hurtful comment to your wife

[imeg.org]

As Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb

this question is to all the brothers and sisters and this might seem very silly or small, but it is really important to someone i know, so please help without changing the subject. :o

if your wife ask you to tell me what my hairs look like and she is looking honest opinion from you and not just any opinion, cause her friend is getting married and she want to look nice. so lets were telling her, that her hairs dont look nice and you were using different words like, i dont think its curly or stright engouh.. but she was arguing and saying no it is.. and you just make comment of "your hairs look like you just woke up"... do you think is it really harsh to say it? or is it not harsh and normal and honest answer so she can fixes it, before she goes to the wedding.

i know this is really small thing, but it matters, so please..


Wa Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb
Abdul Basit

[Unique1]

As Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb

this question is to all the brothers and sisters and this might seem very silly or small, but it is really important to someone i know, so please help without changing the subject. :o

if your wife ask you to tell me what my hairs look like and she is looking honest opinion from you and not just any opinion, cause her friend is getting married and she want to look nice. so lets were telling her, that her hairs dont look nice and you were using different words like, i dont think its curly or stright engouh.. but she was arguing and saying no it is.. and you just make comment of "your hairs look like you just woke up"... do you think is it really harsh to say it? or is it not harsh and normal and honest answer so she can fixes it, before she goes to the wedding.

i know this is really small thing, but it matters, so please..


Wa Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb
Abdul Basit

u didnt say that to ur wife did u?:rolleyes:
shouldn't she be wearing a hijab anyway?

[Phoenix CG]

if a woman asks you, do i look fat, always say no. :p (even if they do look fat :p )

Goes for this too, i'd say.

[insomniac]

u didnt say that to ur wife did u?:rolleyes:
shouldn't she be wearing a hijab anyway?

lol well if it's in front of the husband, then no


some truths are best left unsaid especially based on appearance when coming from a husband/wife - subtlety or finding a good time to point out something you don't like is always better

[ibn Iyaaz]

It depends was she going for the out of bed look maybe?
I hear its the in thing at the moment apparently :hidban: :outta:

[imeg.org]

some truths are best left unsaid especially based on appearance when coming from a husband/wife - subtlety or finding a good time to point out something you don't like is always better

even if its from honest opinion to help her to get ready for big thing or seomthign? would'nt it will hurt her more, if she went like that outside and everyone is telling her hairs look bad and she could fixed it before, but her hubby was not telling her, cause she would get upset if he did said to her..

still no?

[Unique1]

lol well if it's in front of the husband, then no


some truths are best left unsaid especially based on appearance when coming from a husband/wife - subtlety or finding a good time to point out something you don't like is always better

but she was going to a wedding y do u need good hair if ur going to wear hijab?

[insomniac]

even if its from honest opinion to help her to get ready for big thing or seomthign? would'nt it will hurt her more, if she went like that outside and everyone is telling her hairs look bad and she could fixed it before, but her hubby was not telling her, cause she would get upset if he did said to her..

still no?

if she's going out in front of non mahram without hijaab then he should be brutally honest.

if this isn't the case and she is going to be removing hijaab in front of other ladies and she is happy with the way she looks and you personally don't like it yet she does, then be happy for her sake insha'Allaah, however as a husband you can express your wishes as to how you would want her to look without being overbearing insha'Allaah

[imeg.org]

but she was going to a wedding y do u need good hair if ur going to wear hijab?

wedding area for sisters only.. you know...

[Souljette001]

I'd say tell her the truth,
if her hair looks bad tell her
before she regrets it
she asked for the oppinion,
so your supposed to give an honest oppinion

[Souljette001]

even if its from honest opinion to help her to get ready for big thing or seomthign? would'nt it will hurt her more, if she went like that outside and everyone is telling her hairs look bad and she could fixed it before, but her hubby was not telling her, cause she would get upset if he did said to her..

still no?

nope tell her if she asked you she obviously wants an honest answer, the truth might hurt but its better then her going out and embarasing her self isnt it?

[Unique1]

wedding area for sisters only.. you know...

ok.I think it probably was abit harsh coz she was expecting a complement so it probably hurt her.Obvious solution is a little sorry:)

[imeg.org]

ok.I think it probably was abit harsh coz she was expecting a complement so it probably hurt her.Obvious solution is a little sorry:)

well what you would expect your hubby to say to you, if you needed opinion from him? :o it always better to put yourself in and then might get better answers or solutions.. if that was hurtful. but to me i still dont get it, why is it hurtful, cause its only to help her not to hurt her.. so she can look more pretty for the wedding, cause it matters to her..

[Unique1]

well what you would expect your hubby to say to you, if you needed opinion from him? :o it always better to put yourself in and then might get better answers or solutions.. if that was hurtful. but to me i still dont get it, why is it hurtful, cause its only to help her not to hurt her.. so she can look more pretty for the wedding, cause it matters to her..

yes i can understand u were helping her but she was expecting a positive comment its not u were wrong but she was probably convinced that u were going to say summat nice.If i was married and i asked my husband that question the minimum id want is a neutral answer.if shes not hurt thats fine but if she is then just say sorry:)

[~Warda~]

I dont think its HURTFUL. I mean she asked for ur honest opinion, u gave it, khalas.
But did u honestly think her hair looked like shed just gotten out of bed?? Maybe it wasnt THAT bad...and she'd probably put so much effort in doing her hair...so u coulda been a lil more sensitive.

[Omar Mukhtar]

Tell her to look in mirror, check it herself.

[umee]

Honestly is always the best soultion, so i would definately want to know the truth.
My husband always tells me hes opinion whether it be good or bad and thats why i ask him cause i know i will always get the truth from him and i dont get offended at all whats the point in asking in the first place if all you want is someone to agree with you.

[bint]

Tell her to look in mirror, check it herself.
lol thats the way to go huh? :p

[imeg.org]

Honestly is always the best soultion, so i would definately want to know the truth.
My husband always tells me hes opinion whether it be good or bad and thats why i ask him cause i know i will always get the truth from him and i dont get offended at all whats the point in asking in the first place if all you want is someone to agree with you.

i agree too.. if person is lieing and telling her she is not fat, even if she is..

how can you trust the person?
if you just want a person to say what you like and not be honest of his opinion.. then his opinion would not matter, cause he always giving you want you want to hear and not what is truth.

[Medievalist]

ladies get upset over weird things. you just say when she's in a good moment that if I've upset you or been harsh then forgive me. butter em up kinda thing.

[bint]

be gentle and be truthful. but not in a harsh way. You gotta have a way with words. not just be useless either.

[imeg.org]

be gentle and be truthful. but not in a harsh way. You gotta have a way with words. not just be useless either.

which words would you recommand to be used?

[MalikOne™]

why'd she be so insecure that a comment like tht wud hurt her? especially comin frm her husband :scratch:

[imeg.org]

why'd she be so insecure that a comment like tht wud hurt her? especially comin frm her husband :scratch:

me too on :scratch:

[MalikOne™]

me too on :scratch:

she mite be 1 of them women that are jus really conscious about thier appearence or mayb cos thier newly married? or dnt kno each other tht well tht she took it to heart

nx time jus tell her she shud have her hair however she thinks it luks good

[`asiya]

As Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb

this question is to all the brothers and sisters and this might seem very silly or small, but it is really important to someone i know, so please help without changing the subject. :o

if your wife ask you to tell me what my hairs look like and she is looking honest opinion from you and not just any opinion, cause her friend is getting married and she want to look nice. so lets were telling her, that her hairs dont look nice and you were using different words like, i dont think its curly or stright engouh.. but she was arguing and saying no it is.. and you just make comment of "your hairs look like you just woke up"... do you think is it really harsh to say it? or is it not harsh and normal and honest answer so she can fixes it, before she goes to the wedding.

i know this is really small thing, but it matters, so please..


Wa Salaamu Wa Alaikum wr wb
Abdul Basit

:wswrwb: well ... u know there are only 3 cases where lying is permissible dont u... and to save the heart of a woman is one of them... if shes done her hair and she feels it looks nice then shes probably not really asking for your opinion .. but just your reassurance maybe ... u know like "ta daa how do i look" and ur reply is "beautiful"

i agree too.. if person is lieing and telling her she is not fat, even if she is..

how can you trust the person?
if you just want a person to say what you like and not be honest of his opinion.. then his opinion would not matter, cause he always giving you want you want to hear and not what is truth.

if she is fat and she says am i fat.. u say " you look beautiful to me " see again the lying is permissible...its not really lying its just being kind to save the heart of a woman.. then later on.. like a few days later .. u could say i was thinking we might get a cross trainer cos im putting on a few pounds ..( then she can use it too...) just have to be tactful with a woman and be gentle on her insha Allah like the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said women were created from a curved rib, and if u try to straighten them it will break .. so just be easy on the women, Allah made them with soft hearts and emotions alhamdulillah, if they didnt have that they couldnt be taking all the stuff they have to deal with in life its their softness and forgiving nature that means u better treat them like glass vessels as the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said :up: and its not a matter of "how can she trust me if im not honest" because she can trust u not to hurt her, and thats all a woman wants from her husband to feel safe with him.

( talking about beleiving women who fear Allah ta ala here ^ cos obviously some women ... well ... )

[perfectpearl]

if a woman asks you, do i look fat, always say no. :p (even if they do look fat :p )

Goes for this too, i'd say.

I agree 100% .. women dont want hurtful truth..

If you really dont like it, tell her that you look good, but you look better in (whatever kind of hair)

[LastFriday]

just be honest. If it sucks, it sucks! They should care for you more that your being honest to them!

[Um_yusuf]

Well as a woman , i'd much rather my hubby tell me in the privacy of our home , rather than go out and be the laughing stock.:o

[Supernova Nebula]

just be honest. If it sucks, it sucks! They should care for you more that your being honest to them!

can you guarantee that you can also take hurtful truth comment? what if your wife says to you "yorue a useless husband"?" Prophet SAW was very diplomatic to his wife, check if this narration is authentic, one day He SAW was called by Aisha RA for a meal. He came and ate but found that the food prepared by Aisha was salty, instead of telling her directly he SAW asked Aisha ra to come sit with him and asked her nicely to eat the food, then Aisha also found the food she made was salty so she improved it. :)

Its your wife who sacrifices her life for you, cooks and cleans for you bears your children for 9 months! can't you at least be gentle and nice to her? she's not your subordinate or slave for God's sake!

[LastFriday]

can you guarantee that you can also take hurtful truth comment? what if your wife says to you "yorue a useless husband"?" Prophet SAW was very diplomatic to his wife, check if this narration is authentic, one day He SAW was called by Aisha RA for a meal. He came and ate but found that the food prepared by Aisha was salty, instead of telling her directly he SAW asked Aisha ra to come sit with him and asked her nicely to eat the food, then Aisha also found the food she made was salty so she improved it. :)

Its your wife who sacrifices her life for you, cooks and cleans for you bears your children for 9 months! can't you at least be gentle and nice to her? she's not your subordinate or slave for God's sake!

Way to compare two topics on totally different dimensions!
Something as minuscule as her HAIR to a persons complete character? The Prophet (pbuh) used a great example. He didn't DIRECTLY Say it. Maybe I should have been more clearly. Instead of bluntly saying it, he could still say the truth but without having to lie and saying NO your "unattractive" hair style is beautiful. Instead he could say, "hrmm, I like your older hair style the best, the one from our wedding day" Could be nicer. If my wife said you are USELESS, that would be pretty harsh and I would be pretty UPSET. If my wife said you are getting FAT, I would say :jkk: for telling me honey I will work on it.

[`asiya]

Way to compare two topics on totally different dimensions!
Something as minuscule as her HAIR to a persons complete character? The Prophet (pbuh) used a great example. He didn't DIRECTLY Say it. Maybe I should have been more clearly. Instead of bluntly saying it, he could still say the truth but without having to lie and saying NO your "unattractive" hair style is beautiful. Instead he could say, "hrmm, I like your older hair style the best, the one from our wedding day" Could be nicer. If my wife said you are USELESS, that would be pretty harsh and I would be pretty UPSET. If my wife said you are getting FAT, I would say :jkk: for telling me honey I will work on it.

yes but ur a bloke eh..if shes just done her hair,and is ready to go out, u think shes got time to go back upstairs and redo it all like it was on her wedding day ( that took 2 hours and a professional hairdresser ) women know better about women, so take some tips from ur sisters insha Allah :up:

[scribble]

Well men should be more caring!

Like sis Asiya said, you don't just go and spoil her mood and make her feel upset and ugly, she's meant to be beautiful in your eyes.. always. It's horrible and heartbreaking and ugh!

:(

If she's wearing something hideous though, maybe advice her rather than being harsh. I mean, I'd be devastated if it happened to me.

[Supernova Nebula]

Way to compare two topics on totally different dimensions!
Something as minuscule as her HAIR to a persons complete character? The Prophet (pbuh) used a great example. He didn't DIRECTLY Say it. Maybe I should have been more clearly. Instead of bluntly saying it, he could still say the truth but without having to lie and saying NO your "unattractive" hair style is beautiful. Instead he could say, "hrmm, I like your older hair style the best, the one from our wedding day" Could be nicer. If my wife said you are USELESS, that would be pretty harsh and I would be pretty UPSET. If my wife said you are getting FAT, I would say :jkk: for telling me honey I will work on it.

good to hear then