Forgive and Forget :

[R3FL3CT]

The poll results are the main things I will be looking at : However I also wanted to ask people to go into detail.

For example me >> I will forgive and forget any bad that was done to me by another : But will have trouble forgetting and forgiving myself for any bad that I did to another : even though they assure me they have forgiven me. I guess it is because on the Last Day, we'll have to repay the people we wronged :

[thurber]

If you forget, what lesson is learned?

[R3FL3CT]

If you forget, what lesson is learned?

If you remember, what lesson is learned? How will it help you to remember something that somebody did to you? Wouldnt it lead to bearing a grudge? How about moving on?

[Kasim2k7]

Alhamdulillah i have a kind nature. I always forgive and forget. Dont go for revenge.

[R3FL3CT]

Alhamdulillah i have a kind nature. I always forgive and forget. Dont go for revenge.

Can I just ask : Is that the same for when you wrong somebody also?

[Mujib]

Yep same here! no point being upset with the person, islamically its not right either...but also depends what they did!! If they were man utd supporters, then no way im forgiving them!

[R3FL3CT]

Yep same here! no point being upset with the person, islamically its not right either...but also depends what they did!! If they were man utd supporters, then no way im forgiving them!

lol ok : this poll is based on a quote I read : It'd be great if people could vote also. :jkk:

[Mujib]

i've voted! so far you have got 2 people who have voted lol

[R3FL3CT]

i've voted! so far you have got 2 people who have voted lol

4 :jkk:

[Mujib]

yeh 4 sorry, i meant 4! jeeeees

[R3FL3CT]

yeh 4 sorry, i meant 4! jeeeees

:scratch: ok I did not actually mind : just corrected you as I happen to be a perfectionist.

[Kasim2k7]

Can I just ask : Is that the same for when you wrong somebody also?

Rephrase that. Didnt make sense

[thurber]

If you remember, what lesson is learned?

I have never learned anything without the use of my memory.

Have you?

How will it help you to remember something that somebody did to you?

It is a matter of self-preservation.

Once burned, twice shy.

Wouldnt it lead to bearing a grudge?

Only if you allow it.

How about moving on?

One can move on without erasing the lesson from one's memory.

[R3FL3CT]

I have never learned anything without the use of my memory.

Have you?



It is a matter of self-preservation.

Once burned, twice shy.



Only if you allow it.



One can move on without erasing the lesson from one's memory.


Ok : I've rattled somebodies cage. Sorry

[R3FL3CT]

Rephrase that. Didnt make sense

As opposed to somebody wronging you : When you wronged somebody, did you find it easy to forgive yourself? Did you forget easily?

[Kasim2k7]

As opposed to somebody wronging you : When you wronged somebody, did you find it easy to forgive yourself? Did you forget easily?

I ask his forgiveness again and again until he is happy with me. This falls under Huqooq ul Ibad. Very very strict. Make sure you dont hurt somebody because at the judgement day, if you wronged somebody, depending on the scale of wrongness, your good deeds will go to him and his bad deeds will come to you.

[Mujib]

:scratch: ok I did not actually mind : just corrected you as I happen to be a perfectionist.

Perfectionist...hahah lol your not the only one! bari aye...!!

[ammarcool]

yep, I used to forgive and forget but when i m forgiving will warn as the first & last time to not to repeat it again!

[stephenoskie]

I always forgive but never forget

[Love&Peace]

I forgive and gradually forget.
But, that attitude has troubled me many a times.
I had people behaving with me in same unacceptable ways multiple times and finally just coming up with 'Sorry'.

[Kubs]

If you burn your skin...you cover the wound....you heal it.....but the scar remains.

If someone hurt my feelings....I will truly forgive them. The difficult part is forgetting. It is promoted in Islam that a TRUE believer doesn't get bitten from the lizards burrow twice. This means...you should forgive...learn your lesson....and then try and forget.

NEVER hold a grudge...it's not Islamic.

[MMS]

i find it hard to forgive people and be nice to them if they wrong you and then never even ask for forgiveness but i don't like the feeling of not liking someone specially if they moslem, but i find it hard to be nice about them or wish nice things for them etc

i need to sort out my nafs :torture:

[THE PATH 2]

even prophet s.a.w. forgave but could not forget

the case where vahshi mutilated his relatives body was never forgotten by him

even after becoming muslim..vahshi was ordered not to come in front of prophet s.a.w. as he would be reminded of what he had done..and relive the pain as is natural

of course prophet s.a.w. forgave,but even he could not forget

a lesson for humans...we are not angels..but we have feelings

[sajeda]

:salams

always try to forgive and forget but sometimes it is not so easy.

my daughter once told me something about this and i would like to share it with you.

" When you hurt the heart is though a sword was driven through the heart. A person says sorry it is the sword being removed from the heart. There is whole left that has to be healed. "

this has remained in my heart and mind what daughter told me.. she told me this when she was 9 she is now 12.

as i stated i always try to forget, forgiving is easy but to forget is sometimes not so easy. Although I do try... and will conitue to work on this , inshaAllah.

[souljaa]

From the Wise Sayings of Luqman

“If you’re in prayer, take care of your heart;

If you’re eating, take care of your throat;

If you’re in another man’s house, take care of your eyes;

If you are among people, take care of your tongue.

Remember two matters and forget two matters:

Remember Allah (SWT) and death;

Forget any good that you have done to another and any evil that was done to you by another.”

[Masi]

What if you hurt some one without intending to hurt them and you ask Allah SWT to forgive you but you feel like that the punishment is still hurting you

[Masi]

What of those whom you did not intend to hurt but hurt any way and you have asked Allah SWT to forgive you and reward the person whom you have hurt as you will never see them again? At what stage can a heart rest and know that Allah SWT has forgiven you? will one be punished for all their lives for these things?

[Astraeus]

While I chose forgive & forget, my definition of forgetting is not choosing to dwell on what happened. If I have already forgiven someone but continue to dwell on it, have I really forgiven the person? I don't believe it would be possible to forget, meaning to never remember again.

[leela]

I find it easy to forgive people who have wronged even if I don't forget about it. What's difficult is letting go of things done to people I care about.

[Unique1]

i can forgive but find it hard to forget.it doesnt mean i carry on thinking about it but it crops up in my mind sometimes.I think its better to forgive even if u dont get an apology because Allah forgives those who forgive others.
And who doesnt require forgivness from Allah

[Mikha’eel]

I'm a forgiving person. I just forgive and forget. I hate dwelling on something. If you dwell on it, it'll just make feel ways you don't want to. Put it at the back of my mind and get on with Life.

[Dappodan1]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bDe65-nF3FQ&feature=related

see Norman Finklestein's video about the jewish addage

"Never to forgive Never to forget"

[R3FL3CT]

Wow some interesting replies here :masha: I'll post the quote I based this poll on soon :insha:

[mizfissy815]

I think I can forgive and forget the most part, apart from 1 that have happened that I've neither forgiven or forgotten... there isn't any sign of remorse for it neither have I heard an apology so blah.

[Tosh]

MashaAllah to those of you who are well natured and may Allah swt help those of us who need a bit more work.Ameen.

Be careful with how we assume and speak of our good qualities, we might just get tested. Say Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

If we forgive others for their wrongs to us, then Allah swt will forgive our wrongs to Him. This is the mercy of Allah swt.

I also personally believe that in this life if we let others off sometimes, then we too are let off by others. Even when they don't necessarily know. Kind of like what goes around comes around...

Allahu Alim.

[Tosh]

I think I can forgive and forget the most part, apart from 1 that have happened that I've neither forgiven or forgotten... there isn't any sign of remorse for it neither have I heard an apology so blah.

Have you been good or bad to that person?

If that person is generally a bad person (which sounds a bit like) then try to do something good to them and bring them closer to goodness inshaAllah.

[mizfissy815]

Have you been good or bad to that person?

If that person is generally a bad person (which sounds a bit like) then try to do something good to them and bring them closer to goodness inshaAllah.

I've never done anything to that person.

Not a good person based on current and previous actions, and to be honest someone I'd consider a lost cause. Not to mention that this specific person is a non-mahram male and so I have an excuse not to bother with them. He's probably the one person in this world (that I know), that I absolutely cannot stand.

[GuCcI]

neither.

[Phoenix CG]

If it's someone close and I know them very well, I will forgive and forget.
If it's someone new and they done something wrong, but apologise or it was simply misinformation then I'm cool.
But if they are new and an idiot. I don't give time for either, they won't hear back from me, because I'm quite cold :p

[bint]

It varies..with different people. But on a general basis if it is something hardcore then in all situations I am ready to forgive..but to forget it is a different story.

[Baybars]

I can quite easily forgive. Forget; to a point, so long as I feel that the apology is sincere.

[R3FL3CT]

The quote : (not saying I agree or disagree with it, Just something I came across)

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

[afsalim]

Depends on the severity of the crime. Though out my life I've come across people with such bad intentions of causing me harm (some have succeeded). In those cases I do not forgive or forget. But I don't hate them. I pity them.

[R3FL3CT]

Depends on the severity of the crime. Though out my life I've come across people with such bad intentions of causing me harm (some have succeeded). In those cases I do not forgive or forget. But I don't hate them. I pity them.

Makes sense I guess, but when it comes to the time of me forgiving, I cant help but think, if I forgive this person, maybe Allah :Swt: will forgive and show me mercy on the Last Day. :sub:

[~Warda~]

Hmm...interesting quote u got there.
I forgive, alhumdulillah, but i remember...even if i WANT to forget. But that doesnt mean i hold a grudge...i just remember.
Anyways, my sig kinda goes with this thread :)

[R3FL3CT]

Your sig is beautiful, it is one I always stop and read whenever I see your posts :)

[Hayaa']

Forgive and forget all the way :up: inshaAllah.
Somewhere down the line i may need to remind myself of this post :o

[beamz]

I always forgive and always forget always its the way to be :up::up:

[~Warda~]

Heres the story, if you dont mind me posting it here sis:o


Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument: and one of the friend slapped the other one on the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."
They kept walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".
The friend who had slapped and saved his friend asked him, “ After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?” The friend replied, “when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in the stone where no wind can ever erase it”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

[R3FL3CT]

Heres the story, if you dont mind me posting it here sis:o


Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument: and one of the friend slapped the other one on the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."
They kept walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".
The friend who had slapped and saved his friend asked him, “ After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?” The friend replied, “when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in the stone where no wind can ever erase it”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

:masha: :jkk: sis, I've read this before but its an excellent reminder.

[`asiya]

i forgive but i never forget.

"The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said a beleiver never gets bitten from the same hole twice" sahih al bukhari


explanation of this hadith,

"This is presented in the form of a statement. This is a statement in its wording, but a command in its meaning. It means that the believer is resolutely aware, he/she is not taken to apathy, in learning his or her lesson, nor is he or she deceived time and time again. This is an order in religious matters as well as worldly matters"

Abu `Ubayd said,

"This is a warning against apathy, and an indication that intelligence must be implemented. Abu `Ubayd has said: It is not possible for the (true) believer to be afflicted from something only for him or her to return to it."

[Rosalie-Beauty]

I forgive and forget 'cause I believe that people can change.

Besides hate takes too much energy.

[R3FL3CT]

:jkk: sisters, the last two posts are great. :jkk: for the reminder sis 'asiya

[peace2u]

Just because you don't forget does not mean you hate. People learn from mistakes, if a person forgets everything, they will never learn.

Peace