Unwilling RACIST

[HOW SAD??]

As-salamu A'laykum,

I think I have now become an unwilling racist. I am a muslim and would consider myself 'practicing' and generally an ok person. I have never been a racist, I hate racisim.

My family are however quite racist. They don't mind being friends with black people, but they would NEVER allow any of my sisters to marry a black man.

I don't like it nor do I agree with them. I always said it was unislamic to be that way. However they said; that their reasons are valid.

They make fun of their appreance, their hair, their skin colour, their noses, everything.

And for many years I have ignored it and NEVER took what they said into consideration. Although it was my qadr not to marry a black man...and I am HAPPY with some from my part of the world-A North African.

However now, I think I have become brainwashed.I work with a black sister and she has now reinforced my fears.

She is finding it difficult to get married, she said even black men don't want to marry her. They also want arabs and asians..etc... If their own kind don't want to marry them, then what??? I feel sorry for these sisters...

I feel so sorry for her,its like no body wants her.She wanted to marry a brother who was from india, but his family said that they never speak to him if he did....so he didn't.

Now I'm thinking, I wouldn't want that for my children,I wouldn't want for my children to be isolated from society and their lives made hard because of who they choseto marry and the skin colour of their children.

Would you marry a black person if you're an arab or an asian?? Is it worth all the trouble.

Please advice me, as a parent I want the best for my children. I don't care if where the person is from or the colour of their skin.Islam is based brotherhood.And even though my husband wouldn't mind,our families would not be happy.His sisters have said they would not attend my gathering thats mixed with other bloods.

His parents said and the rest my family are advicing him to ignore me, and that I am brainwashed by them.We plan to move away from them all, but now I am even being effected.

I just think black people have to struggle for everything in the muslim community.I don't want that for my girls.I don't want my girls to be cut of from their homes and family.

Have you gone through this before??What is your advice...what did you do...

[.: Anna :.]

there is nothing wrong with black people, they're no less than anyone else in any way.
if a good brother proposes to your daughters and he is black, you really should not make it difficult for them to get married just because of this.
its good that you realise there is some wrong in your thinking about this, insha allah you can force urself to rectify it and get rid of your prejudices

[junaid368]

my family is kinda the same, exepct they arent "that" racist, anyway, it does have to do alot with culture and the lack of knowlege, many of us don't know that there is absoulutely no racism in Islam, so it comes from culture, one should not marry another based on the color of their skin, rather, who they really are inside, and if they are rightious

[tootrue]

Though I consider myself not to be racist, years of hearing bad comments about black people have had an affect on my preferences. I hate this! I don't want to have a skin color/culture bias towards anyone and yet there's a part of my mind that just won't erase these thoughts.

[neelu]

Alhamdullilah I think it's a really good thing that you've realised that the racist thinking you were brought up with is wrong and unIslamic. You are also very lucky to have a spouse that doesn't have those racist views either. The important thing that will count most for your daughters is what their parents (ie you and your spouse) think regardless of what the extended family say.

I could be wrong, but my guess is that by the time your daughter grows up, a cousin or relative would've already broken the mould by marrying into a different race and by the time one relative has done this- it should inshallah become easier for your daughter to do the same.

I will tell you this though: if once your daughter grows up, a pious black Muslim sought her hand in marriage- as well as his taqwa level it is important to decipher how confident he is about his own skin and identity. I come from a community in which people are judged by their skin colour (even Pakistanis judge other Pakistanis over this) and know that this happens in the Caribbean as well (and wouldn't be surprised if this also goes on in Africa). Colour prejudice and the preference of white skin is rife. I work in a school with teenagers of many diverse backgrounds and find that it's not unusual for some of the black teenagers to be uncomfortable and insecure about their identity. The ones who develop some self confidence and self esteem are the ones who tend to achieve better grades and get on well with other people because they're not plagued by the insecurities that go with being judged by their looks.

So if such a brother is pleased/satisfied with the way Allah (swt) made him, then he wont care much for the fact that there will always be racists in town who'll never accept him as he is. If he is insecure about his skin colour and afraid of what people will think, then this could become a cause of tension for your daughter every time a jahil relative says something racist or nasty it can interfere with their relationship.

My parents are Pakistani and I would be happy to marry a good pious brother with the qualities I'm looking for regardless of his skin colour/ethnic origin- in fact I'd inshallah prefer a revert brother because I think they're less constrained by unIslamic culture. I know quite a few mixed practising Muslim couples of differing races and they largely get on well mashallah. Alhamdullilah my parents have been quite reasonable about it and wouldn't try to stop me even though I think deep down they would probably prefer a Pakistani son in law.

[sunrise]

:salams sis

i am a North African aswell and can understand the issues you are facing, although alhamdulilah my parents are not racist against black people... i think for most people it's just a shock especially because the media has given black people such a negative image we have accepted it and believe it to be true, but they are LIES.

I soo get what you mean about the black sister, and i have also found it very common that black brothers usually prefer arabs and asians... i think this is just because that maybe be some of their preference.. opposites attract and all that.

But sister tell her no to give up hope, english brothers are usually very open and don't mind any race.. so tell her maybe to try with an English brother

as for would i marry a black brother, absolutley they are no different to anyone else... how dare anyone take an attitude as to try and make them almost 'non human' astagfirullah:(

InshAllah, by the time your children grow up attitudes would have changed, and inshAllah you can marry your children to whom ever they please.

As for your family inshAllah they will get over it, your duty as mother is to teach your children to love as respect all peoples NO DIFFERENT to anyone. Don't make it an issue, children aren't born racist.. it's something they learn.. so always surround them with children from all races, tabarkAllah the ummah so is diverse now alhamdulilah.... and teach them we are all one

and the beautiful hadith by rassol Allah pbuh

no arab is superior to a non-arab, and no black is superior to a white and vice versa'

ISLAM is for ALL people!

[afsalim]

Racism is not part of Islam. Muhammad (PBUH) chose Bilal ibn Ribah (an Ethiopian) as the first official muezzin of Islam. If anyone tells you anything racist, tell them about this fact of our history. The so-called concept of 'race' is man made only. To Allah SWT, its just shades of colors of human beings.

[A Reminder]

Remember the first Racist was Iblis, who did not bow down to Adam because Adam was made of clay, while he was made of fire. Subhallah. May Allah Guide Us All. Ameeen!