Struggle

[My struggle]

I am starting this thread to get some clarification for myself, and would appreciate a non-judgmental attitude and I believe everyone of us have issues, big or small. To make long story short, I have been through quite a few trials and these trials have made me bitter and resentful. I went through these trials believing that after every trial there is relief but seems like the relief never comes. Life has become a vicious circle. Just to illustrate how my life has been for long long time, I met a friend after 5yrs recently and he asked 'what's new' and I couldn’t think of a single thing to tell him.
I am 29 and I have been looking to get married for 5-6 yrs without any success. I consider myself a decent guy, never was in to chasing girls, drinking, clubbing and taking any drugs. Rather a straight forward, honest, loyal and very hardworking guy. Now I see ppl around me who i know were used to do all the bad stuff having decent lives, and getting married and it just hurts. It is not that I can't get married but i just don't want to marry anyone. I want to marry a person who i feel connection with, physical attraction..etc. I kow that I am getting older and my chances of finding the girl that I want are become slimer and slimer. The thing is 5yrs ago i was in love with this girl and thing happened and i had to let her go believing that God had a better plan for me and He will help me. Now it feels there is no plan, and it was cruel joke. I feel betrayed…
Now i have hard time trusting God, have hard time believing that anything good will befall me. Sometimes it feels like there is a force acting against me. I don’t nessorry believe in black magic outside the context of islam but sometimes I just wonder why so many weird issues and problems happen. Always obstacles in everything i do from little to big. Sometimes it feels like God is making fun of me rather then helping me. My biggest problem is that i tend to get angry at God, I disrespect and i say that all is just bulls***. I hate the feeling of being not free. Sometimes I hate being good. Sometimes i wish i could just be like other ppl do whatever i want and don't give a f*** about religion, and other ppls feelings. But i calm down and realize that I am not like that, and it is not my nature. I get confused as to what to do, because no matter what i do nothing changes, i pray, I ask for help but i see nothing. I ask God to give me something to hold on to, make it a little easy for me so i can rebuild myself. I feel stuck, I beleive in God but don't trust him, and don't have the courage and the patience to be patient and start the whole long f****in process again.
It is a constant struggle, and a battle that I have to fight every single day.
The ony good thing that has come out of my trials is that I came closer to God in some ways (ironic isn’t it) and have more understanding of islam. If someone says something against God or Islam I can defend it pretty well with sound logic and arguments, and with passion.

[Unregistered77]

I know of a couple of people in a similar situation to you.

MashAllah that it has given you a greater of understanding of Islam...please try and be patient (I know it's easy to say), but maybe that person that you want to marry will come when you least expect it. There is no point in getting angry or frustrated, it just causes more pain. No matter how hard we try we only ever get what is meant to reach us. Some people get married early to the person of their 'dreams' yet find married life hard or they may have other problems. Some people may have such severe problems in their marriages it leaves them scarred.

Life is a test for the believer, look towards Jannah and everything will be perfect there.
It's hard when you don't get what you want and in some cases what you need, but there is a reason behind it, something greater. Just accept your situation, put your head down in sujud to Allah (swt) and thank him for all you have and ask him for what you need by being conscious of how helpless and needy we really are. Read and listen to Quran regularly and pray tahajjud and ask Allah in those hours to help you deal with your situation and give you what is best for you wherever it may be (just do what you have to do and leave the outcome to Allah).

Keep striving and may Allah ease your affairs, ameen.

[PRANA]

Hmm I kind of know what you mean and can relate to some of the things that you're saying and also know someone who thinks like you I think..
I honestly don't know what to advice you as you probably already know "all the right ways to look at things" and the "good advice".
I think the most important thing is to think optimistic and think that anything is possible and put your trust in Allah (swt) as he is created you with a purpose and has a plan for you.
Don't give in to your fears and don't let society's unwritten rules dictate your life
Everything has its time-when the time is right for YOU as an individual
We were not created with the purpose to grow up get married and get children
We were created to worship God and we worship him by doing everything we do in life as an act of worship to him.
You can progress in other areas in life meanwhile and remember God tests his servants-be patient-never give up hope-good things come to those who wait
I don't know what else to say but have you ever thought that maybe all this waiting time is meant for you to improve yourself while you are waiting for God to send that right person your way?

I hope you find my comment useful.

May God keep you on the straight path and just take one day at a time bro-this world is not meant to last anyway.

Respect

[My struggle]

Thanks for the replies guys, you guys are right that the 'good advice' is what i already know, ie be patient, God has a plan for me... blah blah blah. But it is very hard when you are in that position, when you are always looking towards God and constantly being let down. When everything you do and just hope, wish and say to yourself that maybe this is my time, maybe this is a sign from God, but nothing happens except disappointment.

For some reason i encounter alot of little weird things, and obstacles in whatever i do... either small or big. For example, yesterday i went to play tennis with my nephew, and on the way got a speeding ticket (i wasn't speeding that much). Once i got there the tennis courts were locked so basically i came back with a ticket without doing anything. So i decided to bike ride a little, and guess what there is no air in the tires, so i find the pump after some struggle, and hook it up to the car, and guess what, the power outlet in the car doesn't work. Asked couple of neighbors and they don’t have a pump. So i was little sad, but to compound that my nephew tells me that there was a call from the tax department (apparently i have to pay 13K in taxes, don't ask me why). I was supposed to go out with a friend and he calls me at the last minute that he can't come. Least to say it wasn't a very pleasant day.

I realize those are very small things, but this is just an example. My bigger issues/problems are the same things, I mean if there is a possibility of something going wrong then it will. It is like i never get a break, never spared any inconvenience.

I would appreciate if someone could advice me as to what I should recite, do etc.

[dhakiyya]

Consider how much of what is happening is because of your own actions or lack of forethought. I'm not saying that it is, cause I only know as much as you told me of your situation, just that its something you should consider. You know the hadeeth: "trust in Allah but tie up your camel" - I think you should consider it, if someone doesn't bother to tie up their camel then asks Allah to protect it, why should Allah protect their camel if they didn't bother to tie it up?

For example, should someone ask/expect Allah to protect them from getting a speeding ticket then drive at 40mph in a 30 zone? You got a speeding ticket - how can you blame Allah for that? Allah gave you free will - the ability to choose how fast you drive - and you chose to drive too fast and got a speeding ticket.

As for the other things - did you check what time the tennis courts would be open before setting out? Do you put a lot of effort into bike maintenance, or did you leave your bike ignored in the shed for months and not check it? Now I wasn't there so I can't say whether you did these things or not or how much of any of it you could have prevented yourself, and certainly with my experience of inland revenue, you're probably paying heavily for someone elses mistake there... unless you're self employed and didnt' check your tax return forms carefully before sending them.

Some bad things that happen we have no control over, they are a test from Allah, other bad things that happen are the result of our own actions, our lack of planning or forethought and so on. Allah makes us live with the consequences of our choices in this life (and in the next to of course but in a different way)

So basically my first piece of advice is trust in Allah, seek Allah's help, but tie up your camels. And if something goes wrong, ask yourself - did I tie up my camel? And if you didn't then please don't get angry at Allah, but resolve to do things differently next time. And if you did tie up your camel, still don't get angry at Allah, it was a test and try to bear it with patience inshaAllah because Allah rewards those who bear hardship with patience.

My second piece of advice, especially with regard to constant small annoying things that drive us up the wall (its not just you that has do deal with these!!) - try to remember people who have really awful horrible bad things happen to them. Look at the thread in General about the poor dalit (hindu "untouchable" caste) woman who died with her baby in childbirth cause the high caste hindus refused to treat her or even touch her cause she's low caste. Imagine what her poor husband must being going through. Then if you look at the profile of Salman al Farsi (he's one of the mods) and look in his albums, there's a picture of a small child dying of starvation, trying to crawl a whole mile to get to a place where they are handing out food, whilst a vulture stands nearby waiting for the child to die. Many people find that when life's constant small irritations are getting them down, stuff like that puts it into perspective and they start thanking Allah for the basic things they take for granted instead of being angry or upset at the bad things that happened that day.

Also sometimes one apparently bad thing happening may be Allah's way of protecting you from a worse thing happening. Only Allah knows, but it helps to contemplate this when you have a bad day or something else bad happens. Remember, Allah is the best of planners.

So to put a new spin on the events of your day....

(I presume, forgive me if I'm wrong) you didn't go hungry, you weren't persecuted, you weren't denied medical treatment or shelter, no-one bulldozed your home and no-one died.

you got caught speeding but you didn't have a car accident so your car is not damaged and you are not injured.

the tennis court was locked, but you didn't pull a hamstring playing tennis and you are able to walk

your bike had flat tyres but it hadn't been stolen, and you didn't get hit by a car whilst riding and end up in hospital.

inland revenue may have screwed up big time and you have to pay - but at least you weren't blamed for the mistake and arrested for tax evasion. (I don't know the scenario on this one so forgive me if there are wrong assumptions in it)

I hope that helps inshaAllah. and inshaAllah I hope someone has posted advice about which surahs n stuff to recite to give you sabr n stuff like that, cause I don't really know which is best, although I always recite surat al ikhlaas and surat an naas as these are protections from evil, surat an naas especially as its asking for protection against shaytaans whispers.

[Umm_Hanzalah]

Pray tahhajud, it's all about increasing in all kinds of ibaadah, recite the morning and evening duas everyday, recite Quran everyday as well. Especially recite ayatul kursi, and the quls.

Here are some other really nice duas as well:

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=34

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=35

http://www.makedua.com

[RaNdOm]

I am starting this thread to get some clarification for myself, and would appreciate a non-judgmental attitude and I believe everyone of us have issues, big or small. To make long story short, I have been through quite a few trials and these trials have made me bitter and resentful. I went through these trials believing that after every trial there is relief but seems like the relief never comes. Life has become a vicious circle. Just to illustrate how my life has been for long long time, I met a friend after 5yrs recently and he asked 'what's new' and I couldn’t think of a single thing to tell him.
I am 29 and I have been looking to get married for 5-6 yrs without any success. I consider myself a decent guy, never was in to chasing girls, drinking, clubbing and taking any drugs. Rather a straight forward, honest, loyal and very hardworking guy. Now I see ppl around me who i know were used to do all the bad stuff having decent lives, and getting married and it just hurts. It is not that I can't get married but i just don't want to marry anyone. I want to marry a person who i feel connection with, physical attraction..etc. I kow that I am getting older and my chances of finding the girl that I want are become slimer and slimer. The thing is 5yrs ago i was in love with this girl and thing happened and i had to let her go believing that God had a better plan for me and He will help me. Now it feels there is no plan, and it was cruel joke. I feel betrayed…
Now i have hard time trusting God, have hard time believing that anything good will befall me. Sometimes it feels like there is a force acting against me. I don’t nessorry believe in black magic outside the context of islam but sometimes I just wonder why so many weird issues and problems happen. Always obstacles in everything i do from little to big. Sometimes it feels like God is making fun of me rather then helping me. My biggest problem is that i tend to get angry at God, I disrespect and i say that all is just bulls***. I hate the feeling of being not free. Sometimes I hate being good. Sometimes i wish i could just be like other ppl do whatever i want and don't give a f*** about religion, and other ppls feelings. But i calm down and realize that I am not like that, and it is not my nature. I get confused as to what to do, because no matter what i do nothing changes, i pray, I ask for help but i see nothing. I ask God to give me something to hold on to, make it a little easy for me so i can rebuild myself. I feel stuck, I beleive in God but don't trust him, and don't have the courage and the patience to be patient and start the whole long f****in process again.
It is a constant struggle, and a battle that I have to fight every single day.
The ony good thing that has come out of my trials is that I came closer to God in some ways (ironic isn’t it) and have more understanding of islam. If someone says something against God or Islam I can defend it pretty well with sound logic and arguments, and with passion.

:salams

u said the only thing that has come out of ur trials is that you've become closer to Allah... isn't that what we're all really trying to achieve and the other things just play roles in our life in order to achieve that goal... like by getting married u'd be able to inshaAllah develop an even stronger relationship with Allah swt

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allaah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!” [al-Baqarah 2:214]



“Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]


Allah swt is testing u even if it's small little things, to see ur reaction, whether when sumt happens u'll be like why are u doing this to me? or whether u'll remain patient and bear it having full trust in Allah that He WILL bring u the ease... otherwise we could all do things half-heartedly but where was that trust? where was the belief that Your Creator does the best for you?

So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true: nor let those shake thy firmness, who have (themselves) no certainty of faith. [30:60]

it isn't about.. oh i kept away from gals n clubbin n all that stuff so where's my reward? only Allah swt knows best when to grant u with ease and relief...

as someone said to me... the key to being happy is learning how to become content with Allah swt decree of worldly matters and relations.. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

If We Had Perfect Power Like Allah Subhanahu wa Ta 'ala To Determine Our Destinies, and Perfect Vision Like Allah Subhanahu wa Ta 'ala To See The Future and Know What Is Best For Us, We Would Choose Exactly The Fate That Allah Chose For Us.

that's where u can see the certainty of imaan shining out... us... slaves of Allah truly believing in ALL that Allah swt has revealed :inlove:

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good, and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).


And if Allah touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is Able to do all things. [6:17]


u know if u go back and read what u wrote... about how angry u get at Allah or how u feel Allah swt is taking the mick... (i even feel uncomfortable and scared writing that) cos how can u say that about the one who is more Merciful to believers than a mother is to her child? ok... think of it like this ur mum who for 29yrs of ur life has loved u and always wanted good to reach u and protected u from all kinds of harm when u were young and didn't realise...and u turn around and start sayin u never wanted good for me, u just stopped me from what i wanted to do, u never cared!! what would ur mother feel?


if we TRULY believe that Allah swt cares and He does best for us then anything that happened we'd feel content, even if it hurt and u felt like giving up, ud strive to keep going cos u'd know that Allah swt is there and that He'll grant u the ease as He sees u striving for it inshaAllah



As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]


Allah swt is as we think of Him, so if we hold a negative view of Him how can we expect good? we need to learn to train ourselves to become strong and determined and soldiers in this life, overcoming everything that this life throws at us...


"I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." (Hadist Qudsi: Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah) :love: :love: :love:

sure it's gonna be hard, sure ur gonna slip and fail, but as long as we're alive we can ALWAYS turn back to Allah and beg Him for forgiveness so that He may be pleased with us... the real purpose to our life...

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2399; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2280.

everything u find difficult now could be the very reason ur saved from hell on the day of judgement, when u see the trials u've faced and the patience u've kept... the rewards that u build up, inshaAllah on that day u'll be granted the TRUE relief u've craved for...

As to these, they love the fleeting life, and put away behind them a day (that will be) hard. (Surat al-Insan: 27)

sometimes i think the real reason i might get sad sometimes is cos im too attached to this world, but when i start diverting my thoughts to the hereafter everything becomes so minor... cos u know if u work hard enough now u'll inshaAllah attain the ULTIMATE reward... jannah :inlove:

“A caller will cry out (i.e., to the people of Paradise): ‘You will be healthy and will never fall sick; you will live and will never die; you will remain young and will never grow old; you will feel ease and will never be miserable.’ This is what Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘And it will be cried out to them: This is the Paradise which you have inherited for what you used to do’ [al-A’raaf 7:43].

Narrated by Muslim, 2827


if u never ever tasted the bitterness of this life how could u yearn towards the sweetness of the hereafter?


:love: :love: :love: :love:


If you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron.

And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful.

And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels.

And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of gold
and silver.
And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree
except that its trunk is made of gold and silver.
And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and
sweeter than honey.
And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest
cloth.
And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who's
taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those who
drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water that is
fresh.

And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they will
choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.

And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem, ginger, and Kaafor .

And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear and
made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the shade
of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it.

And if you ask about its vastness, then the lowest of its people would have
within his kingdom and walls and palaces and gardens the distance that
would be travelled in a thousand years.

And if you ask about its tents and encampments, then one tent is like a
concealed pearl that is sixty miles long.

And if you ask about its towers, then they
are rooms above rooms in buildings that have rivers running underneath
them.

And if you ask about how far it reaches into the sky, then look at the
shining star that is visible, as well as those that are far in the heavens
that the eyesight cannot possibly reach.

And if you ask about the clothing of its inhabitants, then they are of silk
and gold.

And if you ask about its beds, then its blankets are of the finest silk
laid out in the highest of its levels.

And if you ask about the faces of its inhabitants and their beauty, then
they are like the image of the Moon.

And if you ask about their age, then they are young ones of 33 years in the
image of Adam, the father of humanity.

And if you ask about what they will be hearing, then it is the singing of
their wives from among the Hoor al-'Ayn, and better than that are the
voices of the Angels and the Prophets, and better than that is the Speech
of the Lord of the Worlds.

And if you ask about their servants, then they are young boys of
everlasting youth who resemble scattered pearls.

And if you ask about their brides and wives, then they are young and
full-breasted and have had the liquid of youth flow through their limbs;
the Sun runs along the beauty of her face if she shows it, light shines
from between her teeth if she smiles; if you meet her love, then say
whatever you want regarding the joining of two lights; he sees his face in
the roundness of her cheek as if he is looking into a polished mirror, and
he sees the brightness from behind her muscles and bones; if she were to be
unleashed upon the World, she would fill what is between the Heavens and
the Earth with a beautiful wind, and the mouths of the creation would
glorifiy, praise, and exclaim greatness, and everything between the East
and the West would be adorned for her, and every eye would be shut from
everthing but her, and the light of the Sun would be
outshone just as the light of the Sun outshines the light of the stars, and
everyone on the face of the Earth would believe in the Ever-Living, the One
who Sustains and Protects all the exists.

And the covering on her head is better than the World and all that is in
it, and she does not increase with age except in beauty; free from an
umbilical cord, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine
and other filthy things; her youth never fades, her clothing is never worn
out, no garment can be created that matches her beauty, and no one who is
with her can ever become bored; her attention is restricted to her husband,
so she desires none but him, just as his attention is restricted to her so
she is the sole object of his desire, and he is with her in utmost safety
and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn.

And if you ask about the Day of Increase (in reward) and the visit of the
all-Mighty, all-Wise, and the sight of His
Face - free from any resemblance or likeness to anything - as you see the
Sun in the middle of the day and the full Moon on a cloudless night, then
listen on the day that the caller will call: 'O People of Paradise! Your
Lord - Blessed and Exalted - requests you to visit Him, so come to visit
Him!' So they will say: 'We hear and obey!'

Until, when they finally reach the wide valley where they will all meet -
and none of them will turn down the request of the caller - the Lord -
Blessed and Exalted - will order His Chair to be brought there. Then,
pulpits of light will emerge, as well as pulpits of pearls, gemstone, gold,
and silver. The lowest of them in rank will sit on sheets of musk, and will
not see what those who are on the chairs above them are given. When they
are comfortable where they are sitting and are secure in their places, and
the caller calls: 'O People of Paradise! You have an appointment with
Allaah in which He wishes to reward you!' So they will
say: 'And what is that reward? Has He not already made our faces bright,
made our scales heavy, entered us into Paradise, and pushed us away from
the Fire?'

And when they are like that, all of a sudden a light shines that
encompasses all of Paradise. So, they raise their heads, and, behold: the
Compeller - Exalted is He, and Holy are His Names - has come to them from
above them and majestified them and said: 'O People of Paradise! Peace be
upon you!' So, this greeting will not be responded to with anything better
than: 'O Allaah! You are Peace, and from You is Peace! Blessed are You, O
possessor of Majesty and Honor!' So the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will
laugh to them and say: 'O People of Paradise! Where are those who used to
obey Me without having ever seen Me? This is the Day of Increase!'

So, they will all give the same response: 'We are pleased, so be pleased
with us!' So, He will say: 'O People of Paradise! If I were not pleased
with you, I would
not have made you inhabitants of My Paradise! So, ask of Me!' So, they will
all give the same response: 'Show us your Face so that we may look at it!'
So, the Lord - Mighty and Majestic - will remove his covering and will
majestify them and will cover them with His Light, which, if Allaah - the
Exalted - had not Willed not to burn them, would have burned them.

And there will not remain a single person in this gathering except that his
Lord - the Exalted - will speak to him and say: 'Do you remember the day
that you did this and that?' and He will remind him of some of his bad
deeds in the Worldy life, so he will say: 'O Lord! Will you not forgive
me?' So, He will say: 'Of course! You have not reached this position of
yours (in Paradise) except by my forgiveness.'

So, how sweet is this speech to the ears, and how cooled are the righteous
eyes by the glance at His Noble Face in the Afterlife...

{Some faces that Day will be shining and radiant, looking
at their Lord...} (al-Qiyaamah:22-3)


:love: :love: :love: :love:


the real reward is that of the hereafter..

u know i so know its sooooooooooooo easy to get caught up thinking about what's gonna happen here n there, but if u stay determined and direct ur thoughts to the hereafter, ur REAL home... inshaAllah u'll find it easier to be patient... and u'll find that all ur situations are taken care of

“Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allaah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allaah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2389; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6510).

Remember Allah and He will remember u... u'll see u keep working to gain the pleasure of Allah and even without u realising ur affairs will be made so easy for u inshaAllah...


“Has not the time arrived for the believers to humble their hearts to the Remembrance of Allah and what He has sent down from the truth…?” [57:16]

i know its been long and hard but u gotta keep strong and remind urself...




“Allah is with those who are patient” (Surah Baqarah 2:153)



“Thosewho are patient will be given their reward in full, beyond reckoning.” (Surah az-Zumar 39:10) :love:

Peace be upon you, for your perseverance and patience. How great shall be your reward in the hereafter!” (Surah Ra’ad: 13:24) :inlove:


And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve. [12:87]

But they never lost heart for that which did befall them in Allah's Way, nor did they weaken nor degrade themselves [3:146]

Surely, Allah's Mercy is [ever] near unto the good-doers [7:56] :love:




Abu Hurayrah said: "The Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The example of the believer is like that of a plant which is continually bent over by the wind; the believer is continually beset with afflictions. The example of a hypocrite is like that of the cedar tree, which does not yield until it is uprooted in one go." (Muslim, 5024)... things are gonna come at u from all directions in this world to try and break u and make u amongst those that are doomed to hell, cos thats the shaitaans mission to ruin u so u wont ever get to enter paradise... and its up to u to never let him do that... u ever see the trees when its mega windy... well imagine ur one of them trees... and u got 2 options... u can let go and give into the forces and flow into the wind where the only end will be that u come crashing to the ground in an even worse position than before... orrrr u can fight against those forces, no matter which way they batter u, remaining strong and asking Allah swt to strengthen u so that u dont give into those forces... it'll be really really hard and u'll want to let go so many times but ur faith in Allah swt will allow u to see it through, and like any situation, things never remain constant... the winds will pass, the harship will end and u'll be seeing the better times once again cos Allah says: “Verily with hardship comes ease; verily with hardship comes ease.” [Sūrah al-Sharh: 5-6] and u gotta see it through that hardship to reach the ease inshaAllah...

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]


try and read the Quran as much as u can (with translation)


And with him are the keys of the Ghaib (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but he knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record.It is he who takes your souls by night (when you are asleep), and has knowledge of all that you have done by day, then He raises (wakes) you up again that a term appointed your life period) be fulfilled, then (in the end) unto Him will be your return. Then he will inform you of that which you used to do. [6:59-60]

just see the power of Allah and remind urself everyday.. everything is with Him... He says Be! and it is :love:

[PRANA]

Hmm I agree with dhakiyya´s post also apart from praying, reciting Quran and reading the translation maybe you should also consider "changing your conditions" as God doesn´t help those who help themselves...hmm like if your life hasn´t changed for the last 5 years or so-is it maybe because you have been in the same routine? Have you grown as a person? What can you do to become more active?
Are you looking for a spouse in the right places?Maybe you can ask some of your married friends if they can help you find a decent and attractive person (maybe their wives know some suitable candidates?)
And try your best to think positive thoughts- a change in attitude also really helps as our brains prefer the same old thinking pattern which leads to the everlasting feeling of frustration; think positive and you will be more receptive to the possibilities that come your way.

[PRANA]

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THE ADVICE I HAVE GIVEN YOU-reflecting-AND IT STRUCK ME:

I think I know what the root of the problem is!!!!!
I think the reason behind this negative cycle is because you are letting your past control your present and you're stuck because something is hindering you from moving on.
Something is DEFINITELY unresolved.
DEFINITELY
And I say this based on your statement that you wish you didn't give a beep about other ppls feelings etc.
There's baggage you need to get rid of.
Only YOU know what is unresolved and I suggest that you come clear with it whatever it is and just be honest with yourself and if it has something to do with other ppl then contact them and address the issues and be straightforward without any filter.
get things outta your system
otherwise you are going to keep drawing on past experiences, choices and regrets and it's gonna get worse with time
Time for action

[Kal-El]

What he is trying to say is he is lonely, and the fact that he feels more spiritually in tune to his deen is not making the feeling any less hurtful.

[Tahiyah]

there is obviously something very weak and wrong in your Deen if you are feeling distrust and anger towards Allah

did you thank Allah for breakfast this morning? for being able to use your arms and legs? your roof over your head? no offense, but you are a spoiled, weak servant who needs a reality check. your situation could be much much worse. look at your suffering brothers and sisters around the world.

have you studied the stories of the Prophets in Islam (saw)? Allah says in there stories there are many examples for us to learn from. patience is one of them. remember Allah (swt) and say alhamdulillah in your times of hardship and struggle, the same as you would in your times of ease and success.

Allah does not change a condition of people until they first change themselves.

Allah always knows what is best, dont lose patience.

it could be that Allah has a certain level for you to reach in understanding that you will not get to on your own without first enduring certain hardships.

in Islam, patience means ALOT

don't get frustrated with Allah, just try to become a better servant and obey HIS commands. humble yourself, inshaa Allah

[My struggle]

thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate the verses and hadiths that you have posted Random. PRANA, I am not sure what business is left unfinshed, especially with other ppl. I have had my fair share of problems. The only unfinished business i have is with God. The things ihave been through, i would have not done it without trust in God, without the hope that God will takecare of me, that He promised that if He takes away something good then it is replaced with something greater. Rather i sometimes feel like a bed ridden patient who is fed through interveuns... enough to keep him alive but not enough to make him well. It feels like the last problem is there just to make me stronger for the next one.

I try and I am trying to be better, to be stronger, but there seems no end. I realize i have to learn to be at peace, to be content with what i have what I am. To be optimistic, to be hopeful but cautious. To deal with distrust, rage, anger, disappointment, sadness and regret.

[`asiya]

:salams i thought this thread might be useful for u, may Allah give u strength and iman amin. http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134803

[Redmist]

thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate the verses and hadiths that you have posted Random. PRANA, I am not sure what business is left unfinshed, especially with other ppl. I have had my fair share of problems. The only unfinished business i have is with God. The things ihave been through, i would have not done it without trust in God, without the hope that God will takecare of me, that He promised that if He takes away something good then it is replaced with something greater. Rather i sometimes feel like a bed ridden patient who is fed through interveuns... enough to keep him alive but not enough to make him well. It feels like the last problem is there just to make me stronger for the next one.

I try and I am trying to be better, to be stronger, but there seems no end. I realize i have to learn to be at peace, to be content with what i have what I am. To be optimistic, to be hopeful but cautious. To deal with distrust, rage, anger, disappointment, sadness and regret.

Brother i have read your original post and this one. I can identify with you and feel for you. I have gone through or am still going through the exact things you talk about happening to you. You have been a devout muslim and you try to live your life to please Allah and you stay away from bad things, but all he gives you is Bad things, one after another! It is hard not to get frustrated, angry, and react aggressively to things that are bad that keep happening to you. I totally feel for you brother, you are not the only one, other people go through same things............actually i thought i was the only one that went through things like this, but as your post has shown that i am not the only one with similar things happening to them in their life.

All i can say is it may be a Test like random says, and God tests those who loves blah blah blah.........or it may NOT. Like i said in one of my previous posts its good to be patient, but dont be too patient cuz even God takes the ****. My views are my own and people can say whatever they like about me.........oh, his a Apostate or his a Kaafir, his got no faith in Allah. But THEY have not gone thorugh the things i have gone through in my LIfe.........so they have no right to make judgement on me ( i think that if they went thru even 10% of what ive gone thru in life they would have been complaining and antagonistic towards Allah long before me) and besides i DONT CARE!!

Brother all i can say is you have to belive whatever gives you peace and helps you to movw forward, and keep on striving, keep on Fighting!!

[PRANA]

brother it's really hard to advice someone when you don't know them or the details but I really hope you know you are not alone!
Everyone have their own struggle-it's just not written on their faces as it's probably not written on yours either!!Hence you posting in the anonymous section
Can you be more specific about why you're sad, angry etc.? Maybe just write it down for yourself on paper as sometimes it helps putting thoughts into words-works as therapy.
Remember God LOVES you!!!!! AND he wants the best for you so hang in there

[RaNdOm]

:salams

maybe before u all start blaming Allah swt

u might like to think about these verses

And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much. [42:30]Indeed Allah does not wrong the people at all, it is they wrong their own selves. (Yunus 10: 44)

Allah does not wrong anyone by as much as at atom's weight. (An-Nisaa' 4:40)

If Allah were to punish men according to what they deserve. He would not leave on the back of the (earth) a single living creature: but He gives them respite for a stated Term: when their Term expires, verily Allah has in His sight all His Servants. [35:45]

Among the people there are some who profess to serve Allah but who stand on the very fringe of good faith. If good befalls them, they are content, but if an ordeal befalls them, they revert to their former ways, losing both this world and the hereafter. That way true perdition lies. (Surat al-Hajj: 11)

"And when your Lord proclaimed: 'If you are thankful I will increase you. But if you are ungrateful, My torment shall be severe." [Al-Qur'an 14:7]

"…If Allah willed, He could seal up your heart…" (Surat ash-Shura: 24)

Our Lord, do not cause our hearts to go astray after You have guided us. And grant us mercy. You are the Ever-Giving. (Surah Al 'Imran: 8)

He who desires this fleeting existence shall soon receive in it whatever We will: We bestow Our gifts upon whoever We please. But then We will consign him to Hell where he will roast, reviled and helpless. But as for anyone who desires the hereafter, and strives for it as he ought to, being a believer, his endeavours will be gratefully acknowledged. (Surat al-Isra': 18-19)

instead of blaming Allah swt for this going wrong or that going wrong, maybe its time to look into ur ownself... are u really doing EVERYTHING u can to please Him or just sitting there doing the basics and expecting reward after reward...

at the moment it all sounds like im sucha amazin person i deserve to have so much, but does Allah know what you deserve or do u know? how do u know if the very reason for ur suffering may mean an elevated status in the hereafter or not??

can u see the sins u've surmounted?? its like we all have no idea how much bad we've really done

i think if situations get difficult... we need to turn to Allah swt as much as we can and repent to Him and ask Him to forgive us for the wrongs we have committed knowingly and unknowingly... and ask Him to have mercy on us cos it all feels so hard... not be like my lifes so crap its all His fault... i mean its like what the hell... ur nothing... we're all nothing... who are we to turn to Allah and blame Him, or show anger towards Him????? He created u, He lets u eat, sleep, drink, breathe, He lets u see??? aren't these things that should keep u from blaming Him, cos although you might not have got what you want... if u did get what u wanted but ur sight was taken away at the same time... would u be happy???

argh its just like everyone thinks theyre some kinda king that deserves good cos they've had so much bad to face... this world is NOTHING... ur gonna die soon and then the things u dint get u wont even remember, all that will matter is what we earn in terms of our good deeds... just show a little humility... its ur CREATOR ur talking about

im sorry but ur all proper making me mad now, i think Allah swt is FAR EXALTED above what kinda attitude there seems to be here... if u were sad and finding it hard i could understand, but having anger towards Allah and saying things like even God takes the **** ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! i just dont understand... He could take your life away this very second and is that what you would say?????? NO ud be crappin it cos ud be so worried whether ud done enough good in this world to have an eternity of happiness..

how can we expect so much good in a place.. a world that isnt meant for 100% good... have u really done so much to please Him..?

[sad_guy]

My Brother,

I can't tell you how shocked I was when i read every word you said, as if you are talking about me. i can fully understand everything that happened and is happening to you. if it makes you feel better, I am not 29 I am 35 with failed marriage although I was a straight and faithful guy who touched no woman other than his wife. I can't tell you the problems I went through and the loss of faith because of that. i heard everything is told to you and I even tried out desperation shikhs who suppose cure such problems. I tried everything. I just posted a thread few days ago with only the latest problem to not mention that I can't find work now and I am in dept and I lost my savings and list will go on on on and the worse part is I did istekhara for the bad things that happened to me
I tried antidepressants, i tried therapy, i tried everything you could think of and now only the thought of death gives me a little comfort but I know it's wrong and I should not think of it. All the ppl that I used to consider bad because of haram life style that they lived I knew that I will emerge the better person because I was righteous , guess what. they have families and life and I have nothing. I even failed at trying to be like them doing wrong things because my guilt is far more stronger than anything and it stops from doing anything
that could make me happy. I can only be happy with HALAL things but I can not get it no matter how hard I try .Haram things might make me happy but I also can't because I will feel guilty and I will be afraid that God will punish me. I prayed and prayed and prayed for years and years and years and years but it was in vain. I am trying very hard to control my resentment towards God because deep inside I love him I can never live without him although I said some bad things about him that I regret very much. I just don't know how to get him to listen to me and help.

Please let me in your loop , if you can find a solution maybe I can use it too

I feel for you brother , no one knows what you feel just like no one feel what I am going through. I hope you can find your way and hopefully I can find mine

there is gotta be a way out of this ... i hope

I wish we can have chat together maybe we can help each other.

[PiElle2]

your problem is you think just because you believe in God and you pray, things should work out well for you. but sorry to say, life ain't like that.

if you truly believe in God, you will accept that whatever happens in your life, happens for a reason, the main one being, be grateful and graceful for whatever happens in your life, the good and including the bad. you learn from your mistakes, and be a better person by not repeating those mistakes.

try to change your outlook in life, ie. be happy, be positive, then maybe life will change your outcome.

;)

[`asiya]

29. Surah Al-'Ankabût

In the Name of Allâh, the Most
Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

1. Alif Lâm Mîm.

[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'ân, and none but Allâh (Alone) knows their meanings.]

2. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested.

3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allâh will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test).

4. Or those who do evil deeds think that they can outstrip Us (i.e. escape Our Punishment)? Evil is that which they judge!

5. Whoever hopes for the Meeting with Allâh, then Allâh's Term is surely coming. and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.

6. And whosoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily, Allâh is free of all wants from the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns, and all that exists).

7. Those who believe [in the Oneness of Allâh (Monotheism) and in Messenger Muhammad SAW , and do not apostate because of the harm they receive from the polytheists], and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall remit from them their evil deeds and shall reward them according to the best of that which they used to do.

8. And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

9. And for those who believe (in the Oneness of Allâh and other items of Faith) and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall make them enter in (the enterance of) the righteous (i.e. in Paradise).

10. Of mankind are some who say: "We believe in Allâh," but if they are made to suffer for the sake of Allâh, they consider the trial of mankind as Allâh's punishment, and if victory comes from your Lord, (the hypocrites) will say: "Verily! We were with you (helping you)." Is not Allâh Best Aware of what is in the breast of the 'Alamîn (mankind and jinns).

11. Verily, Allâh knows those who believe, and verily, He knows the hypocrites [i.e. Allâh will test the people with good and hard days to discriminate the good from the wicked (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test)].

[My struggle]

thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate the good advice and ayats from Quran and sayings from hadith. Seems like there are many other ppl who are going through the same challenges that I am. It is sad that good ppl go through more crap then not so good ppl. I guess it basically comes down to just being patient and content with what you have. Life may or may not change, but you just hope for the best and pray. Seems like it is moe about acceptance then change.

sad-guy, i dont know what to tell you. You have been through alot and i guess you are still going through alot. There is no easy solution for you as there is no easy solution for me. Just have to pray, trust in Allah and be patient. There is nothing more i can say, it is just the sad truth.

[diffstruggle]

i understand exactly what u feel and have been thru the same: anger, bitterness, resentment, disbelief, and the more i would try to get closer to God, the more i would feel hopeless and distanced with Him. alhamdulillah, things are much better now though.

like sad_guy, cant imagine doing what is haram to please my desires and dont want to upset God either. i think what really helped is realizing that to trust God, you need to trust with no expectations that what you want will happen, only that what He wants is best for you.

i have to admit its very difficult at times when you see those around you who are not concientious of God or who will easily submit to haram-doing getting everything that their heart desires... but i guess you just have to keep believing that there is a plan for you.

all the best bro(s)

[revert-haan ji]

salaam


i found this story deeeep when i heard it for the first time maybe it will help you.



The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was a prosperous man with firm faith in Allah. He possessed vast farms, enormous wealth, many cattle and valuable property but these things did not make him arrogant. His wealth provided him with a medium by means of which he sought Allah's grace.


The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was a pattern of humility and faith in Allah. He was very patient. He suffered from a number of calamities but did not utter a single word of complaint. One day his big farm was attacked by the thieves. They killed many of his servants and carried away forcibly all his cattle. The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) did not feel sorry at this loss and thanked Allah.
After some time the roof of the house fell down and many members of his family were crushed. The Prophet Ayyub (peace be upon him) was much shocked but he held fast to his faith in Allah. He neither shed a tear nor heaved a sigh. He prostrated before the Almighty. He remarked that possessions and children were the gifts from Allah. If He had taken His things, it was useless to lament over their loss.
After a few years Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) suffered from skin disease. His parts of body were covered with loathsome sores. He had many ugly looking ulcers on his face and hands. The sores were full of worms. It is narrated that he picked up those worms which fell from his abscess and praised Allah for creating them.
Above all, his false friends attributed his calamities to his sins. They ridiculed and looked down upon him. All the persons deserted him with the exception of his faithful wife, Rahima. She also grew tired of him in the long run and prayed for his death. She cursed her husband for retaining integrity in Allah. When Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was in an extremely pathetic condition he prayed:
"Truly adversity has afflicted me and You are Most Merciful of all who show mercy." (Surah 21: Verse 83 (http://www.itsislam.net/quran/surah.asp?sid=21#83))
Allah accepted his prayer. The Holy Quran affirms:
"Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from Our store and remembrance for the worshippers." (Surah 21: Verse 84 (http://www.itsislam.net/quran/surah.asp?sid=21#84))
The Prophet Ayub Recovers and Prospers
Allah turned to him with mercy. He was commanded to strike the earth with his foot. He complied with the order and water from the spring gushed forth. He took a bath with the water and got cured from his evil disease. After this he was restored to prosperity. The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) knelt and prayed expressing a deep sense of gratitude to Allah. He never forgot His favours, mercy and love.
The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was one of the celebrated Prophets. His example illustrates: that those who remain patient under the stress of all circumstances, are never deprived of high rewards. The Holy Quran affirms:
"And surely we try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and crops, but give glad-tidings to the steadfast, who when a misfortune befalls them, say lo! we are Allah's (possession of Allah) and to Him shall we surely return. · Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly-guided." (Surah 2 : Verse 155-157 (http://www.itsislam.net/quran/surah.asp?sid=2#155))





Hope this helps u bruv