View Full Version : Would you go.....?????
yasmin20
10-05-08, 01:39 PM
Asalam Alaikum
I'm kind of 'stuck' at the moment I can't seem to make up my mind. I would really be interested in Islamic feedback about this situation but I'll welcome anything else as long as my thread doesnt turn into a huge big battle....inshaALLAH :up:
Here's the little problem... I've received an invitation to attend one of my friends wedding....let me explain a bit more.... this friend isnt very close to me but we've been in touch since we left high school. She is a non-muslim, she's getting married (by eloping) to this guy who her parents do not like infact it seems like they really hate him....his past is their main problem ....he was married, has two children his ex-wife divorced him she suspected he was having an extra maritial affair ( i don't know anymore then this) and he's quite older then my friend , he works in a modelling agency i know he's not a model i dont know what he does there
If i do go I will only go to the town hall registring part I'm not going to the party afterwards for obvious reasons I really dont know what to do..............................................:s cratch:
I mean she's running away and getting married, her parents or sibling do not want to be there and will not be there. Will it be haram for me to support her by being there for her, she'll be very happy if I was there my presence would make a difference for her but I'm struggling to decide what I think is right for me to do..... the wedding is next week Saturday
I spoke to her and she has invited some of her other friends....the guy's family will be there too :scratch::scratch: so confused
Medievalist
10-05-08, 02:34 PM
is she running away or is she just getting married without her family agreeing to it? I didnt know english people had to run off n get married?
Islamisthebest
10-05-08, 02:49 PM
umm this is a toughy. i have no idea
yasmin20
10-05-08, 02:50 PM
Well she's not English she's Indian hindu ...well she's getting married without her parents agreeing to it i THINK ...I'm not too sure if her parents know she's getting married
Well I would say go to the wedding...Just show your face, without being offensive how the girl has got around to getting married has nothing to do with you, all you should be interested in is that you got an invitation, and she is your friend and you will be making her happy turning up...Come on...its a wedding...free food...Chaval, Roaster, COKE AND MORE COKE!
If she was muslim then it would be whole diffrent situation - cuz she's not personally i dont think it would be wrong either way if u went or didnt.
aisha2007
10-05-08, 03:36 PM
Well she's not English she's Indian hindu ...well she's getting married without her parents agreeing to it i THINK ...I'm not too sure if her parents know she's getting married
why would you want to go to a non-muslim wedding?
you are also getting yourself involved with somthing you may later regret anyway. When her parents do find out there will be questions about who knew and you may well end up being blamed.
why would you want to go to a non-muslim wedding?
you are also getting yourself involved with somthing you may later regret anyway. When her parents do find out there will be questions about who knew and you may well end up being blamed.
She wont regret turning up to a wedding. Nothing to regret, its not as if she made them elope!! GO TO THE WEDDING...WHO CARES...IF YOU DONT IM GONA TURN UP...I can do with a munch
aisha2007
10-05-08, 03:46 PM
She wont regret turning up to a wedding. Nothing to regret, its not as if she made them elope!! GO TO THE WEDDING...WHO CARES...IF YOU DONT IM GONA TURN UP...I can do with a munch
Its a kaffir wedding...and if there is nothing more constructive you can say... silence is golden?
AhlaamYasmina
10-05-08, 03:48 PM
Asalam Alaikum
I'm kind of 'stuck' at the moment I can't seem to make up my mind. I would really be interested in Islamic feedback about this situation but I'll welcome anything else as long as my thread doesnt turn into a huge big battle....inshaALLAH :up:
Here's the little problem... I've received an invitation to attend one of my friends wedding....let me explain a bit more.... this friend isnt very close to me but we've been in touch since we left high school. She is a non-muslim, she's getting married (by eloping) to this guy who her parents do not like infact it seems like they really hate him....his past is their main problem ....he was married, has two children his ex-wife divorced him she suspected he was having an extra maritial affair ( i don't know anymore then this) and he's quite older then my friend , he works in a modelling agency i know he's not a model i dont know what he does there
If i do go I will only go to the town hall registring part I'm not going to the party afterwards for obvious reasons I really dont know what to do..............................................:s cratch:
I mean she's running away and getting married, her parents or sibling do not want to be there and will not be there. Will it be haram for me to support her by being there for her, she'll be very happy if I was there my presence would make a difference for her but I'm struggling to decide what I think is right for me to do..... the wedding is next week Saturday
I spoke to her and she has invited some of her other friends....the guy's family will be there too :scratch::scratch: so confused
wa aleykumu salaam warahmatulah wa barakatuhu
dear sister, Allah's rights over you as His servant come before anything else. It means that you should consider whether you are obeying His commands in every matter. He is your creator, therefore obey Him before anyone else. So, insha Allah you would have to consider whether you are not transgressing the limits of your deen by attending this friends wedding. As I've never been to a non-muslim wedding I wouldn't know what the registering part involves. Does if involve mixing of men and women? If it does, then there are clear islamic rules that dissaprove of this unless it's for a noble cause.
also bear in mind sis, you should not just abandon her but advice her and show her kindness. But not abandoning her doesn't mean attending her wedding, where you may find yourself in a non-islamic surrounding with temptations that may lead to fitna. As a muslim you should aim to shut firmly the door against anything that may lead to fitna, that includes temptations.
If I would find myself in that situation, I would probably try and solve it through explaining to her that attending her wedding would place me in an uncomfortable enviroment and more importantly jepordise my faith. And that's only because of the "mixing" of opposite genders.
Then comes the other issue of her marrying against her parents approval. I'm just very curious on what Islam says about supporting the kaafir in the impermissble: her marrying despite her parents dissapproval, for obvious reasons.
Walahu aclam
the above is just an opinion pls remember that you should take fatwa (islamic ruling) from knowledgeble people as opposed to what we think. see below. hope that helps:) And Allah's help we seek.
As regards the issue of mixing between sexes, we would like to quote for you the following fatwa issued by the eminent Muslim scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi:
In principle, contacts between men and women are not totally rejected; rather, recommendable so long as a noble objective is intended and the subject itself is lawful such as acquiring beneficial knowledge, good work, charitable project, obligatory Jihad or many other deeds that require the efforts and the co-operation the both sexes.
However, this by no means calls for transgressing the limits and forgetting about the nature of both sexes. In all their dealings, both men and women are to abide by the teachings of Islam that call for co-operation on the basis of goodness and piety while observing the rules of morality and politeness.
The following are the conditions that must be met when there is a contact between both sexes:
1- Both parties should adhere to lowering the gaze. No lustful look should exist. Almighty Allah says: [Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.] (An-Nur: 30-31)
2- A Muslim woman should observe the Muslim code of dressing. The Muslim dress for women, as well-known, covers the whole body save for the face and the hands. It is neither tight nor light in a way that describes the features of the body.
3- General morality should be adhered to. In other words, a woman should be serious in speech and decent in way of walking, nipping any trial of Satan to spread immorality in the bud. Also, no perfumes are to be worn while being away from home, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Any woman who wears perfumes and then passes by a group of men and they smell it, she is an adulteress.”
4-No man and woman are allowed to be together in a place where no other males exist, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “(Doing so) their third mate will be Satan i.e. leading them to sin.” This applies also to the relatives of the husband as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting with women alone!” They (the Companions) said: “What about the relative of the husband, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “A relative of the husband is death i.e. the cause of death.” This is because a relative of a husband may stay for a long time and thus the danger of sin becomes greater.
5- Finally, we would like to note that all these contacts are not to be given loose rein. They are to be carried out according to need and reasonable interaction. Contacting men, no Muslim woman is allowed to forget about her nature or her role as a woman and instructor of all Muslim generations.
Will alcohol be served? Personally I wouldn't want to attend a wedding where alcohol is present. Reason being....is that EVEN though you don't drink alcohol yourself...you are still in the presence of alcohol...which means you don't have a problem with the whole concept of alcohol being haraam - in other words.. you are not taking your religion seriously. See what I mean?
I'm not referring to you...just speaking in general. :p
Khubaib
10-05-08, 04:00 PM
I don't know what the ruling is on this. If I had to make a decision though I would not go. First she is a mushrik, second the environment is not a good one for a muslim. You don't know whether or not there will be alcohol and music. She may "introduce" you to her male family members and friends. There is nothing that will help you for the akhirah if you attend unless it was strictly for the purposes of da'wah, but you said you would be in a "supportive" role for her which is indefensible. It may be difficult, but don't worry too much about offending her. If she was Muslim this would be a different situation.
:salams:
yasmin20
10-05-08, 04:13 PM
Well I would say go to the wedding...Just show your face, without being offensive how the girl has got around to getting married has nothing to do with you, all you should be interested in is that you got an invitation, and she is your friend and you will be making her happy turning up...Come on...its a wedding...free food...Chaval, Roaster, COKE AND MORE COKE!
If i do go I'm not going to the party because of free mixing,music ect ect I'm might go to the registration...
If she was muslim then it would be whole diffrent situation - cuz she's not personally i dont think it would be wrong either way if u went or didnt.
Jazak Allahu khyre sis thats how i feel but it doesnt feel right.....
why would you want to go to a non-muslim wedding?
you are also getting yourself involved with somthing you may later regret anyway. When her parents do find out there will be questions about who knew and you may well end up being blamed.
The reason why i would go to a non-muslim wedding is
1) there will be no worshipping of any idols or anything it will be just signing the wedding legal contract secondly I'm a revert my family are non-muslim so that would be another reason why I would go but although it doesnt apply in this situation
I don't feel i will regret going to her wedding because I will be blamed but I may regret it if it Islamicly wrong ...and i can't see how I would get the blame by attending....
wa aleykumu salaam warahmatulah wa barakatuhu
dear sister, Allah's rights over you as His servant come before anything else. It means that you should consider whether you are obeying His commands in every matter. He is your creator, therefore obey Him before anyone else. So, insha Allah you would have to consider whether you are not transgressing the limits of your deen by attending this friends wedding. As I've never been to a non-muslim wedding I wouldn't know what the registering part involves. Does if involve mixing of men and women? If it does, then there are clear islamic rules that dissaprove of this unless it's for a noble cause.
also bear in mind sis, you should not just abandon her but advice her and show her kindness. But not abandoning her doesn't mean attending her wedding, where you may find yourself in a non-islamic surrounding with temptations that may lead to fitna. As a muslim you should aim to shut firmly the door against anything that may lead to fitna, that includes temptations.
If I would find myself in that situation, I would probably try and solve it through explaining to her that attending her wedding would place me in an uncomfortable enviroment and more importantly jepordise my faith. And that's only because of the "mixing" of opposite genders.
Then comes the other issue of her marrying against her parents approval. I'm just very curious on what Islam says about supporting the kaafir in the impermissble: her marrying despite her parents dissapproval, for obvious reasons.
Walahu aclam
the above is just an opinion pls remember that you should take fatwa (islamic ruling) from knowledgeble people as opposed to what we think. see below. hope that helps:) And Allah's help we seek.
As regards the issue of mixing between sexes, we would like to quote for you the following fatwa issued by the eminent Muslim scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi:
In principle, contacts between men and women are not totally rejected; rather, recommendable so long as a noble objective is intended and the subject itself is lawful such as acquiring beneficial knowledge, good work, charitable project, obligatory Jihad or many other deeds that require the efforts and the co-operation the both sexes.
However, this by no means calls for transgressing the limits and forgetting about the nature of both sexes. In all their dealings, both men and women are to abide by the teachings of Islam that call for co-operation on the basis of goodness and piety while observing the rules of morality and politeness.
The following are the conditions that must be met when there is a contact between both sexes:
1- Both parties should adhere to lowering the gaze. No lustful look should exist. Almighty Allah says: [Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.] (An-Nur: 30-31)
2- A Muslim woman should observe the Muslim code of dressing. The Muslim dress for women, as well-known, covers the whole body save for the face and the hands. It is neither tight nor light in a way that describes the features of the body.
3- General morality should be adhered to. In other words, a woman should be serious in speech and decent in way of walking, nipping any trial of Satan to spread immorality in the bud. Also, no perfumes are to be worn while being away from home, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Any woman who wears perfumes and then passes by a group of men and they smell it, she is an adulteress.”
4-No man and woman are allowed to be together in a place where no other males exist, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “(Doing so) their third mate will be Satan i.e. leading them to sin.” This applies also to the relatives of the husband as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting with women alone!” They (the Companions) said: “What about the relative of the husband, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “A relative of the husband is death i.e. the cause of death.” This is because a relative of a husband may stay for a long time and thus the danger of sin becomes greater.
5- Finally, we would like to note that all these contacts are not to be given loose rein. They are to be carried out according to need and reasonable interaction. Contacting men, no Muslim woman is allowed to forget about her nature or her role as a woman and instructor of all Muslim generations.
Jazak Allahu khyre for this thoughful reply sister, the registration ceremony usually takes place in the local town hall where a limited amount of guests are allowed ...i think like 5-10 people the bride and groom sign the marriage legal contract the guests take a seat and watch the ceremony which lasts about 20/30 mins then they all go to the party....If i do go I'll only attend the ceremony off course I'll be with my husband
Will alcohol be served? Personally I wouldn't want to attend a wedding where alcohol is present. Reason being....is that EVEN though you don't drink alcohol yourself...you are still in the presence of alcohol...which means you don't have a problem with the whole concept of alcohol being haraam - in other words.. you are not taking your religion seriously. See what I mean?
I'm not referring to you...just speaking in general.
There wont be alcohol served at the registering cermony if that was the case I'd know what I'd be doing....lol and I do understand what you mean if anyone doesnt do Haram but they're there while others are doing Haram then the question of taking religion seriously should be considered
but i dont know if I'm doing Haram by attending there to support her while she is going against her parents ....i know it should be none of my concern but it has become my concern.....
Thats cool then just go for the registration. Better than not turning up, make your mate happy
yasmin20
10-05-08, 07:31 PM
i dont want to make anyone happy while doing the wrong thing do you get me....
i dont want to make anyone happy while doing the wrong thing do you get me....
Nah dont get you
yasmin20
10-05-08, 08:35 PM
Nah dont get you
it's okay brother dont worry about it....
it's okay brother dont worry about it....
LOL just messing around
i dont want to make anyone happy while doing the wrong thing do you get me....
lol i get you, why dont u just commit yourself to sumthing else on that day and tell ur freind u cant make it bcuz of a prior engagment cuz it seems to me u dont really want to go, but u dont want it on ur concious either...:o
yasmin20
10-05-08, 09:41 PM
LOL just messing around
:embar::p
lol i get you, why dont u just commit yourself to sumthing else on that day and tell ur freind u cant make it bcuz of a prior engagment cuz it seems to me u dont really want to go, but u dont want it on ur concious either...:o
I dont know what I want to do to be honest lol
:embar::p
I dont know what I want to do to be honest lol
Just go woman! Atleast for the nikkah or registration...
Love&Peace
10-05-08, 09:48 PM
- Do you feel is it Islamically wrong for you to go to Non Muslim wedding? or
- Do you feel your friend is not making a correct move and you don't want to support her?
yasmin20
10-05-08, 10:05 PM
- Do you feel is it Islamically wrong for you to go to Non Muslim wedding? or
- Do you feel your friend is not making a correct move and you don't want to support her?
- I dont know if it's right or wrong
- i'm not judgemental at all about her decision she can marry who she wants, she's an adult and I would like to be there for her moral support because marriage is a big step for anyone regardless of their situation
- I dont know if it's right or wrong
- i'm not judgemental at all about her decision she can marry who she wants, she's an adult and I would like to be there for her moral support because marriage is a big step for anyone regardless of their situation
DUH! WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG! just go! have some munch
Love&Peace
10-05-08, 10:10 PM
- I dont know if it's right or wrong
- i'm not judgemental at all about her decision she can marry who she wants, she's an adult and I would like to be there for her moral support because marriage is a big step for anyone regardless of their situation
I think in that case you can atleast go for registration and give her moral support.
Pippin1376
10-05-08, 10:21 PM
- Do you feel is it Islamically wrong for you to go to Non Muslim wedding?
Just looking for clarification on this. Does anyone know if it is allowed? I thought it was okay as long as the wedding isn't going against the deen, but I don't know.
Just looking for clarification on this. Does anyone know if it is allowed? I thought it was okay as long as the wedding isn't going against the deen, but I don't know.
I have a few indian friends who's wedding I will be attending, but they respect me and a few muslim friends enough not to do anything that will affect islam, they are not like that...but if they (unintentionally) do I'd tell them its wrong. So if you see it like that I guess its ok to go, but then again im no scholar. Allah know best
If I were in your shoes, I'd most likely go. If she's my friend and I had doubts about her choice of spouse, then before the wedding I would want to have a serious talk with her to see if she really knows what she's letting herself in for and whether the decision to marry him is really wise or not?
yasmin20
11-05-08, 06:58 PM
She isnt very close to me so i dont feel im in any position to say anything to her about her choice... I'm more on go go side at the moment ...still trying to make up my mind
Redmist
11-05-08, 07:48 PM
Go damn it :p
and u say ur going with ur husband, so whats the problem. At least ull find out a bit about the guy shes marrying and so therfore will be better informed to advise her if you think his not the one for her.
yasmin20
11-05-08, 08:27 PM
LOL whattttt tell her on the dayyy of her wedding that the guy isnt the one for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
I think I've decided what I'm going to do finally! :hidban:
Redmist
11-05-08, 09:04 PM
LOL whattttt tell her on the dayyy of her wedding that the guy isnt the one for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
I think I've decided what I'm going to do finally! :hidban:
NO u silly plonker :p not tell her on the day of her wedding that the guy is not the right one for her.
But since and if u go you'll be better informed about the guy - what he looks like, how he behaves towards her, ull pick on a lot of gossip as well. Like if this guy is a loser and is just using her ull find out about it !
So ull be better informed if she calls you up a week later and asks you "Soooooo...........what do you think of my hubby?" to give a good answer to her, if you think his OK or you think his not right for her!
Get it? :p
yasmin20
11-05-08, 09:12 PM
NO u silly plonker :p not tell her on the day of her wedding that the guy is not the right one for her.
But since and if u go you'll be better informed about the guy - what he looks like, how he behaves towards her, ull pick on a lot of gossip as well. Like if this guy is a loser and is just using her ull find out about it !
So ull be better informed if she calls you up a week later and asks you "Soooooo...........what do you think of my hubby?" to give a good answer to her, if you think his OK or you think his not right for her!
Get it? :p
oi dont call me a plonker!!!!!:spunch:
ok i get what you're saying now
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttt what i might think of her husband is irrelavant why would someone tell another person that 'oh your spouse isnt good enough fr you ' or whatever it is
my only motive is IF i go is to support the bride :o
Just go and support the bride, and dont get involved in gossip! thats what a lot of ppl do....GOSSIP! Its bad
Enigma Dreamer
11-05-08, 11:52 PM
Do Not Attend.
go for the food and drink then both of you quitely climb out the toilet window and drive home
Enigma Dreamer
12-05-08, 12:55 AM
Because that whole marriage is haram and it is a place of evil since they drink and do all that. Her own family deserted her and rightly so and she attends?
Because that whole marriage is haram and it is a place of evil since they drink and do all that. Her own family deserted her and rightly so and she attends?
It doesn't matter to her what the girl has done to get married...If they drink there and do all sorts then she should just go to the registration, im sure your mate will understand!
Enigma Dreamer
12-05-08, 01:20 AM
No need for doing that even IMO.
Allahu alam, but if it was me i wouldnt go just because of the free mixing and whole atmosphere of such a place if there is any religious aspect to it then thats another reason not to go. u said she is a hindu, and considering her family are unhappy with this, (and how they can feel about muslims in general) are they going to try & and lay some blame with u who has known her since childhood for not telling them whats going on, and then you will be a party to this deception she is doing to her family, and considering u maybe going alone ( ? ) wa Allahu alam.. and ur current condition masha Allah which means no stress... i really would steer well clear of the whole thing.
Lol I considered eloping seriously once.
No need for doing that even IMO.
Its a mate thing...no matter what we say she has made up her mind anyway and is going...WHICH IS A GOOD CHOICE!
Lol I considered eloping seriously once.
You lucky git!
yasmin20
12-05-08, 12:45 PM
go for the food and drink then both of you quitely climb out the toilet window and drive home
:rotfl:
Because that whole marriage is haram and it is a place of evil since they drink and do all that. Her own family deserted her and rightly so and she attends?
thats what I'm thinking i cant make up my mind
Allahu alam, but if it was me i wouldnt go just because of the free mixing and whole atmosphere of such a place if there is any religious aspect to it then thats another reason not to go. u said she is a hindu, and considering her family are unhappy with this, (and how they can feel about muslims in general) are they going to try & and lay some blame with u who has known her since childhood for not telling them whats going on, and then you will be a party to this deception she is doing to her family, and considering u maybe going alone ( ? ) wa Allahu alam.. and ur current condition masha Allah which means no stress... i really would steer well clear of the whole thing.
If i go my husband will be with me I wouldnt go on my own , I'm not very close to her we were high school friends we speak once in a blue moon I dont know her parents well enough I'm still finding myself in a very awkward position I really dont know what do to....I havent even spoken to my husband about it LOL first i thought I'd make up my mind then ask him what he thinks...
Lol I considered eloping seriously once.
You did....:rubeyes:
what made you stop (sorry for being nosy just curious)
By the way brother Mujib I havent made my mind up I dont knw if I'm going yet still debating within my self
Thats good..go then, with your husband, that way no random dude will come and talk to you!
You did....:rubeyes:
what made you stop (sorry for being nosy just curious)
By the way brother Mujib I havent made my mind up I dont knw if I'm going yet still debating within my self
We'd have cause damage within our families we'd never heal, I didn't want to be resented by her family too but obviously to get married you need the Walli and that meant it wouldn't be a secret anymore. It's not possible to do this in Islam, maybe in Hollywood movies. Allahu 'Aalim, things worked out best for us.
scribble
12-05-08, 01:17 PM
Whoops.
yasmin20
13-05-08, 07:55 PM
We'd have cause damage within our families we'd never heal, I didn't want to be resented by her family too but obviously to get married you need the Walli and that meant it wouldn't be a secret anymore. It's not possible to do this in Islam, maybe in Hollywood movies. Allahu 'Aalim, things worked out best for us.
Allah swt is the best Planner, like you said things worked out for the best
Always put trust in ALLAH SWT
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