Islamically: Do you choose your husband or parents?

[Islamiyyah]

Im not going to get into details but I just need general advice.

My mother and step-dad strongly dislike my husband strongly and think we are having problems, and they would perfer me to leave him. Their reasons for disliking him are bizzare and untrue. They are getting all these bad thoughts about him and say I should meet someone else. They are suspicious of everything he does even though I told them numerous times its all not true and we are NOT having problems. However they refuse to listen.

Im getting to the point where I feel I have to choose a side. Of course without a blinkk of an eye I would choose my husband, and I think thats the correct choice islamically speaking as well? Is it? And is it allowed for anyone to meddle into someone elses marriage asking me to investigate my husband and meet someone else??

[PiElle2]

sis... it is your marriage after all. i am curious why people like to criticise other people's marriage yet they are still together themselves...? ever thought of it that way...?

[Fairy]

I find it so hard to believe that a MUSLIM Parent would want their child to get a divorce, no offence but what is wrong with your parents?

[PiElle2]

I find it so hard to believe that a MUSLIM Parent would want their child to get a divorce, no offence but what is wrong with your parents?

shaytan disguised himself in many forms... to destroy marriages... so i say, be nice to parents... and be even nicer to husband... so love will be strengthen for all in the family... and cast the enemy away...:D

[ibn Iyaaz]

Im not going to get into details but I just need general advice.

My mother and step-dad strongly dislike my husband strongly and think we are having problems, and they would perfer me to leave him. Their reasons for disliking him are bizzare and untrue. They are getting all these bad thoughts about him and say I should meet someone else. They are suspicious of everything he does even though I told them numerous times its all not true and we are NOT having problems. However they refuse to listen.

Im getting to the point where I feel I have to choose a side. Of course without a blinkk of an eye I would choose my husband, and I think thats the correct choice islamically speaking as well? Is it? And is it allowed for anyone to meddle into someone elses marriage asking me to investigate my husband and meet someone else??

You are not allowed to be suspicious of any muslim brother or sister especially not your husband or wife. Suspicion is from shytaan. I cant remember the ayaat in the Quraan about suspicion, if anyone knows it could they post it please?

Your first duty is to your husband, but be mindful of distancing/cutting ties with you parents, its a very difficult thing to balance, may Allah (SWT) make it easy for you.

[Omar Mukhtar]

...

[muslimma]

:start:

suspicion is wrong sis unless they have good reason to believe which really they should have addressed before you got married surely....?

[ibn Iyaaz]

(49:12) Avoid suspicion as far as possible and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs.

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins..." [Qur`an 49:12]


· Do not be pushed by what has been said to go and check on others and spy. Allah said: "... and spy not..." [Qur`an 49:12]


· Do not accept for yourself what you have forbidden the Namaam from doing. Do not spread his Nameemah. Al-Hasan (Radhiallahu `Anhu) said: "Whoever carries Nameemah to you, will carry one about you." The Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) is reported to have said: "The worst people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be those who, the people leave (undisturbed) to be away from their evil."


"The Qaati` will not enter Paradise." They asked, "Who is the Qaati`?" He said, "The one who severs the bonds among the people." [al-Bukhari & Muslim]

[Chained_Water]

You don't choose a side.. just keep both separate. Tell them you appreciate their concern, but your marriage is not something you want them to involve themselves in and that if you need help you will ask them for it.

Everytime they bring it up, just make your apologies and say you have to leave. If you're on the phone and they start, say "Mum I love you but I'm not going to talk about this, if you want to talk about something else, call me back.. assalaamu alaikum" and just hang up.

Don't get into arguments. Don't let them engage in the subject. ..and don't tell your husband what they say about him.. because this may cause resentment, he may start having problems with you, not like you seeing them etc.. ..and it may be that your parents get over it and start to like him again, but if you tell him what they said, he may keep something against them in his heart even after they've come around and warmed to him again.

[ibn Iyaaz]

Got a bit carried away, its one of my favourite ayaats, just wanted to get it right :D

[yasmin20]

sister you're married now ....no-one has the right to interfer as long as you and your husband have a healthy loving relationship
you're parents need to understand that you love each other it's like the more you tell them you're happy the more they will think you're lying so next time when you see them draw a line and be nice and lovingly explain to them that they need to stop interferring and that it's nice they are concerned for you .... tell them that you're glad that you can rely on them if you ever have any problems.....

this reminds me a bit like one of my aunties ...she always has not liked my husband everytime i speak to her she asks me 'are you happy my darling' and I always ask her what she thinks and she usually says I'm happy and I tell her thats her answer....it gets a bit :zzz: but it's their concern too

[Mumtaz]

You don't choose a side.. just keep both separate. Tell them you appreciate their concern, but your marriage is not something you want them to involve themselves in and that if you need help you will ask them for it.

Everytime they bring it up, just make your apologies and say you have to leave. If you're on the phone and they start, say "Mum I love you but I'm not going to talk about this, if you want to talk about something else, call me back.. assalaamu alaikum" and just hang up.

Don't get into arguments. Don't let them engage in the subject. ..and don't tell your husband what they say about him.. because this may cause resentment, he may start having problems with you, not like you seeing them etc.. ..and it may be that your parents get over it and start to like him again, but if you tell him what they said, he may keep something against them in his heart even after they've come around and warmed to him again.
:up: wise advice.

[Ebony]

Why not invite your parents over or both go over there and do this often so they can see theres nothing wrong with your r'ship and that overall your husband isn't a bad chap? Sometimes they are concerned because they feel something is wrong, its only natural for them to be worried.

So increased communication and interaction can/may help. But its best you dont narrate everything to your husband, or everything to parents either.

[neelu]

The only valid reason they can have for wanting you to break up is if they know something you don't about your husband which is seriously wrong (like seen him get up to no good with someone else or something)- but if all they're offering is flimsy excuses, then don't pay attention to them. If the situation is exactly as you've described then what your parents are doing is sinful.

[afsalim]

Im not going to get into details but I just need general advice.

My mother and step-dad strongly dislike my husband strongly and think we are having problems, and they would perfer me to leave him. Their reasons for disliking him are bizzare and untrue. They are getting all these bad thoughts about him and say I should meet someone else. They are suspicious of everything he does even though I told them numerous times its all not true and we are NOT having problems. However they refuse to listen.

Im getting to the point where I feel I have to choose a side. Of course without a blinkk of an eye I would choose my husband, and I think thats the correct choice islamically speaking as well? Is it? And is it allowed for anyone to meddle into someone elses marriage asking me to investigate my husband and meet someone else??

Salams,

When a person gets married, how that person conducts his/her marital life is no one else's business, not even parents. Now the question is, would you let your parents control your life and your future like that?

[Islamiyyah]

JazakAllahu Khayr for all the advice.

CW - I already made that mistake that you put in bold :( And my husband is now leaning towards me not seeing my parents. They dont talk to eachother and Im in the middle. Of course I defend my husband and stay by his side no matter what.

My family is so convinced that there is a problem that they took it to the masjid and spoke with the men in charge there. This made myhusband furious because it tarnished his image in the masjid. He found that out on his own though. I am just afraid my family is going to push my husband to the brink. He said he always wanted to have nice in-laws but I guess thats not the case.

[JayC]

sister just out of curiosity.... are your family muslim?



regardless of faith, keeping good ties with familyis essential. but the advice theyr giving you to ditch your husband and jack-up with another guy is very very haraam.


if push comes to shove, between both, the relationship worth saving is your marriage.

[.: Anna :.]

CW's advice is very good.
I don't understand why your parents would be like that? :S :(
Insha Allah try to ignore it to an extent and don't break ties with them, be good to them, and try to let them see how happy you are with your husband, tell them all good things about him maybe after some time they will change their impression. But you have been married such a short time how can they be telling you to leave him and that he is no good, that would hardly even give the marriage a chance?! and masha allah even from on here we can see that u are very happy with him.
Insha allah make alot of dua that their hearts will change towards him. They were okay with him @ the time of the marriage right so that is so strange how it has changed.
And its totally wrong for someone to suggest try and meet someone else, you are a married woman u cnt be considering other men.. until u were divorced and after iddah finished, if that was the situation. That is really crazy :s

[Islamiyyah]

sister just out of curiosity.... are your family muslim?



regardless of faith, keeping good ties with familyis essential. but the advice theyr giving you to ditch your husband and jack-up with another guy is very very haraam.


if push comes to shove, between both, the relationship worth saving is your marriage.

My mother and stepfather are muslim. I know of course Ill save my marriage no matter what. I love my husband so much and I would do anything to save my marriage.

CW's advice is very good.
I don't understand why your parents would be like that? :S :(
Insha Allah try to ignore it to an extent and don't break ties with them, be good to them, and try to let them see how happy you are with your husband, tell them all good things about him maybe after some time they will change their impression. But you have been married such a short time how can they be telling you to leave him and that he is no good, that would hardly even give the marriage a chance?! and masha allah even from on here we can see that u are very happy with him.
Insha allah make alot of dua that their hearts will change towards him. They were okay with him @ the time of the marriage right so that is so strange how it has changed.
And its totally wrong for someone to suggest try and meet someone else, you are a married woman u cnt be considering other men.. until u were divorced and after iddah finished, if that was the situation. That is really crazy :s


I know my husband was like if they are having problems now why didnt they in the begining? The thing is they think my husband is marrying me for papers and we're having problems and he's just taking me for a 'ride'. Although my husband has papers and Ive seen them and he said even if that was the case he wouldve married someone older and/or he has so many other ways to get papers if he didnt have them. I know my husband loves me and I love him but they are just so set and convinced they are right. If they keep it up however, my husband will defo tell me to stop talking to them until he wants me to again.

[.: Anna :.]

sis insha allah dnt keep telling ur hubby what they are saying, bc if he tells u to break contact with them it will b more difficult for u. cos ur not allowed to break ties with family, so u cant totally listen 2 him in that and hav noo contact with them whatsoever right? so he will feel annoyed if he says dnt talk 2 them but u have to talk to them.. so inshaallah try not to mention so much to him incase he will say that. even tho it is hard bc u probly want to share ur problems with him so u can help..
about the papers can he not just show ur parents aswell then they will hav no more argument left about that? :S

[muslimah85]

sis you married someone recommended by your step father right? I dont know something feels amis, If your step father felt he was good enough for you and to recommend you to marry him he seems to have changed his mind quick.

regardless of your husbands motive, your married now, the onus is on you to make your marriage work, your not a coward so dont give up, if its means distancing yourself from your parents until things cool down so be it, Sometimes you have to do whats best for yourself and now your husband,

[Kal-El]

Choose your husband. I'm sorry but it seems like they're trying to break you two apart. How can a mother and father do that? Important thing is, they are doing it - and if you don't choose your husband then this might seed insecurities into his mind and actually cause problems between the two of you. You won't believe how many times that happens; people make up stories that a couple are having issues and because of that rumour, the couple start having issues!