View Full Version : "Zaa gi tor baafor goro"
Miss-Neurofen
07-06-08, 03:41 AM
Hi this is a thread i started in another forum not so long ago, just thought id copy and paste it here and see what views i get here....
For those of you who do not understand what the above title means, it says "Go back to your fathers house..."
I was at someones house this afternoon with my grandfather.... And witnessed something which really angered and disgusted me
We were there for election purposes, the couple were supposed to send off for postals but forgot and rang my grandfather asking if it was still possible for them to opt for postals as his wife was heavily pregnant and may not be able to go polling station. So we went over to arrange for a last minute proxy. There were children making alot of racket and the man shouted at them a few times asking them to quieten down, then the wife came in with tea for us all. He then started shouting at his wife, blaming her for the noise the children were making and saying she cannot control and discipline her children. He then hit her, much to my shock, in front of us, purely because she argued back. He then started shouting abuse at her when she walked off, telling her not to give him the eyes else he will send her packing back to her parents'.
I found his behaviour so unnatural and cruel. How dare he do this to his wife, and also put us through the embarassment of sitting there and witnessing such barbaric behaviour? I felt so helpless, i wanted to get up get this man to realise what he has done, and how wrong it is, but it was none of my business, and would probably have gotten an earful from my grandfather had i have done. I regret it now thinking back...
There are so many women who probably go through this on a daily basis, most from back home who most probably cannot retaliate back due to fear, and the reason that they may not have immediate family in this country to turn to.....
What are your views?
Basil al-Mamluk
07-06-08, 03:54 AM
What are your views?
He's a coward. Men do not hit women. I've been in situations where, if the things done to me by a woman would have been done by a man, he would have had a beating so severe who knows when he would get out of the hospital but I just gritted my teeth and beared it because MEN DO NOT HIT WOMEN.
Medievalist
07-06-08, 08:09 AM
They shouldnt have argued infront of guests. :nono:
If one person acts inappropriately, the other shouldnt.
btw - what language is the thread title?
muslimah85
07-06-08, 08:14 AM
Bengali i think? :scratch:
muhammed_1428
07-06-08, 09:04 AM
At first I was thinking "if he does that in front of you guys imagine what he would be capable of behind closed doors" but then again if he doesn't seem ashamed to do this in front of guests, and neither is she for arguing back to him (making her just as bad IMO with regards to arguing back only).
Lol, it seemed the kids needed a good smack to quieten down! Then again its not time to do the blame game here and whats done is done.
Whoever this man is needs to realise that hitting is wife isn't really doing him or his wife any favours. They both need to learn never to argue in front of guests or else they'll be less embarassed to in the future and in fact, use the guests as ammunition for their arguments! <-- (and that is when it gets awkward!)
Norton360
07-06-08, 09:49 PM
I have actually witnessed something very similar myself however, it went a lot further than what you have mentioned. The act of vulgarity shocked me to my very core as it happened in front of my mum and my siblings! It was a proper physical fight and I had never seen anything like this in reality (between spouses) :rubeyes:
My mum and I just exchanged looks as we were totally helpless, but after several seconds my mum got up and tried to intervene by telling the perpetrator to leave her alone while he carried on abusing his wife. I lost hope in humanity!
Norton360
07-06-08, 09:51 PM
I have actually witnessed something very similar myself however, it went a lot further than what you have mentioned. The act of vulgarity shocked me to my very core as it happened in front of my mum and my siblings! It was a proper physical fight and I had never seen anything like this in reality (between spouses) :rubeyes:
My mum and I just exchanged looks as we were totally helpless, but after several seconds my mum got up and tried to intervene by telling the perpetrator to leave her alone, but to no avail as he carried on abusing his wife. I lost hope in humanity!
Miss-Neurofen
13-06-08, 03:46 AM
Its awful though... I mean do these men have no respect for others?? Its just absoloutely barbaric!!!
ImaanSeeker
13-06-08, 12:46 PM
Bengali i think? :scratch:
it is? must be sylheti then?
AbooEesa
13-06-08, 01:01 PM
Hitting you wife or any woman is just wrong! What makes it even worse is, if im not incorrect in saying his wife was heavily pregnant as well!
REAL MEN DONT BEAT WOMAN!
Norton360
13-06-08, 03:59 PM
yes its bengali, even the very sentence sounds crude!
wifeseeker
13-06-08, 11:07 PM
ruff
Miss-Neurofen
14-06-08, 12:34 AM
yes its bengali, even the very sentence sounds crude!
Unless you know how to speak the language, how would you know whats crude or not? :/
Hitting you wife or any woman is just wrong! What makes it even worse is, if im not incorrect in saying his wife was heavily pregnant as well!
REAL MEN DONT BEAT WOMAN!
exactly, which man in his right man hits and beats a pregnant woman? :confused: :confused: What a lousy ****bag:rolleyes:
I'm sorry but if I had witnessed this, the man would be sitting in an emergency room waiting for casts because I would have broken both his arms. There is absolutely no reason, short of self defence, that a man should ever hit his wife
as salamu alaikum,
the language is sylheti (bangali, but more specifically its sylheti).
the wife was wrong to argue back infront of others. she should know doing so would make her moronic husband mad.
his fault is hitting her and mistreating her. her fault is marrying him.
too many good muslimahs these days making the worst decision in marriage. truly sad....
as salamu alaikum
Miss-Neurofen
14-06-08, 06:19 AM
as salamu alaikum,
his fault is hitting her and mistreating her. her fault is marrying him.
too many good muslimahs these days making the worst decision in marriage. truly sad....
as salamu alaikum
I TOTALLY agree!!!
Norton360
14-06-08, 01:05 PM
Unless you know how to speak the language, how would you know whats crude or not? :/
I can speak the language as I am Bengali myself.
To be honest right the lady does not seem that much of a character herself, if she argued back infront of guests. She should have waited till the guests had left and then said something. So they are both at fault and as a lot of us know 99.9% of the time its mostly men who get hot-headed very easily and women have the ability to calm a situation before it gets out of hand, she should have assessed the situation and made a better decision by either walking away and attending to the kids and then addressing the issue once the guests leave. I think this is where a lot of marriages go wrong, people dont enquire prior to marriage how the other deals with conflict. We all talk about being compatible, but how often do people discuss being compatible when it comes to conflict resolution??
Advising the woman to leave or saying she should not have married him is wrong and I think brings another issue, a lot of people dont think marriages are worth fitin for these days and advise seperation at the first few hurdles.
RazielTemp
14-06-08, 01:36 PM
Hi this is a thread i started in another forum not so long ago, just thought id copy and paste it here and see what views i get here....
For those of you who do not understand what the above title means, it says "Go back to your fathers house..."
I was at someones house this afternoon with my grandfather.... And witnessed something which really angered and disgusted me
We were there for election purposes, the couple were supposed to send off for postals but forgot and rang my grandfather asking if it was still possible for them to opt for postals as his wife was heavily pregnant and may not be able to go polling station. So we went over to arrange for a last minute proxy. There were children making alot of racket and the man shouted at them a few times asking them to quieten down, then the wife came in with tea for us all. He then started shouting at his wife, blaming her for the noise the children were making and saying she cannot control and discipline her children. He then hit her, much to my shock, in front of us, purely because she argued back. He then started shouting abuse at her when she walked off, telling her not to give him the eyes else he will send her packing back to her parents'.
I found his behaviour so unnatural and cruel. How dare he do this to his wife, and also put us through the embarassment of sitting there and witnessing such barbaric behaviour? I felt so helpless, i wanted to get up get this man to realise what he has done, and how wrong it is, but it was none of my business, and would probably have gotten an earful from my grandfather had i have done. I regret it now thinking back...
There are so many women who probably go through this on a daily basis, most from back home who most probably cannot retaliate back due to fear, and the reason that they may not have immediate family in this country to turn to.....
What are your views?
Alhumdulillah, I have not seen any women go through this, but I have heard one or two possibilities ...
the Man obviously isn't a Man any more ...
This emphasises the point of lookinto the character of a Person before marrying them, asking relatives about their Akhlaq ...
She is Not supposed to retailiate back (ie. shout back at him, and hit him etc ...) that would only make things worse, but she should seek counsel fpor the abuse she is going through, and if he does not repent and ask for her forgiveness, all attempts of reconcilling his Jahil behaviour fail, then she aught to get her marriage Nullified, and leave this idiot to his own destruction,
:jkk:
tayfah-mansurah
15-06-08, 01:20 AM
the fact that the arguing and hitting was done infront of others makes it much worse
Alhumdulillah, I have not seen any women go through this, but I have heard one or two possibilities ...
the Man obviously isn't a Man any more ...
This emphasises the point of lookinto the character of a Person before marrying them, asking relatives about their Akhlaq ...
She is Not supposed to retailiate back (ie. shout back at him, and hit him etc ...) that would only make things worse, but she should seek counsel fpor the abuse she is going through, and if he does not repent and ask for her forgiveness, all attempts of reconcilling his Jahil behaviour fail, then she aught to get her marriage Nullified, and leave this idiot to his own destruction,
:jkk:
Miss-Neurofen
15-06-08, 01:35 AM
I can speak the language as I am Bengali myself.
To be honest right the lady does not seem that much of a character herself, if she argued back infront of guests. She should have waited till the guests had left and then said something. So they are both at fault and as a lot of us know 99.9% of the time its mostly men who get hot-headed very easily and women have the ability to calm a situation before it gets out of hand, she should have assessed the situation and made a better decision by either walking away and attending to the kids and then addressing the issue once the guests leave. I think this is where a lot of marriages go wrong, people dont enquire prior to marriage how the other deals with conflict. We all talk about being compatible, but how often do people discuss being compatible when it comes to conflict resolution??
Advising the woman to leave or saying she should not have married him is wrong and I think brings another issue, a lot of people dont think marriages are worth fitin for these days and advise seperation at the first few hurdles.
Yes, agree, the wife was in the wrong for arguing back, but even so, that still does not give a man the license to hit.... But with all honesty, the husband was the first to shout at her in front of us and humiliate her, plus she is a heavily pregnant woman, and we all know women are a little emotional during this period, hormones are all over the place. They need to be treated with all sensitivity, yet her husband was doing quite the opposite...
Bengali i think? :scratch:
huh? really? :rubeyes:
afsalim
15-06-08, 09:47 AM
Bengali i think? :scratch:
It's sylhetti. Sylhetti is an independent language, quite different from mainstream Bangla.
Its awful though... I mean do these men have no respect for others?? Its just absoloutely barbaric!!!
The man is a monster. Any man who hits his wife is a monster. If I was present there, I would have beaten the man senseless. Five types of people I have no respect for: racists, pedophiles, murderers, rapists and wife-beaters.
RazielTemp
15-06-08, 11:56 AM
It's sylhetti. Sylhetti is an independent language, quite different from mainstream Bangla.
The man is a monster. Any man who hits his wife is a monster. If I was present there, I would have beaten the man senseless. Five types of people I have no respect for: racists, pedophiles, murderers, rapists and wife-beaters.
it is a dialect, not an independant language,
the Official language is Shudho Bangla, proper standard bengali ... sylhetu is derived from it ...
its like slang ...
:jkk:
ImaanSeeker
15-06-08, 02:51 PM
it is a dialect, not an independant language,
the Official language is Shudho Bangla, proper standard bengali ... sylhetu is derived from it ...
its like slang ...
:jkk:
bro, dont tell me you are bangali too??
yeah its pretty insulting to a girl's family if she is sent back to her father's house by her husband or inlaws.
SHAAAAAAME
:rolleyes:
RazielTemp
15-06-08, 03:26 PM
bro, dont tell me you are bangali too??
I am a proper Bangali bhai ... :D
lol, short answer yeah ...:up:
:jkk:
ImaanSeeker
15-06-08, 03:39 PM
I am a proper Bangali bhai ... :D
lol, short answer yeah ...:up:
:jkk:
haha, that's awesome bro
:jkk:
Miss-Neurofen
15-06-08, 05:14 PM
yeah its pretty insulting to a girl's family if she is sent back to her father's house by her husband or inlaws.
SHAAAAAAME
:rolleyes:
I may be wrong in this, but i think i read somewhere, saying that is the same as saying divorce to your wife, even raising your voice at her etc mounts to automatic divorce or something? As i said im unsure, so please do correct me if i am wrong...
afsalim
15-06-08, 05:48 PM
it is a dialect, not an independant language,
the Official language is Shudho Bangla, proper standard bengali ... sylhetu is derived from it ...
its like slang ...
:jkk:
Nope. Not a dialect. Sylhetti is an independent language. It has derived from Assamese language. Sylhetti also has its own writing script, called 'Sylhetti Nagari'.
Shuddho Bangla or the language we speak is one of many dialects.
Miss-Neurofen
15-06-08, 05:55 PM
Nope. Not a dialect. Sylhetti is an independent language. It has derived from Assamese language. Sylhetti also has its own writing script, called 'Sylhetti Nagari'.
Shuddho Bangla or the language we speak is one of many dialects.
I have to disagree with u on that... like Raziel said, Sylheti is a dialect, derived from Shuddho. It is just as much a dialect as is chitagongi basha, noakhali etc
Sylheti does not have its own writing script, and even if this sylheti nagari does exist, i dont think it is official as children are taught to read and write in Shuddho in the sylhet region of Bangladesh
afsalim
16-06-08, 07:44 AM
I have to disagree with u on that... like Raziel said, Sylheti is a dialect, derived from Shuddho. It is just as much a dialect as is chitagongi basha, noakhali etc
Sylheti does not have its own writing script, and even if this sylheti nagari does exist, i dont think it is official as children are taught to read and write in Shuddho in the sylhet region of Bangladesh
I'm sorry, but I think I do have a deeper knowledge in Bengali literature as my mom is a retired Bangla Professor.
Just as Chatgai buli, Sylheti language has developed as an independent language. Borishailla, Noakhailla, etc. are dialects of Bangla.
If you'd like to know more.... http://www.sylheti.org.uk/page2.html
To know more about Sylheti Nagari http://www.omniglot.com/writing/syloti.htm
...and no. Sylheti nagori is not taught in schools.
miss-islamic
16-06-08, 01:32 PM
@ raizel and bilal: I didn’t know of this latest upgrade to the blame-game -- blaming women for marrying a man in the first place when he becomes abusive. :torture: Most Muslim women don’t have much choice in who they marry. Also, life s not like t.v – you can’t tell the evil characters just by looking at them. Most wife-abusers are considered good people outside of their homes.
insomniac
16-06-08, 01:38 PM
the fact that the arguing and hitting was done infront of others makes it much worse
the fact that it's done at all is terrible :*(
RazielTemp
16-06-08, 05:13 PM
haha, that's awesome bro
:jkk:
:jkk: akhi ...:up:
RazielTemp
16-06-08, 05:16 PM
Nope. Not a dialect. Sylhetti is an independent language. It has derived from Assamese language. Sylhetti also has its own writing script, called 'Sylhetti Nagari'.
Shuddho Bangla or the language we speak is one of many dialects.
it is not an independant language, it is derived from Shuddo bangla ... most of the bengali language originates from sanskrit,
it is basically like slang ...
regards.
Neurostyler
16-06-08, 05:19 PM
Most wife-abusers are considered good people outside of their homes.
Very true.
RazielTemp
16-06-08, 05:21 PM
@ raizel and bilal: I didn’t know of this latest upgrade to the blame-game -- blaming women for marrying a man in the first place when he becomes abusive. :torture: Most Muslim women don’t have much choice in who they marry. Also, life s not like t.v – you can’t tell the evil characters just by looking at them. Most wife-abusers are considered good people outside of their homes.
Blaming who?
when did I blame a sister for marrying an abusive Husband?
I don't recall doing so please provide your proof for this, I think you misunderstood one of my posts ...
yes, the Intentions arn't seen, so one could end up with a conniving Evil Husband or a Wife,
I did not generalise & blame the sisters ...
:jkk:
@ raizel and bilal: I didn’t know of this latest upgrade to the blame-game -- blaming women for marrying a man in the first place when he becomes abusive. :torture: Most Muslim women don’t have much choice in who they marry. Also, life s not like t.v – you can’t tell the evil characters just by looking at them. Most wife-abusers are considered good people outside of their homes.
as salamu alaikum,
i'm sorry sis but I do blame the women for the most part. yes some women don't have a choice but usually they do. They can agree to not go with it. If they know of a brother that's better and willing to marry them, she has a choice to marry him over the whacko that her family found. And sometimes its worse when the muslimah THINKS that the whacko will be good because her family will accept her marriage to him over the other guy.
And yes, life isn't like the serial dramas you see. I don't watch them things so I don't know if they can find out who is good or not by looking at them. But I'm sure most muslimahs get a chance to talk to the guy before marrying. And be honest, many muslimahs do talk to other brothers. Brothers willing to marry them.
as salamu alaikum
Honey87
16-06-08, 05:30 PM
Sylheti is actually an independent language.
It is mistakenly considered a dialect of shudho bangla because of the similarities, however the differences are significant. The similarities seen are often the similarities seen say with the urdu language.
Most bangladeshis don't know this, but many who have family or have come from places like Assam (India) for example are aware that it is an independent language with it's own script.
I'm sorry
as salamu alaikum,
It's ok, I forgive you
...and no. Sylheti nagori is not taught in schools.
too bad i say. it would've created a much more educated sylheti population. it's a little hard to speak shurdo in my opinion without really being mixed into the shurdo society. it would probably be easier for sylhetis to learn sylheti nagori. but why would the dhaka masters allow such a thing? :coolbro:
as salamu alaikum
Miss-Neurofen
17-06-08, 01:04 AM
No i said that shuddho basha is taught in schools in sylhet... this sylheti nagori is not taught.... and as raziel said, bengali itself is derived from sanskrit, and sylheti IS a dialect derived from shuddho... anyways this is besides the point... has nothing to do witht he topic at hand
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