A Cry Out For Naseeha - *Sigh*

[EmptySouledSis]

I'm quite hurt. Certain things have happened in my life that now make me feel so low in emaan, self esteem and everything else. There are soo many things that matter, and are a whole lot more important like exams that I have in a couple of weeks, working to help my parents, and basically growing closer to Allah through heading on the road of righteousness ..doing good, learning more..and being a better believer.

Now these 'things' that have happened are my own fault and I can't go around accusing people and saying it was the 'people's' fault, because at the end of the day we end up in situations we ourselves have conjured and thats why there's no way you can blame others for everything that involves them hurting you. Allah tests us with anxiety/hardship and fitnah..according to what our own hands have earned I won't forget that so I'm not going to stand away from the fact that it was my fault too regardless of how great or small in proportion that may be. I'm not in denial rather I would like to see myself viewing things as realistically as possible.

thats why i write this post out today, don't even know if my identity will be revealed to certain individuals but even if it is I couldn't care less because I've done my part where they're concerned and thats that. Niether am I wanting thier attention, I just want to talk about how I should go about dealing with the way I feel because to be honest, I hate it that I'm so deluded in these thoughts when I could be engaging in better and fruitful ways of thinking and looking at life.

I'm quite confused, (this will probably seem contradictory to everything I've just said) but yes I am, of why certain things have happened, and why I can't seem to come out of the dwelling on to these incidents. I can't understand what I can now do to stop this all once and for all and actually do something productively to prevent any other form of fitnah.

I cry my self to sleep on most nights and I want to see things optimistically but gradually I go into a state where I wish I was never born and therefore become so ungrateful and unappreciative of the blessings Allah (Swt) has given me. I could probably advise someone who may be experiencing similar feelings but I can't seem to decide for myself, where is it I'm heading and what is it I'm 'supposed' to do.

I have a family, people around me that love me to bits subhanAllah yet I crave and desire more and feel like I'm 'empty' in some way. There are and have been and will be trailing periods me and my family go through but we get through them and are 'living' so I don't think I'm too bothered/concerned that its my family's situations that make me feel so depressed.

I'm at a stage in life, where if I work hard I could be on the initial stepping stones of getting the knowledge I've always craved and desired to attain but wasn't able to due to many barriers. I'm not that old either, when people know of my age, they wonder why I have so complex thought processes but at times I don't know myself. I think I'm old enough to know what I want in the Akhirah and therefore I'm thinking so much about the way my life is and will be when I meet my Lord.

I want to smile and be blessed by the sight of Allah, being proud of what I was in this Dunya rather than being ashamed and dishonored and doomed into the pits of the helfire on Yawmul Qiyamah. I know that the way things have been and are with the state of my mind being so transfixed in wanting the pleasures of this Dunya, that my fate in the Akhirah is not going to be a good one. I'm not happy about the way the Dunya is for me, neither am I content knowing the promised paradise for the believers will truly be mine.

I want to get married but then I don't because I'm scared of who I would end up with. I love the beautiful Sunnah and would love to be blessed in it, but every time it comes my way I have 'bad' luck, either the brother just isn't right or I'm not good enough. I'm not into material possessions neither am I fussy about the way a person looks as much, but there are certain criteria I follow according to my parents pleasure, as I don't want to be displeasing them in anyway possible.

and thats mainly why certain things have not happened and I've got myself and my feelings in a complete mess. The world of the Internet and this particular forum has played a part in my life and I'm just left miserable and no where. I have yet to bury things in the sand for good with somethings because they're just completely hopeless as Halaal means cannot be obtained due to circumstances, regardless of how much I would want it to particulaly take place in my life, its just very improbable, unlikely and therefore a complete waste of everything as it also puts one's emaan and self on stake, as it also causes the displeasure of Allah as it utters disobedience in many forms and aspects of the entire conduct of the actions involved.

I'm not sitting here to relate a story of my life, my sins or anything I just need to know what to do and I'm hoping that maybe someone will say something that would click in my mind and motivate me to actually be heading somewhere

I'm also scared about my parents wanting me to marry when I'm such a mess mentally, clinging on to the past I can't possibly go in and lead a future because it just wouldn't be right as my feelings are not sincere in that sense. I want to go into something wholeheartedly not being doubtful which would then lead to me being unfair on another soul who has no idea.

This 'past' which others would regard as nothing, means a lot to me as I speak and I want to get rid of it, and deal with it so that I can FINALLY move on!! does anyone have any idea of what I actually mean/feeling/talking about?!

*sigh* I feel like I'm making it harder for myself and pouring oil on the fire thats prepared for me if I don't fix myself before its too late I'm not a bad mu'min inshaAllah my actions, my dress, my overall conduct as a person is not bad inshaAllah I try my best :crying: its my heart that I need to sort out and I'm finding it every difficult..

I only Have Allah. Everything else just seems so meaningless. So If am to please my Lord I need to get this living my life in tis Dunya right. The question is how,when and maybe even what is it I'm supposed to do.

I'm perhaps even getting worked up for little things I just can't help it. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do anything and then it'll just be too late.

:crying:

[reer]

it sounds like you had faling in love with a guy and it didnt work out.

for those people who are swooned by the opposite sex and merely feel hurt etc. you need to get over it seriously.

im sure its not all your fault just cause your probably the woman, it takes two to get involved.

sort yourself out. then slowly make amends with your lord

and parents really do just love it when there kids are broken down so they can get you wed off, the more mentally vulnerable the better.....btw i make this assumption from my pocket of culture this is not a racist notion.

from my own family this is the motto 'let your kids mess up then get them married, otherwise don't ever bother with actively seeking marrige partners for them, even when it would cause them to not go off the rail' anything that is easier eh

I hope you dont have more serious problems then just loving and loosing. like I have gone and predicted, if your problem is not this typical all round human problem then I do apologise as I wish not to offend you.

[>UserName<]

My advice would be this:

After your exams, take a big fat break with some of your close friends. Go on holiday and if that isn't possible, go for a day trip somewhere.

Clear your head.

Go to some talks where nobody knows you, listen, learn, and meet with some new people.

Join the gym.

Imaan fluctuates, and right now you seem to be on an imaan-low. Remain in a state of wudu at all times. Pray the prayers on time, even tho it might feel robotic sometimes. Stick some Quran on your ipod. Hang out with the deenin sisters (or brothers, if you're a dude).

Some things should be pondered on, while other things shouldn't be dwelt on so much. The past has remained in the past. You're bringing it to the present by constantly dwelling on it.

Everyone goes through stuff they'd rather not go through, but people don't become more experienced and wiser by staying in the same phase thoughout their life. You have ups and downs. We need to ride coolly with the ups and keep our heads above water when we go down. Otherwise you'd go into depression. Some stuffs just not worth depressing over.


Don't cry youself to sleep anymore, you'll only get a splitting headache in the morning.

Cheer up! :)

[A Brother.]

Asalamulaykum warahmatulah

"I want to smile and be blessed by the sight of Allah, being proud of what I was in this Dunya rather than being ashamed and dishonored and doomed into the pits of the helfire on Yawmul Qiyamah."

was this not the dream of every sahabah and of every great muslim known to us from the past?? from the likes of Umar r, to ibn Taymiyaah to, shayke uthyameen!!! I dont beleive i know of any scholar or rightious person (assuming this from there death, and how many people came to there janazah and other issues) ibnt taymiah had millions of million for his janazah..never did they say i am satisfied of the level i have reached in this dunya so i am safe...rather they struggles and strived thorugh all there tests and tribulations and i know some are going to read this and say, there tests were much greater..yes according to their emaan they were, but us layman will not be tested like they were unless our emaan is as theres is because we know allah swt does not test a soul more then it can bear..hence i use this comparison..

this reminds me of when imam ahmed son asked him when will all of the striving and stuggling be over..and he replied with the first steps in jannah etc...

its actually quite sad why everyone does not feel the same way, with regards to there final abode..However..it is important to remember our deen is based on LOVE, HOPE , and FEAR..
so always remember as imam Shafi use to say in his dua with regards to his sins, that they are sooooooo high but compared to ALLAH swt Mercy they are nothing.
As we know that all the mercy we see on this earth is only 1/100 of ALLAH swt mercy..and he has kept 99 parts for Yawmul Qiyamah.
yet does anyone ever reach a stage in this life they feel proud of what they are in this life...it is the fact that u think like this and the fact MANY muslims dont which actually puts you in a small percentage which sould make us feel this . small


"I know that the way things have been and are with the state of my mind being so transfixed in wanting the pleasures of this Dunya, that my fate in the Akhirah is not going to be a good one. I'm not happy about the way the Dunya is for me, neither am I content knowing the promised paradise for the believers will truly be mine."

You say that you fate in the Akhirah is not going to be a good one?? i ask you to garantee me that...for the one who commited zina was forgiven for sharing the bread, and the one who gave the dog water was forgiven..

As is Known the Prophet saw smiled, when that companion said may allah swt have mercy on you and me only. and the prophet saw said u have restriced somthing so wide.
The fact you feel you are not good enough is not the problem. the fact you think you are already going to the hell fire is where the HOPE is left behind..how do u know what u havnt done one good deed which has garanteed you jannah??

the fact you want the dunya..is not somthing strange..as the prophet saw told us to fear this dunya...This Dunya is here to distract you, it is out test to balance it, yet do not fall into the trap of the people who thing that emaan does not go up and down..there will be times when the dunya means nothing to you and times when all u will think about is the dunya..to overcome this problem it is the battle to increase your emaan...

"I want to get married but then I don't because I'm scared of who I would end up with. I love the beautiful Sunnah and would love to be blessed in it, but every time it comes my way I have 'bad' luck, either the brother just isn't right or I'm not good enough. I'm not into material possessions neither am I fussy about the way a person looks as much, but there are certain criteria I follow according to my parents pleasure, as I don't want to be displeasing them in anyway possible."

dont let shaytann put you off..your already thinking of the outcome before the action is done. for all you know ur gona get married. and then live happliy ever after..

"This 'past' which others would regard as nothing, means a lot to me as I speak and I want to get rid of it, and deal with it so that I can FINALLY move on!! does anyone have any idea of what I actually mean/feeling/talking about?!"

I think everyone has a PAST they wish they never had, or Things they remember which hurt them etc but its the future we can change and not the past...to forget about the past is very hard and i dont think it will ever because as muslims we learn from our past mistakes, well were suppose to , as the is the hadeeth to support this which i will post once i find it in my books..
dont look at the past as a heavy bag in your heart etc but look at it as a paper of been there learnt the hard way and base ur decisions on life taking into consideration your mistakes in your past....untill u relaise that u wont be able to get rid of it...is when ull relaise that..ull accept it and learn from it. ull realise that just becuase things have happened in the past does not mean u cant have a better future..(even with the help of remembering the past!!)
how when etc..

how...from what i heard the people of knowledge say is to follow islam in its complete sense...increase ur good deeds, stop ur bad ones...make lots of dua..(this is very important) and read quran etc..

the key to happyness is to leanr how to become content..(and it wont happen over night!!)



hope that helps..

w.salam

[Noorun Ala Noor]

Salaam

Most of the people in this world are in a state of darkness and anyone amongst the mist of such people will only be dragged into there darkness, or atleast affected by it. Your heart has picked up the diseases of this world. What you need to do is rid yourself of this. Go and find a shaykh you trust, place your heart in his hands and ask him to clean it. Go and spend time amongst the beholders of light, they will show you the path.

The prophet (saaws) was a light onto his companions, he is the object through which Allah manifest his light and our shuyukh are a light onto us. They are the ones who lead the way so it is only befitting that if we seek this light that we follow their footsteps.

When you find this light, nothing in this world will be of the slightist of significance to you and all you problems will feel like nothing. Do not focus on the object of difficulty but focus on the source (Allah) and you will be satisfied.

24.35 - Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The similitude of His light is as a niche wherein is a lamp. The lamp is in a glass. The glass is as it were a shining star. (This lamp is) kindled from a blessed tree, an olive neither of the East nor of the West, whose oil would almost glow forth (of itself) though no fire touched it. Light upon light. Allah guideth unto His light whom He will. And Allah setteth forth for mankind similitudes, for Allah is Knower of all things.


I hope this helps.

[Khubaib]

:salams:

It is a little difficult to give advice since you're writing in "stream of conscious" and it is vague for an outside reader but inshallah I'll try to help in some way.

First, it's mashallah great that you are thinking about your akhirah and want to strive for the best deeds. While it is helpful to have long-term broad goals don't get too transfixed on them because Allah :Swt: will give you what's best. Don't forget about the "moment." Each minute you are alive is an opportunity from Allah :Swt: and each day gives you a chance to prepare something for your akhirah.

Rasulullah :saw: said by the meaning of the hadith:

"Whoever amongst you wakes up, secure in his house, healthy in his body, having the bare amount of food that he requires for the day, then it is as if the entire world has been captured for him, with all that it contains!"

Reported by al-Tirmidhi (# 2347) who considered it hasan gharib; al-Bukhari in his al-Adab al-Mufrad (# 300), Ibn Hibban in his Taqasim (# 2507) and others. Al-Albani agreed with al-Tirmidhi in his Silsilah (# 2318).

There is so much you can accomplish despite your situation. Dhikr is easy and heavy on the scale. So you have a tongue and you can use it and you have a family and can be kind to them, especially your parents, and these small things will add up on yawm al qiyamah inshallah.

The second part of your problem, the marriage one inshallah has an easy remedy. DO NOT DELAY MARRIAGE. If the brother "isn't right" as you say then you have to continue dua' and istikharah but never think you are "not good enough" as you wrote. This is a deception of shaitan to keep you in a situation where you are more vulnerable. You will hear this advice from numerous shuyookh. Get married ASAP, whatever thoughts you have about being a mental mess are probably exaggerations in your mind, once you find someone suitable complete half your deen inshallah.

I too am in a similar situation to yours I think and inshallah may Allah :Swt: make it easy on us both and everyone in this ummah. If you have additional things to add just say so and mashallah there are some knowledgeable members on the forum who can help inshallah.

[just a helper]

I'm quite hurt. Certain things have happened in my life that now make me feel so low in emaan, self esteem and everything else. There are soo many things that matter, and are a whole lot more important like exams that I have in a couple of weeks, working to help my parents, and basically growing closer to Allah through heading on the road of righteousness ..doing good, learning more..and being a better believer.
Its good that you aim towards these goals, really good actually. In life evey muslim faces these and i reckon we will until the day you die. We want to be perfect, but this comes with time, if we ever even reach that state. Dont expect yourself to wake up one morning and eveything is 'smooth sailing' it dosnt work like that. One must strive and this striving is continouis. Theres no such thinbg as sitting back and waiting for things to happen, and theres no such thing as a 'perfect' ot 'near perfect' life. the sooner that is relaised, the better is is to deal with things, inshallah.

Now these 'things' that have happened are my own fault and I can't go around accusing people and saying it was the 'people's' fault, because at the end of the day we end up in situations we ourselves have conjured and thats why there's no way you can blame others for everything that involves them hurting you.
True say, but at the same time dont go around and being hard on yourself. Whats done is done. What your job is now to do, is to work around these issues in this time and present. You cant always change things to the way they were-as much as we would all like to-but what we can do inshallah, is just work with and around them inshallah to make us better people. Take it as it comes inshallah.

I'm not in denial rather I would like to see myself viewing things as realistically as possible.
good approach!

I'm quite confused, (this will probably seem contradictory to everything I've just said) but yes I am, of why certain things have happened, and why I can't seem to come out of the dwelling on to these incidents. I can't understand what I can now do to stop this all once and for all and actually do something productively to prevent any other form of fitnah.
Learn from your mistakes. Or even the mistakes of others. Take lessons from those who came before you are who are with you today. Seriously, something maybe pleasurable, etc but if you want to avoid falling into the same mistake again just look at the affect this thing has had on somebody else.

I cry my self to sleep on most nights and I want to see things optimistically but gradually I go into a state where I wish I was never born and therefore become so ungrateful and unappreciative of the blessings Allah (Swt) has given me. I could probably advise someone who may be experiencing similar feelings but I can't seem to decide for myself, where is it I'm heading and what is it I'm 'supposed' to do.
hmmm... you cant seem to decide...okay get a piece of paper. On this peice of paper, write everything you want to acheive in life, or atleast what you want to achieve right now. Do you what to gain knowledge? write down what books you want to study. Perhas u want to learn how to swim lol...get in contact with an instructor (only a sis though, 'cos your a sis lol) maybe both. maybe none. Whatever it is, just get writing and be honest to ur self.
generally sis u sound confused. Write down ur thoughts and take it from there. You could discover something about yourself u never knew. it could inspire you to do something. strive hard!

I have a family, people around me that love me to bits subhanAllah yet I crave and desire more and feel like I'm 'empty' in some way.
empty? yeah i get that. A lot. Maybe ur not getting the right level of love and attention? maybe this was given to you, but was takin away-->that also could have a affect. having said that though, they (ur family etc) maybe giving you the love and attention required, but your not realising it. lemme give you an example. I remeber my mum always would talk good about my other siblings to other people (when my siblinmgs werent around)...you know how good my sis would be at this...and my bro at that, etc but she would never mention me. and it would really get to me :( lol..but then i figured 'hey if shes saying these things when they're not around, than maybe shes saying things about me when im not around. you see love and affection isnt always shown in a direct way. Some poeple have trouble saying sweet things to one another, but they may shower one another with gifts.

having said that though, maybe this 'emptiness' isnt due to the lack of love and affection. Maybe there's somehting inside of you that dont fit right. Sorry that wasnt meant to come actross as insensitive. Maybe this empytines is due to something thats happened in your past thats makin you an 'unwhole' human. get me?


I want to smile and be blessed by the sight of Allah, being proud of what I was in this Dunya rather than being ashamed and dishonored and doomed into the pits of the helfire on Yawmul Qiyamah. I know that the way things have been and are with the state of my mind being so transfixed in wanting the pleasures of this Dunya, that my fate in the Akhirah is not going to be a good one. I'm not happy about the way the Dunya is for me, neither am I content knowing the promised paradise for the believers will truly be mine.
okay go a lil easy on your self. i think youve givin up a lil too easily here. if we have no hope, than our lives will be lived in darkness. be a lil more confidant and hopeful, and inshallah you'll feel better.

I want to get married but then I don't because I'm scared of who I would end up with.
istikhara is DEFINATLEY the key!

I love the beautiful Sunnah and would love to be blessed in it, but every time it comes my way I have 'bad' luck, either the brother just isn't right or I'm not good enough. I'm not into material possessions neither am I fussy about the way a person looks as much, but there are certain criteria I follow according to my parents pleasure, as I don't want to be displeasing them in anyway possible.
Okay, its good u wanna obey ur parents. But if you feel that their idea of 'good' is differnet to yours and that dosn't satisfy you, than do talk to them and sort something out.
And as for the bro not being good etc, just be paitent, wallahi, paitence is the key. Do not hurry with marriage take it nice and easy...hastiness is disastourious

and thats mainly why certain things have not happened and I've got myself and my feelings in a complete mess. The world of the Internet and this particular forum has played a part in my life and I'm just left miserable and no where. I have yet to bury things in the sand for good with somethings because they're just completely hopeless as Halaal means cannot be obtained due to circumstances, regardless of how much I would want it to particulaly take place in my life, its just very improbable, unlikely and therefore a complete waste of everything as it also puts one's emaan and self on stake, as it also causes the displeasure of Allah as it utters disobedience in many forms and aspects of the entire conduct of the actions involved.
sis, maybe you cant get exaclty what you want in life, but seriously, i REALLY apreciate the fact that your trying to go all halaal about it. Really, thats somehting you should hold your head up high for. Thats definatley somehting you should walk around with pride about. you may not feel good that you didnt get what you wanted, but it should be a comfort, inshallah, to know that atleast you strive to keep your Lord happy. inshallah do that.

This 'past' which others would regard as nothing, means a lot to me as I speak and I want to get rid of it, and deal with it so that I can FINALLY move on!! does anyone have any idea of what I actually mean/feeling/talking about?!
Perhaps one may not 'move on,' but one must work around it. It sounds like your heartbroken...dont be stuck forever. maybe by getting married -ie by adopting a WHOLE different change, inshallah you'll relaise that that was the better one, and you couldnt have realised, unless you made that change. get me? and i dont just mean this is terms of relationships either.

*sigh* I feel like I'm making it harder for myself and pouring oil on the fire thats prepared for me if I don't fix myself before its too late I'm not a bad mu'min inshaAllah my actions, my dress, my overall conduct as a person is not bad inshaAllah I try my best :crying: its my heart that I need to sort out and I'm finding it every difficult..
hmmm...you say that you actions and that are good, but than at the samne time you say your heart needs sortin. But hun, the heart is the commander of the actions. If the actions are right, than that gives you some idea of whats stored in the heart, which inshallah is also good. Having said that though, theres noting wrong with striving to make your heart better.

one last thing we can talk and talk and talk lol...but its up to YOU to make the changes.

sorry if this is so long and boring, lol and ishallah i have helped, and inshallah everything goes well.

[AHMEB BHAI]

move on and forward
enjoy every new day
enjoy/bond and spend time with parents and siblings
and make efforts to get married with parents blessings and help

i have to say what youre going through is quite normal and average for teens before a full adult life and after childhood

the years in between are full of turmoil and angst for most if not all teens.
and theres people in worse situations still