Advice required pleaseeeeeeeee [Archive] - Ummah.com

Reema

14-06-08, 11:33 PM

Oki so am gonna go meet my husbands parents soon for the first time..all advice appreciated. They are lovely people and nice sweet and all that stuff but any advice as to what I should avoid doing, saying etc? What I should say? My parents and hubs will be there too but I is feeling a bit ill in my stomach at the thought of it, dunno why though. Giving a speech once to 800 people didnt make me feel this nervous. :help:

GuCcI

14-06-08, 11:36 PM

be polite, friendly, caring, helpful... SMILE :inlove: smiling is important. :)

but at the same time be yourself.

treat them and talk to them like you would do to your own.

try to maintain a level of politeness and all that you can continue for the rest of your life. :hidban:

don't worry, it'll be okay.

oh yeah, things to avoid...

:scratch: i'll get back to you on that in a few months after i mess up with my in laws :o :outta:

muhammed_1428

14-06-08, 11:40 PM

get advice from ure hubby on the kind of people they're like, what they enjoy tlaking about, the things that annoy them and the things that they can talk about for ages

e.g. my mum loves talking about cooking and recipes etc, so i guess thats what i'll tell my wife to be to talk about! lol

Then again, like many mums, she doesnt like being shown up with a better recipe (yeh i know), in which case patience is required.

I think you just need to take a deep breathe, and talk to them with the same respect and dignity you have when talking to your own parents, khalas.

Kal-El

14-06-08, 11:55 PM

Just be yourself. They're your family to be too

Chained_Water

14-06-08, 11:57 PM

Smile and nod. :o

GuCcI

14-06-08, 11:59 PM

Smile and nod. :o

true... but then years later when she won't be "new" anymore, and actually wanna give her input on stuff what if they expect her to continue to smile and nod and she gives her input then they'll be like 'our daughter in law has changed :('

Reema

15-06-08, 12:03 AM

true... but then years later when she won't be "new" anymore, and actually wanna give her input on stuff what if they expect her to continue to smile and nod and she gives her input then they'll be like 'our daughter in law has changed :('

The smashing thing is except when I go back home, for the most part of the year i'll be 6,000 miles away from them here in London and will only talk with them on the phone. :o That sounds evil I know but to be honest with you, my family are driving me bonkers as it is.

Somebody said to me once, 'with distance, responsibility lessens' Dunno how true that is.

bint

15-06-08, 12:10 AM

Smile and nod. :o
doesnt ure mouth hurt? (my friend did that for a whole hour and she was fuming inside):p

-Shamil-

15-06-08, 12:17 AM

Reema

15-06-08, 12:24 AM

yeh stay as quiet as possible

my sister gettin married soon and thats what i advised her and it turns out they loved her :D

when girls get too comfortable they sometimes go off on one and tell pointless tales like "how theyre mate shagufta wants to marry the paper-boy ghazanfar but her parents think he's too good blah blah blah" - you dont wanna scare 'em off :nono:

Yeah but if I dont talk, they might think i'm ill or something cos when I talk to them on the phone, I dont shut up but then again over the phone it is different.

GuCcI

15-06-08, 12:25 AM

i dont think its a good idea to be too quiet especially if you're naturally talkative because then it'll come off as a surprise later on so try to maintain a balance....

and if you're not gonna see them often after marriage, well thats fine too... just smile politely and answer politely when asked, and add your thoughts and ideas when you think its apropriate. of course its not good to talk their ears off in the beginning even if it is in your nature to :p

at first with my fiance i was very shy and quiet and whatever :rolleyes: but that was me trying to set an impression... well he thought that that really was me so when i started to talk a lot it was like i was a totally different person and he got scared :o

-Shamil-

15-06-08, 12:54 AM

Yeah but if I dont talk, they might think i'm ill or something cos when I talk to them on the phone, I dont shut up but then again over the phone it is different.

oh if youve spoken to them already and know 'em then its different - cant be too hard transferring the phone conversations to face-to-face conversations :up:

tayfah-mansurah

15-06-08, 01:15 AM

you probably wont be expected to say much, sure your family and husbands family going to do all the negotiating, just sit back and enjoy the food
:up:
Oki so am gonna go meet my husbands parents soon for the first time..all advice appreciated. They are lovely people and nice sweet and all that stuff but any advice as to what I should avoid doing, saying etc? What I should say? My parents and hubs will be there too but I is feeling a bit ill in my stomach at the thought of it, dunno why though. Giving a speech once to 800 people didnt make me feel this nervous. :help:

Miss-Neurofen

15-06-08, 01:19 AM

arent u married yet? bit confused :S... is he ur husband or husband to be?

tayfah-mansurah

15-06-08, 01:22 AM

lol, i remember one experience where girls uncle sneakily whispered to me "psssss...try out the Markaz, east london" :D

Oki so am gonna go meet my husbands parents soon for the first time..all advice appreciated. They are lovely people and nice sweet and all that stuff but any advice as to what I should avoid doing, saying etc? What I should say? My parents and hubs will be there too but I is feeling a bit ill in my stomach at the thought of it, dunno why though. Giving a speech once to 800 people didnt make me feel this nervous. :help:

PiElle2

15-06-08, 02:04 AM

just be nice, gentle and proper, keep smile on face all the time, show interest in them, gives praises, esp. your hubby's mother, but dun talk too much...:D

turquoise

16-06-08, 01:45 AM

Salaam sis Gucci,

Can you explain this?

at first with my fiance i was very shy and quiet and whatever :rolleyes: but that was me trying to set an impression... well he thought that that really was me so when i started to talk a lot it was like i was a totally different person and he got scared :o

Why were you trying to give your fiance the impression that your personality is different from what it really is? Isn't that asking for problems in the future? To be honest, it doesn't sound fair to the guy... what if he proposed because he likes the quiet serious type, and then it turns out you're not really like that?

Lambo5688

16-06-08, 02:50 AM

Make your teeth reeeaalll shiney. Then give them a sparkling smile. Trust me, it works.

sada

16-06-08, 03:15 AM

assalam...ukhtee,you seem u didn't listen about them so much from your husband or heard something which make u anxious:o...and i think ur mom can advise the best for u,they are in the same generation and ask her if she meets her bride what she cares...by the way,we like u with this shape of u,so i am sure they will like and care u however u are,wassalam...

GuCcI

16-06-08, 12:56 PM

Salaam sis Gucci,

Can you explain this?

Why were you trying to give your fiance the impression that your personality is different from what it really is? Isn't that asking for problems in the future? To be honest, it doesn't sound fair to the guy... what if he proposed because he likes the quiet serious type, and then it turns out you're not really like that?

no -

because i was told to be quiet :smack: and he'd always be like, u dont talk a lot, why dont u talk!?!?!?

so its not that bad... and now the only quiet time is when im sleeping :up:

muslimma

16-06-08, 01:08 PM

talk but not too much...

XRUHYX

16-06-08, 01:28 PM

Just be yourself and be polite, don't come across bossy or controlling, I don't see why u would need to change for them just think they are ur family too in ur head as if you keep thinking they are not and u need to act to impress them then they will think you don't think them to be ur family. Speak to them as you would with ur own parents but with just a bit more politeness that's all.