http://www.ummah.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=165942

As far as I can see, 'Angel of Death' is not doing anything haraam. IMHO, he is going the halal way about things.

baba

14-11-03, 05:08 PM

Originally posted by Zydee
angel of death, i was of the understanding that according to shariah, a man cannot take a wife if he cannot support her... i checked out your profile, and you said you were a student... maybe you should consider waiting till you have an income.
also, what if you get married, and the babies come, and you are not working? We have income support in the UK, you know, it's meant to support us until we get a job :)

God save the Queen :D

Lateafha

15-11-03, 03:24 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by AhmedSyed
[B]Salam Bros and Sisters

Im just curious. But since in Islam there is no idea of "free mixing", how are we supposed to find the future spouse? Im from Pakistan, and in Pakistan our parents go around and look for sutibale spouses. Is that what the rest of the Muslim world does?

In My college male-muslim-students constantly propose to muslim girls, They tell them their intention and if they fancy him, they get to know eachother better etc... and than they marry eachother.

I see people approaching, and so upfront, ofcourse it requires some courage, but I find that quite impressive. ;)

haqa

15-11-03, 10:42 AM

Originally posted by LATEAFHA
[QUOTE]Originally posted by AhmedSyed
[B]Salam Bros and Sisters

In My college male-muslim-students constantly propose to muslim girls, They tell them their intention and if they fancy him, they get to know eachother better etc... and than they marry eachother.

I see people approaching, and so upfront, ofcourse it requires some courage, but I find that quite impressive. ;)

But some times it dont work out well that welll. Lets say the girl and boy like each other, then when the girl says she wants to marry a college boy, her parents refuse. So then she runs away like a ***** would, makinging the parents worried. Then when she comes back the parents have no choice but to get rid of her, becaue she is so in love, and becaue they are not happy with the marriage they break all ties with her, i seen it happen b4. **it happens

JiHaDiYa

07-01-07, 04:27 PM

Akhi...1stly like others have sed u sud pray istikhaara, and u need 2 think u as a brother u have a big role 2play when u get married (inshallah) lyk providdin for ur wife, feedin her (etc)

2nd akhi therez a ahadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah (ra) dat the messenger of Allah (swt) said:

There are three individuals that it is a right upon Allah to help them: a fighter for Allah's cause, a Mukatib who wants to pay himself off, and one who seeks marriage for the purpose of perserving his chasity.

(repoted by Ahmad, at- Tirmithi)

subhanallah akhi, there is a beautiful surah dat will inshallah cum in handy:

Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous of your male and female slaves. if they be poor, Allah will enrich them from his favours. Allah is bountiful and knowing (surah An-Nur)

also i stress dat its sunnah 2 marry young aswell! you no wot akhi just keep on making dua 2 allah (swt) and if its meant to b then he will make it easy for u inshallah, Allah swt dont like to leave the servants hand empty handed.....

hope all goes well akhi :up:

-T-

08-01-07, 07:58 AM

Lol, this was posted over 3 years ago :rolleyes:

Tahirrrrrrrrrr :up:

Abu Mus'ab

08-01-07, 08:30 AM

Lol, this was posted over 3 years ago :rolleyes:

Tahirrrrrrrrrr :up:
I was going to say the same thing.

hussein296

18-01-07, 02:00 AM

no no no no.....firstly brother not to put u down or anyfin...but it islamic sense..and thinkin islamicly..without me givin any hadith..just sense...firstly....in islam free mixing is not allowed, free mixing of any sort...be it...threw physical means or threw the net..both creates temptations within ones heart.....and there fore this kind of liking each other be they in the most innocent of terms, is totaly disallowed....secondly..to the broithers who recomended istikhara.....think before u do it....as it is takin gudiance threw allah...in the form of istikhara...now the act which u will be taking istikhara is haraam....how can u take mahwera..consultation with allah s.w.t?.....it cnt be done brother...if somefing is wrong..then...theres no yes or no or may be..its a simple stop it...shataan..is taking ova your mind...and controlling ur desires..b strong...jazak brother inshallah i answered ur query....the rite..way..ameen. wasalaam

then how is one to marry when he is not allowed to speak or see the person they want to marry,it true some people date which is not allowed but meeting in public and asking questions about prospective is hardly sin is it.
at times likes these any brother or sister who want to marry should be helped and encouraged but alas we have some hypocrite making it almost impossible while they help themselves.
remember the hadith where one sahaba asked The Rasululah s.a.w the he wanted to marry a woman from ansar he was asked if he had seen here,he replied yes,he was asked if he was happy with how ansari women looked he said yes.
so now tell me was he wrong to look and find out more about her?

asraghfurulah,you people are goner create a nation full of homosexuals if you persisit in making it hard for men and women to seek each other in marriage.
these in fact has happend in west.it true mixing and dating is wrong but the brother here merely said he want to marry a sister who happen he to come across in his life,what do you expect him to do close his eyes and run.

you should be going out and telling those people who are openly dating and committing zina in public instead of lecturing these brother whose goal is marriage.(enjoin good and forbid evil)
judging by your writting i think you are al wahabiya sect,who are you to put conditions on al istikharah.

may Allah make it easier for you,Ameen

GuCcI

18-01-07, 02:42 AM

Lol, this was posted over 3 years ago :rolleyes:

Tahirrrrrrrrrr :up:

salaam

wow... then i wonder wat happened to the guy :rolleyes:

Mohammed Shujat

18-01-07, 02:57 AM

hi gucci

muslim_sis

18-01-07, 08:20 AM

Lol, this was posted over 3 years ago :rolleyes:

Tahirrrrrrrrrr :up:
lol exactly .. maybe someone is same situation so pops it up ?