Polygyny, for or against?

[kaphirgoyim]

Simple poll :)

[kaphirgoyim]

MODERATORS, PLEASE DO NOT DISCLOSE THE VOTERS ON THIS POLL, THANKS :).

[AbuMubarak]

not a good one kaph

Allah has permitted it, thats all that needs to be said

[Salahudin]

isn't there a poll forum?

[Raven]

Why would a guy be against it?

[kaphirgoyim]

Allah has permitted it, yes. That doesn't mean it needs to be applied to everyone, right? That's why I stipulated, for yourself as opposed to in general. I know that all (or most) Muslims are compulsed (if that is the right word) to accept it as part of the culture. There is no law (I am aware of) that requires it.

I just wondered what my brothers and sisters in humanity would choose on the matter.

Wasalaam, Kaph

[kaphirgoyim]

>>Why would a guy be against it?<<

Instilled Monogamous morals?

You never been married have you?

You want two of those? JUST KIDDING!

[Raven]

Nope, never married. Just a few long term monogamous relationships.

I can see an advantage to having multiple spouses, however.

[Salahudin]

there are reason why polygyny is allowed in Islam. It must be something that benefits the society or else it would have been forbiden. few weeks ago I was watching somewhere that they were saying, men will be extinct in the future and only women will remain.

now it is true that the west likes to generalize everything when they are facing a problem. I wouldn't be suprised if that happened to the western countries. women have always been greater in number than men, but in some countries this problem is greater. for example it is no wonder that countries without polygyny have larger number of homosexuals and low birth-rate. for example the population number of egypt doupled in the last 50 years while that of france stayed the same.

the love you see in hollywood or bollywood is different than true love. I believe love is an action more than a feeling. these feelings come from actions taken by those who decided to share their lives and become companions. you love someone by doing that which pleases him/her, helping them, listening to them, understanding them loving them.

['Inayah']

Originally posted by AbuMubarak
not a good one kaph

Allah has permitted it, thats all that needs to be said

:up:

I used to have difficulties understanding how polygamy could work ... that was pre-marriage and also early years of it ... now alhamdulillah I have grown in imaan and maturity ... and actually have no problems with it ... I've even said to my hubby if he wants to take on another wife that it's cool wid me ... but he feels he has enuff to deal with with me!:D

[qaatil]

halal full stop

[kaphirgoyim]

>>I used to have difficulties understanding how polygamy could work ... that was pre-marriage and also early years of it ... now alhamdulillah I have grown in imaan and maturity ... and actually have no problems with it ... I've even said to my hubby if he wants to take on another wife that it's cool wid me ... but he feels he has enuff to deal with with me!<<

Ah, but you discussed it with him, didn't you? :)

qaatil, do you like beets? Spinach?

[muawiyah]

love polygamy, support it and promote it very strongly. It is a beautiful system full of blessings and goodness to the society. I wish some people be a bit more open minded about this tradition for truely if applied correctly, it a would be a very wonderful thing! Believe it or not.:D

[Salahudin]

note:

can those who voted against please state their reason why!

we don't want people pretending to be someone they aren't. ;)

thanks

[AhmedSyed]

Originally posted by Salahudin
there are reason why polygyny is allowed in Islam. It must be something that benefits the society or else it would have been forbiden. few weeks ago I was watching somewhere that they were saying, men will be extinct in the future and only women will remain.

now it is true that the west likes to generalize everything when they are facing a problem. I wouldn't be suprised if that happened to the western countries. women have always been greater in number than men, but in some countries this problem is greater. for example it is no wonder that countries without polygyny have larger number of homosexuals and low birth-rate. for example the population number of egypt doupled in the last 50 years while that of france stayed the same.

the love you see in hollywood or bollywood is different than true love. I believe love is an action more than a feeling. these feelings come from actions taken by those who decided to share their lives and become companions. you love someone by doing that which pleases him/her, helping them, listening to them, understanding them loving them.

True brother.

The reason that Egypt's population has gone up so fast is because it has undergone socio-economic changes in the last 50 years. Third world countries have a high birth rate. France on the other had has prospered and its numbers remain the same since there are as much elderly as young.

Just my $.02

[Syph]

Originally posted by AhmedSyed
True brother.

The reason that Egypt's population has gone up so fast is because it has undergone socio-economic changes in the last 50 years. Third world countries have a high birth rate. France on the other had has prospered and its numbers remain the same since there are as much elderly as young.

Just my $.02

3rd world countries have generally always had higher birth rates and in turn faster population growths because people have kids so that they can work for their parents later on and also because not as many children survive in 3rd world countries. In the civilized world we have birth control, condoms, etc. Which is why birth rates are down.

[Jaserah]

muslim female and male have voted against polygamy. how can u be AGAINST something that Allah has made HALAL???? even if you don't like it, doesn't mean you have to be against it. Allah gave us a perfect system, now how can u be against perfection, or Allah for that matter???i didn't really like it at first, but i had to ask Allah for a deeper understanding of the deen, and as i grew in faith, i grew in understanding. but i would not have been against it, even when i did not understand it. had the poll read...
A person who submits to the will of Allah, against something Allah has made halal.......... would u still have voted against???
just trying to make a point here.

ok, well inshAllah, it wasn't "really" muslims that voted that way

[outlandish]

well it is one of Allah's laws, so u cant say I am against or for it, but since its not a must, therefore means I dont have to experience it,I accept all of Allah's laws alhamduillah their beaitufull, but muslims these days sorry very far from the real teachings. I have lots of reasons not to want or experience it, dont think ppl would like it if I mention it here:p

['Inayah']

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
>>I used to have difficulties understanding how polygamy could work ... that was pre-marriage and also early years of it ... now alhamdulillah I have grown in imaan and maturity ... and actually have no problems with it ... I've even said to my hubby if he wants to take on another wife that it's cool wid me ... but he feels he has enuff to deal with with me!<<

Ah, but you discussed it with him, didn't you? :)

Errrr ... yes ... and?:scratch:

[seven]

i heard, in some south american countries, like venezuela, the ratio of women to men is 20:1 :eek: some countries it's even higher! :eek: :eek: i think it's due to the civil war

I've heard stories like once a women there is 30, she's on a tightrope.... her husband/bf could get rid of her in a instant opting for a younger wife... that is why the women there work their butts off to provide for their man, so he'd keep her!

[sajid]

Originally posted by AbuMubarak
not a good one kaph

Allah has permitted it, thats all that needs to be said
Personal reasons i guess

[abdulhakeem]

outing myself:

i have voted PRO-Polygamy.

although personally i think it should be hard enuff to "domesticate" even ONE woman. ;)

however, never say never. Allahu a'lam.

[Consider]

Muslimah, 100% for polygamy

Firstly and lastly, because Allaah permits it.

Wont speak on behalf of men, but some prefer one wife, some would like more than one. So if you want to have more than one wife, so be it, as long as you feel you can be just and fulfil the obligations set upon you.

If you say that western men prefer a monogamous relationship, then I say prove that to me. If you mean a monogamous marriage I will say, a monogamous marriage is certainly preferred generally, but many will still have affairs/girlfriends/mistresses/flings or whatever on the side.

So all in all, this is not an entirely accurate stereotype.

A Muslim woman may not entirely like the idea of being in a polygamous relationship, but then she has to consider that her husband is not entirely hers and is but another servant of Allaah, and their goal in this life is not this life but the next.

If you chug along life living entirely for this life, then you have some serious thinking to do!

Nowadays, where so many Muslim men have been killed in places like Chechnya, Kashmir etc. etc. I am afraid the remaining men are not fulfilling their Islaamic responsibility about providing for those women who have been widowed by marrying them. It is about time they too reconsider their position and obligations. It is an even greater responsibility for them to commit themselves to marrying more than one woman in this case.

But they too are lost in this world.

[.: Anna :.]

Allah permitted it so I can never say I am against it. To say that is basically to claim that you know better than Allah (a stupid claim)
He made it halal & there are benefits to it aswell. Whether I would be happy being not the only wife, well I honestly don't know. I'm not thinking of getting married yet anyway... but I dont think you could say that having more than wife in the marriage will necessarily make it either a better or worse marriage, there are more variables than just that.

[AbuNajm]

my wife actually made me promise not to take another wife when we married.

she took shahadah the same day that we had nikah...

almost 3 years later, she has told me repeatedly that she understands now, and would still be jealous, but would allow me.

just not in Mexico, LOL- for sure we would be burned at the stake!

[cruiser]

what a meat pitch.

[kaphirgoyim]

>>muslim female and male have voted against polygamy. how can u be AGAINST something that Allah has made HALAL????<<

Do you like Brussel Sprouts?

The question isn't whether you SUPPORT it, or ACCEPT it. Rather, it is would you CHOOSE it?

[kaphirgoyim]

AGAIN, THE POLL IS WHETHER YOU WOULD PERSUE A POLYGYNOUS RELATIONSHIP FOR YOURSELF IF IT WAS POSSIBLE!

Personally, I voted yes. Why not?

[baba]

Miaow.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by cruiser
what a meat pitch.

What is wrong with Abu Najm's comments in this thread according to you? I dont see anything objectional.

[Consider]

I embraced Islam in my mid thirties. I had what most single independent minded "modern" women aspire for. My career, my own apartment, control of my own life, Ha! little did I know, in my early ventures into the local culture, what was to transpire. I say local, as by pure serendipity, (Allah Knows Best) I had landed up in the Arabian Gulf, a refugee really having being evacuated, so to speak, out of Iran in the 1978 Revolution. Naively I came expecting to stay a week or so and have never left. Twenty one years on I can truly say that Allah, Subhanana wa Ta'ala has his plan.

I didn't take to the expat lifestyle here, my parents, who had arrived two years previously, were considered a little eccentric, my father loved nothing better than to sit down with one of his arab friends and talk for hours over endless cups of suliemani tea. My family and I were round pegs in square holes! Having really been something of a nonconformist all my life I had no problems mingling with the local ladies and in fact what started as intellectual curiosity grew into a strange awakening. I began to see that I was more comfortable with these moral, traditional, even anachronistic but straight speaking and yet warm, generous hearted folk, and began to wonder why. The answer was that they were living Islam. Islam was the key.

I started to ask myself serious questions about my expectations of life, my hopes, my goals. A more spiritual intensity was aroused. I began to pray, my own way. I had never been a member of any church oriented religious group, despite being sent to Sunday School as a child (I had defied them all and stubbornly refused to recite the Lords Prayer, and been cast out). I began to read Qur'an, to read anything on Islam really. I asked many questions, and was surprised to find that none of the answers were other than natural. I realized that perhaps I had always had an Islamic mentality although surpressed. (Fitra, SubHanAllah)) An astounding revelation to someone who thought she really knew herself and her abilities! This was the beginning of my submission to Islam.

Along this journey I was privileged to meet and have the support of several true and devoted women, whose influence had great impact on me. I was encouraged to search and guided into the True Path, that of Qur'an and Sunnah. I began praying according to the Sunnah and, had made the transition out of my inappropriate Sales career into quieter more conducive employment, which didn't compromise my beliefs.

I was still studying and learning. I led a less hectic lifestyle with more peace and security than I had ever known. All along my Sisters in Islam were gently chiding me about not being married. I wasn't ready. I thought, oh so selfishly. They were searching and suggesting suitable partners. After about two years, and finally achieving a level of acceptance that I could not progress further without "completing my Deen", I agreed to see a few Brothers. To be a western revert here is something similar to being "flavor of the month".

There were offers, but I had to be so sure, Estaghfirullah, I had a list of conditions....... (Cobwebs from the days of Jahailliyya). My first condition was not to share my husband!!! Estaghfirullah. There had been one brother who through intermediaries had sent inquiries. I wouldn't consider him, he was already married with 6 children, not western educated, I was sure he wouldn't have anytime to share, and would definitely not understand our differences, oh how superficial I was.

Not deterred in the slightest he quietly returned , and inquired several times over the year. Finally, a little irritated and very arrogant, I deigned to allow an audience,( Estaghfirullah) with chaperones, to get him out of my hair for once and for all. We met and I proceeded to set my conditions. He smiled. I inquired as to his wife's opinion on his taking another wife. He smiled. I asked about his children's opinion. He smiled. I was infuriated but tantalized. Why wasn't this going the way I planned (Note the arrogance here, cobwebs again... Allah (Azawajal's) Plan is far superior).

His wife was aware and wished to meet me, his children were excited. I could be myself, a western revert, he didn't expect me to adopt arab ways. (A problem often encountered by others). I could find no logical reason to reject him. I was outdone! (Allah's (Azawajal's) Plan, again) Confused I prayed Istikharah, again and again. The next day I woke very early and prayed Tahajjud, a feeling of calm flowed over me, I wasn't afraid, I wasn't anxious, I was at peace, Al Hamdulillah, MaaSh'Allah. We met two days later and I had no more questions.

My father, on the other hand, was hyperventilating! He requested a meeting. It was set up. They talked. My husband smiled. My father dissolved. He too could only say that he couldn't see anything untoward but was still aghast when I said we were to sign our contract the next day. My father tremulously attended the Nikah as a witness( in addition to the two muslim witnesses and the Qazi who was my Wali/Wakil) this in itself was an act of diplomacy and good Dawah that my father never forgot. I am happy to say that since then my father, step-mother and younger brother have all, MaaSh'Allah Tabarak Allah embraced Islam.

The first thing we did was to visit my co-wife a quiet lady of great generosity, with whom, to this day, I have never had any confrontation, Al Hamdulillah, MaaSh'Allah. Those early days were an examination in many ways, a lot of adjusting to marriage and each other, but here, after twelve years, I can say truly, that I would rather have my situation, (married to this man; who's family is the center of his life, who's Taqwa is ever increasing MaaSh'allah, who guides and supports me in my striving to grow and be the best Muslima, wife and mother that I can be, who indulges my incorrigible tendency to drift back to my old mentality (independence, self-reliance, and more than a touch of opinionation die hard), and who has been there for me and with me through the most special and precious times of my life) than any other. MaaSh'Allah Tabarak Allah.

In all our affairs we always return to the Qur'an and Sunnah if there are differences, Al Hamdulillah. My husband tries his best to be patient and kind with me, he is a good and responsible husband, provider and father to our two daughters. MaaSh'Allah TabarakAllah. Our marriage continues to grow and our relationship deepens, we have had many trials, Al Hamdulillah, but his having another wife and other children has not hampered his efforts to be the best he can be for all of us. MaaSh'allah Tabarak Allah. We live in one compound , now in two villas, our children, all nine, MaaSh'Allah roam from one house to the other freely. We, my co-wife and I, go out shopping and visiting together. We entertain as one family unit, my husband always smiles and invites our guests to enjoy our food, as "East meeting West"!

And that's exactly what we have, with a firm foundation in Islam, Al Hamdulillah, which has no nationality or race, MaaSh'Allah. Which supersedes our Nafs, which doesn't condemn our human weaknesses, but recognizes and encourages us to overcome them. As Always Allahu Alem.

Allahumma inna na'udhu bika min 'ilman la yanfa'u wa qalbin la yakhsha'u, wa nafsin la tasha'u wa du'a la yusma'u

("I seek refuge in You from knowledge that does not benefit, from a heart that is not humbled, from a du'a that is not answered, and from a soul that is not satisfied", Aameen)

Taken from Muslimah Inspirations.

[Raven]

Given the choice of only being able to have intercourse with one partner vs. having intercourse with multiple partners (simultaneously or not simultaneously), what guy is going to choose just one partner?

[.: Anna :.]

masha allah consider :D

[Consider]

no, thats not me - I got that off another forum

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Consider
no, thats not me - I got that off another forum oh i did wonder that cuz of the "Taken from Muslimah Inspirations" but still masha allah, its a really nice story :) :)

[Justcurious]

You should have asked non-Muslim married and non-married males separately. Yes, it might be fun for both, and you Muslims have realized this before, haven't you? But seriously this is one of those things where I believe women should have a say as well. Muslims may justifiably think differently, but in other cultures both sexes may have a say. Good question though.

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Raven
....with multiple partners (simultaneously....

is that halal?!?! :eek: :confused:

[Raven]

I have no idea, but my first guess is that it would not be halal.

I'm just saying if you give a guy a choice, don't be surprised what he chooses -- MORE.

Chocolate...more.
Money....more.
Women...more.

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Raven
I have no idea, but my first guess is that it would not be halal.

I'm just saying if you give a guy a choice, don't be surprised what he chooses -- MORE.

Chocolate...more.
Money....more.
Women...more. yeah....i didnt think it sounded halal. jus checkin

[Consider]

The ruling on plural marriage and the wisdom behind it (http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=14022&dgn=4)

[kaphirgoyim]

Robert Heinlen's vision of an open marriage is discussed in some of his books. Basically, marriage is a contract that anyone can co-opt into or out of at any time.

[Naida]

Muslim woman here, 101% for Polygamy because the Creator of humankind has decreed it, and our Creator knows us best and knows what is best for us.

Besides, nobody can understand a wife like her co-wife.

[Raven]

Originally posted by anna2000uk
yeah....i didnt think it sounded halal. jus checkin

On second thought, why wouldn't it be considered halal?

A guy is allowed to be married to multiple women simultaneously, so why wouldn't the happy, um, consortium, be allowed to express themselves to each other simultaneously?

[Kaiser]

Well, I voter for it, tho I dont really think I'd need more then one wife, but then again I aint married.

(Btw: Incase I sounded like I was desperate to get married, NOT, I am not interested in)

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Raven
On second thought, why wouldn't it be considered halal?

A guy is allowed to be married to multiple women simultaneously, so why wouldn't the happy, um, consortium, be allowed to express themselves to each other simultaneously?

well it seems a bit gay as far as the wives are concerned :banghead: so i reckon it cant b halal...but can some1 who actually knows one way or the otha jus tell me

[Raven]

Well no one said the women would have to interact with each other.

On that note, I am backing myself out of this thread before I say something that'll get me banned.

[Consider]

Im certain thats not allowed.

Im going to go & find a fatwa...

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Consider
Im certain thats not allowed.

Im going to go & find a fatwa... thank you

[Consider]

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=26265&dgn=4

[.: Anna :.]

Originally posted by Consider
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=26265&dgn=4 jazakallahu khayrun...that is what i would have thought :)

[Consider]

Posts that go into these kind of issues (intimacy between sposes etc.) should really be kept in the brothers or sisters forums.

If the mods think that that is more appropriate, they can move this bit of the thread it to the brothers section, insha'Allaah.

[Peace]

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
Simple poll :)

Can't vote as none of the options reflect my view, which is;

Believe Monogomy should be the norm but that polygyny is allowed.

[kaphirgoyim]

>>Believe Monogomy should be the norm but that polygyny is allowed.<<

So you would prefer a monogamous relationship for yourself then?

Consider, they should take the intimate parts out and merge them into new thread in the Brothers forum. I can't get there (yet).

[Consider]

Kaph,

You should be allowed in the brothers section - non-Muslim women are allowed in the sisters section

[Peace]

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
So you would prefer a monogamous relationship for yourself then?

Yes, but I can't vote that I'm "Against" polygyny coz I'm not - nor can I vote I am for polygyny coz it sounds like I think that should be the norm - which I don't :D

AFAIC the correct Islamic position is that Monogomy is the norm and Polygyny is allowed but is the exception

Hassan

[Consider]

You phrase that in a very odd way Hassan

It is your choice whether you choose to practice it or not, and I believe it is generally true that many Muslim men are in monogamous relations simply because they choose to do so

But thats nothing to do with whether it should be the exception or not

You almost sound contradictory - Islaam has not made it an excpeption, it has made it permissable

[Peace]

Originally posted by Consider
You phrase that in a very odd way Hassan

It is your choice whether you choose to practice it or not, and I believe it is generally true that many Muslim men are in monogamous relations simply because they choose to do so

But thats nothing to do with whether it should be the exception or not

You almost sound contradictory - Islaam has not made it an excpeption, it has made it permissable

Islam did not invent polygyny it was a practice that Islam allowed but set limits and conditions. The Qur'an says if you fear you cannot treat them fairly then you should have only ONE wife.

Many scholars will tell you that in MOST cases having one wife is the preferred option, while in a MINORITY of situations having more than one wife would be the preferred option.

So as I say Monogomy is the norm and polygyny is the exception. There's no contradiction there.

Hassan

[kaphirgoyim]

>>Yes, but I can't vote that I'm "Against" polygyny coz I'm not - nor can I vote I am for polygyny coz it sounds like I think that should be the norm - which I don't <<

The question- For or against polygyny (two or more females for one male in marriage) FOR YOURSELF?

:)

[Peace]

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
two or more females for one male in marriage) FOR YOURSELF?

:)

Can I have that with Fries?

Nah... not for myself... OK, I'll vote :D

Hassan

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by Consider
I embraced Islam in my mid thirties. I had what most single independent minded "modern" women aspire for. My career, my own apartment, control of my own life, Ha! little did I know, in my early ventures into the local culture, what was to transpire. I say local, as by pure serendipity, (Allah Knows Best) I had landed up in the Arabian Gulf, a refugee really having being evacuated, so to speak, out of Iran in the 1978 Revolution. Naively I came expecting to stay a week or so and have never left. Twenty one years on I can truly say that Allah, Subhanana wa Ta'ala has his plan.

I didn't take to the expat lifestyle here, my parents, who had arrived two years previously, were considered a little eccentric, my father loved nothing better than to sit down with one of his arab friends and talk for hours over endless cups of suliemani tea. My family and I were round pegs in square holes! Having really been something of a nonconformist all my life I had no problems mingling with the local ladies and in fact what started as intellectual curiosity grew into a strange awakening. I began to see that I was more comfortable with these moral, traditional, even anachronistic but straight speaking and yet warm, generous hearted folk, and began to wonder why. The answer was that they were living Islam. Islam was the key.

I started to ask myself serious questions about my expectations of life, my hopes, my goals. A more spiritual intensity was aroused. I began to pray, my own way. I had never been a member of any church oriented religious group, despite being sent to Sunday School as a child (I had defied them all and stubbornly refused to recite the Lords Prayer, and been cast out). I began to read Qur'an, to read anything on Islam really. I asked many questions, and was surprised to find that none of the answers were other than natural. I realized that perhaps I had always had an Islamic mentality although surpressed. (Fitra, SubHanAllah)) An astounding revelation to someone who thought she really knew herself and her abilities! This was the beginning of my submission to Islam.

Along this journey I was privileged to meet and have the support of several true and devoted women, whose influence had great impact on me. I was encouraged to search and guided into the True Path, that of Qur'an and Sunnah. I began praying according to the Sunnah and, had made the transition out of my inappropriate Sales career into quieter more conducive employment, which didn't compromise my beliefs.

I was still studying and learning. I led a less hectic lifestyle with more peace and security than I had ever known. All along my Sisters in Islam were gently chiding me about not being married. I wasn't ready. I thought, oh so selfishly. They were searching and suggesting suitable partners. After about two years, and finally achieving a level of acceptance that I could not progress further without "completing my Deen", I agreed to see a few Brothers. To be a western revert here is something similar to being "flavor of the month".

There were offers, but I had to be so sure, Estaghfirullah, I had a list of conditions....... (Cobwebs from the days of Jahailliyya). My first condition was not to share my husband!!! Estaghfirullah. There had been one brother who through intermediaries had sent inquiries. I wouldn't consider him, he was already married with 6 children, not western educated, I was sure he wouldn't have anytime to share, and would definitely not understand our differences, oh how superficial I was.

Not deterred in the slightest he quietly returned , and inquired several times over the year. Finally, a little irritated and very arrogant, I deigned to allow an audience,( Estaghfirullah) with chaperones, to get him out of my hair for once and for all. We met and I proceeded to set my conditions. He smiled. I inquired as to his wife's opinion on his taking another wife. He smiled. I asked about his children's opinion. He smiled. I was infuriated but tantalized. Why wasn't this going the way I planned (Note the arrogance here, cobwebs again... Allah (Azawajal's) Plan is far superior).

His wife was aware and wished to meet me, his children were excited. I could be myself, a western revert, he didn't expect me to adopt arab ways. (A problem often encountered by others). I could find no logical reason to reject him. I was outdone! (Allah's (Azawajal's) Plan, again) Confused I prayed Istikharah, again and again. The next day I woke very early and prayed Tahajjud, a feeling of calm flowed over me, I wasn't afraid, I wasn't anxious, I was at peace, Al Hamdulillah, MaaSh'Allah. We met two days later and I had no more questions.

My father, on the other hand, was hyperventilating! He requested a meeting. It was set up. They talked. My husband smiled. My father dissolved. He too could only say that he couldn't see anything untoward but was still aghast when I said we were to sign our contract the next day. My father tremulously attended the Nikah as a witness( in addition to the two muslim witnesses and the Qazi who was my Wali/Wakil) this in itself was an act of diplomacy and good Dawah that my father never forgot. I am happy to say that since then my father, step-mother and younger brother have all, MaaSh'Allah Tabarak Allah embraced Islam.

The first thing we did was to visit my co-wife a quiet lady of great generosity, with whom, to this day, I have never had any confrontation, Al Hamdulillah, MaaSh'Allah. Those early days were an examination in many ways, a lot of adjusting to marriage and each other, but here, after twelve years, I can say truly, that I would rather have my situation, (married to this man; who's family is the center of his life, who's Taqwa is ever increasing MaaSh'allah, who guides and supports me in my striving to grow and be the best Muslima, wife and mother that I can be, who indulges my incorrigible tendency to drift back to my old mentality (independence, self-reliance, and more than a touch of opinionation die hard), and who has been there for me and with me through the most special and precious times of my life) than any other. MaaSh'Allah Tabarak Allah.

In all our affairs we always return to the Qur'an and Sunnah if there are differences, Al Hamdulillah. My husband tries his best to be patient and kind with me, he is a good and responsible husband, provider and father to our two daughters. MaaSh'Allah TabarakAllah. Our marriage continues to grow and our relationship deepens, we have had many trials, Al Hamdulillah, but his having another wife and other children has not hampered his efforts to be the best he can be for all of us. MaaSh'allah Tabarak Allah. We live in one compound , now in two villas, our children, all nine, MaaSh'Allah roam from one house to the other freely. We, my co-wife and I, go out shopping and visiting together. We entertain as one family unit, my husband always smiles and invites our guests to enjoy our food, as "East meeting West"!

And that's exactly what we have, with a firm foundation in Islam, Al Hamdulillah, which has no nationality or race, MaaSh'Allah. Which supersedes our Nafs, which doesn't condemn our human weaknesses, but recognizes and encourages us to overcome them. As Always Allahu Alem.

Allahumma inna na'udhu bika min 'ilman la yanfa'u wa qalbin la yakhsha'u, wa nafsin la tasha'u wa du'a la yusma'u

("I seek refuge in You from knowledge that does not benefit, from a heart that is not humbled, from a du'a that is not answered, and from a soul that is not satisfied", Aameen)

Taken from Muslimah Inspirations.

Subhanalla the best post ive ever read on this board. Mashallah !may Allah bless you sister and your efforts. Truely those who have real faith/emaan and passion for this deen would find a polygamous marriage to be one of the beautiful aspects in the society. It is indeed beautiful and wonderful. I hope if more of our sisters or even brothers think as sister Consider and other sisters on this board, then inshallah they will find the total opposite of what they believed about the polygamous marriage initially

[Justcurious]

Originally posted by Naida
Muslim woman here, 101% for Polygamy because the Creator of humankind has decreed it, and our Creator knows us best and knows what is best for us.

Besides, nobody can understand a wife like her co-wife.

I'm tempted to think of a countryside. There was often one bull and neighbours brought their cows for semination. The system worked well!

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by Justcurious
I'm tempted to think of a countryside. There was often one bull and neighbours brought their cows for semination. The system worked well!

That was not a modest parable.

[Justcurious]

Originally posted by muawiyah
That was not a modest parable.

A matter of practice, as simple as that.

[Naida]

Originally posted by Justcurious
I'm tempted to think of a countryside. There was often one bull and neighbours brought their cows for semination. The system worked well!

Hey if you like comparing the human relationship to that of animals, be my guest. Actually, it is what society has made of it today so I'm not surprised that's how you view it.

But Islam is different. Islam is beautiful. I'm sorry you can't see that and instead choose to mock it. And I'm also very sorry that you view the human relationship as something so primitive. May Allah guide you inshaAllah.

[Raven]

So, let's play a little numbers game.

Say there are 10 women, 10 men. Five of the men take two women for brides, so there's five single men.

Now what?

[Naida]

The thing is Raven, there are much more women in the world today, and the ratio of men and women will contine to increase for the female gender. This is a fact.

Therefore you won't have 10 men and 10 women anywhere.

[AhmedSyed]

Originally posted by Naida
The thing is Raven, there are much more women in the world today, and the ratio of men and women will contine to increase for the female gender. This is a fact.

Therefore you won't have 10 men and 10 women anywhere.

Very true. Especially in third world countries, sometimes u'll find 3:1 ratio of women to men. :eek:

[abdulhakeem]

for or against:

[Raven]

Originally posted by Naida
The thing is Raven, there are much more women in the world today, and the ratio of men and women will contine to increase for the female gender. This is a fact.

Therefore you won't have 10 men and 10 women anywhere.

Okay, could you please show me something to back that up? Last I knew it was something like 52% to 48%, but nothing too varied.

[dour]

Originally posted by Raven
Given the choice of only being able to have intercourse with one partner vs. having intercourse with multiple partners (simultaneously or not simultaneously), what guy is going to choose just one partner?

I would, and to be honest most of the world since pologamy is illegal in most of the world.

Just becuse you can do somthing does not mean you have to do somthing nor should.

[outlandish]

Originally posted by muawiyah
Truely those who have real faith/emaan and passion for this deen would find a polygamous marriage to be one of the beautiful aspects in the society. It is indeed beautiful and wonderful. I hope if more of our sisters or even brothers think as sister Consider and other sisters on this board, then inshallah they will find the total opposite of what they believed about the polygamous marriage initially
Polygamy is not a must, it would be great if muslims for once tried making it look like a must, it has its plus points,but it also has its negatives, isnt this changing Allah's law as well, trying to make something which aint a must ,a must?
And oh so those whom dont wanna practise it, their weak in imaan?sure:rolleyes:

Very strange I find, when the discussion is about jihaad, u see muslims coming up with all kinds of excuses for not to go,they happen not to see that even women are into jihaad now,saying I have this problem, or it aint directly my duty, while jihaad is clearly a must in the Quran, and when u talk about polygamy they try their level best to make it look like its a must to have 4 wifes, and also happen to ignore where Allah said about how they will be able to treat fairly between them..
Bunch of...
:rolleyes:
And no I dont mean u muay

[Justcurious]

Originally posted by Naida
The thing is Raven, there are much more women in the world today, and the ratio of men and women will contine to increase for the female gender. This is a fact.

Therefore you won't have 10 men and 10 women anywhere.

Well, in India and China there are more men than women - the ratio is about 10:9 -, because parents even kill their baby daughters.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by outlandish
Polygamy is not a must, it would be great if muslims for once tried making it look like a must, it has its plus points,but it also has its negatives, isnt this changing Allah's law as well, trying to make something which aint a must ,a must?
And oh so those whom dont wanna practise it, their weak in imaan?sure:rolleyes:

Very strange I find, when the discussion is about jihaad, u see muslims coming up with all kinds of excuses for not to go,they happen not to see that even women are into jihaad now,saying I have this problem, or it aint directly my duty, while jihaad is clearly a must in the Quran, and when u talk about polygamy they try their level best to make it look like its a must to have 4 wifes, and also happen to ignore where Allah said about how they will be able to treat fairly between them..
Bunch of...
:rolleyes:
And no I dont mean u muay

Bro I never said it is must. The Islamic position with regards to it is "mubah" which means it is allowed but not obligatory. However there are some people who regard polygamy to be forbidden, or are extremely critical of it or try hard to oppose it under different pretixs and my message was actually meant to them.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by Justcurious
Well, in India and China there are more men than women - the ratio is about 10:9 -, because parents even kill their baby daughters.

But still women have higher life expectancies than men, so still the ratio is flexible as times can come when women population is slightly higher than men.

[kaphirgoyim]

>>Bro I never said it is must. The Islamic position with regards to it is "mubah" which means it is allowed but not obligatory. However there are some people who regard polygamy to be forbidden, or are extremely critical of it or try hard to oppose it under different pretixs and my message was actually meant to them.<<

Is 'Mubah' much different than 'halal' and why? Thanks muawiyah :).

[cruiser]

Originally posted by muawiyah
What is wrong with Abu Najm's comments in this thread according to you? I dont see anything objectional. In this thread ? Absolutely nothing, other than saying he would be burned at the stake for being polygamous. A meat pitch is when a baseball pitcher throws a ball into the home run zone. The meat pitch, in this case was the opportunity to say something along the lines of " I'll cheerfully gather the wood."

[muawiyah]

Halal means lawful or one is allowed to do it
Haraam means forbidden or prohibited,
Makruh means disliked but still lawful.

the rulings on things are of 5 kinds:

Wajib , Mandub/Mustahab, Mubah , Makruh, Haram

Wajib are things that are obligatory to do, leaving them is Haram and is sinful.

Mandub/Mustahab are things that are recommended to be done, doing them is good/virtous and there is no haram in not doing it. It other words not doing it is not unlawful and incurs no sin.

Mubah are aspects that have neutrality meaning that they are allowable but not haram. You neither get a sin nor a virtue for doing it.

Makruh are things that are disliked to be done. it is halal if you do them and if you dont do them then you will earn a virtue for it. If you do it you wont incur sin.

Haram are things that are totally forbidden. Doing them is sinful and leaving them or staying away from them is virtue.

Wajib, Mandub, Mubah and Makruh come under the category of being Halal , [with Wajib being the strongest and must that is to be done], and are different kinds of Halal. whereas the ruling Haram is only Haram.

Hope this clarifies it. If not feel 1000 times free to ask

[kaphirgoyim]

>>Halal means lawful or one is allowed to do it
Haraam means forbidden or prohibited,
Makruh means disliked but still lawful.<<

So then the question is, qatiil and AbuMubarak, they said Polygyny was HALAL and therefore choice was undebatable (in effect). Are they mistaken? *(You need not answer, let them)

Thanks again,
Kaph

[Justcurious]

Originally posted by muawiyah
But still women have higher life expectancies than men, so still the ratio is flexible as times can come when women population is slightly higher than men.

True, but women at the age of seventy or eighty are not that fertile any more!

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by Justcurious
True, but women at the age of seventy or eighty are not that fertile any more!
marriage is not just about maintaining human existence, it covers many more aspects.

[ClashCityRocker]

i voted against polygamy

[qaatil]

any muslim who disagrees with the permissability of polygamy or in any way doest accept it as being halal is murtad

[abdulhakeem]

Most Common Questions asked by Non-Muslims

POLYGAMY

Question:

Why is a man allowed to have more than one wife in Islam? i.e. why is polygamy allowed in Islam?

Definition of Polygamy

1. Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.

Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?


2. The Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says,"marry only one".


The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.

Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.

In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.

Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (95% C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.


3. Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims


The report of the ‘Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam’, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.

Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.


4. Qur’an permits limited polygyny


As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an:

"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."

[Al-Qur’an 4:3]

Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.

In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:

"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...."

[Al-Qur’an 4:129]

Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.

Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:

i. ‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory

ii. ‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged

iii. ‘Mubah’ i.e. permissible or allowed

iv. ‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged

v. ‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden

Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.


5. Average life span of females is more than that of males


By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.

During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.


6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide


India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.

7. World female population is more than male population


In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.

8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical


Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.

Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. There is no other option. All those who are modest will opt for the first.

In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.

There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.

http://www.irf.net/irf/dtp/dawah_tech/mcqnm1.htm

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by abdulhakeem
Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property.

What happened to the "option" of remaining celibate? :rolleyes:

There is no other option.

See above.

All those who are modest will opt for the first.


See above.

:banghead:

[abdulhakeem]

Originally posted by rajii
What happened to the "option" of remaining celibate? :rolleyes:



See above.



See above.

:banghead: taken out of context - look at the title of the chapter.

it says: Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical

it does not talk about: celibacy.

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by abdulhakeem
taken out of context - look at the title of the chapter.

it says: Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical

it does not talk about: celibacy.

It should.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by ClashCityRocker
i voted against polygamy

fear God and repent immediately. making lawful what God has made unlawful and prohibiting or opposing what God has made lawful is an act of Kufr and make the person out of the Islam. Repent and turn to God immediately for this very serious,

[outlandish]

Originally posted by muawiyah
Bro I never said it is must. The Islamic position with regards to it is "mubah" which means it is allowed but not obligatory. However there are some people who regard polygamy to be forbidden, or are extremely critical of it or try hard to oppose it under different pretixs and my message was actually meant to them.
sorry for misunderstanding ur post
my appologies

[outlandish]

Originally posted by qaatil
any muslim who disagrees with the permissability of polygamy or in any way doest accept it as being halal is murtad
everyone knows its permissible, but the voting was wether ppl would want it or not to practise it
and ermm its mubah,the term used to describe polygamy,not exactly halal

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by outlandish
sorry for misunderstanding ur post
my appologies

it is alright dear brother.

[qaatil]

outlandish its sunnah 2 have 4 wives not mubah
its 1 of the emphasised sunnah n nearly all the sahaba had more than 1 wife n evin if 1 says uff with regards 2 hukm 1 is dhallah {misguided}
wa yu sallimooo taslima

[ClashCityRocker]

its not Sunnah to have 4 wives, its just ALLOWED to practice polygamy

Sunnah means to follow the ways of the Prophet Muhammad SAW

he always said its better to have ONE wife and the Quran mentions that too

therefore its better to have ONE wife and not FOUR wives just to satisfy your own selfish desires!

Any man of mine who dares to take a second wife, will be personally castrated by me.

and I mean it.

[cruiser]

Originally posted by ClashCityRocker
its not Sunnah to have 4 wives, its just ALLOWED to practice polygamy

Sunnah means to follow the ways of the Prophet Muhammad SAW

he always said its better to have ONE wife and the Quran mentions that too

therefore its better to have ONE wife and not FOUR wives just to satisfy your own selfish desires!

Any man of mine who dares to take a second wife, will be personally castrated by me.

and I mean it. Gulp, so much for the myth of the subserviant Muslim wife.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by ClashCityRocker
its not Sunnah to have 4 wives, its just ALLOWED to practice polygamy

Sunnah means to follow the ways of the Prophet Muhammad SAW

he always said its better to have ONE wife and the Quran mentions that too

therefore its better to have ONE wife and not FOUR wives just to satisfy your own selfish desires!

Any man of mine who dares to take a second wife, will be personally castrated by me.

and I mean it.
sorry but you dont have the right to disallow your husband to marry another wife if he is just and is financially capable of maintaining a big family.

[cruiser]

I wonder how magnanimous you'd be if it was the other way around. Imagine sharing your wife with four other husbands. Interesting that polygamy seems to be the exclusive realm of the male having multiple wives, I guess that goes with the territory in patriarchal societies.

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by muawiyah
sorry but you dont have the right to disallow your husband to marry another wife if he is just and is financially capable of maintaining a big family.

Any Muslim woman who doesn't want her husband to marry more than herself, would just have that stipulation in the marriage contract.

[kaphirgoyim]

So if I get this, polygyny is-

Strictly up to the man, and the woman has no choice but to accept it?

I thought Islam says that all wives must be treated fairly and equally? What if one wife refuses to share her husband?

[baba]

Correct me if I'm wrong, I believe you can only take a second wife if the first wife says ok?

So anyone who's getting married better put "no opposition to second wife" in the contract :D

[Raven]

Originally posted by ClashCityRocker
its not Sunnah to have 4 wives, its just ALLOWED to practice polygamy

Sunnah means to follow the ways of the Prophet Muhammad SAW

he always said its better to have ONE wife and the Quran mentions that too

therefore its better to have ONE wife and not FOUR wives just to satisfy your own selfish desires!

Any man of mine who dares to take a second wife, will be personally castrated by me.

and I mean it.

Note to CCR's future husband:

Don't even think about it.

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by rajii
Any Muslim woman who doesn't want her husband to marry more than herself, would just have that stipulation in the marriage contract.

From a previous thread:

Islam And The Issue Of Polygyny

http://ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=219545#post219545

originally posted by Daleel:…But I just want to briefly point out the following:

There are many examples where it is permissible for two people to make a contract forbidding the halal ("something that has been granted by Allah") For example, the couple can stipulate many things in the marriage contract, such as they can both agree to not have children or not to move from their location, or a whole list of things they can agree upon in the marriage contract; all halal things that the two people come to an agreement on.

It is also halal not to have polygyny, so obviously this can be stipulated. And here is some proof:

Hadith - Abu Dawud and AI-Hakim on the authority of Abi hurairah, Sahih Al- Jami AI-Sayhir, (No. 6714)

Regarding contracts the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: The rights are decided by the conditions.


Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.6.16

Yahya related to me from Malik that he had heard that Said ibn al-Musayyab was asked about a woman who made a stipulation on her husband not to take her away from her town. Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "He takes her away if he wishes."

Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."


Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Mughni:

“If he married her on the condition that he should not make her move from her house or her city, then this condition is valid, because it was reported that the Prophet said: ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ If he married her on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then she has the right to leave him if he does take another wife.” In conclusion, then, the conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types, one of which must be adhered to, which is of benefit to the wife, such as her being able to stipulate that he cannot make her move from her house or city, or travel with him, or take another wife or a concubine. He has to adhere to these conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul the marriage.” [Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, part 7, Kitaab al-Nikaah]


Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:

“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?

Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.” [al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah].

Scholar Ibn 'Uthaimeen has stated:

It is the right of the woman to make stipulations at the writing of the marriage contract as she wishes and if these stipulations do not contradict Islamic law then the husband must fulfill them. For example, that he not marry a second wife and that if he does to dissolve the first marriage. This is not a problem. However, a new prospective wife cannot stipulate that the first wife be divorced before he marries her. I must say however that a first wife should not make such a stipulation that her husband not marry a second wife. I fear that if a woman makes this stipulation that the husband will, if he desires to marry a second woman, simply divorce the first one straight away [i.e. not even give her consideration] and it would no be to her benefit. Therefore I advise the woman not to make such a stipulation because this may be a manner by which the husband is able to follow a good sunnah.

[qaatil]

u ppl hate polygamy without knowing the hukm of polygamy
firstly quran does not say marry one wife
the ayah says
then marry such women as seem good to you, two, three and four, but if you fear that you may not do justice to them, then (marry) only one" (4: 3).
the first hukm is 2 marry women 2 3 and 4 and the exception 2 the rule is one wife if u cant treat them equally {bcoz of this ayah ibn hazm said it was fard 2 have more than 1 wife}

also the hadith of rasoolAllah saw that shows the different amount of reward that each wife would bring ending with salvation from hell fire for the 4 wive shows that it is a highly recomended and rewardeable sunnah not mubah if u beleive its mubah bring u daleel {or is it jus feminine emotions/??}
sunnah means reward is stipulated n it was practiced by the Prophet saw

[kaphirgoyim]

Why Men Lie:


One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his ax fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his ax has fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."


The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, You would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given all three to me. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives,
so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is:
Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason,
and for the benefit of others.

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason,
and for the benefit of others.

:p

"Oh what a wicked web we weave when first we practice to decieve."

[kaphirgoyim]

(I was tempted to erase the moral :).

[Mary Carol]

Originally posted by kaphirgoyim
(I was tempted to erase the moral :).

Of course you were, for a good and honorable reason,
and for the benefit of others. .

:rotfl:

[qaatil]

Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Look, let's look at the history of great men. Before that, we place a principle: For every principle are exceptions, okay, agree.

1) The Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam married some 13 times, and what I don't understand, what is this 'excuse' that some people are coming out with, the Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam used to live on bread crumbs some times - did that stop him from marrying more than one?

2) The Four righteous khulafaa` from after him: Abu Bakr, 'Umar, 'Uthmaan and 'Ali all married plenty of times, and wasn't it 'Umar who used to have nothing to offer his guests but some bread, flour and a water?!

3) Plenty of the companions, al-Mugheera bin Shu'bah, the great Mujaahid, was said to have broken the virginity of over one hundred women.Wives, and slaves. al-Hasan bin 'Ali married, according to a correct saying, over 200 times. The examples are more than well- known, and I don't need to mention names.

4) Every single ruler - to my knowledge - from Bani Ummayah married more were polygnous. Every single one, wallahu a'lam.

5) In recent times, let's have a look:

Usaamah bin Laaden: Three wives.
Abu Muhammed al-Maqdisi: Two wives.
'Abduraheem at-Tahaan: Four wives.
Ahmad al-Qattaan: Four wives.
Ahmad Shaakir: Two wives.
Shaamil Basayev: Two/Three wives.
'Umar 'Abdurahmaan: Two wives.

This is thinking very quicly, and thinking of BIG names, I'm certain I could find more if I wanted to.

Obviously, there are exceptions: Ayman ath-Thawaahiri, only had one wife, 'alaya rahmatullah. 'Abdullah 'Azzam, only one. I'm not sure about al-Mullah 'Umar, hafithahullah wa nasarah, but I've heard he only has one.

Now a question, and I know most bro's will not respond to it: but would you not like to have more than one wife?

It's mans nature, we want to change, mix, its better, I'll give you an example which I use quite a lot: If I have one cup, and I always use the same cup, one day, it will break, whether I like it or not. There is a high likeliness that it breaks - even if I don't intend. If however I have two, three, or four cups; I can mix, I use this one once, that one once, and so on. Therefore, all of them are preserved and maintained. Put it this way: you have one wife, you see her every single day (which is the case most of the time), eventually, it becomes boring. Can anyone argue? On the other hand, you have two, three or four, you see this one one day, you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. Then you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. So there's always life in the marriage there, there's always excitement, and so on.

Yes, we know women are jealous, women hate their husband to have more than one wife, even the most pious of women, the Messengers wives, split into two parties: the younger wives, and the older wives and they, you could say, declared war on each other.

But no one can question, or deny that this is mens nature whether you like it or not.

PS: (*according to Musalim, best is to have 3 wives at a time* to spend two days of the week at each house, and one day stay SINGLE and save your head from headache of wives, nagging andchildren demands lol)'
Assalamu 'alaykum,

Most of that auntie Umm Khubayb, barakallahu feeki, is tell-tales. I've heard some wonderful stories about how polgynous marriages have worked, and the Salafs history testifies to that - why are we looking at rarities? Why do we want to use rarities as evidence for something?

Correction: Maymoonah was also a virgin, and Safiyyah was too, wallahu a'lam.

Also, another correction: quite a few of the brothers who replied are already married.

I mean, the problem I have, and many people have are these misconceptions and understandings that are in need of correction with regards to polygyny.

Sisters must understand the following:

1) Mens nature = More than one.
2) There doesn't have to be any 'reason' to why he marries more than one - he can simply like women. And this, for your knowledge, is the only reason mentioned in the Qur'aan by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to why the Messenger sallallahu a'alayhi wa salam married more than one - he liked women.
3) This issue of 'provision', Allah is ar-Razaaq, the best of men lived upon bread crumbs, so no one can bring this excuse up. As long as they are fed from what you are fed, clothed from what you are clothed, happy with that, marriage should happen.

Question: You said that the Messengerswives all lived in separate homes, can you provide evidence for that, because it isn't what I know or read, or heard. Jazakillah khayr.

4) They don't have to be widows, they don't have to be infertile, they don't have to be anything. All 2, 3, 4, can be normal wives.

What annoys me, and us men most, are these stupid excuses and attempts to justify sisters deep rooted dislike for polgyny - Islaamically - where do people get all those rules from?

Did we say anything wrong?
Assalamu 'alaykum,

What I meant by tell-tales, is that all that you brought doesn't prove anything. We spoke Qur'aan and Sunnah. I can bring stories like that too showing the wonderfulness of polgynous marriage.

Regarding Safiyyah, you are correct, but I think I put her there because she was a young wife. [note from Sinaan, he in post two said Safiyyah was a virgin, but corrected himself here. I am mentioning this, because this post was a reply, and since the reply is missing from the thread, it doesn't make sense unless clarified.]

I mean, yes, the Messenger kept hiswives in different 'comparments', that's more precise. 'Aisha's room, Umm Khubayb didn't fit them both in for them to pray properly. So my question here: how many sisters would want to live in a room today? Be honest - any? Now, my point is, this 'provision' business people bring along, I honestly don't understand it. Does the man have to be a millionaire or something?

Anyway, I hope you all got my point.

Wassalamu 'alaykum,

Abu Dujanah.
Originally Posted by Ibnu Abee Shaybah
I would also like to bring up the story of Imaam Ahmad, ra7mat Allaahu 3alayhi. He dedicated himself to knowledge and did not have time for a wife.... however, one time he told someone to go to the marketplace to get him a slave girl, and then he added, "and make sure she's fleshy one" (or something to that effect).

Also I believe, that when Imaam Ahmad's first wife died, he married a second wife before they had even done the Janazza on his first wife (much to the shock of his students, etc.).

taken from http://cg.streettv.net/forumdisplay.php?f=2

[muawiyah]

beautiful post by bro Abi Dujanah from CG forums. It sums up everything.

[outlandish]

Originally posted by qaatil
u ppl hate polygamy without knowing the hukm of polygamy
firstly quran does not say marry one wife
the ayah says
then marry such women as seem good to you, two, three and four, but if you fear that you may not do justice to them, then (marry) only one" (4: 3).
the first hukm is 2 marry women 2 3 and 4 and the exception 2 the rule is one wife if u cant treat them equally {bcoz of this ayah ibn hazm said it was fard 2 have more than 1 wife}

also the hadith of rasoolAllah saw that shows the different amount of reward that each wife would bring ending with salvation from hell fire for the 4 wive shows that it is a highly recomended and rewardeable sunnah not mubah if u beleive its mubah bring u daleel {or is it jus feminine emotions/??}
sunnah means reward is stipulated n it was practiced by the Prophet saw
The ayah also talks about men not being able to do justice between them, however much they desire,so I wonder how come dont men fear Allah in this?and always ignore this part?
And also one point, dont try making something a must, which isnt a must, that is wrong as well,or is it just male thing to make something a must which isnt a must for their own desires?
Didnt the prophet have onle wife till Khadija(raz) died, also the same with Ali(raz), he married only after Fatima(raz)died, so if u wanna follow the sunnah marry after ur first wife dies:rolleyes:
Next time write cleary and bring better proof mr

[outlandish]

Originally posted by qaatil
Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Look, let's look at the history of great men. Before that, we place a principle: For every principle are exceptions, okay, agree.

1) The Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam married some 13 times, and what I don't understand, what is this 'excuse' that some people are coming out with, the Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam used to live on bread crumbs some times - did that stop him from marrying more than one?

2) The Four righteous khulafaa` from after him: Abu Bakr, 'Umar, 'Uthmaan and 'Ali all married plenty of times, and wasn't it 'Umar who used to have nothing to offer his guests but some bread, flour and a water?!

3) Plenty of the companions, al-Mugheera bin Shu'bah, the great Mujaahid, was said to have broken the virginity of over one hundred women.Wives, and slaves. al-Hasan bin 'Ali married, according to a correct saying, over 200 times. The examples are more than well- known, and I don't need to mention names.

4) Every single ruler - to my knowledge - from Bani Ummayah married more were polygnous. Every single one, wallahu a'lam.

5) In recent times, let's have a look:

Usaamah bin Laaden: Three wives.
Abu Muhammed al-Maqdisi: Two wives.
'Abduraheem at-Tahaan: Four wives.
Ahmad al-Qattaan: Four wives.
Ahmad Shaakir: Two wives.
Shaamil Basayev: Two/Three wives.
'Umar 'Abdurahmaan: Two wives.

This is thinking very quicly, and thinking of BIG names, I'm certain I could find more if I wanted to.

Obviously, there are exceptions: Ayman ath-Thawaahiri, only had one wife, 'alaya rahmatullah. 'Abdullah 'Azzam, only one. I'm not sure about al-Mullah 'Umar, hafithahullah wa nasarah, but I've heard he only has one.

Now a question, and I know most bro's will not respond to it: but would you not like to have more than one wife?

It's mans nature, we want to change, mix, its better, I'll give you an example which I use quite a lot: If I have one cup, and I always use the same cup, one day, it will break, whether I like it or not. There is a high likeliness that it breaks - even if I don't intend. If however I have two, three, or four cups; I can mix, I use this one once, that one once, and so on. Therefore, all of them are preserved and maintained. Put it this way: you have one wife, you see her every single day (which is the case most of the time), eventually, it becomes boring. Can anyone argue? On the other hand, you have two, three or four, you see this one one day, you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. Then you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. So there's always life in the marriage there, there's always excitement, and so on.

Yes, we know women are jealous, women hate their husband to have more than one wife, even the most pious of women, the Messengers wives, split into two parties: the younger wives, and the older wives and they, you could say, declared war on each other.

But no one can question, or deny that this is mens nature whether you like it or not.

PS: (*according to Musalim, best is to have 3 wives at a time* to spend two days of the week at each house, and one day stay SINGLE and save your head from headache of wives, nagging andchildren demands lol)'
Assalamu 'alaykum,

Most of that auntie Umm Khubayb, barakallahu feeki, is tell-tales. I've heard some wonderful stories about how polgynous marriages have worked, and the Salafs history testifies to that - why are we looking at rarities? Why do we want to use rarities as evidence for something?

Correction: Maymoonah was also a virgin, and Safiyyah was too, wallahu a'lam.

Also, another correction: quite a few of the brothers who replied are already married.

I mean, the problem I have, and many people have are these misconceptions and understandings that are in need of correction with regards to polygyny.

Sisters must understand the following:

1) Mens nature = More than one.
2) There doesn't have to be any 'reason' to why he marries more than one - he can simply like women. And this, for your knowledge, is the only reason mentioned in the Qur'aan by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to why the Messenger sallallahu a'alayhi wa salam married more than one - he liked women.
3) This issue of 'provision', Allah is ar-Razaaq, the best of men lived upon bread crumbs, so no one can bring this excuse up. As long as they are fed from what you are fed, clothed from what you are clothed, happy with that, marriage should happen.

Question: You said that the Messengerswives all lived in separate homes, can you provide evidence for that, because it isn't what I know or read, or heard. Jazakillah khayr.

4) They don't have to be widows, they don't have to be infertile, they don't have to be anything. All 2, 3, 4, can be normal wives.

What annoys me, and us men most, are these stupid excuses and attempts to justify sisters deep rooted dislike for polgyny - Islaamically - where do people get all those rules from?

Did we say anything wrong?
Assalamu 'alaykum,

What I meant by tell-tales, is that all that you brought doesn't prove anything. We spoke Qur'aan and Sunnah. I can bring stories like that too showing the wonderfulness of polgynous marriage.

Regarding Safiyyah, you are correct, but I think I put her there because she was a young wife. [note from Sinaan, he in post two said Safiyyah was a virgin, but corrected himself here. I am mentioning this, because this post was a reply, and since the reply is missing from the thread, it doesn't make sense unless clarified.]

I mean, yes, the Messenger kept hiswives in different 'comparments', that's more precise. 'Aisha's room, Umm Khubayb didn't fit them both in for them to pray properly. So my question here: how many sisters would want to live in a room today? Be honest - any? Now, my point is, this 'provision' business people bring along, I honestly don't understand it. Does the man have to be a millionaire or something?

Anyway, I hope you all got my point.

Wassalamu 'alaykum,

Abu Dujanah.
Originally Posted by Ibnu Abee Shaybah
I would also like to bring up the story of Imaam Ahmad, ra7mat Allaahu 3alayhi. He dedicated himself to knowledge and did not have time for a wife.... however, one time he told someone to go to the marketplace to get him a slave girl, and then he added, "and make sure she's fleshy one" (or something to that effect).

Also I believe, that when Imaam Ahmad's first wife died, he married a second wife before they had even done the Janazza on his first wife (much to the shock of his students, etc.).

taken from http://cg.streettv.net/forumdisplay.php?f=2
A very stupid example of a cup the writer gave,comparing women to that.Having one wife and seeing her regularly becomes boring?astagfurAllah is this what me muslims are?are these
our moralities,are these our commitments?is this what marriage is all about, maybe same for wife too seeing the same guy every day becomes boring for her, so she too should go for another one, no excitement for her either, yeah its women's nature to be jealous, but pathetic examples used sorry to say.......
The prophet had khadija(raz) as only wife till she died, I wonder did he become bored of seeing her daily as well?She was even like 20 years older than the prophet,but he still loved her very much,even after her death,subhanAllah the prophet had such a just and moral character, and see muslims of today the kind of excuses they give and examples they use to describe women and their wifes, so much respect indeed their giving to their wifes
but where does he have the evidence that the wifes dont need to be kept in seperate appartments?Its her right in islam, and the husband has to provide for it if she wants.
And what about this part?
"4) They don't have to be widows, they don't have to be infertile, they don't have to be anything. All 2, 3, 4, can be normal wives."
was it not sunnah the prophet married widows, divorces?Aishah(raz) was the only virgin he married.
This is what really annoys me, where polygamy can help to better the society by providing shelter to widows,orphans and getting them a caretaker, men come up with its not a must to marry such women, end result is widows are always widows, divorces are always divorces and u see them old morons marrying young sometimes even 12 year old girls..
whomsoever wrote this post, ask him does he see his wifes as mere cups:mad: or some mere excitement tools and object used for the pleasure of men

[qaatil]

outlandish read abudjunadas post slowly
the muslims had anywhere up 2 200 wives in their lifetimes
u can marry for beauty its halal {sahih hadith}
we should have more than 1 wife its rewardeable sunnah
the ayah tells us as a general rule to have multiple wives but if we cant maintain em then have 1
the muslims used 2 keep their wives in 1 room n give em bread so treatin em equally is eezy
the only ppl who hate polygamy r the kuffs, the kuff womens lib n homos

[ClashCityRocker]

why, qaatil, you're one vain lad

I myself have encountered women who were forced to accept polygamy in their marriages. I knew a woman whose husband cheated on her by taking a second wife and he claimed it wasn't cheating, just that he didnt 'inform' his 1st wife

Ive known several women who have been emotionally broken and harmed by their selfish husbands who wanted to use polygamy as an excuse to sleep around and to mistreat women

little selfish Muslim men have often forgotten how much women also have sexual desires and needs, how much they have a right over their men, and how their needs come first before their husband's needs in the marriage!

and qaatil, you find that idea of marrying a second wife for beauty so halal?

get a life, go hide yourself in a box and send yourself off to the Man Show and get beaten up by a bunch of blonde bimbos

I'm sure you'd like that

-CCR

[Naida]

Originally posted by qaatil
outlandish read abudjunadas post slowly
the muslims had anywhere up 2 200 wives in their lifetimes

Proof, please.

u can marry for beauty its halal {sahih hadith}

But if you marry a woman for her piety, the other three (beauty, wealth, and prestige) are promised to you.

we should have more than 1 wife its rewardeable sunnah
the ayah tells us as a general rule to have multiple wives but if we cant maintain em then have 1
the muslims used 2 keep their wives in 1 room n give em bread so treatin em equally is eezy

Again, proof. A woman is not a cat or a dog, she needs more than bread. Which Muslims used to keep their wives in one room and give them bread??

And the Qur'an doesn't say "maintain" it says "treat." Big difference there. We're not animals to be maintained, we are human beings who need to be treated well. You're so bent on following the Sunnah - did the Prophet also keep his wives in one room and give them bread??

the only ppl who hate polygamy r the kuffs, the kuff womens lib n homos

Actually I know quite a few non-Muslim women who are not lesbian or homosexual.

[muawiyah]

Originally posted by qaatil
Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Look, let's look at the history of great men. Before that, we place a principle: For every principle are exceptions, okay, agree.

1) The Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam married some 13 times, and what I don't understand, what is this 'excuse' that some people are coming out with, the Messenger, sallallahu 'alayhi wa salam used to live on bread crumbs some times - did that stop him from marrying more than one?

2) The Four righteous khulafaa` from after him: Abu Bakr, 'Umar, 'Uthmaan and 'Ali all married plenty of times, and wasn't it 'Umar who used to have nothing to offer his guests but some bread, flour and a water?!

3) Plenty of the companions, al-Mugheera bin Shu'bah, the great Mujaahid, was said to have broken the virginity of over one hundred women.Wives, and slaves. al-Hasan bin 'Ali married, according to a correct saying, over 200 times. The examples are more than well- known, and I don't need to mention names.

4) Every single ruler - to my knowledge - from Bani Ummayah married more were polygnous. Every single one, wallahu a'lam.

5) In recent times, let's have a look:

Usaamah bin Laaden: Three wives.
Abu Muhammed al-Maqdisi: Two wives.
'Abduraheem at-Tahaan: Four wives.
Ahmad al-Qattaan: Four wives.
Ahmad Shaakir: Two wives.
Shaamil Basayev: Two/Three wives.
'Umar 'Abdurahmaan: Two wives.

This is thinking very quicly, and thinking of BIG names, I'm certain I could find more if I wanted to.

Obviously, there are exceptions: Ayman ath-Thawaahiri, only had one wife, 'alaya rahmatullah. 'Abdullah 'Azzam, only one. I'm not sure about al-Mullah 'Umar, hafithahullah wa nasarah, but I've heard he only has one.

Now a question, and I know most bro's will not respond to it: but would you not like to have more than one wife?

It's mans nature, we want to change, mix, its better, I'll give you an example which I use quite a lot: If I have one cup, and I always use the same cup, one day, it will break, whether I like it or not. There is a high likeliness that it breaks - even if I don't intend. If however I have two, three, or four cups; I can mix, I use this one once, that one once, and so on. Therefore, all of them are preserved and maintained. Put it this way: you have one wife, you see her every single day (which is the case most of the time), eventually, it becomes boring. Can anyone argue? On the other hand, you have two, three or four, you see this one one day, you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. Then you miss the other one, she misses you, you want to be with her. So there's always life in the marriage there, there's always excitement, and so on.

Yes, we know women are jealous, women hate their husband to have more than one wife, even the most pious of women, the Messengers wives, split into two parties: the younger wives, and the older wives and they, you could say, declared war on each other.

But no one can question, or deny that this is mens nature whether you like it or not.

PS: (*according to Musalim, best is to have 3 wives at a time* to spend two days of the week at each house, and one day stay SINGLE and save your head from headache of wives, nagging andchildren demands lol)'
Assalamu 'alaykum,

Most of that auntie Umm Khubayb, barakallahu feeki, is tell-tales. I've heard some wonderful stories about how polgynous marriages have worked, and the Salafs history testifies to that - why are we looking at rarities? Why do we want to use rarities as evidence for something?

Correction: Maymoonah was also a virgin, and Safiyyah was too, wallahu a'lam.

Also, another correction: quite a few of the brothers who replied are already married.

I mean, the problem I have, and many people have are these misconceptions and understandings that are in need of correction with regards to polygyny.

Sisters must understand the following:

1) Mens nature = More than one.
2) There doesn't have to be any 'reason' to why he marries more than one - he can simply like women. And this, for your knowledge, is the only reason mentioned in the Qur'aan by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to why the Messenger sallallahu a'alayhi wa salam married more than one - he liked women.
3) This issue of 'provision', Allah is ar-Razaaq, the best of men lived upon bread crumbs, so no one can bring this excuse up. As long as they are fed from what you are fed, clothed from what you are clothed, happy with that, marriage should happen.

Question: You said that the Messengerswives all lived in separate homes, can you provide evidence for that, because it isn't what I know or read, or heard. Jazakillah khayr.

4) They don't have to be widows, they don't have to be infertile, they don't have to be anything. All 2, 3, 4, can be normal wives.

What annoys me, and us men most, are these stupid excuses and attempts to justify sisters deep rooted dislike for polgyny - Islaamically - where do people get all those rules from?

Did we say anything wrong?
Assalamu 'alaykum,

What I meant by tell-tales, is that all that you brought doesn't prove anything. We spoke Qur'aan and Sunnah. I can bring stories like that too showing the wonderfulness of polgynous marriage.

Regarding Safiyyah, you are correct, but I think I put her there because she was a young wife. [note from Sinaan, he in post two said Safiyyah was a virgin, but corrected himself here. I am mentioning this, because this post was a reply, and since the reply is missing from the thread, it doesn't make sense unless clarified.]

I mean, yes, the Messenger kept hiswives in different 'comparments', that's more precise. 'Aisha's room, Umm Khubayb didn't fit them both in for them to pray properly. So my question here: how many sisters would want to live in a room today? Be honest - any? Now, my point is, this 'provision' business people bring along, I honestly don't understand it. Does the man have to be a millionaire or something?

Anyway, I hope you all got my point.

Wassalamu 'alaykum,

Abu Dujanah.
Originally Posted by Ibnu Abee Shaybah
I would also like to bring up the story of Imaam Ahmad, ra7mat Allaahu 3alayhi. He dedicated himself to knowledge and did not have time for a wife.... however, one time he told someone to go to the marketplace to get him a slave girl, and then he added, "and make sure she's fleshy one" (or something to that effect).

Also I believe, that when Imaam Ahmad's first wife died, he married a second wife before they had even done the Janazza on his first wife (much to the shock of his students, etc.).

taken from http://cg.streettv.net/forumdisplay.php?f=2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Honestly speaking i agree with parts of this quote and disagree with othesr. It is not correct to compare the wives with different cups. Keep in mind that a man is allowed to have multiple wives if and only if he treats them all equally, is just, and provides for them equally. If he fails do so then he has a severe punishment awaiting for him in the hereafter.
Keep in mind also that it is not proper to say that all what a husband is obliged to a wife is to give her bread and also it is not islamic to keep all of his wives under the same roof. According to the Maliki/Madinian jurisprudence, If all the wives agree to live in one room/house then la baas, it is alright to do so, otherwise the wife [ or each wife ] has the right on the husband to provide for her a separate residence. According to the maliki jurisprudence, the other basic rights a wife has on the husband is to provide her the same food he eats, cloth her from the same clothes he wears, and to provide her with hygenic tools [ like soap, medicine, toothbrush etc.]. The wife has the right on the husband not to revile her and not to beat her. This position is backed by a hadith reported by Abu dawood in his Sunan.

[ClashCityRocker]

well said muawiyah

[qaatil]

the wives of RasoolAllah lived in seperate rooms
they were given bread to eat


look sunnah means rewardeable action so if a hadith stipulates reward 2 an action it becomes sunnah not mubah
it is sunnah to have many wives and to treat them equally does not mean the need a villa each it means whatever you provide the first one u give the same 2 the rest
so if wifee no1 gets 3 slics bread wifees 2 3 n 4 will also get the same
so with 1 loaf bread problem solved
only kidding

[baba]

Qaatil, you need to learn more about your deen.

[scott commins]

the following post explains what I only wanted to explain once

[scott commins]

I am a straight male 39 years of age and live in Australia and as legally lermitted am not in a religious group under the rules of the denominations of religions and Australia has about every type that there is to man and woman kind

Polygyiny of the more than one loyal female partner is a something here in Asutralia that is not mentioned often although there is a view that Muslim men can have 4 wives and if thtas there religion I do not oppose them having more than one wife. Australia does only allow registration with births deaths and marriages one wife to one husband at one time however they do allow that man and wife legally to live in a home and the man can have other female partners but they are classed as what is called defacto wives if they live with him and his validly married wife as his wives as well. Its legal for them to have children to him. If what is called the tennacy agreement ( legal number of persons that can live in each home depending on number of bedrooms ) permits for example 6 persons to live in the one house the man can have 5 wives ( one validly married and 4 defacto wives)
Now that would be over the legal amount for muslims I believe but I do not oppose the law that permits defacto;s so its legal in Australia to have more than one defacto wife and over 4 defacto wives and there is not a number on the limit of defacto wives that a man can have if they are involved in having more than one address and the man is the only husband to the group of women that are his defacto wives. The legal laws apply to all the other matters so its not a scam but if true love is alive with one man and more than one woman even if its over 4 than I do not oppose it myself.

If I had more than four women love me with all their heart and want to have children to me and still love me and want to be with me I would not stop them when legally I can regarldess.

If some women that lived in Australia loved a man with all their heart and they wanted to be with him and have children to him and still be with him and regardless of all the terms and acts etc just be as his loyal wives because they want to and they accept each other I would not oppose them ever not only because it not illegal here in Australia but because people only get one life and deserve to be happy in what they choose especially if its legal to do.

If the laws in whatever country allow a man to have more than one female partner((wife)defacto wife) than I do not object to the people in that country doing what they are legally permitted to do

[`asiya]

as salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, i am completely for men having more than one wife , if they are man enough to uphold their responsabilities and duties, the man who does not treat his wives equally will be raised on the day of judgement with one side of his body dragging/hanging down...

when i speak with some sister in my area about this matter which is something allowed by Allah and ~Allah knows his creation and thier situations best, i have been told things like "such women are stealing their sisters husbands and taking them from their famillies" ...now how selfish can they be? there are so many sisters born muslims or reverts (like me) struggling alone raising children alone, doing mens work alone, no support, no help, struggling financially and unable to keep their homes warm in winter and their children clothed and fed properly (yes in the so called affluent western lands) and once i discussed this issue then i experienced no vists from sisters who fear women like me " might want my husband" "such women are home wreckers " etc etc. this nonsense has to stop.in my area most of the brothers are married to kuffar women, those who are not and who have married muslim women from "back home" are earning huge sums of money and could easilly afford another wife but they are too afraid to even mention it to their wives its like speaking about a forbidden topic. add to this all the rest of the nonsense that has seeped into our ummah ie: brothers dont want to marry women with childen: brothers only want young wives:brothers dont want to marry divorcees result is = women like me have no hope of ever getting married, and my children have no hope of ever seeing the true example of a good muslim man.i also have to face the prospect of living in daral kuffar my whole life and finding no muslim to even wash my body and bury me properly.

see the thing is if a man is a real man who knows how to handle his buisness then theres no problem, because what problem could there be if he fears Allah? i mean if he buys one wife a present then for sure hes going to do the same for the others because he knows Allah is all aware of what he is doing,he will spend equal time with them and check on them and love all the kids equally, and he knows jannah is forbidden for the man who does not take care of those under him and fulfil his responsabilities towards them.

As for some of the information in the previous posts about wifes all living under one roof this is complete nonsense becasuse clearly from the sahih hadiths this was not the case. ( this why Allah states clearly the conditions if you can afford it and do justice between them) each wife had her own apartment with her own cooking facilities if you recall the facts aisha radiallahu anh went to the apartment of hafsa bint khalid asking her to help play a trick on rasoolAllah telling him he smelt after drinking honey drink at another wifes home, and another narration whereby another wife sent over food for visiting sahabbas because aisha radiallahu anh was not a great cook and upon the arrival of this food, aisha kicked the bowl and broke it (yes in front of all the sahabbas smashed it up ) and rasoolAllah salallahu alleyhi wa salam just smiled :D picked up the broken bowl and told aisha she would have to replace what she broke so quite clearly they didnt all co-habit in one room being given a piece of bread to eat (tip for the brothers, for a peaceful life never make two women share a kitchen!)

If i was married to a man who was man enough to do his islamic duties as my husband then i would encouarage him to marry my sisters in Islam old or young, if he could afford to take care of them, because i would want all the good that i had in my husband to be shared with my sisters, as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of your truely believes until he loves for his brother (or sister) what he loves for himself"

sisters shouldnt be selfish and brothers shouldnt be afraid to take their rights and take care of the sisters in their area, Allah has clearly stated men are the maintainers and protectors of women, so share the good men of this ummah so we can make muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam proud on the day of judgement with the biggest ummah coming on that day, maybe then we will save sisters from so much fitnah they have to face alone, living solitary loney lives.love for your sisters what you love for yourself.

May Allah guide us all to love one another for his sake, and to love for each other what we love for ourselves amin :lailah:

[dhakiyya]

Excellent post ur sister, masha'Allah.

I'm happy for my husband to take a second wife, i know he is man enough to uphold his (doubled!) responsibilities and duties.

The thing you mentioned about having separate accommodation is a very important one, it is the right of any of the wives to be provided with separate accommodation - so a man who marries four women must therefore have adequate wealth to be able to provide this, even if his wives all do decide to live together - if it didn't work out with them all living together he would have to uphold the right of any or all wives to have separate accommodation. What often happens in Muslim countries is the husband buys a house/building that contains two, three or four flats with each wife in their own flat.

However, personally I can see advantages in sharing accommodation (provided you get along well enough to not have arguments very often) - you share the housework, cooking and running of the house between you instead of each running their own house. plus its much easier to help each other with the childcare.

lol @ sharing a kitchen. yes I can see this being a potential trigger point! Though I could share a kitchen if I had my own set of cupboards for my cooking stuff and she had her own cooking stuff in her own set of cupboards, (though I don't mind lending stuff if she asks and washes it up afterwards, and I'd do the same if I wanted to borrow something of hers) I'd be able to share the sink and the cooker. unless she insisted on having an electric hob in which case there would be problems cause I love cooking on gas and hate cooking on electric lol

[scott commins]

the way I see it if a man lives with more than one woman as his wives although in my couintry if that is the case they are called defacto wives and one can be validly married if they live in the same home as legally permitted sure there is sometimes homes with just one bathroom and one kitchen but hey if the people in the relationship that live in the home especially if there is children form the relationship/s live there too than if the adults always leave the bathroom and kitchen cleaned and ready for next use as it should be anyway it makes it easy for the others in the relationship and sets a good example for the children to be the same. It does not take long to spray some disanfectant or clean up and wash it off and make sure things are in place with courtesy for all others including the man also taking care of cleaning after his mess too. This way the relationship is not seperated and they can all be friends and not miss out on being together and being under the same roof being content that they are all safe. Its not a demand its just how I look at it as I am legally permitted to exist and how I would prefer. If I had a current wife or wives there is not any way in this world while it is legal in my country that I would want them to not be under the same roof as me all practising being clean and tidy and organised with me. I mean if things get put back where everyone decides equally that they should be there is order,harmony and not any hassles. Lets face it, love should outway money and material things so people really in love learn to work around some luxuries they might want where some go without real love for material things instead of going with the person they really like because they are not rich possibly in money and material things at the moment. The best part of real love though is it makes alot of the material things not matter so much as to someone that has not real love always winging about something instead of working it out and agreeing quickly for the best solution to be back up to enjoying there life together and each other.