Marriage in Islam

[Ammarah]

Marriage in Islam is an important institution that has deep effects on society. Marriage is a bond containing rights and duties that each person, male or female, should preserve, protect and fulfill. Both the husband and wife, have certain rights and duties. Allah said, what translated means

"And live with them honorably."[4:19].

Each of them must fulfill his or her duties for the marriage to succeed. Allah said, what translated means,

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them as regards to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.) [2:228].

Women must fulfill their duties towards their husbands. Men must treat their wives fairly and fulfill their duties towards them, too. A happy marriage is assured if both the husband and the wife preserve each others' rights. A marriage that does the opposite is a miserable one.

The Sunnah of the Prophet is full of advice of what brings about a successful marriage. He said, what translated means, "Treat women fairly. The woman was created from a bent rib. The most bent part of the rib is the top. If you want to straighten it, you will break it. If you left it, it will stay bent. So treat women fairly." [Al- Bukhari & Muslim]. In this Hadith, the Prophet orders men to be fair with their wives and to treat them in the best manner. He described forcing a woman to change some of her attitudes as breaking the rib, and breaking the rib here means divorce. The Prophet was seeking to protect marriage from what may destroy it. He said, what translated means, "No Mu'min (believer) should dislike his believing wife. If he does not like her attitude (in some matters), (then) he will like another." [Muslim].

The Prophet advises men as how to have a good marriage. Men must ignore some of their wives mistakes and attitudes as long as they are not sins. The Prophet acknowledges that changing these attitudes is difficult. Women, Just like men, are not perfect. To enjoy marriage, men must forgive the bad attitudes and habits, and remember, the good ones. Surely in most cases, the good sides are more than the bad sides. For the husband to hate his wife, ignoring the good in her, means the destruction of their marriage. Many men want their wives to be perfect. This is not possible to achieve. If men ignore this fact, then misery and depression will fill their marriage, and this may lead to divorce. The Prophet advises the believers to protect their marriage by correcting the impermissible behavior of their wives, and not force change in matters that are not sins.

The wife has certain duties and rights. The rights include providing for her needs of food, clothing, housing and respect. The Prophet said, what translated means, "They have upon you (the rights) of providing for them and clothing, as regards to what is reasonable" [At-Tirmithi]. Also, the Prophet said to a questioner: Her rights upon you) is to feed her when you eat, buy her clothes when you buy for yourself, not to smack her on the face, not to curse her and not to ignore her (if you have a difference with her) but in the house." [Ahmad].

The wife has the right to be respected and treated fairly. Being unjust with the wife is impermissible. The Prophet gave us the perfect example of how a righteous believer should treat his wife. What men cannot control matters of the heart) must not affect the way they treat their wives.

The wife has the duty of preserving the rights of her husband. Allah decreed that men have more degree of responsibility than women, and that the man is the head of his household. The wife must fulfill her duties toward her husband, and this includes obedience in what is permissible. If he orders her to violate the rules of Islam, then she should not obey him. Allah said, what translated means, "Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them (men) to excel the other, and because they spend (to support women) from their means." [4:34].

The wife who believes in Allah and fears Him will protect her husband's needs, secrets, possessions and honor. The Prophet said, what translated means, "If I were to order anyone to bow down (make Sujood) for any human,I would order the wife to bow down for her husband." [At-Tirmithi].

The believing wife must fulfill the sexual needs of her husband because unfulfilled sexual needs render the marriage unworkable. The Prophet said, what translated means, "If the hushand calls his wife to his bed and she refuses (to sleep with him) and he slept angry with her, then the angles will curse her till the morning." [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. Also, the Prophet did not allow the wife to engage in voluntary worship unless her husband permits her to do so. This is to ensure that the husband enjoys his wife and feels satisfaction. The Prophet said, what translated means, "It is prohibited for a woman to Fast (voluntary fast) while her husband is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone in his house except with his permission." [Al-Bukhan'& Muslim].

These duties upon the wife will only ensure her a fulfilling life and a happy marriage. The believing wife will enjoy her marriage, feel respected, and enter Paradise if she follows the orders of the Messenger of Allah, who said, what translated means, "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, enters Paradise." [At-Tirmithi].

[AbuNajm]

i remind my wife often that she has it much easier than we do.

my personal favorite is,

Volume 4, Book 55, Number 548:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah 's Apostle said, "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely."

from Bukhari

[AbuMubarak]

women have it easy, but their nature makes it hard for them

[Ammarah]

i wouldn't say we have it easy akhi. Even those of us with the calmest of natures. Life is a fitnah for every mu'min.

But I agree many women allow themselves to get unnecessarily stressed by things at times... make it harder upon themselves.
Which is why when I am emotional or hormonal I pray two rakat, and take deep breaths. Go for a walk,in the park, or phone a friend.

I cry to Allah till my tears are all dried up so that i only have smiles for my partner. I am not saying we shouldn't share our woes, but realise when something is really important, and when it's just the hormones talking.

A woman in a marriage, always has to show more patience. And there is wisdom in this.

Women are told in hadith that they are most ungrateful to their husbands.
Men by nature like to spend on themselves, flash cars, new toys etc. They would also love to have a woman on each arm, and perhaps another on the side.

But the Muslim man sacrifices his nafs for Islam and the family. He works hard and has the responsibility to maintain his women, be they his wives, sisters, daughters.

The very least we can do as a wife is provide a happy household for him to return to. Not offload our emotions the minute he step through the door. Not find complaints, when there is so much to be thankful for.

And in all marriages the man needs to do his part also. Maintain her heath, well being, heart and deen.

Being an on call mom, and wife isn't easy. Being responsible for the deen and health of your children, isn't easy.
Anyone can be a mom. It takes work to be a good mom. The same goes for being a wife.
If we all had supportive husbands like the Prophet (saw) was with his wives then yeh, it would be a whole lot easier... but the sad fact is many women are carrying the deen and their husbands hold them down.

And the men in some societies hold the women down.
There are no facilities for the women at any masjid where I live.
The resource centre has nothing for us to learn our deen.

Women would have it easier if more men in society were willing to help them blossom. Some of us are missing out on a whole lot of beauty within Islam.

What is really lacking on both sides is our willingness to follow the Quran and Sunnah. Our willingness to give a little instead of wanting only for ourselves.

[AbuMubarak]

its funny

a woman is told that if she fasts, prays and obeys her husband, she can enter paradise thru any of the eight gates

i dont know of a hadith like that for the men

but it is saying that these three things are difficult for the woman

[Ammarah]

We make it difficult.

Allah is most merciful. We get a break every month. For 40 days after childbirth. During pregnancy we recieve the reward of fasting during the day and being in ibadaat through the night.

For the Muslimah the responsibility and stress of bringing home the daily bread isn't there.

Yep, we have much to be grateful for, alhamdulillah. Allah acknowledges the troubles women face and offers them much rewards to keep us good and patient.

But Allah is most fair, and there are rewards awaiting the men too.

But yes, from earning a living, to jihad of the nafs and physical jihad, to teaching the women, making the five times salat hopefully with jamaat... and more, men have a lot to take care of in life.

Which us women should remember when we feel like complaining, running off at the mouth.

And maybe when we massage his aching shoulders, and smile at him when he returns from work, we will feel some relief too.

A happy couple are the pillars to a happy household.

But it all pretty much comes back to making sacrifices and giving.

if you have that naturally subhanAllah.

[AbuMubarak]

your husband has been blessed sis

[AbuNajm]

As Salaamu Alaykum,

here in Mexico, when people find out that my wife and I are Muslims, they always have the impression as given by media of dictator husbands with 20 wives. but Al Hamdu Lillah, when they see my wife and I together, it gives them a different impression. Marriage truly is a great way for a man and wife to give dawah, showing the mercy between the two, the companionship. it kills my mother in law to see when i do dishes, and clean up, or take help to take care of my son. the other day I laughed when i showed her the button i had just sewn onto my shirt. it also makes the mushrik very jealous when they see me and my wife praying together so often and consistently.

there are many things that we can say to combat the misconceptions that have pitted otherwise accepting kafiroon against Islam, but no words can match the undeniably heart softening, mind opening, true display of Islam as conveyed through the interaction of man and wife.

[Ammarah]

Walaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Alhamdulillah. Too true akhi.

A couple should be a loving example to people outside as well as the children inside.

I for one think it's very very important that the children see their parents happy, speaking well to each other, and showing affection despite any problems. And any problems should be resolved behind closed doors.
Because what children see and experience during childhood is what they will carry with them when it is their turn to marry.

If a boy sees his father lording it to the wife, and her whimpering in the corner and no real companionship, he will think this is what marriage is about.
And if the children hear foul language coming from the mouths of their parents, and violence, it is more than likely they will think this behaviour is acceptable.

I can give some very good examples.

One sister I know has gone from one abusive marriage to another. And she hasn't fought back. I don't mean literally, I mean she hasn't even looked for help. And one of her daughters thus has no respect for her mother, and the other who is 13 is the most insecure girl I've met in my life. The mirror of her cowering mother only worse. May Allah help them with their heart and deen. Aamin.

Another example is this very lady's sister. She subhanAllah has always spoken to her husband well, and never stood up to him disrespectfully. She is an alimah and has never let it go to her head.
And her husband, though not violent used to be non practising and tried to prevent her from practising. But she continued and always taught him and her children the daleel behind such actions with confidence. And as a result her children are the opposite of their cowering cousin. They are knowledgable and confident and stand up for what is true without fear, alhamdulillah. And now I believe because of her persevererence within the boundaries of Islam, and her patience, her husband prays five times salat at the masjid without fail.

Another sister I know teaches her children well and they are very well mannered. But they witness their father calling her names, and so ocassionally they do the same.

We really don't realise that from the womb children pick up so much from their parents. And they love and trust their parents and carry these things into their own outlook and conduct in life.

Islam isn't just a bunch or rituals and practises, it is a manner in how we carry ourselves and a security and protection from shaitaan. Islam is supposed to make our moral conduct better than the kafir, and a means to raising children into the most perfect lifestyle.