Wud u marry a scholar?

[ILovepink]

B4 u gt all hyped n suprised, let me give u sum more details. U cum from a very religious bkground both parents r teachers of islam n they want to marry u off to a very religous person. U dnt mind cuz u know u gonna be in gud hands. The man is a scholar. U urself r religous 2 n wear jilbab n niqaab etc. The scholar is prepared to marry u n take care of u, only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

Wud u marry him??

Dere's really no gud reason 4 u nt 2? n u might regret it if u refuse, beside wen God asks u what was de reason u refused u aint gt a gud reason neither.

[Medievalist]

She should make istikhaarah and consider the issue. There are undoubtedly pros and cons - she needs to weigh up the factors.

[ILovepink]

There are undoubtedly pros and cons - she needs to weigh up the factors.

and these are?
btw Istikhara is done but still no clear answer

[Medievalist]

Pros:

he's mashaALLAH religious
he'll be able to teach her
he'll know how to manage a household (Im assuming that the Alim has another wife or that he was previously married)
he'll have a stable income
he'll be a good father
he'll be able to provide for her.
he'll be compatible with her family

cons:
age gap might make relating to each other difficult
she might not find him attractive

etc


Overall - depends on exactly what the man is like. Put it like this - I've got a mate who's really really top, same age as me and he is Sayyid. I wish I had a sister that I could give to him but I dont, so I think sometimes that if ALLAH gives me a daughter and she agrees, I'd give her in nikah to him. Why? Because he really is a Diamond. mashaALLAH. point being depends on the individual.

[dudette]

salam ukhti,

first thing that came to my mind is 'don't live for the dunya', now what i mean by that is mashAllah this is a great opportunity, one should never turn down a person of good imanm it is level of deen that we look for first and foremost then other things such as status, wealth and so on.
how old are you sister? if there is a huge gap then i may understand where you are coming from. and as Med. suggested pray istikhara inshaAllah and whatever is deemed to happen will inshaAllah.

wa Allahu a3lam

[`asiya]

B4 u gt all hyped n suprised, let me give u sum more details. U cum from a very religious bkground both parents r teachers of islam n they want to marry u off to a very religous person. U dnt mind cuz u know u gonna be in gud hands. The man is a scholar. U urself r religous 2 n wear jilbab n niqaab etc. The scholar is prepared to marry u n take care of u, only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

Wud u marry him??

Dere's really no gud reason 4 u nt 2? n u might regret it if u refuse, beside wen God asks u what was de reason u refused u aint gt a gud reason neither.

all depends whether u like him or not and get along with him well and he understands your youth just as Muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam understood about this with his younger wives and he had so much patience and kindness towards them :) age is just a number. i wouldnt have a problem marrying a man twice my age if he was good for me, and im in my 30`s so he would likely be a lot older and closer to death maybe wa Allahu alam but the way i see it is that its better to have a good husband for part of your life than to have a bad husband for the majority of it.

[muslimma]

interesting question sis....hmmmm ...:scratch:

[Unique1]

B4 u gt all hyped n suprised, let me give u sum more details. U cum from a very religious bkground both parents r teachers of islam n they want to marry u off to a very religous person. U dnt mind cuz u know u gonna be in gud hands. The man is a scholar. U urself r religous 2 n wear jilbab n niqaab etc. The scholar is prepared to marry u n take care of u, only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

Wud u marry him??

Dere's really no gud reason 4 u nt 2? n u might regret it if u refuse, beside wen God asks u what was de reason u refused u aint gt a gud reason neither.

Depends upon how you think.If attraction is important to you then maybe its best not to marry someone so much older.It would also depend on the mood of that 43 yr old coz he maybe abit too mature
If you feel you can love someone only for the sake of Allah then ders nothing wrong with it.
Allah knows best

[trax]

All good advices from other people but before thinking about islamic side you have to think about yourself.
1) Does he come from back home and want to marry here for getting stay here.?
2) If he is from back home and above 40 then he must be married before and his wife and children must be back home.
3)where from he got scholarship?
I know one scholar tried to marry from one family and then accidently girl 's father found that he is already wife and children.
Some People cheating on the name of Islam.:torture:

[MMS]

yes :o

[turquoise]

Salaam,

I myself most likely wouldn't marry someone old enough to be my father, for the same reasons I probably wouldn't marry someone young enough to be my son. But that's an individual preference, and your mileage may vary. :)

How wealthy is he? I don't mean that you should marry for money, but if your plan is for him to have kids well into his fifties or maybe sixties, it does matter. Will he be able to provide for the full education of a child born 10-15 years from now? If he's not alive then, will he have enough saved? This is pretty common where I live, and I've seen too many old men marry women half their age or less without a thought to how they're going to support the resulting children when they themselves are too elderly to work. The end result is that the oldest children have to put their own lives (and marriages) on hold to support their mother and finish raising their younger siblings. It's a big sacrifice to make for their parents' poor planning, and imho, that's a situation that's best avoided.

I'd also be kind of skeptical of the motivations for someone in this day and age wanting a wife so much younger than himself. I'm not sure what country you're in, but there's typically no shortage of single/divorced/widowed women closer to his own age. Assuming his reasons for wanting a much younger wife are dunya-based, why would there be anything wrong with refusing for dunya reasons?

I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who only married me because he couldn't think of a 'good enough' reason to say no. I mean, this is potentially the rest of your life you're talking about... is 'good enough' really good enough?

[Hiking]

I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who only married me because he couldn't think of a 'good enough' reason to say no. I mean, this is potentially the rest of your life you're talking about... is 'good enough' really good enough?

I agree with that.

If you feel that you have the strength to overlook the age gap and can have a real liking for this person/will feel comfortable then go for it. I personally wouldn't want to marry with quite such a large age gap as I've seen first hand what it can do to a family but obviously every marriage is different

[ILovepink]

Shukran. He has many gud qualities i cnt deny that.

he's a respected student of islam. my father is sheikh too but he looks up to him. he's also the imaam of my local mosque, and is involved in dacwa projects all over the uk. the youth love him and attend all his lectures. I wudnt say his appearance bothers me bt every1 gt prefrences rite? He's got 3wifes so far not sure how many childeren tho. That dont matter to me either, he's got the full right. He's a doctor of medicine bt doesnt practice it in order to teach islam, and spends most of his time teachin others. My whole family r ova the moon, n every1 says ive im sow lucky. i dnt know whether i cn face the huge disspointment i will cause if godforbid i happen not like him enuf for marriage purpose. Bt i go to his lectures frequently n i really enjoy the way he presents islam, he's very funny too.

only thing that bothers me is his age. he's 23 yrs older. I feel vry wrong if thats the only reason for my refusal. I havent met him yet, but my parents know of the proposal. eek!

rabiiqfirlii

[Medievalist]

If he has a good reputation and is a sound aalim. I dont see why you should say no.

[ILovepink]

If he has a good reputation and is a sound aalim. I dont see why you should say no.

so an age gap wudnt bother u?

[Medievalist]

so an age gap wudnt bother u?

me personally it would. meaning I couldnt see myself marrying lady who is 20 years older than me, but could see myself marrying a lady younger (not at this moment in time but later on)

But on same note I've seen a number of marriages where theres a significant age gap and it worked. mashaALLAH. - one of my Chachis, her dad is 32 years older than her mother and they got 7 kids mashaALLAH. thats the biggest age gap that I personally know

erm . . I dunno if you read my post above about my friend whos a sayyid and how I wouldnt mind having a daughter in his nikah?

but yeh - age gap is only as major as the people involved. if its HUGE thing for you, then even 10 years might be too much. If its not a big issue, then thats your look out.

At the end - its your decision.

One thing you might wanna consider is how old Mawlanas sons are. If you marry him and your stepsons are same age as you then you might wanna find out how you are expected to interact with them. Will they be living in same house etc? These things need to be considered.

My oldest khala is a 3rd wife and her oldest step son is older than her by a couple of years. They kept away from each other a lot. ya get ma drift.

[`asiya]

so an age gap wudnt bother u?

age is just a number..means nothing. he sounds good from what u have said masha Allah, if u like him then marry him khalass, numbers dont come into it

[Ebony]

If having a close age gap is a preference for you in terms of a potential spouse, then you are entitled to that preference. However you can't always get what you want, so you need to bear that in mind.

Keeping the above in thought, if you can get over the age gap and beleiev you can work your way around it by accepting it, then perhaps this proposal is for you. However if you can't agree with the large age gap and it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you are also entitled to not accept the propsal. up to you

[extempers]

Shukran. He has many gud qualities i cnt deny that.

he's a respected student of islam. my father is sheikh too but he looks up to him. he's also the imaam of my local mosque, and is involved in dacwa projects all over the uk. the youth love him and attend all his lectures. I wudnt say his appearance bothers me bt every1 gt prefrences rite? He's got 3wifes so far not sure how many childeren tho. That dont matter to me either, he's got the full right. He's a doctor of medicine bt doesnt practice it in order to teach islam, and spends most of his time teachin others. My whole family r ova the moon, n every1 says ive im sow lucky. i dnt know whether i cn face the huge disspointment i will cause if godforbid i happen not like him enuf for marriage purpose. Bt i go to his lectures frequently n i really enjoy the way he presents islam, he's very funny too.

only thing that bothers me is his age. he's 23 yrs older. I feel vry wrong if thats the only reason for my refusal. I havent met him yet, but my parents know of the proposal. eek!

rabiiqfirlii

Bismillah,

Masha'Allah for you to be taking this proposal so seriously.

In my opinion, I believe you should marry for the sake of Allah and for yourself, not for your parents or satisfying the needs of everyone.

If you think you will become a better Muslim in every aspect (not just learning, but applying and having a happy marriage) then ok.

If you think you might learn some things, but you might be unhappy in your marriage and therefore this will affect your deen, then don't go through with it.

Measure both together. Understand just because someone is an alim, doesn't mean your life will become more religious.

Shaykh Yasir Qadhi said:
Knowledge is only a means not the end.


Insha'Allah you make the right decision.

[dudette]

mashaAllah sister if you can put aside the fact that he already has three wives and children then age really isnt a problem in my view, id find it easier to marry someone older than marry someone already married...and mashaAllah he sounds like a great brother...may Allah make the decision easier for you...

[$HugoBoss$]

No.

[ugh]

he already has three wives with children, is trained in the medical profession but doesn't work in it, how is he supporting them?

[DALEHYR]

Why not? If he is sincere then thats good Alhamdulilah. It is however up to you, and your decision. :)

[Enigma Dreamer]

He has three wives, so are you sure he can take care of all of you very well? Is he taking care of the other three well? I have seen many husbands and the only thing they seems to care is having more wives without really pondering about the great responsibilty involved; they don't even take care of their children, the children hardly have Islamic taribia, sometimes they have not got enough provisions but still want to marry another one. So think of it sister. Don't be carried away just because he is a scholar. While that is good, many people don't follow the rlelgion very well.

[Enigma Dreamer]

he already has three wives with children, is trained in the medical profession but doesn't work in it, how is he supporting them?
Good question.

[Eemaan]

you need to ask yourself the following questions:

1) can you be co wife to three other women?

2) can you live with out his constant attention, reassurance and presence?

3) can you discard the western mentality of how a husband should look and conduct himself

4) Can you accept that him being 23 years older than you will inevitably and often make it very difficult for him to empathise with you?

5) have you done istikara? see no one can argue with that as your family seem very practicing mashallah.

the guy seems very holy moly and this should be your no.1 priority.
can i ask what country your from?

[MMS]

mature cheddar is good :o

[Eemaan]

mature cheddar is good :o

shurrup :smack: your so embarrassing. im going to get you some

[MMS]

shurrup :smack: your so embarrassing. im going to get you some

oh but is he really co-wifing i didn't read that in her post :scratch: then i wouldn't marry him :nono:

[Eemaan]

oh but is he really co-wifing i didn't read that in her post :scratch: then i wouldn't marry him :nono:

i dunno, i didnt read that part either. i have selective reading skills.

[`asiya]

oh but is he really co-wifing i didn't read that in her post :scratch: then i wouldn't marry him :nono:

the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of you truely believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself " and that goes for the sisters too, if hes good enough to be your husband then hes good enough for your sisters in islam, and u should want them to have a share in the good that Allah ta ala has blessed you with.

he clearly must be a good husband insha Allah if he already has 3 wives.

[MMS]

he'd obviously love me more than the other 3 so like they would get jealous and stuff and then i would feel a bit sad for them so thats why i wouldn't, but nowt wrong with it :embar:

[Eemaan]

the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of you truely believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself " and that goes for the sisters too, if hes good enough to be your husband then hes good enough for your sisters in islam, and u should want them to have a share in the good that Allah ta ala has blessed you with.

he clearly must be a good husband insha Allah if he already has 3 wives.

your right asiya, but it takes a very high calibre of woman to take that on board. kudos and mashallah infinitely to those who do it :love: but for people like mms who cant see past their own existence its a :nono: you have to understand that such people exist :(

[`asiya]

he'd obviously love me more than the other 3 so like they would get jealous and stuff and then i would feel a bit sad for them so thats why i wouldn't, but nowt wrong with it :embar:

lol Allahu alam, but see none of you would really know which one he loved more because he would treat u all beautifully and equally regardless ..;)

[MMS]

he'd want to spend all his time with me so like its going to be tooo hard for him to be just so thats why i wouldn't co-wife :o coz i don't want him to be raised on day of judgment with one side hanging ya know

[Medievalist]

:rotfl:

You gyals should do comedy sketch on Britains Got Talent :up:

[Tahiyah]

you have to do salat istikhara more than once

[RazielTemp]

B4 u gt all hyped n suprised, let me give u sum more details. U cum from a very religious bkground both parents r teachers of islam n they want to marry u off to a very religous person. U dnt mind cuz u know u gonna be in gud hands. The man is a scholar. U urself r religous 2 n wear jilbab n niqaab etc. The scholar is prepared to marry u n take care of u, only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

Wud u marry him??

Dere's really no gud reason 4 u nt 2? n u might regret it if u refuse, beside wen God asks u what was de reason u refused u aint gt a gud reason neither.

If I recall correctly Khadija (ra) was over 20 Years older than Muhammad :saw:, yet he never Objected based on age ...

:jkk:

[Islamiyyah]

Three wives? Hmm... I would defo not do it. But thats just me.

[miss-islamic]

Why doesn’t he marry a divorcee or widow instead of a young teenager? So typical. I find nothing religious about hoarding 3 young virgin women (while you are an oldie yourself too), as you can imagine. :vomit: The aim when it comes to marriage is to find someone you will be compatible with. Ageis a big part of that (esp. in this day and age). Later.

[RazielTemp]

Why doesn’t he marry a divorcee or widow instead of a young teenager? So typical. I find nothing religious about hoarding 3 young virgin women (while you are an oldie yourself too), as you can imagine. :vomit: The aim when it comes to marriage is to find someone you will be compatible with. Ageis a big part of that (esp. in this day and age). Later.

I'm sorry to say Ukthi, this is Totally inappropriate, Rasulullah :saw: was Compatible with Khadija(ra) who was Much Older than him,

are you going to say the same thing about her?

Nauzubillah,

If the Brother is treating his Wives with equity as the Furqan describes, he can marry 4 young virgin or non-Virgin Chaste/Muslima's, ie. Divorcees, your Objection is therefore un-islamic.

The Laws prescribed in the Furqan and the Sunnah are till Yamul-Qiyamah, and a Muslim brother can marry a Non-Mehrem Muslimah wether Older or Younger, Virgin or a Non-Virgin, as long as they are Chaste.

when Allah Ta'ala has permitted him to marry young women, you cannot accuse him of "Hoarding" , just because he is marrying women much younger than him,

I hope the sisters refrain from such silly statements in the future.

:jkk:

[perfectpearl]

If i find him attractive at that age. Mashaa Allah his a scholar and everything but attraction is important.

[miss-islamic]

I'm sorry to say Ukthi, this is Totally inappropriate, Rasulullah :saw: was Compatible with Khadija(ra) who was Much Older than him,

are you going to say the same thing about her?

Nauzubillah,

If the Brother is treating his Wives with equity as the Furqan describes, he can marry 4 young virgin or non-Virgin Chaste/Muslima's, ie. Divorcees, your Objection is therefore un-islamic.

The Laws prescribed in the Furqan and the Sunnah are till Yamul-Qiyamah, and a Muslim brother can marry a Non-Mehrem Muslimah wether Older or Younger, Virgin or a Non-Virgin, as long as they are Chaste.

when Allah Ta'ala has permitted him to marry young women, you cannot accuse him of "Hoarding" , just because he is marrying women much younger than him,

I hope the sisters refrain from such silly statements in the future.

:jkk:

Allah has mad many thing halal, it doesn’t mean doing ir or whenever you do it, it is a good thing. In this case, there are thousands of widow/divorcees and older women out there in our community, why don’t these men who want multiple wives marry them? Why only young girls when they themselves are very old? And then to top it off, Muslims have the nerve to talk about the poor widows and divorcee who are protected with the practice of polygamy. This may have been true in the prophet’s time, it’s N.O.T. nowadays. The men don’t want to walk the talk, as per usual….:rolleyes:

[RazielTemp]

Allah has mad many thing halal, it doesn’t mean doing ir or whenever you do it, it is a good thing. In this case, there are thousands of widow/divorcees and older women out there in our community, why don’t these men who want multiple wives marry them? Why only young girls when they themselves are very old? And then to top it off, Muslims have the nerve to talk about the poor widows and divorcee who are protected with the practice of polygamy. This may have been true in the prophet’s time, it’s N.O.T. nowadays. The men don’t want to walk the talk, as per usual….:rolleyes:

All Things Hala are Good, All things Haram are Bad,

you cannot accuse somone for doing something Halal, doing so is Haram, in like manner you could not accuse Khadija(ra) for Marrying Muhammad :saw: who was Much Younger.

what was Correct at the ime of the Prophet :saw: is correct Nowadays too, the Shariah Laws he brought are till Judgement day, not temporary Laws, therefore your statement is grossly incorrect.

The above post shows your View thats all, but to accuse a Scholar because he decided to marry a Young Virgin,

:jkk:

[turquoise]

Salaam sister 'asiya,

the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of you truely believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself " and that goes for the sisters too, if hes good enough to be your husband then hes good enough for your sisters in islam, and u should want them to have a share in the good that Allah ta ala has blessed you with.

I don't think that logic makes sense. Since that hadith is phrased in the masculine, I don't see how it would extend to sharing spouses, unless it means men should share their wives with their single brothers in Islam.

I'm all for polygamy for those who want to practice it - just not sure that's the best evidence for it ;)

[`asiya]

Salaam sister 'asiya,



I don't think that logic makes sense. Since that hadith is phrased in the masculine, I don't see how it would extend to sharing spouses, unless it means men should share their wives with their single brothers in Islam.

I'm all for polygamy for those who want to practice it - just not sure that's the best evidence for it ;):wswrwb:

the evidence is not directly in relation to polygany but this hadith is applicable to everything in regards to the brotherhood of al islam, and for the love of each other that we have in al Islam, that extends to everything we have. how about when the migrants arrived in madinah and one of the sahabba said to abdul rahman ibn al `awf, here you can take half of my wealth and tell me which one of my wives u like i will divorce her and u can marry her..abdul-rahman ibn `awf said, he was not in need of that and said, Allah bless your family and money, Show me the way to the market. ( obviously his wife would have had to be in agreement to marry him) and yes we cant say this hadith prooves u can divorce ur wife and marry her off to someone else - but u see the point insha Allah have u ever heard of such generosity amongst the people of today.. ? that a man would say to his brother here have half of eveything i own.. there is so much beauty in this deen sister and it runs so deep masha Allah :)

[turquoise]

Salaam,



All Things Hala are Good, All things Haram are Bad,

you cannot accuse somone for doing something Halal, doing so is Haram, in like manner you could not accuse Khadija(ra) for Marrying Muhammad :saw: who was Much Younger.

No one's saying it's haram for anyone to marry whoever they want (up to four for a man), regardless of age. But "halal=good" is a big oversimplification. Situations where everyone does whatever the heck they want as long as it's technically halal, without actually using their brains to think about the consequences, tend not to end well. I can think of a few examples off the top of my head:

In a country where there's more men than women (as is the case in many parts of the world), or more or less equal numbers, is it still halal for those men who can afford it to each take four wives? Of course it is. Is it good for the society to have so many single men left over, with no women for them to marry? No, it is not. One could argue that it's selfish. China and India are both starting to see problems from that, not due to polygamy, but due to a strong cultural preference for male offspring, resulting in more men than women of marriagable age.

I've personally seen situations where a woman chose for her children to go without medicine they needed, because they couldn't afford it without her working cleaning houses or as a servant (the only thing she could be hired for, with no education), and that's '3ayb' (shameful) in her society. Obviously in a perfect world, that situation wouldn't exist, but it does, and her choices are: work, or her children suffer. She chooses to let her children suffer, because in Islam, she shouldn't have to work. Is it halal for her not to work? Yes. Is that a good choice for that situation? No.

Just because something is technically halal doesn't mean the motives for doing it are pure, and it doesn't mean it's beyond reproach. It certainly doesn't mean that it's haram to criticize someone's judgment in choosing to do it.

[`asiya]

prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " suspicion of a muslim is from shaitan" our prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam married women much younger than him.. subhanAllah who are we to decide what a mans intention is, there is nothing wrong with marrying a younger or older woman. in the west they have bizzare concepts about this, because of the perverse nature of many of their exploits .. now if a man is a man of knowledge and he sees a good woman that he would like to marry and she just happens to be much younger, then who are we to suspect him of ill thoughts and misconduct audu billah this is from shaitan.

in the west we have these bizzare ideas about men marrying much younger women = perverse. woman marrying much younger man = peverse, but as raziel said will any of us accuse khadijah of perversity ..? audu billah, and our prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam..? audu billah, we are muslims subhanAllah and we really have to take our minds out of the gutter of the western influences and back to al islam there is nothing wrong with a man marrying a younger woman, it is their buisness and not ours, and who of us will stand on the day of judgement before Allah ta ala and say "oh Allah but i felt i had the right to critise their choice of spouse" yet we stand here now before Allah ta ala saying the same things.

we just dont know who Allah created to be our spouses and whatever package they happen to come in, young or old, tall or short, rich or poor, black or white its just the way it was meant to be alhamdulillah.

[turquoise]

:wswrwb:

the evidence is not directly in relation to polygany but this hadith is applicable to everything in regards to the brotherhood of al islam, and for the love of each other that we have in al Islam, that extends to everything we have. how about when the migrants arrived in madinah and one of the sahabba said to abdul rahman ibn al `awf, here you can take half of my wealth and tell me which one of my wives u like i will divorce her and u can marry her..abdul-rahman ibn `awf said, he was not in need of that and said, Allah bless your family and money, Show me the way to the market. ( obviously his wife would have had to be in agreement to marry him) and yes we cant say this hadith prooves u can divorce ur wife and marry her off to someone else - but u see the point insha Allah have u ever heard of such generosity amongst the people of today.. ? that a man would say to his brother here have half of eveything i own.. there is so much beauty in this deen sister and it runs so deep masha Allah :)

Salaam,

You're absolutely right, I remembered that story right after I posted :) Subhanallah, it's certainly praiseworthy to do that (though I would hope the woman was consulted before being given away ;)). But is it blameworthy for a man not to offer his wife to a single man? I don't think so. I've seen far more posts criticizing women for not wanting to share their husbands than criticizing men for not wanting to share their wives - in fact, I don't think I've ever seen a polygamous brother criticized for that aspect of polygamy, even in situations where there are a shortage of women for marriage. I don't think that's a fair criticism from a religious standpoint - it's still halal - but from a practical standpoint, I can see how it would cause problems for some single brothers.

No one accused anyone of perversity. (At least, I didn't!) Regarding the age difference, of course it's only the business of the people concerned, but the point of the original post was asking for advice, opinions, and what other sisters would do in that situation. I just mentioned some practical consequences of having children with a much older man, and stated that 'dunya reasons' probably factored into his choice to propose to someone much younger. The point of that statement wasn't that there was anything wrong with that - there isn't. It was in response to someone criticizing the sister for considering 'dunya reasons' for refusal.

From ahadith, we know that the a woman's beauty (or lack thereof) was in many cases a factor in the prophet's (saws) decision to propose to her (or not). He (saws) was also known to consider family and tribal connections. I did not mean to imply that there's anything wrong with that. My point was that it's perfectly normal, even sunnah, for a man to consider dunya reasons in making a proposal, and likewise, there's nothing wrong with a woman considering them as well.

For purposes of marriage, it's not always a good idea to take someone at their word regarding their intentions. That's why it's recommended to do a 'background check', and find out as much as you can about them. You can meet a stranger on the street and marry them right then. It's halal. That does not mean it's a good idea in most situations.

I didn't mean to imply that anyone's intentions were bad. My point was that just because something is halal does not mean it's without negative consequences, and those should be considered before choosing to do it. That's true of any decision, whether it's marriage, working/not working, dealing with children, moving, etc. My concern here was the attitude "He isn't doing anything haram, so it's wrong to refuse him."

Sorry if I offended you :)

[RashidD]

Allah has mad many thing halal, it doesn’t mean doing ir or whenever you do it, it is a good thing. In this case, there are thousands of widow/divorcees and older women out there in our community, why don’t these men who want multiple wives marry them? Why only young girls when they themselves are very old? And then to top it off, Muslims have the nerve to talk about the poor widows and divorcee who are protected with the practice of polygamy. This may have been true in the prophet’s time, it’s N.O.T. nowadays. The men don’t want to walk the talk, as per usual….:rolleyes:

Why don't you marry a divorcee/ old/ infirm etc? Then you could be a young wife and help them out. How do you know what ages his other wives are? How do you know he proposed to her and not the other way around? It seems her family want her to marry him - unless i've missed something.

[`asiya]

Salaam,

You're absolutely right, I remembered that story right after I posted :) Subhanallah, it's certainly praiseworthy to do that (though I would hope the woman was consulted before being given away ;)). But is it blameworthy for a man not to offer his wife to a single man? I don't think so. I've seen far more posts criticizing women for not wanting to share their husbands than criticizing men for not wanting to share their wives - in fact, I don't think I've ever seen a polygamous brother criticized for that aspect of polygamy, even in situations where there are a shortage of women for marriage. I don't think that's a fair criticism from a religious standpoint - it's still halal - but from a practical standpoint, I can see how it would cause problems for some single brothers.

No one accused anyone of perversity. (At least, I didn't!) Regarding the age difference, of course it's only the business of the people concerned, but the point of the original post was asking for advice, opinions, and what other sisters would do in that situation. I just mentioned some practical consequences of having children with a much older man, and stated that 'dunya reasons' probably factored into his choice to propose to someone much younger. The point of that statement wasn't that there was anything wrong with that - there isn't. It was in response to someone criticizing the sister for considering 'dunya reasons' for refusal.

From ahadith, we know that the a woman's beauty (or lack thereof) was in many cases a factor in the prophet's (saws) decision to propose to her (or not). He (saws) was also known to consider family and tribal connections. I did not mean to imply that there's anything wrong with that. My point was that it's perfectly normal, even sunnah, for a man to consider dunya reasons in making a proposal, and likewise, there's nothing wrong with a woman considering them as well.

For purposes of marriage, it's not always a good idea to take someone at their word regarding their intentions. That's why it's recommended to do a 'background check', and find out as much as you can about them. You can meet a stranger on the street and marry them right then. It's halal. That does not mean it's a good idea in most situations.

I didn't mean to imply that anyone's intentions were bad. My point was that just because something is halal does not mean it's without negative consequences, and those should be considered before choosing to do it. That's true of any decision, whether it's marriage, working/not working, dealing with children, moving, etc. My concern here was the attitude "He isn't doing anything haram, so it's wrong to refuse him."

Sorry if I offended you :)
:wswrwb:

lol u didnt offend my sis :love: not at all, i was just expanding more on what u said, the reason why we remind women about polygany is it became like a dirty word and many women ( and some men) have a very strange attitude to it, but this is something normal for us as muslims, and we see how many women suffer today because of these attitudes, may Allah guide us to the way of the ummah of Muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam amin.

and ( lol no offence :o) but thats actually not true what is said about the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam marrying for this or that reason tribal connections, beauty etc. theres no daleel to support this though we do hear it said a lot,but we know for certain in the sahih hadith that the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said marry a woman for her deen, not her beauty or her wealth or her family lineage,and the reason why her beauty will fade, her wealth may cause a man to take advantage of her ( and he is the one Allah put in charge of being maintainer and protector of women and that is his duty and responsibility ) and her family may be disgraced and that would be the end of the "good connnections" so marry for the deen or u will be a looser.

remember when umm salama lost her husband, and then had a proposal from the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam and she said to him " ya rasoolAllah but i am advancing in age, i have young children and i am a very jelous woman" and he salAllahu alleyhi wa salam smiled and said" i too am suffering the same affliction as you ( advancing age) and your children are my children and i will pray to Allah to help u with your jelousy" subhanAllah

reason why men dont go round divorcing their wives and handing them over to brothers is that number one would be injust,& women are not possessions, they have minds and choices and will of their own, and in regards to the sahabbi in the hadith mentioned, it was just an example of his extreme love for his brother in al Islam he said that, and the ansar were a people know for their generosity masha Allah, and this was in the earlier stages of the message.

yes beauty there is, attraction is to be considered too in marriage but thats most often not down to looks at all, many people love their spouses for their islam, and this brother seems a good brother insha Allah ta ala wa Allahu alam, and he has probably seen what a beautiful sister she is from her heart, because its clear from what she mentioned here she is like that insha Allah ta ala, she just happens to also be youthful just as aisha and sofia also just happened to be youthful but majority of his wives salAllahu alleyhi wa salam were not.

anyway back to our sister in the original post... :up:

[PK Aali]

:salams

only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

No way. That's disgusting.

[`asiya]

:smack:

[scribble]

lol. Asiya! :p

Sorry, just found it funny....

*leaves thread*

[extempers]

If I recall correctly Khadija (ra) was over 20 Years older than Muhammad :saw:, yet he never Objected based on age ...

:jkk:

There are two authentic narrations that describe Khadija's (ra) age.

One is 27 (or something in high 20's I forgot) and the other is 40.

Because Khadijah (ra) had more kids (and even now having kids at 40 is difficult), 27 is considered the more correct belief in her age.

[ILovepink]

Yaaa Allaah. Im completely muddledd!! I have no issues wid any of the things mentioned by sum of u AT ALL. even if he was allowed more than 4, i dont mind, as im pleased with his taqwa and aqeedah. i thought and thought and thought and my pro's extremely outweigh the cons. :o done istikhara many times, it seems that Allah :Swt: wants me to think about it a little bit more

[ILovepink]

The only ting that bothers me at the mo, is that i know that i wud neva in a million years let go sum1 with as much understanding of the deen as him, if he was say a bit older than myself. im makin an issue out his age, and secretely hopin that sum1 wud give me daleel as to why i may refuse this wonderfull offer.

Rabbii ihdina siraadal mustaqiim

[Medievalist]

Perhaps the rishta is perfect for you and Shaytaan is messing with yer head?

If your mother isnt inclined either way, then ask her to do istikhaarah for you. If not, then ask a reliable alim to make istikhaarah for you.

[Um_yusuf]

:salams



No way. That's disgusting.


Salaam

So do you fine the marriage of our beloved Prophet PBUH to Aisha RA, disgusting aswell ...NAOUDHOBILLAH ASTAGHFIRULLAH!!:rolleyes:

[Um_yusuf]

The only ting that bothers me at the mo, is that i know that i wud neva in a million years let go sum1 with as much understanding of the deen as him, if he was say a bit older than myself. im makin an issue out his age, and secretely hopin that sum1 wud give me daleel as to why i may refuse this wonderfull offer.

Rabbii ihdina siraadal mustaqiim

Salaam dearest sister

All i want to say is, tht i have the utmost respect for you and i wish there more strong muslimahs like you

*hugs*

[ummbilal]

B4 u gt all hyped n suprised, let me give u sum more details. U cum from a very religious bkground both parents r teachers of islam n they want to marry u off to a very religous person. U dnt mind cuz u know u gonna be in gud hands. The man is a scholar. U urself r religous 2 n wear jilbab n niqaab etc. The scholar is prepared to marry u n take care of u, only he is 43 yrs old he can be ur father 4 gudness sake.

Wud u marry him??

Dere's really no gud reason 4 u nt 2? n u might regret it if u refuse, beside wen God asks u what was de reason u refused u aint gt a gud reason neither.

How old was the Prophet as saws when he married Aisha ra?
was it ever an issue for them?

answer...

no they loved one another

so pray istikarah and inshaallah the answer will be clear for u,

[Syed Shoaib]

istikhara is best...istikhara may not always be clear, it is a plea to be guided toward what is best, not necessarily a dream will occur.

it shouldnt be seen as "hes a scholar so he is good". remember one of the first to be thrown to jahannam is a scholar. in his private life only Allah knows if he implements his knowledge...this is where its important to have the families really know each other and know that that man is a pious man, if its just because "he is a scholar" then this is a marriage on status, not on piety. if it is known the man is a pious man, the fact he is a scholar is all the better for u inshaAllah

beyond this, if u feel its hard to be with a man that old and you wont be attracted then obviously it will be difficult, maybe there is a younger scholar whom you will be attracted to, or perhaps Allah has different plans. Allahu 'Alim. May Allah guide you towards what is best.

[turquoise]

Salaam,

The only ting that bothers me at the mo, is that i know that i wud neva in a million years let go sum1 with as much understanding of the deen as him, if he was say a bit older than myself. im makin an issue out his age, and secretely hopin that sum1 wud give me daleel as to why i may refuse this wonderfull offer.

Rabbii ihdina siraadal mustaqiim

That's your answer. You do not need daleel to refuse a marriage proposal, any more than a man needs daleel for declining to propose to someone. 'I don't want to' is a perfectly good reason to not marry someone.

[Syed Shoaib]

u must also ask yourself, what are his reasons for choosing you? is it your piety? or your youthfulness?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

I haven't read the whole thread.

if he earns his rizq by halal means and doesn't support his three wives and kids on handouts, thats really good Masha'allah.

I can understand your reasons for marrying him and they sounds like very noble reasons, but I don't understand his reasons for taking on a 4th wife half his age??

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Also there is no sin in refusing to marry anyone for no reason despite how good they are, because both men and women have absolute free choice in who they marry. As long as they abide by the rules Allah Ta'ala has laid down.

Secondly, people need to remember that Prophet (saw) marrying Sayeda Ayesha was not something he did out of his own preference becasue such actions of Prophet (saw) were divinely guided/inspired. So please don't make it out as if a teenage girl marying a man twice her age is some great act of Ibadah or emulation of Prophet (saw).. it is not, just as much as one marrying more than 4 at once and saying he's following the Sunnah.

[ILovepink]

salam Jzk

turquoise, i c what ur sayin, but can u c my point of view? why I wudn't want to lose a wonderfull oppurtunity like this? He's the imaam of my local mosque that i regularrly attend on a daily basis and he holds lectures everynite, ever since i was 15 i used to attend his lectures. I wud say he is a very pious man, he's respected in the muslim community, and highly regarded. From what i know he can support his 3 families. Why me?? havent gt a clue!:o and bein honest i really dnt care, if i were handed 1 million pounds out of nowhere i'd accept it, not say why me?? still bit muddled tho. If my benefit from this marriage is to gain deeper understandin of deen n strengthening my aqeedah, i wudnt think of it twice, and the way male relatives describe him, I have no objection against him. bt i secretely want to enjoy marriage too. nt that im sayin i wont, bt if I marry him, it wud be solely for the sake of Allah, which pleases me bt then id be too harsh on myself.

[Medievalist]

I can understand your reasons for marrying him and they sounds like very noble reasons, but I don't understand his reasons for taking on a 4th wife half his age??

do they need a reason? :scratch:

[Medievalist]

Secondly, people need to remember that Prophet (saw) marrying Sayeda Ayesha was not something he did out of his own preference becasue such actions of Prophet (saw) were divinely guided/inspired. So please don't make it out as if a teenage girl marying a man twice her age is some great act of Ibadah or emulation of Prophet (saw).. it is not, just as much as one marrying more than 4 at once and saying he's following the Sunnah.

but you cant compare "marrying" more than 4 times with marrying a younger lady. Ones halal and the others not.

[Reema]

No I wouldnt.

[sada]

assalam...ukhte,lots of akhes and ukhtes had tried to give u best advices as well as i read...i'd like to say u if u prefer to learn ur İslam so well and live of course,so the best way is getting married with a scholar,cos ur best scholar is your husband!but go on istisharah,istikharah and again istisharah...khayr inshAllah...wassalam...

[turquoise]

Salaam ILovepink,

Of course I understand your view, and if you actually wanted to marry the guy, then no one would be advising you not to. But from what you've posted, it seems like you might be pressured by everyone's expectations to accept the proposal regardless of your own happiness.

Why me?? havent gt a clue!:o and bein honest i really dnt care, if i were handed 1 million pounds out of nowhere i'd accept it, not say why me??

Maybe you (or your father) should ask him ;). However, you can't compare marriage to money falling down from the sky - it has far more strings attached, and that's the issue here.

bt i secretely want to enjoy marriage too. nt that im sayin i wont, bt if I marry him, it wud be solely for the sake of Allah, which pleases me bt then id be too harsh on myself.

Of course you want to enjoy marriage. Why the need for that to be a secret? That's the sort of thing that makes me worry you're being pressured too much. I wouldn't want to be married to someone for whom being my spouse was just an obligation to be fulfilled, and not something to be enjoyed. I doubt he would, either... though of course you'd have to discuss that with him. Since he has three other wives, it would probably be less of a problem for him than for you.

There are always other ways of gaining knowledge. But if your marriage isn't happy... there's really no other way to get the benefits of a happy marriage.

If you decide to consider the proposal, please think carefully about the points I made in my first post. It's great that he can support everyone now, but you could potentially still be having children 20 years from now. Those children won't be financially independent until he's in his eighties. If he's still alive then, odds are he won't be able to work the way he is now. He would have to have a huge amount of money saved to be able to fully support them, especially when he has so many dependents already. You really should get as much detail as possible about this point, because it would most likely end up being your problem.

Actually, assuming he doesn't have $1,000,000+ sitting in the bank... his likely inability to support as many children as you might like to have is a perfectly good reason for saying no.

[a mu-min]

The prophet(saw) cannot be compared to today's men, men who abandon their wives and children.

[extempers]

Bismillah,

I have a bias on this issue so keep in that mind ukhti.

But man...if you really have no issues with age and the other marriages, then you should marry him.

I don't know, no one on here is capable of giving you a proper answer. Talk to a learned Muslimah in your area and insha'Allah she can help you

[PK Aali]

Salaam

So do you fine the marriage of our beloved Prophet PBUH to Aisha RA, disgusting aswell ...NAOUDHOBILLAH ASTAGHFIRULLAH!!:rolleyes:

U cant compare that to this.

WOuld u let ur 9 years old daughter marry a 50 year old man? WELL?!

I THOUGHT NOT!

[Medievalist]

PK Aali you're annoying :torture:

[PK Aali]

Answer me though? u wudnt would u? u cant face the truth!!

n keep ur whips to urself

[Medievalist]

Answer me though? u wudnt would u? u cant face the truth!!

n keep ur whips to urself

I'd only answer if I thought there was any relevance to the question. In this there isnt. You've got some weird idea - I was just commenting that I find it annoying. :torture::torture::torture::torture: :D

[`asiya]

age makes no difference at all my step sister`s husband is 41 years older than her, and they are very happily married for 6 years now with two beautiful children masha Allah :up:

[PK Aali]

ooooooooooo....kkkkkkkkkkk........ :|

[ILovepink]

Salaam ILovepink,

Of course I understand your view, and if you actually wanted to marry the guy, then no one would be advising you not to. But from what you've posted, it seems like you might be pressured by everyone's expectations to accept the proposal regardless of your own happiness.



Maybe you (or your father) should ask him ;). However, you can't compare marriage to money falling down from the sky - it has far more strings attached, and that's the issue here.



Of course you want to enjoy marriage. Why the need for that to be a secret? That's the sort of thing that makes me worry you're being pressured too much. I wouldn't want to be married to someone for whom being my spouse was just an obligation to be fulfilled, and not something to be enjoyed. I doubt he would, either... though of course you'd have to discuss that with him. Since he has three other wives, it would probably be less of a problem for him than for you.

There are always other ways of gaining knowledge. But if your marriage isn't happy... there's really no other way to get the benefits of a happy marriage.

If you decide to consider the proposal, please think carefully about the points I made in my first post. It's great that he can support everyone now, but you could potentially still be having children 20 years from now. Those children won't be financially independent until he's in his eighties. If he's still alive then, odds are he won't be able to work the way he is now. He would have to have a huge amount of money saved to be able to fully support them, especially when he has so many dependents already. You really should get as much detail as possible about this point, because it would most likely end up being your problem.

Actually, assuming he doesn't have $1,000,000+ sitting in the bank... his likely inability to support as many children as you might like to have is a perfectly good reason for saying no.

thats nt really a valid excuse :o, sustainance comes from Allah SWT, and Allah alone. Ive been rich and poor, n i know that all u need is the basics insha Allah. But I do wnt my children to have both of their parents around when insha ALLAH it will be their big day once, and have both their mother and father to rely on for everything. again death is also in the hands of Allah, who says i wud live longer than him?? bt i do realise i gt 2 get much more info b4 makin a decision, is it fair to make him wait tho??

[PK Aali]

do u actually wanna marry him even tho he's old enuff to be ur father?!

[um_omar]

Also there is no sin in refusing to marry anyone for no reason despite how good they are, because both men and women have absolute free choice in who they marry. As long as they abide by the rules Allah Ta'ala has laid down.

Secondly, people need to remember that Prophet (saw) marrying Sayeda Ayesha was not something he did out of his own preference becasue such actions of Prophet (saw) were divinely guided/inspired. So please don't make it out as if a teenage girl marying a man twice her age is some great act of Ibadah or emulation of Prophet (saw).. it is not, just as much as one marrying more than 4 at once and saying he's following the Sunnah.

I totally agree with your point. Personally age will not matter to me if he is with deen BUT been a 4th wife will be an issue. It is halal to marry 4wives but also Allah gave us the choice to accept or not. If we look at the the marriages of prophet (saw), there were all for valid reasons and Sayeda Ayesha was the only young girl, and now subhan Allah we can see why, she lived ( may Allah be pleased with her) to very old age. Allhmdullah she passed a lot of knowledge and fiqeh.

We also should not judge the brother’s intention for marrying a young girl as Allah knows what in his heart.

[`asiya]

do u actually wanna marry him even tho he's old enuff to be ur father?!

why does it matter ? my step sisters husband is technically old enough to be her grandfather, it doesnt matter to them at all, she loves him very much. she was 19 and he was 60 when they married and it was her who wanted to marry him initially, its all a cultural thing this age issue, my sister is half chinese and in her culture there is nothing wrong with a younger woman marrying an older man, nothing wrong with it at all, and like i said 6 years and 2 childen later they are very happily married.

[PK Aali]

ders a weird cuple in every generation

[`asiya]

ders a weird cuple in every generation

dont call my family weird please, just because u find it strange doesnt mean there is something wrong with it.

[PK Aali]

i didnt. i called the age difference weird. no need to take it personally loq

[miss-islamic]

Sis, it’s not a weird but its an exception to the proper general way of marrying someone you can relate to , meaning for most people (esp. nowadays, I have to emphasis) that the potential-spouse being someone more of their own age. Being able to relating to the potential you are going spend the rest if you life is the most important thing. They can be religious and have good character but that don’t mean you are going to relate them… Why don't you marry a divorcee/ old/ infirm etc? Then you could be a young wife and help them out. How do you know what ages his other wives are? How do you know he proposed to her and not the other way around? It seems her family want her to marry him - unless i've missed something.

Marriage is not propagated as charity for widows/divorcees/old women by Muslims, polygamy is. I’ll bet the hijab around my head that this scholar himself propagates it as that. But 99.9 % of men who marry again don’t marry them. Where is the shame? It’s nothing but a sham.All Things Hala are Good, All things Haram are Bad,

you cannot accuse somone for doing something Halal, doing so is Haram, in like manner you could not accuse Khadija(ra) for Marrying Muhammad :saw: who was Much Younger.

what was Correct at the ime of the Prophet :saw: is correct Nowadays too, the Shariah Laws he brought are till Judgement day, not temporary Laws, therefore your statement is grossly incorrect.

The above post shows your View thats all, but to accuse a Scholar because he decided to marry a Young Virgin,

:jkk:

There is law, then there is the brain and heart Allah (swt) has give us. In this case, yes, you are technically allowed to marry someone who is twice your age or you be the one twice their age but it not the most intellectually and/or morally right thing to do.

[PK Aali]

ur display pic is disturbing

[miss-islamic]

So his other wives and children, do you care what they’ll think and feel? Does he care?Salaam,
...I didn't mean to imply that anyone's intentions were bad. My point was that just because something is halal does not mean it's without negative consequences, and those should be considered before choosing to do it. That's true of any decision, whether it's marriage, working/not working, dealing with children, moving, etc. My concern here was the attitude "He isn't doing anything haram, so it's wrong to refuse him."

Sorry if I offended you :)

Yeh, thanks.

[miss-islamic]

ur display pic is disturbing

Why? :s

[PK Aali]

why dyou think...duh...

[miss-islamic]

You do realize the irony of you saying that, given your own avatar? Did you get it from an E.M.O. site or something? :p Pics of shaheeds are popular, this one was a personal one from long ago.

[PK Aali]

its not allowed to take pics of living people, never mind dead people

[miss-islamic]

Sorry haram-policiya, but I don’t hold that view.

[PK Aali]

^ u disagree with the 4 major scholars then, not to mention the Prophet Muhammad Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam!

good luck!

[RazielTemp]

There is law, then there is the brain and heart Allah (swt) has give us. In this case, yes, you are technically allowed to marry someone who is twice your age or you be the one twice their age but it not the most intellectually and/or morally right thing to do.

Since it allowed, It cannot be Morally wrong ... Allah Tabarak Wata'ala does not permit or Allow anything Morally wrong, or Immoral ...

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq! Instead of coming up with legitimate Excuses, some sisters have resorted to discriminating based on age, and even refuse to acknowledge that Rasulullah :saw: Married Khadija (ra) who was Older and Ayesha(ra) who was significantly younger than him ... He Never committed any Injustice against them, If the Scholar in question marries Muslima's younger than him, and does likewise, then your arguments are worthless.

Belittling a Scholar for marrying a sister, who is twenty years younger than him, does not make him Bad, you arguments are Faulty ...

It is the Amal/Deeds which define the Characteristic of a Person, whether he's Good or Bad ...

It is not for you to determine whether Marrying a Sister much younger than him is the best thing or not, what you are doing is akin to Backbiting ... stating things against him, without Proving that he is doing an act of Injustice ...

This is strictly prohibited, Haram.

I am ashamed at some of the things the sisters come up with ...

Astagfirullah

:jkk:

[Um_yusuf]

Answer me though? u wudnt would u? u cant face the truth!!

n keep ur whips to urself

salaam

no point answering someone whos a 'know it all:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Um_yusuf]

Since it allowed, It cannot be Morally wrong ... Allah Tabarak Wata'ala does not permit or Allow anything Morally wrong, or Immoral ...

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq! Instead of coming up with legitimate Excuses, some sisters have resorted to discriminating based on age, and even refuse to acknowledge that Rasulullah :saw: Married Khadija (ra) who was Older and Ayesha(ra) who was significantly younger than him ... He Never committed any Injustice against them, If the Scholar in question marries Muslima's younger than him, and does likewise, then your arguments are worthless.

Belittling a Scholar for marrying a sister, who is twenty years younger than him, does not make him Bad, you arguments are Faulty ...

It is the Amal/Deeds which define the Characteristic of a Person, whether he's Good or Bad ...

It is not for you to determine whether Marrying a Sister much younger than him is the best thing or not, what you are doing is akin to Backbiting ... stating things against him, without Proving that he is doing an act of Injustice ...

This is strictly prohibited, Haram.

I am ashamed at some of the things the sisters come up with ...

Astagfirullah

:jkk:

:lailah:

jazakhAllah khair for this post , very well said and i agree with you that some sisters here should be ashamed of their attitudes.:rolleyes:

[miss-islamic]

^ u disagree with the 4 major scholars then, not to mention the Prophet Muhammad Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam!

good luck!

Lol, there were no cameras in their time. Hey lets have that little chat about how digital cameras are not as haram as the original cameras because of some technical difference in their making, huh? Pathetic. Since it allowed, It cannot be Morally wrong ... Allah Tabarak Wata'ala does not permit or Allow anything Morally wrong, or Immoral ...

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq! Instead of coming up with legitimate Excuses, some sisters have resorted to discriminating based on age, and even refuse to acknowledge that Rasulullah :saw: Married Khadija (ra) who was Older and Ayesha(ra) who was significantly younger than him ... He Never committed any Injustice against them, If the Scholar in question marries Muslima's younger than him, and does likewise, then your arguments are worthless.

Belittling a Scholar for marrying a sister, who is twenty years younger than him, does not make him Bad, you arguments are Faulty ...

It is the Amal/Deeds which define the Characteristic of a Person, whether he's Good or Bad ...

It is not for you to determine whether Marrying a Sister much younger than him is the best thing or not, what you are doing is akin to Backbiting ... stating things against him, without Proving that he is doing an act of Injustice ...

This is strictly prohibited, Haram.

I am ashamed at some of the things the sisters come up with ...

Astagfirullah

:jkk:

No. Just because something that is “allowed” or someone has a “right” to do something doesn’t mean a person doing it is right (or good) or doing it all the time is right(or good). Say if a bro owed another bro money and he doesn’t pay it back on time. The first bro can take him too court and get him in trouble for it. This is “allowed” and his “right.” But morally speaking that would not be the right thing to do. He should talk it out with him, etc. Or technically a man's awrah is from the navel to kneesis and is “allowed” to only cover that, but the more smarter and proper thing (that most people do) is to cover up (and not run around topless). Need more examples? After the law, our heart and mind Allah (swt) has given us comes in handy. Btw, in the Qur’an it says not to marry for “lust.” Marrying young girlies just out of their playpen is for lust.

[`asiya]

Lol, there were no cameras in their time. Hey lets have that little chat about how digital cameras are not as haram as the original cameras because of some technical difference in their making, huh? Pathetic.

No. Just because something that is “allowed” or someone has a “right” to do something doesn’t mean a person doing it is right (or good) or doing it all the time is right(or good). Say if a bro owed another bro money and he doesn’t pay it back on time. The first bro can take him too court and get him in trouble for it. This is “allowed” and his “right.” But morally speaking that would not be the right thing to do. He should talk it out with him, etc. Or technically a man's awrah is from the navel to kneesis and is “allowed” to only cover that, but the more smarter and proper thing (that most people do) is to cover up (and not run around topless). Need more examples? After the law, our heart and mind Allah (swt) has given us comes in handy. Btw, in the Qur’an it says not to marry for “lust.” Marrying young girlies just out of their playpen is for lust.

maybe in some people minds sister, but not all people have perverted thinking, this idea that men only marry for one thing is very prevellant in the west, but not when it comes to true muslims who know that the criteria for marriage is the religion , and not even with some non muslims, who are not in the business of having such debased thinking.

and im wondering what those who think a man shouldnt marry a woman who is much younger than himself think the cut off point for age gaps amongst men and women should be then.. whats the limit 5 years ? 10 years ? maybe 15 ?

[sis_niqabi]

Salam

after reading some of the post on the thread im kinda of disgusted and just shaking my head. astagfirallh some of the people on here are speaking from their own intellect and feelings rather than from an islamic view. when someone gives you advice you should be speaking from an islamic view and not your own personal opinions and emotions.

some of you act as if it's haraam or shameful to be a 4th wife. or that there is something wrong with a man taking on a young wife. there is nothing in the quran or sunnah which forbids this. and if a man wants to marry a woman younger than him than it's his choice. and you know actually some women prefer marrying men that are older than them.
i personally would not marry an older man, but that's my preference and im totally not against anyone else doing that because there's nothing wrong or perverted marrying with a woman marrying an older man

my advice to the sister, if you feel that marrying him is the right decision and you feel that you would be happy being his wife than go ahead and do it don't worry or care what others think. there are a lot of haters out there so just ignore them

[RashidD]

Marriage is not propagated as charity for widows/divorcees/old women by Muslims, polygamy is. I’ll bet the hijab around my head that this scholar himself propagates it as that. But 99.9 % of men who marry again don’t marry them. Where is the shame? It’s nothing but a sham.

Got any evidence to back that up? After all, you quoted it as being the Islamic stance...

[irony]

Salaam Sister,

I think you should re-think about it very very sincerely.

Pt #1 - You are marrying someone 23 years older than you. Over double your age.
Pt #2 - The individual has 3 wives. You mention he has kids. Please find out the ages of his children. Its probable that he has a child who is like 5 yrs younger than you.

Please find out how he is treating his wives and his relation with them. Consider the following points:

- You are only 20, it may be very difficult for you to adjust with 3 other wives. It may also be difficult for you to live in with a family who has grown up kids.

- You will have Less time with your husband as his time will be shared with other wives.

- There's a possibility that there will be chaos among different wives on many occasions. You will have to deal with it.

- Providing equal share of money to 4 wives is a difficult task for a husband. Thus, Unequal share of money may be given to different wives. You will also have to deal with it.

- There's also the issue of raising children of different wives which is a difficult task.

If you ask my suggestion, I would strongly suggest not to marry him. I think you should look for someone of similar age to you; I am sure there are many other Islamic scholars in the around 30 or younger who is looking to marry.

[`asiya]

each wife will have her own home insha Allah, i know a scholar married to 3 sisters and each wife has their own house, they dont all live together and hang out together. when a man marries more than one woman, they all have an individual marriage with the man, he doesnt take them all collectively shopping at the same time, he spends specific days with each one, and all have an equal share of his time, so the issue u bought arent really rellevant, and in my step sisters case she has 2 step daughters who are 16 years older than her, and it isnt a problem at all. its just because we are so westernised in our thinking that it all boils down to age here, the connection amongst a muslim man and his wife is their islam first and foremost as it governs every part of our life, so even with an age difference there will plenty that they have in common with each other, and i wish the sister all the very best with her decision and may Allah ta ala give her what is best for her amin! may Allah bless you sister, and dont let it worry you what people say, if you think this man is good in deen, and u like him, and feel you could love him as his wife , and you get along well with him, then masha Allah you cant ask for more than that :)

[Tosh]

Shukran. He has many gud qualities i cnt deny that.

he's a respected student of islam. my father is sheikh too but he looks up to him. he's also the imaam of my local mosque, and is involved in dacwa projects all over the uk. the youth love him and attend all his lectures. I wudnt say his appearance bothers me bt every1 gt prefrences rite? He's got 3wifes so far not sure how many childeren tho. That dont matter to me either, he's got the full right. He's a doctor of medicine bt doesnt practice it in order to teach islam, and spends most of his time teachin others. My whole family r ova the moon, n every1 says ive im sow lucky. i dnt know whether i cn face the huge disspointment i will cause if godforbid i happen not like him enuf for marriage purpose. Bt i go to his lectures frequently n i really enjoy the way he presents islam, he's very funny too.

only thing that bothers me is his age. he's 23 yrs older. I feel vry wrong if thats the only reason for my refusal. I havent met him yet, but my parents know of the proposal. eek!

rabiiqfirlii

The problem with some of the responses here, sound like some of the sisters would be happier marrying a hollywood movie star. I'm sure wouldn't mind accepting an 'older' person in that case, but surely thats because the 'Western' people are so much more understanding even in old age...no.

Ok, maybe people didn't imply that, but perhaps some point was made.

To be honest, he sounds like a stable and very good person. MashaAllah

In my opinion, you should pinpoint what it is about the age gap that troubles you exactly, and whether that is a problem that you won't be wanting to overcome. Basically, what I mean is, if you didn't know his age, do you think there would still be a problem? Or if he just had another age but was totally the same physically and mentally, would it be a problem?

Also, keep in mind that all marriages have some compromise, it comes with the territory. So even if it was someone younger, perhaps they might not be as stable, or knowledgeable, or as understanding.

The fact that he has three wives probably shows someone who knows what to do and would give you a lot. Probably many people here, we don't understand the situation, and so we think our opinions actually matter. If I think back and try to think in the spirit of Islam, I would advise you to go for it, and do so wholeheartedly. Of course there is nervousness before such a big change, but from what I can perceive, there will probably be some jealousy between the wives, but I don't think there will be any regrets.

One more thing, does he have any sisters? You should talk to them inshaAllah, perhaps that will allay any fears. Try to talk to someone who has probably stayed with him for more than 3 days. Because the external appearance is not the only face of a person and will not be the relationship you would have, but sounds like that shouldn't be a problem either.

If the problem is really serious, just check with your dad whether he thinks the age gap will cause a problem. It doesn't matter that someone is old enough to be your father, it just matters that they aren't your father, subhanAllah! This concept has been forced by people who don't understand the true nature of human beings and what we need to be content, people who don't understand people who don't have a guide which is the best guidance for us, people who don't live by the Qur'an and sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), people who are not close to Allah swt. In the case that someone thinks I am knocking a 'sect' or 'person', I am actually referring to the portion of our society that has contra-holistic secular sentiments : ).

May Allah guide you to the decision that is best for you. Ameen.

Allahu Alim. Allah knows best!

[RazielTemp]

Lol, there were no cameras in their time. Hey lets have that little chat about how digital cameras are not as haram as the original cameras because of some technical difference in their making, huh? Pathetic.

No. Just because something that is “allowed” or someone has a “right” to do something doesn’t mean a person doing it is right (or good) or doing it all the time is right(or good).

The statement above is Grossly incorrect, something Halal, cannot be wrong,

Halal means something permitted by Allah Ta'ala,

Why do you keep Implying that Allah Ta'ala Allowed a "Wrong" to take place by making it Halal ...?

Astagfirullah!

Say if a bro owed another bro money and he doesn’t pay it back on time. The first bro can take him too court and get him in trouble for it. This is “allowed” and his “right.”

But morally speaking that would not be the right thing to do.

Again your putting your Own Opinion into this, Both are correct, Forgiving them, delaying the Payment, and taking him to court for not paying back the Money owed ... according to the Furqan

Allah Tabarak Wata'ala does not Permit anything Immoral, wrong ...


He should talk it out with him, etc.

Indeed If he refuses to Pay back the money, he should either Forgive him, or ask for Payment (ie. take him to Court) a Qardh has to be paid back, even after we die ... or Forgiven by the Person it is owed to...

Or technically a man's awrah is from the navel to kneesis and is “allowed” to only cover that,

Are you implying that Meeting the Minimum requirements in the Awrah makes you Immoral as you have done by accusing the Scholar previously?


but the more smarter and proper thing (that most people do) is to cover up (and not run around topless).

Indeed, but you cannot claim that the Person who meets all the Fardh criteria is Immoral, therefore your argument is again Faulty ...


Need more examples? After the law, our heart and mind Allah (swt) has given us comes in handy.

I did not say that it doesn't so the above is Irrelevant,

Btw, in the Qur’an it says not to marry for “lust.” Marrying young girlies just out of their playpen is for lust.

Quote one Ayah which says that IF you marry Young "Girlies" you are Lustful person ...



This argument has gone on long enough, If you wish to discriminate a person based on the age of who he's choosing to marry, then that is your Ba'atil opinion, Unsupported by either the Furqan or the Saheeh Hadith's ...

Your acting just like the Kuffars who made Allegations against Rasulullah :saw: just because he chose to Marry Ayesha (ra) who was much younger than him ...

Astagfirullah,

accusing a Person of being Lustful without evidence is Haram, this is the second account of you backbiting the Scholar in question,

You have been proven wrong, If you wish to continue accusing someone of being "Lustful" Based purely on the fact that he chose to Marry a Young Muslima, then your blinded by your own assumptions, there is little anyone can do to bring to your senses,

May Allah Ta'ala prevent us from accusing people of Haram activities, because they did something Halal ...

Ameen!

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq!

[PiElle2]

a man 43 years of age is not old at all, in fact he will be more stable (emotional and hopefully, financially) than most young men... and able to take care of family better...

ask yourself why you are hesitating... if he can take care of you?

but of course you have to realise that his time will be divided by his 4 wives/family and that you have to settle with little time he has left for you... and you are willing to give him your time (ie. your youth) to this man...

[PK Aali]

This argument has gone on long enough, If you wish to discriminate a person based on the age of who he's choosing to marry, then that is your Ba'atil opinion, Unsupported by either the Furqan or the Saheeh Hadith's ...

Your acting just like the Kuffars who made Allegations against Rasulullah :saw: just because he chose to Marry Ayesha (ra) who was much younger than him ...

Astagfirullah,

accusing a Person of being Lustful without evidence is Haram, this is the second account of you backbiting the Scholar in question,

You have been proven wrong, If you wish to continue accusing someone of being "Lustful" Based purely on the fact that he chose to Marry a Young Muslima, then your blinded by your own assumptions, there is little anyone can do to bring to your senses,

May Allah Ta'ala prevent us from accusing people of Haram activities, because they did something Halal ...

Ameen!

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq!


oh chill out, those were diff times

[RazielTemp]

oh chill out, those were diff times

doesn't change the fact that yours and the sisters answer/statement is Wrong,

Al-Quran and the Saheeh Hadith of Rasulullah :saw: were meant till Yaumul Qiyama, the Day of Judgment, therefore "those were different times" does not negate the fact of Backbiting upon a brother Purely because he chose to marry a Muslimah much younger than him ...

also you have been Proven to be wrong more than once, and have resorted to childish remarks before too,

regards.

[PK Aali]

*yawn* if u say so

[Anikaa]

Do some of you people honestly have the time to even bother thinking/discussing such things. Alhumdulillaah the haqq is clear. If Allah blesses any bro/sis with an 'aalim as their spouse, then gd for them. We ask Allah to bless their marriage. What is there about this topic that causes 6 pages?

[RazielTemp]

Do some of you people honestly have the time to even bother thinking/discussing such things. Alhumdulillaah the haqq is clear. If Allah blesses any bro/sis with an 'aalim as their spouse, then gd for them. We ask Allah to bless their marriage. What is there about this topic that causes 6 pages?

:jkk: Ukthi I only replied to refute the Ba'atil ideas some sisters have, but I will not bother replying to them anymore in this thread,

the Haqq is clear from Ba'atil,

[PK Aali]

^ yeh it is LOL

[turquoise]

Salaam sis,

thats nt really a valid excuse :o, sustainance comes from Allah SWT, and Allah alone.

Again, why do you feel you need an 'excuse' not to marry him? I don't like the attitude that you're obligated to marry anyone who asks, just because you can't find fault with him deen-wise. If someone is suggesting that you are, they're misinformed.

Of course sustenance come from Allah, but that doesn't mean that we should just sit in a chair and pray for it. I'm sure you know the hadith about tying a camel ;) If someone closer to your own age proposed, and said outright: "I will support you for the next 25 years, and after that you (and our children) will be on your own", I'm sure that would (and should!) effect your decision.

again death is also in the hands of Allah, who says i wud live longer than him??

A 90% chance of something happening is not equivalent to a 2% chance of the same thing happening, and there's nothing in Islam that says you have to consider them as the same. Though that does raise an interesting point - suppose you do die before him. What will happen to your children then? He'll still be old, they'll still be very young relative to his age, and what would he do with them while moving between his three other wives?

Sooner or later, whether you oulive him or not, he will get old, he will stop working, and then, eventually, he will die. I don't know exactly what expenses are in the UK, but it will cost money to provide for a house big enough for you and any children. Even if they go to public schools for free, there will still be educational expenses. It would be nice for your sons to be able to marry young if they want, but they're unlikely to be able to do that if they have to work to support you and their younger siblings, because their father can't anymore. That's not really fair to them. Yes, the guy might live to be 120 and work up to the day he dies, but making major decisions on the assumption that that .01% chance will work out is pretty shortsighted.

Also, every fatwa I've ever read about polygamy mentions that the man must be able to afford more wives. I don't know much about the brother's finances (and it seems you don't either), but most agree that this means he must be able to afford them without government assistance intended for the truly needy. Insha'Allah, being an aalim, he knows that already. You really should find out more about his finances before proceeding.

If he has a few million put away, then none of this applies :) That sounds like a lot, but remember your family's share would be 1/4 or less, depending on the children from the other wives.

bt i do realise i gt 2 get much more info b4 makin a decision, is it fair to make him wait tho??

Why would it not be fair to make him wait? Don't you plan to speak with him at some point before signing the ktaab? Insha'Allah this doesn't apply to him, but any man who gets offended by someone not saying yes instantly really isn't worth having.

I'm really curious about this point: Where did you get the idea that you need daleel to decline a proposal? You don't. If you don't like the idea of being married to him, then don't. Marrying him under those circumstances would be far more unfair to him than just making him wait for an answer would be.

[miss-islamic]

Got any evidence to back that up? After all, you quoted it as being the Islamic stance...

That polygamy is charity for widows (usually after war)/divorcees/older women? No, Islam doesn’t say that per se, it is propagated (cue the word propaganda) by Muslims as that and it [I]was{/I] practiced and encouraged as such in the prophet (saw)’s time. It’s not nowadays.Salaam,
Just because something is technically halal doesn't mean the motives for doing it are pure, and it doesn't mean it's beyond reproach. It certainly doesn't mean that it's haram to criticize someone's judgment in choosing to do it.

Yeh, this is exactly what I’m trying to say -- thanks again. :)

[sis_niqabi]

salam

i think some people on this thread need to stop speaking without knowledge. where are people getting that polygyny is a type of chairty, and that a man can only marry a divorced or widow. and that it was only for the prophet's time? if polygyny was something only for that period of time don't you think the prophet (pbuh) would have said so?

like for example mutaah (temporary marriage) was allowed for a period of time then banned. if polygyny was like that don't you think there would be a hadith about that.

and there are no set conditions on what type of woman a man is allowed to marry. if a man wants to marry a virgin or non-virgin woman as a 2nd wife he can. there is no haram in it. and even if a man marries another woman to fulfill his desires, again there is nothing wrong with. would you rather have that man take on a mistress and commit the haraam?

honestly if my husband came and told me he wanted to take on another wife because he feared of falling into the haraam with another woman i would say go ahead. and it's a man's right to take on another wife.

i use to be the type that was against a man taking on another wife. but after reading more about polygyny in islam and all you start to see the wisdom behind it. and i realized also that a man taking on another wife doesn't mean he doesn't love his first wife.

[ILovepink]

salaam

tnx every1.

if i had to sit down n think about what i want from marriage, den its 1 thing only n thats 2 produce a dozen of righteous offspring that will worship only Allah SWT. in order 2 gt that i need 2 find a rightous husband

Im goin by the hadith

“If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.”

and i take it from this that this will bring about correct and good upbringing of my children insha Allah. its really the mst important thing 2 me. everythin else is 2ndary. n From my brothers info he's a saalih and people that know him (includin his wives) have said he has never been unjust to any of his wives, and none of his wives have ever had arguments wid one anotha. the 3rd wife whos married 2 him for the least no of yrs, thats 4 yrs, has been introduced to him by his 1st wife. his 1st wife has visited us last night, and i was amazed at how humble and kind she was, she told my fam how deen is most important to him n what activities he holds for youth n personallu how he interacts with her and the other wives families n how he brings dem all togetha regularly, found that sooow sweet:o im starting to fall in love:inlove:. She also told me about her and the other wives mahr, and my mahr is just ridiculous subhnlah. im no longer worried about his income or how hes goin 2 support me and my children alhamdulilahhh. she said he's worked in the past as a consultant 2 save b4 retiring and teachin islam. i tink istikharah is payin off finally. im over the mooooon:inlove: tnx every1 u've bnnnnn extremelyyyyyy helpful

:jkk:

:aku_wsalam: >>>> *runs off excitedly*

:lailah:
:lailah:
:lailah:

[`asiya]

:wswrwb: :ahb: sister he sounds perfect for u masha Allah and sah that hadith is all u need,the words of the prophet :saw: and Allah ta ala are all we need to be successful in all we do in this life and next and Alhamdulillah that his wives are lovely believing women too masha Allah may Allah ta ala bless them all amin :love: barakAllahu feeki may Allah ta ala guide your path to this marriage and fill it with barakah amin! awww all the best sister fi amaanillah really so happy for you alhamdulillah :inlove: may Allah bless u all amin amin!

:salams :there:

:D

[Um_yusuf]

doesn't change the fact that yours and the sisters answer/statement is Wrong,

Al-Quran and the Saheeh Hadith of Rasulullah :saw: were meant till Yaumul Qiyama, the Day of Judgment, therefore "those were different times" does not negate the fact of Backbiting upon a brother Purely because he chose to marry a Muslimah much younger than him ...

also you have been Proven to be wrong more than once, and have resorted to childish remarks before too,

regards.

well said
Jazakhallah khairun

as for you pkaali, you just need to grow up and stop being so ignorant!

[Um_yusuf]

salaam

tnx every1.

if i had to sit down n think about what i want from marriage, den its 1 thing only n thats 2 produce a dozen of righteous offspring that will worship only Allah SWT. in order 2 gt that i need 2 find a rightous husband

Im goin by the hadith

“If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.”

and i take it from this that this will bring about correct and good upbringing of my children insha Allah. its really the mst important thing 2 me. everythin else is 2ndary. n From my brothers info he's a saalih and people that know him (includin his wives) have said he has never been unjust to any of his wives, and none of his wives have ever had arguments wid one anotha. the 3rd wife whos married 2 him for the least no of yrs, thats 4 yrs, has been introduced to him by his 1st wife. his 1st wife has visited us last night, and i was amazed at how humble and kind she was, she told my fam how deen is most important to him n what activities he holds for youth n personallu how he interacts with her and the other wives families n how he brings dem all togetha regularly, found that sooow sweet:o im starting to fall in love:inlove:. She also told me about her and the other wives mahr, and my mahr is just ridiculous subhnlah. im no longer worried about his income or how hes goin 2 support me and my children alhamdulilahhh. she said he's worked in the past as a consultant 2 save b4 retiring and teachin islam. i tink istikharah is payin off finally. im over the mooooon:inlove: tnx every1 u've bnnnnn extremelyyyyyy helpful

:jkk:

:aku_wsalam: >>>> *runs off excitedly*

:lailah:
:lailah:
:lailah:

salaam dear sis

soo happy for you , this brother sounds wonderful mashAllah
may Allah swt bless you , ameen
and may Allah swt give hidayah to all those ignorant and arrogant young ppl on this forum! ameeen!!!

[turquoise]

and i take it from this that this will bring about correct and good upbringing of my children insha Allah. its really the mst important thing 2 me. everythin else is 2ndary. n From my brothers info he's a saalih and people that know him (includin his wives) have said he has never been unjust to any of his wives, and none of his wives have ever had arguments wid one anotha. the 3rd wife whos married 2 him for the least no of yrs, thats 4 yrs, has been introduced to him by his 1st wife. his 1st wife has visited us last night, and i was amazed at how humble and kind she was, she told my fam how deen is most important to him n what activities he holds for youth n personallu how he interacts with her and the other wives families n how he brings dem all togetha regularly, found that sooow sweet:o im starting to fall in love:inlove:. She also told me about her and the other wives mahr, and my mahr is just ridiculous subhnlah. im no longer worried about his income or how hes goin 2 support me and my children alhamdulilahhh. she said he's worked in the past as a consultant 2 save b4 retiring and teachin islam. i tink istikharah is payin off finally. im over the mooooon:inlove: tnx every1 u've bnnnnn extremelyyyyyy helpful


Awww, mabrook! :inlove:

[miss-islamic]

Yeh, mabrook and good luck.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

mubrook.

[~Warda~]

Mabrooks sis :inlove:

[Syed Shoaib]

do u know why he wants to marry you? what did he say? thats the important thing.

[Syed Shoaib]

oh the issue was resolved lol...may Allah bless you in your marriage

[`asiya]

amin :D

[Tosh]

Sorry haram-policiya, but I don’t hold that view.

Allahu Akbar.

^ u disagree with the 4 major scholars then, not to mention the Prophet Muhammad Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam!

good luck!

Allahu Akbar!

Marrying young girlies just out of their playpen is for lust.

ALLAHU AKBAR

and you are willing to give him your time (ie. your youth) to this man...

ALLAHU AKBAR!!!


I'm really curious about this point: Where did you get the idea that you need daleel to decline a proposal?

Sincerity to the deen means that a person wants everything they do to be in line with it, MashaAllah. Perhaps she was looking for an example of a person who was declined in the time of the Prophet sAllahu alayhi wa salam on the basis of age; as there are examples on the basis of TAQWA and no doubt, ATTRACTIVENESS issues....as well as not consented marriages. This was to show the true spirit and nature of Islam with regards to marriage and the rights of women that must be upheld.

A little ender
------------
I have learnt a lot from this thread, Alhamdulillah. I have been taught and reminded about the reality of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), what a great man he was, SubhanAllah. I have been taught about the beauty in the rulings laid down by Allah swt, and given a tiny sneak peek at the wisdom behind it. And this list is no way near exhaustion, but I have been taught about the subleties of Istikharah and the Qadr of Allah subhana wa Ta'ala. This sister was sent here by Allah Rabb ul Izza to teach us, mashaAllah, that is just one of the reasons why she had to wait. Alhamdulillah, we learnt about the marriage of four wives, we learnt about true piety of wives - Allahu Akbar, we learnt about marriage of different ages and the validity of that, we learnt about sincerity, we learnt about controlling our tongues (and fingers!), we have been taught about heroes of our time, we learnt that we know very little. SubhanAllah wa Alhamdulillah wa Allahu Akbar.

I ask Allah to bless this marriage, to guide those involved, and guide those around them, and may Allah have mercy on us all, increase greatly in knowledge, open the gates of Jannah for us so we can feel the breeze, gives us permission to learn more of the knowledge that He has allowed us. Ameen.

SubhanAllah.

[PK Aali]

Good luck.

[RazielTemp]

Good luck.

why is it that everybody keeps posting "Good Luck" ?

are they trying to Imply that things just happen out of random chance?

Nothing happens by "Luck" it is by the leave and permission of Allah that things occur, as the Furqan states.

:jkk:

[PiElle2]

why is it that everybody keeps posting "Good Luck" ?

are they trying to Imply that things just happen out of random chance?

Nothing happens by "Luck" it is by the leave and permission of Allah that things occur, as the Furqan states.

:jkk:


LOL... bro... "good luck" means 99.9% hard work from oneself...

btw...

pinkie sis... mabrooks on your decision. inshallah you'll be a happily married young lady very soon. And may Allah grant you a blissful and fruitful marriage. :)

[dudette]

bismillah,

alf alf alf mabrook ukhti, subhanAllah when i first read your post i was prayinf for the best and i was hoping inshaAllah you wouldn't turn it down as all brothers should be firstly judged on their level of deen and inshaAllah age and what not should be minor aspects...wallahi im so happy for you!!! i love it when people annonce marriages mashaAllah may Allah bless your marriage. ameen...

wa Allah a3lam

[Hiking]

yes i would *shakes head*