Attraction in marriage

[asalamualikum]

I know this has been discussed to an extent before. However do you think the importance of attraction in marriage varies, with regards to the age of the individuals. i.e I am 19 and may pay more attention to attractiveness than say a 25 year old brother who is more learned than me and may look at marriage from a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, my main criteria in choosing a spouse would be how pious she is and her personality, but after all you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, so there has to be some sort of physical attraction.

What do you guys think, especially the younger users?

[.: Anna :.]

I don't think the age necessarily has such an impact on that :s
Whatever their age, it is important to a certain extent.. the level of importance placed on it just varies from person to person. I think it depends more on their priorities and personality than the age..

[imported_MMS]

as a wise person once said, "you can instill deen into a not so practising person but you cant teach an ugly person to be good looking" - Jihaan et al (2007)

[rahma89]

Yeah i agree with you on this topic, but to an extent.
I am nearly 19 years of age and i do think that pysical appearance pays a contribution to who you choose to spend the rest of you're life with.

But as you grow older speaking from experience, you being to notice that the majority of people that are attractive and know they are, have a bad personality. Looks dissolve and as you get older it will not be such an issue, you need somebody that is focused on there deen and has realistic goals and you know that you will be able to talk with about anything. You don't really want somebody that will look good on your arm but doesn't possess qualities it takes to be a good mother/wife.



Hope this has helped you

every action is but by intention.

[bint]

25 isnt old. and 19 isnt young.

i think its a good age gap.

[Norton360]

There has to be some form of attraction amongst spouses after all that person will be the mother/father of your future children. Attraction doesnt necesarilly mean that the person in question has to be "gods gift" but there could be one single element which sets that person apart from their peers ie. a persons smile, eyes etc.

It totally depends on an individuals preference. However, attraction should not be the sole factor when spouse hunting but an added bonus. Personally, i would go for accents/nice sounding voice :D

[asalamualikum]

That is very true regarding the one element that will set the person apart from their peers. I think a nice smile will do it :)

[-Shamil-]

well if yer an ugly chap, you should go for someone in your own league

i should be some sort of marriage adviser - i got this marriage stuff under lock :cool:

anyone else need any help?

[asalamualikum]

You're pretty damn good shamil :)

[Reema]

well if yer an ugly chap, you should go for someone in your own league

i should be some sort of marriage adviser - i got this marriage stuff under lock :cool:

anyone else need any help?

:rofl1:What kinda advice is that?!??????

My husband to be is not extremely attractive as in blue eyes, blonde hair, tanned, tall and handsome and yet..he means everything to me. At one point I didnt think he was attractive at all but then I grew out of that and started to appreciate him more for other things. Appearance is important no doubt and im happy with the way he looks but its not everything.

[-Shamil-]

You're pretty damn good shamil :)


thank you thank you - i been giving marriage advice for years :D

:rofl1:What kinda advice is that?!??????

My husband to be is not extremely attractive as in blue eyes, blonde hair, tanned, tall and handsome and yet..he means everything to me. At one point I didnt think he was attractive at all but then I grew out of that and started to appreciate him more for other things. Appearance is important no doubt and im happy with the way he looks but its not everything

well the thread-starter said i was good :p
yeah as long as your happy at the way your future partner looks then its all good - thats what i said :D

[Pippin1376]

well if yer an ugly chap, you should go for someone in your own league

i should be some sort of marriage adviser - i got this marriage stuff under lock :cool:

anyone else need any help?

Brother a friend of mine wants to get married, but can't find anyone. What should she do?

[asalamualikum]

Shamil, you missed the sarcasm.

Reema you are quite right.

If you marry someone who is not so physically appealing initially, yet as you spend more time with them and your relationship as husband and wife gets stronger, they become more attractive to you due to their personality and other attributes.

[Medievalist]

Brother a friend of mine wants to get married, but can't find anyone. What should she do?

Put an advertising board round herself with - husband wanted! and stand outside the train station in your towncentre. :D

[-Shamil-]

Brother a friend of mine wants to get married, but can't find anyone. What should she do?

join ummah forums :D

nah she should tell her parents :coolbro:

am i good or am i good?

[Pippin1376]

Put an advertising board round herself with - husband wanted! and stand outside the train station in your towncentre. :D
That sounds great! Maybe I'll even get her to post a billboard that says "Husband wanted."

join ummah forums :D

nah she should tell her parents :coolbro:

am i good or am i good?

What if she got her parents to help, but she couldn't find anyone suitable. What do you then suggest?

[-Shamil-]

That sounds great! Maybe I'll even get her to post a billboard that says "Husband wanted."



What if she got her parents to help, but she couldn't find anyone suitable. What do you then suggest?

good things come to those who wait - she has to show patience :up:

[Pippin1376]

Mahsallah, nicely said brother. Maybe you should become a marriage advisor. :up:

[-Shamil-]

i am one - ive solved two marriage dilemmas on this thread already :D

wonder if i should quit accountancy and take this up full-time? lol :nerdbro:

[GuCcI]

there can be shallow people in their 30s you know :rolleyes:

[Kal-El]

I know this has been discussed to an extent before. However do you think the importance of attraction in marriage varies, with regards to the age of the individuals. i.e I am 19 and may pay more attention to attractiveness than say a 25 year old brother who is more learned than me and may look at marriage from a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, my main criteria in choosing a spouse would be how pious she is and her personality, but after all you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, so there has to be some sort of physical attraction.

What do you guys think, especially the younger users?

Attraction is not only in the eye of the beholder, but also in the heart as Reema said.

[`asiya]

Attraction is not only in the eye of the beholder, but also in the heart..

words of wisdom there masha Allah :up:

[tayfah-mansurah]

yeh definitely, attraction is important, otherwise marriage may stall somewhere early down the road. but obviously seeking someone who is religiously committed and has good character, would be top of the list


I know this has been discussed to an extent before. However do you think the importance of attraction in marriage varies, with regards to the age of the individuals. i.e I am 19 and may pay more attention to attractiveness than say a 25 year old brother who is more learned than me and may look at marriage from a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, my main criteria in choosing a spouse would be how pious she is and her personality, but after all you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, so there has to be some sort of physical attraction.

What do you guys think, especially the younger users?

[sis_niqabi]

Salam

i think looks play a part especially if your young. if your not attracted to the person it can cause huge problems. and in islam the man and woman are suppose to see each other before marriage so i think that's proof that looks play a part in marriage

[sajid]

Salams

how people can refer to others ugly is really beyond me

allah created everyone in a certain way calling someone ugly is mocking!

[Rosalie-Beauty]

i am one - ive solved two marriage dilemmas on this thread already :D

wonder if i should quit accountancy and take this up full-time? lol :nerdbro:

:rolleyes:oh my, get over yourself.:smack: With marriage counseling like that anyone can be one.

Besides a person's attractiveness is all in your head. What's beautiful is differnent in differing cultures. In the anceint Maya's for example they thought that an elongated head was beautiful when nowadays people would see it as a deformity.
So the point is, see the beauty in the diversity of all humans. There's a reason everyone looks different, and I believe that's one of them. There is no such thing as a naturally ugly person. People make themselves ugly.

[Rosalie-Beauty]

Attraction is not only in the eye of the beholder, but also in the heart as Reema said.

to add on:

Beauty is in the eye of its beholder. Meaning the person that holds the beauty. If a person appreciates the special unique beauty Allah (SWT) gave them then others will see it too. People who constantly say "I'm ugly" and have zero self esteem will eventually lead others to believe it too.

[afsalim]

I believe attraction does play a key role in selecting a partner. Personally, I wouldn't be able to marry anyone I'm not attracted to.

[asalamualikum]

It's very true to say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder as well as 'its' beholder.

However, there are general universal physical characterisitics that are used to judge a persons attractivenss.

One being symmetry of the the face, as this indicates freedom of disease apparently. Averageness is another major characterisitic of physical beauty:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Averageness

[shariff2]

I know this has been discussed to an extent before. However do you think the importance of attraction in marriage varies, with regards to the age of the individuals. i.e I am 19 and may pay more attention to attractiveness than say a 25 year old brother who is more learned than me and may look at marriage from a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, my main criteria in choosing a spouse would be how pious she is and her personality, but after all you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, so there has to be some sort of physical attraction.

What do you guys think, especially the younger users?

I am not 'young' by your standards. I hope you do not mind this reply to your post.
As others have pointed out, sometimes people who think they are attractive, lack in inner qualities.
Also others who do not look attractive to you, may be very attractive, just that they do not see it as a priority to 'glam' themselves up. They will be very attractive for their husbands. They just don't flash it around to anyone. These are the real pearls to look out for.
There are many TV programmes that show how a few tweaks here and there can make someone really attractive.
So brother, be careful! Just because someone does not look attractive, does not mean she cannot be!

Also let me point out that attraction goes both ways. Not just man being attracted to woman!
Many women find the inner qualities of a man attractive, more so than the physical appearance. Are you cultivating those?
As you say, you are spending the rest of your lives together, so make sure you are attractive to your wife too, in more ways than one!

[Stylish-Girly]

i dont think age plays a part in the desire for an attractive spouse, it depends on the individuals personal preference i believe

i am one - ive solved two marriage dilemmas on this thread already :D

wonder if i should quit accountancy and take this up full-time? lol :nerdbro:

Very funny brother, i think you should go for it :rotfl:

[Jilbabi]

I know this has been discussed to an extent before. However do you think the importance of attraction in marriage varies, with regards to the age of the individuals. i.e I am 19 and may pay more attention to attractiveness than say a 25 year old brother who is more learned than me and may look at marriage from a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, my main criteria in choosing a spouse would be how pious she is and her personality, but after all you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, so there has to be some sort of physical attraction.

What do you guys think, especially the younger users?

it depends on the person becos a 19 year old who is fairly mature may look for qualities a 25 year old would and vice versa

but those who are jus that .. 19 may not

beauty is in the eye of the beholder sooooo some1s beauty may be stunning2 one person and average 4 another

some attraction needs to be there, becos if its means that much2 sum1 they need2 consider it otherwise later problems will occur :)

[carol_au]

I read a nice quote today which fits here nicely I think insha'Allah


"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her". Anonymous

[Hayaa']

as a wise person once said, "you can instill deen into a not so practising person but you cant teach an ugly person to be good looking" - Jihaan et al (2007)

:rubeyes: who's the et al then? You I bet :p

[rukayya]

25 isnt old. and 19 isnt young.

i think its a good age gap.
salaam,
i agree, to marry young - between 19 and 25 is good... ! isnt it?
:up:

[LastFriday]

Salams

how people can refer to others ugly is really beyond me

allah created everyone in a certain way calling someone ugly is mocking!

Allah (swt) created people differently just like you said. Some beautiful, and maybe their beauty IS part of their test? Likewise, he made many who aren't. We can see this from the examples given to us in our religion. Yusuf (as) v.s. "the one sahabi who was short and not very attractive, julaibib?" (sorry forgot his name, correct me someone)

So indeed, unattractive (ugly) and attractive (beautiful) do exist. Also how about the famous scholar Ibn Hazm, author of the "The Ring of Dove", he was considered to be pretty unattractive too. He never got married.

Your right though, we shouldn't CALL people ugly, the term is too harsh in my opinion. But to deny that "they" exist, well, thats preposterous. Should we only look at their outwardly appearance? No, I think appearance is important, but not the #1 criteria. At least for me. It differs from person to person. Some people place beauty as their #1 criteria, and I've heard this from a lot of "pious" People, in my honest opinion, thats quite shallow.

[MMS]

:rubeyes: who's the et al then? You I bet :p

:rotfl: noway, im not that shallow :fairy:

i think most people if they see someone who has a nice personality and isn't that good looking, even though you really like the person's personality and feel attracted to their personality and inside reflects on the outside so it makes you attracted to them too, but then people think..... well they not very good looking, and then they will usually not want to marry them because of what other people will think of them, not because they don't feel attracted to them

like in beauty and the beast, everybody found him ugly, but then he had a nice personality so she was attracted to him physically aswell because his insides reflected his outside

it's like you know how some people think that tesco value bread tastes really good and its cheap and stuff but then they just go and buy the expensive one because they don't want other people to see that they are buying tesco value bread

it's a bit like that :( they care about what other people think rather than their own benefit, because if they bought tesco value bread they would get a better product which is cheaper, but they go and buy the expensive one that don't taste good and is more expensive, just for the appearance of the packaging

like some people will marry good looking people because they want other people to see that their spouses are good looking even though at home they get treated like crap by them :nuts:

[Joha]

like in beauty and the beast, everybody found him ugly, but then he had a nice personality so she was attracted to him physically aswell because his insides reflected his outside


isn't there something ironic about trying to explain the real world using an example from the world of fantasy and fairy tales :p

[asalamualikum]

I totally get what MMS is saying. I suppose it is simply human nature, to want others to see your spouse as attractive as well. I mean I've come across so many situations in college etc where you think wow this girl has a fantastic personality and she is really religious. After having spoken to her, your friend or someone would make a comment about her appearance and it would just put you off.

I guess we have to find a balance between the two, easier said than done.

[MMS]

isn't there something ironic about trying to explain the real world using an example from the world of fantasy and fairy tales :p

im sure it happens in the real world, hence you see them pretty sisters with ugly brothers :outta:

[Al-Farooq]

I totally get what MMS is saying. I suppose it is simply human nature, to want others to see your spouse as attractive as well. I mean I've come across so many situations in college etc where you think wow this girl has a fantastic personality and she is really religious. After having spoken to her, your friend or someone would make a comment about her appearance and it would just put you off.


No, that's just being feeble-minded.

If all is takes is one comment from a so-called friend, rather than your personal opinion, to put you off a sister who has a fantastic personality and is masha'Allah practising, then that is feeble-minded.

Think about what you want from a spouse, not want your friends want.

[asalamualikum]

I pray I grow out of this feeble mind as I mature.:coolbro:

[Al-Farooq]

I pray I grow out of this feeble mind as I mature.:coolbro:

LOL, I'll make dua for you akhi. :p

Think of it this way: you meet a wonderful sister, excellent character, masha'Allah practising, and you turn her down because your friend says she has a big nose.

Two weeks later, your friend emigrates and you never see him again.

How would you feel?

[twilight_sis]

Assalamu'alikum,

Im 21 and had a proposal from a bro who is 25, and he was the most materialistic person i have meet so far!!!! I have to say that physical attraction does play a big part in a marriage. I think that people should choose their partners who fit within their league! going back to the materialistic bro, he said no, coz he didn't like my hair :-o and i said no, because.... i felt i could get someone who was better in terms of deen and looks.

[-Shamil-]

Assalamu'alikum,

Im 21 and had a proposal from a bro who is 25, and he was the most materialistic person i have meet so far!!!! I have to say that physical attraction does play a big part in a marriage. I think that people should choose their partners who fit within their league! going back to the materialistic bro, he said no, coz he didn't like my hair :-o and i said no, because.... i felt i could get someone who was better in terms of deen and looks.

your not supposed to show him your hair til after marriage...and then its too late for him to disagree anyways

you messed up :smack:

[twilight_sis]

your not supposed to show him your hair til after marriage...and then its too late for him to disagree anyways

you messed up :smack:

say if i didn't have hair and i sent him a pic of me in a hijab, i think he would have the biggest shock when we are married and i take my hijab off. im sure if there was a proposal the bro would like to see your hair. isn't that why we cover our hair? becuase its to guard our modesty? and it is part of a womens beauty. so if a bro asked to see me without my hijab on, i would see him first, and if i think there was potential and he wanted to see me without my hijaab on, i would say yes. i don't think i messed up!!!!

[asalamualikum]

LOL, I'll make dua for you akhi. :p

Think of it this way: you meet a wonderful sister, excellent character, masha'Allah practising, and you turn her down because your friend says she has a big nose.

Two weeks later, your friend emigrates and you never see him again.

How would you feel?

I would feel both stupid and naive.

Al farooq do you mind if I ask, whether your married and if you are; was there an initial attraction to your wife or did it grow as you grew closer as a couple.

[Abu Mus'ab]

as a wise person once said, "you can instill deen into a not so practising person but you cant teach an ugly person to be good looking" - Jihaan et al (2007)
That was you who posted that from Jihaans account :nono:

[Al-Farooq]

I would feel both stupid and naive.

Al farooq do you mind if I ask, whether your married and if you are; was there an initial attraction to your wife or did it grow as you grew closer as a couple.

Yes, I'm married.

Initial attractions are very superficial, because they are simply based on looks alone. While it's important that there is an attraction, it shouldn't be something that is overstressed, because that physical attraction will never deepen upon it's own, it will only deepen as you fall in love with your wife through her strength of character and her dedication to her deen.

So many times I read on this board about people rejecting potential spouses because of silly reasons such as "their nose was too big" or "their hair was the wrong colour". What these people neglect to realise is that as they get to know their wives/husband characters and witness their love for Allah ta'ala, these physical quirks will become irrelevant.

That is why I always tell people that while attraction alone is a factor, their main focus should be on their partners deen and charcter, because through these aspects of a persons character, your love for them will grow insha'Allah.

I hope that answers your question. :)

[typical asian]

:rofl1:What kinda advice is that?!??????

My husband to be is not extremely attractive as in blue eyes, blonde hair... deutschland uber alles?

[Abu Mus'ab]

blue eyes and blond hair don't make a person attractive (nor does it make a person unattractive either), ah well i guess that'se just my opinion, hitler doesn't seem to agree with me.

[AbuMusaab]

Physical attraction is important, but not all there is. There is also a mental attraction that can be even greater than the physical one.
Intelligence, manners, and good character can make a beautiful person even more attractive. Bad manners, poor intelligence, and even worse character can take someone who is very physically attractive and make them extremely ugly.

It is better to focus on what matters in life, and not superficiality.

[-Shamil-]

i agree with both abu musabs :up:

deen and character define a person - and either make a person more attractive - tho having said that, non-hijabi's are fairly ugly in my opinion

[asalamualikum]

Yes, I'm married.

Initial attractions are very superficial, because they are simply based on looks alone. While it's important that there is an attraction, it shouldn't be something that is overstressed, because that physical attraction will never deepen upon it's own, it will only deepen as you fall in love with your wife through her strength of character and her dedication to her deen.

So many times I read on this board about people rejecting potential spouses because of silly reasons such as "their nose was too big" or "their hair was the wrong colour". What these people neglect to realise is that as they get to know their wives/husband characters and witness their love for Allah ta'ala, these physical quirks will become irrelevant.

That is why I always tell people that while attraction alone is a factor, their main focus should be on their partners deen and charcter, because through these aspects of a persons character, your love for them will grow insha'Allah.

I hope that answers your question. :)


Very nicely put, short and sweet. By the way your last line made me chuckle, reminded me of Dr Zakir Naik lol

[-muslimah-]

25 isnt old. and 19 isnt young.

i think its a good age gap.
yh i think soo tooo.

[Kal-El]

Personally, I find the whole idea of debating the relevance of attraction amongst spouses hilarious

[Miss-Neurofen]

say if i didn't have hair and i sent him a pic of me in a hijab, i think he would have the biggest shock when we are married and i take my hijab off. im sure if there was a proposal the bro would like to see your hair. isn't that why we cover our hair? becuase its to guard our modesty? and it is part of a womens beauty. so if a bro asked to see me without my hijab on, i would see him first, and if i think there was potential and he wanted to see me without my hijaab on, i would say yes. i don't think i messed up!!!!

^^

That has to be the most MESSED up kinda comment i have heard so far!!!! Man you need to learn more about WHY you observe your hijab....

[tayfah-mansurah]

it would be wise to tell that guy your bald in that case, to avoide dissapointment. check this out:

From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)

From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah: “I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’” According to another report: “So he did that, and he married her and mentioned that they got along.” (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574)


Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If he wants to marry a woman, he is not allowed to see her without a headcover. He may look at her face and hands when she is covered, with or without her permission. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘… and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…’ [al-Noor 24:31]. He said: ‘The face and hands.’” (al-Haawi al-Kabeer, 9/34).

it is clear that the majority of scholars say that a man is allowed to look at his fiancée’s face and hands, because the face indicates beauty or ugliness, and the hands indicate the slimness or plumpness (literally, ‘fertility’) of the body.

“From Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him)” ‘The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to marry a woman, so he sent another woman to look at her and said, “Smell her mouth (front teeth) and look at the back of her ankles.”

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj (2/128) it says: “What we understand from this report is that the one who is sent may describe to the one who sends her more than that which he himself may see, so this sending achieves more than just looking.”

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2572


say if i didn't have hair and i sent him a pic of me in a hijab, i think he would have the biggest shock when we are married and i take my hijab off. im sure if there was a proposal the bro would like to see your hair. isn't that why we cover our hair? becuase its to guard our modesty? and it is part of a womens beauty. so if a bro asked to see me without my hijab on, i would see him first, and if i think there was potential and he wanted to see me without my hijaab on, i would say yes. i don't think i messed up!!!!

[Sister-Ameena*]

No, that's just being feeble-minded.

If all is takes is one comment from a so-called friend, rather than your personal opinion, to put you off a sister who has a fantastic personality and is masha'Allah practising, then that is feeble-minded.

Think about what you want from a spouse, not want your friends want.


:salams I wholeheartedly agree. I mean your friend's should have some say, but not that much. It's your opinion that matters the most at the end.

You have to remember that everything you do is for the sake of Allaah, if it isn't then you'll notice that's it not beneficial to you. At the end of the day we all return to Allaah, and we must realize that being vain does not take you far and life and what we regard as ''beautiful'' in this day and age is all artificial.

[Stylish-Girly]

Assalamu'alikum,

Im 21 and had a proposal from a bro who is 25, and he was the most materialistic person i have meet so far!!!! I have to say that physical attraction does play a big part in a marriage. I think that people should choose their partners who fit within their league! going back to the materialistic bro, he said no, coz he didn't like my hair :-o and i said no, because.... i felt i could get someone who was better in terms of deen and looks.

Whats wrong with your hair? Thats a bit dumb isnt it unless you got bald patches and frizz jokin *imagines the aunty who used to perm alot in her days* :p

[Danniella]

I remember when i had a rejection purely because my hair was not long enough...:rubeyes:

Looking back, i think using petty/trivial excuses as too long/short hair, big/small nose is just a polite way of saying "There's no chance in hell you're gonna marry my son/daughter!" :D

[GuCcI]

Personally, I find the whole idea of debating the relevance of attraction amongst spouses hilarious

yeah me too!

u dont need attraction, sheeeesh :rolleyes:

[Safiya]

yeah me too!

u dont need attraction, sheeeesh :rolleyes:

Lol...

Back to the topic, um, this is a difficult one to give a reply to; I think how much this matters greatly differs from person-to-person, and it's not something that can really be explained. However, thinking logically, there has to be some attraction.

[Ebony]

^^

That has to be the most MESSED up kinda comment i have heard so far!!!! Man you need to learn more about WHY you observe your hijab....

Its not completely messed up. Some people follow this minority view opinion of taking hijaab off for a potential to be permissible. Do a thread search, it ws discussed a while back.

[miss-islamic]

Do people really reject proposals but saying why they rejected them, esp. when it’s because they didn’t like your hair, your face, age etc.? It’s bad enough to reject someone because of that but to tell the person? Wow and wow. :rubeyes: …guess it’s win situation in the end cuz who wants to marry a person like that anyway? Wow…

[*hijab*]

i do believe that attraction is an important part of marriage, because it increases the love...:inlove:

however, i don't think that 'looks' are everything and we shudn't just think about what the person luks like- they have to have the deen and character to go along with the gud luks-:coolbro:

as the character will be with u longer than the luks

there cud be people that may not be as gud luking as others but may have a fantastic personality, good sense of humour etc... n there cud be sumone that is very striking in the way they luk but their personality might stink...:(

but then again thats not to say that all gud luking people have bad personalities..it depends on the individual:up:

[NeverGoodEnough]

In general most people will give a certain degree of importance to a potential partner's looks whether they admit it or not. And I think there are only a few who will look past that completely and focus only a girl's/guy's piety and personality. And I must say well done to those who fall into the latter category but admittedly I do not.

If I'm honest, I wouldn't marry a girl who I didn't find attractive, even she was an excellent Muslim. I would need to be physically attracted to her as well. I'm not saying that she needs to look like a Miss World contestant just that she has simple qualities like nice eyes and a nice smile. :o

Thats not say that I would marry an attractive girl who couldn't care less about Islam. I would require her to be practicing but I wouldn't ask that she must be a great example probably because I am not either. Once we are married we can learn more together and improve together InshAllah.

That's my opinion anyway.

[*hijab*]

In general most people will give a certain degree of importance to a potential partner's looks whether they admit it or not. And I think there are only a few who will look past that completely and focus only a girl's/guy's piety and personality. And I must say well done to those who fall into the latter category but admittedly I do not.

If I'm honest, I wouldn't marry a girl who I didn't find attractive, even she was an excellent Muslim. I would need to be physically attracted to her as well. I'm not saying that she needs to look like a Miss World contestant just that she has simple qualities like nice eyes and a nice smile. :o

Thats not say that I would marry an attractive girl who couldn't care less about Islam. I would require her to be practicing but I wouldn't ask that she must be a great example probably because I am not either. Once we are married we can learn more together and improve together InshAllah.

That's my opinion anyway.

its funny becoz i was listening to islamic talk and the sheikh ws saying that men and women r different....

women can find attraction in personality...but if a man is not attracted to the person they dont really want to know the rest...if u understand wot i mean

but yh i think its important but its not only about looks...n nobody is perfect...u just have to find sumone that is willing to learn and improve in their deen:up:

[NeverGoodEnough]

women can find attraction in personality...but if a man is not attracted to the person they dont really want to know the rest...if u understand wot i mean

:

Maybe I should clarify.

Although I admit I wouldn't look further into someone I didn't find "physically attractive at all" I think its unfair to assume that men don't find attraction in personality because for me, when I see an undesirable personality within a girl my attraction for them is shattered regardless of beauty. And when I see good qualities such as honesty and compassion the attraction definitely increases.

I think as long as the sum of all the parts regarding, looks, personality and piety are enough for me that would make me interested in marrying a potential partner.

[*hijab*]

Maybe I should clarify.

Although I admit I wouldn't look further into someone I didn't find "physically attractive at all" I think its unfair to assume that men don't find attraction in personality because for me, when I see an undesirable personality within a girl my attraction for them is shattered regardless of beauty. And when I see good qualities such as honesty and compassion the attraction definitely increases.

I think as long as the sum of all the parts regarding, looks, personality and piety are enough for me that would make me interested in marrying a potential partner.

yes of course thats gud enough, never good enough lol

basically the person has to be n all rounder- they have to have a bit of everything inshaallah

n i thinks its right to say that a person becomes more attractive wen u find out about their positive qualities- like kindess honesty etc etc

[*hijab*]

I am not 'young' by your standards. I hope you do not mind this reply to your post.
As others have pointed out, sometimes people who think they are attractive, lack in inner qualities.
Also others who do not look attractive to you, may be very attractive, just that they do not see it as a priority to 'glam' themselves up. They will be very attractive for their husbands. They just don't flash it around to anyone. These are the real pearls to look out for.
There are many TV programmes that show how a few tweaks here and there can make someone really attractive.
So brother, be careful! Just because someone does not look attractive, does not mean she cannot be!

Also let me point out that attraction goes both ways. Not just man being attracted to woman!
Many women find the inner qualities of a man attractive, more so than the physical appearance. Are you cultivating those?
As you say, you are spending the rest of your lives together, so make sure you are attractive to your wife too, in more ways than one!

tru tru

[*hijab*]

im sure it happens in the real world, hence you see them pretty sisters with ugly brothers :outta:

:eek:

[sis_niqabi]

women can find attraction in personality...but if a man is not attracted to the person they dont really want to know the rest...if u understand wot i mean


i don't think that's true.

i just recently turned down a brother because of his looks. he's deen was good and all but i just couldn't bare even the thought of marrying him because of the way he looked. after the the first time meeting him i said no way!

and im sure there are men out there who don't worry about the outside much and marrying a woman for her personality.

it doesn't have anything to do with gender. it has to do with what's the person's preference

[*hijab*]

i don't think that's true.

i just recently turned down a brother because of his looks. he's deen was good and all but i just couldn't bare even the thought of marrying him because of the way he looked. after the the first time meeting him i said no way!

and im sure there are men out there who don't worry about the outside much and marrying a woman for her personality.

it doesn't have anything to do with gender. it has to do with what's the person's preference

yes, well this is wot i understood from wot the sheikh sed...but i dnt think he meant that completely, but may b he meant that sum men perhaps pay attention to looks more, whereas some women may be wooed by a persons personality...its not a generalisation :up: but this does not mean that women dnt pay attention to the way sum one luks and that men do not pay attention to the personality :up:

[thedon2008]

I'm not interested in arranged marriages they are a perfect way to get hitched to a freshie from Pakistan. My parents are open in that way so they wouldn't allow this to happen unless i agreed and they said to me i can marry who ever i like as long as its within the Islamic teachings.

I am going out with an Italian girl who is really beautiful so when i feel i am ready for marriage i will propose but at 19 it aint happening any time soon.

[FadlUH]

I'm not interested in arranged marriages they are a perfect way to get hitched to a freshie from Pakistan. My parents are open in that way so they wouldn't allow this to happen unless i agreed and they said to me i can marry who ever i like as long as its within the Islamic teachings.

I am going out with an Italian girl who is really beautiful so when i feel i am ready for marriage i will propose but at 19 it aint happening any time soon.

:salams

I would advise you not to go out with this girl and to pay attention to Deen over beauty. Not only is going out haram but it actually decreases your chances of marriage to the same person.

[Miss-Neurofen]

^^ So much for complying with Islamic teachings!!! :rolleyes:

Bro... Im not sure what you're understanding of "islamic teachings" is... But having a girlfriend is not in accordance to it...

[thedon2008]

^^ So much for complying with Islamic teachings!!! :rolleyes:

Bro... Im not sure what you're understanding of "islamic teachings" is... But having a girlfriend is not in accordance to it...

What you chatting about not complying with the Islamic Teachings what im doing is not haram in any way. I ain't having sex, kissing or any of that malarkhi just getting to know this one person on a level where i would be able to decide yea she the one or nah need to keep looking. People hear girlfriend and they get filth in their head.

[tayfah-mansurah]

rofl @ 'islamic teachings'. you better make sure that girls got no mafia connections or your getting whacked! foget about it!

I'm not interested in arranged marriages they are a perfect way to get hitched to a freshie from Pakistan. My parents are open in that way so they wouldn't allow this to happen unless i agreed and they said to me i can marry who ever i like as long as its within the Islamic teachings.

I am going out with an Italian girl who is really beautiful so when i feel i am ready for marriage i will propose but at 19 it aint happening any time soon.

[tayfah-mansurah]

so how long you planning on doing this, 4-5 years?? plenty of time to get up to no good dont you think?

What you chatting about not complying with the Islamic Teachings what im doing is not haram in any way. I ain't having sex, kissing or any of that malarkhi just getting to know this one person on a level where i would be able to decide yea she the one or nah need to keep looking. People hear girlfriend and they get filth in their head.

[thedon2008]

rofl @ 'islamic teachings'. you better make sure that girls got no mafia connections or your getting whacked! foget about it!

lol

there you go with the stereotyping and then we argue when non believers call us terrorist :rolleyes:

Firstly i never said i am going within the Islamic teaching that what my parents expect off me secondly im Pathan i don't fear no Mafia.

Do you believe every Muslim has an arranged marriage?

[Miss-Neurofen]

Well maybe because thats the general concept when one says he/she has a girlfriend... And from what u mentioned above, it sounded like just that, but do forgive me if i got it wrong :)

[tayfah-mansurah]

i hear pathans are big fan of guns :bangbang::boom:

lol

there you go with the stereotyping and then we argue when non believers call us terrorist :rolleyes:

Firstly i never said i am going within the Islamic teaching that what my parents expect off me secondly im Pathan i don't fear no Mafia.

Do you believe every Muslim has an arranged marriage?

[thedon2008]

so how long you planning on doing this, 4-5 years?? plenty of time to get up to no good dont you think?

Way i see it is if i stay committed to one girl it will reduce the chances off me chasing many girls if you know what i mean. If after two years i feel yeah she the one then i will marry her but if i feel nah this ain't going no where then i will end it. I have self control so i won't do anything sinful that shouldn't be done until marriage :up:

[tayfah-mansurah]

yeh and im sure i'll be seeing another one of those "i have done zina please help" threads some time soon then...

Way i see it is if i stay committed to one girl it will reduce the chances off me chasing many girls if you know what i mean. If after two years i feel yeah she the one then i will marry her but if i feel nah this ain't going no where then i will end it. I have self control so i won't do anything sinful that shouldn't be done until marriage :up:

[thedon2008]

i hear pathans are big fan of guns :bangbang::boom:

Only when we face a situation where they will come in handy :D

you never answered me do you believe all Muslims have arranged marriage?

[thedon2008]

yeh and im sure i'll be seeing another one of those "i have done zina please help" threads some time soon then...

Whats ZINA?














LOL jokin

[tayfah-mansurah]

no, they should do, otherwise they might bring some lunatic home to their parents


you never answered me do you believe all Muslims have arranged marriage?

[thedon2008]

no, they should do, otherwise they might bring some lunatic home to their parents

So you can't get a lunatic wife through arranged marriage? No lunatic considering you have never met the person before in most cases how can you be so sure? I have heard of many cases where the male has beat his wife after arranged marriage and also the women having run away after getting their stay.

[tayfah-mansurah]

perhaps you should read this:

Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/1114/boyfriend%20and%20girlfriend

QUOTE=thedon2008;2661395]Way i see it is if i stay committed to one girl it will reduce the chances off me chasing many girls if you know what i mean. If after two years i feel yeah she the one then i will marry her but if i feel nah this ain't going no where then i will end it. I have self control so i won't do anything sinful that shouldn't be done until marriage :up:[/QUOTE]

[thedon2008]

perhaps you should read this:

Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/1114/boyfriend%20and%20girlfriend

QUOTE=thedon2008;2661395]Way i see it is if i stay committed to one girl it will reduce the chances off me chasing many girls if you know what i mean. If after two years i feel yeah she the one then i will marry her but if i feel nah this ain't going no where then i will end it. I have self control so i won't do anything sinful that shouldn't be done until marriage :up:[/QUOTE]

LOL is this all you do

It is also forbidden to really be in situations where the opposite sex could make you have guilty thoughts but we have to attend college/university and are often facing these situations. Should we not get an education and how would we survive in the West?

As long as i am not taking the friendship on a route that is really sinful then i am not doing anything wrong. I am sure you have many friends of the opposite gender considering you are from the UK so my situation can be seen as that.

[Miss-Neurofen]

Bro... You would be surprised as to how many "UK" folks in here do NOT have friends of the opposite gender... Its not that uncommon you know :rolleyes:

[tayfah-mansurah]

whos talking about college/Uni here. I dont know about you, but i went to study. And your way off, dont have women friends:up:



LOL is this all you do

It is also forbidden to really be in situations where the opposite sex could make you have guilty thoughts but we have to attend college/university and are often facing these situations. Should we not get an education and how would we survive in the West?

As long as i am not taking the friendship on a route that is really sinful then i am not doing anything wrong. I am sure you have many friends of the opposite gender considering you are from the UK so my situation can be seen as that.[/QUOTE]

[thedon2008]

Bro... You would be surprised as to how many "UK" folks in here do NOT have friends of the opposite gender... Its not that uncommon you know :rolleyes:

Yeah and i would expect them to be over 28 etc.....

I'm 19 and am surrounded my good women daily who are not the kinds that have no respect for themselves. They are good people so what you want me to say listen up girl step away im Muslim? :rolleyes:

I find it strange that many Muslims do try and divide themselves from non believers yet we expect everyone to come to Islam. I have a friend who recently converted to Islam and two women i know are on the verge of coming to Islam.

[thedon2008]

whos talking about college/Uni here. I dont know about you, but i went to study. And your way off, dont have women friends:up:



LOL is this all you do

It is also forbidden to really be in situations where the opposite sex could make you have guilty thoughts but we have to attend college/university and are often facing these situations. Should we not get an education and how would we survive in the West?

As long as i am not taking the friendship on a route that is really sinful then i am not doing anything wrong. I am sure you have many friends of the opposite gender considering you are from the UK so my situation can be seen as that.[/QUOTE]

Bro i was comparing the situations thats why i brought uni/ college up.

I also know many Muslim friends who are really religious and i mean ones a Hajji and he has a girlfriend. He is planning on marrying her next year after he has got his folks permission.

[Miss-Neurofen]

Errrr.... no, they are younger than that, and older, and in fact younger than you are

[thedon2008]

Errrr.... no, they are younger than that, and older, and in fact younger than you are

Anyone younger then 19 really count your hormones don't even start playing up then do they? I don't know what town you lot come from cause i'll say 15 and up and boys have many friends who are of the opposite gender.

[tayfah-mansurah]

yeh i know a haji too, he runs a casino also :rolleyes:



Bro i was comparing the situations thats why i brought uni/ college up.

I also know many Muslim friends who are really religious and i mean ones a Hajji and he has a girlfriend. He is planning on marrying her next year after he has got his folks permission.[/QUOTE]

[thedon2008]

yeh i know a haji too, he runs a casino also :rolleyes:



Bro i was comparing the situations thats why i brought uni/ college up.

I also know many Muslim friends who are really religious and i mean ones a Hajji and he has a girlfriend. He is planning on marrying her next year after he has got his folks permission.[/QUOTE]

Wheres this Casino and is it Muslim friendly? Ladbrokes smells of fags and smelly geezers.










Lol jokin

[Miss-Neurofen]

Anyone younger then 19 really count your hormones don't even start playing up then do they? I don't know what town you lot come from cause i'll say 15 and up and boys have many friends who are of the opposite gender.

Not all...

[tayfah-mansurah]

does that make it right?

I don't know what town you lot come from cause i'll say 15 and up and boys have many friends who are of the opposite gender.

[thedon2008]

does that make it right?

Are you getting confused or something because when i say girlfriend i don't mean one who you can have sex and son on with just simply a friend that is female.

[tayfah-mansurah]

awwwww... lol
Are you getting confused or something because when i say girlfriend i don't mean one who you can have sex and son on with just simply a friend that is female.

[thedon2008]

awwwww... lol

What you mean awwww?

[tayfah-mansurah]

because you make it sound so harmless

What you mean awwww?

[thedon2008]

because you make it sound so harmless

It is when there ain't no harm being caused. You said so yourself it is perfectly normal if there is a 3rd person. :up:

[Abu Mus'ab]

yeh and im sure i'll be seeing another one of those "i have done zina please help" threads some time soon then...
:rotfl:

Sad but true.

[sis_niqabi]

People hear girlfriend and they get filth in their head.

well in Islam any relationship with a person of the opposite gender who is not your wife/husband or a relative is filthy in the sight of Allah.

if you want to a relationship with a member of the opposite gender then get married.

we are Muslims and we Muslims don't have girlfriends and boyfriends even if we are not having sex with them.

and this not my opinion this is Islam.

[NeverGoodEnough]

we are Muslims and we Muslims don't have girlfriends and boyfriends even if we are not having sex with them.

and this not my opinion this is Islam.

True. We can't argue with that can we?

Unless you have a mahram present on all your dates? LOL

Anyway this discussion seems to have drifted off the main point hasn't it?

[Jilbabi]

True. We can't argue with that can we?

Unless you have a mahram present on all your dates? LOL

Anyway this discussion seems to have drifted off the main point hasn't it?

:rotfl: