Polygamy?

[Unregistered333]

Is a woman who refuses to be in a polygamus marriage punished on judgement day?

Can a husband divorce his wife no matter how well she treated him because she doesnt want him to get married again?


And why is it when a sister says to a brother i want to be my husbands only wife they make her look like an evil unpracticing and not a god fearing woman? and use the words azubilah, subhana allah as if she uttered a terrible thing.

And the last question, if a sister does not want to be in a polygamus marriage does that mean she is not a pious muslimah, even though she is therefore won't be granted jannah?.

[Pippin1376]

Polgamy is allowed in Islam, if a sister doesn't want to be married to someone who has a wife, or wants to get another wife. Then she is free to divorce him. That doesn't mean she is bad, it just means that she isn't at the level to accept it yet. Again she can be a mashallah muslim, but not like the idea. Women are jealous by nature, so she wouldn't want to share her husband. It's understandable.

Instead of saying that you don't want to be in a polygamist relationship and whatnot, just say, "Inshallah, Allah will make it easy for me." Then put your faith in Allah. Just don't say it's wrong, because it isn't.

And why is it when a sister says to a brother i want to be my husbands only wife they make her look like an evil unpracticing and not a god fearing woman? and use the words azubilah, subhana allah as if she uttered a terrible thing.
If a brother makes a woman feel that way because they are not at the level to accept polygamy, then I feel he is in the wrong. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour to make her look like an evil person, because she doesn't like the idea of it. Instead of doing that they should help her see the benefits of polygamy, without sounding condescending.

And the last question, if a sister does not want to be in a polygamus marriage does that mean she is not a pious muslimah, even though she is therefore won't be granted jannah?.
Allah grants Jannah to whomever He wills. If someone is telling you this, then they are wrong, because it's up to Allah.

[`asiya]

polygany is part of our deen. Allah ta ala has given women the permission to marry up to 4 women, as men are the maintainers and protectors of women. The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that any woman who asks for a divorce without a valid reason will not smell the fragrance of al jannah. so think about that before u start asking for a divorce because your husband wants to take care of your sister in Islam. polygany is normal for muslims, it is only because of following the ways of the other nations that women have a problem with this today. submit to Allah ta ala and change your mind its actually easier than u might think.

If your husband was going out a few nights a week to do charity work im sure u wouldnt mind at all, so why would u mind if he is out with his other wife, this is just jelousy and the naffs getting in the way and thats something u need to learn to overcome and you will do so insha Allah remember that this is something Allah ta ala has given men permission for and you should not dislike any part of this deen, and all you have to do to come to terms with this is submit to the words of Allah ta ala and His messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam.

so dont let your jelousy and the whispers of shaitan get the better of you. u should not think about other peoples marriages and what goes on in them, and the same goes for your husbands other marriages they are none of your buisness, they are his buisness only and as long as he is treating u well and dividing his time equally then nothing to worry about. you should support your husband in this matter, which wil in turn bring support to another muslim sister if he remarries. This is your husbands buisness not yours, and u should allow him to get the blessings from Allah ta ala in caring for another wife if he so chooses, and dont make that hard for him insha Allah. give him all ur support and allow another woman to gain the blessings of having a good husband just as u have, as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said none of your truely beleives until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. ( and that applies to sisters too ) :up:

[Unregistered333]

*sigh* what a relieve.
jazakallahu khair brother, i feel so much better, some brothers have been making feel like am a bad muslim for not wanting to be in a polygamus marriage and all of these questions started going through my head because i thought it was wrong islamically to not want polygamy. Insha allah i pray my heart accepts this soon.

[Kal-El]

I don't think your ready for marriage

[THE PATH 2]

polygamy is not fardh

a man who wants another wife must first look to see if he is basically praying the 5 daily salah and fulfilling the rights of his 1 wife
and does he have the halal means for support and fair treatment of 2 wives

if so then maybe he is ready for another wife


and even then what is the intention?

[Unregistered333]

Path i never asked what their intentions were, because when they told me they have other wife or plan to have more wives i lost interest in them.


Kel, just because i don't want polygamy does not mean iam not ready for marriage.

[dhakiyya]

There are lots of brothers who are not interested in polygamy, because they know how hard it is to support and fulfil his obligations to just one wife. Even among brothers who say they like the idea of polygamy, some of them know that although the theory sounds good they know it would be too much for them in practice. So for a sister who knows she would not tolerate polygamy well, inshaAllah she needs to find a brother who doesn't want polygamy either. That is the best solution inshaAllah.

[Kal-El]

Path i never asked what their intentions were, because when they told me they have other wife or plan to have more wives i lost interest in them.


Kel, just because i don't want polygamy does not mean iam not ready for marriage.

No, I didn't say that because of your dislike of Polygamy, you don't have to like it and many dont, I said it because your question seemed very basic. I'd like to think people who are ready to marry know atleast the basics of their deen in regards to this; and also assuming that you dont want a polygamous marriage would make you any less pious seems a little immature. I hope that's not offending but you seemed quite young with your question.

[Kal-El]

polygany is part of our deen. Allah ta ala has given women the permission to marry up to 4 women, as men are the maintainers and protectors of women. The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that any woman who asks for a divorce without a valid reason will not smell the fragrance of al jannah. so think about that before u start asking for a divorce because your husband wants to take care of your sister in Islam. polygany is normal for muslims, it is only because of following the ways of the other nations that women have a problem with this today. submit to Allah ta ala and change your mind its actually easier than u might think.

If your husband was going out a few nights a week to do charity work im sure u wouldnt mind at all, so why would u mind if he is out with his other wife, this is just jelousy and the naffs getting in the way and thats something u need to learn to overcome and you will do so insha Allah remember that this is something Allah ta ala has given men permission for and you should not dislike any part of this deen, and all you have to do to come to terms with this is submit to the words of Allah ta ala and His messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam.

so dont let your jelousy and the whispers of shaitan get the better of you. u should not think about other peoples marriages and what goes on in them, and the same goes for your husbands other marriages they are none of your buisness, they are his buisness only and as long as he is treating u well and dividing his time equally then nothing to worry about. you should support your husband in this matter, which wil in turn bring support to another muslim sister if he remarries. This is your husbands buisness not yours, and u should allow him to get the blessings from Allah ta ala in caring for another wife if he so chooses, and dont make that hard for him insha Allah. give him all ur support and allow another woman to gain the blessings of having a good husband just as u have, as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said none of your truely beleives until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. ( and that applies to sisters too ) :up:

People can feel jealous if another is looking at their spouse in a lustful way, or speaking to them flirtaciously. So I think it's completely natural and fine that you would feel extremely uncomfortable in knowing your husband is spending the night with another woman, beit his wife, it doesn't change that fact. I understand that Polygamy is an optional right that we are given as men, but the fact that even the wives of the Nabi (saw) felt uncomfortable with it is a testament enough to show feeling uneasy with the situation shouldn't be considered a taboo.

And when it comes to a valid reason for divorce, that is subjective. Theoritically a wife who is in such a marriage may find it intolerable emotionally - that intensity of unhappiness is valid enough. Allah (swt) doesn't oppress us, and we needn't needlessly struggle or suffer for something like that.

I respect those in polygamous marriages, I don't see them any differently whatsoever and I understand its benefits and sometimes the need for unfortunate women to be supported, but I personally wouldn't do it even if I could financially, I would not be able to emotionally and ethically. I know my wife would be heart broken at it, and I'd never do anything to bring either of us such suffering so I couldn't be convinced to do it.

[ummbilal]

Polygamy is a husbands right given to him by Allah, if a wife refuses she is going against the laws of Allah, noone has the right to do that.

What if a man said he wants to be married but didnt want to give his wife the rights decreed by Allah, would anyone want to marry this man??

Allahu alam, we need a sheikh to answer this question i think.

[Kal-El]

Polygamy is a husbands right given to him by Allah, if a wife refuses she is going against the laws of Allah, noone has the right to do that.

What if a man said he wants to be married but didnt want to give his wife the rights decreed by Allah, would anyone want to marry this man??

Allahu alam, we need a sheikh to answer this question i think.

She can't refuse him but that she also doesn't have to be stuck in the marriage if she is against it and is unhappy with it. The husband can do whatever he wants to, but his decisions don't mean she has none.

[neelu]

Is a woman who refuses to be in a polygamus marriage punished on judgement day?


It is not our place to speculate who will be rewarded or punished at that time. In general terms, if a Muslim attempts to prevent a fard then it is punishable. If a wife refuses to allow a Sunnah (which polygny is), then always be mindful of the fact that Allah (swt) is aware of all that you do and it MIGHT be viewed as an injustice towards him, but then again the husband does not need his wife's permission to marry another person so it's not as though she has the authority to stop him which is why I'm unsure as to how accountable/responsible she'd be on this issue. I don't know beyond that so Allahu Alim.


Can a husband divorce his wife no matter how well she treated him because she doesnt want him to get married again?


Muslim men and women need to fear Allah (swt) and remember that divorce is the most hated of permitted things. A man does not need to divorce his first wife in order to marry another women, even if the first wife objects to the second marriage. On the other hand, it's up to the first wife to decide if she wants a divorce because she can't cope with him marrying another person but in my opinion a truly God fearing wife wouldn't divorce over something like this (unless there was a lot else going on such as the second marriage springing from an affair- then the first wife would have every right to be upset and seeking a divorce would be understandable).


And why is it when a sister says to a brother i want to be my husbands only wife they make her look like an evil unpracticing and not a god fearing woman? and use the words azubilah, subhana allah as if she uttered a terrible thing.


Because it's possible that the brother wants to practise this Sunnah and if you come across as the sort of woman who'd hinder such a thing then he might find it off putting.


And the last question, if a sister does not want to be in a polygamus marriage does that mean she is not a pious muslimah, even though she is therefore won't be granted jannah?.

Only Allah (swt) knows which of our good deeds could lead us to Jannah, or which of our bad deeds could lead us to Jahanam. To be honest, I think the premise for your questions are wrong. Your questions appear to be along the lines of: Will being a hinderance to polygyny give me a one way ticket to jahanam? Allah (swt) is most merciful and has the capacity to forgive everything except shirk- that doesn't mean we should consider ourselves as having a carte blanche for hindering people from trying to do things which please Allah (swt). The fact that you seem to view that as a risk worth taking is what worries me.

I also sense from your post that you view polygyny very much in terms of a choice between your husband staying with only you as his wife or getting divorced. It's as if there's no room for negotiation or compromise on this issue for you. Most women don't welcome polygyny with open arms and there was even an incident mentioned in Hadith where one of the Ummul Mumineen (ra) showed signs of jealousy towards another co-wife, but they never transgressed the limits of attempting to prevent their husband (saw) from his right.

Let me put things in another way: how would you feel if your husband prevented you from doing Sunnah acts? What if he said you're never allowed out of the house, even to earn halal rizq or visit your parents? As an authority figure in the home it would not be haraam for him to say such a thing as it is not fard for you to leave the home but wouldn't you view it as an injustice that he uses his position to prevent you from doing things which are permitted in Islam?

[mizfissy815]

A Muslim woman can stipulate in the Nikkah or marriage contract that she doesn't want to be part of a polygamous marriage. If the marriage occurs on that basis, she has the right to annul the marriage if he gets a second wife.

There is no relationship between a woman wanting/not wanting to be part of a polygamous marriage and piety.

[`asiya]

A Muslim woman can stipulate in the Nikkah or marriage contract that she doesn't want to be part of a polygamous marriage. If the marriage occurs on that basis, she has the right to annul the marriage if he gets a second wife.

There is no relationship between a woman wanting/not wanting to be part of a polygamous marriage and piety.

just to clarify this has no basis at all in islamic daleel but this merely an opinion of some ppl today, and its an opinion for which there is no evidence from the Quran and sahih sunnah.

if a woman is willing to risk asking for a divorce when she loves and likes her husband and he has not wronged her at all and he has only sought to maintain and protect other women, then is she willing to be the woman who "asked for a divorce without good reason " (good reason being he was not giving her, her islamic rights, abusing her etc ) and about whom it was said by rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, that such a woman "will never smell the fragrance of al jannah.." so if we want to risk al jannah being forbidden for us, all because we were too selfish to love for our sisters in islam what we have, then thats a huge risk to take audu billah. many young women who have a problem with this issue find that once they marry their opinion changes, as they love their husbands and would love that their sisters in islam have a husband to care for them just as they have, we must ask Allah ta ala to clean our hearts and let us accept this part of our deen, just as we submit to all other parts of our deen and have no problem with any of it. a muslim is one who submits, and when they hear the words of Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam says we hear and we obey!

and as Allah ta ala has stated in the Quran in surah al azhab ayat 36 " it is not for a beleiving man or woman when Allah and his messenger have decided on a matter that they should have any opinion in the decision." polygany is a part of our deen , and just as we love any other part of our deen we should love this too wether our naffs like it or not, we have to get a grip on our selfish desires and our jelousy just as the sahabiyat did , and they are our wondeful examples of how to deal with this alhamdulillah.

the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said : " If a women asks her husband for a divorce, for no reason, then the smell of paradise is forbidden for her ".

(At-Tirmidhi narrated it. He said this is a hasan hadith. Sunnah At-Tirmidhi #1187

But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”

[al-Nisa’ 4:65].

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Allaah swears by His Divine Self that no one truly believes unless he makes the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) judge in all his affairs. What he rules is the truth which must be followed both inwardly and outwardly. Hence He says “and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”

i.e., if they refer to you for judgement and obey you inwardly so that they find in themselves no resistance against your ruling, and they follow it outwardly and inwardly, then submit to that fully with no objection, resistance or argument, as it says in the hadeeth: “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, none of you (truly) believes until his desire is in accordance with what I have brought.”

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/532).

[stephenoskie]

This is very is spectical topic, It is allowed in Islam and if Allah has granted a man to have four wives then its not a harming situation.

How ever I think that the laws of the country espically UK where it is illegal and it is seen as cheating, make it very complicated for use to see it from a womens point of view.

Personaly I would either be a second wife or allow my husband to have another wife, but I do expect him to explain to me first.

[RazielTemp]

Is a woman who refuses to be in a polygamus marriage punished on judgement day?

No, in fact she can state in the Marriage contract that she does not want her Husband to Marry more than once,

Can a husband divorce his wife no matter how well she treated him because she doesnt want him to get married again?

a) IF he agreed to be married to her ONLY, then he aught to shut it and be content with her,

b) Divorce is the Last resort, and the reason has to be Legitimate ...


And why is it when a sister says to a brother i want to be my husbands only wife they make her look like an evil unpracticing and not a god fearing woman? and use the words azubilah, subhana allah as if she uttered a terrible thing.

As I said, the Sister can Demand that she is the ONLY wife, and make it legal (ie, have it written in the Marriage contract) then he can't open his mouth ...


disregard the Idiotic Evil looks ..

IF she has NOT mentioned it in the Nikkah Contract, the Husband has the Right to Marry more than once, as long as he deals with both equitably in all worldly affairs ...

And the last question, if a sister does not want to be in a polygamus marriage does that mean she is not a pious muslimah, even though she is therefore won't be granted jannah?.

All she has to do is Make have it in writing in the Marriage Contract, if she wants to be the Only wife ...

no it does not mean she is not a Pious Muslimah, since she would be in her rights to stipulate in the Marriage contract that she wants to be the Only wife, and if the Husband agrees, he is bound by it, he cannot have marry another Muslimah, while she is still married to him ...



:jkk: this is to the best of my limited Knowledge,

[Unregistered333]

Jazakallahu khair, majority of you really changed my mind alhamdulilah, and will not ask my soon to be future husband to be his only wife insha allah nor write anything of the sort on the marriage contract may allah reward you the heighest of jannah. Ameen. And may allah give me eman and sabr if this situation ever becomes reality and my feelings change again.


Neelu to answer your questions. I cannot deal if my husband made me do the things you've mentioned, i couldn't fathom not seeing my family or not practice the sunnah. Jazakallahu khair sister its your questions that really made me think deeply.

[neelu]

:jkk: this is to the best of my limited Knowledge,

Your knowledge isn't of any use unless it has an Islamic basis. A wife CAN stipulate in her nikah contract that she does not want her husband to take another wife and admit to her husband before marriage that she would strongly consider leaving him if he were to marry another person, but she cannot DEMAND that she becomes his only wife. This is only for the purpose of making her feelings known towards him before marriage so that before considering taking such a step, he can bear in mind the fact that she has feelings of disapproval towards another marriage. If there is a stipulation in the nikah contract that she doesn't want the husband to take another wife then that stipulation is NOT BINDING.

There is a similar example in the Sunnah where a woman wanted to prevent her husband from doing something permitted in Islam (but not fard) by stipulating it in the nikah contract. In that case, it wasn't polygyny but the contract stipulated that the woman did not want her husband to move away from a certain town. The husband did want to move and the Prophet (saw) told the husband that he CAN move in spite of what the nikah contract said.

[mizfissy815]

just to clarify this has no basis at all in islamic daleel but this merely an opinion of some ppl today, and its an opinion for which there is no evidence from the Quran and sahih sunnah.

if a woman is willing to risk asking for a divorce when she loves and likes her husband and he has not wronged her at all and he has only sought to maintain and protect other women, then is she willing to be the woman who "asked for a divorce without good reason " (good reason being he was not giving her, her islamic rights, abusing her etc ) and about whom it was said by rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, that such a woman "will never smell the fragrance of al jannah.." so if we want to risk al jannah being forbidden for us, all because we were too selfish to love for our sisters in islam what we have, then thats a huge risk to take audu billah. many young women who have a problem with this issue find that once they marry their opinion changes, as they love their husbands and would love that their sisters in islam have a husband to care for them just as they have, we must ask Allah ta ala to clean our hearts and let us accept this part of our deen, just as we submit to all other parts of our deen and have no problem with any of it. a muslim is one who submits, and when they hear the words of Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam says we hear and we obey!

and as Allah ta ala has stated in the Quran in surah al azhab ayat 36 " it is not for a beleiving man or woman when Allah and his messenger have decided on a matter that they should have any opinion in the decision." polygany is a part of our deen , and just as we love any other part of our deen we should love this too wether our naffs like it or not, we have to get a grip on our selfish desires and our jelousy just as the sahabiyat did , and they are our wondeful examples of how to deal with this alhamdulillah.

the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said : " If a women asks her husband for a divorce, for no reason, then the smell of paradise is forbidden for her ".

(At-Tirmidhi narrated it. He said this is a hasan hadith. Sunnah At-Tirmidhi #1187

But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”

[al-Nisa’ 4:65].

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Allaah swears by His Divine Self that no one truly believes unless he makes the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) judge in all his affairs. What he rules is the truth which must be followed both inwardly and outwardly. Hence He says “and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”

i.e., if they refer to you for judgement and obey you inwardly so that they find in themselves no resistance against your ruling, and they follow it outwardly and inwardly, then submit to that fully with no objection, resistance or argument, as it says in the hadeeth: “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, none of you (truly) believes until his desire is in accordance with what I have brought.”

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/532).

It's the opinion of Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Sheikh al Islam ibn Taymiyyah and Ibn Qudaamah (rahimahumAllah).

bn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Mughni:

“If he married her on the condition that he should not make her move from her house or her city, then this condition is valid, because it was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ If he married her on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then she has the right to leave him if he does take another wife.” In conclusion, then, the conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types, one of which must be adhered to, which is of benefit to the wife, such as her being able to stipulate that he cannot make her move from her house or city, or travel with him, or take another wife or a concubine. He has to adhere to these conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul the marriage.” (Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, part 7, Kitaab al-Nikaah).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:

“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?

Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.”

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=5983&ln=eng&txt=marriage%20contract%20second%20wife