View Full Version : Why do "love marriages" not work?
brown eyes
22-05-08, 08:38 AM
Just wanted to ask why do you think "love marriages" don't work? is it because even though on the face of it parents say they "approve" they don't really and both sides continue to cause trouble? Is it because as Asians we don't allow it, thefore, it is destined to fail? or is it because Allah doesn't approve?
PK Aali
22-05-08, 08:43 AM
How can u expect something good to come out of not following Islaam in the first place?!?!
DUH!
U disobey Allaah's commands, Allaah's blessings isn;t in the relationship, u OBEY the SAYTAAN, HENCE
NOT WORKIN
Unique Muslimah
22-05-08, 08:48 AM
Start something off the right way.and then try get some good out of it.
Btw depends what you mean by "love" marriage..
AND im sure there are loadsa threads on this already
RazielTemp
22-05-08, 08:58 AM
Just wanted to ask why do you think "love marriages" don't work? is it because even though on the face of it parents say they "approve" they don't really and both sides continue to cause trouble? Is it because as Asians we don't allow it, therefore, it is destined to fail? or is it because Allah doesn't approve?
they don't work because they are not 'Love' Marriages, "Love" is just a gimmick used by people far too often, these marriages are nearly always for Beauty, and Lust above everything else ...
Had they chose their spouses for the Right reasons, Primarily Taqwa, Talaq would not have been so rampant ...
What Allah Ta'ala approves is clear, and what he Dissaproves is clear, but he gives Mankind the choice ...
whatever Evil or wrong happens is of our own accord, our own fault ...
:jkk:
Overseer
22-05-08, 11:23 AM
They are Lust marriages thus generally they only last for a short period of time.
Danniella
22-05-08, 11:54 AM
So why are we seeing a high proprtion of arranged marriages ending up in divorce too??
These days love marriages can mean either 2 things: two people seeking out each other inthe hala way, and/or 2 people having pre-marital relationships and then getting married.
In this day and age (esp in Western countries), love marriages and arranged marriages have more or less equal success/failure rate.
stegmannft
22-05-08, 12:12 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum, Allah swt places love and mercy between husband and wife. Kind words and forgiving (of faults) are better than sadaqah (charity) this is then followed by injury and Allah swt is Free of all needs and He is Most-Forgiving..Was-Salaam...
turquoise
22-05-08, 12:19 PM
Salaam,
these marriages are nearly always for Beauty, and Lust above everything else ...
Had they chose their spouses for the Right reasons, Primarily Taqwa, Talaq would not have been so rampant ...
Are you saying it's impossible to love someone for those 'right reasons'? If so, what's supposed to happen after marriage?
I think there was a thread about this a few weeks ago.
.: Anna :.
22-05-08, 12:20 PM
It depends what u mean by love marriages :s Some of the replies are a bit :wacko:
Also the generalisation here is a bit much. Just cos marriage was not arranged in the normal way only thru parents doesnt mean it is based on haraam, obedience to shaytaan and will never work :smack:
Asma-SE
22-05-08, 12:38 PM
If you meet/hear of someone ur interested in and tell ur parents, is that a 'love' marriage coz u found them first? If its purely because ur parents didnt find them then some of the comments above are cuckoo!!!
Omar Mukhtar
22-05-08, 01:09 PM
nothing ever good comes from Haraam.
Syed Shoaib
22-05-08, 01:13 PM
well see, nowadays "love" marriages is intertwined with dating, zina, lying to parents...so of course why would Allah bless it if you refused his rules in turn for your own?
but that by no means is saying if a guy and a girl love each other but follow islamic guidelines (i.e. the guy approaches the girls father saying he has an interest before doing anything un-islamic) then why wouldn't it be blessed by Allah?
It's moreso what they do before marriage that constitutes if it will be a successful marriage, did they follow the sunnah, or did they follow their own desires...
I've seen a marriage go to doom within 3 months, and it wasn't a love marriage, it was one that was apparently islamic.
The favoured idea that love marriages do not work are as realistic as misconception that Asians are forced into marriages they don't want. I've noticed it alot here; if someone married for love and that marriage fails, they immediately criticise them for marrying "for love". But if someone did not marry for love and the marriage also fails, there is the singing of Sabr here - it's ridiculous. Makes you wonder how many here tried to elope but that dream was destroyed so now have a grudge against all things love lol
PK Aali
22-05-08, 01:24 PM
love marriages end in divorce more than arranaged marriages
Love marriages don't work at all. Never fall for someone and get married. You'll be doomed. DOOMED I tells ya
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q141/debrown666/Simpsons-CrazyCatLadyFlail.gif
PK Aali
22-05-08, 01:38 PM
Lol!
turquoise
22-05-08, 01:48 PM
Salaam,
love marriages end in divorce more than arranaged marriages
That doesn't mean that arranged marriages are happier or work any better - it just means they divorce less. (Assuming that's even true...)
Danniella
22-05-08, 01:54 PM
love marriages end in divorce more than arranaged marriages
I beg to differ.
I have seen/heard about so many divorce cases from previous arranged marriages.
3 cases involved the man returning his bride the very next day!
How do i know?!?
Connections with an Islamic Matrimonial services based in London!
Lefthook
22-05-08, 01:55 PM
So why are we seeing a high proprtion of arranged marriages ending up in divorce too??
These days love marriages can mean either 2 things: two people seeking out each other inthe hala way, and/or 2 people having pre-marital relationships and then getting married.
In this day and age (esp in Western countries), love marriages and arranged marriages have more or less equal success/failure rate.
There isn't a great difference in "love marriage" and "arranged marriage" divorce rates. And the love marriages that work, are an absolute beauty to behold.
Rates have more to do with familial structures and financial and social independence of the couple. My mum could not have got a divorce in pakistan - even though her arranged marriage was as close as arranged marriages get to perfect - due to financial and familial reasons. Many arranged couples I know - there are 5 - got divorced within the first 3 years.
Its got nothing to do with this "haram does not last" malark; people need to stop playing god.
PK Aali
22-05-08, 02:03 PM
I beg to differ.
I have seen/heard about so many divorce cases from previous arranged marriages.
3 cases involved the man returning his bride the very next day!
How do i know?!?
Connections with an Islamic Matrimonial services based in London!
if u marry the islamic way, and following islamic guidelines, it is VERY unlikely you will get divorced. Sadly, nowadays ppl marry for money , looks,etc. not religion. how sad.
Danniella
22-05-08, 02:09 PM
if u marry the islamic way, and following islamic guidelines, it is VERY unlikely you will get divorced. Sadly, nowadays ppl marry for money , looks,etc. not religion. how sad.
Yes, i will agree with you on that. :up:
But unfortunately, too many muslims cannot differentiate culture from religion.
Umm_Hanzalah
22-05-08, 02:18 PM
if u marry the islamic way, and following islamic guidelines, it is VERY unlikely you will get divorced. Sadly, nowadays ppl marry for money , looks,etc. not religion. how sad.
I disagree.
I think sometimes it just doesn't work out and divorce is the only option, even if people get married for Islamic reasons.
Apparently during the time of the sahabah divorce wasn't at an all time low or anything, it was just that divorced people weren't stigmatised and hardly anyone of a marriageable age (whether that be virgins, divorcees or widows) remained unmarried for long.
PK Aali
22-05-08, 02:20 PM
^ really? any proof?
Umm_Hanzalah
22-05-08, 02:22 PM
^ really? any proof?
I heard it in a lecture by Shaykh Anwar Al Awlaki.
Also, if you read the stories of the sahabah you will read that they did get divorced and it wasn't because they weren't pious or because they maried for unislamic reasons.
PK Aali
22-05-08, 02:29 PM
so r u saying that if u start a haraam relationship, its more likely to last?! :-\
Umm_Hanzalah
22-05-08, 02:35 PM
so r u saying that if u start a haraam relationship, its more likely to last?! :-\
Err no, didn't say anything about haraam relationships..:rolleyes:
Haraam relationships are what though? It's not haraam to fall in love (depending on what love means to you) and then get married. Haraam is to do with actions.
Danniella
22-05-08, 02:37 PM
so r u saying that if u start a haraam relationship, its more likely to last?! :-\
No one here is talking about Haram marriages.
You have to be open minded about what love marriage means.
Like i said earlier, love marriage can be haram and halal.
Just because you find your own partner, it doesnt have to be haram.
Danniella
22-05-08, 02:39 PM
so r u saying that if u start a haraam relationship, its more likely to last?! :-\
Anyhow, yes, some haram marriages do work..even far better than some halal marriages!.
Like i said, we have to be open minded about things as these.
PK Aali
22-05-08, 02:52 PM
yh, and i can see the people on Ummah forum are VERY open minded, who dont find love marriages haraam!
think bout wot ur sayin man! if u go up to sum1, start talking to dem, becoming mates, falling in love - dat isnt haraam?!
use ur common sense..
This is my opinion.
Marriages are not promises or obligations, they are relationships between two people. The stability of a relationship depends on many things that work for both individuals, but the idea that when that affection started, before marriage or after marriage, is irrelevant to how long that affection will last. I have no idea whatsoever why people assume that falling in love before marriage spells doom; perhaps its to make it taboo to discourage the young to fall into potential sin by telling them a marriage spurned from love would not last. It's a cruel lie and only the bitter or the ignorant will really blow their trumpets to such a tune.
However, at the same time, the idea that "love marriages" last longer than any other marriage is just as silly and only the ignorant romantics will sing to that tune.
yh, and i can see the people on Ummah forum are VERY open minded, who dont find love marriages haraam!
think bout wot ur sayin man! if u go up to sum1, start talking to dem, becoming mates, falling in love - dat isnt haraam?!
use ur common sense..
To be honest with you, people fall in love in many ways - they don't need to develop a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with the other individual. But regardless, how a marriage starts does not spell when it will end or how it will end
turquoise
22-05-08, 02:59 PM
Salaam,
think bout wot ur sayin man! if u go up to sum1, start talking to dem, becoming mates, falling in love - dat isnt haraam?!
What part of that is haram, and why?
Salaam,
What part of that is haram, and why?
To avoid potential zina, there is a code of conduct to how genders interact in Islam
Umm_Hanzalah
22-05-08, 03:02 PM
yh, and i can see the people on Ummah forum are VERY open minded, who dont find love marriages haraam!
think bout wot ur sayin man! if u go up to sum1, start talking to dem, becoming mates, falling in love - dat isnt haraam?!
use ur common sense..
It's not like women live on one half of the world and men live on the other.....
Can you tell us why the Prophet (Saws) would say this:
“There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)
I don't think it is 'love' in the way you may understand it, or the type of love that may come after marriage.
I think this post explains it well:
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1441792&postcount=1
PK Aali
22-05-08, 03:41 PM
Salaam,
What part of that is haram, and why?
UR TALKING UNNECESARILY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
PiElle2
22-05-08, 03:54 PM
It's not like women live on one half of the world and men live on the other.....
Can you tell us why the Prophet (Saws) would say this:
“There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)
I don't think it is 'love' in the way you may understand it, or the type of love that may come after marriage.
I think this post explains it well:
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1441792&postcount=1
there is love and there is love with commitment and responsibilities... please know the difference...
extempers
22-05-08, 04:30 PM
Bismillah,
Allahu Alim on this subject.
Umm_Hanzalah
22-05-08, 05:57 PM
there is love and there is love with commitment and responsibilities... please know the difference...
Did I say they were the same thing? :scratch:
Anyway, I think people make this more complicated than it is......
turquoise
22-05-08, 06:32 PM
Salaam,
UR TALKING UNNECESARILY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
Speaking with someone for the purpose of determining compatibility for marriage is neither unnecessary nor haram.
Just wanted to ask why do you think "love marriages" don't work? is it because even though on the face of it parents say they "approve" they don't really and both sides continue to cause trouble? Is it because as Asians we don't allow it, thefore, it is destined to fail? or is it because Allah doesn't approve?
maybe because the couple is blinded by love then hastily rush into a marriage without knowing each other fully & are blind to their partner's faults and after the rush of blind-love is over they start noticing things they didn't before..
whereas with arranged marriages the couple have to get to know each other and learn to live with each other after marriage/nikah, so adjust better to married life together and perhaps fall in love gradually
Naz2007
22-05-08, 08:22 PM
arranged marriages used to work better in the old days....not anymore thou. parents would interfere n talk them out of divorcing and sepertaing. now a days even if the parents do talk to the son or daughter, they cant talk them out of it if they have made up their minds. they have become more vocal and stand their ground. untimatley they decide what they want to do, afterall it is their life...not their parents. i also think that education has alot to do with it and the difference that some people encounter in their marriages as a result of having to marry someone that isnt quite on the same wavelength as them.
i dont quite know y people make such a fuss out of love marriages that dont work comapred to arranged marriages that dont work.
afsalim
22-05-08, 08:23 PM
Love Marriages don't work is an huge load of crap. Some marriages work, some don't. Simple as that!
MalikOne™
22-05-08, 09:27 PM
Just wanted to ask why do you think "love marriages" don't work? is it because even though on the face of it parents say they "approve" they don't really and both sides continue to cause trouble? Is it because as Asians we don't allow it, thefore, it is destined to fail? or is it because Allah doesn't approve?
Your generalising every marriage is different and in-laws are different as well
marriage is not theory
my personal opinion on this matter;
well something which starts with sin, you'll lack the barakah in that marriage,
.
thas not true
nikah is a blessing and is sacred and the lord forgives whom he wills, so even if it dint start of rite to say Allah wont barakah in it is jus stupid
thas not true
nikah is a blessing and is sacred and the lord forgives whom he wills, so even if it dint start of rite to say Allah wont barakah in it is jus stupid
:salams
he didn't say it wont have barakah in it... he said it would lack it... sure He is The All Forgiving, but wouldn't you wanna start something ur inshaAllah gonna keep ur whole life with a clean pure slate...?
Lord Summerisle
22-05-08, 10:23 PM
Just wanted to ask why do you think "love marriages" don't work?
This question is flawed from the outset.
Some 'love' marriages do not work, as some arranged marriages do not work. Generalisations are foolish.
I suppose it boils down to what you define 'love' to mean.
If you're relying on feelings that come and go, then you're heading for trouble. But I feel that love is a conscious act, a commitment.
One of my favourite definitions of love is by M Scott Peck;
The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth
A marriage which is built on that kind of love is far from destined to fail.
Phoenix CG
22-05-08, 10:26 PM
as opposed to hate marriages working?
Some marriages work, some don't...the only way in some cases you can say it will lead to failure is when they are so blinded by love they do unreasonable things they would not normally do, which could land them in trouble and cause a spiral.
Omar Mukhtar
22-05-08, 10:34 PM
thas not true
nikah is a blessing and is sacred and the lord forgives whom he wills, so even if it dint start of rite to say Allah wont barakah in it is jus stupid
so than muslims who gamble and win does that mean the money spent will be halal because allah forgives, it's reasons like that muslims fall in love marriges they think that after their married that god will forgive them, not saying allah s.w.t won't but your playing games with allah committing sin knowing it is than saying god will forgive you it's hypocrisy.
Lefthook
22-05-08, 10:40 PM
This question is flawed from the outset.
Some 'love' marriages do not work, as some arranged marriages do not work. Generalisations are foolish.
I suppose it boils down to what you define 'love' to mean.
If you're relying on feelings that come and go, then you're heading for trouble. But I feel that love is a conscious act, a commitment.
One of my favourite definitions of love is by M Scott Peck;
The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth
A marriage which is built on that kind of love is far from destined to fail.
Agreed. We need to get away from clean-cut generalisations since they serve only to create bigger divides and hamper our ability to thinking clearly. I know a girl who I'm going to marry; I've known her for around four years - we took our time to understand how we work, how we think and where we have to compromise. Most of all, we want to make things work if the going gets tough.
Does this mean that our marriage will succeed or fail? No one can say. But we gave it a good bash.
On the other hand, you have a couple who meet on their wedding day. There's a chance that they have a severe personality clash and other differences; they can either work at this (which either works or fails) or they can get a divorce. How will it pan out? No one can say.
The real differences like I mentioned earlier, are to do with culture and familial structures. How would a 40-something mother of 3 go through with a divorce in rural Pakistan? There will be many pressures and disincentives stopping her from asking for a divorce e.g. kids, finance, little prospect of second marriage.
It has less to do with arranged/non-arranged marriages, though I find the thought of knowing your eventual partner first far more comforting than getting a wife as a surprise present.
Lefthook
22-05-08, 10:45 PM
so than muslims who gamble and win does that mean the money spent will be halal because allah forgives, it's reasons like that muslims fall in love marriges they think that after their married that god will forgive them, not saying allah s.w.t won't but your playing games with allah committing sin knowing it is than saying god will forgive you it's hypocrisy.
Yes, I suppose you are taking a concious risk if you think like that. Though its hard to say how Allah would react (I know I don't believe, but I can still remember how things work) - that much is understood. He can forgive you if he feels he ought to and so on.
But what if you took the risk of sinning (e.g. freemixing) if, in your judgement, it would result in a more secure, sin-free future? I'm not arguing but I'm interested in whether people would choose to avoid sinning at all costs (in case you die before you get a chance to lead that good, pious life) or whether you'd sin in the short term to have a shot at securing a sin-free long-term future?
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:04 AM
so than muslims who gamble and win does that mean the money spent will be halal because allah forgives, it's reasons like that muslims fall in love marriges they think that after their married that god will forgive them, not saying allah s.w.t won't but your playing games with allah committing sin knowing it is than saying god will forgive you it's hypocrisy.
what u on about? ur gettin it twisted im not sayin go out and do haraam, im not even talkin about everyone, i was getin a point across to hasnetwork tht even if suttin did start of wrong it still can be made rite and still have plenty of blessings
:salams
he didn't say it wont have barakah in it... he said it would lack it... sure He is The All Forgiving, but wouldn't you wanna start something ur inshaAllah gonna keep ur whole life with a clean pure slate...?
what do u measure barakah wit? kg scales? how do u kno how much blessings Allah swt gon put in a marriage? Marriage is a blessing in itself thas the point im gettin across even if ppl did start off wrong they realise thier mistake and they get married to make it legit, its like if they didnt wana make it legit and get barakah den why get married in da first place?
what do u measure barakah wit? kg scales? how do u kno how much blessings Allah swt gon put in a marriage? Marriage is a blessing in itself thas the point im gettin across even if ppl did start off wrong they realise thier mistake and they get married to make it legit, its like if they didnt wana make it legit and get barakah den why get married in da first place?
:salams
u dont know how much thats exactly why u would want to protect as much of it as u can.... ur making out like im saying that people that do that wont have any barakah... but like how do u know they'd have the same amount of barakah as people that made it legit from the beginning and prevented themselves from falling into any kind of haraam
its like 100% inshaAllah vs however much depending on what u did...
n dont get mad
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:14 AM
dont get me wrong fella, that isnt what i said
however, since you bring up that point.. i guess its perfectly fine if your sister for example found a nice lovey dovey dude - fell in love and then thought about marriage?.. because as you say.. Allah(swt) forgives whom he wills and offcourse not forgetting nikaah is a blessing. if i was in your situation i most definetly wouldnt be jumping for joy at the sign of "Nikaah to come - Love Before Marriage in Progress"
Do ponder over that thought..
if everyone starts doing that.. then erm... i guess we'll have to come up with some laylaa majnoo enclined sect.. surely it'll be included amongst the 72 others. :scratch:
what? you said marriage wud lack barakah if man sin before they got married- thas wht u sed and i said it wudnt, my situation? where do u get tht conclusion frm? im jus talkin from a different perspective because it seems ur minds are too small rite here, im not advocatin nething so dnt even bring no different scenarios here im jus gettin my point across
what? you said marriage wud lack barakah if man sin before they got married- thas wht u sed and i said it wudnt, my situation? where do u get tht conclusion frm? im jus talkin from a different perspective because it seems ur minds are too small rite here, im not advocatin nething so dnt even bring no different scenarios here im jus gettin my point across
:salams
my mind isnt small
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:21 AM
:salams
u dont know how much thats exactly why u would want to protect as much of it as u can.... ur making out like im saying that people that do that wont have any barakah... but like how do u know they'd have the same amount of barakah as people that made it legit from the beginning and prevented themselves from falling into any kind of haraam
its like 100% inshaAllah vs however much depending on what u did...
n dont get mad
why wud i get mad?
its the best way to do it halal im not even sayin its not, im not syain do a ahraam to attain a halal im sayin u cant say tht two people have less blessings in a marriage because they did haraam before than two people tht did it rite frm da beginning, i dnt understand this whole blessings concept why wudnt two ppl who have done the exact same nikah as two other ppl have less blessings in they marriage- u cant make tht assumption because ur not God, ul always have blessings in ur life if u strive to be a good muslim
:salams
my mind isnt small
i dint say it was
Omar Mukhtar
23-05-08, 12:23 AM
chill, i was jus tryna put point across to you, you say that from love marriages Allah can forgive and even put baraka in it, and im saying that if that's what u think than same can be said for gambling too than because it starts off as haram and say you win you donate the money to poor does that make it halaal no it's still haraam, so using this example with love marriage, do haraam first than good after does it become halaal, i don't think it does because your intentions at first were haraam so how can you say it does.
why wud i get mad?
its the best way to do it halal im not even sayin its not, im not syain do a ahraam to attain a halal im sayin u cant say tht two people have less blessings in a marriage because they did haraam before than two people tht did it rite frm da beginning, i dnt understand this whole blessings concept why wudnt two ppl who have done the exact same nikah as two other ppl have less blessings in they marriage- u cant make tht assumption because ur not God, ul always have blessings in ur life if u strive to be a good muslim
i dint say it was
"because it seems ur minds are too small rite here"
:salams
i assume that hassnetwork doesn't have more than 1 mind which means uv lumped us all in the same category
but ok u do it that way if u like
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:27 AM
so using this example with love marriage, do haraam first than good after does it become halaal, i don't think it does because your intentions at first were haraam so how can you say it does.
yer its halal because your married?? :scratch:
and if Allah forgives u for ur previous sins involvin 2 ppl b4 marriage does tht not give u a clean slate?
:salams
ur making out like we're all judgemental and people that do start of like that can never have any good... but ur right i aint God and i don't have the right to judge that...
all im sayin is that inshaAllah i would want as much good n barakah in it as possible, and the way to do that would be to stay away from haraam so that Allah swt would reward me inshaAllah
but if i was to say yeh i can do whatever and Allah is the All Forgiving its all good... i've gone about it with the intention of sinnin to get the blessing of marriage in the first place...
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:35 AM
"because it seems ur minds are too small rite here"
:salams
i assume that hassnetwork doesn't have more than 1 mind which means uv lumped us all in the same category
but ok u do it that way if u like
Allah knows how many time i sed dis im not advocatin haraam before halal, im talkin frm a diff view point, about people who have already got married who maybe didnt do tings da rite way first how can u say based solely on da fact that they did haraam before marriage regardless of what kind of ppl they are now or what kind of lives they lead how can u say they aint got as much blesisngs in ther marriage as a nxt couple, because u cant measure it, how do u measure it thas wht im tryna figure out
yer i didnt say u had a small mind it seems tht way tho wit these posts rite here
yer its halal because your married?? :scratch:
and if Allah forgives u for ur previous sins involvin 2 ppl b4 marriage does tht not give u a clean slate?
:salams
shaitaans gonna be working at u so that the initial true form of love that was there can become diluted with what the shaitaan spurs u on to do... and then when people get married cos its all halalafied shaitaan doesn't need to tempt u in the same kinda way... people fall to the ground and reality hits them that maybe they werent all they thought they were...
yer i didnt say u had a small mind it seems tht way tho
:salams
thats just plain mean
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:43 AM
:salams
shaitaans gonna be working at u so that the initial true form of love that was there can become diluted with what the shaitaan spurs u on to do... and then when people get married cos its all halalafied shaitaan doesn't need to tempt u in the same kinda way... people fall to the ground and reality hits them that maybe they werent all they thought they were...
shaitans always workin at u in every aspect of ur life, he aint takin a holiday.
what do u mean by tht last sentence, i dont get it.
Omar Mukhtar
23-05-08, 12:44 AM
yer its halal because your married??
is that the shariah ruling or your own, so haraam love becomes halaal because you got married, so if that was case than why would love marrige be haraam in first place when it becomes halaal.
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 12:51 AM
is that the shariah ruling or your own, so haraam love becomes halaal because you got married, so if that was case than why would love marrige be haraam in first place when it becomes halaal.
ur a funny guy
ight let me tell every couple i kno tht did haraam before marriage tht thier nikah isnt valid and thier relationship is haraam
LastFriday
23-05-08, 01:30 AM
Love marriages don't work at all. Never fall for someone and get married. You'll be doomed. DOOMED I tells ya
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q141/debrown666/Simpsons-CrazyCatLadyFlail.gif
What this kid says. :rolleyes:
if u marry the islamic way, and following islamic guidelines, it is VERY unlikely you will get divorced. Sadly, nowadays ppl marry for money , looks,etc. not religion. how sad.
are you sure about that?
PK Aali
23-05-08, 10:28 AM
:salams
are you sure about that?
Yes I am. know why? Coz i consider myself muslim, follwing Allaah's commands as much as I can. not blidnly following desires. Alhamdulillah
afsalim
23-05-08, 01:53 PM
One thing I really don't understand is some people's mass generalizations and stereotyping of people who fell in love and got married. Some even have dubious claims that arranged marriages have zero rate of divorces. In order to make a marriage work, both the husband and the wife has to cooperate with each other.
It's quite possible to fall in love and chose not to fornicate. Human beings have free will and its up to them to chose between lust and ethics. Remember, bigots tend to generalize.
afsalim
23-05-08, 01:54 PM
:salams
Yes I am. know why? Coz i consider myself muslim, follwing Allaah's commands as much as I can. not blidnly following desires. Alhamdulillah
Is that your opinion? Or your personal beliefs?
@Hassnetwork: Yes, its quite normal that things are getting a bit heated. Because there are a few (including myself) who married the people they fell in love with. Comparing love marriages with zina is utterly disrespectful. Many of us are practicing Muslims here and we take great offense to such dubious claims.
yeh zindagi yunhi barbaad hoti hai
har waqt honton pe koi faryaad hoti hai :coolbro:
i guess some love marriages don't work because you don't really know the person so much before marriage, you can't really know someone unless you live with them or around them 24/7. Because you know so little about them your mind kinda makes up all these good things about them that don't actually exist within them
and then when you get married and then you see them in every light, when they angry when they happy when they sick etc and then there not the person you had imagined in your mind beforehand and u kinda feel cheated because u made up this person in your mind and they are not that person.
its like you go to Tesco's and you go to the bakery and you see this cake and it proper stands out and grabs your heart and you just read a little about it from its covering and then you have this idea in your head about how it will taste and stuff and you get soo happy when u get it because it seems sooo nice, and then you open it and eat it n its nasty and you feel all disappointed and want your money back
:embar:
yeh zindagi yunhi barbaad hoti hai
har waqt honton pe koi faryaad hoti hai :coolbro:
i guess some love marriages don't work because you don't really know the person so much before marriage, you can't really know someone unless you live with them or around them 24/7. Because you know so little about them your mind kinda makes up all these good things about them that don't actually exist within them
and then when you get married and then you see them in every light, when they angry when they happy when they sick etc and then there not the person you had imagined in your mind beforehand and u kinda feel cheated because u made up this person in your mind and they are not that person.
its like you go to Tesco's and you go to the bakery and you see this cake and it proper stands out and grabs your heart and you just read a little about it from its covering and then you have this idea in your head about how it will taste and stuff and you get soo happy when u get it because it seems sooo nice, and then you open it and eat it n its nasty and you feel all disappointed and want your money back
:embar:
what the hell you talking about??? kotha che
what the hell you talking about??? kotha che
your not smart enough to understand my intellectual posts :there:
your not smart enough to understand my intellectual posts :there:
i dont understand any of this thread :(
whats a love marraige? can you not marry a person for deen and then fall in love? is that a love marriage or is it one based on lust?
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 03:49 PM
Malikone: your getting a lil heated up here.. and your taking things the wrong way and out of context, but nevermind.. drink some mango lassi and i'll answer your queries after the commercial break.
and btw, if your finding it difficult to get your point across, and/or if someone doesnt agree with your point, then theres no need to start getting defensive over your insecurities. Saying that the sister has a small mind, isnt the way to go about it.
You should have just made a thread in Lifestyle section and i would have advised you to eat Almonds each morning, and boiled milk with pistachios each night? Certainly did wonders for me (as you can tell) :D
i aint gettin heated, i dont need to get heated cos i dont need to answer to ne of u random ppl on tha net, nd naa i dnt find it difficult to get my point across at all, jus my tolerance is kinda low for ppl tht dnt understand my point usually cos they aint got the intelligence too but thas suttin im workin on still
i dont know u so i dont kno what u mean by the last paragraph lol
MalikOne™
23-05-08, 05:16 PM
Alhamdulillah, and how did someone like yourself figure that one out? :scratch:
someone like myself? do u kno me?
figure it out?.. it aint really tht hard to see
souljaa
23-05-08, 05:26 PM
Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal (RA).
The Apostle of Allah (PBUH) said "If anyone suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah, The Exalted, will call him on the Last Day over the heads of all creatures and ask him to choose any of the bright and large eyed maidens he wishes." (Abu Dawud)
MalikOne™
24-05-08, 01:17 AM
:rotfl:.. i dont feel angry... i feel sorry for you!
my bad.. your right :up:
i dont need to diss you..believe me tho i cud diss u all day long but y? u aint nutin to me, nd i kno a person like u the internet is about the only place ud dare come wit this loose chat so if it makes feel u big carry on
LastFriday
24-05-08, 03:03 AM
:salams
Yes I am. know why? Coz i consider myself muslim, follwing Allaah's commands as much as I can. not blidnly following desires. Alhamdulillah
Ya? Masha'Allah. But its not always about DESIRES. There have been many stories of notable people of knowledge and people of strong character in the past falling IN LOVE. Love isn't a crime. What would you recommend to those who fall in love? I believe the Prophet of Allah SAW said was for them to get married...
Its how you act on "falling in love" thats the issue, and what behaviours manifest from it (e.g. you start chasing the bit of skirt, or seeking to go about making a marriage proposal)
Not everything is as black & white as ummahlings think it is.
afsalim
24-05-08, 09:54 AM
:salams
Yes I am. know why? Coz i consider myself muslim, follwing Allaah's commands as much as I can. not blidnly following desires. Alhamdulillah
Again, you are mistaking 'love' for 'lust'. Two are entirely different elements.
i know a couple who had a love marriage before they got married (they was b/f and g/f prior to this). 16yrs+ later, they still have no children of their own despite many IVF attempts, she said her and her hubbie sincerely believe this is because of the manner in which they got together i.e. being b/f and g/f prior to marriage.
But mashallah they decided to adopt 2 years ago and were told last week, they found a little boy for them! keep them in your duas please!
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 10:04 AM
Ya? Masha'Allah. But its not always about DESIRES. There have been many stories of notable people of knowledge and people of strong character in the past falling IN LOVE. Love isn't a crime. What would you recommend to those who fall in love? I believe the Prophet of Allah SAW said was for them to get married...
You will notice that they do so for the Right reasons for Taqwa, and not for lust or purely for Beauty as most people do nowadays,
Love is definitely not a crime Akhi, but most people who have this "Love Marriage" don't marry their Spouses for Taqwa, they do it for Lust, that is why their Marriages fall apart, and they end up in divorce,
:jkk:
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 10:06 AM
Again, you are mistaking 'love' for 'lust'. Two are entirely different elements.
Most people who get married in a "Love Marriage" do exactly that, they mistake a "Lust Marriage" for a Love Marriage,
those who wish to know what a Love Marriage is aught to learn from the Example of the Messenger of Allah :saw: ...
:jkk:
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 10:10 AM
Akhi's I should remind you, that Laughing and ridiculing / Mocking each other is not Permitted according to the Quran ...
Read ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 49 : Verse 11
-------------------------------
"O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong.
kindly refrain from these type of activities
:jkk:
afsalim
24-05-08, 11:47 AM
i know a couple who had a love marriage before they got married (they was b/f and g/f prior to this). 16yrs+ later, they still have no children of their own despite many IVF attempts, she said her and her hubbie sincerely believe this is because of the manner in which they got together i.e. being b/f and g/f prior to marriage.
But mashallah they decided to adopt 2 years ago and were told last week, they found a little boy for them! keep them in your duas please!
Infertility is a common biological problem. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of reasons for male or female infertility, i.e. inferior sperm count in men and hypothalamic dysfunction in women. There are treatments for infertility. When treatments fail to work, couples try in vitro fertilization (test tube baby), artificial insemination, etc. If nothing works, they may consider adoption. But to think that their infertility is due to their premarital relationship, is dubious and superstitious at best. If that is so, the non-Muslim civilizations will cease to exist.
Most people who get married in a "Love Marriage" do exactly that, they mistake a "Lust Marriage" for a Love Marriage,
those who wish to know what a Love Marriage is aught to learn from the Example of the Messenger of Allah :saw: ...
:jkk:
Again a misconception. People 'fornicate' out of lust, not get married. Those who do get married out of lust are most probably suffering from insanity.
We can observe the marriage of our Prophet :saws2: to Khadija (Peace be Upon Her), it was a perfect example of a halal love marriage. She was impressed with him beyond words and proposed marriage with the help of an intermediary. You observe a person's strength of character and you fall in love with that person, without a slightest hint of lust. Though I am not referring that people in love do not feel 'lust'. It's a normal biological instinct, which we keep in check with the strength of our faith.
Infertility is a common problem.
yes but not everyone is infertile.
Point being, Allah swt says that what bad happens to us is what we have earned with our own hands and this is how the brother and sister deemed their situation.
afsalim
24-05-08, 12:01 PM
Brothers Hassnetwork and MalikOne,
Would you two please being so immature? People are bound to have difference in opinions. If you don't agree with each other, try to correct each other through logic and constructive debate.
afsalim
24-05-08, 12:05 PM
yes but not everyone is infertile.
Point being, Allah swt says that what bad happens to us is what we have earned with our own hands and this is how the brother and sister deemed their situation.
Ukhti, by saying Common Problem I am not referring that everyone has it. I am merely saying that infertility is very real. It's a disability, if not a disease. Most of the times it is curable. The same problem have persisted even if the brother and sister had gotten married in an orthodox fashion.
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 12:10 PM
Again a misconception. People 'fornicate' out of lust, not get married. Those who do get married out of lust are most probably suffering from insanity.
there seems to be an overwhelming amount of the insane who are Insane according to your statement.
I won't argue with you there ...
We can observe the marriage of our Prophet :saws2: to Khadija (Peace be Upon Her), it was a perfect example of a halal love marriage. She was impressed with him beyond words and proposed marriage with the help of an intermediary. You observe a person's strength of character and you fall in love with that person, without a slightest hint of lust. Though I am not referring that people in love do not feel 'lust'. It's a normal biological instinct, which we keep in check with the strength of our faith.
I don't know how you missed the Fact that I mentioned that those who have the so called "Love marriages" aka Lust marriages, did it for the Wrong reasons, hence why they end up in divorce so commonly,
The Prophet :saw: however performed all his actions for the Right reasons, hence we aught to be following his Example ...
Marrying purely for Beauty, and to satisfy their desires is why Marriages most commonly break up in the so called "Love marriages" ... had they done it for the right reasons, for Taqwa, for the character of the person in question, etc, it would not have ended up in divorce as commonly as it does in these societies, especially the Western societies,
:jkk:
You assume that most of the "Love marriages" done for the wrong reasons don't end up in divorce, that is your misconceived assumption ...
...
Ukhti, by saying Common Problem I am not referring that everyone has it. I am merely saying that infertility is very real. It's a disability, if not a disease. Most of the times it is curable. The same problem have persisted even if the brother and sister had gotten married in an orthodox fashion.
bro you cant prove that they would not have had this problem if they had married following in the correct manner.
Not all infertitility is curable, depends what is wrong with you.With this couple even the doctors cant seem to find anything wrong with either of them, yet they cant have children.
Infertility can't be considered an azab, and to say that its a result of having improper relations before marriage in a certain couple is not only just an assumption but its also the wrong way to look at things.
If that were the case, those who have had relationships before,Muslim or reverts, would have many azab on them, but many don't. Why is that the case then? Its not for us to guess what is of Allah's doing, and nor is it healthy for people to assume it either. Its far too simplistic and assuming we know how Allah works which is a very very wrong thing to do.
Infertility can't be considered an azab, and to say that its a result of having improper relations before marriage in a certain couple is not only just an assumption but its also the wrong way to look at things.
If that were the case, those who have had relationships before,Muslim or reverts, would have many azab on them, but many don't. Why is that the case then? Its not for us to guess what is of Allah's doing, and nor is it healthy for people to assume it either. Its far too simplistic and assuming we know how Allah works which is a very very wrong thing to do.
its not an assumption, the couple feel it is a possibility.
Allah swt has not revealed to us why some people are left barren , which leaves it open to all kinds of reasons behind it, i therefore dont think we can say for definate that infertility is not "azab" .
The couple feel very regretful of the way they went about their marriage and feel their infertility is a punishment from Allah swt but at the end of the day who knows. Which is why i felt the verse i stated in my previous post is relevant in this kind of scenario.
Allahu alim
Someone should tell this couple to not be so fatalistic. Allah's mercy precedes His wrath.
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 12:44 PM
Akhi's and Ukthi's things like Infertility may or may not be a Punishment,
and we aught to refrain from assuming it is, as this is baseless ...
also it does not imply that the the Married couple did any Zina either again this would be an assumption ...
It maybe that it is best for them Not to have any children, Allah Knows and we know not ...
:jkk:
Someone should tell this couple to not be so fatalistic. Allah's mercy precedes His wrath.
it could be a blessing disguise because it made them sit and reflect over their wrongs and in turn they turned to Allah swt for forgiveness and like you said, now hold on only for Allah's swt mercy to shower over them.
They are adopting now and inshallah i hope allah blesses them with a child of their own too.
Akhi's and Ukthi's things like Infertility may or may not be a Punishment,
and we aught to refrain from assuming it is, as this is baseless ...
also it does not imply that the the Married couple did any Zina either again this would be an assumption ...
It maybe that it is best for them Not to have any children, Allah Knows and we know not ...
:jkk:
jazakallah brother
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 01:00 PM
it could be a blessing disguise because it made them sit and reflect over their wrongs and in turn they turned to Allah swt for forgiveness and like you said, now hold on only for Allah's swt mercy to shower over them.
They are adopting now and inshallah i hope allah blesses them with a child of their own too.
:jkk: I hope Allah Ta'ala blesses their family too ...
Ameen!
Arguing that the reason for which you married in this context would be a factor or increase likelihood of divorce is desperate, and in my opinion, goes on to strength my point that some are trying to draw a line - understandably - to the youth but exaggerating points like this only loses you any hope of trying to convince someone of the distinctions between infatuation and love.
People are trying to formulate that if you sin, Allah (swt) could/would punish you in this lifetime where the sin originated from, your relationship with this person. But who are we to look into the hearts of people and make the distinction if they're love was halaal or haraam when it began, and for those for which it was halaal, how does it feel to come across such a thread in which they are being berated based on just assumptions and fears and common misunderstandings.
Now, encouraging the sentiment of love marriages is very dangerous, I understand that, but it does no good in proclaiming the fate of marriages and people's lives based on our viewings of pop culture and applying that to these couples. Ironically, there are more and more Muslims marrying this way - they meet, "fall in love", and get married without any Zinah happening in between. But then again, there are more and more Muslims who fall into the Zinah trap, date, and marry but then again I don't see the point of the common belief that you're marriage is doomed to fail if this happens, there is just as much a chance of the couple repenting and learning from their mistake, and becoming mashallah practising brothers and sisters.
Or are some just a little resentful at how that can potentially work, getting the person of your dreams alot easier than waiting for someone to approach your Walli, and then living a stable marriage in accordance to Islam and being good Muslims? And yes, some probably are as they see friends or people they know do exactly this - I actually made a thread about and many people agreed!
ThE aPpReNtIcE
24-05-08, 04:13 PM
im a bit biased...considering some recent experience but love marriages are horrendous based on the fact, both sides dont realize how sacred marriage is. and believe its so easy to commit, and thats y its so easy to break off. grr
as salamu alaikum,
love marriages don't work cuz its based purely on hormonal instincts at the first conversation/stare.
so once the hormones dies down, and you get what you want, the appeal decreases. that's not to say it is guaranteed to not work but for the most part it doesn't work.
arranged marriage is based purely on the marriage itself. the intention from the very beginning starts with having a successful marriage. now that's not to say it is guaranteed to work but for the most part it does work.
but whatever route is taken, the main part is Islaam and how much it plays in the lives of teh couple once the marriage has taken place. if the couple practices Islam half-heartedly, then chances are their love will diminish over time and unnecessary problems will arise from small things. if islam is practiced with much desire, that is, the couple WANTS Islam to be practiced and they commit themselves to it, then the religious matters takes over any small problems they may have, and they die out before it grows to any significant matter.
also, another problem with love marriages is that too much freedom is given to the wife. the wife should have all the freedom given to her in islam, but if she starts thinking she is beyond taht and starts to go against rulings of shariah (for example, trying to out without a mahram and justifying it by saying she observes hijab or niqab), then no matter how much they practice, problems WILL arise. Gheerah is the RIGHT of every man. No woman can take that away from him. so again, the problem seems that you cannot bend the rules of islam, you either follow it as given (strictness leads to obedience and obedience leads to success) or you don't (bending a single part of any rule will lead you to your downfall).
as salamu alaikum
afsalim
24-05-08, 07:56 PM
as salamu alaikum,
also, another problem with love marriages is that too much freedom is given to the wife. the wife should have all the freedom given to her in islam, but if she starts thinking she is beyond taht and starts to go against rulings of shariah (for example, trying to out without a mahram and justifying it by saying she observes hijab or niqab), then no matter how much they practice, problems WILL arise. Gheerah is the RIGHT of every man. No woman can take that away from him. so again, the problem seems that you cannot bend the rules of islam, you either follow it as given (strictness leads to obedience and obedience leads to success) or you don't (bending a single part of any rule will lead you to your downfall).
as salamu alaikum
Walaikumussalam,
I would not engage in a debate about the validity of love marriage, due to the average mindset. We'd only end up agreeing to disagree! ;)
Consider this scenario, the wife is quite educated and articulated. She has a successful corporate career, which takes her to various parts of the country and even abroad. Would she need a 'Mahram' every time she goes to the office or goes for a business trip?
RazielTemp
24-05-08, 08:02 PM
Walaikumussalam,
I would not engage in a debate about the validity of love marriage, due to the average mindset. We'd only end up agreeing to disagree! ;)
Consider this scenario, the wife is quite educated and articulated. She has a successful corporate career, which takes her to various parts of the country and even abroad. Would she need a 'Mahram' every time she goes to the office or goes for a business trip?
What does the Quran and the Hadith say about the matter?
or do we take our Own opinions to decide right from wrong?
LastFriday
24-05-08, 09:00 PM
You will notice that they do so for the Right reasons for Taqwa, and not for lust or purely for Beauty as most people do nowadays,
Love is definitely not a crime Akhi, but most people who have this "Love Marriage" don't marry their Spouses for Taqwa, they do it for Lust, that is why their Marriages fall apart, and they end up in divorce,
:jkk:
Hrmm, I'll agree. Insha'Allah.
Infertility is a common biological problem. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of reasons for male or female infertility, i.e. inferior sperm count in men and hypothalamic dysfunction in women. There are treatments for infertility. When treatments fail to work, couples try in vitro fertilization (test tube baby), artificial insemination, etc. If nothing works, they may consider adoption. But to think that their infertility is due to their premarital relationship, is dubious and superstitious at best. If that is so, the non-Muslim civilizations will cease to exist.
Can we agree that Allah (Swt) Cares more for the believers? I think so. Well I'm sure that ONE Calamity for the couple might just be from Allah (swt)
oh is this thread still going on... :scratch:
Its just getting heated LOl.
LastFriday
24-05-08, 09:04 PM
but whatever route is taken, the main part is Islaam and how much it plays in the lives of teh couple once the marriage has taken place. if the couple practices Islam half-heartedly, then chances are their love will diminish over time and unnecessary problems will arise from small things. if islam is practiced with much desire, that is, the couple WANTS Islam to be practiced and they commit themselves to it, then the religious matters takes over any small problems they may have, and they die out before it grows to any significant matter.
I was just going to say that. If a couple in "Love" are afraid that their MARRIAGE will fall apart because of the stereotypical mindset that "Love marriages don't work" then Islam can be the cure. If both agree that Islam will be a higher priority then Insha'Allah everything should work out no?
well brother u can love in islamic way and it workes but only if u know how to keep that love, ofcourse when u love someone u are sensitive with them more than others and u expect more things from them than others and thats how the problems start, so the problems in marriage have nothing to do with love the love is there but how u show it and how u keep it thats what we should look for and learn how.
Walaikumussalam,
I would not engage in a debate about the validity of love marriage, due to the average mindset. We'd only end up agreeing to disagree! ;)
Consider this scenario, the wife is quite educated and articulated. She has a successful corporate career, which takes her to various parts of the country and even abroad. Would she need a 'Mahram' every time she goes to the office or goes for a business trip?
as salamu alaikum,
if our religion says a female cannot go out without a mahram, then business trip or not, we cannot say "go ahead". we do not know better than the laws of allah swt. you understand what I'm trying to say?
as salamu alaikum
Walaikumussalam,
I would not engage in a debate about the validity of love marriage, due to the average mindset. We'd only end up agreeing to disagree! ;)
Consider this scenario, the wife is quite educated and articulated. She has a successful corporate career, which takes her to various parts of the country and even abroad. Would she need a 'Mahram' every time she goes to the office or goes for a business trip?
No coz she's an infant and therefore should be treated like one at all times.
I was just going to say that. If a couple in "Love" are afraid that their MARRIAGE will fall apart because of the stereotypical mindset that "Love marriages don't work" then Islam can be the cure. If both agree that Islam will be a higher priority then Insha'Allah everything should work out no?
as salamu alaikum,
bhai, it can, depending on the individuals. like i mentioned above, if the couple only practices half-heartedly, then you only get what you give. i remember a teacher of mine once told my class after reading some horrible and pathetic attempts at writing a essay the night before it was due, "you only get whatever you put in. so if you wait till the last minute, do the bare minimum and give me only garbage. then all you'll get is garbage back. the rule is, garbage in-garbage out." This applies to most things in life.
the problem is most people think praying, going to masjid and sometimes putting a piece of cloth over the head of the woman constitutes as being "religious". in bangladesh, they say the husband or wife is "imaan daari" (among sylhetis atleast). Or they will say "wow, they are so dhaarmic" meaning very religious. But this is nothing more than a pure show. There are many families in dhaka where the husband and wife pray regularly but after prayers, nothing else. and they are so distant within the household that you could swear they are divorced. the speech between husband and wife is extremely small, the husband will go out and come home late god knows doing what. and the wife will stay home or go out at times, and suddenly she has a cell phone and talks to people often over the phone. What's going on in her own household among her kids, she wouldn't even know. And this is supposed to be a successful marriage? No. This is utter failure. And this is only because they missed the details of islam such as covering the head properly, lowering the gaze, paying ZAKAT PROPERLY, not engaging in bribery (which is QUITE high in desi-land, especially bangladesh). having gheerah, limiting the wife's access to other guys and unncessasry conversation, restricting hindi movies/music, etc. Most bangalis, if you tell them all this, they will jump exclaiming this is oppression because they love this dunya so much.
So in conclusion, yes, the marriage can be good but the couple must not modify islam to their choosing.
as salamu alaikum
as salamu alaikum,
btw, a little advice to the bro's on this thread. be careful in speaking to the muslimahs on here. some of them have fallen so deep in this love for the dunya, that even if you bring them all the eveidence from the sunnah on what is right and what is wrong, they will still reject and mock it. so don't even waste your time on some of them. but the other muslimahs are quite intelligent and alhumdulilah, quite beautiful in mannerism. so just be careful.
as salamu alaikum
sis_niqabi
25-05-08, 04:42 PM
Salam
there is no such thing as a love marriage in Islam. you cannot love someone before marrying them unless you have committed the haraam by spending time with them alone.
there is a such thing as attraction or chemistry before marriage but love can only occur after spending time with that person alone (not having a mahram around).
it's not logical to think that you just don't fall in love with someone overnight you have too spend loads a time with that person in order to develop true love for that person
Consider this scenario, the wife is quite educated and articulated. She has a successful corporate career, which takes her to various parts of the country and even abroad. Would she need a 'Mahram' every time she goes to the office or goes for a business trip?
then she needs to find another job. a Muslim woman should not have a job that takes all over the world because she does need a mahram.
it's not permissible for a Muslim woman married or not to be traveling across the globe without a mahram
No coz she's an infant and therefore should be treated like one at all times.
ukhti, it's not permissible for a muslimah to be traveling without a mahram. this has nothing to do with a man putting a woman down or making women out to be children. this has something to do with what prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said about women traveling far distances by themselves without a mahram.
i use to think it was silly and unnecessary for a woman to be forced to have mahram when she travels, but after studying this matter closely i realized the wisdom in it and now i could never imagine traveling without my mahrams
you should read up on this issue before making such statements about it
afsalim
25-05-08, 09:07 PM
as salamu alaikum,
if our religion says a female cannot go out without a mahram, then business trip or not, we cannot say "go ahead". we do not know better than the laws of allah swt. you understand what I'm trying to say?
as salamu alaikum
Walaikumussalam,
Got your point. I don't agree with it, but I appreciate your point.
No coz she's an infant and therefore should be treated like one at all times.
It was a genuine question. Sarcasm was unwarranted.
then she needs to find another job. a Muslim woman should not have a job that takes all over the world because she does need a mahram.
it's not permissible for a Muslim woman married or not to be traveling across the globe without a mahram
Thus, limiting her possibility of individual growth as a human being. I also appreciate your point.
Bint ISLAM
26-05-08, 02:13 PM
i cant remember where i read this but it was 'for 2 people that love each other the best thing is marriage, in which their love will increase (in the halal way)'
i dunt fink its just love marriages that fail, arrange marriages fail too and uno wat realli and truly its down to the 2 ppl learnin to compromise with each other... u 2 can either make it or break it... and member marriage is a contract, if it works it works and if it doesnt then there shudnt be a stigma attached to the divorcee woman (cuz the man doesnt get that type of stigma on himself)
the sahaba hu were amongst the first 3 generations divorced, we are but the layman muslims
LastFriday
26-05-08, 03:26 PM
as salamu alaikum,
btw, a little advice to the bro's on this thread. be careful in speaking to the muslimahs on here. some of them have fallen so deep in this love for the dunya, that even if you bring them all the eveidence from the sunnah on what is right and what is wrong, they will still reject and mock it. so don't even waste your time on some of them. but the other muslimahs are quite intelligent and alhumdulilah, quite beautiful in mannerism. so just be careful.
as salamu alaikum
How do you know what the muslimahs are like on here (ummah forum)? o.O
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