I am in mesery and I need your help

[sad_guy]

Hi,

First of all I am so happy to have found this forum. I am a Moslem guy from Canada. My story is long but I will talk only about my immediate problem. I am an engineer with great career and managed to prove myself in Canada although I am an immigrant. I failed in my first marriage and went through a painful divorce and sever depression that lasted four painful years. Imagine all these problems plus worrying about my family which are in a war zone back home in the middle east. few months ago I suffered a new a sever depression episode which made me quit my high paying job and run back home to family although it was not safe at all but I had to do otherwise I would have died alone in Canada. I went home and my family tried to help me so they convinced me to get married hoping this would help me. I got engaged to a girl I only saw for five times. The problem is when I returned to Canada I felt that I made a mistake and I am going to hurt this girl because I don't love her but the problem is that she started to love me so much and this is giving me a lot of guilt. I don't want o risk it and fail again in my second marriage (btw my first wife was from my country too). I am in pain and I can't concentrate to find work and start living again. It hurts me to hurt people . leaving this girl would cause her a lot of pain . We did "qeran" which means she is my wife but only on paper.

Help brothers and sisters. I don't know what to do :(

[`asiya]

:salams im sorry to hear of your difficulties, it is extremely hard for a muslim to move to another land with no family or freinds to support them, im sure the best thing for you to do was to go home and see your family again alhamdulillah, may Allah ta ala bring u an ease and protect ur family and the muslims in your homeland amin. u know sometimes with marriage it just doesnt work out, because the people are not compatible, u cant be hard on yourself about that. in life we learn from our mistake we ask Allah to forgive us for our shortcomings and we try to correct our faults, and we shouldnt have regrets or say what if ..... as the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam told us

"do not say "If only I had done such and such" but say, "Allaah has decreed (this) and He does whatever He wills". Indeed saying "if.." opens up the doorway of Shaytaan's handiwork." (Muslim)

im sorry but i dont know what qeran means, u say its a marriage but only on paper ? did u do nikkah where the womans walli and two witnesses come, and the walli marries you to this woman ? or is it a marriage in the law of the land ? or is it some kind of local "engagment" custom where you agreed to marry her in the future. In islam you are not married until the nikkah is done, and tobe honest with you it is better for you and much better for this woman that if you feel you cannot be a good husband to her, and you have no feeling for her as a wife, that you tell her walli now that you cannot continue with this it will be better to do this in the beggining than to live with her and do her an injustice as your wife before Almighty Allah, be brave and do it sooner not later, there is nothing wrong with breaking an agreement to marry akhi, and even if you have married in some way, then divorce is better for a woman who is not loved or wanted by her husband people often say divorce is hated by Allah but this is not true it is not sahih hadith, and we have a whole surah in the Quran telling us how to deal with this situation.even amongst the sahabba sometimes marriages didnt work out and they divorced even zainab the wife of the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam was divorced there is no shame in it at all.

be brave akhi and trust in Allah, having this situation with this marriage situation, hanging over you will not help with your depression, you have to try and correct what is not right in your life, often depression is there because we feel so helpless and we dont know how to move forward and yes we trust in Allah ta ala but we dont always know what to do to make things right and to help others who we see suffering, and it must be a terrible burden on you to know your families situation but insha Allah you can help them by working hard and helping them financially make it your intention everyday when you go to work to do it for the sake of Allah , Allah will reward you so much insha Allah it will lift your mood too.

There is a good duaa you can say everyday i will post it at the end here insha Allah, please try to read it all the time, and always seek refuge in Allah from shaitan in your day, and before u sleep recite ayat al kursi, and always surah falaq, surah nass,& surah iklass. you can do this on your way to work, or n the office or at anytime u feel low insha Allah. depression can also be a test for some people akhi, some people struggle alone their whole live with such things and it is their trust and belief in almighty Allah that keeps them going alhamdulillah. also get a user name and join the forum here please insha Allah ( you dont have to tell us it was you who posted in the annonmous section its ok it is your private buisness and you can keep it that way if you want to ) having the company of muslims, even if it is on the net will help you too, some muslims live in very isolated places and the internet and forums like these can be the only contact they have with muslims, we have good brothers here from canada insha Allah they can advise you of good masjids to attend in your area or close to it .

most of all dont feel that you are totally alone know that Allah ta ala is closer to you than your own jugular vein, by His knowledge Allah knows every single pain you feel, often no human can know how you are feeling even when you explain because they do not know the tremendous sufferings that people go through, and they cannot understand because they havent been through that level of difficulties in their own lives. br strong and never give up. it is shaitans pleasure to see the beleivers suffer, but know that with all that you are suffering Allah knows better than anyone the pain you feel and you will be rewarded for it alhamdulillah.

Narrated 'Aisha:Allah's Apostle said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn"sahih al bukhari

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The example of a believer is that of a fresh tender plant; from whatever direction the wind comes, it bends it, but when the wind becomes quiet, it becomes straight again. Similarly, a believer is afflicted with calamities (but he remains patient till Allah removes his difficulties.) And an impious wicked person is like a pine tree which keeps hard and straight till Allah cuts (breaks) it down when He wishes."sahih al bukhari

have sabr akhi, and all will be well for u insha Allah on the day of judgement , fi amaanAllah :salams

[`asiya]

5112

Du’aa’s to remove depression

Question:
Are there any duas to remove my deppresion?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

“La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”

And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

“Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”

It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’

- but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=5112&ln=eng

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Can Muslims be affected by psychological problems?

Question:
Is it possible for a Muslim to be afflicted with psychological problems? (Because some people say that a Muslim cannot be affected by psychological problems).

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly man may be afflicted with psychological problems such as worries about the future and grief over the past. Psychological problems affect the body more than physical problems do. We should know that the worries and distress that affect a person are among the things that expiate his sins and reduce the burden of sin; if he is patient and seeks reward with Allaah, he will be rewarded for that.

Treating these problems in the ways prescribed in Islam is more effective than treating them with physical medicine, as is well known.

One of the treatments prescribed in Islam is to recite the du’aa’s narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to relieve worries and distress, for example, the saheeh hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana al-‘Azeema rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Holy Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief.” This is one of the remedies prescribed in sharee’ah. One may also say: “Laa ilaaha illa anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (There is no god but You, glorified (and exalted) are You, truly I have been of the wrongdoers).” [cf. al-Anbiya’ 21:87]

Another form of treatment is ruqya with which a person may treat himself – which is better. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do ruqyah for himself by reciting al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two soorahs of the Qur’aan) when he went to sleep, then he would wipe his face and whatever he could of his body. Or a person may go to someone whose religious commitment he trusts to do ruqyah for him.

If he wants to know more, he can refer to what the scholars have written about du’aa’ such as al-Waabil al-Sayyib by Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam, al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi, and Zaad al-Ma’aad by Ibn al-Qayyim.

From the fatwas of al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Kitaab Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 4, p. 465-467.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=21843&ln=eng

[Emani]

I am sorry I can't offer you much advice because I am not someone who can relate to your situation, but I am sure there are many on this website who can help you to give you advice. Try to have patience and ask Allah for help, too. All I offer to you are my thoughts and prayers - I can see how much you are struggling, and I just pray for you that you will find your answers, insha'allah. May Allah be with you...

[PiElle2]

i dun see why you should be in misery since someone is loving you so much. obviously your ex-wife did not love you enough hence you got divorced and that made you depressed...

so what is it? you are misery because you dun love this woman...? or you are depressed because the some one dun love you....? which is which and which situation would you rather be in...?

you are a strange person, that's what making you miserable... not other people... turn to Allah and try to understanding the meaning of love and you dun have to be feel miserable ever again, inshallah...

[fendi]

maybe you should give your new wife a chance.

who knows, her love for you might change your feelings about her.

[sad_guy]

thank you all for trying to help