Do you find smart/sucessful women intimidating?

[Medievalist]

oooh:smack: im just so fed up wid every1 who thinks that obeying the husband means becoming a complete idiot

i agree. its the ones who disobey who are the idiots :smack:

[Butterfly18]

i agree. its the ones who disobey who are the idiots :smack:

ooh u gt me all wrong:smack: I meant the men outdere who think that obeying them means they're wifes have to brainlessly accept everything even if he asks her to drown herself in the backyard pond.

[thurber]

ooh u gt me all wrong:smack: I meant the men outdere who think that obeying them means they're wifes have to brainlessly accept everything even if he asks her to drown herself in the backyard pond.

The "brainlessness" may be what they have in common.

[vermeersch]

Hi KhalCool beans big up to my African peoples! Ugh don't spell it 'voodoo', that's what the gringos in Hollywood call it lol.Yep, vudu, vaudu, vadou, vodou - perhaps, vodun would be more correct. Voodoo refers to Louisiana http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louisiana_Voodoo so, as you say, to the "gringo version".
Just don't say "wudu", at least on a Muslim forum. Yeah, there are very strong Yoruba influences in our culture. I've made some Nigerian friends and compared some things. I was shocked at how we in the Diaspora have managed to retain so much of our culture, even after hundreds of years. It's just amazing to me.I agree, even if unfortunately I don't know much. It's also amazing how the common elements of West African religions have survived in very disparate settings (for one thing, both in Christian and in Islamic environment)

On this forum, "culture" is almost a swear word, as it's considered a deformation of Islam. On the other hand, it's true that peoples develop their identity, their "culture", and it's deeply wrong to ask persons to strip themselves of their identity. This is exactly what colonizers do.

Anyway, I was (superficially) involved in candomblé, and I found it fascinating.

[BlackAStani]

I would be very interested in what guys have to say regarding this, but would also like to see what our sisters have to say too!!

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine regarding this (she is a medic student) and she was talking about how some of her un married friends are finding it difficult to find husbands, cos when they hear the girls going to be a doctor, they back off. And i sort of know where she is coming from, as i know some guys from my uni days too, who despite having gone to uni themselves etc (naturally you would expect them to have a much more open mind towards something like this), say that they would not marry someone who is more qualified or earns more than they do....
IF a man is intimidated on something as simple as what a woman does for a living or how she supports herself then maybe he is insecure with himself, therefor not ready to be married? shouldnt one know themselves before they share themselves?

[KhalisahdaGreat]

may allah guide you :rubeyes:




....and me b4 you feel the need to say it :rolleyes:

InshAllah may he guide us all sister Amin. :)

[enchanted_1984]

intimidation comes from insecurities

[NeverGoodEnough]

Hopefully thats the end of it then...:zzz:

[muslimali1234]

assalamualaycum everyone

i have to say i agree with most of the brothers on this thread, i don't really find highly educated sisters intimidating but i just think from experience they are less humble, i mean i havent got a degree , masters doctorate etc i just work, and have been doing so from a young age i did go uni for one year though but as most people will know uni isnt for everyone i just got bored easy so carried on working, my main point is from a few lectures ive heard brothers find sisters who are too educated harder to approach for fear of rejection, even today my brother was approached by a father and the man was asking my lil brother questions and seemed pleased with most of his answers especially his deen but once my brother was asked what qualification do you have? and obv my brother said i dont really have any the questioner totally changed his approach and quickly left lol, conclusion is if you are well educated you should marry similar and if you are less educated which there is nothing wrong with you should also marry similar, remember the professions of all the ambiya of allah azawajall was a simple and humlbe sheep herder the most uneducated job there is but has the most blessings think about it. there's nothing wrong with sisters getting educated but they should only look for similar or more educated men than themselves and vice verca for less educated people.

[AbuMubarak]

an intelligent/smart/successful anyone, male or female is first, muslim

second, they fear Allah and act accordingly

having a career does not make you neither smart, nor successful, no matter how much money you make, or what degrees you have gained

[enchanted_1984]

an intelligent/smart/successful anyone, male or female is first, muslim

second, they fear Allah and act accordingly

having a career does not make you neither smart, nor successful, no matter how much money you make, or what degrees you have gained

I agree with your first two points.

However I would have to disagree partially with your last point. Graduating from university, pursuing even higher education, etc. does require a substantial amount of intelligence in a person. Success in a career depends on the career based challenges you have faced, how you’ve overcome them and eventually climbing up the corporate ladder.

[NeverGoodEnough]

I agree with your first two points.

However I would have to disagree partially with your last point. Graduating from university, pursuing even higher education, etc. does require a substantial amount of intelligence in a person. Success in a career depends on the career based challenges you have faced, how you’ve overcome them and eventually climbing up the corporate ladder.

But that doesn't mean that someone who didn't do it CAN'T do it.

I think that's what bro AbuM was talking about.

[*hijab*]

if someones educated it does NOT mean at all that he/she will be arrogant...thats a big fat stereotype that people need to get over...u cnt paint everyone with the same brush.

[NeverGoodEnough]

u cnt paint everyone with the same brush.

Damn right.

[enchanted_1984]

if someones educated it does NOT mean at all that he/she will be arrogant...thats a big fat stereotype that people need to get over...u cnt paint everyone with the same brush.

Precisely my point!

Or someone who's not educated is ignorant.

[in_exile]

when i find a smart successful woman who can spell successful i will let you know.... until then i'm searching for superman *outta*

[Tosh]

I would be very interested in what guys have to say regarding this, but would also like to see what our sisters have to say too!!

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine regarding this (she is a medic student) and she was talking about how some of her un married friends are finding it difficult to find husbands, cos when they hear the girls going to be a doctor, they back off. And i sort of know where she is coming from, as i know some guys from my uni days too, who despite having gone to uni themselves etc (naturally you would expect them to have a much more open mind towards something like this), say that they would not marry someone who is more qualified or earns more than they do....

Are such women happy for such a marriage as well?

I have heard some advice that a man should marry a women below his social class because then what he is able to provide for her would be sufficient to her expectations. Some women can cope and happily so, but still I don't know if most women would let go of a love for glitz, comfort and all those things, and I don't know if she should have to either.

I have met some extremely well educated and knowledgeable people mashaAllah who have not gone through formal educational establishments. Allah swt chooses who He guides and who He allows to attain and practice the best of knowledge.

Allahu Alim. Allah knows best.

[Abu Mus'ab]

when i find a smart successful woman who can spell successful i will let you know.... until then i'm searching for superman *outta*
:rotfl:

[AbuMubarak]

I agree with your first two points.

However I would have to disagree partially with your last point. Graduating from university, pursuing even higher education, etc. does require a substantial amount of intelligence in a person. Success in a career depends on the career based challenges you have faced, how you’ve overcome them and eventually climbing up the corporate ladder.
all a college degree means is that you have learned to conform and pass tests, you can regurgitate information in a manner pleasing to the tester

we have "intelligent" people saying the stupidest things, "educated" people who are leaders in immorality, and "college graduates" who say things like "there is no God:

so what in reality, in this world and the next, is the reason why so many muslims cherish secular education so much?

colonialism? inferiority complexes? i dont know, but the muslim world has had college graduates for the past 200-500 years and where has it gotten us?

[bakri60]

intimidation comes from insecurities


So true. What I find stimulating in an intelligent person, others may find intimidating. I'd like a woman to be as intelligent/successful (or more) as myself. It makes the relationship more interesting and satisfying.

[perfectpearl]

yes some men do. I feel men are intimidating with women they cant understand - sometimes even attracted by them too.

[perfectpearl]

I agree with your first two points.

However I would have to disagree partially with your last point. Graduating from university, pursuing even higher education, etc. does require a substantial amount of intelligence in a person. Success in a career depends on the career based challenges you have faced, how you’ve overcome them and eventually climbing up the corporate ladder.

I mean it does require your brain to work a little but personally me and you and everyone that went to uni knows that deep inside it didnt add much of a difference in making us smarter.

[tickledpinko]

Alot of men these days appreciate a woman with a good educational background, be it a Bachelor's degree, Master's or even Phd...they just don't like their women being more ambitious than them career-wise, this is what they find intimidating...even if they let their wives work and all after marriage, the men still want to feel like they are the main bread-winners.

Tip for the women, if you're a working wife who happens to earn more than hubby, don't tell him...and if he asks, well, be prepared, you'd have a gem of a man if he's the type who won't mind it, because in general men would feel insecure by this, and they'd be concerned when it comes to their wives being able to balance/manage her career and her duties as a wife and mother.
I don't blame them though, it does kind of throw things off balance, however we should remind them of the Propet's S.A.W marriage to Khadija R.A., and her status in wealth and material success when she married him (S.A.W). Good to remind our own womenfolk on this too, that didn't stop Khadija from being a beloved and devoted wife to the Prophet :)

[truepath]

To the original poster:

It depends on how you define "success/successful"

Personally, I never feel intimidated by a females qualification or her education record. It means little or nothin to me. I rather feel like they show some sort of pride and arrogance when they talk bout their educational achievements (i know it depends the way they put it across to you), if not full but atleast to an extent for what they have achieved. SOME of them make it out like as if they have conquered MOON or something... like some remarkable achievement. Even tho I accept that neither men are immune from pride or arrogance, however, I feel its creeps in women too easily because they dont see many among them are having achieving high education and qualifications.

While gaining education qualifications, like Abu Mubarak has said is no big deal at all. Anyone who puts right efforts can achieve it.

But alhamdulillah not all are like that. My SILs, wives of my older brothers ... both are highly qualified like having MBA and MCA's. However, they never act, behave or show any attitude which wud make it look like as if they are proud or big-headed or arrogant bout their educational achievements. My cousin sisters are all well qualified like one is CA, others are MBA and some are studying medicine... even my younger sister is soon to be a doctor by next year but we never see any pride and arrogance from her bout being a doctor.

So, education is good... infact great... but problem starts when women tend to behave as if their achievements is some sort of a big deal. Like what they have achieved is significant only because others have not achieved it.

For these reasons, I personally prefer someone whos rather humble, wise and obedient muslima rather than opting for a professional muslima as my life partner :)

[GuCcI]

I mean it does require your brain to work a little but personally me and you and everyone that went to uni knows that deep inside it didnt add much of a difference in making us smarter.

yep. going to university doesnt make u smart. and it certainly doesnt make u smarter :rolleyes: more than half the stuff u learn, which is mostly theory anyway, u dont end up using :rolleyes:

im in university and im not smart :o

[perfectpearl]

yep. going to university doesnt make u smart. and it certainly doesnt make u smarter :rolleyes: more than half the stuff u learn, which is mostly theory anyway, u dont end up using :rolleyes:

im in university and im not smart :o

actually you are. If you are smart enough to realize that than you are smarter than l75% of the western population. :up:

[WesternWoman]

Thank you for this blog! What a great topic, and what wonderful responses.

First, please let me state, I am from the US, I am not Muslim, AND I have a successful career (I think). I am not sure about that last statement since I often find myself on the bread line due to layoffs. This past week has been incredibly stressful. I am an executive that is about to be laid off. I am told it is budget cuts, but I think there is more to this story. Actually, I know there is more. I am intimidating 

I have to laugh at some of the responses to this blog. Let me take just a couple and explain my position. There is the infamous, “women belong in the home,” “men are the primary and/or sole breadwinner,” and “educated women are full of themselves.”

I was raised to be a wife and mother. Guess what men, I didn’t mind that either! I believe our primary responsibility is to our children and we owe it to them to rear them well. It is well known that the role of a mother is most important in the formative years (birth to 8 yrs) and that role is sacred. You know what, that’s a role, not a job.

A job is what we do to ensure that we can provide for our families. For many of us that is a career. For many women, that career is typically distorted to mean that she cares more about that then her children. I was one of those that developed a career. I had a simple philosophy – if you ain’t gonna bring in enough for me to stay home, I got to work. If I got to work, it better be worth the time away from my primary role (my children.) Simple, end of story. I see it this way, I have to be away for more than 10 hours a day anyway, why not make it worth it and pursue a career?

A man’s role as a parent is most important after the child reaches the age of 8. Ask any psychologist and they will tell you that this is true. Children learn about themselves from their mother and how to relate to the world from their father. Following the logic of roles and responsibilities – does that mean that a father must quit their jobs to focus on their responsibilities to their children? I should think not. Does a working parent take away from a child? In the young years, quite possibly. I submit, however, that children suffering from a lack of parental dedication would have weather or not the mom worked. But I dare to ask you to consider when the worst behaviors of a child happen…… oops, that would be at puberty now wouldn’t it?

Oh, and I love our family’s perspective. We want too much, we are too materialistic, if only we wouldn’t live beyond our means. Of course that is from folks whose house was less than $75,000 USD. That same house today is well over $300,000 USD. I would like to see them, do what we do with what we have coming in. We don’t have multiple cars because we are materialistic, we all work, and we all work differing schedules just to make ends meet. Guess that blows tons of holes in the theory of “sole” breadwinner.

Educated women are full of themselves is another very arrogant statement. In my religion, we are told that we are all provided with gifts from God and that our responsibility is to use those gifts wisely and to expand them to the glory of God and to not do so is a great sin. This is very contradictory to the theory that education somehow lessons the person. What I will admit is that women that have any level of self-esteem would tend to get education beyond what is provided in the home and primary school. Why, simple, she believes in herself enough to know that she not only should, but can do more in this life that would glorify God. Also, an educated wife and mother tends to produce equally educated children since she is the primary caretaker in the early years (remember those formative years?)

As you can tell, I guess, I am intimidating to many. You know what, so what? I am doing what I feel is best when I need to do it. I expect my husband to not only support me, but to encourage me. That expectation is not without validity – here again, God tells him to do that too!

For those that consider me intimidating I have a simple ending comment – if you are so unsure of yourself as to need to ridicule a woman for trying, you deserve what life throws at you, simply, you are not man enough to share in the privilege of a sound and successful union with a woman that would actually serve as your partner and peer. As someone else commented on this blog. A union that is purely physical and without intellectual stimulation is not a union – it’s slavery and greatly harms both in the union because neither persons in the union grow and expand those prescious gifts God gave them.

[AbuMubarak]

welcome to the forum

you should post in the intro section, i forgot where it is

and tell us about you

me, i am just a porter here, thats it

welcome again

[LastFriday]

Can someone summarize the last 27 pages???

[AbuMubarak]

smart women are obedient to Allah and their husbands

success is determined by obedience to Allah and His Messenger

the rest is nonsense

[LastFriday]

smart women are obedient to Allah and their husbands

success is determined by obedience to Allah and His Messenger

the rest is nonsense


Wait, your summarizing it for me right?

[AbuMubarak]

isnt that what you requested?

[LastFriday]

isnt that what you requested?

Yeah. Its just. The way I see someone replying to my post is when they Quote my previous one...^_^" :jkk:

[Cartman]

smart women are obedient to Allah and their husbands

success is determined by obedience to Allah and His Messenger

the rest is nonsense

that's like saying men shouldn't work because their only duty is to be obedient to Allah, his messenger and their parents.

[`asiya]

that's like saying men shouldn't work because their only duty is to be obedient to Allah, his messenger and their parents.

part of a mans duty and his obedience to Allah is to work, and provide an income for his family.

[`asiya]

Thank you for this blog! What a great topic, and what wonderful responses.

First, please let me state, I am from the US, I am not Muslim, AND I have a successful career (I think). I am not sure about that last statement since I often find myself on the bread line due to layoffs. This past week has been incredibly stressful. I am an executive that is about to be laid off. I am told it is budget cuts, but I think there is more to this story. Actually, I know there is more. I am intimidating 

I have to laugh at some of the responses to this blog. Let me take just a couple and explain my position. There is the infamous, “women belong in the home,” “men are the primary and/or sole breadwinner,” and “educated women are full of themselves.”

I was raised to be a wife and mother. Guess what men, I didn’t mind that either! I believe our primary responsibility is to our children and we owe it to them to rear them well. It is well known that the role of a mother is most important in the formative years (birth to 8 yrs) and that role is sacred. You know what, that’s a role, not a job.

A job is what we do to ensure that we can provide for our families. For many of us that is a career. For many women, that career is typically distorted to mean that she cares more about that then her children. I was one of those that developed a career. I had a simple philosophy – if you ain’t gonna bring in enough for me to stay home, I got to work. If I got to work, it better be worth the time away from my primary role (my children.) Simple, end of story. I see it this way, I have to be away for more than 10 hours a day anyway, why not make it worth it and pursue a career?

A man’s role as a parent is most important after the child reaches the age of 8. Ask any psychologist and they will tell you that this is true. Children learn about themselves from their mother and how to relate to the world from their father. Following the logic of roles and responsibilities – does that mean that a father must quit their jobs to focus on their responsibilities to their children? I should think not. Does a working parent take away from a child? In the young years, quite possibly. I submit, however, that children suffering from a lack of parental dedication would have weather or not the mom worked. But I dare to ask you to consider when the worst behaviors of a child happen…… oops, that would be at puberty now wouldn’t it?

Oh, and I love our family’s perspective. We want too much, we are too materialistic, if only we wouldn’t live beyond our means. Of course that is from folks whose house was less than $75,000 USD. That same house today is well over $300,000 USD. I would like to see them, do what we do with what we have coming in. We don’t have multiple cars because we are materialistic, we all work, and we all work differing schedules just to make ends meet. Guess that blows tons of holes in the theory of “sole” breadwinner.

Educated women are full of themselves is another very arrogant statement. In my religion, we are told that we are all provided with gifts from God and that our responsibility is to use those gifts wisely and to expand them to the glory of God and to not do so is a great sin. This is very contradictory to the theory that education somehow lessons the person. What I will admit is that women that have any level of self-esteem would tend to get education beyond what is provided in the home and primary school. Why, simple, she believes in herself enough to know that she not only should, but can do more in this life that would glorify God. Also, an educated wife and mother tends to produce equally educated children since she is the primary caretaker in the early years (remember those formative years?)

As you can tell, I guess, I am intimidating to many. You know what, so what? I am doing what I feel is best when I need to do it. I expect my husband to not only support me, but to encourage me. That expectation is not without validity – here again, God tells him to do that too!

For those that consider me intimidating I have a simple ending comment – if you are so unsure of yourself as to need to ridicule a woman for trying, you deserve what life throws at you, simply, you are not man enough to share in the privilege of a sound and successful union with a woman that would actually serve as your partner and peer. As someone else commented on this blog. A union that is purely physical and without intellectual stimulation is not a union – it’s slavery and greatly harms both in the union because neither persons in the union grow and expand those prescious gifts God gave them.

welcome to the forum :)

for a muslim, we are all required to seek knowledge, man and woman. even in the time of our prophet :saw: he went to great lengths to ensure that every muslim was taught to read and write, something the western world didnt take on till 1000 years later in the late 1700`s. we are way ahead when it comes to seeing that men and women are highly educated, not only in their early years, but throughout life, our education never ends. muslims built the first universities and colleges, many hundreds of years before it was considered necessary for a man or a woman to be educated in the west. We are ahead in this regard.

Allah had made men the maintainers and protectors of men, there are of course instances when women work, sometimes due to circumstances, and necessity especially in fields where women require women to attend to them, ie: doctors, nurses dentists businesses etc. we dont indulge in mortage, and we try to live within our means, not taking out loans or getting into debt ( whic is a serious issue for us even if the debt is small ) so ideally our overheads will not be high enough to force a woman out to work, leaving her children at home or with someone else .

In Islam children have rights too, before conception they have the right to be born within a marriage with two parents, and the right to be breastfed and cared for by their mothers, the father out working which of course would come under setting a good example, and bringing provision for his family, the mother is the primary carer, she has a soft and emotional nature, to be able to nurture the children. we are not out of touch, but we do have a different lifestyle and priorities and view of the world, as our concern is not only this world but the hereafter and seeking the pleasure of our Lord by adhering to the beautiful societal rules and guidelines, set by our creator who knows what is best for us.

[AbuMubarak]

that's like saying men shouldn't work because their only duty is to be obedient to Allah, his messenger and their parents.i am surprised at this response coming from youpart of a mans duty and his obedience to Allah is to work, and provide an income for his family.thank you sis for taking the words out of my mouth

[Abu Suleiman]

smart women are obedient to Allah and their husbands

success is determined by obedience to Allah and His Messenger

the rest is nonsense

so the bottom line is that smart women are successful?

[`asiya]

so the bottom line is that smart women are successful?

smart women are successful in this world and the ahikra through their obedience to Allah ta ala.. that is the only sucess worthy of measure.

[Abu Mus'ab]

smart women are obedient to Allah and their husbands

success is determined by obedience to Allah and His Messenger

the rest is nonsense
Aye.

The people who regard success as having many degrees yet being devoid of emaan are (in Malcom X's words) house negros.

[truepath]

smart women are successful in this world and the ahikra through their obedience to Allah ta ala.. that is the only sucess worthy of measure.

:up:

[NeverGoodEnough]

^^ The above is true of course.

But this topic is about those women who are successful in dunya terms such as through career and study.

Do you find them intimidating?

[Cartman]

i am surprised at this response coming from youthank you sis for taking the words out of my mouth

meh...I had to disagree with you there..There is raelly nothing wrong with a woman earning a degree and doing a halal job...

for examples my moms has a bachelor's degree in Nursing and works as a nurse in the hospital.....doesn't make her any less obedient to my father or to Allah

[truepath]

meh...I had to disagree with you there..There is raelly nothing wrong with a woman earning a degree and doing a halal job...

for examples my moms has a bachelor's degree in Nursing and works as a nurse in the hospital.....doesn't make her any less obedient to my father or to Allah

Point is:

Does stuff highlighted in red and blue would intimate a man or not. Shud it?

[Cartman]

but no it shouldn't....As long as she's not making nearly as much money as the man, usually the man should not be intimidated

[Um Abdullah]

things like the sisters who are a doctor, its not necessarily because they are intimidated but sometimes for practical reasons. like i do know of some brothers who have had second thoughts about some because they do want to work as a doctor. not because they feel insecure about that, but more like they are not too keen about the long hours of that job. because the husband would also be working, since that is his duty. if wife's hours as very long like his then what about children when they are born, if she doesn't want to give up the job at that point then who will look after them? and things like looking after house, cooking, even that the husband and wife wont be able to spend much time together because both are working such long hours. Sometimes those hours are even quite antisocial like nightshifts etc. I do understand if a bro feels like that, it doesn't have to mean there is something wrong with their character and they are intimidated

I agree with sister Anna

[truepath]

Forbes.com says: Don't Marry Career Women

By Michael Noer

How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well, say social scientists.

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

Many factors contribute to a stable marriage, including the marital status of your spouse's parents (folks with divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves), age at first marriage, race, religious beliefs and socio-economic status. And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married--it's just that they are less likely to be so than nonworking women. And that, statistically speaking, is the rub.

To be clear, we're not talking about a high school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a "career girl" has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill ( American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier ( Institute for Social Research).

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson says. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours), have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality."

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 times more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas). Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. According to a 2004 paper titled "What Do Social Scientists Know About the Benefits of Marriage?," marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances" and higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

PS: So even the kuffar, and not the ordinary kuffar but intellectuals among them are saying the same thing... women who focus on careers will not be a good wife.

So marry someone who prioritizes her deen more than her career.

Who is willing to adjust her career around her deen. And not the one who adjusts her deen for her career

[Abu Mus'ab]

My post got deleted? :scratch: i suppose some people decided my post wasn't of value to the thread *Roll Eyes*

[truepath]

My post got deleted? :scratch: i suppose some people decided my post wasn't of value to the thread *Roll Eyes*

Stop crying and get on with it.

In this thread it shows my posts have been deleted.

I have just now checked few other threads... and some of my posts have dissappeared as if they never existed in those threads.

So allow it.

[*hijab*]

i sumtimes find this a bit upsetting...because i know that there are sisters, who are degree holders or educated, but all they want to do is settle down and strt a family

and wud happily stay at home and not work, and if their husbands didnt want them to work, they wud happily obey and not work

so i do think its unfair if a person holds ure degree or education against u and stereotype you becus of this

[Abu Mus'ab]

Stop crying and get on with it.

In this thread it shows my posts have been deleted.

I have just now checked few other threads... and some of my posts have dissappeared as if they never existed in those threads.

So allow it.
Looks like the one who's crying is you gramps :rotfl:

[GothiKa]

meh...I had to disagree with you there..There is raelly nothing wrong with a woman earning a degree and doing a halal job...

for examples my moms has a bachelor's degree in Nursing and works as a nurse in the hospital.....doesn't make her any less obedient to my father or to Allah

Some people here think women shouldn't be allowed to enroll in universities or wok because they face the risk of committing unIslamic acts. This is basically a slippery slope argument (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slippery_slope). It might just as well be argued that all men should be castrated so that they are not tempted into sexual immorality.

When people don't know logic, they will issue all sorts of silly verdicts.

[Cartman]

Some people here think women shouldn't be allowed to enroll in universities or wok because they face the risk of committing unIslamic acts. This is basically a slippery slope argument (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slippery_slope). It might just as well be argued that all men should be castrated so that they are not tempted into sexual immorality.

When people don't know logic, they will issue all sorts of silly verdicts.

agree

[Joha]

This is basically a slippery slope argument (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slippery_slope). It might just as well be argued that all men should be castrated so that they are not tempted into sexual immorality.


I'm loving this argument, where's Br Abu Mubarak? He normally has something interesting to say on this :D (said, for once, without sarcasm)