stresssed out about brother !! please help

[worried]

Asalam Aleikum .
uhm, i am just getting started on this, because i needed advice ASAP ! and frankly i have nobody to go to .

Well, to make a long story short i found out that my brother may be affiliated with drugs, and i know that is Haram in Islam .
My question is, should i inform my parents asap? Is it wrongthat i am not telling them what their own son is doing? Or do i let Allah deal with it?
If i tell, and he gets in trouble, will it all be my fault?

i Am soo confusedd annd stressed out !
can somebody please please help me with me problem !!

[Joha]

Hmm, I think your first call, if you have a good relationship with him, is to hint to him that you already know and that you strongly disapprove. Try and also find out if it is just confined to him taking it or that there's something else going on.

If you don't feel like confronting him, do tell your parents. If he gets into trouble for it, so be it, but it is for his own good and you're not to blame. Obviously try and convince your parents to be delicate about the whole thing.

You've got to be proactive - divine help doesn't fall from the sky.

How would you feel if you didn't tell anybody and something happens to him because of the substances he's taking? How will you forgive yourself for letting him do it?

If the affiliation is business like, then things are a whole lot more complicated.

[eshanz]

assalam u alaikum, brother/sister this is a very delicate situation, i know i have been there myself, with my younger brother. he "mixed with the wrong crowd" n started using drugs.
i am very close to my brother alhamdulillah i started spending alot more time with him talking to him. guys do not find it easy to talk about feelings, so unless ur talking to him about his uses, avoid the subject. u dont want to push him further away. ok kool he's taken drugs or whatever, now u know, u can start helping him back on his feet. u need to be strong. and u will need the support of ur parents, it is better to tell them with ur brother not there, i know sometimes u think "yeh but this will really hurt them and i dont want to do that" but better now than they find out later on and u already knew.
then again as u said he MAY be affiliated with drugs could all just be a misunderstanding, but very rarely it is. dont kick off with him, shout etc this makes things worse.
i hope inshallah everything works out,
wasalam

[MALEEHAH]

Salams sister,

About ur brother, i suggest u tell him u know and ask him what has caused him to start taking drugs. It is usually due to some problem that a person starts taking drugs or due to peer pressure. Tell him he needs to stop soon and that u will help him as much as u can. It might be hard gettin through to him if u already dont have a good relationship him. But u need to support him, and behave in a harsh manner towards him. If it is peer pressure then he needs to start hanging around with the right people. If it some other problem, then try to solve it together. As with any problems, turnin to Allah is the best solution. And patience. Maybe he has less knowledge about religion, if so teach him or get him to attend the mosque or muslim youth clubs where he can find out more. About tellin ur parents, if u think it will make a difference, then do tell them. Also, make du'aa to Allah to guide ur brother. Hope this helps. My du'aas with u.

Wassalams.

[Fendi]

confront him. talk to him, tell him how bad/wrong it is and all that other stuff they taught in high school health class, and if he doesnt listen threaten to tell parents, and if he doesnt stop, parents will have to be informed eventually because the matter is out of your hands.

even if your brother gets mad in the beginning, look at it in the long run, how you're helping him and once its all over and he's matured he will be grateful for it :)

[worried]

I would really like to thank all of you with the great advice, Jazakallah . Most asked if i was close with my brother, to be honest i am not =X . i am 16 and he is 21 i am a girl and he is a boy, so we have alot of gap between us, and we have never really been the "i love you sister, i love you brother" type. And i am very sad to admit that. So i have given it alot of thought, and inshAllah i want to tell my parents very soon, like TODAY ! but the thing is everytime i try to tell them, i get soo scared !

It's also because my parents had found a drug thing in his jacket, and they confronted him about it . it was World War 3 in our house that day, ohman it hurts just to think about it. I remember, i was praying Isha'a and i heard my dad scream and my mom scream, and I heard what they were talking about it . I cried so much . Anyways, my dad made him promise like, really really promise that he would never ever do drugs again, and my brother promised but he sort of laughed it off also, likee he was like " i don't get high or anything, i just smoke alittle" and my dad even asked him why he does it, my brother did not answer. So to tell you the truth, i would NEVER have the courage to confront my brother about his problem.

And as for my parents, i have NO idea how to tell them . . .
I was thinking of like telling one of my uncle's who i am extremely close with and have him tell, but again i just can't bring my self to do it .


Everyone, please make dua'a for my brother !


ps . Is it wrong that I want him to get caught by the police, because i know if they take him to rehab or whatever atleast he'd be safe..

ufhh, i amm confused .
i HATE this

[stephenoskie]

first of all try adn help him out, speak to him and ask ihm why he is doing this? maybe even try help him contact some drug lines or drug counselling.
If this dont work I think then that you should possibly tell your parents.

[Fendi.1]

Yesterday there was an episode on Dr. Phil about this exact same topic and basically what it came down to was:

-You quit the addiction yourself if you're not really "addicted"
-You go to rehab to get help
-Someone turns you into the police because it's not legal or something like that... (in the US it was said)

Since you can't talk to him, I understand the age difference, then you HAVE TO tell your parents and basically outline the three options for him, or else this is the beginning of the end [of his life that is :nono:]


By the way, I don't know the Islamic ruling on turning a Muslim into nonMuslim law - that's a totally different debate :smack:

[Salafi_Sista]

Salaam alaykum. All of the suggestions have been very good and I've learned from reading them. My first thought is that it's wise to let him know you know and that you feel compelled to tell your parents. He will probably be shocked. Then ask him, "if it were me, would you tell on me?" Then you and him should pray about this. Let Allah swt work through you, but don't do HIS work.

[Tahiyah]

are you sure he is abusing drugs?
maybe you should go to your parents and share your fear of his abuse with them. tell them why you think so and also tell them that you would appreciate them not telling him that you are the one who told them. if they tell him you are the one who told them, then he may no longer trust you or he will learn to keep his guard up all the time around you and the rest of the family. dont give him any room to manipulate.

suggest to your parents that they drug test him and have him and the rest of your family attend some NA meetings so you can all meet people and see how drugs destroy lives. get educated and learn about whats out there. get a grip on this now, before it becomes a beast that you cannot control

inshaa Allah, make alot of dhikr and dua for your brother and your parents

[Stylish-Girly]

If you're close to your uncle theres no reason why you should be hesitatin so much just pluck up the courage and tell him before things get way out of hand.. Think about your parents, they'll feel humiliated if he gets caught out by the police, do somethin Ukht.

[worried]

I want to thank all of you for the wonderful advice, although i never confronted him, i finallyy worked up the courage to tell my parents. And they were indeed very very upset, now right now he's at work and does not know i have told them . But my parents are calling all of our relatives who live here and do some sort of intervention . So he can get back on the right track

Jazakalllaahah much !


Asalam Aleikum.

[stephenoskie]

I want to thank all of you for the wonderful advice, although i never confronted him, i finallyy worked up the courage to tell my parents. And they were indeed very very upset, now right now he's at work and does not know i have told them . But my parents are calling all of our relatives who live here and do some sort of intervention . So he can get back on the right track

Jazakalllaahah much !


Asalam Aleikum.

MashAllah :D