Forced Marrige

[Bero Blue]

ASALAM ALYKUM WA RAHMAT ALLAH WA BARAKATU,

Thanks to Allah who choose Islam for us as a religion , who reward us with JANNAH for after life so we can handle the pain of present life ..
Thanks to his majesty , he gave us patience to handle tough moments .

The smile is barely shown, the laugh is barely known..swallowing the pain all over , hide tears under happiness cover .
We may smile , cry , laugh or sigh not to mention our heart is full already with pain , however we throw memories behind and bury them in our called behind mind or out of sight , we realize memories are still… warm and alive !
Memories hurt , what you done really hurt but the solution for all this is to pray and pray either we get it in DUNIAH –ZINDIGI- or after life JANNA, it’s worth it cause pain is always there in life can’t remove it cause it’s a part of prophets life also (PBUT).

the reason why I am opning this topic is that I am about to make a book through my own experiance, yet I am still single , but i did went through a tough and very emotional bad experiance that end up with force marrige, but guess what .. it happens for the men too!!

I was extra shock regarding this! how could man be power less in front of his own family in convincing and choosing there own life and decison regarding his soul mate!
that what i want to talk about, how strange things i have learned and see starting from being forced even as a male for such things and allot more..

i wish we can all share our experiance about such things as well as i will come back to write the rest of what i want to say insha allah..

take care all ,
you sister
Bero

[miss-islamic]

Cool. PM me the book title when the book comes out. :) hmm, yeh, dudes get force married too. A lot of emotional blackmail by parent is used. Sometimes people are just wuses and don’t want to speak up about their rights and what they want from a spouse and then cry they were forced. Also people should remember that it’s not the fault of your spouse if you are forced to marry them(esp. when you didn’t do much to stop it yourself before it was to happen). There is still a chance for things to work out. I wonder if people here worry about marrying someone who is marrying you because they are forced and to maketheir parents happy?

[turquoise]

Salaam,

Can emotional blackmail really be described as 'force'? I know in some 'back home' countries, girls literally can be forced, and have no legal recourse against their family's retaliation if they refuse. Maybe the same is sometimes true for boys, though I kind of doubt it. But in the West, hamdulillah, parents can't force their children to marry anyone. If a girl's parents refuse to support her as punishment for her refusal, there are social programs available (though it may be a step down from the standards she's accustomed to). If they beat her, and she reports it to the police, they will go to jail.

I don't doubt that it's a real problem in some parts of the world. But a lot of the posts I see here regarding 'forced marriages' would be better described as 'failure to grow a spine and say no'. I've yet to see a 'forced' marriage in the west, or for a man anywhere, that didn't fit that description.

[Bero Blue]

salam alykum ,

thanks for your replys.

actuly Mr. or Miss turquoise I like it when you said ('forced marriages' would be better described as 'failure to grow a spine and say no')

you said the truth , thats what i belived always , it only weakness and powerless from both specially Men !
but beileve me , it does happen in alot of the Asian countries cause of the ((CULTURE)) !!

for me as i always had lived with an open minded - religous muslim family , altough we are in the middle east. i didn't thought such things do exist in world ! specially from an Indian family ( i saw alot of indian mixing with other countries in usa and europe) but i realise now how strict most of them are !!
i used to live independent and didn't ever imagine such thing could happen to me , i was always strong and thought to fight for my rights..when you see some one trying to be close to your heart and like being with you, what would you do ? for me i didn't ever liked the (love and teenager stuff) i wanted every thing to be right !! so when he tried to become closer i rise a red stop sign to defend and say " hello , where are you going ? is this relationship gonna go farther for the right spot ??" , i found weakness in his eyes and repeated" after my family accept " !!!
for 2 years i been fighting for our right againest any one's choice , this is our life and we have to choose our partners, how come some one kill love ! specially that your son is asking for that love , why would you use his love to you ( the parent ) and let him bow for your wishes ??? if they really love you they will look at your eyes and aishes not the socity !!
only the reall man can understand and try to convence thim in the right way..
others are (powerless or negative )

to be countinoud...

miss - islamic , it seems i am writing my story here , lol


take care every one

salam.
your sister,
Bero

[Mujib]

Cool. PM me the book title when the book comes out. :) hmm, yeh, dudes get force married too. A lot of emotional blackmail by parent is used. Sometimes people are just wuses and don’t want to speak up about their rights and what they want from a spouse and then cry they were forced. Also people should remember that it’s not the fault of your spouse if you are forced to marry them(esp. when you didn’t do much to stop it yourself before it was to happen). There is still a chance for things to work out. I wonder if people here worry about marrying someone who is marrying you because they are forced and to maketheir parents happy?

LOL I was goin through the same boat, my mum was sort of trying to force me to marry her niece..I was against it as I didnt like her, no attraction at all. She used it all on me, especially emotional blackmail...But i remained strong!
I even recently went to pakistan and she keptcalling there trying to get my cousins to talk to me bout marrying her...i said never! I wana get married in england inshallah...

[Maureen]

Cool. PM me the book title when the book comes out. :) hmm, yeh, dudes get force married too. A lot of emotional blackmail by parent is used. Sometimes people are just wuses and don’t want to speak up about their rights and what they want from a spouse and then cry they were forced. Also people should remember that it’s not the fault of your spouse if you are forced to marry them(esp. when you didn’t do much to stop it yourself before it was to happen). There is still a chance for things to work out. I wonder if people here worry about marrying someone who is marrying you because they are forced and to maketheir parents happy?

Some non-Muslims also get pressure from their parents for marriage. I did, and I am thankful now that I stuck by my own thoughts, and waited till the right person came along.

[PiElle2]

sis... are you writing a book about forced marriages on men from a female's perspective...? maybe you want to explore the meaning and include the value of 'honour' and s'acrifice' in your book...?

[Bero Blue]

salam alykum ,

thanks again for all your replys.

Mr.Mujib & Maureen , I think both of you did the right thing for your life.
few People can tolerate foreced marrige , almost all who went through and got Married are the people who have probloms ( i don't mean other's don't !) I can see them going for Affaires or Love away of there own house.. i say it agian i don't mean it only happen when it is forced it do happen every where, muslims or non-mulisms .
it could work perfectly if the man (doesn't matter at all ) and don't have any specific choice in women , and specially not already in (LOVE with other one).
this what i want to talk about Mr.PiElli2 , houner and sacrifi for family is somthing alse , i can't force my self to live with some one for the rest of my life just to please them . i can please them with alot of things in the whole life and choices in deffrent feilleds.

I am writing my own experiance and i will show the side of how i saw things around me , and how the world can see it also..

thanks again for your comments.

to be countinued...

[Mujib]

I hope you dont mind me asking you a personal question....How far did your parents go in pushing you to marry someone? Forced?

[Eemaan]

bb, are/were your prarents practising? what will your stance be on the role of islam in your unfortunate experience?

[PiElle2]

I hope you dont mind me asking you a personal question....How far did your parents go in pushing you to marry someone? Forced?


i have a feeling that it wasn't her who was forced into a marriage.

[Bero Blue]

salam alykum,

the main reason of this topic is to discuss how it could happen to men too ? i still find it so strange!

no Mr.Mujib, I wasn't the one who been forced cause i wouldn't throw my life away just to please socity , i can do all what my parent want but in this i will be the one who choose and take there blessing.
sorry it might sound at my last reply that it was me . no, it was the man who were forced - which i still find very strange and i could say he is lieing more than beileivng such thing could happen- !

in the past , some men used to offer there daughters to the right man, Syedah Khadijah -Radia Allah Anha- choosed prophet Mohammed PBUH and offerd him to marry her . this pure love stayed for long years until she died . although she was older than him . good couple doesn't masure with age , color, size , wealth or NATIOUNATLY. it is all baised in TAQWA and be mintally alike .
this is what i beileve most.
i didn't want to disturb my life ,after he showed intrest in a shy way , i told him clearly that am not a kind of girl who would go long for any realtionship even friendship with the other sex , i can only be in your life as your own wife..i made it clear as i read in the Hdeeth Shareef ( Nothing is better for lovers than Marrige).. (لم ير للمتحابين مثل النكاح )
when he said ( he want this to happen or alse he will be single as a free bird ) i really become more strong to fight for us and make his and my dream come true.. all i wanted to have is a husbend whom i liked and understand so we can walk togather in the same road till we reach heaven , i didn't put in mind that people would refuse such good thing for there own son .
I blame my self now some times that i was the Maschine pushing this Ship to sale , it barly left the Marine !

for any other personal Quistions: we ddin't went far , no flirting or unIslamic affaires , all we did is our discussion about how things go and so on..the problom is we are working togather and i am avoiding him too much to save my self from bad situation and emotional scene .

sigh, i don't like to shade my tears or be emotional when i talk about this.

[PiElle2]

well... nobody likes the feeling of being rejected. period.

[sadaf29]

I know alot of girls who have had force marriages and some guys too its very sad that this sort of thing happens even though its against islam, but a force marriage can never really work and thats something parents dont understand, i look at girls who have had force marriages and they cant stand their husbands they have nothing in common with them, they dont spend time together, and they pretend they are happy for the sake of honour or just to please everyone in the family, alot of families dont understand this they dont care if their daughters are unhappy aslong as everyone else is happy, and its not always easy to go to the police or runaway when your being forced it easier said than done.

[Medievalist]

I think som1s bin watching a bit too bollywood. **roll eyes**

[sadaf29]

force marriages only happen in bollywood films do they??

[Awaaz]

I have a question:

Intentions are what matter the most. So if any one is forced to marry, though he/she has no intentions or desire for the other and he/she just marrys cuz forced, will the marriage be considered or not?

[Fairy]

I have a friend, who had a forced marriage, not it wasnt like how you think. Her mother expected her to marry this guy and she did resist but her mother thought she had chosen a good person for her. Anyways she married him and got divorced a month later. So who is in the wrong? The mother just wanted the best for her daughter and the daughter did not feel anything for this guy. She went in the marriage not wanting it but tried to make it work I guess. It is all just really :torture:

[Bero Blue]

SALAM ALYKUM

thanks for your replies

as for now i still think over this book , should it be about arranged and divorced maeeiges as a topic to discuse such a matter , which takes studies and long time, or shal I start writing my story as novel then discuse such thinsgs in my next book ?

I already started the introduction (first page ) and 8 pages of the begining ..

wish me luck ..
you all know how presiouse your prayers would be ..
thanks all

Mr.PiElle2.. you can't ever imagine such a pain , no one actuly would feel this pain for sure unless he/she went through such situation . which I hope no any of my Bro/Sis in Islam would ever try or taste.

Dear sis. sadaf29.. that is true ! police usually can't help and interfere in families probloms, its hard to deal with it ..
but i think , every one have his/her own right to live under islamic Law with the way he can handle it , why should any one get forced for somthing h don't want?
I am living in another situation now , same thing is happining now with my own Brother , after arranged marrige , not satisfied since beginig only going as GRANDmother wish , now although he have a new born baby he is thinking of divorce !!

i hope you can share more of your stories which can help me in my book , thanks again.


Mr.Medievalist , maby some one can tell me which channel he is watching so he can intrduce me to these Bollywood movies and storis cause i a'nt a fan of such Movies !
if you think my story can be in a movie , will all of us have his own tragidic and drama in life cause ALLAH SW said (لقد خلقنا الإنسان في كبد )
its only we can keep patience and pray .
thanks for passing and your comment.

Mr.Awaaz.. actully such things as weddings are a blessed boned can't be played with.
about Nyah , ofcourse it dependes , but how exactly it goes in Forced Marrige..let me explain :
It is forced untill the Bride/Groom accept to sign the Nikah AQD .. after that how can it be forced ? they are adults and they can make there own desicion for such great choice before signing!? this is my opinion .
but its better to ask a Shaikh regarding such Big matters cause Nikah and Divorce are unplayed Issues !
Thanks for your Reply.

Dear Sis .Fairy.. it is really Pain in the Back ! I feel so sorry for such stories.
infact maby if each one respect his own decision in such issues i think marrige could work ! depend on Sercomenstances of course.
thanks for sharing.


Jazakum Allah ..

Your sister,
Bero

[Bero Blue]

Salam alykum

Dear Brothers and sisters in Islam,

Any Indian Bro/Sis. can help me in answering some quistions ? thank you