please need help in this situation

[shaz_123]

i have known sum1 for over 3years and we both want to get married after my degree, at 1st i was confused and had many doubts so i did istikhara and a few days later the guy sed he wants to marry me and told his parents.
his parents want him to get married this year but when he told his parents about me however they wanted me 2 tell my parents den meet them. i told my parents the truth and told them to sort the rishta out now and do the wedding later. my parents refused my mum wanted me to get married in the same caste but my dad sed its best to leave the situation n when the time comes we will sort it, i understand wat they are sayin n it is true but u c his parents need a yes or no answer and if anything is not going to happen they going to get him married in pakistan which he doesnt want. i jus want my parents to tell their parents to wait but they refused no they dont nufin to do with his family.
im really upset and dnt no wat to do, my family r not gona giv his family an answer n his family gona get him married off pakistan which he doesnt want. please help, thank you (sorry for the long story)

[muslimma]

sista you have told your family about the limited time he has also?

if you have and they dont want anything to do with him then enshalah you may just have to wait and be patient...:love:

[fen]

just tell your parents you like him and u want to marry him and he wants to marry you too and the answer is important now or else he will be with someone else and that will break your heart forever.

tell the guy to meet your parents, so at least they know what theyre dealing with before they say yes or no.

*sigh* so much of this love tuv stuff :rolleyes:

pray istikhara again.

[shaz_123]

ive told my family dat me and the guy like each other and both wana get married, i have told them that his parents are happy to meet the family, bt my family are not accepting this, i jus need them 2 give them an answer bt they seem nt to give them nethin, im stressin out alot, ii no it was a limted time this is because we both wasnt to sure, ive done istikhara twice, my mum n bro are sayin no bt my dad said to wait bt the guys family need an answer b4 they go pakistan, the guy wants to come to my house n talk 2 my dad himself n i am jus afraid of my brother coz he may kick off with him, my parents had love marriage, my bro is gettin married his own choice bt both are within the same caste, the guys family is out of the caste bt he comes from a really gud background, ive met his bros and sister and they are fine wid me, i dnt understand y is my family being like this

[Fen.]

cant u just explain to your brother that u both like each other and he treats you well.

brothers tend to be nicer to guys when they know he is treater his sister well. let him know that he makes u happy. be sappy. it'll soften him up like butter in a microwave.

as for your mom... love marriage eh? well, why dont u two take a trip down memory lane.

whatever you do, dont be rude or show anger/disrespect to your parents, they wont appreciate that and they might end up thinking that he is having that influence on you to behave that way. so be patient.

[shaz_123]

i told my family that i will b happy wid him and they are not listening, they said it will bring shame in family if i got married out of family, i told my family i do not want to marry anyone else i rather live alone for life bt they still dont understand, i told my dad to get to know his dad, y cnt we bring his family to our house. my mum has put bad thingss in my bro head n this is y he is acting lik dis he called me selfish n i havnt thought about the family, this is why i told the family 1st, so they can get to no each other before we get married. my bro is not understanding and sed they are not allowed to cum to our house both mum n my bro said they will kick them out. ive got less than 3weeks to sort this, ive tried talkin to my dad alone bt my mum n bro eardropped and kickd off wid me n said im not allowed to talk about them again. they havnt given them a chance they jus judged them without knowing them or seeing them. i do love my family but the way they are acting i wana b away from them

[SmellTheRoses]

erm.. i dont mean to be rude.. but what kind of a man is he, if his family can FORCE him to marry someone he doesnt want?

:scratch:

[Genghis]

i told my family that i will b happy wid him and they are not listening, they said it will bring shame in family if i got married out of family, i told my family i do not want to marry anyone else i rather live alone for life bt they still dont understand, i told my dad to get to know his dad, y cnt we bring his family to our house. my mum has put bad thingss in my bro head n this is y he is acting lik dis he called me selfish n i havnt thought about the family, this is why i told the family 1st, so they can get to no each other before we get married. my bro is not understanding and sed they are not allowed to cum to our house both mum n my bro said they will kick them out. ive got less than 3weeks to sort this, ive tried talkin to my dad alone bt my mum n bro eardropped and kickd off wid me n said im not allowed to talk about them again. they havnt given them a chance they jus judged them without knowing them or seeing them. i do love my family but the way they are acting i wana b away from them

Sister lol... your family is suffering from a badcase of T.P. syndrome.. what I mean is trust me I've seen my mates family's in this situation etc..

Are your parents pakistani?.. if they are this means they are verrrry cultural.. they want you to get married to someone from your close family "cousins" or someone from their village.. the arguements are the beginning if worst comes to worst your mum may use blackmail.. typical funny examples;

* If you dont marry so and so I will put my head in the oven
* You will bring shame to our family and heritage
* Im going to put myself on fire if you dont marry so and so

the list could go on forever.. I know your in a very awkward position.. you must be verrrry angry with your mum and bro.. no offense but your bro should be supporting you.. your mum is being verrrry bad here she isnt looking at your feelings.. what you want.., your mum is looking at her family's so called "status" and what she wants.... My Mum and Dad are pure typical Pakistani cultural people..

I await your reply to see what the situation is currently..,

Inshallah Allah will assist you and help you :up:

[shaz_123]

mahshallah he is a gud guycums from a gud family, they are very close loving family, he works wid his dad in a family business, the situation is wid him is that his mum is the only woman in the house who is looking after 5 men, n she is getting old n this is why his family wants him to get married, his family are fine about me and r willing to meet my family, but if we cnt get married den he has no choice bt 2 get married in pakistan which he does not want bt he needs to think about his family. i jus told my family 2 giv an answer to them which they will wait if my parents say yes and inshallah get married after my degree which is nxt year bt my family are not agreeing at all. my brother is starting 2 b violent to me and nt understanding.

[Genghis]

mahshallah he is a gud guycums from a gud family, they are very close loving family, he works wid his dad in a family business, the situation is wid him is that his mum is the only woman in the house who is looking after 5 men, n she is getting old n this is why his family wants him to get married, his family are fine about me and r willing to meet my family, but if we cnt get married den he has no choice bt 2 get married in pakistan which he does not want bt he needs to think about his family. i jus told my family 2 giv an answer to them which they will wait if my parents say yes and inshallah get married after my degree which is nxt year bt my family are not agreeing at all. my brother is starting 2 b violent to me and nt understanding.

Violent!!?

Please do not tell me he is actually hitting you...

^^ Actually that wont come as a surprise..

But if he is, Shame on him... a man hitting a female is totally wrong its messed up,

Sister inshallah for now pray and ask allah to please help you out in this rough time.. I wish there was more I or someone on this forum could do..

My Dua's are with you :coolbro: