Urgent Advice Needed

[Really Confused]

asalam alaikum everyone

my friend is in urgent need of advice. she has asked me to help her or give her advice, but I'm confused myself. Basically, my friend's dad has told her mum not to do something. This something is not haram, but the dad has told the mum not to do it. Now, the mum has told me friend (her daughter) to do the thing that the dad told the mum not to do. My friend wants to refuse, but is scared that this is haram for not obeying her mum. But if she does do what her mum wants her to do, this means she is disobeying her father. She is really confused and doesn't know what to do.

This has happened before, but the 'thing' was less serious. In the end, the father found out, and the mum got in trouble. She apologised and promised not to do it again. My friend was told by the father that she shouldn't do something like this again. She is really torn and is now hating her life because of this. Her mother is asking her to do something behind her dad's back, and she doesn't want to do it.

Should she do it or not?

I hope this made sense!

[Pippin1376]

Regardless on whether the thing is haram or not, the mom is in the wrong for getting the daughter into the mess. The father told her mom no. Her mom can't go behind his back and make her daughter do it, because she then making the thing which isn't haram, into haram.

If she did it the last time resulting in the the father getting angry (and hurt most likely) and her mom getting in trouble, then she shouldn't do it this time.

She shouldn't do it, if she does and knows it's wrong she is essentially helping her mom do something haram. She should tell her mom how she feels and what happened last time. Then calmly say that she won't do it, but if her mom needs anything else she would be happy too.

Inshallah Allah will make this easy for the sister and help her family.

[Masi]

Wasalam

I believe she should not do it and be strong and tell her mother in kind and respectful manner but firm at the same time that what she wants her to do is something that will bring problems in the family and conflicts, mistrust and pain. It is not disobeying your parents by not doing something which your heart and mind does not accept to be right. If she does agree to do this, then she will be asked again, till this is found by the father. You should not compromise in what you believe is the right thing other wise your heart will slowly but surly darken. Allah SWT trials people by this. May Allah SWT make it easy.

Masouda

[Really Confused]

Jazak Allah for the advice, but the situation has become much worse! The daughter (my friend) went and did what the mum asked! She is now feeling really depressed because her dad thinks the mum is very good now, and has taught the children not to go doing things behind the dad's back like she did already once, but she just did it again, and this siutation is much worse, because the daughter feels she really needs to tell the truth to the dad because she knows one way or the other he will eventually find out, and this may cause her or/and her mum to be in trouble! She just spoke to me, and I really felt bad., She's in a really bad situation. Her dad doesn't know anything yet, and so everything is good between the dad and mum, but she is very upset. Also, she told me that she tried to say no, but hr mum started making her feel bad by saying what I'm telling you to do is not haram. You're dad is doing haram for not letting me do this! etc. And so she felt she had to do it!

Please make a lot of duaa for my friend. She really is in need of your duaa's and advice.

[Bad Idea]

Your friend should explain to her mom that she has to obey her husband.

I think a guilt trip may change her mind, reminding her of "remember what happened when you went your own way Mom? You promised and now you are breaking that promise - WHEN Dad finds out, he won't be forgiving so easily."

You should advise her not to go against what her father says for next time. Mom is not setting a good example for her daughter by disobeying her husband that way.

[Treasured Soul]

The mother is not setting a very good example for her daughter ... and using her kids to get at her husband is just plain WRONG .. whatever it is, its between the two of them .. and they should keep it between them.

She should either tell her dad what the moms asking her to do .. which may create more of mess betweent he parents OR she could just say NO to her mother ... even though she's disobeying her father 1. she is still obeying her father and 2. she's preventing more chaos within the household!

[Unknown Islamic]

Wa Alaikum Asalam Wa Rehamatullahi Wa Barakhatahu,

Unfortunately i did not understand your first post, as it confused me. Its almost like a riddle lol! I will think about it though Insha'ALLAH, then get back to you with some advice. Masalam...

Try not to worry about it too much though, because you said its not haraam?

[neelu]

The parents need some Islamic form of marriage guidance counselling to resolve why they can't just communicate with each other and resolve their issues among themselves like adults without causing distress to their daughter. They are not being good role models for her.

[Pippin1376]

Try not to worry about it too much though, because you said its not haraam?

The problem though is the father forbade the wife to what she wanted. It wasn't haram but he forbade it, by the mom going behind her husband's back she then makes what she wanted haram for herself.