How to forget someone:(

[Too sad:(]

Ass-laamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh to ummah people

How can you forget someone whom you love too much and not loving you back?
How can you forget someone who dosent want to be with you?
How can you forget someone who is not respecting you like he use to?
Is love sickness?
Is love for weak people?

I am having marriage problem and hurting too much, crying all day and night sometimes tears comes whit out even realising, sleep is history in my case and also eating. Hardly i go to my job and do daily stuff. I dont know how can or how will i gonna survive, cos i am seeing i am falling apart and suffering tooo much.
Thinking and thinking how can this happen to me wich is not fair, but doing it anyway.
I am in state where i can say i am too weak cos normally i am very strong person and when i see my self in this in position that make me more upset then i was before cos thinking in that way makes me feel more saddness then i was before. Simple seeing my weakness is making me to cry more. I am asking you ummah to make a Du´aa for me inshAllah
JazakAllah khair
Peace pe upon you

Ur sister in Islam Sara.

[seven]

I think it was Umar [ra] who once said "do not remember people for it will only sadden the heart. remember Allah and he will put peace in to your heart" and from this basis, you should move forward. leave the past in the past, and concentrate on what's to come inshaAllah.

[Chained_Water]

:( ..may Allah swt help ease your pain and make a way out of this state for you.

[stephenoskie]

Just try to occupy your mind, and you must eat it is very important that you eat as it will serisusly hurt you in later life.

im sorry Im not of that much help, but just have patience and please remember that every thing happens for a reason. Trust Allah :love:

[RaNdOm]

:wswrwb:

noooooooo u can't do this to urself... u know u ARE strong don't let ur weaknesses overcome u

u know what i do, like moments where i'm feeling proper strong alhamdulillah like in everything i write erm little post its that u know like can motivate me to be stronger when im feelin weaker... cos like you know it's from you and you know you DO have the strength inside you... its jst when u feel weak it all becomes clouded over and your trying to bring the strength out but you dont know which way to pull cos the weakness surrounds you...

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying we believe and they will not be tested? But, we did test those before them and God will certainly know those who are true from those who are false." [Qur'an 29:1]

but u said u ARE strong, and we HAVE to be strong in this life as all it is is a test... everything that's happening to u now is a test... try and detach urself from the situation... like ur viewing it through glass or sumt.. cos really it aint real... just sumt u gotta go through to see if u increase or decrease in ur imaan.

remind urself that this moment is gonna pass away so quickly, cos thats all life is... lots of moments... and then after that ur gonna be held accountable, DON'T give up... be strong like u can be..

Say: "My Lord knoweth (every) word (spoken) in the heavens and on earth: He is the One that heareth and knoweth (all things)." [21:4]

If it hurts and ur lost and confused, cry to Allah swt, believe in Him, Trust Him, know that He sees all and if u keep patient and keep trusting in Him, inshaAllah ur ease is JUST around the corner

Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. to Us must ye return. [21:35]

just imagine if the angel of death came to u this very second, would that pain and hurt play a part? wouldn't ur thoughts be directed to the amount of good u've done in this life?

He said, "Since You have willed that I go astray, I will skulk for them on Your straight path.

"I will come to them from before them, and from behind them, and from their right, and from their left, and You will find that most of them are unappreciative." [Quran 7:16-17]

dont EVER let the shaitaan trick u into u bein weak... cos u are SO strong and even the fact that u realise this problem and want to do sumt about it shows ur strength... shaitaans gonna come at u from ALL sides and try and break u down..but u gotta keep strong...

we all gotta keep our determination so high in the life and be determined to carry out our duty to Allah swt never giving up no matter what pain u feel... truly TRULY striving to please Him and giving up the falsities of this world and realising the true home of the Hereafter

...Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest [Ar-Ra'd 13:28]

use this as a time to check where you might be going wrong in your life, like are all your prayers as they should be? are you sinning? are you reading the Qur'an like you should be? reflect on your life to pick the weaknesses and then TURN them into strengths... know that only Allah swt can bring you out of this so place 100% trust in Him, keep your duty to Him and He will make a way out for u inshaAllah

...And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out,

And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion. [At-Talaq 65:2-3]

:love:

"The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses (this Qur'an) are recited unto them, they increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord (Alone)." [Al-Anfaal (8):2]

[Umm Haya]

AssalamuAlaykum

Been there (not the marriage bit). Done that. Got the scars.

You get over it when u realise nobody can help you 'cept Allah :Swt:

WassalamuAlaykum

[indasameboat]

sara man sis i've tried to forget someone i just can't more i try more it hurts me and yeh i dont wana let this person go from my heart unless someone else wins him. and that hant happened yet. well not that i no of. so yeh im hopin n livin a dream. he dunt even like the way i look dat much lolz i aint all dat u c trust me i no how it feels ima pathetic soul hangin on to nowt but allah no's why and how and dats it. that aint gona help u but itll show u uda ppl go thru this stuff u aint alone. trust allah and like random said ur ease is jus around the corner. even tho im still waitin for mine. good things come to those who wait?

[summer786]

wicked post random :D

i was gonna say if its unrequited forget it....but you're married :rubeyes:

just think of how different it will be in Paradise, will you even remember life in this world? No, not even if you try. So what's the point in worrying? Show that you're better than this, use your emotions to draw closer to the Creator. As your imaan increases you'll start to see how all these trials lessen when you put them in perspective, and inshAllah soon you'll be thanking Allah for the trial. Remember Allah only tests those He loves. :love:

[Getonrightpath]

sara man sis i've tried to forget someone i just can't more i try more it hurts me and yeh i dont wana let this person go from my heart unless someone else wins him. and that hant happened yet. well not that i no of. so yeh im hopin n livin a dream. he dunt even like the way i look dat much lolz i aint all dat u c trust me i no how it feels ima pathetic soul hangin on to nowt but allah no's why and how and dats it. that aint gona help u but itll show u uda ppl go thru this stuff u aint alone. trust allah and like random said ur ease is jus around the corner. even tho im still waitin for mine. good things come to those who wait?

This sister is married though...and what you're describing doesn't sound like you are married.

There is a HUGE difference. What you are feeling isn't even worth being upset or miserable for if you are not in a position to marry.

If you are in a position to marry then inshallah the correct steps should be taken (ie speaking to your mehram about it etc)

If you are not in a position to marry then you MUST move on...because if you are not ready to marry then whatever it is you're feeling isn't worth corrupting your deen and nafs/mind for. It also seems to sound like 'lust' and bad whispers from shaytaan about 'loving this guy' whome you're not married to.

So please try and move on in life- you need to focuz on your deen more than this guy and anything else which connects you to him (school/college/workplace/maybe a place online?) so anything that reminds you of him or that connects you to him..you must end it..you must erase it, forget about it and FOCUS on your deen inshallah. Otherwise shaytaan will continue to corrupt your mind with this filth and ideology of 'I will wait'

because we are told in Islam, NOT to delay the marriage. So if you're not even in a position to marry then please take my advice as above otherwise your life is going to continue in a downward spiral...

May Allah give you the strength to forget about any haraam feelings you may be having and give you the strength to stay on the right path always. Ameen

Zina is not only a physical action...but it is of the eyes also..the mouth (what you speak) and even your mind (what you might be thinking of this other person) and if in connection via internet..what you are typing in a flirtatious manner will also be under this category...and I am sure you know the severity of punnishment for such acts...


Get your head together and forget about this other person if you are not in a position to marry.

[Medievalist]

Its unclear what the issue is. Has your husband left you? Are you estranged? Has he died?

Different scenarios warrant a different response.

In general, assuming your husband is alive, you need to strive as much as possible to entice him back. Use whatever means it takes, dressing up, sweet-talking, apologising, cooking, cleaning whatever to bring him back and re-establish a peaceful home life.

If he's passed away, then at times of grief you can only recite Innaa lillahi wa innaaa ilayhi raaji'oon and ponder on its meaning. The other thing is - if you lose something you dont HAVE to forget it. Sometimes ALLAH Ta'ala gives us something amazing for a short while, and then takes it back. You dont have to forget it, but can remember it and make shukr for what little time you had with teh blessing :D:D :up:

[inadiffboat?]

This sister is married though...and what you're describing doesn't sound like you are married.

There is a HUGE difference. What you are feeling isn't even worth being upset or miserable for if you are not in a position to marry.

If you are in a position to marry then inshallah the correct steps should be taken (ie speaking to your mehram about it etc)

If you are not in a position to marry then you MUST move on...because if you are not ready to marry then whatever it is you're feeling isn't worth corrupting your deen and nafs/mind for. It also seems to sound like 'lust' and bad whispers from shaytaan about 'loving this guy' whome you're not married to.

So please try and move on in life- you need to focuz on your deen more than this guy and anything else which connects you to him (school/college/workplace/maybe a place online?) so anything that reminds you of him or that connects you to him..you must end it..you must erase it, forget about it and FOCUS on your deen inshallah. Otherwise shaytaan will continue to corrupt your mind with this filth and ideology of 'I will wait'

because we are told in Islam, NOT to delay the marriage. So if you're not even in a position to marry then please take my advice as above otherwise your life is going to continue in a downward spiral...

May Allah give you the strength to forget about any haraam feelings you may be having and give you the strength to stay on the right path always. Ameen

Zina is not only a physical action...but it is of the eyes also..the mouth (what you speak) and even your mind (what you might be thinking of this other person) and if in connection via internet..what you are typing in a flirtatious manner will also be under this category...and I am sure you know the severity of punnishment for such acts...


Get your head together and forget about this other person if you are not in a position to marry.

what if u dont have the means to get married YET so ur waitin and hes in da same boat as well? i no u dunt delay marriage but when niether of u can help the delay then wat? wat if the way u talk to him isnt flirtatious? u keep ur adaab and ur not in frequent contact anyway? or even no contact. uve not even expressd ne love or owt cos its jus so pure in dat sense u talk to the point and dats it. online based that is. and what about if ive tried to forget him and even considerd uda bros for marriage. but when i mek istikharah about them my mind and heart gives me positive feelings about dis bro not the 1 i consider! its hard to explain but if ne1 read our conversations they would see wat i mean. adn dats why i dont see whats wrong about waitin?

[Too sad:(]

Assalamu alaikum warahmatulah wabarakatuh

JazakALLAH khair to all of you who reply me,

Random i love you for the sake of ALLAH (swt), what u write was really awsome. It wake me and let me think of my self wich i forget long time ago.
Those who unrestand and are going trough situation like this undrestand me very well cos how ever you try to move forward something very strong feeling come behind you and stop you totally :( that is love and this crazy heart we have. But how ever i cant kill my feeling at once even i try so hard so i have to take day by day and live my life and take care of my self Alhamdulilah thats what i am realising now.

Mediavalist, No he didnt die he is alive and living his life happily. You say try to get him back, dressing well and cooking,cleanin,apologizing and sweet talks, thats what i did and still he is leaving me so what i am thinking now is that he dont love me cos if there is little feeling left in his heart for me then he will respond back to me but he is not so that tells me alot.

JazakALLAH all again for giving time to ur sister in Islam.

Peace pe upon you

Urs sister in Islam Sara

[plstakeadvice]

what if u dont have the means to get married YET so ur waitin and hes in da same boat as well? i no u dunt delay marriage but when niether of u can help the delay then wat? wat if the way u talk to him isnt flirtatious? u keep ur adaab and ur not in frequent contact anyway? or even no contact. uve not even expressd ne love or owt cos its jus so pure in dat sense u talk to the point and dats it. online based that is. and what about if ive tried to forget him and even considerd uda bros for marriage. but when i mek istikharah about them my mind and heart gives me positive feelings about dis bro not the 1 i consider! its hard to explain but if ne1 read our conversations they would see wat i mean. adn dats why i dont see whats wrong about waitin?

If You dont have the means to marry and you have feelings of desire/marriage for a person..then best advice is to not keep any contact with them at all...be it halaal or haraam. and worst thing is, when you are unable to accept what you are doing is wrong. For example it seems you think chatting online or something is ok...but...when you have feelings of desire for someone then chatting about regular things becomes haraam. IF you are giving naseeha, discussing islamic things...ok then fine...but still..if it's a person you KNOW your nafs is weak against because of feelings of desire then you should stay away from them, is this not obvious enough common sense?

By seeing them more often be it online or offline, it will only increase any desire you have and that is not allowed...because you're unable to make that desire halaal (marriage). so if you are not in a position to get married...then get on wth your life...and focu on your deen. and if it is in your fate for you to marry that person in the distant future then it will happen...but keeping in contact and talking to each other during aallllll that time is not allowed because at the end of the day no-one knows what is in our fate...he/she might pass away or get married to someone else or move away and forget about you. or YOU might pass away get married to someone else etc etc ...so how would it be...if you didn't end up marrying this person...and your spouse knew of strong desires for another man you had in the past...and he was able to see alll those conversations you had online etc

it isn't very nice is it? We don't know our fate...so we shouldnt try and plan it. Ok, find, you can place trust in Allah and 'wait' for him like you say...but in the mean time (dont know how long it is for you until you ARE able to marry) you should avoid contact with that person about personal matters or completely avoid any conversation, and focus on your life and your religion..

May Allah give you the strength to put these thoughts of desire away and focus on your life and religion. ameen.

There are these steps:

* acknowledgement (acknoledging that what you are doing is wrong or that you are unable to make your feelings halaal because you cant marry)

* acceptance (accepting the steps you need to take- completely forgetting about that person for time being, stopping all contacts, increasing your zikr and ibaadah)

* Moving on (once the above are done..you will be much happier and fulfilled in yourself and life...and inshallah maybe in the future Allah will allow the union of you and this other person)


I hope you have read what I have had to say with an open mind...and not biased opinions of what you already think is right or wrong because at some point in our live we all do something wrong that we thing is right...and it takes open-mindedness for us to realise that mistake so then we can REPENT for our mistakes and Allah will help us back on the straight path :up:

[sometips4u]

what if u dont have the means to get married YET so ur waitin and hes in da same boat as well? i no u dunt delay marriage but when niether of u can help the delay then wat? wat if the way u talk to him isnt flirtatious? u keep ur adaab and ur not in frequent contact anyway? or even no contact. uve not even expressd ne love or owt cos its jus so pure in dat sense u talk to the point and dats it. online based that is. and what about if ive tried to forget him and even considerd uda bros for marriage. but when i mek istikharah about them my mind and heart gives me positive feelings about dis bro not the 1 i consider! its hard to explain but if ne1 read our conversations they would see wat i mean. adn dats why i dont see whats wrong about waitin?


This is taken from the 'sad' thread in the forum. I think it relates to your situation quite well. Sorry if I'm wrong...

================================================== ==============

Some cures for ardent, unbridled love

1) Strive to improve your worship - by being more sincere - and invoke Allah to cure you.

2) Lower your gaze

"And protect their chastity [i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts ect.] (24:30)

3) Travel away from the object of your passion.

4) Keep yourself busy by doing good deeds.

"Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on us with hope and fear..." (21:90)

5) Marry lawfully, i.e. in accordance with the Shariah

"...then marry women of your choice" (4:3)

"And among His sings is this: that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them..." (30:21)

Hope that helps! :)

[-Espérer-]

You know... I know this is going to sound extremely cliched... But time will make things better.

I know someone whose husband loved her less and less everyday, till he decided to leave her for another woman. And yes, it hurt this girl alot, it hurts, I promise you in the begining there will not be a day that goes by that will not hurt so bad.. But time heals wounds. Your wound may leave a scar, yes, you wont forget this, but the pain will ease. It's not been long since this sister I know got divorced but her heart is feeling a little better, as everyday goes by, live life as it comes. And cry, cry it all out. It helps. :) Just keep doing things you love doing, if a man does not love you back the way you love him, then ask yourself, is it worth the pain? Are you not better off without him?

Things WILL get better, insha Allah. Just keep yourself busy doing stuff.

[-Espérer-]

Oh and DONT EVER FEEL LIKE A VICTIM. You are NOT a victim. Stay strong. :)

[angel*]

Im really sorry for what your going through sis, randy's post was :up: you are strong and iA with every hardship there is ease, so hang in there, iA everything will itself out bcuz everything happenes for a reason, Everything we go through in life is a test, a test that in the end iA ends up making us stronger, wiser, better people.

[onadiffboat]

If You dont have the means to marry and you have feelings of desire/marriage for a person..then best advice is to not keep any contact with them at all...be it halaal or haraam. and worst thing is, when you are unable to accept what you are doing is wrong. For example it seems you think chatting online or something is ok...but...when you have feelings of desire for someone then chatting about regular things becomes haraam. IF you are giving naseeha, discussing islamic things...ok then fine...but still..if it's a person you KNOW your nafs is weak against because of feelings of desire then you should stay away from them, is this not obvious enough common sense?

By seeing them more often be it online or offline, it will only increase any desire you have and that is not allowed...because you're unable to make that desire halaal (marriage). so if you are not in a position to get married...then get on wth your life...and focu on your deen. and if it is in your fate for you to marry that person in the distant future then it will happen...but keeping in contact and talking to each other during aallllll that time is not allowed because at the end of the day no-one knows what is in our fate...he/she might pass away or get married to someone else or move away and forget about you. or YOU might pass away get married to someone else etc etc ...so how would it be...if you didn't end up marrying this person...and your spouse knew of strong desires for another man you had in the past...and he was able to see alll those conversations you had online etc

it isn't very nice is it? We don't know our fate...so we shouldnt try and plan it. Ok, find, you can place trust in Allah and 'wait' for him like you say...but in the mean time (dont know how long it is for you until you ARE able to marry) you should avoid contact with that person about personal matters or completely avoid any conversation, and focus on your life and your religion..

May Allah give you the strength to put these thoughts of desire away and focus on your life and religion. ameen.

There are these steps:

* acknowledgement (acknoledging that what you are doing is wrong or that you are unable to make your feelings halaal because you cant marry)

* acceptance (accepting the steps you need to take- completely forgetting about that person for time being, stopping all contacts, increasing your zikr and ibaadah)

* Moving on (once the above are done..you will be much happier and fulfilled in yourself and life...and inshallah maybe in the future Allah will allow the union of you and this other person)


I hope you have read what I have had to say with an open mind...and not biased opinions of what you already think is right or wrong because at some point in our live we all do something wrong that we thing is right...and it takes open-mindedness for us to realise that mistake so then we can REPENT for our mistakes and Allah will help us back on the straight path :up:

u have opned my heart and eyes to see tings differently i dont know hu u are but may allah reward u 4 ur help and naseeha. i geuss i have to end it all then. but for me to truly end and leave all tht is potentially harmful i'm gonna have to leave this place to which is hrd, tried so many times but i kip cumin bak. this forum strted this all in my life and now i'm stuck in it. i love da sistas here and dont want to leave. but for me to 4get him n truly move on i have to. how do i go about doin dat? i hate my life. and i hate wantin things like this. may seem legit but it aint and u reminded me of that fact. : (

[Anikaa]

Keep this in mind:

Rememberance of the people is a disease and the rememberance of Allah is a cure. How strange is it, that people hasten to the disease, rather than the CURE?!

[Dontworry]

u have opned my heart and eyes to see tings differently i dont know hu u are but may allah reward u 4 ur help and naseeha. i geuss i have to end it all then. but for me to truly end and leave all tht is potentially harmful i'm gonna have to leave this place to which is hrd, tried so many times but i kip cumin bak. this forum strted this all in my life and now i'm stuck in it. i love da sistas here and dont want to leave. but for me to 4get him n truly move on i have to. how do i go about doin dat? i hate my life. and i hate wantin things like this. may seem legit but it aint and u reminded me of that fact. : (

:) You are frowning yet I am smiling, this is because I believe you have fulfilled the FIRST step I spoke of- acceptance.

Mashallah this is a great achievement for you!! and you should be happy because you have made an effort to correct your ways :)

I have to agree, this forum is a fantastic tool to increase our islamic knowledge and wisdom and it would be a huge loss in your life..especially if you are at a vulnerable age where you are exposed to western peer pressure/media and myb you have misconcptions about Islam...this forum is definitely the place to eradicate any miconceptions and help us realise that being a muslim by the islamic code can be pleasant and enjoyable in this dunya...and even better in Janah (inshallah).

How do you go on about it then?

well those 3 steps like I mentioned...but..you know it is all up to you, it is your choice how strong you want to make your imaan and nafs...make dua...plenty of dua to Allah to help you become stronger in your mind and heart, to keep you safe from haraam things (speciically those which you are currently doing/have done).

I think...maybe a few months or a year...depending on how much you develop in your islamic character...leave the forum...and focus entirely on your education/family life/religion...and come back as a strongER, MATURE and RESPONSIBLE muslim...one who is able to see temptation with a straight face and not want it....one whose deen is soo strong and taqwa (fear of Allah) is soo great that when she sees those haraam temptations...she will think of Jahannum...she will think of Fearing Allah...and she will NOT want that temptation..for she will think 'Allah will have something better planned for me in the future...and most definitely if I avoid such haraam deeds...in jannah'

So really I think all these mistakes you have made have happened for a reason...they are an oppertunity for you to develop yourself as a better muslim...like the prophet saw used to do, turn your PROBLEMS into SOLUTIONS!!! Take this as an oppertunity to pick yourself up and get on the right path!

You have faced this problem and acknowledged it...now accept it...and move on :up:

I will keep you in my duas sis...make sincere repentance to Allah esp after Fajr and maghrib prayers, and ask for Allah to increase your knowledge, wisdom and deen. To make you a stronger, well rounded muslim character...one who has Taqwa...

and if there are people you can confide in...then ask them to make dua for you too..never underestimate the power of dua!!

I think this story will be of great relevance to you..even though I know youre not able to marry yet...but just look at the Taqwa (fear) that the individual in the story posessed..

The Student in The Mosque-http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=89214

[alternative]

u have opned my heart and eyes to see tings differently i dont know hu u are but may allah reward u 4 ur help and naseeha. i geuss i have to end it all then. but for me to truly end and leave all tht is potentially harmful i'm gonna have to leave this place to which is hrd, tried so many times but i kip cumin bak. this forum strted this all in my life and now i'm stuck in it. i love da sistas here and dont want to leave. but for me to 4get him n truly move on i have to. how do i go about doin dat? i hate my life. and i hate wantin things like this. may seem legit but it aint and u reminded me of that fact. : (

In response to the previous post about completely getting off ummah etc

IF you develop in your character and become a stronger person in shorter amount of time...or even if you feel NOW that You can do this:

- Come on the forum...to read the posts only?

OR

- Make a new user account that the other person doesn't know and keep minimal in WHAT you say and HOW you say it. So, just read other posts more, but if you have a query then ask it in a way that if someone read it...they wont be able to recognise that it is you...ie the other person involved...

Be anonymous...I know a few people who have done this and you definitely have more than a good reason for it! It will allow you to remain on ummah but also prevent you from creating fitnah with this other person because he wont know it's you

BUT more importantly...you can't get all weak and ':(' 'missing him' everytime you see him posting etc so I think the advice before about ONLY COMING back when you have MATURED in your character...is very important...

so only you know when you are ready for this...ready to come back on ummah...like what that other post said about facing temptation and not even wanting it etc

Hope that helps abit more..just trying to give more views

I think you should have made a thread of your own, kind of hijacked this one..sorry original poster..