marriage questions

[Qurratulain]

Assalamulaikom
Yes I know ummah forum has always this marriage topic being brought up. But recently someone in my family is getting engaged so this topic is very hot these days in our home and friends circle.
I have a couple of questions for everyone. Where would u all prefer to get married, back from where u came from like Pakistan or to someone where u currently live ,like in the US or UK.
The reason I am interested in knowing is since all my friends and everyone here, there is this current trend that no one wants to get married to any guy or girl in Pakistan. They all prefer and want to get married to someone a pakistani preferably whom was born and raised where they live in now. So the question is why? Every place has its good and bad sides. Ever since I came back from Pakistan, I have seen that ppl have lots of negative thoughts about that place and its ppl,its not all that bad, I am one of its products as well. Yes we have lots of problems there, but why generalise as to think that all ppl would be same?
I have lots of other things to add as well, but later after a few responses, and my own opinion as well

[nam]

Sallaam

Anywhere thats cheap, office of birth deaths and marriages do it foe like 230 bucks, sounds good to me.

Allah Hafiz

nam ("Thinking of someting" Nam 04/07/03)

[islamic jihad]

I'm the first to reply :rolleyes: .....:D

Anyways..personally getting married from Pakistan scares me cos ..erm...I prefer some1 who knows english and who has the same etiquettes as moi...u know, so we're able to communicate properly, some1 whose more religious..i heard pakistani guys only marry for visas, they're perverts and are the suspicious type...i couldn't live with a person like that for a sec, neva mind a life-time...i'd hate it...plus...i hate pakistani culture...:nervous: ..some1 who ain't as loyal to pakistani culture would do.....but saying all this...when the time comes...I'll end up marrying a pakistani guy anyhow :( .allahu alim.

[haqa]

yeh i thinks it just the pakistani men (or mangies) who r the problem. Girls these days dont trust em, and i dont blame them, ma cousin had problem with one once. A lot of em are sly, cunning and just come here 4 visa like IJ said, but i suppose there are decent ones aswell. I would marry a pakitani girl as long she is religious and can understand english. Not a lotta religious types in eng, well there are but not as many in pk, if u knwo what i mean, being all modernised and that.

[tompaine]

My basic assumption is that US Muslima will be the ones to reform Islam. Now I see I should say US and UK Muslima.

Muslima should recognize that the Islamic Marriage contract is their best protection. In the US anyone can have a pre-nuptial agreement that is recognized by the civil law. But Muslima in any country can have a religious marriage contract that permits them to put any statement that reflects how she wants to be married.

Insist on being first and only wife.
Custody of all children if husband divorces her.
Specific financial support while children under 18 if husband divorces her.
Where the couple will live.
The schools the wife will attend.
When children will come.


Warning: you may be told that you may not include certain things but seek further opinion and look around at what other Muslim couples are do. You can include anything that he voluntarily agrees to and if he doesn't, don't marry him.

Commonsense

[Revolution]

You really should watch you mouth - Pakistani men are perverts?? you *heard* they only marry for visas?? Suspicious?? How can you make such offensive comments and generalise so much based on a bunch of rumours? Further how can you comment on all Pakistani men with the experiance of a few? :confused:



Originally posted by islamic jihad
I'm the first to reply :rolleyes: .....:D

Anyways..personally getting married from Pakistan scares me cos ..erm...I prefer some1 who knows english and who has the same etiquettes as moi...u know, so we're able to communicate properly, some1 whose more religious..i heard pakistani guys only marry for visas, they're perverts and are the suspicious type...i couldn't live with a person like that for a sec, neva mind a life-time...i'd hate it...plus...i hate pakistani culture...:nervous: ..some1 who ain't as loyal to pakistani culture would do.....but saying all this...when the time comes...I'll end up marrying a pakistani guy anyhow :( .allahu alim.

[Details]

Originally posted by Qurratulain
... They all prefer and want to get married to someone a pakistani preferably whom was born and raised where they live in now. So the question is why? Every place has its good and bad sides. Ever since I came back from Pakistan, I have seen that ppl have lots of negative thoughts about that place and its ppl,its not all that bad, I am one of its products as well. Yes we have lots of problems there, but why generalise as to think that all ppl would be same?
I have lots of other things to add as well, but later after a few responses, and my own opinion as well
I'd be willing to bet that it has the most to do with being accustomed to the liberal attitudes of the west.

[mtsmallick]

Bismiallah Ir-rahman Ir-rahim

Assalam-o-Alakum

Indeed its feel encrouging to get married where your rrots belong (i.e. motherland). Specially pakistanis living abroad, seems enclined to do marriages back in pakistan. One major compulsion behind that they feel secured about whom they are marrying to i.e. they although live in west but doesnot feel glad about the society thats why wants to go back to their roots.

Secondly, its seems very obvious day by day that majority of pakistan new immigrants do get marriages abroad just for sake of permanent residence in west. This trend is very frequent becoz of the fact that now new immigrants are less ojective about their immigration. They just want to get a foot in west and plunder the life in doing less objective things just for sake of few peenies.

But this is not generalization of all pakistanis, i know few of my people who are actually very sincere to their immigration i.e. to get better education from abroad. But non the less a very poor quality of paksitani people are getting immigration for west infact every second or third person i have seen on visas office of having forged documents or fake passports for nearly millions rupees. It is obvious that such kind of people will do when they finally get in west.

Bad economic climate and eroding society of pakistan paving way for such kind of immigration, and people here in pakistan talks with proud that their new relatives (bride or groom) lives in abroad. Similarly, a new trend of deception is on rise here inpakistan when parents of people living abroad do settle their marriages in pakistan although their son's have already married in abroad. This deception is widely heard in seen in pakistan.

[Qurratulain]

assalamulaikom,
JazakAllah to everyone whom answered. The reasons u all gave are what I hear most as well.
All the girls say guys from there want to marry for visa only, which is true to some extent I dont blame then. And the guys that marry back there, mostly have lots of other girlfriends here or are already married to a , as they call it a goori here. Lots of ppl have really lied and deceived lots of girls there and same vice versa.
Now the thing is not all men from back there marry for visas only. My friends, 2 of them are getting married there and they will stay after marriage there. Those whom do mostly marry for visas only do this because of lots of social problem, they need money to support their family etc and getting abroad is the only way for them to get a job and earn money to send back home to support their families, getting their other sisters or brothers married etc. Since there a lot depends on the males if their the only source of income. I dont blame it if they marry for visas to someone living here, but the thing is then dont deceive or lie once u get ur passport.
And IJ its totaly wrong to say all men from there are perverts,one shouldnt generalise like that, what makes u think those whom live here are any better? I lived there for 6 years and I have seen lots of good ppl there, both girls and guys.
But I really find it very strange when some ppl say I wont ever marry some girl or a guy from there, coz they are this or that. They have such made up mind about all its ppl. How can u be sure that all the ppl are the same. And when u marry someone, do u do it because of location, that the person is from pakistan or UK or USA, or do u marry coz of the person? If the person and his imaan is important than why does location matter so much, and why this made up mind that all ppl from there are the same?
Also I hear lots of guys say, even within my family, like I wont ever get married to a pakistani girl, especially not from pakistan, we dont like them and their all the same, we prefer a gori:rolleyes: ,I never understood this, and its quite like rascism to me.
The point I am trying to make, if ur a gori or a kali ,or yellow or pink,are u suddenly a very changed person,and ppl just like that assume ur like this or that. And also just coz of where u live does that automatically place u in the category of a not liked person?
What are the reasons that a marriage is done for? I hear lots of ppl say no its rascism when u say that u will marry only within pakistanis, or whatever place u belong to,than isnt it rascism as well to say I cant ever get married to someone in pakistan, and u already have this made up mind about the place and all its ppl? If ur good then why fear, since if u leave ur affairs to allah, good things will happen to u as well. and like my mom always says a person gets married to someone whom is like themself. so if ur good u will get a good person as well insha allah.
And I do agree with Details that is one of the reasons as well.
I have been raised both in pakistan and in the west. Now for me I am caught up in 2 boats and cant seem to decide where do I really belong.
And also about its culture what makes u think everything about it is bad? I will keep this short and have only this to say if u look with negative eyes u will fail to see even the good there, since u already have this made up mind.
Allah hafiz
pheww I think this is my longest post ever written by myself aww

[Qurratulain]

Originally posted by tompaine
My basic assumption is that US Muslima will be the ones to reform Islam. Now I see I should say US and UK Muslima.

Muslima should recognize that the Islamic Marriage contract is their best protection. In the US anyone can have a pre-nuptial agreement that is recognized by the civil law. But Muslima in any country can have a religious marriage contract that permits them to put any statement that reflects how she wants to be married.

Insist on being first and only wife.
Custody of all children if husband divorces her.
Specific financial support while children under 18 if husband divorces her.
Where the couple will live.
The schools the wife will attend.
When children will come.


Warning: you may be told that you may not include certain things but seek further opinion and look around at what other Muslim couples are do. You can include anything that he voluntarily agrees to and if he doesn't, don't marry him.

Commonsense
Assalamulaikom,
yeah I heard u could have this written on the marriage contract, but lots of ppl especially the imaam whom is reading the nikah their always like during that time, no leave it out, leave it blank , there is no need for this. If the women can have what they want or fear most of written on the contract then I dont think there is any reason to fear then.

[Talib]

Walaikum Asalama wa Rahmatullaah wa Barakatu

I disagree, with some points maybe its just me. But i would rather get married from back home than here.(I emphasise Rather). Obviously if the right girl came up here i would not hestitate, but unfortunately it's a hard to come by. The reason's im not going into, because i would probably get jumped by the sisters.

Not all people from Pakistan come for Visa's although the vast majority do. There are some people who marry from here and actually live there. Like the sis mentioned..

This is a long topic, i will leave it at that..InshAllaah


Fi Amaan Allaahi

[baba]

A lot of the older bros I've talked to say that they wouldn't want a wife "from back home" because "she wouldn't be prepared for the onslaught of fitnah in the West".

Me? I don't care. A buff ting is a buff ting.

[VH Returns]

Salaams,

I personally am a product from pakistani origin, however, i disagree with Sis IJ's comments profusely! Im offended and im not even male! However, i will let what she said go and put it down to her young nieve age.

Like IJ and Sis Qurratulain i too have many stories that i have heard and come across, some of my friends too have married from Pakistan and they too have had bad outcomes, as they have found that their husbands were not equipped to deal with the fitnah that the western society throws at them. But thats just due to a few men who come from very poor villages and are very ill educated. I have couzins/uncles and other relatives who are well educated, have been born and lived in Pakistan their whole life, yet they live their life as Islam requires. I beleive that given the right education and support these abhorrid "stories" that everyone seems to have heard from the 'o' so wonderous western media would have less depth .

Sis IJ, just because you have heard stories from others and their renditions, you should never let someone else put a judgement on your views and opinions. May i ask have you been to the more developed areas and cities in Pakistan , or even anywhere in Pakistan yourself?

I personally would not care where my partner was from, as long as the person in question was muslim is all that would matter to me.
Having said that i do believe that a person would be best matched for marriage with a person from their own societal background, ONLY for the reason that they have much more in common with them, and therefore increasing the better match suitablilty of the marriage.

[Qurratulain]

Assalamulaikom
Bro Baba I dont agree with that any women whom comes from back home wont be prepared for the fitna of the west. Infact if she is raised in a good family with good family values she will be more than prepared. I wonder what makes them think those whom live here are more prepared?, if u hear all the stories about here...
And I agree with sis VH as long as the person is a good muslim that is what we all should be worried about rather than generalising like that about everyone and making up our minds about ppl from somewhere. Like the prophet said a person is married for 4 reasons, and if u want to be succesfull deen is most important ,that is what u should look at, so as long as the person has this,it doesnt matter if he even comes from pluto to me:D
But yeah I think coming from the same societal backgrounds has its advantages as well..

[islamic jihad]

Just plz be quiet about ma opinions guys, u wanted opinions, u got it from me...u don't know what moulded such a diatribe against the Pakistanis from moi...:(