Marriage in Islam

[Muslim Sista]

Salaam,
The Islamic term for a wedding ceremony is NIKKAH. It is sacred, social contacts bridegroom and bride. The Prophet (P.B.U.H) once said,
"Do not marry only for the sake of beauty, maybe the beauty comes the cause of moral decline, do not marry even for the sake of wealth; maybe wealth is the reason for disobedience. Marry rather on grounds of religious devotion."
Unfortunatly many muslims d search for wealth, ethinic background,looks and such things that have little to do with how loving and pleasing that marriage is to Allah.
The parents traditionally arrange Muslim marriages but the final say is with the two people involved. Once the man and woman are engaged, they are able to meet each other, talk together and get to know each other before marriage. There should be a third person with them to keep things proper and within the limits of Islam. The Prophet (P.B.U.H) once said,
"When a (unmarried) man and woman are together, the third within then is the Shaytan (satan)"
Maybe you can learn a lesson from this.

[EVILution]

Have u learnt a lesson from this, I mean have ur opinions about marriage changed from negative to positive!

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

The issue of these marital terms needs clarifying:

Rishta: is engagement

Nikah: is marriage

Walima: is ceremony

[Muslim Sista]

Thank you very much for that Bash ah rat!
i could of done it if someone asked for explanantions.:p

[islamic jihad]

salaam

what if u wanna stay single for the rest of ur life..and u have no problem in lowering ur gaze, etc.....i mean if u get married and can't love the dude..then ain't u gonna ruin his life too?

am not saying marriage is wrong...cos it's not....but some ppl don't like it....anyways...would appreciate ur 2 cents...

ur sis IJ

wasalaam.

[Trekker]

Marriage is only wajib if not marrying would cause you to fall into zina (so, for most people- it's wajib). Otherwise, it is only recommended, so far as I know. And I believe it is not recommended for someone to has no natural attraction, because this would be emotionally harmful to their spouse.

[abaleada]

depending on the school of thought you follow and what the situation is, marriage could be wajib, sunnah, mandub/mubah, disliked, or haram - and lacking either the means or the desire to get married is part of the equation

[Lateafha]

Originally posted by islamic jihad
salaam

what if u wanna stay single for the rest of ur life..and u have no problem in lowering ur gaze, etc.....i mean if u get married and can't love the dude..then ain't u gonna ruin his life too?

am not saying marriage is wrong...cos it's not....but some ppl don't like it....anyways...would appreciate ur 2 cents...

ur sis IJ

wasalaam.

Sister, don't you want to have children?
My older sisters have children, and everytime I see those children it melts my heart,

Ofcourse, you have to bring children to this world with someone you love truly, lol I am on and on about children only,. I know there are other things to marriage too besides children, but the thought of having your own children is really something beautiful to look forward to,

I'll get you a hadeeth, hold a sec, about that it's sunnah to get married when you can

[Justcurious]

No, not a must ever. Some Catholics seem to be happy with what they have chosen.

[Lateafha]

It is not only SUNNAH rather it is an obligation too

The Holy Prophet (peace be upon them) paid considerable attention to the basic instinct of the human being. He admonished his followers to lead a good married life and warned them of the dire consequences of remaining a bachelor. Hence, on one occasion he proclaimed.

"Whoever loves my nature, will follow my traditions and among my traditions is marriage." (Makaaremul Akhlaq by Sheikh Tabarsi).

On yet another occasion, he said, "The best people of my Ummat are those who get married and have chosen their wives and the worst people of my nations are those who have kept away from marriage and our passing their lives as bachelor." (Mustadrakul Wasail by Muhaddith Noori, Vol. 2, Pg. 531).

the Holy Prophet (SAW) states: "O youths, whosoever among you can marry he should do so because marriage protects your eyes (from indulging in sin by looking lustly at others) and privacy." (Makaaremul Akhlaq).

The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,


"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."

So In its 'ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah.

[Huda]

sunnah of the prophet SAW

[abaleada]

Originally posted by LATEAFHA
It is not only SUNNAH rather it is an obligation too

Hold on, there, sis. Under the normal circumstances, it's a sunnah, and a highly reccommended one at athat; but it doesn't become wajib unless certain conditions exist. And the fact is that other certain conditions also exist whereby marriage would be mubah, or even makruh, etc. It really does depend on the sitiation, and to some degree the school of thought that you follow.

[Kaaju Barfi]

marriage is a sunnah muakkadaha of the holy prophet[saws], no madhab says its haraam to marry :eek2:

[abaleada]

I have consistently stated that under certain conditions, at least one of the madhahib states that it is haram to marry.

Of course, we all know about the boundaries of relation.

What follows is from the linked website.
-Abbie, missing "Punky" and her claws

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/humanrelations/womeninislam/marriage.html
However some [Maliki] jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).

Marriage is forbidden (haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny. It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.

In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride: "Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."

[Talib]

Asalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakatu Sister IJ

Sister you have to remember that Allaah(swt) created men and women so they may live with each other:-

And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. Surah Ar-Rum

And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best

Marriage is something that is encouraged and the Prophet(saws) said it was Sunnah:

"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."

Sister Marriage has many aspects to it, not just and having children which is definately good. But Marriages also allow us to obey the commandment of Allaah(swt) and has many aspects of Ibaadah involved..

Fi Amaan Allaahi

[Ebony]

some sisters probably dnt want2get married as they might be looked at as a 'baby making machine' and very little else.
and might b restricted in what they can/cnt do

majority of the thinking is probably due2 stereotypes or from experiences of other women (friends..family etc)

Ws

[dour]

I person should never get married unless he or she has a desire to get married, and it should becuse of love, trust, and the desire to stay with that person the rest of your life. If you do not have those things yet, do not get married. Also, some married people (both men and women) never have children, nor want any.

[abaleada]

Talib, Ebony, you hit on a deep-seated fear of mine: raising children. As for trust, I plan to write up a killer contract so that inshallah I won't spend the rest of my life thinking "what if?" I don't plan on using the contract, but I do want to have one there that will protect me against various scenarios that I don't ever want happening (again).

[Lateafha]

Originally posted by Ebony
some sisters probably dnt want2get married as they might be looked at as a 'baby making machine' and very little else.
and might b restricted in what they can/cnt do

majority of the thinking is probably due2 stereotypes or from experiences of other women (friends..family etc)

Ws

are you speaking for yourself?;)

[Trekker]

The idea that marriage is wajib seems pretty absurd- because not everyone CAN marry, or even SHOULD marry. Go figure, that everything said about marriage being required, was said in the form of a hadith:rolleyes: . The hadiths aren't protected by Allah, therefore, no one can be certain of their validity. The Qur'an is complete, and it says absolutely nothing about marriage being required.

[Lateafha]

Originally posted by Trekker
The Qur'an is complete, and it says absolutely nothing about marriage being required.

oh yeah? are you sure....I doubt thats true, I think there is alot about marriage in the Quraan

[Ebony]

Originally posted by LATEAFHA
are you speaking for yourself?;)

no :p

[Gwenhwyvar]

:inlove: Marriage :inlove: ......

can't wait for my big day! :D

[Gabril]

Originally posted by Ebony
[B]some sisters probably dnt want2get married as they might be looked at as a 'baby making machine' and very little else.
and might b restricted in what they can/cnt do
No, I don' t think so. Most of the young muslimas don't want to marry, because there is nothing really worth marrying.

[Ebony]

Originally posted by Gabril
No, I don' t think so. Most of the young muslimas don't want to marry, because there is nothing really worth marrying.

and tht :P
bt main factor is prob the 'fear' (cnt think of another appropriate word) of being mis-treated/abused

Ws

[Gabril]

Originally posted by Ebony
and tht :P
bt main factor is prob the 'fear' (cnt think of another appropriate word) of being mis-treated/abused

Ws
Well, that's one of the aspects that I meant.
No education, no discipline (from an islamic view), no maturity, no behaviour, no courage (from a political view).

No, thanks. :D

[Ebony]

Originally posted by Gabril
Well, that's one of the aspects that I meant.
No education, no discipline (from an islamic view), no maturity, no behaviour, no courage (from a political view).

No, thanks. :D

:D
usually the one's objecting to marriage end up marrying b4 their peers :P (not forced either!)

Gabril..so..whens ur big day? :D

Ws

[Gabril]

Originally posted by Ebony
[B]:D
usually the one's objecting to marriage end up marrying b4 their peers :P (not forced either!)
No, certainly not. :p

Gabril..so..whens ur big day? :D
Don't get confused by my nickname, I'm female. ;)
I just choose Gabril, because I like this name very much.


Wassalam

[Ebony]

Originally posted by Gabril
No, certainly not. :p


Don't get confused by my nickname, I'm female. ;)
I just choose Gabril, because I like this name very much.


Wassalam

i had a feeling u were female :D
dnt worry..we hve a resident matchmaker on this forum..Miss Ze. il ask her2 contact u :D

:rotfl:

jst messing sis ;)

Ws

[Gabril]

Originally posted by Ebony
[B]i had a feeling u were female :D

;)

dnt worry..we hve a resident matchmaker on this forum..Miss Ze. il ask her2 contact u :D
Sorry, I don't know. What does "resident matchmaker" mean ?

[Ebony]

a local matchmaker, one who uses this very forum..she'l find u a decent man :D

:p

[Gabril]

Originally posted by Ebony
a local matchmaker, one who uses this very forum..she'l find u a decent man :D

:p
:eek:Oh, no thanks.
No one fits. :D And I'm not looking for someone.

[hen]

I think the Muslim view on marriage is very refreshing. Not like the rest of the world where there is so much cynicism and dislike of marriage. Its good to see people excitied about home building, and child rearing.

[ze leetle elper]

I was watching a news programme the other day (don't quite remember what day :rolleyes: ), and the focus was on a primary school on the outskirts of Greater London-

:rant:

The problem was that, although new housing had been built, facilities made and the area had all the resources, the people moving into the area were single or childless.

:rant:

People are choosing to have children/ get married later on in life, as they want to establish their careers first, or 'make something of themselves', before settling down.

:rant:

Also IMO, contraception has played a large part in this problem. Families now plan exactly how many children they want- science is so advanced they can probably even choose the gender and physical/ mental attributes they wish their child to have.

:rant:

Anyone heard of the case where a couple concieved a second child to save the life of the first one?

:rant: over.

:D

[Shorty]

wel, 4rm wat ive herd, it is half of one's iman 2 get married. obv, thas only if ur physically/mentaly? able to.

im kinda bafd now:confused:

[Ebony]

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.

Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.


The purpose of Marriage.
The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.


Is Marriage obligatory?
According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.

A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.

The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.

He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.


Selection of a partner:
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.

- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.

This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

This is why they often prove successful.


Consent of parties.
There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.


The husband/wife relationship.
-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.


The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.


Obedience.
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.

[Jibreel]

Salam all, and may allahs blessings be upon the believing men and women..

I post you all a question about marriage according to the sunni.

My question concerns a new converted couple, they converted while in a relationship and stopped all to a hualt to seek marriage.

They went to a Iman as advised and where told to wait 3 months from the last sexual intercourse before marriage and that the girl must return after a full absolution to do her shahada together during the marriage ceremony.

Now they accepted the condition but when they asked other muslims around, just about everyone disagreed and said that the 3 months is usualy for a devorce and the couples repentance allready took place the moment they decided to marry.

So with no disrespect to that Iman, or to the couple, i ask if anyone here could verify if this is authentic or if it should be left as the Iman suggested as if maybe its best off cuase of something he knows that we all do not?

Peace

[amal]

Iman should know better, if they have doubts why are not asking other Iman?:scratch:

[Jibreel]

Well they are new converts, they do not know any Imans.

So now what do you think?

[reachin'out]

Assalam alaykum,

Imam. Eeman means belief.

An Imam should no better than the average run of the mill Muslim, but this is not necessarily the case.

Fornication, which they were indulging in before becoming Muslims, is a sin. But all one's previous sins are forgiven when you take shahada, and all the good deeds done for the sake of one's previous religion are doubled.

Perhaps the imam is advising this step to make a clear difference betwwen the couple's former state (of living in sin) with their new state (a halal relationship).

If their previous state is a recognized and certified marriage, then such a clear break would be superfluous, I reckon.

I couldn't find a direct answer at Islam q&a, but these fatwa seem to impinge upon the question.

I understand from them that no iddah is required if the relationship has been exclusive before embracing Islam and they marry at the time they embrace (or before). If the relationship hasn't been exclusive on the woman's part, then only one menstrual cycle is required (to ensure she is not pregnant) or waiting for the delivery of the child (if she is pregnant).

I will check, inshallah, by asking the question direct.

fiancees continuing to live together as a 'common law' couple after embracing Islam (http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=23432&dgn=3)

the iddah of a new Muslim (http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=10426&dgn=4)

on marrying your Christian girlfriend after embracing Islam (http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=749&dgn=4)

on marrying someone with whom you have fornicated (http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=649&dgn=4)