I know the best place for the Muslim woman is the home, but...

[sis_niqabi]

salam

i recently found out i won't be working next due to some work problems and personal problems i am no longer allowed to work. so i'll be in the house doing nothing.

i know the best place for the woman is the home but i am a woman with no husband or kids honestly what can i do in the house?

im so upset because before i stayed in the house for 2 years straight and i was depressed and did absolutely nothing. and again im going to be stuck in the house with nothing to do only this time my mental health is worse than before. and when i have too much time on my hands i tend to obsess about things like death and negativity.

and when im home doing nothing my parents always complain about me always being down sad my mother doesn't even want to listen to me sometimes. but i don't have anyone else to talk to.

i don't understand if home is the best place for the woman than why am i so depressed about staying home?

im really upset that i won't be able to work and that i have to stay home.

[Amatullaah]

:start:

:salams

Well, I'm also currently stuck at home right now as well, so I can kind of empathize with you, but for different reasons. Anyways, I suggest that you help your parents out with chores (which will earn you 'ajr, insha'Allaah), like washing the dishes, cleaning the house, etc. Also, you can take this time to gain more 'ilm, insha'Allaah. How's you Arabic? Can you read, write, and speak it? If not, perhaps this is the time to learn the language so that you gain access to all the classical works of Islaamic shuyookh. You can also spend your time memorizing Qur'aan, reading translations of important Islaamic literature (i.e. Riyaad us-Saliheen, Saheeh Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim, etc.) and praying extra naafil salaat.

Or you can just come on Ummah.com and talk to your sisters.

[nomoreillusions]

I can't help you get out of the house, but maybe I can offer some suggestions for what to do while you're stuck there.

Why not take up a hobby? You don't have to be stuck doing 'nothing'... maybe find something to do with your time and hands that will keep you busy and perhaps even be productive! :)

Maybe take up embroidery, sewing or knitting. You could have a whole new wardrobe in no time! :D I've been spinning yarn for about 4 months now and it's a wonderful way to pass the time, relax, but also keep busy and be productive.

What about art? Do you draw or paint? Do you enjoy gardening? You could start an herb or vegetable or even flower garden to tend? Do you write? Do you like to learn? Maybe pick up a 'how to' book and figure out how to do something new :)

[Lord Summerisle]

only this time my mental health is worse than before. and when i have too much time on my hands i tend to obsess about things like death and negativity.


Sis_niqabi, a serious suggestion-have you considered Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

It's a very effective talking therapy which can help with anxiety, depression and unhelpful thinking. The basic theory is that our thoughts, feelings and behaviour are all connected. Feeling bad or depressed is a result of our thoughts and limiting beliefs.

You should be able to get a referral via your GP.:)

[afsalim]

Sis,

There are a lot of hobbies you can pickup during this time. Reading, writing, cooking, sewing, knitting, etc. You can't possibly get bored or depressed if you occupy yourself with something. My wife is an amateur photographer and she's very passionate about it. So whenever we go out, say for a picnic or an exhibition, she always tags along her SLR with her.

[Ebony]

How can one expect to contribute to the community if all they do is sit at home?Theres only so much to keep you occupied, even a hobby begins to become lacklustre when its the only thing that keeps your mind ticking.

In the short period you are at home, try books or if you can enrol on a course p/t. Apart from that, look for volunteer work and/or a p/t job. Keep your mind active, rather than opting for semi incarceration via remaining sedentary and a vegetable

[dhakiyya]

There are lots of ways to keep yourself busy at home... some of them suggested already by NMI and others - inshaAllah devote the time to learning - learn Arabic, learn more about Islam, learn a few suras from the Qur'an... there are many different crafts and hobbies you could do. can you knit or sew? these are not only crafts but very useful too, because you can make and mend clothes.

you have the internet right? so you can find out all about these different things online.

[Rouz]

:salams

Im the opposite to you, at the moment id love to stay at home :) This world is driving me crazy at the moment! id love just to sit back for a bit and concentrate my efforts into learning about islam.

But sis, i agree with all the other advice. Try and keep yourself busy with islamic stuff. Maybe invite sisters round every now and then? Enrol on online courses? The possibilities are endless! But definitely see your friends and stuff otherwise youll feel lonely.

I think the more you think "staying at home makes me depressed" the more likely that is going to be the case. So try and look at it a bit positively enshaAllah. All the best.

[.: Anna :.]

sis hav u got a garden? bc insha allah try and spend some time outside in fresh air and with sunlight mayb that will help the problem, cos when u stay inside all time and feel depressed it could be to do with that. and doing some exercise @ home, keeping busy.. otherwise u begin to feel more demotivated to do things and it will only get in a worse cycle.
some hobbies like the sisters said is a good idea, u cn give urself some projects to do. mayb if u make things like clothes, painting etc u can sell it online then u will feel like u are working not just staying in home doing nothing?

[Joha]

Do you enjoy gardening? You could start an herb or vegetable or even flower garden to tend? Do you write? Do you like to learn? Maybe pick up a 'how to' book and figure out how to do something new :)

That's a brilliant suggestion...not much that's more therapeutic than some gardening.

Or if you don't have one, start something fun in your room. Get yourself a large collection of potted plants... grow some vegetables!

And sunlight, another good suggestion from sis Anna. I remember I get really down in the winter, then summer comes along, a few days in the sun and it really lifts your spirits - even when there's nothing living for :)

Or how about get yourself some kids and teach them something at home? Any subject you're good at?

[Rouz]

sis hav u got a garden? bc insha allah try and spend some time outside in fresh air and with sunlight mayb that will help the problem, cos when u stay inside all time and feel depressed it could be to do with that. and doing some exercise @ home, keeping busy.. otherwise u begin to feel more demotivated to do things and it will only get in a worse cycle.
some hobbies like the sisters said is a good idea, u cn give urself some projects to do. mayb if u make things like clothes, painting etc u can sell it online then u will feel like u are working not just staying in home doing nothing?

Yeah i like this idea..like make clothes or things to sell on ebay or something. You could make like jilbabs to sell to sisters, cos they look pretty simple to make. Well they look like it anyway lol :)

[sada]

assalam...awww ukhte,be sure it is the best for women,especially in today's world,cos it is worse than term of 'jaheleyyah' as we live a term like that despite 'wahy' but that jaheleyyah term was without 'wahy'...i dnt know why u have to stay at home,it is ur choise or related of ur parents but u must remember always,a house of a moslem woman is her kingdom...we must have our houses as a ' ilm majles,madrasah'...as a therapy center...as a garden as if it is part from jannah,reading Qur'an,learning shareah,u know...and today we have lots of feasibility to spend our time fully...regarding women of Ashab,OF COURSE THEY ARE SO SPECİAL,DİFFERENT WİTH THEİR İMAN,TASLEMEYYAH...BUT WE MUST TRY TO LİVE OUR iSLAM İN THE BEST WAY...i'd wish i could study at home,not in these mixed universities...my life is passing travelling and away from my family,i hated outside,exactly...how i miss my home but i have to be away my home now but inshAllah when i graduated my home will be my clinic as a dr.and of course my ilm center;)and especially u can read surah inshirah when u re bored,u dnt have to need artificial therapies,look for it at home...ur pain is ur cure,be sure ukhte...wassalam...

[the_middle_road]

:wswrwb:

Can't you go study? Take up some Islamic studies classes or something. Or rather Arabic. Arabic is the key to knowledge.

[carol_au]

Sis right now you are young and you have so few responsibilities

Once you marry and particularly once children start coming you won't have time to pursue other things with no pressure on you to combine family and your personal interests in a balanced way.

My suggestion is to do as the other sisters have suggested and use this time wisely.. don't just go into it with a negative attitude but embrace it as a gift from Allah ta'ala for you .

Make a list of the things you would like to do and to learn.. and remember, this could mean professional training as well. .. Many courses are available to study at home so you could actually keep learning in anticipation of maybe returning to work later if your husband is happy for that to happen.

Plan for this to be a really beneficial time. Learn to do things in the house you better than you do now. it can only help you when you do have a family to do things in a way that will please your husband and keep you stress free and happy with the way your house runs.

You will never have a better time to learn and study Islam.. make every opportunity to excell in this now so later you can use it with other sisters to help them, and to teach your children when Allah blesses you with them insha'Allah.


The key is to plan for and embrace this time as from Allah subhanu wa ta'ala.

[PiElle2]

sis... you didn't say what were your work and personal problems were so it's very difficult to advice... but anyway, it's your parents' objection to your working one of the reasons you are 'not allowed' to work...?

... what about others things you want to spend your time more wisely on... will you be allowed to do them...?

it seems like you already told yourself the best place for muslim woman is at home, does that include yourself? because if you keep holding that thought, you will find that what ever you do, you will be directed to this thought, and what ever you try to do outside, you won't be happy, and when you stay at home, you won't be happy too...

you need to first be clear which place is your heart and work out the obstacles and aim towards your happiness...

:)

[City_Sister]

Just because you can't go to work, doesn't mean you have to stay in the house 24/7 right? I mean it's not like it's haram for you to go outside, take a walk, go for some shopping etc.? If your husband gives you permission I don't see the problem.

Also I agree with the sisters about filling your time with usefill things like learning Arabic, reading, studying Islaam and Qur'an. Doing things around the house like baking, cooking, trying out new recipies, knitting, sewing, starting a vegetable or herb garden etc. You can do voluntary work, there are also jobs you can work at home (packeging things etc) or maybe babysit children.

[GothiKa]

i know the best place for the woman is the home but i am a woman with no husband or kids honestly what can i do in the house?

here are the things you can do

(1) read all the hadith
(2) read the Quran
(3) read the bible
(4) read books on philosophy
(5) read books on cosmology
(6) watch animes
(7) participate in the comparative religion section

except for number five, I do all those when I'm at home (which is most of the time).

[sis_niqabi]

salam

:jkk: everyone for your advice. i think i might try growing a garden.

sis... you didn't say what were your work and personal problems were so it's very difficult to advice... but anyway, it's your parents' objection to your working one of the reasons you are 'not allowed' to work...?

... what about others things you want to spend your time more wisely on... will you be allowed to do them...?

it seems like you already told yourself the best place for muslim woman is at home, does that include yourself? because if you keep holding that thought, you will find that what ever you do, you will be directed to this thought, and what ever you try to do outside, you won't be happy, and when you stay at home, you won't be happy too...

you need to first be clear which place is your heart and work out the obstacles and aim towards your happiness...

:)

yes that part of the reason why im not working. they won't allow me to work again because i quit 2 jobs in 2 years and they say they are sick of me and jobs. but for me i feel i was just in the wrong field. i would have liked to tried another field of work but i guess i won't be able to do. that. i was a preschool teaching assistant, it was a bit stressful and i just found i don't have patience for kids that small.i know im not cut out for that job but i feel as though i could do better at another job had i been given a chance. im actually quite upset they won't let me work anymore and making me stay in the house all day doing nothing.

[Ebony]

So many people quit jobs in a short number of years, I don't see how thats an issue at all. Better to quit than stay in a job that sucks, not as if you have bills to pay or a family to support.

[PiElle2]

salam

:jkk: everyone for your advice. i think i might try growing a garden.



yes that part of the reason why im not working. they won't allow me to work again because i quit 2 jobs in 2 years and they say they are sick of me and jobs. but for me i feel i was just in the wrong field. i would have liked to tried another field of work but i guess i won't be able to do. that. i was a preschool teaching assistant, it was a bit stressful and i just found i don't have patience for kids that small.i know im not cut out for that job but i feel as though i could do better at another job had i been given a chance. im actually quite upset they won't let me work anymore and making me stay in the house all day doing nothing.



what a dilemma you got there, sis... :scratch:

1) if you work, you get stressed out and your parents are not happy for you...
2) if you stay at home, you are not happy, and your parents are also not happy...

LOL
so what's the solution...? :idea: hmmm... howz aboutz try to be happy in whatever you do so people around you can be happy too...????


gardening sounds good!

i wish i dun have to work and can stay at home... so many things i could do...

[Apricot]

Sis Niqabi,

From your mentioning of negative thoughts cycle and your indecisiveness with regards to a career path, you sound a lot like I have felt in recent years. I had either unsupportive family or well-meaning relatives who didn't quite know how to advise me. I know what really helped me, in addition to a lot of earnest du'a asking Allah (swt) to guide me to some modicum of worldly satisfaction, was finding a good woman therapist who was familiar with Islamic lifestyle. She was able to help me deal with a lot of negative thought patterns and after a couple of months, she began to drop hints about possible suitable careers and so forth.

It's worth trying to track down Muslim counsellors/ therapists/ psychologists/ psychiatrists in your area and contacting them. Yes, it will cost you some money, but the potential help they can provide can help you sort your life out in a positive way, inshaAllah.

[sis_niqabi]

Sis Niqabi,

From your mentioning of negative thoughts cycle and your indecisiveness with regards to a career path, you sound a lot like I have felt in recent years. I had either unsupportive family or well-meaning relatives who didn't quite know how to advise me. I know what really helped me, in addition to a lot of earnest du'a asking Allah (swt) to guide me to some modicum of worldly satisfaction, was finding a good woman therapist who was familiar with Islamic lifestyle. She was able to help me deal with a lot of negative thought patterns and after a couple of months, she began to drop hints about possible suitable careers and so forth.

It's worth trying to track down Muslim counsellors/ therapists/ psychologists/ psychiatrists in your area and contacting them. Yes, it will cost you some money, but the potential help they can provide can help you sort your life out in a positive way, inshaAllah.

you know i would like to visit a therapist, because i honestly believe i need to go and talk to someone, but my parents believe it's something unnecessary and believe im being just being dramatic

[PiElle2]

you know i would like to visit a therapist, because i honestly believe i need to go and talk to someone, but my parents believe it's something unnecessary and believe im being just being dramatic


have you read the book "Don't be Sad" by 'Aaidh Ibn Abdullah al-Qarni...? i just bought it today and it looks like it's got a lot of constructive Islamic ways to deal with life's challenges... maybe you want start with that...? :)

[.: hayat :.]

:salams

Im the opposite to you, at the moment id love to stay at home :) This world is driving me crazy at the moment! id love just to sit back for a bit and concentrate my efforts into learning about islam.

But sis, i agree with all the other advice. Try and keep yourself busy with islamic stuff. Maybe invite sisters round every now and then? Enrol on online courses? The possibilities are endless! But definitely see your friends and stuff otherwise youll feel lonely.

I think the more you think "staying at home makes me depressed" the more likely that is going to be the case. So try and look at it a bit positively enshaAllah. All the best.

me to i'd love to stay at home especially now when i have projects tomake n will start exams period,,,i am waiting like a crazy the summer free period 4 trying to learn arabic n read islamic books n meeting sisters at masjid inshallah:hidban:now notime 4 these cuse i feel pressured by studies,,,n still having 2 yrs more:(

[MALEEHAH]

Assalamu alaykum

I have recently finished my uni exams and will be off uni for 4months now. For the past few years i have stayed at home during the summer holidays which are few months long. There was a time where i would think there is nothing to do at home and feel down but Alhamdulilah over the years i have found many things to do. Reading Islamic books is a good start. At the moment i am reading the book that PiElle2 has mentioned. It is a great book. I would highly recommend this book to you. Start by reading this book, then go on to other Islamic books. Learn Arabic, this will help you understand the Qur'an and ahadith. You can learn through books or learn online. Sewing is also a great way to pass time from my experience. Spend more time reading and understanding the Qur'an and doing zikr. This will help remove depression insha'Allah.

Wassalam.

[MALEEHAH]

Just because you can't go to work, doesn't mean you have to stay in the house 24/7 right? I mean it's not like it's haram for you to go outside, take a walk, go for some shopping etc.? If your husband gives you permission I don't see the problem.

Also I agree with the sisters about filling your time with usefill things like learning Arabic, reading, studying Islaam and Qur'an. Doing things around the house like baking, cooking, trying out new recipies, knitting, sewing, starting a vegetable or herb garden etc. You can do voluntary work, there are also jobs you can work at home (packeging things etc) or maybe babysit children.

Salams sis. You mentioned workin from home. You got any information? JazakAllah.

[Rouz]

me to i'd love to stay at home especially now when i have projects tomake n will start exams period,,,i am waiting like a crazy the summer free period 4 trying to learn arabic n read islamic books n meeting sisters at masjid inshallah:hidban:now notime 4 these cuse i feel pressured by studies,,,n still having 2 yrs more:(

Me too sis :)

I finished college today, i just have exams now, and then ages off until i go to uni enshaAllah. I seriously can't wait, i have so much i want to do, enshaAllah!